England’s greatest philosopher Ozzy Osbourne once said crazy but that’s how
Osbourne once said crazy but that’s how
Osbourne once said crazy but that’s how it goes now for Ozzy this crazy train
it goes now for Ozzy this crazy train
it goes now for Ozzy this crazy train was driven by the acceleration of
was driven by the acceleration of
was driven by the acceleration of demands or the acceleration of culture
demands or the acceleration of culture
demands or the acceleration of culture for me my own personal crazy train was
for me my own personal crazy train was
for me my own personal crazy train was driven by my depression no mental
driven by my depression no mental
driven by my depression no mental illness is hard to define because it
illness is hard to define because it
illness is hard to define because it affects every individual so differently
affects every individual so differently
affects every individual so differently so for me it could mean despite having
so for me it could mean despite having
so for me it could mean despite having extreme stage fright that I sign up to
extreme stage fright that I sign up to
extreme stage fright that I sign up to give a TED talk but there are a few
give a TED talk but there are a few
give a TED talk but there are a few common characteristics that branch
common characteristics that branch
common characteristics that branch across all of them the first one is that
across all of them the first one is that
across all of them the first one is that your thoughts and your actions tend to
your thoughts and your actions tend to
your thoughts and your actions tend to defy logic now for me this meant despite
defy logic now for me this meant despite
defy logic now for me this meant despite everything in my life being exceptional
everything in my life being exceptional
everything in my life being exceptional and wonderful for me I was miserable and
and wonderful for me I was miserable and
and wonderful for me I was miserable and not the kind of miserable that’s trendy
not the kind of miserable that’s trendy
not the kind of miserable that’s trendy that you tweet about to get a whole
that you tweet about to get a whole
that you tweet about to get a whole bunch of retweets it was the kind of
bunch of retweets it was the kind of
bunch of retweets it was the kind of miserable that I couldn’t get into my
miserable that I couldn’t get into my
miserable that I couldn’t get into my car without immediately thinking of ways
car without immediately thinking of ways
car without immediately thinking of ways that I could crash and only hurt myself
that I could crash and only hurt myself
that I could crash and only hurt myself now with this illogical thinking comes
now with this illogical thinking comes
now with this illogical thinking comes an inability to communicate now
research has linked this to a spark in
research has linked this to a spark in creativity and there’s been lots of
creativity and there’s been lots of
creativity and there’s been lots of research saying that artists are turning
research saying that artists are turning
research saying that artists are turning to this sort of abstract means of
to this sort of abstract means of
to this sort of abstract means of communication to convey what they’re
communication to convey what they’re
communication to convey what they’re feeling or what they’re going through
feeling or what they’re going through
feeling or what they’re going through and they list edward munch and vincent
and they list edward munch and vincent
and they list edward munch and vincent van gogh as prime examples of this now I
van gogh as prime examples of this now I
van gogh as prime examples of this now I have no Vincent van Gogh but I did
have no Vincent van Gogh but I did
have no Vincent van Gogh but I did dabble in some art and some poetry
dabble in some art and some poetry
dabble in some art and some poetry during my depressive episodes did I show
during my depressive episodes did I show
during my depressive episodes did I show anyone no and not only because it was
anyone no and not only because it was
anyone no and not only because it was just not very good at all but also
just not very good at all but also
just not very good at all but also because I was overwhelmed with this
because I was overwhelmed with this
because I was overwhelmed with this feeling of isolation I felt that no
feeling of isolation I felt that no
feeling of isolation I felt that no matter what I did or what I said no one
matter what I did or what I said no one
matter what I did or what I said no one would understand what I was going
would understand what I was going
would understand what I was going through and the National Alliance on
through and the National Alliance on
through and the National Alliance on Mental Illness states that warning sign
Mental Illness states that warning sign
Mental Illness states that warning sign that someone is going through a mental
that someone is going through a mental
that someone is going through a mental illness is an avoidance of social
illness is an avoidance of social
illness is an avoidance of social activities or a or trouble relating to
activities or a or trouble relating to
activities or a or trouble relating to and understand
and understand
and understand others now you put this all together and
others now you put this all together and
others now you put this all together and you’re left with this complete and
you’re left with this complete and
you’re left with this complete and ability to function things that were
ability to function things that were
ability to function things that were seemingly so simple before become
