when I was young ever since I was a young boy there was a phrase that
young boy there was a phrase that
young boy there was a phrase that constantly kept jumping back at me and
constantly kept jumping back at me and
constantly kept jumping back at me and although it came in different sentence
although it came in different sentence
although it came in different sentence structures they always found its way
structures they always found its way
structures they always found its way back boys
back boys
back boys don’t cry now it didn’t matter if I’d
don’t cry now it didn’t matter if I’d
don’t cry now it didn’t matter if I’d fallen off a swing and hurt myself if it
fallen off a swing and hurt myself if it
fallen off a swing and hurt myself if it was my first day at a new school or if I
was my first day at a new school or if I
was my first day at a new school or if I was genuinely just desperate for
was genuinely just desperate for
was genuinely just desperate for attention I was constantly reminded that
attention I was constantly reminded that
attention I was constantly reminded that if I truly was a boy I wouldn’t cry and
if I truly was a boy I wouldn’t cry and
if I truly was a boy I wouldn’t cry and it came from everywhere parents teachers
it came from everywhere parents teachers
it came from everywhere parents teachers friends television even my doctor said
friends television even my doctor said
friends television even my doctor said it I guess what I’m trying to say is
it I guess what I’m trying to say is
it I guess what I’m trying to say is that it came from society Society
that it came from society Society
that it came from society Society claimed that if a boy or a man is to cry
claimed that if a boy or a man is to cry
claimed that if a boy or a man is to cry there is something wrong with him almost
there is something wrong with him almost
there is something wrong with him almost as though masculinity is fragile enough
as though masculinity is fragile enough
as though masculinity is fragile enough to be broken by a drop of water but
to be broken by a drop of water but
to be broken by a drop of water but growing up I took it now I wipe my tears
growing up I took it now I wipe my tears
growing up I took it now I wipe my tears and put on a brave face I tried to fit
and put on a brave face I tried to fit
and put on a brave face I tried to fit society’s mold of a boy and then I
society’s mold of a boy and then I
society’s mold of a boy and then I started to get bullied a lot and for the
started to get bullied a lot and for the
started to get bullied a lot and for the land along with the generic boys don’t
land along with the generic boys don’t
land along with the generic boys don’t cry came more sexist in stereotypical
cry came more sexist in stereotypical
cry came more sexist in stereotypical terms like don’t act like a girl now for
terms like don’t act like a girl now for
terms like don’t act like a girl now for the longest time when I cried I tried to
the longest time when I cried I tried to
the longest time when I cried I tried to make sure I was alone because I didn’t
make sure I was alone because I didn’t
make sure I was alone because I didn’t need another reminder on how to be a boy
need another reminder on how to be a boy
need another reminder on how to be a boy what I needed was an outlet
what I needed was an outlet
what I needed was an outlet what I needed was a way to let go of all
what I needed was a way to let go of all
what I needed was a way to let go of all the negative energy that was building up
the negative energy that was building up
the negative energy that was building up inside of me and then something
inside of me and then something
inside of me and then something remarkable happened
remarkable happened
remarkable happened so let’s flashback to the eighth grade
so let’s flashback to the eighth grade
so let’s flashback to the eighth grade I’m in my student in my school
I’m in my student in my school
I’m in my student in my school counselor’s office on the word of a
counselor’s office on the word of a
counselor’s office on the word of a breakdown and as I try to find the words
breakdown and as I try to find the words
breakdown and as I try to find the words to tell her what’s wrong I start to cry
to tell her what’s wrong I start to cry
to tell her what’s wrong I start to cry and immediately I wipe my tears and I
and immediately I wipe my tears and I
and immediately I wipe my tears and I think I’m sorry I I don’t mean to cry
think I’m sorry I I don’t mean to cry
think I’m sorry I I don’t mean to cry and you know what she does she pulls out
and you know what she does she pulls out
and you know what she does she pulls out a tissue hands it over to me and says
a tissue hands it over to me and says
a tissue hands it over to me and says it’s okay you’re allowed to pull imagine
it’s okay you’re allowed to pull imagine
it’s okay you’re allowed to pull imagine that after years and years of being told
that after years and years of being told
that after years and years of being told I shouldn’t this woman in an instant
I shouldn’t this woman in an instant
I shouldn’t this woman in an instant tells me I can and then I did I cried
tells me I can and then I did I cried
tells me I can and then I did I cried over everything I possibly could pray
over everything I possibly could pray
over everything I possibly could pray about whether it was this this tore my
about whether it was this this tore my
about whether it was this this tore my personal favorite this high school when
personal favorite this high school when
personal favorite this high school when I started high school things were Rocky
