I’m so proud of her for pronouncing my name properly
name properly
name properly um well lovely there all of you guys to
um well lovely there all of you guys to
um well lovely there all of you guys to have me thank you so much
have me thank you so much
have me thank you so much mine is a story of death and love and
mine is a story of death and love and
mine is a story of death and love and how a community was built out of thin
how a community was built out of thin
how a community was built out of thin air that saved the life of a dying man
air that saved the life of a dying man
air that saved the life of a dying man and that of my own it actually goes back
and that of my own it actually goes back
and that of my own it actually goes back to my childhood my grandmother was one
to my childhood my grandmother was one
to my childhood my grandmother was one of the Parisian ladies who lunch she so
of the Parisian ladies who lunch she so
of the Parisian ladies who lunch she so desperately wanted a girly-girl
desperately wanted a girly-girl
desperately wanted a girly-girl granddaughter unfortunately I was a bit
granddaughter unfortunately I was a bit
granddaughter unfortunately I was a bit of a tomboy that’s right I refused to
of a tomboy that’s right I refused to
of a tomboy that’s right I refused to wear dresses I liked to play with boys
wear dresses I liked to play with boys
wear dresses I liked to play with boys click frogs climb trees she was so
click frogs climb trees she was so
click frogs climb trees she was so frustrated with me on my 4th birthday
frustrated with me on my 4th birthday
frustrated with me on my 4th birthday she threw a party for me and insisted
she threw a party for me and insisted
she threw a party for me and insisted that after I had people who attended I
that after I had people who attended I
that after I had people who attended I would write thank you cards to everybody
would write thank you cards to everybody
would write thank you cards to everybody that participated and that really stuck
that participated and that really stuck
that participated and that really stuck with me that act of gratitude now fast
with me that act of gratitude now fast
with me that act of gratitude now fast forward to my 20s when I really liked to
forward to my 20s when I really liked to
forward to my 20s when I really liked to play with boys I found a vocation in law
play with boys I found a vocation in law
play with boys I found a vocation in law enforcement strategy at an organization
enforcement strategy at an organization
enforcement strategy at an organization that build statistical models and
that build statistical models and
that build statistical models and software solutions for governments all
software solutions for governments all
software solutions for governments all around the world I traveled the globe
around the world I traveled the globe
around the world I traveled the globe and lived out of these three suitcases
and lived out of these three suitcases
and lived out of these three suitcases helping solve crime with a group of
helping solve crime with a group of
helping solve crime with a group of individuals that was very elite and I
individuals that was very elite and I
individuals that was very elite and I was very honored to work with them back
was very honored to work with them back
was very honored to work with them back then most officers had this cool thing
then most officers had this cool thing
then most officers had this cool thing called a fax machine the you younger
called a fax machine the you younger
called a fax machine the you younger people in the audience a mobile phone
people in the audience a mobile phone
people in the audience a mobile phone looked like this and the computers that
looked like this and the computers that
looked like this and the computers that we utilized looked like something out of
we utilized looked like something out of
we utilized looked like something out of a movie I was working with some of the
a movie I was working with some of the
a movie I was working with some of the best and brightest minds around the
best and brightest minds around the
best and brightest minds around the world people who are at the top of their
world people who are at the top of their
world people who are at the top of their game in research statistics machine
game in research statistics machine
game in research statistics machine learning artificial intelligence human
learning artificial intelligence human
learning artificial intelligence human factors criminology I mean these people
factors criminology I mean these people
factors criminology I mean these people were PhDs two and three times over MBAs
were PhDs two and three times over MBAs
were PhDs two and three times over MBAs you know we were building things like
you know we were building things like
you know we were building things like anti-terrorism models legal software for
anti-terrorism models legal software for
anti-terrorism models legal software for the
the
the intelligence community think FBI CIA mi6
intelligence community think FBI CIA mi6
intelligence community think FBI CIA mi6 right in our downtime though we got to
right in our downtime though we got to
right in our downtime though we got to know one another
know one another
know one another authentically in places such as chat
authentically in places such as chat
authentically in places such as chat rooms and in the walled garden of
rooms and in the walled garden of
rooms and in the walled garden of intranets I learned the name of their
intranets I learned the name of their
intranets I learned the name of their spouses I learned when they were giving
spouses I learned when they were giving
spouses I learned when they were giving birth to their first children their
birth to their first children their
birth to their first children their interests their political affiliations
interests their political affiliations
interests their political affiliations what types of cars they were driving
