in abandoned building our house I don’t start photographing right away I stand
start photographing right away I stand
start photographing right away I stand there in the quiet amongst the broken
there in the quiet amongst the broken
there in the quiet amongst the broken glass and rusted machinery and I let the
glass and rusted machinery and I let the
glass and rusted machinery and I let the building’s just speak to me and that’s
building’s just speak to me and that’s
building’s just speak to me and that’s when I start noticing the brightly
when I start noticing the brightly
when I start noticing the brightly colored walls the brickwork and the
colored walls the brickwork and the
colored walls the brickwork and the masonry hiding under layers of kudzu
masonry hiding under layers of kudzu
masonry hiding under layers of kudzu rust and molds hey everybody so uh so
rust and molds hey everybody so uh so
rust and molds hey everybody so uh so rule expiration or R or X is the
rule expiration or R or X is the
rule expiration or R or X is the expiration of abandoned spaces for the
expiration of abandoned spaces for the
expiration of abandoned spaces for the interest of arts historical interest and
interest of arts historical interest and
interest of arts historical interest and adventure and of course the rural part
adventure and of course the rural part
adventure and of course the rural part means I’m roaming the countryside
means I’m roaming the countryside
means I’m roaming the countryside looking for sketchy places and the
looking for sketchy places and the
looking for sketchy places and the opposite side of that is herb X which is
opposite side of that is herb X which is
opposite side of that is herb X which is in the city so you see a lot of steel
in the city so you see a lot of steel
in the city so you see a lot of steel mills and things like that but my my
mills and things like that but my my
mills and things like that but my my focus is the South Granada countryside
focus is the South Granada countryside
focus is the South Granada countryside so being a rule Explorer means that I
so being a rule Explorer means that I
so being a rule Explorer means that I spend a lot of time in dark places and
spend a lot of time in dark places and
spend a lot of time in dark places and as someone living with depression I
as someone living with depression I
as someone living with depression I spend a lot of time in dark places
spend a lot of time in dark places
spend a lot of time in dark places literally and figuratively so I’ll spare
literally and figuratively so I’ll spare
literally and figuratively so I’ll spare you the Wikipedia read through of what
you the Wikipedia read through of what
you the Wikipedia read through of what depression is and how it affects your
depression is and how it affects your
depression is and how it affects your mental and physical well-being and I’ll
mental and physical well-being and I’ll
mental and physical well-being and I’ll just say it straight out depression is
just say it straight out depression is
just say it straight out depression is absolute it’s crazy right so
absolute it’s crazy right so
absolute it’s crazy right so I’m not saying it’s not real it’s
I’m not saying it’s not real it’s
I’m not saying it’s not real it’s definitely real
definitely real
definitely real but it the way that it makes you feel is
but it the way that it makes you feel is
but it the way that it makes you feel is is it’s yes
is it’s yes
is it’s yes so hey mom I’m sorry I said that word so
so hey mom I’m sorry I said that word so
so hey mom I’m sorry I said that word so it makes you feel like you’re isolated
it makes you feel like you’re isolated
it makes you feel like you’re isolated it makes you feel like the dark is where
it makes you feel like the dark is where
it makes you feel like the dark is where you belong and it makes you feel that no
you belong and it makes you feel that no
you belong and it makes you feel that no one will ever love you and even if they
one will ever love you and even if they
one will ever love you and even if they did love you you certainly don’t deserve
did love you you certainly don’t deserve
did love you you certainly don’t deserve it so I know what it’s like this
it so I know what it’s like this
it so I know what it’s like this disappear under layers
disappear under layers
disappear under layers of decay waiting for someone to find me
of decay waiting for someone to find me
of decay waiting for someone to find me so I was diagnosed with depression in
so I was diagnosed with depression in
so I was diagnosed with depression in graduate school where I was studying of
graduate school where I was studying of
graduate school where I was studying of all things counselor education and I
all things counselor education and I
all things counselor education and I knew as a new counselor that knew
knew as a new counselor that knew
knew as a new counselor that knew everything that only sleeps me a couple
everything that only sleeps me a couple
everything that only sleeps me a couple hours at night for a couple of weeks was
hours at night for a couple of weeks was
hours at night for a couple of weeks was probably not a good thing so I decided
probably not a good thing so I decided
probably not a good thing so I decided to go to the medical center for help
to go to the medical center for help
to go to the medical center for help hoping to be prescribed something that
hoping to be prescribed something that
hoping to be prescribed something that would help me finally get some rest and
would help me finally get some rest and
would help me finally get some rest and so when I met with my doctor after
so when I met with my doctor after
so when I met with my doctor after hearing the usual questions he asked me
hearing the usual questions he asked me
hearing the usual questions he asked me one thing he said do you have Dino if
one thing he said do you have Dino if
one thing he said do you have Dino if you have a history of depression and of
you have a history of depression and of
you have a history of depression and of course knowing everything I said no I
