the first time I was sexually assaulted I was seven years old when I was about
I was seven years old when I was about
I was seven years old when I was about nine it had
nine it had
nine it had different situation different person but
different situation different person but
different situation different person but the message was the same you want this
the message was the same you want this
the message was the same you want this I can tell then when I was about 11 I
I can tell then when I was about 11 I
I can tell then when I was about 11 I developed breasts and became known as
developed breasts and became known as
developed breasts and became known as what is called fair game for advances
what is called fair game for advances
what is called fair game for advances from older boys and men and became aware
from older boys and men and became aware
from older boys and men and became aware that I was surrounded by danger pretty
that I was surrounded by danger pretty
that I was surrounded by danger pretty much all the time
much all the time
much all the time I was called things like jailbait more
I was called things like jailbait more
I was called things like jailbait more often than I can even count and even
often than I can even count and even
often than I can even count and even though that is such a disgusting term it
though that is such a disgusting term it
though that is such a disgusting term it was always said to me as a compliment
was always said to me as a compliment
was always said to me as a compliment later on when I was about 18 I fell into
later on when I was about 18 I fell into
later on when I was about 18 I fell into a manipulative and abusive emotionally
a manipulative and abusive emotionally
a manipulative and abusive emotionally abusive relationship with a man who
abusive relationship with a man who
abusive relationship with a man who blamed me for how much I made him want
blamed me for how much I made him want
blamed me for how much I made him want me now all of these experiences and so
me now all of these experiences and so
me now all of these experiences and so many more
many more
many more added up to me that I couldn’t think
added up to me that I couldn’t think
added up to me that I couldn’t think about my body without thinking about
about my body without thinking about
about my body without thinking about danger I considered my body a liability
danger I considered my body a liability
danger I considered my body a liability something I needed to hide and protect
something I needed to hide and protect
something I needed to hide and protect not just for my own good but for the
not just for my own good but for the
not just for my own good but for the good of everyone around me and I was
good of everyone around me and I was
good of everyone around me and I was left with this sense that all those boys
left with this sense that all those boys
left with this sense that all those boys and men who sexualized objectified
and men who sexualized objectified
and men who sexualized objectified assaulted and violated my body in
assaulted and violated my body in
assaulted and violated my body in various ways over the years that they
various ways over the years that they
various ways over the years that they almost have known something true about
almost have known something true about
almost have known something true about me I felt sure that they could just tell
me I felt sure that they could just tell
me I felt sure that they could just tell that I was the kind of girl you
that I was the kind of girl you
that I was the kind of girl you sexualized and objectify that I must
sexualized and objectify that I must
sexualized and objectify that I must have been the kind of girl you violate
have been the kind of girl you violate
have been the kind of girl you violate now I didn’t call that belief shame at
now I didn’t call that belief shame at
now I didn’t call that belief shame at the time although that is what it was I
the time although that is what it was I
the time although that is what it was I just called it my identity and I spent
just called it my identity and I spent
just called it my identity and I spent years and years with the belief that
years and years with the belief that
years and years with the belief that there was just something about me
there was just something about me
there was just something about me something that everyone could see just
something that everyone could see just
something that everyone could see just by looking at me that made people want
by looking at me that made people want
by looking at me that made people want to violate and hurt me when we talk
to violate and hurt me when we talk
to violate and hurt me when we talk about negative body image we are not
about negative body image we are not
about negative body image we are not just talking about bodies we are talking
just talking about bodies we are talking
just talking about bodies we are talking about our histories both cultural and
about our histories both cultural and
about our histories both cultural and personal of shame and fear we’re talking
personal of shame and fear we’re talking
personal of shame and fear we’re talking about the sense that we have to
about the sense that we have to
about the sense that we have to constantly hide and protect ourselves
constantly hide and protect ourselves
constantly hide and protect ourselves and we’re talking about the belief that
and we’re talking about the belief that
and we’re talking about the belief that deep down there is something wrong with
deep down there is something wrong with
deep down there is something wrong with us something dark or bad or
us something dark or bad or
