Being Purple in a World of Reds and Blues | Jorrel Javier | TEDxTexasStateUniversity

I write about things I don’t fully

I write about things I don’t fully comprehend life love boys who don’t

comprehend life love boys who don’t

comprehend life love boys who don’t reciprocate my affection even though I’m

reciprocate my affection even though I’m

reciprocate my affection even though I’m the most amazing human I know I wish

the most amazing human I know I wish

the most amazing human I know I wish that was a joke as a spoken word poet I

that was a joke as a spoken word poet I

that was a joke as a spoken word poet I tell stories using rhythm language and

tell stories using rhythm language and

tell stories using rhythm language and wordplay to attempt and articulate this

wordplay to attempt and articulate this

wordplay to attempt and articulate this Bissonnette symphony that I feel inside

Bissonnette symphony that I feel inside

Bissonnette symphony that I feel inside sometimes it works and it is magical

sometimes it works and it is magical

sometimes it works and it is magical sometimes it doesn’t and well that’s

sometimes it doesn’t and well that’s

sometimes it doesn’t and well that’s okay too

okay too

okay too you know that guy in the coffee shop who

you know that guy in the coffee shop who

you know that guy in the coffee shop who sits in the corner and like looks out

sits in the corner and like looks out

sits in the corner and like looks out the window with a slightly perplexed

the window with a slightly perplexed

the window with a slightly perplexed look on his face like this that’s me

look on his face like this that’s me

look on his face like this that’s me I use my metaphors as a shield my

I use my metaphors as a shield my

I use my metaphors as a shield my imagery is male and my rhythm as

imagery is male and my rhythm as

imagery is male and my rhythm as Warpaint because with my pen as my sword

Warpaint because with my pen as my sword

Warpaint because with my pen as my sword tucked away in my pocket it was the only

tucked away in my pocket it was the only

tucked away in my pocket it was the only way that I could ever go into battle and

way that I could ever go into battle and

way that I could ever go into battle and for a while my life was a war zone what

for a while my life was a war zone what

for a while my life was a war zone what my notepad however was my dad see the

my notepad however was my dad see the

my notepad however was my dad see the page is saved with the sentiments that

page is saved with the sentiments that

page is saved with the sentiments that my intellect failed to connect to my

my intellect failed to connect to my

my intellect failed to connect to my mouth where my fingers would scribble

mouth where my fingers would scribble

mouth where my fingers would scribble letters that made words and words the

letters that made words and words the

letters that made words and words the conjured sentences until the pale blue

conjured sentences until the pale blue

conjured sentences until the pale blue lines on the pages of my storage unit

lines on the pages of my storage unit

lines on the pages of my storage unit flowed with the rivulet of my brain and

flowed with the rivulet of my brain and

flowed with the rivulet of my brain and let me feel like I was not alone it gave

let me feel like I was not alone it gave

let me feel like I was not alone it gave me permission to be anything I wanted to

me permission to be anything I wanted to

me permission to be anything I wanted to be see the paper can take no judgment it

