we are all changing all the time it is the very nature of existence so why do
the very nature of existence so why do
the very nature of existence so why do some people seem to be changing more
some people seem to be changing more
some people seem to be changing more than others why are some people changing
than others why are some people changing
than others why are some people changing for the better while others are changing
for the better while others are changing
for the better while others are changing for the worse and more importantly how
for the worse and more importantly how
for the worse and more importantly how do we take control of the change in our
do we take control of the change in our
do we take control of the change in our life and decide where it goes these are
life and decide where it goes these are
life and decide where it goes these are the questions that have plagued me since
the questions that have plagued me since
the questions that have plagued me since I was young
I was young
I was young because I remember a time in my life
because I remember a time in my life
because I remember a time in my life where I was changing for the worse every
where I was changing for the worse every
where I was changing for the worse every day and I felt like I had no control I
day and I felt like I had no control I
day and I felt like I had no control I was a teenager and I had started to
was a teenager and I had started to
was a teenager and I had started to become depressed for reasons I didn’t
become depressed for reasons I didn’t
become depressed for reasons I didn’t understand started failing my classes
understand started failing my classes
understand started failing my classes started smoking cigarettes I quit my
started smoking cigarettes I quit my
started smoking cigarettes I quit my sports teams fought with my friends in
sports teams fought with my friends in
sports teams fought with my friends in my family and this was particularly
my family and this was particularly
my family and this was particularly distressing to my mom she would come
distressing to my mom she would come
distressing to my mom she would come into my room every night and ask me
into my room every night and ask me
into my room every night and ask me questions like why are you unhappy how
questions like why are you unhappy how
questions like why are you unhappy how can I help and mostly because I didn’t
can I help and mostly because I didn’t
can I help and mostly because I didn’t know the answer I would just brush her
know the answer I would just brush her
know the answer I would just brush her off and then one night she came in and
off and then one night she came in and
off and then one night she came in and she asked me something
she asked me something
she asked me something she said Charlie what is going to become
she said Charlie what is going to become
she said Charlie what is going to become of your life and I will never forget
of your life and I will never forget
of your life and I will never forget what I said I told her I’m gonna grow up
what I said I told her I’m gonna grow up
what I said I told her I’m gonna grow up and be a failure and I cried harder than
and be a failure and I cried harder than
and be a failure and I cried harder than I had ever cried that night because when
I had ever cried that night because when
I had ever cried that night because when I said it I believed it I believed that
I said it I believed it I believed that
I said it I believed it I believed that there was nothing I could do to change
there was nothing I could do to change
there was nothing I could do to change my future my mom disagreed and after
my future my mom disagreed and after
my future my mom disagreed and after exhausting a long list of options
exhausting a long list of options
exhausting a long list of options she made the hard and drastic decision
she made the hard and drastic decision
she made the hard and drastic decision to send me across the country to a
to send me across the country to a
to send me across the country to a wilderness rehabilitation center in
wilderness rehabilitation center in
wilderness rehabilitation center in rural West Virginia on the Mount on the
rural West Virginia on the Mount on the
rural West Virginia on the Mount on the side of a mountain in the Appalachian
side of a mountain in the Appalachian
side of a mountain in the Appalachian Mountains
Mountains
Mountains it was a community of similarly
it was a community of similarly
it was a community of similarly emotionally unstable teenagers and there
emotionally unstable teenagers and there
emotionally unstable teenagers and there was a lot of things I learned there but
was a lot of things I learned there but
was a lot of things I learned there but there was one thing we did every day
there was one thing we did every day
there was one thing we did every day that really stuck with me every morning
that really stuck with me every morning
that really stuck with me every morning we would come together as a community
we would come together as a community
we would come together as a community and we would pick one virtue we were
and we would pick one virtue we were
and we would pick one virtue we were gonna work on that day today I’m gonna
gonna work on that day today I’m gonna
gonna work on that day today I’m gonna work on love
work on love
work on love today I’m gonna work on forgiveness on
today I’m gonna work on forgiveness on
today I’m gonna work on forgiveness on mindfulness on patience and then we
mindfulness on patience and then we
mindfulness on patience and then we would go about our day as we normally
would go about our day as we normally
would go about our day as we normally would and at the end of each day we
would and at the end of each day we
would and at the end of each day we would come back together as a community
would come back together as a community
would come back together as a community and we would hold each other accountable
and we would hold each other accountable
and we would hold each other accountable and it went as well as you would expect
and it went as well as you would expect
and it went as well as you would expect a community of emotionally unstable
a community of emotionally unstable
a community of emotionally unstable teenagers to take it you said you were
teenagers to take it you said you were
teenagers to take it you said you were gonna be mindful today and you ate all
gonna be mindful today and you ate all
gonna be mindful today and you ate all the peanut butter at lunch you said you
the peanut butter at lunch you said you
the peanut butter at lunch you said you were working on forgiveness and you