what types of cars they were driving
what types of cars they were driving what their hobbies were we shared both
what their hobbies were we shared both
what their hobbies were we shared both the triumphs and tragedies of everyday
the triumphs and tragedies of everyday
the triumphs and tragedies of everyday life I would send birthday cards and
life I would send birthday cards and
life I would send birthday cards and anniversary cards and bat mitzvah cards
anniversary cards and bat mitzvah cards
anniversary cards and bat mitzvah cards all over the world to my friends my
all over the world to my friends my
all over the world to my friends my colleagues we played online games and
colleagues we played online games and
colleagues we played online games and followed one another as we shared what
followed one another as we shared what
followed one another as we shared what we were passionate about on electronic
we were passionate about on electronic
we were passionate about on electronic bulletin boards those that were
bulletin boards those that were
bulletin boards those that were available to us at the time we found
available to us at the time we found
available to us at the time we found common ground and mutual respect see
common ground and mutual respect see
common ground and mutual respect see back then there was no LinkedIn there
back then there was no LinkedIn there
back then there was no LinkedIn there was no snapchat no Facebook no Instagram
was no snapchat no Facebook no Instagram
was no snapchat no Facebook no Instagram all the while we were creating strong
all the while we were creating strong
all the while we were creating strong relationships with one another and we
relationships with one another and we
relationships with one another and we were doing it virtually it’s called
were doing it virtually it’s called
were doing it virtually it’s called social capital it’s defined as the
social capital it’s defined as the
social capital it’s defined as the networks of relationships among people
networks of relationships among people
networks of relationships among people who live and work in a particular
who live and work in a particular
who live and work in a particular society enabling that society to
society enabling that society to
society enabling that society to function effectively here’s a good
function effectively here’s a good
function effectively here’s a good example while on an assignment in
example while on an assignment in
example while on an assignment in Georgia I complained to one of my
Georgia I complained to one of my
Georgia I complained to one of my colleagues that I hadn’t had decent
colleagues that I hadn’t had decent
colleagues that I hadn’t had decent French food and ages and he was kind
French food and ages and he was kind
French food and ages and he was kind enough to recommend a place online he
enough to recommend a place online he
enough to recommend a place online he said this great French cafe it’s in a
said this great French cafe it’s in a
said this great French cafe it’s in a quiet city neighborhood in Atlanta
quiet city neighborhood in Atlanta
quiet city neighborhood in Atlanta you’ll love it I was so thrilled to try
you’ll love it I was so thrilled to try
you’ll love it I was so thrilled to try this restaurant the moment I walked in I
this restaurant the moment I walked in I
this restaurant the moment I walked in I could see
could see
could see beautiful paintings of jazz musicians
beautiful paintings of jazz musicians
beautiful paintings of jazz musicians and posters and on the menu my absolute
and posters and on the menu my absolute
and posters and on the menu my absolute favorite salad nicoise the waiter was a
favorite salad nicoise the waiter was a
favorite salad nicoise the waiter was a tall sort of attractive European Asian
tall sort of attractive European Asian
tall sort of attractive European Asian mix of a man and he was overly attentive
mix of a man and he was overly attentive
mix of a man and he was overly attentive he came and asked me about my food every
he came and asked me about my food every
he came and asked me about my food every time I put a fork full of food in my
time I put a fork full of food in my
time I put a fork full of food in my mouth at the end of the meal I was eager
mouth at the end of the meal I was eager
mouth at the end of the meal I was eager to get back to my hotel wanted to
to get back to my hotel wanted to
to get back to my hotel wanted to discover a
discover a
discover a more about Lana the city and ask for the
more about Lana the city and ask for the
more about Lana the city and ask for the bill when it arrived it had nothing but
bill when it arrived it had nothing but
bill when it arrived it had nothing but zeros I thought this is the oddest thing
zeros I thought this is the oddest thing
zeros I thought this is the oddest thing I walked up to him I tapped him on the
I walked up to him I tapped him on the
I walked up to him I tapped him on the shoulder and I said you know there must
shoulder and I said you know there must
shoulder and I said you know there must be something wrong he said no no no he
be something wrong he said no no no he
be something wrong he said no no no he said um I took care of your lunch in
said um I took care of your lunch in
said um I took care of your lunch in hopes that you’ll let me buy your dinner
hopes that you’ll let me buy your dinner
hopes that you’ll let me buy your dinner and that’s how I met George George was
and that’s how I met George George was
and that’s how I met George George was an entrepreneur he was well on his way
an entrepreneur he was well on his way
an entrepreneur he was well on his way to owning one of the hippest and coolest
to owning one of the hippest and coolest
to owning one of the hippest and coolest night Cubs in the country they were
night Cubs in the country they were
night Cubs in the country they were mentioned in Esquire magazine he got the
