three four five six seven eight up until this fall with almost every
up until this fall with almost every
up until this fall with almost every step I took I counted I avoided all
step I took I counted I avoided all
step I took I counted I avoided all lines on the ground
lines on the ground
lines on the ground I couldn’t step on two different types
I couldn’t step on two different types
I couldn’t step on two different types of surfaces at the same time and I
of surfaces at the same time and I
of surfaces at the same time and I didn’t allow myself to step with my
didn’t allow myself to step with my
didn’t allow myself to step with my right foot more than my left whenever I
right foot more than my left whenever I
right foot more than my left whenever I was on the move my mind was occupied and
was on the move my mind was occupied and
was on the move my mind was occupied and concentrating I wasn’t trying to reach a
concentrating I wasn’t trying to reach a
concentrating I wasn’t trying to reach a daily step goal from my Fitbit noise I
daily step goal from my Fitbit noise I
daily step goal from my Fitbit noise I just bored walking from class to class
just bored walking from class to class
just bored walking from class to class rather my mind convinced me that if I
rather my mind convinced me that if I
rather my mind convinced me that if I stepped on a pebble with my left foot
stepped on a pebble with my left foot
stepped on a pebble with my left foot and didn’t do so with my right foot that
and didn’t do so with my right foot that
and didn’t do so with my right foot that someone I loved would die that might
someone I loved would die that might
someone I loved would die that might sound crazy but for me that’s my normal
sound crazy but for me that’s my normal
sound crazy but for me that’s my normal see I’ve obsessive-compulsive disorder
see I’ve obsessive-compulsive disorder
see I’ve obsessive-compulsive disorder yes I really did to say that to roomful
yes I really did to say that to roomful
yes I really did to say that to roomful my peers teachers friends and family
my peers teachers friends and family
my peers teachers friends and family mental health is rounded by so many
mental health is rounded by so many
mental health is rounded by so many stigmas and stereotypes and the reason
stigmas and stereotypes and the reason
stigmas and stereotypes and the reason I’m here talking is to help break down
I’m here talking is to help break down
I’m here talking is to help break down that shameful wall now I imagine when I
that shameful wall now I imagine when I
that shameful wall now I imagine when I said OCD a lot of you might have
said OCD a lot of you might have
said OCD a lot of you might have pictured obsessive hand washing or
pictured obsessive hand washing or
pictured obsessive hand washing or germophobia but OCD isn’t always
germophobia but OCD isn’t always
germophobia but OCD isn’t always obsessively organizing your environment
obsessively organizing your environment
obsessively organizing your environment or constantly cleaning my room my
or constantly cleaning my room my
or constantly cleaning my room my parents are here they can vouch for that
parents are here they can vouch for that
parents are here they can vouch for that but for me OCD has controlled my life
but for me OCD has controlled my life
but for me OCD has controlled my life for Quine everything I do to be even
for Quine everything I do to be even
for Quine everything I do to be even symmetrical and checked at least four
symmetrical and checked at least four
symmetrical and checked at least four times this disorder has two main aspects
times this disorder has two main aspects
times this disorder has two main aspects to it
to it
to it the first being categorized into the
the first being categorized into the
the first being categorized into the obsessive part of OCD these are called
obsessive part of OCD these are called
obsessive part of OCD these are called intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts
intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts
intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts are unwanted words images or thoughts
are unwanted words images or thoughts
are unwanted words images or thoughts that cause a person anxiety and
that cause a person anxiety and
that cause a person anxiety and unpleasantness but that person isn’t
unpleasantness but that person isn’t
unpleasantness but that person isn’t able to get rid of that thought so for
able to get rid of that thought so for
able to get rid of that thought so for me a major part of my OCD stems from
me a major part of my OCD stems from
me a major part of my OCD stems from what’s called harm OCD this means that a
what’s called harm OCD this means that a
what’s called harm OCD this means that a lot of my intrusive thoughts are fears
lot of my intrusive thoughts are fears
lot of my intrusive thoughts are fears or violent images so for example while
or violent images so for example while
or violent images so for example while walking down the stairs I’ll get an
walking down the stairs I’ll get an
walking down the stairs I’ll get an intrusive image of a person in front of
