Coming Back from the Edge | Clive Stone | TEDxSurreyUniversity

[Music]

[Music] so I wonder if everybody here realizes

so I wonder if everybody here realizes

so I wonder if everybody here realizes that they have the ability to save

that they have the ability to save

that they have the ability to save someone’s life I don’t mean by doing

someone’s life I don’t mean by doing

someone’s life I don’t mean by doing something spectacular light CPR or

something spectacular light CPR or

something spectacular light CPR or applying a bandage or a torn okay but

applying a bandage or a torn okay but

applying a bandage or a torn okay but something far more fundamental something

something far more fundamental something

something far more fundamental something you will do every day never probably

you will do every day never probably

you will do every day never probably give any thought to what so ever and

give any thought to what so ever and

give any thought to what so ever and that’s just communication but beyond

that’s just communication but beyond

that’s just communication but beyond that listening and that’s what I want to

that listening and that’s what I want to

that listening and that’s what I want to talk about today maybe we can start a

talk about today maybe we can start a

talk about today maybe we can start a whole new campaign today that you can

whole new campaign today that you can

whole new campaign today that you can take away with you go just listen so

take away with you go just listen so

take away with you go just listen so within recent times there have been a

within recent times there have been a

within recent times there have been a whole load of campaigns that have

whole load of campaigns that have

whole load of campaigns that have focused on supporting people with mental

focused on supporting people with mental

focused on supporting people with mental health problems bringing stigma tackling

health problems bringing stigma tackling

health problems bringing stigma tackling stigma bringing all this out into the

stigma bringing all this out into the

stigma bringing all this out into the sort of open time to talk was being a

sort of open time to talk was being a

sort of open time to talk was being a great one and that rattles on every year

great one and that rattles on every year

great one and that rattles on every year there’s been a another day recently

there’s been a another day recently

there’s been a another day recently that’s focused on that the young royals

that’s focused on that the young royals

that’s focused on that the young royals here looking rather resplendent in their

here looking rather resplendent in their

here looking rather resplendent in their royal headbands on heads together which

royal headbands on heads together which

royal headbands on heads together which again is helping tackle those stigma who

again is helping tackle those stigma who

again is helping tackle those stigma who are so hopefully bringing it to another

are so hopefully bringing it to another

are so hopefully bringing it to another demographic and making it more awareness

demographic and making it more awareness

demographic and making it more awareness about mental health problems so having

about mental health problems so having

about mental health problems so having grown up in a fairly dysfunctional

grown up in a fairly dysfunctional

grown up in a fairly dysfunctional family I think they’re be fair to say

family I think they’re be fair to say

family I think they’re be fair to say that this sort of scales of mental

that this sort of scales of mental

that this sort of scales of mental health run quite deep and I’d we all

health run quite deep and I’d we all

health run quite deep and I’d we all find ways of coping and making our way

find ways of coping and making our way

find ways of coping and making our way through that sort of journey I guess

through that sort of journey I guess

through that sort of journey I guess mine was forming some fairly destructive

mine was forming some fairly destructive

mine was forming some fairly destructive relationships and often drinking far too