be see the paper can take no judgment it

be see the paper can take no judgment it was simply a blank canvas where I could

was simply a blank canvas where I could

was simply a blank canvas where I could either choose to write on the lines or

either choose to write on the lines or

either choose to write on the lines or doodle on the sides it invited me in

doodle on the sides it invited me in

doodle on the sides it invited me in giving me a comfort that could only be

giving me a comfort that could only be

giving me a comfort that could only be bested by my mother’s embrace it

bested by my mother’s embrace it

bested by my mother’s embrace it accepted me even when I couldn’t accept

accepted me even when I couldn’t accept

accepted me even when I couldn’t accept myself see from a young age I was never

myself see from a young age I was never

myself see from a young age I was never really your cookie cutter kind of guy I

really your cookie cutter kind of guy I

really your cookie cutter kind of guy I was more the hand shaped slightly

was more the hand shaped slightly

was more the hand shaped slightly crooked plopped on the pan and let’s

crooked plopped on the pan and let’s

crooked plopped on the pan and let’s hope for the best kind of cookie you

hope for the best kind of cookie you

hope for the best kind of cookie you know if I were a finger I’d be a thumb

know if I were a finger I’d be a thumb

know if I were a finger I’d be a thumb because I’m slightly different than the

because I’m slightly different than the

because I’m slightly different than the rest

rest

rest if I were underwear I’d be a thong

if I were underwear I’d be a thong

if I were underwear I’d be a thong stylish controversial and I’m great at

stylish controversial and I’m great at

stylish controversial and I’m great at making an ass of myself

making an ass of myself

making an ass of myself and if roses were red and violets were

and if roses were red and violets were

and if roses were red and violets were blue well I was always somewhere in the

blue well I was always somewhere in the

blue well I was always somewhere in the middle like when I was four I asked my

middle like when I was four I asked my

middle like when I was four I asked my neighbor to pour glitter on my hair

neighbor to pour glitter on my hair

neighbor to pour glitter on my hair because I thought it looked pretty

because I thought it looked pretty

because I thought it looked pretty I skipped as I was in a meadow of

I skipped as I was in a meadow of

I skipped as I was in a meadow of flowers each glimmering strand of hair

flowers each glimmering strand of hair

flowers each glimmering strand of hair shimmering in the sunlight

shimmering in the sunlight

shimmering in the sunlight worthy of a serenade by Pocahontas I

worthy of a serenade by Pocahontas I

worthy of a serenade by Pocahontas I came home and I donned my shimmery new

came home and I donned my shimmery new

came home and I donned my shimmery new do and I was met with a heavy shampooing

do and I was met with a heavy shampooing

do and I was met with a heavy shampooing accompanied by a stern voice that I

accompanied by a stern voice that I

accompanied by a stern voice that I would grow to know too well you know

would grow to know too well you know

would grow to know too well you know you’re a boy boys don’t do this the

you’re a boy boys don’t do this the

you’re a boy boys don’t do this the first time I scraped my knee I cried

first time I scraped my knee I cried

first time I scraped my knee I cried bloody murder and my grandmother poured

bloody murder and my grandmother poured

bloody murder and my grandmother poured alcohol on it i sat with the face only a

alcohol on it i sat with the face only a

alcohol on it i sat with the face only a mother could love breathing so sporadic

mother could love breathing so sporadic

mother could love breathing so sporadic the talking was problematic solving like

the talking was problematic solving like

the talking was problematic solving like a fish out of water and my bottom lip

a fish out of water and my bottom lip

a fish out of water and my bottom lip quivered like the Quickie needle of a

quivered like the Quickie needle of a

quivered like the Quickie needle of a seismograph it’s okay don’t cry boys

seismograph it’s okay don’t cry boys

seismograph it’s okay don’t cry boys don’t cry when I was six my dad tried to

don’t cry when I was six my dad tried to

don’t cry when I was six my dad tried to teach me how to hammer a nail

teach me how to hammer a nail

teach me how to hammer a nail that was interesting he he sat patiently

that was interesting he he sat patiently

that was interesting he he sat patiently as I tried for the fifth time to hammer

as I tried for the fifth time to hammer

as I tried for the fifth time to hammer in a nail straight and I failed

in a nail straight and I failed

in a nail straight and I failed miserably and he said well you have to

miserably and he said well you have to

miserably and he said well you have to learn what kind of man doesn’t know how

learn what kind of man doesn’t know how

learn what kind of man doesn’t know how to hammer a nail now my father never

to hammer a nail now my father never

to hammer a nail now my father never yelled at me in fact he was the exact

yelled at me in fact he was the exact

yelled at me in fact he was the exact opposite he was and is incredibly

opposite he was and is incredibly

opposite he was and is incredibly supportive of everything that I do but I

supportive of everything that I do but I

supportive of everything that I do but I almost wish that he did I almost wish

almost wish that he did I almost wish

almost wish that he did I almost wish that he outwardly yelled and blatantly

that he outwardly yelled and blatantly