seemingly so simple before become
seemingly so simple before become impossible and in one of my favorite
impossible and in one of my favorite
impossible and in one of my favorite TEDTalks by Andrew Andrew Solomon he
TEDTalks by Andrew Andrew Solomon he
TEDTalks by Andrew Andrew Solomon he compares the pouring of cereal and the
compares the pouring of cereal and the
compares the pouring of cereal and the eating of cereal to the Stations of the
eating of cereal to the Stations of the
eating of cereal to the Stations of the Cross these simple things become
Cross these simple things become
Cross these simple things become complicated it was like taking a trip to
complicated it was like taking a trip to
complicated it was like taking a trip to a DMV mental illness had become my own
a DMV mental illness had become my own
a DMV mental illness had become my own personal bureaucracy now we all know
personal bureaucracy now we all know
personal bureaucracy now we all know what bureaucracy is but my social my
what bureaucracy is but my social my
what bureaucracy is but my social my sociology textbook defines it as a
sociology textbook defines it as a
sociology textbook defines it as a formal organization with a hierarchy of
formal organization with a hierarchy of
formal organization with a hierarchy of power and a distinct division of labor
power and a distinct division of labor
power and a distinct division of labor and I say it’s more like a ladder you
and I say it’s more like a ladder you
and I say it’s more like a ladder you each each rung has its own
each each rung has its own
each each rung has its own responsibilities to fulfill and each
responsibilities to fulfill and each
responsibilities to fulfill and each under ring or rung is accountable to the
under ring or rung is accountable to the
under ring or rung is accountable to the one above it and they all have their
one above it and they all have their
one above it and they all have their roles to fulfill the needs of this
roles to fulfill the needs of this
roles to fulfill the needs of this ladder and keep the bureaucracy up now
ladder and keep the bureaucracy up now
ladder and keep the bureaucracy up now to define what roles each things are
to define what roles each things are
to define what roles each things are they emphasis ease in to emphasize a
they emphasis ease in to emphasize a
they emphasis ease in to emphasize a strict set of written rules and these
strict set of written rules and these
strict set of written rules and these written rules are also known as red tape
written rules are also known as red tape
written rules are also known as red tape and the bureaucracies inability to cross
and the bureaucracies inability to cross
and the bureaucracies inability to cross this red tape stops it from making sense
this red tape stops it from making sense
this red tape stops it from making sense sometimes it defies logic now the most
sometimes it defies logic now the most
sometimes it defies logic now the most common example of this is probably
common example of this is probably
common example of this is probably whenever you’re really craving a
whenever you’re really craving a
whenever you’re really craving a breakfast biscuit and they stop serving
breakfast biscuit and they stop serving
breakfast biscuit and they stop serving breakfast at 11:00 and it’s now 1102 and
breakfast at 11:00 and it’s now 1102 and
breakfast at 11:00 and it’s now 1102 and you can see the breakfast biscuit right
you can see the breakfast biscuit right
you can see the breakfast biscuit right in front of you but they refuse to serve
in front of you but they refuse to serve
in front of you but they refuse to serve it to you so you say I need to speak to
it to you so you say I need to speak to
it to you so you say I need to speak to your manager now and they come back and
your manager now and they come back and
your manager now and they come back and they say oh well we’re in the middle of
they say oh well we’re in the middle of
they say oh well we’re in the middle of the shift change I’m sorry the manager
the shift change I’m sorry the manager
the shift change I’m sorry the manager isn’t here like there’s nothing we can
isn’t here like there’s nothing we can
isn’t here like there’s nothing we can do and you realize that this make
do and you realize that this make
do and you realize that this make bureaucracy can’t even communicate
bureaucracy can’t even communicate
bureaucracy can’t even communicate amongst themselves let alone with you
amongst themselves let alone with you
amongst themselves let alone with you and so this going back to the ladder
and so this going back to the ladder
and so this going back to the ladder also reflects in the ladder because
also reflects in the ladder because
also reflects in the ladder because although each rung has its own
although each rung has its own
although each rung has its own responsibility to fulfill and they all
responsibility to fulfill and they all
responsibility to fulfill and they all work together to hold the ladder up they
work together to hold the ladder up they
work together to hold the ladder up they don’t come and direct contact so you
don’t come and direct contact so you
don’t come and direct contact so you hear a lot of I don’t know what’s going
hear a lot of I don’t know what’s going
hear a lot of I don’t know what’s going on because that’s not my department
on because that’s not my department
on because that’s not my department and so this isolation of each division
and so this isolation of each division
and so this isolation of each division the authority figures
the authority figures
the authority figures the workers underneath them and the