intrusive image of a person in front of
intrusive image of a person in front of me tripping and begging my neck or it
me tripping and begging my neck or it
me tripping and begging my neck or it could be an intrusive thought while
could be an intrusive thought while
could be an intrusive thought while driving like if your left arm jerked
driving like if your left arm jerked
driving like if your left arm jerked you’d crash into all those cars now fear
you’d crash into all those cars now fear
you’d crash into all those cars now fear and anxiety are a healthy important part
and anxiety are a healthy important part
and anxiety are a healthy important part of life for everyone but when you have
of life for everyone but when you have
of life for everyone but when you have OCD or an anxiety disorder that fear and
OCD or an anxiety disorder that fear and
OCD or an anxiety disorder that fear and anxiety can take over almost every
anxiety can take over almost every
anxiety can take over almost every moment of your life one of my previous
moment of your life one of my previous
moment of your life one of my previous therapists explained it to me like this
therapists explained it to me like this
therapists explained it to me like this everyone has what’s called a worried
everyone has what’s called a worried
everyone has what’s called a worried bang your work brain plays an important
bang your work brain plays an important
bang your work brain plays an important role by sending off one-nil arms at
role by sending off one-nil arms at
role by sending off one-nil arms at appropriate times but then
appropriate times but then
appropriate times but then be dismissed when you can see you’re not
be dismissed when you can see you’re not
be dismissed when you can see you’re not in danger now imagine that word brain as
in danger now imagine that word brain as
in danger now imagine that word brain as a magnet for a healthy brain that magnet
a magnet for a healthy brain that magnet
a magnet for a healthy brain that magnet will not overpower other thoughts but
will not overpower other thoughts but
will not overpower other thoughts but with an OCD worry bane that magnet is so
with an OCD worry bane that magnet is so
with an OCD worry bane that magnet is so strong it has the ability to overtake
strong it has the ability to overtake
strong it has the ability to overtake everything at any time even when there’s
everything at any time even when there’s
everything at any time even when there’s no reason for fear so imagine you’re
no reason for fear so imagine you’re
no reason for fear so imagine you’re sitting in class with no external
sitting in class with no external
sitting in class with no external stressors it’s just a typical day of
stressors it’s just a typical day of
stressors it’s just a typical day of math then you get an intrusive image of
math then you get an intrusive image of
math then you get an intrusive image of your teacher tripping while lecturing
your teacher tripping while lecturing
your teacher tripping while lecturing and hitting their head with a healthy
and hitting their head with a healthy
and hitting their head with a healthy bein you might still get this sob but
bein you might still get this sob but
bein you might still get this sob but you’re able to dismiss it but with an
you’re able to dismiss it but with an
you’re able to dismiss it but with an OCD worry bein that thought will hold
OCD worry bein that thought will hold
OCD worry bein that thought will hold all of your attention causing you to
all of your attention causing you to
all of your attention causing you to become extremely overwhelmed with
become extremely overwhelmed with
become extremely overwhelmed with anxiety preventing you from paying
anxiety preventing you from paying
anxiety preventing you from paying attention to the task at hand so the
attention to the task at hand so the
attention to the task at hand so the second aspect of this disorder are
second aspect of this disorder are
second aspect of this disorder are compulsions which are categorized into
compulsions which are categorized into
compulsions which are categorized into the yep you kept the compulsive part of
the yep you kept the compulsive part of
the yep you kept the compulsive part of OCD my compulsions are small actions
OCD my compulsions are small actions
OCD my compulsions are small actions that I take in order to make things
that I take in order to make things
that I take in order to make things right
right
right an example of this is reading anything I
an example of this is reading anything I
an example of this is reading anything I bite including this TED talk for extra
bite including this TED talk for extra
bite including this TED talk for extra times in order to check if I swore or
times in order to check if I swore or
times in order to check if I swore or said something offensive even though I
said something offensive even though I
said something offensive even though I know I didn’t so it’s normal for people
know I didn’t so it’s normal for people
know I didn’t so it’s normal for people to reread emails and essays but when you
to reread emails and essays but when you