relationships and often drinking far too

relationships and often drinking far too much and developing what I’d like to

much and developing what I’d like to

much and developing what I’d like to perceive as a sort of rhinoceros like

perceive as a sort of rhinoceros like

perceive as a sort of rhinoceros like exterior which I thought kept me fairly

exterior which I thought kept me fairly

exterior which I thought kept me fairly safe meant that I didn’t feel anything

safe meant that I didn’t feel anything

safe meant that I didn’t feel anything always affected by anybody but also men

always affected by anybody but also men

always affected by anybody but also men that I didn’t get any close to anybody

that I didn’t get any close to anybody

that I didn’t get any close to anybody at all which is not great in the way of

at all which is not great in the way of

at all which is not great in the way of forming good relationships I think it

forming good relationships I think it

forming good relationships I think it when we think about sort of mental

when we think about sort of mental

when we think about sort of mental health and it’s and the environments

health and it’s and the environments

health and it’s and the environments that you grow up in we could easily get

that you grow up in we could easily get

that you grow up in we could easily get into the debate as to whether its

into the debate as to whether its

into the debate as to whether its environmental genetics and I think both

environmental genetics and I think both

environmental genetics and I think both have a major factor and really I

have a major factor and really I

have a major factor and really I probably a hold of a total waiting to be

probably a hold of a total waiting to be

probably a hold of a total waiting to be done so if anybody out there is wanting

done so if anybody out there is wanting

done so if anybody out there is wanting to pick that up and run with it please

to pick that up and run with it please

to pick that up and run with it please do so from this amazingly cute little

do so from this amazingly cute little

do so from this amazingly cute little boy here

boy here

boy here as a cup through to the slightly wizened

as a cup through to the slightly wizened

as a cup through to the slightly wizened old chap standing in front of you and

old chap standing in front of you and

old chap standing in front of you and without making light of it I can see why

without making light of it I can see why

without making light of it I can see why I was depressed in my early 20s in the

I was depressed in my early 20s in the

I was depressed in my early 20s in the 1970s with that haircut and the and the

1970s with that haircut and the and the

1970s with that haircut and the and the and the color of the curtains behind but

and the color of the curtains behind but

and the color of the curtains behind but hey we all have bad hair do’s in the 70s

hey we all have bad hair do’s in the 70s

hey we all have bad hair do’s in the 70s but I guess my turn a journey through

but I guess my turn a journey through

but I guess my turn a journey through recovery and and coping with mental

recovery and and coping with mental

recovery and and coping with mental health problems particularly depression

health problems particularly depression

health problems particularly depression obsessive behavior was in my late

obsessive behavior was in my late

obsessive behavior was in my late twenties entering into a whole raft of

twenties entering into a whole raft of

twenties entering into a whole raft of talking therapies taking some fairly

talking therapies taking some fairly

talking therapies taking some fairly high doses of antidepressants and

high doses of antidepressants and

high doses of antidepressants and antipsychotics which enabled me to cope

antipsychotics which enabled me to cope

antipsychotics which enabled me to cope hold down jobs but left me fairly numb

hold down jobs but left me fairly numb

hold down jobs but left me fairly numb and a little bit blunted I suppose but

and a little bit blunted I suppose but

and a little bit blunted I suppose but would also occur to me at that time as

would also occur to me at that time as

would also occur to me at that time as well that there was another way out and

well that there was another way out and

well that there was another way out and at the time that seemed like a fairly

at the time that seemed like a fairly

at the time that seemed like a fairly good solution and that was suicide

good solution and that was suicide

good solution and that was suicide thankfully I didn’t take that route but

thankfully I didn’t take that route but

thankfully I didn’t take that route but I’ve talked to many people that have

I’ve talked to many people that have

I’ve talked to many people that have considered it and have seriously

considered it and have seriously

considered it and have seriously considered it and people often say

considered it and people often say

considered it and people often say always suicides a bit of a coward’s way

always suicides a bit of a coward’s way

always suicides a bit of a coward’s way out and I don’t believe that because I

out and I don’t believe that because I

out and I don’t believe that because I think it takes a heck of a lot of

think it takes a heck of a lot of

think it takes a heck of a lot of courage but what stops people it made

courage but what stops people it made

courage but what stops people it made people say oh well you know religion my

people say oh well you know religion my

people say oh well you know religion my partner my pets there’s always lots of

partner my pets there’s always lots of

partner my pets there’s always lots of good reasons why you wouldn’t but I

good reasons why you wouldn’t but I

good reasons why you wouldn’t but I think if you’re pretty serious about it

think if you’re pretty serious about it

think if you’re pretty serious about it and you’ve you’ve gotta focus you know

and you’ve you’ve gotta focus you know

and you’ve you’ve gotta focus you know that is a way out and you will do it and

that is a way out and you will do it and

that is a way out and you will do it and it doesn’t necessarily become so much of