us something dark or bad or fundamentally broken I want to tell you
fundamentally broken I want to tell you
fundamentally broken I want to tell you a little story if you poke in amoeba
a little story if you poke in amoeba
a little story if you poke in amoeba once it contracts to defend itself
once it contracts to defend itself
once it contracts to defend itself but then after a little while it relaxes
but then after a little while it relaxes
but then after a little while it relaxes and it returns to its original expansive
and it returns to its original expansive
and it returns to its original expansive state if you poke it a few more times it
state if you poke it a few more times it
state if you poke it a few more times it stops returning to its original
stops returning to its original
stops returning to its original expansive state and it takes longer and
expansive state and it takes longer and
expansive state and it takes longer and longer for it to relax at all if you
longer for it to relax at all if you
longer for it to relax at all if you keep poking into me but eventually it
keep poking into me but eventually it
keep poking into me but eventually it loses trust in its environment it feels
loses trust in its environment it feels
loses trust in its environment it feels unsafe and it shrivels up and it dies
unsafe and it shrivels up and it dies
unsafe and it shrivels up and it dies the reason I’m telling you this is
the reason I’m telling you this is
the reason I’m telling you this is because we are all exactly like the
because we are all exactly like the
because we are all exactly like the amoeba when we experience pain and fear
amoeba when we experience pain and fear
amoeba when we experience pain and fear we contract both physically and
we contract both physically and
we contract both physically and emotionally when something pokes us when
emotionally when something pokes us when
emotionally when something pokes us when something makes us feel unsafe we shrink
something makes us feel unsafe we shrink
something makes us feel unsafe we shrink and we hide and we wait until it’s safe
and we hide and we wait until it’s safe
and we hide and we wait until it’s safe to come out plus since we’re so much
to come out plus since we’re so much
to come out plus since we’re so much more complex than the amoeba we have the
more complex than the amoeba we have the
more complex than the amoeba we have the added bonus of getting able being able
added bonus of getting able being able
added bonus of getting able being able to blame ourselves for getting poked in
to blame ourselves for getting poked in
to blame ourselves for getting poked in the first place so I believe that girls
the first place so I believe that girls
the first place so I believe that girls and women in our culture due to the many
and women in our culture due to the many
and women in our culture due to the many many ways in which we feel unsafe just
many ways in which we feel unsafe just
many ways in which we feel unsafe just being here in our bodies after a certain
being here in our bodies after a certain
being here in our bodies after a certain point
point
point most of us lose trust in our environment
most of us lose trust in our environment
most of us lose trust in our environment and my environment I mean both the world
and my environment I mean both the world
and my environment I mean both the world at large and our own bodies and when
at large and our own bodies and when
at large and our own bodies and when this happens we spend all our time on
this happens we spend all our time on
this happens we spend all our time on the defensive we spend all our energy
the defensive we spend all our energy
the defensive we spend all our energy shrinking and hiding and trying not to
shrinking and hiding and trying not to
shrinking and hiding and trying not to get poked and the things that make us
get poked and the things that make us
get poked and the things that make us feel unsafe it’s not all about trauma
feel unsafe it’s not all about trauma
feel unsafe it’s not all about trauma and violence in fact one of the biggest
and violence in fact one of the biggest
and violence in fact one of the biggest ways that I think women and girls in our
ways that I think women and girls in our
ways that I think women and girls in our culture feel unsafe is based on this
culture feel unsafe is based on this
culture feel unsafe is based on this idea that there’s an expectation for
idea that there’s an expectation for
idea that there’s an expectation for girls and women to earn our sense of
girls and women to earn our sense of
girls and women to earn our sense of love and worthiness and belonging from
love and worthiness and belonging from
love and worthiness and belonging from the time that we are little girls we are
the time that we are little girls we are
the time that we are little girls we are fed the programming that other people’s
fed the programming that other people’s
fed the programming that other people’s experiences of us is not only more
experiences of us is not only more
experiences of us is not only more important than our own experiences of
important than our own experiences of
important than our own experiences of ourselves but it’s also our
ourselves but it’s also our
ourselves but it’s also our responsibility the two most important
responsibility the two most important
responsibility the two most important things that a little girl can be called
things that a little girl can be called
things that a little girl can be called is pretty and nice and you’ll notice
is pretty and nice and you’ll notice
is pretty and nice and you’ll notice that neither of those two things