to reread emails and essays but when you have OCD that otherwise healthy editing
have OCD that otherwise healthy editing
have OCD that otherwise healthy editing can take a very unhealthy turn your
can take a very unhealthy turn your
can take a very unhealthy turn your brain will convince you that the words
brain will convince you that the words
brain will convince you that the words you’ve seen are not actually the words
you’ve seen are not actually the words
you’ve seen are not actually the words that are there this can this makes me go
that are there this can this makes me go
that are there this can this makes me go back and reread old text emails and past
back and reread old text emails and past
back and reread old text emails and past assignments to check for these out of
assignments to check for these out of
assignments to check for these out of place offensive statements other
place offensive statements other
place offensive statements other compulsions I have tend to deal with
compulsions I have tend to deal with
compulsions I have tend to deal with balance and symmetry like how I count my
balance and symmetry like how I count my
balance and symmetry like how I count my steps or stuff evenly on colors and
steps or stuff evenly on colors and
steps or stuff evenly on colors and surfaces a lot of my compulsions are
surfaces a lot of my compulsions are
surfaces a lot of my compulsions are small actions that my brain convinces me
small actions that my brain convinces me
small actions that my brain convinces me I need to take because these actions
I need to take because these actions
I need to take because these actions seem so insignificant outside observers
seem so insignificant outside observers
seem so insignificant outside observers assume that they don’t pose a threat so
assume that they don’t pose a threat so
assume that they don’t pose a threat so for example every time I crack my
for example every time I crack my
for example every time I crack my knuckles in my right hand I had to do so
knuckles in my right hand I had to do so
knuckles in my right hand I had to do so with my left hand in the exact same
with my left hand in the exact same
with my left hand in the exact same order or if my left had bumped into a
order or if my left had bumped into a
order or if my left had bumped into a table I have to put my right hip into a
table I have to put my right hip into a
table I have to put my right hip into a table the list goes on and on now while
table the list goes on and on now while
table the list goes on and on now while I agree that these actions by themselves
I agree that these actions by themselves
I agree that these actions by themselves don’t pose a threat to everyday life
don’t pose a threat to everyday life
don’t pose a threat to everyday life people with OCD don’t complete
people with OCD don’t complete
people with OCD don’t complete compulsions just because behind every
compulsions just because behind every
compulsions just because behind every compulsion is a very convincing and
compulsion is a very convincing and
compulsion is a very convincing and often frightening reason that reason can
often frightening reason that reason can
often frightening reason that reason can be as Extreme as being convinced a loved
be as Extreme as being convinced a loved
be as Extreme as being convinced a loved one would die or you’d fail all your
one would die or you’d fail all your
one would die or you’d fail all your classes if a compulsion isn’t completed
classes if a compulsion isn’t completed
classes if a compulsion isn’t completed correctly now that’s a lot of
correctly now that’s a lot of
correctly now that’s a lot of information
information
information most of it probably a little shocking
most of it probably a little shocking
most of it probably a little shocking and new and that’s okay I myself didn’t
and new and that’s okay I myself didn’t
and new and that’s okay I myself didn’t know I had OCD until last fall I was 16
know I had OCD until last fall I was 16
know I had OCD until last fall I was 16 and a half years old and had no clue
and a half years old and had no clue
and a half years old and had no clue even though I’d been living with this
even though I’d been living with this
even though I’d been living with this disorder my entire life the first time I
disorder my entire life the first time I
disorder my entire life the first time I was diagnosed is actually pretty funny
was diagnosed is actually pretty funny
was diagnosed is actually pretty funny I’ve seen that the lunch tables my
I’ve seen that the lunch tables my
I’ve seen that the lunch tables my friends and some of them started
friends and some of them started
friends and some of them started quizzing each other for the test in vain
quizzing each other for the test in vain
quizzing each other for the test in vain behavior in psychology and some of the
behavior in psychology and some of the
behavior in psychology and some of the OCD vocabularies hearing was hidden way
OCD vocabularies hearing was hidden way
OCD vocabularies hearing was hidden way too close to home so that night I asked
too close to home so that night I asked