were working on forgiveness and you
were working on forgiveness and you cursed me out when I knocked your cup
cursed me out when I knocked your cup
cursed me out when I knocked your cup over you said you were gonna work on
over you said you were gonna work on
over you said you were gonna work on love and you told me you hated you today
love and you told me you hated you today
love and you told me you hated you today it’s a little harsh but direct and
it’s a little harsh but direct and
it’s a little harsh but direct and honest there was a kid there we’ll call
honest there was a kid there we’ll call
honest there was a kid there we’ll call him Nick no one liked Nick he was
him Nick no one liked Nick he was
him Nick no one liked Nick he was inauthentic insincere he would fly off
inauthentic insincere he would fly off
inauthentic insincere he would fly off the handle and act out in ways just to
the handle and act out in ways just to
the handle and act out in ways just to draw attention to himself it’s very
draw attention to himself it’s very
draw attention to himself it’s very off-putting to the other members of the
off-putting to the other members of the
off-putting to the other members of the community and the leaders weren’t blind
community and the leaders weren’t blind
community and the leaders weren’t blind to this and in an effort to help Nick
to this and in an effort to help Nick
to this and in an effort to help Nick change they sent him back to the
change they sent him back to the
change they sent him back to the beginning of the program a part called
beginning of the program a part called
beginning of the program a part called the wilderness we had all been through
the wilderness we had all been through
the wilderness we had all been through it you basically live under a tarp if it
it you basically live under a tarp if it
it you basically live under a tarp if it snows you’re cold if it rains you get
snows you’re cold if it rains you get
snows you’re cold if it rains you get wet it’s the kind of place that teaches
wet it’s the kind of place that teaches
wet it’s the kind of place that teaches you to appreciate all the things we take
you to appreciate all the things we take
you to appreciate all the things we take for granted every day
for granted every day
for granted every day and when they made it back to the
and when they made it back to the
and when they made it back to the community it was a celebration a
community it was a celebration a
community it was a celebration a ceremony and part of it was getting
ceremony and part of it was getting
ceremony and part of it was getting assigned a mentor from the community and
assigned a mentor from the community and
assigned a mentor from the community and when Nick found out who his mentor was
when Nick found out who his mentor was
when Nick found out who his mentor was he flew off the handle and stormed out
he flew off the handle and stormed out
he flew off the handle and stormed out of the room and we all knew Nick hadn’t
of the room and we all knew Nick hadn’t
of the room and we all knew Nick hadn’t changed so two weeks later I’m hammering
changed so two weeks later I’m hammering
changed so two weeks later I’m hammering nails I’m jingling this roof in the
nails I’m jingling this roof in the
nails I’m jingling this roof in the community and it’s the middle of July
community and it’s the middle of July
community and it’s the middle of July it’s hot it’s uncomfortable and I find
it’s hot it’s uncomfortable and I find
it’s hot it’s uncomfortable and I find myself in this state of enjoyment and
myself in this state of enjoyment and
myself in this state of enjoyment and it’s because I’m talking to Nick and
it’s because I’m talking to Nick and
it’s because I’m talking to Nick and he’s being sincere and humble about
he’s being sincere and humble about
he’s being sincere and humble about where he is and he seemed like the same
where he is and he seemed like the same
where he is and he seemed like the same person but I could just tell something
person but I could just tell something
person but I could just tell something was a little bit different and the
was a little bit different and the
was a little bit different and the reason that stands out to me so much is
reason that stands out to me so much is
reason that stands out to me so much is it’s one of those rare moments where you
it’s one of those rare moments where you
it’s one of those rare moments where you actually get to see change happen
actually get to see change happen
actually get to see change happen because the truth about change
because the truth about change
because the truth about change you don’t get to see it if you go to the
you don’t get to see it if you go to the
you don’t get to see it if you go to the gym every day you don’t seem any
gym every day you don’t seem any
gym every day you don’t seem any stronger one day to the next
stronger one day to the next
stronger one day to the next eating a salads not gonna help you lose
eating a salads not gonna help you lose
eating a salads not gonna help you lose five pounds if you’re trying to save
five pounds if you’re trying to save
five pounds if you’re trying to save money to get rich it’s not gonna happen
money to get rich it’s not gonna happen
money to get rich it’s not gonna happen in a month or a year and that’s what
in a month or a year and that’s what
in a month or a year and that’s what makes change hard as we never get to see
makes change hard as we never get to see
makes change hard as we never get to see the gratitude in any single day but it
the gratitude in any single day but it
the gratitude in any single day but it also introduces this dilemma because we
also introduces this dilemma because we
also introduces this dilemma because we can’t see change when it’s happening
can’t see change when it’s happening
can’t see change when it’s happening sometimes we believe we’re changing for
sometimes we believe we’re changing for
sometimes we believe we’re changing for the better when really we’re changing
the better when really we’re changing
the better when really we’re changing for the worse I had this cousin we’ll
for the worse I had this cousin we’ll
for the worse I had this cousin we’ll call him Jay Jay is developing into a
call him Jay Jay is developing into a
call him Jay Jay is developing into a young man he is smart and caring he
young man he is smart and caring he
young man he is smart and caring he loves his family and his friends and if
loves his family and his friends and if
loves his family and his friends and if you were to ask him is there a goal in
you were to ask him is there a goal in
you were to ask him is there a goal in your life that you’re working towards
