sexual assault for most of my life I thought I’m not a part of it I didn’t
thought I’m not a part of it I didn’t
thought I’m not a part of it I didn’t commit any crime and neither I will some
commit any crime and neither I will some
commit any crime and neither I will some good I’m clear right but until I talked
good I’m clear right but until I talked
good I’m clear right but until I talked to my mom about it
to my mom about it
to my mom about it this past December I was in India and we
this past December I was in India and we
this past December I was in India and we were having dinner and I told my mom
were having dinner and I told my mom
were having dinner and I told my mom that it’s sad that all these people
that it’s sad that all these people
that it’s sad that all these people commit this crime for the me to campaign
commit this crime for the me to campaign
commit this crime for the me to campaign then my mom told me you’re part of the
then my mom told me you’re part of the
then my mom told me you’re part of the problem and I jumped up I’m like mom
problem and I jumped up I’m like mom
problem and I jumped up I’m like mom what do you mean I didn’t commit any
what do you mean I didn’t commit any
what do you mean I didn’t commit any crime and I’m never I will but then my
crime and I’m never I will but then my
crime and I’m never I will but then my mom said you see there is very more to
mom said you see there is very more to
mom said you see there is very more to it than just the physical abuse and
it than just the physical abuse and
it than just the physical abuse and that’s what I’m gonna talk about today
that’s what I’m gonna talk about today
that’s what I’m gonna talk about today and some of the ways we can prevent it
and some of the ways we can prevent it
and some of the ways we can prevent it on an individual level I grew up as a
on an individual level I grew up as a
on an individual level I grew up as a male in India and while there are some
male in India and while there are some
male in India and while there are some beautiful beautiful beautiful things to
beautiful beautiful beautiful things to
beautiful beautiful beautiful things to grow up as a male there were some things
grow up as a male there were some things
grow up as a male there were some things I didn’t like I always kind of wondered
I didn’t like I always kind of wondered
I didn’t like I always kind of wondered how is it like being a female how’s it
how is it like being a female how’s it
how is it like being a female how’s it like being a woman so I remember I went
like being a woman so I remember I went
like being a woman so I remember I went up to my mom and asked her hey mom what
up to my mom and asked her hey mom what
up to my mom and asked her hey mom what if if if I was a woman what if it was a
if if if I was a woman what if it was a
if if if I was a woman what if it was a female I think I look pretty in long
female I think I look pretty in long
female I think I look pretty in long hairs right but then my mom said you
hairs right but then my mom said you
hairs right but then my mom said you know being a woman you have to decide
know being a woman you have to decide
know being a woman you have to decide that either you subscribe to this
that either you subscribe to this
that either you subscribe to this society norms or you break them being a
society norms or you break them being a
society norms or you break them being a woman you have to do you have to you’re
woman you have to do you have to you’re
woman you have to do you have to you’re restricted by family and society and on
restricted by family and society and on
restricted by family and society and on top of that you have the fear of being
top of that you have the fear of being
top of that you have the fear of being assault of being harassed or assaulted
assault of being harassed or assaulted
assault of being harassed or assaulted growing up in India what I didn’t like
growing up in India what I didn’t like
growing up in India what I didn’t like as a male was women were seen as
property of men
property of men women were seen as objects especially
women were seen as objects especially
women were seen as objects especially sexual objects in June 2014 I came to
sexual objects in June 2014 I came to
sexual objects in June 2014 I came to the US and I learned more about this
the US and I learned more about this
the US and I learned more about this topic and I found out that in the US on
topic and I found out that in the US on
topic and I found out that in the US on a college campus
a college campus
a college campus one in five undergraduate women and one
one in five undergraduate women and one
one in five undergraduate women and one in 13 men will be sexually assaulted in
in 13 men will be sexually assaulted in
in 13 men will be sexually assaulted in their college career and 92 percent of
their college career and 92 percent of
their college career and 92 percent of those crimes will become committed by
those crimes will become committed by
those crimes will become committed by men
men
men there has been cycle that’s been going
there has been cycle that’s been going