it doesn’t necessarily become so much of

it doesn’t necessarily become so much of a case of if but when I think also it’s

a case of if but when I think also it’s

a case of if but when I think also it’s worth thinking about that when for the

worth thinking about that when for the

worth thinking about that when for the gladly i do gladly think about myself as

gladly i do gladly think about myself as

gladly i do gladly think about myself as a sufferer but survivor now but the

a sufferer but survivor now but the

a sufferer but survivor now but the mental health affects those around us as

mental health affects those around us as

mental health affects those around us as well and certainly those who are closest

well and certainly those who are closest

well and certainly those who are closest to us and i was and still am very

to us and i was and still am very

to us and i was and still am very fortunate to being supported by an

fortunate to being supported by an

fortunate to being supported by an amazing wife who who kept me going kept

amazing wife who who kept me going kept

amazing wife who who kept me going kept me in therapy and keeping support and

me in therapy and keeping support and

me in therapy and keeping support and cajoling and hardly with me and probably

cajoling and hardly with me and probably

cajoling and hardly with me and probably sitting down and crying with me and

sitting down and crying with me and

sitting down and crying with me and pushing me but more than that supporting

pushing me but more than that supporting

pushing me but more than that supporting and listening to me and i think like so

and listening to me and i think like so

and listening to me and i think like so many men i just didn’t talk about these

many men i just didn’t talk about these

many men i just didn’t talk about these sort of things i wanted to be brave and

sort of things i wanted to be brave and

sort of things i wanted to be brave and strong

when we think about mental health in

when we think about mental health in sort of wider context we often focus on

sort of wider context we often focus on

sort of wider context we often focus on the sort of the wider the community the

the sort of the wider the community the

the sort of the wider the community the world figures that are often bandied

world figures that are often bandied

world figures that are often bandied around one hundred and six billion per

around one hundred and six billion per

around one hundred and six billion per year across the UK economy one here

year across the UK economy one here

year across the UK economy one here looking 18 billion pounds work days and

looking 18 billion pounds work days and

looking 18 billion pounds work days and then we sort of have the sort of wider

then we sort of have the sort of wider

then we sort of have the sort of wider concept of people with prejudice and

concept of people with prejudice and

concept of people with prejudice and fears about people who are out in the

fears about people who are out in the

fears about people who are out in the community with mental health problems

community with mental health problems

community with mental health problems what danger they might be and then this

what danger they might be and then this

what danger they might be and then this wonderful image that the media just

wonderful image that the media just

wonderful image that the media just loves to use continually the head in the

loves to use continually the head in the

loves to use continually the head in the hands as though as though that’s what

hands as though as though that’s what

hands as though as though that’s what mental have supposed to be like I don’t

mental have supposed to be like I don’t

mental have supposed to be like I don’t think it is but it it seems to be very

think it is but it it seems to be very

think it is but it it seems to be very popular what we probably all know now or

popular what we probably all know now or

popular what we probably all know now or certainly are becoming far more aware of

certainly are becoming far more aware of

certainly are becoming far more aware of and with some other great campaigns as

and with some other great campaigns as

and with some other great campaigns as well is that suicide is the single

well is that suicide is the single

well is that suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age 45

biggest killer of men under the age 45

biggest killer of men under the age 45 which I find quite frightening and now

which I find quite frightening and now

which I find quite frightening and now past that 45 will buy a long stretch but

past that 45 will buy a long stretch but

past that 45 will buy a long stretch but the in UK in 2015 and those are the most

the in UK in 2015 and those are the most

the in UK in 2015 and those are the most recent figures I could get hold of there