that he outwardly yelled and blatantly disapproved because the complacency and

disapproved because the complacency and

disapproved because the complacency and his comments made it seem like there was

his comments made it seem like there was

his comments made it seem like there was something about these expectations that

something about these expectations that

something about these expectations that was supposed to come naturally to me

was supposed to come naturally to me

was supposed to come naturally to me that there was something that I wasn’t

that there was something that I wasn’t

that there was something that I wasn’t getting right and as tears slowly

getting right and as tears slowly

getting right and as tears slowly streamed down my face I held my breath

streamed down my face I held my breath

streamed down my face I held my breath so my dad wouldn’t hear and I wondered

so my dad wouldn’t hear and I wondered

so my dad wouldn’t hear and I wondered if I could ever be the man that my dad

if I could ever be the man that my dad

if I could ever be the man that my dad expected me to be you know why is your

expected me to be you know why is your

expected me to be you know why is your hair like that why is your shirt pink

hair like that why is your shirt pink

hair like that why is your shirt pink why were you so girly in that show I

why were you so girly in that show I

why were you so girly in that show I played his comments like a broken record

played his comments like a broken record

played his comments like a broken record in the back of my mind his words

in the back of my mind his words

in the back of my mind his words lingered like the aftermath of a bonfire

lingered like the aftermath of a bonfire

lingered like the aftermath of a bonfire I wore his seemingly

I wore his seemingly

I wore his seemingly innocent sentiments like a suffocating

innocent sentiments like a suffocating

innocent sentiments like a suffocating sweater for the better for the better

sweater for the better for the better

sweater for the better for the better part of 18 years and every day I would

part of 18 years and every day I would

part of 18 years and every day I would climb a pill carrying this immensely

climb a pill carrying this immensely

climb a pill carrying this immensely disheartening Boulder that turns

disheartening Boulder that turns

disheartening Boulder that turns motivation to mud determination to dirt

motivation to mud determination to dirt

motivation to mud determination to dirt and will to dust my stomach became

and will to dust my stomach became

and will to dust my stomach became accustomed to that gnawing feeling of

accustomed to that gnawing feeling of

accustomed to that gnawing feeling of being the son that never lived up to his

being the son that never lived up to his

being the son that never lived up to his old man’s manly expectations and I I

old man’s manly expectations and I I

old man’s manly expectations and I I thought I was gonna go insane I started

thought I was gonna go insane I started

thought I was gonna go insane I started to believe that maybe I wasn’t this

to believe that maybe I wasn’t this

to believe that maybe I wasn’t this grace that maybe I don’t deserve love

grace that maybe I don’t deserve love

grace that maybe I don’t deserve love that maybe nothing I do will ever be

that maybe nothing I do will ever be

that maybe nothing I do will ever be good enough because I like dick instead

good enough because I like dick instead

good enough because I like dick instead of Jane and so I would write I would

of Jane and so I would write I would

of Jane and so I would write I would write I would retreat to the dam that

write I would retreat to the dam that

write I would retreat to the dam that made me feel safe that made me feel

made me feel safe that made me feel

made me feel safe that made me feel saying that again I would write words

saying that again I would write words

saying that again I would write words about the tumultuous ambivalence I felt

about the tumultuous ambivalence I felt

about the tumultuous ambivalence I felt on a daily basis poems about heartache

on a daily basis poems about heartache

on a daily basis poems about heartache and unfulfilled expectations lines and

and unfulfilled expectations lines and

and unfulfilled expectations lines and stanzas riddled with doubt its revolving

stanzas riddled with doubt its revolving

stanzas riddled with doubt its revolving with metaphors that only partially

with metaphors that only partially

with metaphors that only partially described how I felt

described how I felt

described how I felt similes that never could quite

similes that never could quite

similes that never could quite articulate how much disappointment I had

articulate how much disappointment I had

articulate how much disappointment I had felt in myself y’all for so long I tried

felt in myself y’all for so long I tried

felt in myself y’all for so long I tried to wash away all the glitter I did I

to wash away all the glitter I did I

to wash away all the glitter I did I tried

tried

but you know luckily luckily some stuck

but you know luckily luckily some stuck around and multiplied because I grew to

around and multiplied because I grew to

around and multiplied because I grew to realize that that which makes you

realize that that which makes you

realize that that which makes you Sparkle and that which makes you

Sparkle and that which makes you

Sparkle and that which makes you different is why you are you

different is why you are you

different is why you are you you know if roses were red and violets

you know if roses were red and violets

you know if roses were red and violets were blue me I preferred purple taking a

were blue me I preferred purple taking a

were blue me I preferred purple taking a little bit from both sides I would match