that neither of those two things
that neither of those two things actually has anything to do with the
actually has anything to do with the
actually has anything to do with the little girl herself
little girl herself
little girl herself being pretty is about being looked at
being pretty is about being looked at
being pretty is about being looked at and being nice is about making people
and being nice is about making people
and being nice is about making people feel good the highest praise that we can
feel good the highest praise that we can
feel good the highest praise that we can get as a little girl is is that we have
get as a little girl is is that we have
get as a little girl is is that we have given somebody else a positive
given somebody else a positive
given somebody else a positive experience and that messaging it grows
experience and that messaging it grows
experience and that messaging it grows up with us and it gets more complex as
up with us and it gets more complex as
up with us and it gets more complex as we become adults but the premise is
we become adults but the premise is
we become adults but the premise is still the same that in order to be
still the same that in order to be
still the same that in order to be worthy of praise and approval and love
worthy of praise and approval and love
worthy of praise and approval and love that we have to both look the right way
that we have to both look the right way
that we have to both look the right way and make other people feel good but
and make other people feel good but
and make other people feel good but looking the right way is really tricky
looking the right way is really tricky
looking the right way is really tricky because we live in a world with
because we live in a world with
because we live in a world with endlessly conflicting beauty standards
endlessly conflicting beauty standards
endlessly conflicting beauty standards you have to be sexy but you can’t be
you have to be sexy but you can’t be
you have to be sexy but you can’t be sexual because that’s threatening and
sexual because that’s threatening and
sexual because that’s threatening and inappropriate I mean you want to look
inappropriate I mean you want to look
inappropriate I mean you want to look hot but I’m still kind of virginal and
hot but I’m still kind of virginal and
hot but I’m still kind of virginal and innocent and you definitely have to be
innocent and you definitely have to be
innocent and you definitely have to be skinny and youthful but still with huge
skinny and youthful but still with huge
skinny and youthful but still with huge knockers Kardashian lips and a squat
knockers Kardashian lips and a squat
knockers Kardashian lips and a squat booty and all this has to be done
booty and all this has to be done
booty and all this has to be done without ever inconveniencing anyone with
without ever inconveniencing anyone with
without ever inconveniencing anyone with the knowledge that looking this way
the knowledge that looking this way
the knowledge that looking this way takes work our bodies and our
takes work our bodies and our
takes work our bodies and our appearances determine how we come across
appearances determine how we come across
appearances determine how we come across to a world that feels entitled to a
to a world that feels entitled to a
to a world that feels entitled to a positive experience of us a world that
positive experience of us a world that
positive experience of us a world that feels entitled to judge us and comment
feels entitled to judge us and comment
feels entitled to judge us and comment on us and tell us what to do if you’re
on us and tell us what to do if you’re
on us and tell us what to do if you’re skinny you’re gonna be told you need to
skinny you’re gonna be told you need to
skinny you’re gonna be told you need to eat a cheeseburger and relax if you’re
eat a cheeseburger and relax if you’re
eat a cheeseburger and relax if you’re fat well that’s disgusting you need to
fat well that’s disgusting you need to
fat well that’s disgusting you need to cover up if you’re too soft everyone
cover up if you’re too soft everyone
cover up if you’re too soft everyone will tell you to go to the gym and tone
will tell you to go to the gym and tone
will tell you to go to the gym and tone those triceps but if you’re muscular now
those triceps but if you’re muscular now
those triceps but if you’re muscular now you’re scary and masculine the message
you’re scary and masculine the message
you’re scary and masculine the message that we grow up with is that other
that we grow up with is that other
that we grow up with is that other people have both the ability and the
people have both the ability and the
people have both the ability and the right to determine whether we’re good or
right to determine whether we’re good or
right to determine whether we’re good or bad whether we’re valuable whether we’re
bad whether we’re valuable whether we’re
bad whether we’re valuable whether we’re lovable whether we’re worthy and how we
lovable whether we’re worthy and how we
lovable whether we’re worthy and how we deserve to be treated all based just on
deserve to be treated all based just on
deserve to be treated all based just on looking at us and since we live in this
looking at us and since we live in this
looking at us and since we live in this environment in which there are so many
environment in which there are so many
environment in which there are so many ways to mess that up that means that no
ways to mess that up that means that no
ways to mess that up that means that no matter who we are no matter what we do
matter who we are no matter what we do
matter who we are no matter what we do no matter what we look like we are