course knowing everything I said no I
course knowing everything I said no I was just tired obviously aren’t you the
was just tired obviously aren’t you the
was just tired obviously aren’t you the doctor you just see that and he said you
doctor you just see that and he said you
doctor you just see that and he said you I want you to do me a favor and he gave
I want you to do me a favor and he gave
I want you to do me a favor and he gave me an instruction that probably saved my
me an instruction that probably saved my
me an instruction that probably saved my life at that point he said I want you to
life at that point he said I want you to
life at that point he said I want you to make a appointment with a therapist and
make a appointment with a therapist and
make a appointment with a therapist and come back to me and so of course I
come back to me and so of course I
come back to me and so of course I wanted to prove him wrong so I made the
wanted to prove him wrong so I made the
wanted to prove him wrong so I made the appointment and after again asking the
appointment and after again asking the
appointment and after again asking the usual questions my therapist asked me
usual questions my therapist asked me
usual questions my therapist asked me something that changed everything she
something that changed everything she
something that changed everything she said tell me what’s been going on that’s
said tell me what’s been going on that’s
said tell me what’s been going on that’s keeping you from from sleeping and it
keeping you from from sleeping and it
keeping you from from sleeping and it was like a dam broke everything that had
was like a dam broke everything that had
was like a dam broke everything that had pinned up things I knew and things I
pinned up things I knew and things I
pinned up things I knew and things I didn’t know kind of poured forth from me
didn’t know kind of poured forth from me
didn’t know kind of poured forth from me and I felt relief for the first time and
and I felt relief for the first time and
and I felt relief for the first time and so my path ala darkness was struck at
so my path ala darkness was struck at
so my path ala darkness was struck at that point and I was diagnosed and
that point and I was diagnosed and
that point and I was diagnosed and depressants and of course I had my
depressants and of course I had my
depressants and of course I had my doubts I was afraid that I would become
doubts I was afraid that I would become
doubts I was afraid that I would become a person that had too many emotions that
a person that had too many emotions that
a person that had too many emotions that goes into a person had no emotions at
goes into a person had no emotions at
goes into a person had no emotions at all and so I didn’t want to be a robot
all and so I didn’t want to be a robot
all and so I didn’t want to be a robot so I fought against that but I went
so I fought against that but I went
so I fought against that but I went ahead and took them it did change me it
ahead and took them it did change me it
ahead and took them it did change me it changed me for in a positive direction
changed me for in a positive direction
changed me for in a positive direction it allowed me to manage my emotions sad
it allowed me to manage my emotions sad
it allowed me to manage my emotions sad was really sad and happy was indeed
was really sad and happy was indeed
was really sad and happy was indeed happy so I knew exactly how was feeling
happy so I knew exactly how was feeling
happy so I knew exactly how was feeling and I can process that my
and I can process that my
and I can process that my everybody else at that time and I
everybody else at that time and I
everybody else at that time and I process that clarity through my art so
process that clarity through my art so
process that clarity through my art so art was something that I’d always clung
art was something that I’d always clung
art was something that I’d always clung to it’s something it’s a way that you
to it’s something it’s a way that you
to it’s something it’s a way that you can say anything you wanted while using
can say anything you wanted while using
can say anything you wanted while using a few words and so I started exploring
a few words and so I started exploring
a few words and so I started exploring the countryside going along drives and I
the countryside going along drives and I
the countryside going along drives and I started noticing these homes just
started noticing these homes just
started noticing these homes just hanging out under kudzu and when you
hanging out under kudzu and when you
hanging out under kudzu and when you have depression sometimes you make bad
have depression sometimes you make bad
have depression sometimes you make bad choices and I started looking through
choices and I started looking through
choices and I started looking through windows peeking through doors going in
windows peeking through doors going in
windows peeking through doors going in those doors and and seeing what light
those doors and and seeing what light
those doors and and seeing what light with what what lay within and I at that
with what what lay within and I at that
with what what lay within and I at that moment I stopped seeing these places as
moment I stopped seeing these places as
moment I stopped seeing these places as buildings excuse me I feel like a
buildings excuse me I feel like a
buildings excuse me I feel like a superstar when I did that oh my goodness
um so I stopped seeing these places as
um so I stopped seeing these places as buildings I started seeing them as
buildings I started seeing them as
buildings I started seeing them as sleeping giants as as actual beings that
sleeping giants as as actual beings that
sleeping giants as as actual beings that have stories that needed to be told I
have stories that needed to be told I
have stories that needed to be told I mean these places their homes once
mean these places their homes once
mean these places their homes once people live there people loved there