mentioned in Esquire magazine he got the
mentioned in Esquire magazine he got the opportunity to go to the Playboy Mansion
opportunity to go to the Playboy Mansion
opportunity to go to the Playboy Mansion I mean this place was the place to be in
I mean this place was the place to be in
I mean this place was the place to be in the 90s now if you’ve never dated an
the 90s now if you’ve never dated an
the 90s now if you’ve never dated an entrepreneur I have to tell you there’s
entrepreneur I have to tell you there’s
entrepreneur I have to tell you there’s nothing more romantic in my humble
nothing more romantic in my humble
nothing more romantic in my humble opinion I highly recommend it there’s
opinion I highly recommend it there’s
opinion I highly recommend it there’s nothing like seeing somebody’s dream
nothing like seeing somebody’s dream
nothing like seeing somebody’s dream come to a reality
come to a reality
come to a reality ours was a lovely courtship and soon I
ours was a lovely courtship and soon I
ours was a lovely courtship and soon I found myself moving to Georgia and
found myself moving to Georgia and
found myself moving to Georgia and becoming engaged he was a cheeky fellow
becoming engaged he was a cheeky fellow
becoming engaged he was a cheeky fellow yeah
yeah
yeah shortly after our engagement and I was
shortly after our engagement and I was
shortly after our engagement and I was just so madly in love with this guy I’m
just so madly in love with this guy I’m
just so madly in love with this guy I’m telling you as far as I was concerned he
telling you as far as I was concerned he
telling you as far as I was concerned he hung the moon surely after our
hung the moon surely after our
hung the moon surely after our engagement George got sick he was
engagement George got sick he was
engagement George got sick he was diagnosed with something I couldn’t even
diagnosed with something I couldn’t even
diagnosed with something I couldn’t even pronounce I went to libraries I tried to
pronounce I went to libraries I tried to
pronounce I went to libraries I tried to search things out in the online
search things out in the online
search things out in the online communities that were available to me
communities that were available to me
communities that were available to me finally I shared my very personal
finally I shared my very personal
finally I shared my very personal situation completely vulnerable with my
situation completely vulnerable with my
situation completely vulnerable with my community unaware of what I was dealing
community unaware of what I was dealing
community unaware of what I was dealing with I asked them for help
with I asked them for help
with I asked them for help and before I knew it they were offering
and before I knew it they were offering
and before I knew it they were offering to connect me with people all around the
to connect me with people all around the
to connect me with people all around the world people that they’d known in
world people that they’d known in
world people that they’d known in university people that they knew from
university people that they knew from
university people that they knew from the research communities people that
the research communities people that
the research communities people that they graduated school with by being
they graduated school with by being
they graduated school with by being completely vulnerable I was welcomed
completely vulnerable I was welcomed
completely vulnerable I was welcomed into their private rolodexes people
into their private rolodexes people
into their private rolodexes people they’d known for decades
they’d known for decades
they’d known for decades one such gentleman was at Quantico and
one such gentleman was at Quantico and
one such gentleman was at Quantico and he introduced me to somebody
he introduced me to somebody
he introduced me to somebody to school with I remember the beginning
to school with I remember the beginning
to school with I remember the beginning of the conversation was something like
of the conversation was something like
of the conversation was something like this he said uh you know I know the guy
this he said uh you know I know the guy
this he said uh you know I know the guy who’s head of cancer research at MD
who’s head of cancer research at MD
who’s head of cancer research at MD Anderson in Houston do you want to meet
Anderson in Houston do you want to meet
Anderson in Houston do you want to meet him
him
him uh yeah soon George was properly
uh yeah soon George was properly
uh yeah soon George was properly diagnosed with advanced stage stomach
diagnosed with advanced stage stomach
diagnosed with advanced stage stomach cancer and as George and I went through
cancer and as George and I went through
cancer and as George and I went through his illness together you know we learned
his illness together you know we learned
his illness together you know we learned from my newly formed connections and
from my newly formed connections and
from my newly formed connections and friends about things like macrobiotic
friends about things like macrobiotic
friends about things like macrobiotic cooking vegan diets you know Chinese
cooking vegan diets you know Chinese
cooking vegan diets you know Chinese herbs and eastern and western
herbs and eastern and western
herbs and eastern and western philosophies and therapies and each time
philosophies and therapies and each time
philosophies and therapies and each time we tried one of these I would let that
we tried one of these I would let that
we tried one of these I would let that person who recommended it know how we
person who recommended it know how we
person who recommended it know how we did I would give them updates
did I would give them updates
did I would give them updates I would I would write thank-you cards in
I would I would write thank-you cards in
I would I would write thank-you cards in an act to just express my gratitude my
an act to just express my gratitude my