no matter what we look like we are
no matter what we look like we are constantly getting poked and that is why
constantly getting poked and that is why
constantly getting poked and that is why it is so important to learn how to love
it is so important to learn how to love
it is so important to learn how to love your own body it’s about reclaiming your
your own body it’s about reclaiming your
your own body it’s about reclaiming your autonomy and your self-worth from a
autonomy and your self-worth from a
autonomy and your self-worth from a world that is always going to
world that is always going to
world that is always going to passionately disagree about how you
passionately disagree about how you
passionately disagree about how you should look
should look
should look it’s about deciding that your experience
it’s about deciding that your experience
it’s about deciding that your experience of yourself is more important than
of yourself is more important than
of yourself is more important than anyone elses experience of you we have
anyone elses experience of you we have
anyone elses experience of you we have been seeing some recent push back and
been seeing some recent push back and
been seeing some recent push back and because of how bad the negative body
because of how bad the negative body
because of how bad the negative body image epidemic has become among girls
image epidemic has become among girls
image epidemic has become among girls and women in our culture we’ve been
and women in our culture we’ve been
and women in our culture we’ve been seeing some pushback against that
seeing some pushback against that
seeing some pushback against that negative judgment and hate most of that
negative judgment and hate most of that
negative judgment and hate most of that pushback comes in the form of body
pushback comes in the form of body
pushback comes in the form of body positive messages like love your curves
positive messages like love your curves
positive messages like love your curves and embrace your imperfections and I’m
and embrace your imperfections and I’m
and embrace your imperfections and I’m grateful for these messages and for this
grateful for these messages and for this
grateful for these messages and for this pushback because I think it’s a step in
pushback because I think it’s a step in
pushback because I think it’s a step in the right direction even if it is just
the right direction even if it is just
the right direction even if it is just one more person telling you how you
one more person telling you how you
one more person telling you how you should feel about your body I’m grateful
should feel about your body I’m grateful
should feel about your body I’m grateful for it but but the thing is it just it
for it but but the thing is it just it
for it but but the thing is it just it doesn’t work anyone who’s ever lost
doesn’t work anyone who’s ever lost
doesn’t work anyone who’s ever lost weight using willpower or or transformed
weight using willpower or or transformed
weight using willpower or or transformed her body using grit can tell you that
her body using grit can tell you that
her body using grit can tell you that there’s always more you can hate there
there’s always more you can hate there
there’s always more you can hate there is always some new imperfection that can
is always some new imperfection that can
is always some new imperfection that can make you miserable and that’s because
make you miserable and that’s because
make you miserable and that’s because it’s not really about your body that
it’s not really about your body that
it’s not really about your body that hate is misplaced the things we really
hate is misplaced the things we really
hate is misplaced the things we really hate are so much bigger and more
hate are so much bigger and more
hate are so much bigger and more powerful we hate feeling living in fear
powerful we hate feeling living in fear
powerful we hate feeling living in fear that our our boundaries will be violated
that our our boundaries will be violated
that our our boundaries will be violated and our our bodies will be violated our
and our our bodies will be violated our
and our our bodies will be violated our boundaries will be ignored we hate that
boundaries will be ignored we hate that
boundaries will be ignored we hate that a given structure of our lives as other
a given structure of our lives as other
a given structure of our lives as other people telling us that their experience
people telling us that their experience
people telling us that their experience of us is both more important and more
of us is both more important and more
of us is both more important and more true than our own you want this you like
true than our own you want this you like
true than our own you want this you like that you’re overreacting you’re being
that you’re overreacting you’re being
that you’re overreacting you’re being too sensitive am i though am I being too
too sensitive am i though am I being too
too sensitive am i though am I being too sensitive to the fact that so many
sensitive to the fact that so many
sensitive to the fact that so many people seem to consider my boundaries
people seem to consider my boundaries
people seem to consider my boundaries and my rights
and my rights
and my rights optional am I being too sensitive to the
optional am I being too sensitive to the
optional am I being too sensitive to the fact that I could pretty much be
fact that I could pretty much be
fact that I could pretty much be physically overpowered by about half the
physically overpowered by about half the
physically overpowered by about half the population at any given moment