I started high school things were Rocky
I started high school things were Rocky as they always are I mean it’s high
as they always are I mean it’s high
as they always are I mean it’s high school but I knew that no matter how
school but I knew that no matter how
school but I knew that no matter how intense things got I could deal with it
intense things got I could deal with it
intense things got I could deal with it almost as though I had a switch when
almost as though I had a switch when
almost as though I had a switch when everything’s got too messy or too
everything’s got too messy or too
everything’s got too messy or too complicated I just step back flip the
complicated I just step back flip the
complicated I just step back flip the switch cry and let all the negativity
switch cry and let all the negativity
switch cry and let all the negativity flow out this way there wasn’t a
flow out this way there wasn’t a
flow out this way there wasn’t a constant buildup of negativity and I
constant buildup of negativity and I
constant buildup of negativity and I started looking at life more positively
started looking at life more positively
started looking at life more positively and then I didn’t even feel the need to
and then I didn’t even feel the need to
and then I didn’t even feel the need to cry that much anymore because just
cry that much anymore because just
cry that much anymore because just knowing that I had an outlet that if I
knowing that I had an outlet that if I
knowing that I had an outlet that if I wanted to I could allowed me to become
wanted to I could allowed me to become
wanted to I could allowed me to become more emotionally in charge of myself but
more emotionally in charge of myself but
more emotionally in charge of myself but what would have happened if I was never
what would have happened if I was never
what would have happened if I was never told that I’m allowed to I realized that
told that I’m allowed to I realized that
told that I’m allowed to I realized that society from the get-go constantly tells
society from the get-go constantly tells
society from the get-go constantly tells boys that they’re softer
boys that they’re softer
boys that they’re softer an emotional side is less credible
an emotional side is less credible
an emotional side is less credible almost as though they’re not allowed to
almost as though they’re not allowed to
almost as though they’re not allowed to talk about their feelings or vent their
talk about their feelings or vent their
talk about their feelings or vent their feelings or cry about their feelings
feelings or cry about their feelings
feelings or cry about their feelings because that’s not what guys do this
because that’s not what guys do this
because that’s not what guys do this leaves room for what the harder and
leaves room for what the harder and
leaves room for what the harder and logical side now this isn’t a problem
logical side now this isn’t a problem
logical side now this isn’t a problem not completely anyway it is important
not completely anyway it is important
not completely anyway it is important for humans to be concrete and logical
for humans to be concrete and logical
for humans to be concrete and logical however this turns into a problem when
however this turns into a problem when
however this turns into a problem when guys began to grow up and they’re put
guys began to grow up and they’re put
guys began to grow up and they’re put into complicated situations and trials
into complicated situations and trials
into complicated situations and trials of life because they’ve never been told
of life because they’ve never been told
of life because they’ve never been told that they’re allowed they’ve never had a
that they’re allowed they’ve never had a
that they’re allowed they’ve never had a switch and then society says to them
switch and then society says to them
switch and then society says to them deal with it like a man so now when a
deal with it like a man so now when a
deal with it like a man so now when a problem stands before us and we’re lost
problem stands before us and we’re lost
problem stands before us and we’re lost we wipe our tears and we deal with it
we wipe our tears and we deal with it
we wipe our tears and we deal with it and then another problem occurs and we
and then another problem occurs and we
and then another problem occurs and we deal with that too and then another and
deal with that too and then another and
deal with that too and then another and we deal and then another and another and
we deal and then another and another and
we deal and then another and another and another and each time we deal with it
another and each time we deal with it
another and each time we deal with it but what happens when we just can’t deal
but what happens when we just can’t deal
but what happens when we just can’t deal with it anymore think about it what
with it anymore think about it what
with it anymore think about it what happens to a man when he loses someone
happens to a man when he loses someone
happens to a man when he loses someone to death or is in a toxic relationship
to death or is in a toxic relationship
to death or is in a toxic relationship when a husband is sacked out of a job
when a husband is sacked out of a job
when a husband is sacked out of a job her brother is diagnosed with a terminal
her brother is diagnosed with a terminal
her brother is diagnosed with a terminal illness when your best friend puts in
illness when your best friend puts in
illness when your best friend puts in blood sweat and bone but bill doesn’t
blood sweat and bone but bill doesn’t