recent figures I could get hold of there

recent figures I could get hold of there were six thousand 188 suicides and of

were six thousand 188 suicides and of

were six thousand 188 suicides and of those seventy-six percent were men which

those seventy-six percent were men which

those seventy-six percent were men which is just over two hours a day but I can

is just over two hours a day but I can

is just over two hours a day but I can only find that slide but that’s 12 a day

only find that slide but that’s 12 a day

only find that slide but that’s 12 a day too many and if we just think even the

too many and if we just think even the

too many and if we just think even the numbers in this room if we look to that

numbers in this room if we look to that

numbers in this room if we look to that by days minutes per year there’s that

by days minutes per year there’s that

by days minutes per year there’s that would soon wipe out a good chunk of the

would soon wipe out a good chunk of the

would soon wipe out a good chunk of the audience so it’s it’s something that I

audience so it’s it’s something that I

audience so it’s it’s something that I really think we’ve got to put a lot more

really think we’ve got to put a lot more

really think we’ve got to put a lot more working a lot more energy and a lot more

working a lot more energy and a lot more

working a lot more energy and a lot more devotion to duty to try and change that

devotion to duty to try and change that

devotion to duty to try and change that and I think we can all do it so for the

and I think we can all do it so for the

and I think we can all do it so for the past 20 years as my introduction said

past 20 years as my introduction said

past 20 years as my introduction said I’ve been involved with a local

I’ve been involved with a local

I’ve been involved with a local organization and I’ll talk to you a

organization and I’ll talk to you a

organization and I’ll talk to you a little bit more up a minute but I’ve

little bit more up a minute but I’ve

little bit more up a minute but I’ve also run a counselling and psychotherapy

also run a counselling and psychotherapy

also run a counselling and psychotherapy practice and over that period of time

practice and over that period of time

practice and over that period of time I’ve seen a lot of people and not sure

I’ve seen a lot of people and not sure

I’ve seen a lot of people and not sure how many I’ve never counted them all

how many I’ve never counted them all

how many I’ve never counted them all what I do know is that surprisingly we

what I do know is that surprisingly we

what I do know is that surprisingly we know that men don’t talk about their

know that men don’t talk about their

know that men don’t talk about their feelings very generally but over two

feelings very generally but over two

feelings very generally but over two thirds of my clients have been men which

thirds of my clients have been men which

thirds of my clients have been men which I’m quite surprised by I know whether

I’m quite surprised by I know whether

I’m quite surprised by I know whether that’s because they think are collude

that’s because they think are collude

that’s because they think are collude with em or or perhaps not challenge them

with em or or perhaps not challenge them

with em or or perhaps not challenge them or maybe they just didn’t ask

or maybe they just didn’t ask

or maybe they just didn’t ask me and that’s easy for them but general

me and that’s easy for them but general

me and that’s easy for them but general I have to disprove those miss that I

I have to disprove those miss that I

I have to disprove those miss that I will in fact challenge them but

will in fact challenge them but

will in fact challenge them but hopefully listen to them and give them

hopefully listen to them and give them

hopefully listen to them and give them the space to tell their story and

the space to tell their story and

the space to tell their story and hopefully move them back into a better

hopefully move them back into a better

hopefully move them back into a better place as a as a society what we seem to

place as a as a society what we seem to

place as a as a society what we seem to continue to do is to raise boys

continue to do is to raise boys

continue to do is to raise boys particularly with this sort of

particularly with this sort of

particularly with this sort of unrealistic expectation about what they

unrealistic expectation about what they

unrealistic expectation about what they might achieve what they would do what

might achieve what they would do what

might achieve what they would do what sort of place they will eventually

sort of place they will eventually

sort of place they will eventually inherit in his earth but and always sort

inherit in his earth but and always sort

inherit in his earth but and always sort of like telling him to be strong all the