population at any given moment
population at any given moment I mean I’m I’m not saying that
I mean I’m I’m not saying that
I mean I’m I’m not saying that everything comes down to physical
everything comes down to physical
everything comes down to physical violence and a saw
violence and a saw
violence and a saw but the knowledge of who would win if it
but the knowledge of who would win if it
but the knowledge of who would win if it did as a girl or a woman that knowledge
did as a girl or a woman that knowledge
did as a girl or a woman that knowledge is always there and that’s actually one
is always there and that’s actually one
is always there and that’s actually one of the reasons that it’s so empowering
of the reasons that it’s so empowering
of the reasons that it’s so empowering for a lot of women to focus on lifting
for a lot of women to focus on lifting
for a lot of women to focus on lifting weights and getting physically strong
weights and getting physically strong
weights and getting physically strong not feeling vulnerable not feeling
not feeling vulnerable not feeling
not feeling vulnerable not feeling breakable this is a huge part of the
breakable this is a huge part of the
breakable this is a huge part of the healing process for a lot of us it
healing process for a lot of us it
healing process for a lot of us it definitely was for me in fact I even
definitely was for me in fact I even
definitely was for me in fact I even became kind of obsessed with both
became kind of obsessed with both
became kind of obsessed with both getting and looking physically strong
getting and looking physically strong
getting and looking physically strong the same way a lot of women become
the same way a lot of women become
the same way a lot of women become obsessed with getting skinny it was my
obsessed with getting skinny it was my
obsessed with getting skinny it was my way of protecting myself it was my way
way of protecting myself it was my way
way of protecting myself it was my way of saying to the world of broadcasting
of saying to the world of broadcasting
of saying to the world of broadcasting that I am NOT weak and that I am NOT the
that I am NOT weak and that I am NOT the
that I am NOT weak and that I am NOT the kind of girl you violate the problem it
kind of girl you violate the problem it
kind of girl you violate the problem it isn’t with our bodies the problem is
isn’t with our bodies the problem is
isn’t with our bodies the problem is with the stories we believe about
with the stories we believe about
with the stories we believe about ourselves that we think our bodies are
ourselves that we think our bodies are
ourselves that we think our bodies are broadcasting to the world we blame our
broadcasting to the world we blame our
broadcasting to the world we blame our belly rolls for exposing the fact that
belly rolls for exposing the fact that
belly rolls for exposing the fact that we’re secretly bad girls with insatiable
we’re secretly bad girls with insatiable
we’re secretly bad girls with insatiable appetites and we blame our selling
appetites and we blame our selling
appetites and we blame our selling printer fect and unlovable we blame our
printer fect and unlovable we blame our
printer fect and unlovable we blame our bodies for betraying our deepest and
bodies for betraying our deepest and
bodies for betraying our deepest and darkest secrets to the world and
darkest secrets to the world and
darkest secrets to the world and unfortunately we live in a world that
unfortunately we live in a world that
unfortunately we live in a world that actually supports that idea a world that
actually supports that idea a world that
actually supports that idea a world that is willing to debate whether or not she
is willing to debate whether or not she
is willing to debate whether or not she might have been secretly asking for it
might have been secretly asking for it
might have been secretly asking for it when she was unconscious imagine you
when she was unconscious imagine you
when she was unconscious imagine you lived with someone and this person was
lived with someone and this person was
lived with someone and this person was always getting you into dangerous
always getting you into dangerous
always getting you into dangerous situations and making you feel unsafe
situations and making you feel unsafe
situations and making you feel unsafe and costing you the love and approval of
and costing you the love and approval of
and costing you the love and approval of everyone how would you feel about that
everyone how would you feel about that
everyone how would you feel about that person I’m guessing probably not very
person I’m guessing probably not very
person I’m guessing probably not very friendly and in fact I might dare say
friendly and in fact I might dare say
friendly and in fact I might dare say that you would see that person more as
that you would see that person more as
that you would see that person more as your enemy and that that is how we feel
your enemy and that that is how we feel
your enemy and that that is how we feel about our bodies that is why we hate
about our bodies that is why we hate
about our bodies that is why we hate them and that is why it doesn’t work to
them and that is why it doesn’t work to
them and that is why it doesn’t work to just suddenly decide one day to start
just suddenly decide one day to start
just suddenly decide one day to start loving your curves but the thing is the
loving your curves but the thing is the
loving your curves but the thing is the stories we believe our bodies are
stories we believe our bodies are
stories we believe our bodies are broadcasting it’s not true
broadcasting it’s not true