people live there people loved there
people live there people loved there once they had stories that were
once they had stories that were
once they had stories that were essential to where we are today in our
essential to where we are today in our
essential to where we are today in our country now this one here I’ll have to
country now this one here I’ll have to
country now this one here I’ll have to say is this one is a house in
say is this one is a house in
say is this one is a house in Westminster and after I left this house
Westminster and after I left this house
Westminster and after I left this house and developed a photo someone said I
and developed a photo someone said I
and developed a photo someone said I think you were in a mess house oh well
think you were in a mess house oh well
think you were in a mess house oh well whoopsies so so I survived that I’m here
whoopsies so so I survived that I’m here
whoopsies so so I survived that I’m here to here to say that I am I am okay uh so
to here to say that I am I am okay uh so
to here to say that I am I am okay uh so uh so my friends will tell you that I
uh so my friends will tell you that I
uh so my friends will tell you that I personify these buildings I talk about
personify these buildings I talk about
personify these buildings I talk about them like they’re actual people I used
them like they’re actual people I used
them like they’re actual people I used the pronouns she and he and all that but
the pronouns she and he and all that but
the pronouns she and he and all that but one one place that I had particular
one one place that I had particular
one one place that I had particular kinship with was Cortney mill in Newry
kinship with was Cortney mill in Newry
kinship with was Cortney mill in Newry South Carolina and somebody may be
South Carolina and somebody may be
South Carolina and somebody may be familiar with the mill
familiar with the mill
familiar with the mill uh Courtney sits on at the edge of a
uh Courtney sits on at the edge of a
uh Courtney sits on at the edge of a small village that she used to support
small village that she used to support
small village that she used to support and she supported the village until she
and she supported the village until she
and she supported the village until she ceased operations in 1975 now in her
ceased operations in 1975 now in her
ceased operations in 1975 now in her heyday she was a center of cotton plant
heyday she was a center of cotton plant
heyday she was a center of cotton plant processing and inside
processing and inside
processing and inside she had walls that were brilliantly
she had walls that were brilliantly
she had walls that were brilliantly painted that was one of the first things
painted that was one of the first things
painted that was one of the first things I noticed about her she had a beautiful
I noticed about her she had a beautiful
I noticed about her she had a beautiful brickwork throughout like people really
brickwork throughout like people really
brickwork throughout like people really took their time to build these mills and
took their time to build these mills and
took their time to build these mills and the the windows in her towers were this
the the windows in her towers were this
the the windows in her towers were this perfect tiffany blue and so that was
perfect tiffany blue and so that was
perfect tiffany blue and so that was just something that struck me about her
just something that struck me about her
just something that struck me about her the first time I got to go and visit her
the first time I got to go and visit her
the first time I got to go and visit her so now nuri mill she Kourtney mill
so now nuri mill she Kourtney mill
so now nuri mill she Kourtney mill actually she lives on in stories of
actually she lives on in stories of
actually she lives on in stories of Murray at his heyday its production
Murray at his heyday its production
Murray at his heyday its production floors are silence full of rotting wood
floors are silence full of rotting wood
floors are silence full of rotting wood and in in holes and the as you can see
and in in holes and the as you can see
and in in holes and the as you can see there the windows are they lie in the
there the windows are they lie in the
there the windows are they lie in the ivy that have grown up around the
ivy that have grown up around the
ivy that have grown up around the building and so you don’t really see a
building and so you don’t really see a
building and so you don’t really see a lot of people going through Courtney
lot of people going through Courtney
lot of people going through Courtney mill one because it’s not the safest
mill one because it’s not the safest
mill one because it’s not the safest place and two because you know people
place and two because you know people
place and two because you know people don’t really know her story so recently
don’t really know her story so recently
don’t really know her story so recently you may have heard the news that
you may have heard the news that
you may have heard the news that Courtney caught fire after a lightning
Courtney caught fire after a lightning
Courtney caught fire after a lightning strike as she was suddenly back in the
strike as she was suddenly back in the
strike as she was suddenly back in the public consciousness and sometimes it
public consciousness and sometimes it
public consciousness and sometimes it takes that spark or near destruction for
takes that spark or near destruction for
takes that spark or near destruction for you to realize that what’s really
you to realize that what’s really
you to realize that what’s really precious that you are important and on
precious that you are important and on
precious that you are important and on the flip side you really see someone for
the flip side you really see someone for
the flip side you really see someone for what they really are and what they may
what they really are and what they may
what they really are and what they may be going through and so if you’re living
be going through and so if you’re living