the workers underneath them and the
the workers underneath them and the isolation of the people trying to
isolation of the people trying to
isolation of the people trying to interact with the bureaucracy leads to
interact with the bureaucracy leads to
interact with the bureaucracy leads to the bureaucracy not being able to work
the bureaucracy not being able to work
the bureaucracy not being able to work like it was intended to it doesn’t
like it was intended to it doesn’t
like it was intended to it doesn’t function it leaves a faulty broken
function it leaves a faulty broken
function it leaves a faulty broken ladder that people can fall through I
just realized something I think that
just realized something I think that mental illness and bureaucracy seem
mental illness and bureaucracy seem
mental illness and bureaucracy seem really similar in fact I think they’re
really similar in fact I think they’re
really similar in fact I think they’re kind of the same so now the question
kind of the same so now the question
kind of the same so now the question becomes what happens when a person
becomes what happens when a person
becomes what happens when a person suffering from mental illness tries to
suffering from mental illness tries to
suffering from mental illness tries to interact with a system that is also
interact with a system that is also
interact with a system that is also mentally ill well this is what happened
mentally ill well this is what happened
mentally ill well this is what happened to me during my last depressive episode
to me during my last depressive episode
to me during my last depressive episode I knew something was just really wrong
I knew something was just really wrong
I knew something was just really wrong and so I reached out for help I called a
and so I reached out for help I called a
and so I reached out for help I called a psychiatric hospital that I ended up
psychiatric hospital that I ended up
psychiatric hospital that I ended up checking myself into later and I asked
checking myself into later and I asked
checking myself into later and I asked if they had any testing available and
if they had any testing available and
if they had any testing available and they said no we only offer that service
they said no we only offer that service
they said no we only offer that service to patients and unless I planned on
to patients and unless I planned on
to patients and unless I planned on dropping out of school I couldn’t quite
dropping out of school I couldn’t quite
dropping out of school I couldn’t quite become a patient so then I turned to my
become a patient so then I turned to my
become a patient so then I turned to my school and I ended up being escorted off
school and I ended up being escorted off
school and I ended up being escorted off a campus and an ambulance and whenever I
a campus and an ambulance and whenever I
a campus and an ambulance and whenever I got to the hospital they told me that I
got to the hospital they told me that I
got to the hospital they told me that I would have to undergo a series of tests
would have to undergo a series of tests
would have to undergo a series of tests before I could be seen by a psychiatrist
before I could be seen by a psychiatrist
before I could be seen by a psychiatrist whenever I asked how much these tests
whenever I asked how much these tests
whenever I asked how much these tests would cost even with my insurance I
would cost even with my insurance I
would cost even with my insurance I graciously said no thank you because it
graciously said no thank you because it
graciously said no thank you because it was more too much for me to handle and
was more too much for me to handle and
was more too much for me to handle and so then I called my mom and the hospital
so then I called my mom and the hospital
so then I called my mom and the hospital referred me to a psychiatric center
referred me to a psychiatric center
referred me to a psychiatric center behavioral health center nearby where
behavioral health center nearby where
behavioral health center nearby where she lived so it worked out great and we
she lived so it worked out great and we
she lived so it worked out great and we decided that the next morning we would
decided that the next morning we would
decided that the next morning we would wake up super early and try to get help
wake up super early and try to get help
wake up super early and try to get help from this Behavioral Health Center and
from this Behavioral Health Center and
from this Behavioral Health Center and whenever we got there they refused
whenever we got there they refused
whenever we got there they refused seemi they refused to see me because I
seemi they refused to see me because I
seemi they refused to see me because I didn’t belong to the county that the
didn’t belong to the county that the
didn’t belong to the county that the center served it didn’t matter that my
center served it didn’t matter that my
center served it didn’t matter that my mom did it didn’t matter that I was in
mom did it didn’t matter that I was in
mom did it didn’t matter that I was in the hospital the day before and it
the hospital the day before and it
the hospital the day before and it didn’t matter that we were both crying
didn’t matter that we were both crying
didn’t matter that we were both crying and begging for someone to help us so we
and begging for someone to help us so we
and begging for someone to help us so we left very defeated but unwilling to give
left very defeated but unwilling to give
left very defeated but unwilling to give up and we decided to try the private
up and we decided to try the private