blood sweat and bone but bill doesn’t pass that exam or when a soldier is
pass that exam or when a soldier is
pass that exam or when a soldier is stationed far far away from his baby
stationed far far away from his baby
stationed far far away from his baby girl and fears that the first time he’s
girl and fears that the first time he’s
girl and fears that the first time he’s holding her might be the last put
holding her might be the last put
holding her might be the last put yourselves in those heavy shoes for just
yourselves in those heavy shoes for just
yourselves in those heavy shoes for just a second and imagine then
a second and imagine then
a second and imagine then being told to deal with it
being told to deal with it
being told to deal with it the constant suppression of a male’s
the constant suppression of a male’s
the constant suppression of a male’s emotions here after day after day year
emotions here after day after day year
emotions here after day after day year after year layer over layer what happens
after year layer over layer what happens
after year layer over layer what happens when there’s no more space left to
when there’s no more space left to
when there’s no more space left to suppress these emotions when all that
suppress these emotions when all that
suppress these emotions when all that masculinity and all that macho and all
masculinity and all that macho and all
masculinity and all that macho and all that strength finally wears out
statistics say that men are three times
statistics say that men are three times more likely to become dependent on
more likely to become dependent on
more likely to become dependent on substances such as alcohol drugs or
substances such as alcohol drugs or
substances such as alcohol drugs or cigarettes it also says that one in
cigarettes it also says that one in
cigarettes it also says that one in eight men are likely to be diagnosed
eight men are likely to be diagnosed
eight men are likely to be diagnosed with a common mental illness like
with a common mental illness like
with a common mental illness like anxiety or OCD and suicide suicide is
anxiety or OCD and suicide suicide is
anxiety or OCD and suicide suicide is the leading cause for four of men of
the leading cause for four of men of
the leading cause for four of men of death for men 135 but wait this can’t
death for men 135 but wait this can’t
death for men 135 but wait this can’t show the whole picture I mean how could
show the whole picture I mean how could
show the whole picture I mean how could it these are chest percentages and
it these are chest percentages and
it these are chest percentages and recordings taken off of men who have
recordings taken off of men who have
recordings taken off of men who have actually spoken up but even then there
actually spoken up but even then there
actually spoken up but even then there are men in the world who even in the
are men in the world who even in the
are men in the world who even in the roughest points in their life feel like
roughest points in their life feel like
roughest points in their life feel like their emotions aren’t valid to be spoken
their emotions aren’t valid to be spoken
their emotions aren’t valid to be spoken about or valid to be expressed and then
about or valid to be expressed and then
about or valid to be expressed and then what happens
they break down they don’t have a strong
they break down they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional science
connection with their emotional science
connection with their emotional science which causes them to be paralyzed from
which causes them to be paralyzed from
which causes them to be paralyzed from figuring out what’s causing these
figuring out what’s causing these
figuring out what’s causing these emotions to arise how to deal with them
emotions to arise how to deal with them
emotions to arise how to deal with them and how to put them into words and then
and how to put them into words and then
and how to put them into words and then comes denial and comes anger then what’s
comes denial and comes anger then what’s
comes denial and comes anger then what’s the main outlet for anger violence and
the main outlet for anger violence and
the main outlet for anger violence and in many ways we know how this violence
in many ways we know how this violence
in many ways we know how this violence reflects at home in social circles and
reflects at home in social circles and
reflects at home in social circles and communities we hear it on the radio we
communities we hear it on the radio we
communities we hear it on the radio we read in the news we see it on social
read in the news we see it on social
read in the news we see it on social media every single day and in a world
media every single day and in a world
media every single day and in a world that’s already so consumed with violence
that’s already so consumed with violence
that’s already so consumed with violence hate and anger why must we continuously
hate and anger why must we continuously
hate and anger why must we continuously send our boys on a path that leads to
send our boys on a path that leads to
send our boys on a path that leads to more anger that trains them to be so
more anger that trains them to be so
more anger that trains them to be so rough and so tough for many people
rough and so tough for many people
rough and so tough for many people crying is a sign of weakness but not for
crying is a sign of weakness but not for
crying is a sign of weakness but not for me I see it differently I think that
me I see it differently I think that
me I see it differently I think that crying is in fact the sign of a stronger