there has been cycle that’s been going on for years and years which is the
on for years and years which is the
on for years and years which is the culture leading to abuse abuse feeding
culture leading to abuse abuse feeding
culture leading to abuse abuse feeding the stigma and then stigma going back to
the stigma and then stigma going back to
the stigma and then stigma going back to the culture and I’m going to explain
the culture and I’m going to explain
the culture and I’m going to explain this to a story Kathy is a college
this to a story Kathy is a college
this to a story Kathy is a college student she’s doing her thesis on date
student she’s doing her thesis on date
student she’s doing her thesis on date rape and she’s also involved in a rape
rape and she’s also involved in a rape
rape and she’s also involved in a rape awareness program this one night Kathy
awareness program this one night Kathy
awareness program this one night Kathy and her friends wanted to go out to a
and her friends wanted to go out to a
and her friends wanted to go out to a party but before that they wanted to
party but before that they wanted to
party but before that they wanted to pregame at their friend’s place
pregame at their friend’s place
pregame at their friend’s place Amy at Amy’s place they already drank
Amy at Amy’s place they already drank
Amy at Amy’s place they already drank four bottles of wine and Kathy is drunk
four bottles of wine and Kathy is drunk
four bottles of wine and Kathy is drunk at that point then they go to the party
at that point then they go to the party
at that point then they go to the party and Kathy drinks even more and at that
and Kathy drinks even more and at that
and Kathy drinks even more and at that point Kathy’s really drunk Justin who is
point Kathy’s really drunk Justin who is
point Kathy’s really drunk Justin who is Kathy’s and Amy’s friends ask ask then
Kathy’s and Amy’s friends ask ask then
Kathy’s and Amy’s friends ask ask then ask them that I live close to Kathy and
ask them that I live close to Kathy and
ask them that I live close to Kathy and I can walk her home now Kathy lives two
I can walk her home now Kathy lives two
I can walk her home now Kathy lives two blocks away from Justin and Kathy was so
blocks away from Justin and Kathy was so
blocks away from Justin and Kathy was so drunk that night she that she wasn’t
drunk that night she that she wasn’t
drunk that night she that she wasn’t able to walk so does Justin decided that
able to walk so does Justin decided that
able to walk so does Justin decided that she can stay at his place for the night
she can stay at his place for the night
she can stay at his place for the night the next morning Kathy woke up on the
the next morning Kathy woke up on the
the next morning Kathy woke up on the same bed as Justin with no clothes on
same bed as Justin with no clothes on
same bed as Justin with no clothes on she was scared she didn’t know what
she was scared she didn’t know what
she was scared she didn’t know what happened that night and she asks Justin
happened that night and she asks Justin
happened that night and she asks Justin where the hell are my clothes
where the hell are my clothes
where the hell are my clothes Justin Astra don’t don’t you remember
Justin Astra don’t don’t you remember
Justin Astra don’t don’t you remember anything from last night
anything from last night
anything from last night she said no I don’t and then Justin said
she said no I don’t and then Justin said
she said no I don’t and then Justin said don’t worry I wore a condom Cathy was
don’t worry I wore a condom Cathy was
don’t worry I wore a condom Cathy was scared she don’t know she didn’t know
scared she don’t know she didn’t know
scared she don’t know she didn’t know what happened that night so she is left
what happened that night so she is left
what happened that night so she is left by herself to her apartment after this
by herself to her apartment after this
by herself to her apartment after this comes this stigma and be ready for him
comes this stigma and be ready for him
comes this stigma and be ready for him couple days after Cathy told this to a
couple days after Cathy told this to a
couple days after Cathy told this to a friend friend offers her friend response
friend friend offers her friend response
friend friend offers her friend response Cathy when you’re drunk you sleep with
Cathy when you’re drunk you sleep with
Cathy when you’re drunk you sleep with anyone after that Cathy told this to her
anyone after that Cathy told this to her
anyone after that Cathy told this to her boyfriend his response Cathy you were
boyfriend his response Cathy you were
boyfriend his response Cathy you were jealous because I slept with someone
jealous because I slept with someone
jealous because I slept with someone else
Cathy roommate started to ask questions
Cathy roommate started to ask questions like very very last night how much are
like very very last night how much are
like very very last night how much are you drinking who are you going out with
you drinking who are you going out with
you drinking who are you going out with and all of these questions that started