of like telling him to be strong all the

of like telling him to be strong all the time to be brave to be courageous and I

time to be brave to be courageous and I

time to be brave to be courageous and I we probably all seen it and sadly I

we probably all seen it and sadly I

we probably all seen it and sadly I daresay some of us have done it in I was

daresay some of us have done it in I was

daresay some of us have done it in I was walking through a shopping center the

walking through a shopping center the

walking through a shopping center the other dance or a parent down on their

other dance or a parent down on their

other dance or a parent down on their hands and knees talking to their little

hands and knees talking to their little

hands and knees talking to their little boy trying to console him he was sobbing

boy trying to console him he was sobbing

boy trying to console him he was sobbing his eyes out and telling him to be brave

his eyes out and telling him to be brave

his eyes out and telling him to be brave be strong be this brave little soldier

be strong be this brave little soldier

be strong be this brave little soldier don’t cry and the only message we’re

don’t cry and the only message we’re

don’t cry and the only message we’re giving there is it’s not okay to display

giving there is it’s not okay to display

giving there is it’s not okay to display emotions the only way that that

emotions the only way that that

emotions the only way that that unfortunately men often display emotion

unfortunately men often display emotion

unfortunately men often display emotion is is through violence and that’s not a

is is through violence and that’s not a

is is through violence and that’s not a particularly productive process and then

particularly productive process and then

particularly productive process and then when as boys grow into young men the the

when as boys grow into young men the the

when as boys grow into young men the the whole sort of macaronis competitiveness

whole sort of macaronis competitiveness

whole sort of macaronis competitiveness develops further and further where

develops further and further where

develops further and further where typically i think if we see a group of

typically i think if we see a group of

typically i think if we see a group of men together sorry men in the audience

men together sorry men in the audience

men together sorry men in the audience and I guess I form part of this as well

and I guess I form part of this as well

and I guess I form part of this as well is that there’s often in a sort of

is that there’s often in a sort of

is that there’s often in a sort of stereotypical one-upmanship behavior

stereotypical one-upmanship behavior

stereotypical one-upmanship behavior about being that much I know faster

about being that much I know faster

about being that much I know faster stronger how far I rode my bicycle at

stronger how far I rode my bicycle at

stronger how far I rode my bicycle at the weekend how fast I did it and the

the weekend how fast I did it and the

the weekend how fast I did it and the size of the engine in my new car even

size of the engine in my new car even

size of the engine in my new car even how many meetings I’ve got tomorrow I’ve

how many meetings I’ve got tomorrow I’ve

how many meetings I’ve got tomorrow I’ve heard all these things it’s quite

heard all these things it’s quite

heard all these things it’s quite amazing that we really can focus on that

amazing that we really can focus on that

amazing that we really can focus on that and then when you then run that

and then when you then run that

and then when you then run that competitiveness into a relationship you

competitiveness into a relationship you

competitiveness into a relationship you tend to come up crash and because

tend to come up crash and because

tend to come up crash and because there’s not a lot of room for that in a

there’s not a lot of room for that in a

there’s not a lot of room for that in a relationship and sadly if the outcome of

relationship and sadly if the outcome of

relationship and sadly if the outcome of that ends up being separation or divorce

that ends up being separation or divorce

that ends up being separation or divorce that can be pretty disastrous and it can

that can be pretty disastrous and it can

that can be pretty disastrous and it can be disastrous for anybody but for a male

be disastrous for anybody but for a male

be disastrous for anybody but for a male who is particularly emotionally

who is particularly emotionally

who is particularly emotionally repressed

repressed

repressed his partner was the only person that he

his partner was the only person that he

his partner was the only person that he would open up those feelings to and

would open up those feelings to and

would open up those feelings to and display that emotion take that away and

display that emotion take that away and

display that emotion take that away and sadly again suicide can be an outcome

sadly again suicide can be an outcome

sadly again suicide can be an outcome and a couple of years ago our recent

and a couple of years ago our recent

and a couple of years ago our recent time certainly I I joined a male choir

time certainly I I joined a male choir

time certainly I I joined a male choir which some may think is not a

which some may think is not a

which some may think is not a particularly masculine thing to do which

particularly masculine thing to do which

particularly masculine thing to do which is surprising really because most men go