little bit from both sides I would match

little bit from both sides I would match the two to create this beautiful hue

the two to create this beautiful hue

the two to create this beautiful hue that for so long was a symbol of royalty

that for so long was a symbol of royalty

that for so long was a symbol of royalty I’ve always lived in the purple and

I’ve always lived in the purple and

I’ve always lived in the purple and through my poetry the entire world

through my poetry the entire world

through my poetry the entire world became purple you know the words that I

became purple you know the words that I

became purple you know the words that I wrote contain no judgment it’s awe mean

wrote contain no judgment it’s awe mean

wrote contain no judgment it’s awe mean it’s nothing more than human and I could

it’s nothing more than human and I could

it’s nothing more than human and I could write I could compose lions about how

write I could compose lions about how

write I could compose lions about how much I wanted to take a boy’s hand and

much I wanted to take a boy’s hand and

much I wanted to take a boy’s hand and walk with him on the beach our wet toes

walk with him on the beach our wet toes

walk with him on the beach our wet toes treading the warm sand and we would kiss

treading the warm sand and we would kiss

treading the warm sand and we would kiss as the Sun went down as the vehicular

as the Sun went down as the vehicular

as the Sun went down as the vehicular urban city symphonies plays in the

urban city symphonies plays in the

urban city symphonies plays in the background I would write about how with

background I would write about how with

background I would write about how with every pack of my blush and every bat of

every pack of my blush and every bat of

every pack of my blush and every bat of my eyelashes I took some of that power

my eyelashes I took some of that power

my eyelashes I took some of that power that those hurled insults took from me

that those hurled insults took from me

that those hurled insults took from me that I see vivaciousness and doing my

that I see vivaciousness and doing my

that I see vivaciousness and doing my eye shadow that I see power in applying

eye shadow that I see power in applying

eye shadow that I see power in applying my eyeliner because I get to decide

my eyeliner because I get to decide

my eyeliner because I get to decide whether I kept it straight or whether I

whether I kept it straight or whether I

whether I kept it straight or whether I blurt it out but the power was mine

blurt it out but the power was mine

blurt it out but the power was mine you know through my words I became

you know through my words I became

you know through my words I became impervious to theirs and now there’s not

impervious to theirs and now there’s not

impervious to theirs and now there’s not a single insult that my highlighter

a single insult that my highlighter

a single insult that my highlighter can’t deflect

can’t deflect

can’t deflect I even came to terms with my father

I even came to terms with my father

I even came to terms with my father through my writing no let me realize

through my writing no let me realize

through my writing no let me realize that his ignorance does not mean that he

that his ignorance does not mean that he

that his ignorance does not mean that he loves me any less but that he only grew

loves me any less but that he only grew

loves me any less but that he only grew up in a different time in a different

up in a different time in a different

up in a different time in a different place under a different set of values in

place under a different set of values in

place under a different set of values in that hey he’s not perfect but damn he’s

that hey he’s not perfect but damn he’s

that hey he’s not perfect but damn he’s trying his best I became comfortable

trying his best I became comfortable

trying his best I became comfortable living in this in-between gradient of

living in this in-between gradient of

living in this in-between gradient of where the line between the red and the

where the line between the red and the

where the line between the red and the blue just kind of mixes together that

blue just kind of mixes together that

blue just kind of mixes together that there’s so much power in that I would

there’s so much power in that I would

there’s so much power in that I would take a little bit of the red and a

take a little bit of the red and a

take a little bit of the red and a little bit of the blue and I wouldn’t

little bit of the blue and I wouldn’t

little bit of the blue and I wouldn’t mesh it together and I would blend until

mesh it together and I would blend until

mesh it together and I would blend until I stood in front of my mirror royalty a

I stood in front of my mirror royalty a

I stood in front of my mirror royalty a king a queen me you know my poetry

king a queen me you know my poetry

king a queen me you know my poetry contains every facet of me every part of

contains every facet of me every part of

contains every facet of me every part of me and it is through my poetry that I

me and it is through my poetry that I

me and it is through my poetry that I finally realized that it’s okay to just

finally realized that it’s okay to just

finally realized that it’s okay to just be so yeah I write about things I don’t

be so yeah I write about things I don’t

be so yeah I write about things I don’t really comprehend life love boys

roses being reds and violets being blue

roses being reds and violets being blue and the purple that I hope we can all

and the purple that I hope we can all

and the purple that I hope we can all learn how to embrace thank you