too close to home so that night I asked my parents if I could go see a therapist
my parents if I could go see a therapist
my parents if I could go see a therapist I started seeing an OCD specialist and
I started seeing an OCD specialist and
I started seeing an OCD specialist and was officially diagnosed with OCD and
was officially diagnosed with OCD and
was officially diagnosed with OCD and general anxiety then a month into my
general anxiety then a month into my
general anxiety then a month into my senior year I left school to attend a
senior year I left school to attend a
senior year I left school to attend a partial hospitalization program I was
partial hospitalization program I was
partial hospitalization program I was gone from school for three full weeks
gone from school for three full weeks
gone from school for three full weeks and three weeks of half days that’s a
and three weeks of half days that’s a
and three weeks of half days that’s a lot of missing classes to get treatment
lot of missing classes to get treatment
lot of missing classes to get treatment for OCD and I had no idea what to expect
for OCD and I had no idea what to expect
for OCD and I had no idea what to expect so I’d arrive at the program in the
so I’d arrive at the program in the
so I’d arrive at the program in the morning and have goop therapy with other
morning and have goop therapy with other
morning and have goop therapy with other kids this would typically be mindfulness
kids this would typically be mindfulness
kids this would typically be mindfulness or art therapy to help manage more
or art therapy to help manage more
or art therapy to help manage more general anxiety issues then the
general anxiety issues then the
general anxiety issues then the remaining 5 hours was intense individual
remaining 5 hours was intense individual
remaining 5 hours was intense individual exposure therapy exposure therapy is
exposure therapy exposure therapy is
exposure therapy exposure therapy is basically when you tell your therapist
basically when you tell your therapist
basically when you tell your therapist what scares you and then they make you
what scares you and then they make you
what scares you and then they make you do it from until that level of fear
do it from until that level of fear
do it from until that level of fear comes down from the OCD word level to
comes down from the OCD word level to
comes down from the OCD word level to the normal healthy worried brain level
the normal healthy worried brain level
the normal healthy worried brain level for me this often looked like leaning
for me this often looked like leaning
for me this often looked like leaning over stairwell Valens or sitting with
over stairwell Valens or sitting with
over stairwell Valens or sitting with dried hair gel on my hands to get used
dried hair gel on my hands to get used
dried hair gel on my hands to get used to the texture or having people bump
to the texture or having people bump
to the texture or having people bump into one side of me and resisting
into one side of me and resisting
into one side of me and resisting cutting down on the other and so much
cutting down on the other and so much
cutting down on the other and so much more the biggest exposure I ever did
more the biggest exposure I ever did
more the biggest exposure I ever did dealt with my intrusive thoughts of
dealt with my intrusive thoughts of
dealt with my intrusive thoughts of liquids going in and out of my veins
liquids going in and out of my veins
liquids going in and out of my veins when I got a shot so for the last week
when I got a shot so for the last week
when I got a shot so for the last week of program i sat examining a box of
of program i sat examining a box of
of program i sat examining a box of doctors needles and looking at clean
doctors needles and looking at clean
doctors needles and looking at clean ones close up then on the last day
ones close up then on the last day
ones close up then on the last day program I gave myself a shot yeah I
program I gave myself a shot yeah I
program I gave myself a shot yeah I stuck a needle in my own arm and didn’t
stuck a needle in my own arm and didn’t
stuck a needle in my own arm and didn’t even have an anxiety attack because
even have an anxiety attack because
even have an anxiety attack because apparently exposure therapy works so
apparently exposure therapy works so
apparently exposure therapy works so exposure therapy is part of what’s
exposure therapy is part of what’s
exposure therapy is part of what’s called cognitive behavioral therapy or
called cognitive behavioral therapy or
called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT that’s one type of treatment I’ve
CBT that’s one type of treatment I’ve
CBT that’s one type of treatment I’ve done I’ve been to ten different
done I’ve been to ten different
done I’ve been to ten different clinicians and that’s a lot of doctors
clinicians and that’s a lot of doctors
clinicians and that’s a lot of doctors but they’ve all helped me and focused on
but they’ve all helped me and focused on
but they’ve all helped me and focused on different aspects of my mental health
different aspects of my mental health