broadcasting it’s not true the only thing our bodies are
the only thing our bodies are
the only thing our bodies are really broadcasting is that we feel
really broadcasting is that we feel
really broadcasting is that we feel unsafe in our own skin
now the the ways in which each of us
now the the ways in which each of us deals with feeling unsafe in our own
deals with feeling unsafe in our own
deals with feeling unsafe in our own skin
skin
skin it varies dramatically from person to
it varies dramatically from person to
it varies dramatically from person to person and it’s mostly unconscious but
person and it’s mostly unconscious but
person and it’s mostly unconscious but we all do it for one person that might
we all do it for one person that might
we all do it for one person that might mean losing enough weight becoming
mean losing enough weight becoming
mean losing enough weight becoming obsessed with getting smaller and being
obsessed with getting smaller and being
obsessed with getting smaller and being a smaller target of attack and maybe
a smaller target of attack and maybe
a smaller target of attack and maybe becoming invisible or even literally
becoming invisible or even literally
becoming invisible or even literally disappearing for someone else it might
disappearing for someone else it might
disappearing for someone else it might be gaining enough weight that she
be gaining enough weight that she
be gaining enough weight that she doesn’t have to deal with the same kind
doesn’t have to deal with the same kind
doesn’t have to deal with the same kind of unwanted attention and for someone
of unwanted attention and for someone
of unwanted attention and for someone else it might be fixating on how to fix
else it might be fixating on how to fix
else it might be fixating on how to fix every single flaw in order to finally
every single flaw in order to finally
every single flaw in order to finally look perfect and hopefully deserved
look perfect and hopefully deserved
look perfect and hopefully deserved someone’s love and approval we all do it
someone’s love and approval we all do it
someone’s love and approval we all do it my personal brand of armor my way of
my personal brand of armor my way of
my personal brand of armor my way of feeling safer in my skin was about
feeling safer in my skin was about
feeling safer in my skin was about physical strength and toughness after my
physical strength and toughness after my
physical strength and toughness after my emotionally abusive relationship
emotionally abusive relationship
emotionally abusive relationship experience I started defending my
experience I started defending my
experience I started defending my boundaries with fire I like to think
boundaries with fire I like to think
boundaries with fire I like to think that some primordial part of my brain
that some primordial part of my brain
that some primordial part of my brain knew that if I was going to avoid
knew that if I was going to avoid
knew that if I was going to avoid shriveling up and dying like an amoeba
shriveling up and dying like an amoeba
shriveling up and dying like an amoeba who’d been poked too many times that I
who’d been poked too many times that I
who’d been poked too many times that I was going to have to get angry so angry
was going to have to get angry so angry
was going to have to get angry so angry I got and I took that anger and I went
I got and I took that anger and I went
I got and I took that anger and I went to the gym because I was personal
to the gym because I was personal
to the gym because I was personal trainer and I built a body that was a
trainer and I built a body that was a
trainer and I built a body that was a body that both looked and felt like it
body that both looked and felt like it
body that both looked and felt like it could kick your ass and I was really
could kick your ass and I was really
could kick your ass and I was really proud of that
proud of that
proud of that unfortunately building a body out of
unfortunately building a body out of
unfortunately building a body out of anger is not a super sustainable
anger is not a super sustainable
anger is not a super sustainable training method and I ended up getting
training method and I ended up getting
training method and I ended up getting pretty hurt I her knee ated some discs
pretty hurt I her knee ated some discs
pretty hurt I her knee ated some discs in my spine and I had to spend the next
in my spine and I had to spend the next
in my spine and I had to spend the next couple of years trying to get out of
couple of years trying to get out of
couple of years trying to get out of pain and heal my body through rehab and
pain and heal my body through rehab and
pain and heal my body through rehab and bodywork and during that period of my
bodywork and during that period of my
bodywork and during that period of my life I was just overwhelmed with the
life I was just overwhelmed with the
life I was just overwhelmed with the thought of like why is my body so mad at
thought of like why is my body so mad at
thought of like why is my body so mad at me like I was young and healthy
me like I was young and healthy
me like I was young and healthy technically but everything hurt all the
technically but everything hurt all the
technically but everything hurt all the time and I just I felt tight and tense
time and I just I felt tight and tense
time and I just I felt tight and tense and bound up and rigid and it just seems
and bound up and rigid and it just seems
and bound up and rigid and it just seems like everything
like everything
like everything falling apart but that injury was the
falling apart but that injury was the