is surprising really because most men go

is surprising really because most men go to foot matches and they seem quite

to foot matches and they seem quite

to foot matches and they seem quite happily the terraces but yes I I joined

happily the terraces but yes I I joined

happily the terraces but yes I I joined a male choir which was a for me was an

a male choir which was a for me was an

a male choir which was a for me was an amazing thing to do because I never

amazing thing to do because I never

amazing thing to do because I never realized quite how good singing was for

realized quite how good singing was for

realized quite how good singing was for your mental health and there’s now lots

your mental health and there’s now lots

your mental health and there’s now lots of brilliant research out there to tell

of brilliant research out there to tell

of brilliant research out there to tell you about that and but you can be part

you about that and but you can be part

you about that and but you can be part of that group you can be an individual

of that group you can be an individual

of that group you can be an individual you can be a soloist you can be quietly

you can be a soloist you can be quietly

you can be a soloist you can be quietly in the background and there’s not that

in the background and there’s not that

in the background and there’s not that general competitiveness that we often

general competitiveness that we often

general competitiveness that we often see within this social setting this male

see within this social setting this male

see within this social setting this male group I mean there is a little bit of

group I mean there is a little bit of

group I mean there is a little bit of banter it’s fair to say between the

banter it’s fair to say between the

banter it’s fair to say between the baritones and the basis but then the

baritones and the basis but then the

baritones and the basis but then the baritones are somewhat better I’ll leave

baritones are somewhat better I’ll leave

baritones are somewhat better I’ll leave it to you to decide what I sing so a

it to you to decide what I sing so a

it to you to decide what I sing so a dimension for the last 20 years I’ve

dimension for the last 20 years I’ve

dimension for the last 20 years I’ve been involved with this what I believe

been involved with this what I believe

been involved with this what I believe is amazing organization oakleaf

is amazing organization oakleaf

is amazing organization oakleaf enterprise which is based in Guildford

enterprise which is based in Guildford

enterprise which is based in Guildford and we do I think some pretty great work

and we do I think some pretty great work

and we do I think some pretty great work we currently work with about 250 adults

we currently work with about 250 adults

we currently work with about 250 adults every week and we are about sixty

every week and we are about sixty

every week and we are about sixty percent of men so that it’s a reasonable

percent of men so that it’s a reasonable

percent of men so that it’s a reasonable split and we offer all sorts of

split and we offer all sorts of

split and we offer all sorts of activities yoga tai chi Pilates

activities yoga tai chi Pilates

activities yoga tai chi Pilates mindfulness currently riding the wave

mindfulness currently riding the wave

mindfulness currently riding the wave mindful coloring and other such things

mindful coloring and other such things

mindful coloring and other such things and be counseling of course forms a very

and be counseling of course forms a very

and be counseling of course forms a very big part but what we also do is we

big part but what we also do is we

big part but what we also do is we provide people space and the opportunity

provide people space and the opportunity

provide people space and the opportunity to perhaps feel confident develop that

to perhaps feel confident develop that

to perhaps feel confident develop that confidence and and–but build that with

confidence and and–but build that with

confidence and and–but build that with them but enable them to be heard to be

them but enable them to be heard to be

them but enable them to be heard to be listened to and that and that again is

listened to and that and that again is

listened to and that and that again is just such an important factor and

just such an important factor and

just such an important factor and something that I I guess I hadn’t really

something that I I guess I hadn’t really

something that I I guess I hadn’t really appreciated it if I started to think

appreciated it if I started to think

appreciated it if I started to think about this talk was that over the time

about this talk was that over the time

about this talk was that over the time that Oh cliff has really been running

that Oh cliff has really been running

that Oh cliff has really been running which is pretty much the length of time

which is pretty much the length of time

which is pretty much the length of time that I’ve been there

that I’ve been there

that I’ve been there never had one person that has committed

never had one person that has committed

never had one person that has committed suicide why they’ve been attending

suicide why they’ve been attending

suicide why they’ve been attending Oakley and I know that we’ve worked with

Oakley and I know that we’ve worked with

Oakley and I know that we’ve worked with thousands of people and that’s something