an act to just express my gratitude my community had become let me get back to
community had become let me get back to
community had become let me get back to this my community had become an
this my community had become an
this my community had become an ecosystem but it was my ecosystem
ecosystem but it was my ecosystem
ecosystem but it was my ecosystem thanks to my community George lived
thanks to my community George lived
thanks to my community George lived another four years until a misdiagnosis
another four years until a misdiagnosis
another four years until a misdiagnosis caused him to slip into a coma and pass
caused him to slip into a coma and pass
caused him to slip into a coma and pass in a matter of a few days
in a matter of a few days
in a matter of a few days you see dying is not a technical glitch
you see dying is not a technical glitch
you see dying is not a technical glitch of the human operating system it’s a
of the human operating system it’s a
of the human operating system it’s a feature it’s the only prediction we can
feature it’s the only prediction we can
feature it’s the only prediction we can make at Birth that we can completely
make at Birth that we can completely
make at Birth that we can completely Bank on at the time I would cry in
Bank on at the time I would cry in
Bank on at the time I would cry in meetings friends would call to check in
meetings friends would call to check in
meetings friends would call to check in on me and halfway through a sentence I
on me and halfway through a sentence I
on me and halfway through a sentence I would just break down in tears cancer
would just break down in tears cancer
would just break down in tears cancer and death are not easy topics to deal
and death are not easy topics to deal
and death are not easy topics to deal with couples we’d met throughout our
with couples we’d met throughout our
with couples we’d met throughout our courtship people we’d go to dinner with
courtship people we’d go to dinner with
courtship people we’d go to dinner with have movie nights with and so on and so
have movie nights with and so on and so
have movie nights with and so on and so forth stopped inviting me to things I
forth stopped inviting me to things I
forth stopped inviting me to things I remember on one such occasion a
remember on one such occasion a
remember on one such occasion a girlfriend called on a Thursday night to
girlfriend called on a Thursday night to
girlfriend called on a Thursday night to say well the Saturday night potluck
say well the Saturday night potluck
say well the Saturday night potluck supper you know it’s couples only so I
supper you know it’s couples only so I
supper you know it’s couples only so I don’t think it would be a good idea for
don’t think it would be a good idea for
don’t think it would be a good idea for you to attend at times the bereaved are
you to attend at times the bereaved are
you to attend at times the bereaved are often treated like those to whom
often treated like those to whom
often treated like those to whom something unnatural or disgraceful has
something unnatural or disgraceful has
something unnatural or disgraceful has occurred people avoid them don’t invite
occurred people avoid them don’t invite
occurred people avoid them don’t invite them out fall silent when they enter the
them out fall silent when they enter the
them out fall silent when they enter the room the grieving are ISIL
when they most need community and at
when they most need community and at this point I thought as though every
this point I thought as though every
this point I thought as though every door was closed to me so I created my
door was closed to me so I created my
door was closed to me so I created my own door
own door
own door I was fearless but scared witless at the
I was fearless but scared witless at the
I was fearless but scared witless at the same time I had to muster up the courage
same time I had to muster up the courage
same time I had to muster up the courage and this was really when I started to
and this was really when I started to
and this was really when I started to write I began to write to those friends
write I began to write to those friends
write I began to write to those friends telling them how much I missed them and
telling them how much I missed them and
telling them how much I missed them and before I knew it they share that they
before I knew it they share that they
before I knew it they share that they missed me too I began to become invited
missed me too I began to become invited
missed me too I began to become invited again to their events and also I wrote
again to their events and also I wrote
again to their events and also I wrote about my journey on electronic bulletin
about my journey on electronic bulletin
about my journey on electronic bulletin boards I began to speak publicly about
boards I began to speak publicly about
boards I began to speak publicly about my experiences in building this
my experiences in building this
my experiences in building this community from colleagues friends
community from colleagues friends
community from colleagues friends friends of friends and how they assisted
friends of friends and how they assisted
friends of friends and how they assisted me in helping Jorge during the time of
me in helping Jorge during the time of
me in helping Jorge during the time of his illness I talked about the power of
his illness I talked about the power of
his illness I talked about the power of connecting over topics that topic
connecting over topics that topic
connecting over topics that topic becoming a social object you know that
becoming a social object you know that
becoming a social object you know that social object connecting me to other
social object connecting me to other
social object connecting me to other people over another subject matter and
people over another subject matter and
people over another subject matter and how ecosystems were beginning to crop up