and all of these questions that started
and all of these questions that started to treat Cathy like a baby now this is
to treat Cathy like a baby now this is
to treat Cathy like a baby now this is this is what I want you to do I want you
this is what I want you to do I want you
this is what I want you to do I want you to step outside of your shoes and step
to step outside of your shoes and step
to step outside of your shoes and step into Cathy’s world I want you to leave
into Cathy’s world I want you to leave
into Cathy’s world I want you to leave your leave your world and step into
your leave your world and step into
your leave your world and step into Cathy’s world and now you see everybody
Cathy’s world and now you see everybody
Cathy’s world and now you see everybody is blaming you
is blaming you
is blaming you the rape that happened that night was
the rape that happened that night was
the rape that happened that night was awful not justice this is often known as
awful not justice this is often known as
awful not justice this is often known as blaming the victim it took a month –
blaming the victim it took a month –
blaming the victim it took a month – Cathy to realize that she was raped now
Cathy to realize that she was raped now
Cathy to realize that she was raped now I want to talk about about what what can
I want to talk about about what what can
I want to talk about about what what can we do about him you see in this whole
we do about him you see in this whole
we do about him you see in this whole story it wasn’t just Cathy and Justin
story it wasn’t just Cathy and Justin
story it wasn’t just Cathy and Justin who was involved there were more people
who was involved there were more people
who was involved there were more people around them Amy who was Cathy’s friend
around them Amy who was Cathy’s friend
around them Amy who was Cathy’s friend could have asked Cathy that night that
could have asked Cathy that night that
could have asked Cathy that night that hey do you wanna crash at my place
hey do you wanna crash at my place
hey do you wanna crash at my place tonight this is often known as bystander
tonight this is often known as bystander
tonight this is often known as bystander intervention in simple words if you see
intervention in simple words if you see
intervention in simple words if you see something wrong you do something well
something wrong you do something well
something wrong you do something well now you have to check that it’s safe for
now you have to check that it’s safe for
now you have to check that it’s safe for you to do
you to do
you to do thing and if it’s not you ask someone
thing and if it’s not you ask someone
thing and if it’s not you ask someone else to do it for example if you had a
else to do it for example if you had a
else to do it for example if you had a bar and you see someone is really drunk
bar and you see someone is really drunk
bar and you see someone is really drunk and someone is giving them drinks even
and someone is giving them drinks even
and someone is giving them drinks even when they’re drunk you can go up to the
when they’re drunk you can go up to the
when they’re drunk you can go up to the bartender and ask like hey can you check
bartender and ask like hey can you check
bartender and ask like hey can you check check on that person if you’re in a
check on that person if you’re in a
check on that person if you’re in a party maybe as the party host to do the
party maybe as the party host to do the
party maybe as the party host to do the same thing I know it’s easy to say and
same thing I know it’s easy to say and
same thing I know it’s easy to say and hard to do and even sometimes I go blank
hard to do and even sometimes I go blank
hard to do and even sometimes I go blank whenever I see something like this so I
whenever I see something like this so I
whenever I see something like this so I came up with this method of nice pants
came up with this method of nice pants
came up with this method of nice pants method what I do is whenever I see
method what I do is whenever I see
method what I do is whenever I see something like that I go up to them and
something like that I go up to them and
something like that I go up to them and I tell them I love your pants can I get
I tell them I love your pants can I get
I tell them I love your pants can I get ya get it it’s a simple way to have a
ya get it it’s a simple way to have a
ya get it it’s a simple way to have a conversation and maybe I might have
conversation and maybe I might have
conversation and maybe I might have stopped a rape and in future if you do
stopped a rape and in future if you do
stopped a rape and in future if you do if you see something like this you can
if you see something like this you can
if you see something like this you can ask the same thing and you might have
ask the same thing and you might have
ask the same thing and you might have stopped someone from getting raped to
stopped someone from getting raped to
stopped someone from getting raped to break the stigma check on yourself
break the stigma check on yourself
break the stigma check on yourself are you victim blaming often times we