thousands of people and that’s something

thousands of people and that’s something that I’m incredibly proud of and

that I’m incredibly proud of and

that I’m incredibly proud of and credibly proud of all the staff and

credibly proud of all the staff and

credibly proud of all the staff and volunteers that support us to enable

volunteers that support us to enable

volunteers that support us to enable that not to happen in this case and I

that not to happen in this case and I

that not to happen in this case and I think when we when we think about

think when we when we think about

think when we when we think about suicide there’s this sort of myth that

suicide there’s this sort of myth that

suicide there’s this sort of myth that if you talk to somebody who is suicidal

if you talk to somebody who is suicidal

if you talk to somebody who is suicidal you’re more likely to get them to do it

you’re more likely to get them to do it

you’re more likely to get them to do it and I think that is just a myth and it

and I think that is just a myth and it

and I think that is just a myth and it needs to be squashed straightaway and

needs to be squashed straightaway and

needs to be squashed straightaway and I’m fortunately I think it’s been

I’m fortunately I think it’s been

I’m fortunately I think it’s been perpetuated by people that perhaps are

perpetuated by people that perhaps are

perpetuated by people that perhaps are are scared to engage with somebody

are scared to engage with somebody

are scared to engage with somebody emotionally to listen to that their

emotionally to listen to that their

emotionally to listen to that their deepest fears but then they have to

deepest fears but then they have to

deepest fears but then they have to listen to their own fears but to be able

listen to their own fears but to be able

listen to their own fears but to be able just to listen to somebody and I think

just to listen to somebody and I think

just to listen to somebody and I think we can all do that and he’s incumbent on

we can all do that and he’s incumbent on

we can all do that and he’s incumbent on all of us not just to learn basic first

all of us not just to learn basic first

all of us not just to learn basic first aid which is a great tool to be able to

aid which is a great tool to be able to

aid which is a great tool to be able to have but to be able to truly listen and

have but to be able to truly listen and

have but to be able to truly listen and to be able to to get alongside somebody

to be able to to get alongside somebody

to be able to to get alongside somebody and accept them for who they are but we

and accept them for who they are but we

and accept them for who they are but we need to create that environment to do

need to create that environment to do

need to create that environment to do that and I think we can all do it it’s

that and I think we can all do it it’s

that and I think we can all do it it’s entirely possible it’s not it’s not that

entirely possible it’s not it’s not that

entirely possible it’s not it’s not that difficult I know for some people

difficult I know for some people

difficult I know for some people listening to somebody else is more of a

listening to somebody else is more of a

listening to somebody else is more of a challenge and I’ll leave you to look at

challenge and I’ll leave you to look at

challenge and I’ll leave you to look at one another in the audience but and we I

one another in the audience but and we I

one another in the audience but and we I guess we all know that person when we

guess we all know that person when we

guess we all know that person when we say oie Ivan I really hurt my army up

say oie Ivan I really hurt my army up

say oie Ivan I really hurt my army up there oh I hurt my arm so much worse

there oh I hurt my arm so much worse

there oh I hurt my arm so much worse than yours or are I’ve got a headache I

than yours or are I’ve got a headache I

than yours or are I’ve got a headache I had a headache worse than yours the

had a headache worse than yours the

had a headache worse than yours the other day we know those people were even

other day we know those people were even

other day we know those people were even they can learn it’s possible we can all

they can learn it’s possible we can all

they can learn it’s possible we can all do it so one of the that sort of this

do it so one of the that sort of this

do it so one of the that sort of this whole idea of speaking out and being

whole idea of speaking out and being

whole idea of speaking out and being able to listen and change perception one

able to listen and change perception one

able to listen and change perception one of the things that struck me recently

of the things that struck me recently

of the things that struck me recently from this fine magazine that gets

from this fine magazine that gets

from this fine magazine that gets dropped through my door every month and

dropped through my door every month and

dropped through my door every month and the psychologist from the British

the psychologist from the British