crying is in fact the sign of a stronger
crying is in fact the sign of a stronger human being regardless of gender because
human being regardless of gender because
human being regardless of gender because this human being has a connection
this human being has a connection
this human being has a connection between this and this so why don’t we
between this and this so why don’t we
between this and this so why don’t we nurture more men more boys to develop
nurture more men more boys to develop
nurture more men more boys to develop this connection and let’s start early
this connection and let’s start early
this connection and let’s start early let’s give them the switch because what
let’s give them the switch because what
let’s give them the switch because what we need to do is transform the way
we need to do is transform the way
we need to do is transform the way society raises boys and continuously
society raises boys and continuously
society raises boys and continuously tells them that their emotions cannot be
tells them that their emotions cannot be
tells them that their emotions cannot be spoken about or that they can’t cry
spoken about or that they can’t cry
spoken about or that they can’t cry about it what this will do in the long
about it what this will do in the long
about it what this will do in the long run is that when a boy grows up and it’s
run is that when a boy grows up and it’s
run is that when a boy grows up and it’s put in a messy messy situation
put in a messy messy situation
put in a messy messy situation his response to that situation will be
his response to that situation will be
his response to that situation will be an intricate blend of soft and heart of
an intricate blend of soft and heart of
an intricate blend of soft and heart of emotion and logic there won’t be a
emotion and logic there won’t be a
emotion and logic there won’t be a constant suppression over time of
constant suppression over time of
constant suppression over time of emotions which could lead to a healthier
emotions which could lead to a healthier
emotions which could lead to a healthier lifestyle boys and men would understand
lifestyle boys and men would understand
lifestyle boys and men would understand and be more likely to understand the
and be more likely to understand the
and be more likely to understand the consequences of their words and actions
consequences of their words and actions
consequences of their words and actions on other people and maybe just maybe
on other people and maybe just maybe
on other people and maybe just maybe dare I say we won’t feel the need to be
dare I say we won’t feel the need to be
dare I say we won’t feel the need to be so dominating all the time
phrases like boys don’t cry and don’t
phrases like boys don’t cry and don’t act like a girl will eventually become
act like a girl will eventually become
act like a girl will eventually become obsolete as they should because if we’re
obsolete as they should because if we’re
obsolete as they should because if we’re constantly Canadian tears and weakness
constantly Canadian tears and weakness
constantly Canadian tears and weakness with tears and crying with weakness and
with tears and crying with weakness and
with tears and crying with weakness and fragility then why is it okay for us to
fragility then why is it okay for us to
fragility then why is it okay for us to let our girls cry if we want to raise
let our girls cry if we want to raise
let our girls cry if we want to raise strong independent women then we cannot
strong independent women then we cannot
strong independent women then we cannot let society constantly tell them that
let society constantly tell them that
let society constantly tell them that being weak and fragile is something that
being weak and fragile is something that
being weak and fragile is something that just comes with their gender no I
just comes with their gender no I
just comes with their gender no I genuinely believe that as boys grow up
genuinely believe that as boys grow up
genuinely believe that as boys grow up they either connect or disconnect with
they either connect or disconnect with
they either connect or disconnect with their emotional sides in this connection
their emotional sides in this connection
their emotional sides in this connection that I develop when I was young it’s
that I develop when I was young it’s
that I develop when I was young it’s helped me grow into a more positive
helped me grow into a more positive
helped me grow into a more positive person it’s helped me look at life with
person it’s helped me look at life with
person it’s helped me look at life with the balance and after years and years of
the balance and after years and years of
the balance and after years and years of being told that I shouldn’t cry I found
being told that I shouldn’t cry I found
being told that I shouldn’t cry I found my strength in crime and that’s why
my strength in crime and that’s why
my strength in crime and that’s why today I can stand here without fear of
today I can stand here without fear of
today I can stand here without fear of judgement and tell you that I do cry
judgement and tell you that I do cry
judgement and tell you that I do cry when needed to I guess what
when needed to I guess what
when needed to I guess what society really needs to do is start with
society really needs to do is start with
society really needs to do is start with the emission of two letters thank you
the emission of two letters thank you
the emission of two letters thank you [Applause]
”
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