up and we decided to try the private sector so we drove over to a private
sector so we drove over to a private
sector so we drove over to a private psychiatric office and my mom went
psychiatric office and my mom went
psychiatric office and my mom went inside to try to make an appointment for
inside to try to make an appointment for
inside to try to make an appointment for me and I stayed in the car and called
me and I stayed in the car and called
me and I stayed in the car and called the Behavioral Health Centre in my
the Behavioral Health Centre in my
the Behavioral Health Centre in my County and I remember yelling at the
County and I remember yelling at the
County and I remember yelling at the woman on the other line because she was
woman on the other line because she was
woman on the other line because she was telling me that it would be a waste of
telling me that it would be a waste of
telling me that it would be a waste of my time to come in because I had
my time to come in because I had
my time to come in because I had insurance because I had insurance she
insurance because I had insurance she
insurance because I had insurance she told me that they would just refer me to
told me that they would just refer me to
told me that they would just refer me to a private sector anyway so there was no
a private sector anyway so there was no
a private sector anyway so there was no point in me coming in and so I ain’t
point in me coming in and so I ain’t
point in me coming in and so I ain’t really hung up the phone with her and
really hung up the phone with her and
really hung up the phone with her and waited for my mom to get back from the
waited for my mom to get back from the
waited for my mom to get back from the office and she comes back and she says I
office and she comes back and she says I
office and she comes back and she says I got you the soonest possible appointment
got you the soonest possible appointment
got you the soonest possible appointment and I could sense the satire in her
and I could sense the satire in her
and I could sense the satire in her voice and so I asked Wynn and she said
voice and so I asked Wynn and she said
voice and so I asked Wynn and she said three months from now they can’t take
three months from now they can’t take
three months from now they can’t take any new patients for three months so
any new patients for three months so
any new patients for three months so because we had time I asked her to just
because we had time I asked her to just
because we had time I asked her to just take me to class and in within 14 hours
take me to class and in within 14 hours
take me to class and in within 14 hours all the resources known to me had been
all the resources known to me had been
all the resources known to me had been exhausted mood disorders such as major
exhausted mood disorders such as major
exhausted mood disorders such as major depressive disorder or just Dimmick just
depressive disorder or just Dimmick just
depressive disorder or just Dimmick just disorder are the fifth leading cause of
disorder are the fifth leading cause of
disorder are the fifth leading cause of hospitalization for people aged 18 to 44
hospitalization for people aged 18 to 44
hospitalization for people aged 18 to 44 suicide is the third leading cause of
suicide is the third leading cause of
suicide is the third leading cause of death for individuals aged 12 to 24 and
death for individuals aged 12 to 24 and
death for individuals aged 12 to 24 and the second leading cause of death for
the second leading cause of death for
the second leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 24 and 90% of all of
people aged 15 to 24 and 90% of all of
people aged 15 to 24 and 90% of all of those who commit suicide have an
those who commit suicide have an
those who commit suicide have an underlying mental illness no mental
underlying mental illness no mental
underlying mental illness no mental illness has been proven to be treatable
illness has been proven to be treatable
illness has been proven to be treatable when the individual receives treatment
when the individual receives treatment
when the individual receives treatment and so the problem that I was seeing is
and so the problem that I was seeing is
and so the problem that I was seeing is that
that
that I was trying to interact with a system
I was trying to interact with a system
I was trying to interact with a system that was just as sick as I was and
that was just as sick as I was and
that was just as sick as I was and unfortunately this isn’t just an easy
unfortunately this isn’t just an easy
unfortunately this isn’t just an easy fix
fix
fix you can’t just give the DMV a prozac and
you can’t just give the DMV a prozac and
you can’t just give the DMV a prozac and call it a day you have to break down the
call it a day you have to break down the
call it a day you have to break down the bureaucracy and rebuild it back up with
bureaucracy and rebuild it back up with
bureaucracy and rebuild it back up with the patient in mind because that’s not
the patient in mind because that’s not
the patient in mind because that’s not what it’s like today it’s like an
what it’s like today it’s like an
what it’s like today it’s like an unstoppable locomotive no train no crazy
unstoppable locomotive no train no crazy
unstoppable locomotive no train no crazy train it’s going off the rails like a
train it’s going off the rails like a
train it’s going off the rails like a crazy train but it doesn’t have to thank
crazy train but it doesn’t have to thank
crazy train but it doesn’t have to thank you
you
you [Applause]
”
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