the psychologist from the British Psychological Society there has been a

Psychological Society there has been a

Psychological Society there has been a recent spate of letters from clinical

recent spate of letters from clinical

recent spate of letters from clinical psychologists which is really quite

psychologists which is really quite

psychologists which is really quite surprising because they’re talking about

surprising because they’re talking about

surprising because they’re talking about their own mental health problems and

their own mental health problems and

their own mental health problems and that that’s really never happened before

that that’s really never happened before

that that’s really never happened before p that this whether I include myself in

p that this whether I include myself in

p that this whether I include myself in that professional I think I probably due

that professional I think I probably due

that professional I think I probably due to speak out and talk about this is just

to speak out and talk about this is just

to speak out and talk about this is just unheard of

unheard of

unheard of and it’s quite radical and there was

and it’s quite radical and there was

and it’s quite radical and there was unfortunately there was a letter that

unfortunately there was a letter that

unfortunately there was a letter that they’re also struck me the other day I

they’re also struck me the other day I

they’re also struck me the other day I just like to read you a tiny excerpt

just like to read you a tiny excerpt

just like to read you a tiny excerpt there and it said that whilst i’m sure

there and it said that whilst i’m sure

there and it said that whilst i’m sure that publishing coming out narratives

that publishing coming out narratives

that publishing coming out narratives takes great moral courage i find it

takes great moral courage i find it

takes great moral courage i find it difficult to believe that anyone

difficult to believe that anyone

difficult to believe that anyone benefits except the narrator and

benefits except the narrator and

benefits except the narrator and possibly have a professional suffering

possibly have a professional suffering

possibly have a professional suffering from the condition my life is a little

from the condition my life is a little

from the condition my life is a little bit surprised when i read that and i

bit surprised when i read that and i

bit surprised when i read that and i think it’s fair to say that I entirely

think it’s fair to say that I entirely

think it’s fair to say that I entirely disagree with that sentiment and think

disagree with that sentiment and think

disagree with that sentiment and think that that that’s not really what we

that that that’s not really what we

that that that’s not really what we should be focusing on if people are

should be focusing on if people are

should be focusing on if people are willing to talk out then we willing to

willing to talk out then we willing to

willing to talk out then we willing to speak out then we need to provide them

speak out then we need to provide them

speak out then we need to provide them with that environment that they can do

with that environment that they can do

with that environment that they can do and to say that we’re ready to listen

and to say that we’re ready to listen

and to say that we’re ready to listen and I’d really like you all to perhaps

and I’d really like you all to perhaps

and I’d really like you all to perhaps go away from here and to join me in this

go away from here and to join me in this

go away from here and to join me in this quest because we can all save lives and

quest because we can all save lives and

quest because we can all save lives and I think you can do that as well by by

I think you can do that as well by by

I think you can do that as well by by listening to people and the one other

listening to people and the one other

listening to people and the one other little quote that jumped out of me when

little quote that jumped out of me when

little quote that jumped out of me when I was thought thinking about this was

I was thought thinking about this was

I was thought thinking about this was from the philosopher jiddu krishnamurti

from the philosopher jiddu krishnamurti

from the philosopher jiddu krishnamurti and he said that the ability to observe

and he said that the ability to observe

and he said that the ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form

without evaluating is the highest form

without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence so you can all be

of intelligence so you can all be

of intelligence so you can all be incredibly intelligent you just need to

incredibly intelligent you just need to

incredibly intelligent you just need to listen without judgement and I think

listen without judgement and I think

listen without judgement and I think that’s something that we could all do so

that’s something that we could all do so

that’s something that we could all do so hopefully you will help me thank you

hopefully you will help me thank you

hopefully you will help me thank you very much