your life that you’re working towards
your life that you’re working towards right now he would say yes but if you
right now he would say yes but if you
right now he would say yes but if you look at where he is now
look at where he is now
look at where he is now versus where he was six months ago he’s
versus where he was six months ago he’s
versus where he was six months ago he’s in a worse place now and if you look a
in a worse place now and if you look a
in a worse place now and if you look a year ago the change is even more drastic
year ago the change is even more drastic
year ago the change is even more drastic see the hardest part about change is
see the hardest part about change is
see the hardest part about change is acknowledging that we have to do it
acknowledging that we have to do it
acknowledging that we have to do it admitting to ourselves that the actions
admitting to ourselves that the actions
admitting to ourselves that the actions were doing are not gonna lead us to
were doing are not gonna lead us to
were doing are not gonna lead us to where we want to go someone asked me the
where we want to go someone asked me the
where we want to go someone asked me the other day if I never figured out why I
other day if I never figured out why I
other day if I never figured out why I was depressed when I was younger as much
was depressed when I was younger as much
was depressed when I was younger as much as I would have hate to admit it at the
as I would have hate to admit it at the
as I would have hate to admit it at the time all I ever wanted was to make my
time all I ever wanted was to make my
time all I ever wanted was to make my parents proud and every time I failed or
parents proud and every time I failed or
parents proud and every time I failed or I let them down it was easier to say
I let them down it was easier to say
I let them down it was easier to say that it was some fundamental part of me
that it was some fundamental part of me
that it was some fundamental part of me that I couldn’t change then acknowledge
that I couldn’t change then acknowledge
that I couldn’t change then acknowledge the mountain of change I was going to
the mountain of change I was going to
the mountain of change I was going to have to overcome to be happy and when we
have to overcome to be happy and when we
have to overcome to be happy and when we acknowledge how much we have to do we
acknowledge how much we have to do we
acknowledge how much we have to do we get this deep-seated sense of anxiety
get this deep-seated sense of anxiety
get this deep-seated sense of anxiety like it seems impossible like there’s no
like it seems impossible like there’s no
like it seems impossible like there’s no reason to even start because it seems
reason to even start because it seems
reason to even start because it seems wasteful and I can’t think of an
wasteful and I can’t think of an
wasteful and I can’t think of an organization that approaches this kind
organization that approaches this kind
organization that approaches this kind of drastic life change like Alcoholics
of drastic life change like Alcoholics
of drastic life change like Alcoholics Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous to ask someone who compulsively drinks
to ask someone who compulsively drinks
to ask someone who compulsively drinks everyday to stop now and quit until the
everyday to stop now and quit until the
everyday to stop now and quit until the day you die seems like an impossible
day you die seems like an impossible
day you die seems like an impossible task so they ask you not to drink for
task so they ask you not to drink for
task so they ask you not to drink for one day just one day because we can
one day just one day because we can
one day just one day because we can manage what happens today and day by day
manage what happens today and day by day
manage what happens today and day by day bad habits are broken good habits are
bad habits are broken good habits are
bad habits are broken good habits are started and habit by habit we become a
started and habit by habit we become a
started and habit by habit we become a little bit richer a little bit healthier
little bit richer a little bit healthier
little bit richer a little bit healthier a little bit better so I think each of
a little bit better so I think each of
a little bit better so I think each of us here should pick one bad habit we
us here should pick one bad habit we
us here should pick one bad habit we have that we want to break or one good
have that we want to break or one good
have that we want to break or one good habit that we want to start and when you
habit that we want to start and when you
habit that we want to start and when you go to bed tonight decide that tomorrow
go to bed tonight decide that tomorrow
go to bed tonight decide that tomorrow you’re gonna try and when you wake up
you’re gonna try and when you wake up
you’re gonna try and when you wake up tomorrow morning let it be the first
tomorrow morning let it be the first
tomorrow morning let it be the first thing you think about look for an
thing you think about look for an
thing you think about look for an opportunity to sacrifice just a little
opportunity to sacrifice just a little
opportunity to sacrifice just a little bit to accomplish it go to the gym eat a
bit to accomplish it go to the gym eat a
bit to accomplish it go to the gym eat a healthier meal don’t buy something you
healthier meal don’t buy something you
healthier meal don’t buy something you otherwise would have find an opportunity
otherwise would have find an opportunity
otherwise would have find an opportunity to test your patience and when you go to
to test your patience and when you go to
to test your patience and when you go to bed at night you have to check yourself
bed at night you have to check yourself
bed at night you have to check yourself there is no community of emotionally
there is no community of emotionally
there is no community of emotionally unstable teenagers to call you out you
unstable teenagers to call you out you
unstable teenagers to call you out you are truly the only person who can hold
are truly the only person who can hold
are truly the only person who can hold yourself accountable and whether you
yourself accountable and whether you
yourself accountable and whether you achieved your goal or not decide that
achieved your goal or not decide that
achieved your goal or not decide that you’re gonna try for just one more day
you’re gonna try for just one more day
you’re gonna try for just one more day thank you
thank you
thank you you
”
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