are you victim blaming often times we
are you victim blaming often times we tend to ask questions like Kathy should
tend to ask questions like Kathy should
tend to ask questions like Kathy should have done blank if I was Kathy I’ve ever
have done blank if I was Kathy I’ve ever
have done blank if I was Kathy I’ve ever done blank if Kathy had known this blank
done blank if Kathy had known this blank
done blank if Kathy had known this blank these statements doesn’t help the victim
these statements doesn’t help the victim
these statements doesn’t help the victim at all instead it makes the victim feel
at all instead it makes the victim feel
at all instead it makes the victim feel that it was their fault a study done in
that it was their fault a study done in
that it was their fault a study done in 2016 also shows that if a story is told
2016 also shows that if a story is told
2016 also shows that if a story is told from victim standpoint people are more
from victim standpoint people are more
from victim standpoint people are more likely to blame the victim for example
likely to blame the victim for example
likely to blame the victim for example Kathy was raped by Justin in this can in
Kathy was raped by Justin in this can in
Kathy was raped by Justin in this can in this case people blamed Kathy for but if
this case people blamed Kathy for but if
this case people blamed Kathy for but if the story is told from the criminal
the story is told from the criminal
the story is told from the criminal standpoint people are more likely to be
standpoint people are more likely to be
standpoint people are more likely to be on the criminal example would be Justin
on the criminal example would be Justin
on the criminal example would be Justin raped Kathy and at this point people
raped Kathy and at this point people
raped Kathy and at this point people were more likely to blame
were more likely to blame
were more likely to blame 10 for you now how do I break the
10 for you now how do I break the
10 for you now how do I break the culture for culture let’s start asking
culture for culture let’s start asking
culture for culture let’s start asking each other questions I think as men we
each other questions I think as men we
each other questions I think as men we can as women this question how’s it like
can as women this question how’s it like
can as women this question how’s it like being a woman how’s it like being a
being a woman how’s it like being a
being a woman how’s it like being a female and as women you can ask the same
female and as women you can ask the same
female and as women you can ask the same question to men I would love to share my
question to men I would love to share my
question to men I would love to share my opinion sorry
opinion sorry
opinion sorry and of course here I’m this only doing
and of course here I’m this only doing
and of course here I’m this only doing male and female but there are more
male and female but there are more
male and female but there are more genders lesbian gay trans and bisexual
genders lesbian gay trans and bisexual
genders lesbian gay trans and bisexual and even more so to quickly go over
and even more so to quickly go over
and even more so to quickly go over these three points if you see something
these three points if you see something
these three points if you see something wrong ask them about their pants second
wrong ask them about their pants second
wrong ask them about their pants second thing check on yourself are you victim
thing check on yourself are you victim
thing check on yourself are you victim blaming and tell this story from the
blaming and tell this story from the
blaming and tell this story from the criminal standpoint third point ask each
criminal standpoint third point ask each
criminal standpoint third point ask each other questions I would also like to add
other questions I would also like to add
other questions I would also like to add that I’ve been working on a real-time
that I’ve been working on a real-time
that I’ve been working on a real-time anonymous chat platform so that people
anonymous chat platform so that people
anonymous chat platform so that people who go through something like this they
who go through something like this they
who go through something like this they have someone to talk to in the end I
have someone to talk to in the end I
have someone to talk to in the end I would like to show a picture of my
would like to show a picture of my
would like to show a picture of my family and a picture of my mom and I my
family and a picture of my mom and I my
family and a picture of my mom and I my mom did make me realize that I am a part
mom did make me realize that I am a part
mom did make me realize that I am a part of it but she also told me that I can do
of it but she also told me that I can do
of it but she also told me that I can do something about it
something about it
something about it and I strongly believe that so can each
and I strongly believe that so can each
and I strongly believe that so can each one of you thank you
one of you thank you
one of you thank you [Applause]
”
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