different aspects of my mental health struggles the therapists I now go to
struggles the therapists I now go to
struggles the therapists I now go to does DBT which is learning how to live
does DBT which is learning how to live
does DBT which is learning how to live in the gray even when the world seems
in the gray even when the world seems
in the gray even when the world seems black and white so for me when my OCD
black and white so for me when my OCD
black and white so for me when my OCD tendencies lessened and I learned to
tendencies lessened and I learned to
tendencies lessened and I learned to dismiss intrusive thoughts or business
dismiss intrusive thoughts or business
dismiss intrusive thoughts or business Polson’s the space they occupied in my
Polson’s the space they occupied in my
Polson’s the space they occupied in my brain became empty so DBT helps you fill
brain became empty so DBT helps you fill
brain became empty so DBT helps you fill that void with healthy coping behaviors
that void with healthy coping behaviors
that void with healthy coping behaviors therapy has saved me I’ve gone through a
therapy has saved me I’ve gone through a
therapy has saved me I’ve gone through a lot throughout my life and I will never
lot throughout my life and I will never
lot throughout my life and I will never stop advocating that therapy is a very
stop advocating that therapy is a very
stop advocating that therapy is a very valid option for anyone and anyone to be
valid option for anyone and anyone to be
valid option for anyone and anyone to be able to get the help they need without
able to get the help they need without
able to get the help they need without the social shame that comes with it and
the social shame that comes with it and
the social shame that comes with it and therapy isn’t just for people with
therapy isn’t just for people with
therapy isn’t just for people with diagnosed mental disorders talking with
diagnosed mental disorders talking with
diagnosed mental disorders talking with someone can help with the stresses of
someone can help with the stresses of
someone can help with the stresses of everyday life and here at Lake force
everyday life and here at Lake force
everyday life and here at Lake force high school was so lucky to have amazing
high school was so lucky to have amazing
high school was so lucky to have amazing social workers and if you’re a senior
social workers and if you’re a senior
social workers and if you’re a senior like me preparing to head off to college
like me preparing to head off to college
like me preparing to head off to college go online and see what resources your
go online and see what resources your
go online and see what resources your school has to offer with that major life
school has to offer with that major life
school has to offer with that major life change just like many other mental
change just like many other mental
change just like many other mental disorders OCD is a lifelong disorder
disorders OCD is a lifelong disorder
disorders OCD is a lifelong disorder there’s no complete cure for OCD like
there’s no complete cure for OCD like
there’s no complete cure for OCD like how you take Advil for a headache or
how you take Advil for a headache or
how you take Advil for a headache or dayquil for a cold but that doesn’t mean
dayquil for a cold but that doesn’t mean
dayquil for a cold but that doesn’t mean life with OCD isn’t manageable therapy
life with OCD isn’t manageable therapy
life with OCD isn’t manageable therapy medication and coping behaviors are all
medication and coping behaviors are all
medication and coping behaviors are all ways to live an amazing life alongside
ways to live an amazing life alongside
ways to live an amazing life alongside anxiety I’ve been going through
anxiety I’ve been going through
anxiety I’ve been going through treatment for just over a year now and I
treatment for just over a year now and I
treatment for just over a year now and I still have struggles every day but I
still have struggles every day but I
still have struggles every day but I wouldn’t choose to go through life
wouldn’t choose to go through life
wouldn’t choose to go through life without OCD OCD has given me such a
without OCD OCD has given me such a
without OCD OCD has given me such a unique perspective on the world and has
unique perspective on the world and has
unique perspective on the world and has taught me so many lessons making me
taught me so many lessons making me
taught me so many lessons making me stronger so I want to end this talk by
stronger so I want to end this talk by
stronger so I want to end this talk by saying that you are so much more than
saying that you are so much more than
saying that you are so much more than your struggles just like how I’m more
your struggles just like how I’m more
your struggles just like how I’m more than my OCD and that’s why I can walk
than my OCD and that’s why I can walk
than my OCD and that’s why I can walk off this stage without counting my steps
off this stage without counting my steps
off this stage without counting my steps thank you
”
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