falling apart but that injury was the best thing that ever happened to me
best thing that ever happened to me
best thing that ever happened to me because in the healing of it I came up
because in the healing of it I came up
because in the healing of it I came up against this deep old well of shame and
against this deep old well of shame and
against this deep old well of shame and fear that needed to be dealt with one
fear that needed to be dealt with one
fear that needed to be dealt with one day in particular my my body worker was
day in particular my my body worker was
day in particular my my body worker was kind of digging into a muscle somewhere
kind of digging into a muscle somewhere
kind of digging into a muscle somewhere in my groin and it hurts so much and I
in my groin and it hurts so much and I
in my groin and it hurts so much and I was sort of trying to distract myself so
was sort of trying to distract myself so
was sort of trying to distract myself so I said casually like wow it’s so weird
I said casually like wow it’s so weird
I said casually like wow it’s so weird that it’s really tight down there and he
that it’s really tight down there and he
that it’s really tight down there and he looked up at me and he just said in a
looked up at me and he just said in a
looked up at me and he just said in a gentle voice really you can’t think of
gentle voice really you can’t think of
gentle voice really you can’t think of any reason this area of your body would
any reason this area of your body would
any reason this area of your body would have to work overtime to protect you and
have to work overtime to protect you and
have to work overtime to protect you and all the sudden it just came rushing back
all the sudden it just came rushing back
all the sudden it just came rushing back the the assaults the manipulation
the the assaults the manipulation
the the assaults the manipulation disbelief that there was something about
disbelief that there was something about
disbelief that there was something about me that encouraged people to violate and
me that encouraged people to violate and
me that encouraged people to violate and hurt me and I I just suddenly clearly
hurt me and I I just suddenly clearly
hurt me and I I just suddenly clearly saw that I had been wronged it wasn’t me
saw that I had been wronged it wasn’t me
saw that I had been wronged it wasn’t me versus my body we were on the same team
versus my body we were on the same team
versus my body we were on the same team my body all this time had been
my body all this time had been
my body all this time had been protecting me from a story that I
protecting me from a story that I
protecting me from a story that I believed about myself and that was the
believed about myself and that was the
believed about myself and that was the first moment of a really long journey
first moment of a really long journey
first moment of a really long journey for me to return to my original
for me to return to my original
for me to return to my original expansive state and it was also the very
expansive state and it was also the very
expansive state and it was also the very first moment that I ever really truly
first moment that I ever really truly
first moment that I ever really truly loved my body and I don’t mean love like
loved my body and I don’t mean love like
loved my body and I don’t mean love like well now everything’s perfect I mean
well now everything’s perfect I mean
well now everything’s perfect I mean love like love like unconditional trust
love like love like unconditional trust
love like love like unconditional trust and support and this understanding
and support and this understanding
and support and this understanding everything that I ever thought was a
everything that I ever thought was a
everything that I ever thought was a flaw or was a problem was actually a
flaw or was a problem was actually a
flaw or was a problem was actually a blessing and a gift if you want to
blessing and a gift if you want to
blessing and a gift if you want to achieve a positive body image you you
achieve a positive body image you you
achieve a positive body image you you can’t get it by just changing your body
can’t get it by just changing your body
can’t get it by just changing your body and you can’t get it by just deciding
and you can’t get it by just deciding
and you can’t get it by just deciding one day to love your curves you have to
one day to love your curves you have to
one day to love your curves you have to heal your personal relationship to
heal your personal relationship to
heal your personal relationship to feeling unsafe
feeling unsafe
feeling unsafe you have to shine a light at the deepest
you have to shine a light at the deepest
you have to shine a light at the deepest darkest stories that you believe about
darkest stories that you believe about
darkest stories that you believe about yourself and expose shame for the
yourself and expose shame for the
yourself and expose shame for the imposter that it is you have to find
imposter that it is you have to find
imposter that it is you have to find trust and forgiveness and you have to
trust and forgiveness and you have to
trust and forgiveness and you have to recognize that your body has always been
recognize that your body has always been
recognize that your body has always been fighting for you and not against you
fighting for you and not against you
fighting for you and not against you when you do that then and only then do
when you do that then and only then do
when you do that then and only then do you have the option to truly love your
you have the option to truly love your
you have the option to truly love your body
”
Be First to Comment