how ecosystems were beginning to crop up
how ecosystems were beginning to crop up inside other ecosystems how people would
inside other ecosystems how people would
inside other ecosystems how people would have very open and authentic
have very open and authentic
have very open and authentic conversations about things like the next
conversations about things like the next
conversations about things like the next car they were purchasing aware they were
car they were purchasing aware they were
car they were purchasing aware they were sending their kids to school where they
sending their kids to school where they
sending their kids to school where they were traveling to on holiday and if we
were traveling to on holiday and if we
were traveling to on holiday and if we knew any good restaurants before I knew
knew any good restaurants before I knew
knew any good restaurants before I knew it people began to listen so much so
it people began to listen so much so
it people began to listen so much so that it started me on a path on my own
that it started me on a path on my own
that it started me on a path on my own journey toward business basically
journey toward business basically
journey toward business basically building the business that I’m in now
building the business that I’m in now
building the business that I’m in now and it’s a business that I love in
and it’s a business that I love in
and it’s a business that I love in digital marketing my path and building
digital marketing my path and building
digital marketing my path and building community allowed me to build my own
community allowed me to build my own
community allowed me to build my own business helping businesses both small
business helping businesses both small
business helping businesses both small and large harness the power of online
and large harness the power of online
and large harness the power of online communities just to tell their own
communities just to tell their own
communities just to tell their own stories then in 2014 I had my own health
stories then in 2014 I had my own health
stories then in 2014 I had my own health scare I was diagnosed with ovarian
scare I was diagnosed with ovarian
scare I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer now as an entrepreneur the cost
cancer now as an entrepreneur the cost
cancer now as an entrepreneur the cost of the type of medical treatment that I
of the type of medical treatment that I
of the type of medical treatment that I needed was completely staggering but it
needed was completely staggering but it
needed was completely staggering but it was the community I built on my own
was the community I built on my own
was the community I built on my own social capital who showed both kindness
social capital who showed both kindness
social capital who showed both kindness and
and
and passion to get me back on my feet again
passion to get me back on my feet again
passion to get me back on my feet again in conducting my research for my
in conducting my research for my
in conducting my research for my day-to-day job I ran across an article
day-to-day job I ran across an article
day-to-day job I ran across an article in The New Yorker by this man who I’d
in The New Yorker by this man who I’d
in The New Yorker by this man who I’d met once he described how online
met once he described how online
met once he described how online communities and social networks created
communities and social networks created
communities and social networks created vacuous ties amongst people too
vacuous ties amongst people too
vacuous ties amongst people too superficial nothing could happen I am
superficial nothing could happen I am
superficial nothing could happen I am here is living proof that Malcolm
here is living proof that Malcolm
here is living proof that Malcolm Gladwell was wrong
Gladwell was wrong
Gladwell was wrong communities both off and on line are
communities both off and on line are
communities both off and on line are built on vulnerability they’re built on
built on vulnerability they’re built on
built on vulnerability they’re built on trust
trust
trust authenticity respect social capital
authenticity respect social capital
authenticity respect social capital courage kindness compassion and most of
courage kindness compassion and most of
courage kindness compassion and most of all gratitude today I stand before you
all gratitude today I stand before you
all gratitude today I stand before you some eighteen years after George has
some eighteen years after George has
some eighteen years after George has passed and three years after my own
passed and three years after my own
passed and three years after my own health scare because I believed in the
health scare because I believed in the
health scare because I believed in the power of community the journey to this
power of community the journey to this
power of community the journey to this TED talk was shared with my community
TED talk was shared with my community
TED talk was shared with my community and of friends of followers and they
and of friends of followers and they
and of friends of followers and they lovingly took part in a campaign for me
lovingly took part in a campaign for me
lovingly took part in a campaign for me supporting my good news and I encourage
supporting my good news and I encourage
supporting my good news and I encourage you today to search on the hashtag
you today to search on the hashtag
you today to search on the hashtag dorotea’s good news and you can see how
dorotea’s good news and you can see how
dorotea’s good news and you can see how my community reacted when I told them
my community reacted when I told them
my community reacted when I told them that my dream of giving a TED talk had
that my dream of giving a TED talk had
that my dream of giving a TED talk had finally been granted thank you
finally been granted thank you
finally been granted thank you [Applause]
”
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