be going through and so if you’re living with depression just know just like
with depression just know just like
with depression just know just like Noori mill you’re very important you
Noori mill you’re very important you
Noori mill you’re very important you have a story that needs to be told you
have a story that needs to be told you
have a story that needs to be told you may be battered a little bit your glass
may be battered a little bit your glass
may be battered a little bit your glass may be broken but we need to know what
may be broken but we need to know what
may be broken but we need to know what you added to our our world our world
you added to our our world our world
you added to our our world our world story and for people who love us living
story and for people who love us living
story and for people who love us living with depression sometimes you’re going
with depression sometimes you’re going
with depression sometimes you’re going to have to make choices that you didn’t
to have to make choices that you didn’t
to have to make choices that you didn’t think you would make you have to peek
think you would make you have to peek
think you would make you have to peek behind windows you’re going to have to
behind windows you’re going to have to
behind windows you’re going to have to climb over
climb over
climb over walls that we’ve built around ourselves
walls that we’ve built around ourselves
walls that we’ve built around ourselves and you’re going to have to risk getting
and you’re going to have to risk getting
and you’re going to have to risk getting cut by some of the barbs that we put
cut by some of the barbs that we put
cut by some of the barbs that we put around our hearts there and it’s worth
around our hearts there and it’s worth
around our hearts there and it’s worth it
it
it we sometimes we’re just waiting there
we sometimes we’re just waiting there
we sometimes we’re just waiting there for someone to help us get out of that
for someone to help us get out of that
for someone to help us get out of that now there’s going to be times where I’m
now there’s going to be times where I’m
now there’s going to be times where I’m going to be a superstar again there’s go
going to be a superstar again there’s go
going to be a superstar again there’s go many times where you don’t know what to
many times where you don’t know what to
many times where you don’t know what to do um and all you can do is watch from
do um and all you can do is watch from
do um and all you can do is watch from afar and I would never say it’s not okay
afar and I would never say it’s not okay
afar and I would never say it’s not okay sometimes you can love somebody and you
sometimes you can love somebody and you
sometimes you can love somebody and you want nothing but their health and
want nothing but their health and
want nothing but their health and survival and for them to know how
survival and for them to know how
survival and for them to know how important they are to you but they’re
important they are to you but they’re
important they are to you but they’re also going to be times that you don’t
also going to be times that you don’t
also going to be times that you don’t know what to do and you have to sit and
know what to do and you have to sit and
know what to do and you have to sit and watch from afar until you know exactly
watch from afar until you know exactly
watch from afar until you know exactly how you can help so I’ll tell you a
how you can help so I’ll tell you a
how you can help so I’ll tell you a story about the time time I took my
story about the time time I took my
story about the time time I took my parents actually shooting with me one
parents actually shooting with me one
parents actually shooting with me one time and I’m sure you’re wondering how
time and I’m sure you’re wondering how
time and I’m sure you’re wondering how my parents feel about me doing this they
my parents feel about me doing this they
my parents feel about me doing this they do not like it okay so they my mom has
do not like it okay so they my mom has
do not like it okay so they my mom has made me promise not to go to any site by
made me promise not to go to any site by
made me promise not to go to any site by myself because she’s afraid I’m gonna
myself because she’s afraid I’m gonna
myself because she’s afraid I’m gonna fall down a well shaft and die so so I
fall down a well shaft and die so so I
fall down a well shaft and die so so I promise that I won’t won’t won’t do that
promise that I won’t won’t won’t do that
promise that I won’t won’t won’t do that uh so I took my parents with me and we
uh so I took my parents with me and we
uh so I took my parents with me and we decided to go and explore my my dad’s
decided to go and explore my my dad’s
decided to go and explore my my dad’s hometown of Chester South Carolina and
hometown of Chester South Carolina and
hometown of Chester South Carolina and my dad was really excited to show me in
my dad was really excited to show me in
my dad was really excited to show me in the mill that he’d worked at as as a
the mill that he’d worked at as as a
the mill that he’d worked at as as a teenager and that that morning as I got
teenager and that that morning as I got
teenager and that that morning as I got ready I was packing my lenses in my
ready I was packing my lenses in my
ready I was packing my lenses in my camera and my air filter mask a lot of
camera and my air filter mask a lot of
camera and my air filter mask a lot of that goes into this my mom comes out and
that goes into this my mom comes out and
that goes into this my mom comes out and she shows me how she prepared for this
she shows me how she prepared for this
she shows me how she prepared for this she had two outfits one this is neither
she had two outfits one this is neither
she had two outfits one this is neither her own words one that in case we had to
her own words one that in case we had to
her own words one that in case we had to run away quickly
run away quickly
run away quickly and the other a case we had to climb
and the other a case we had to climb
and the other a case we had to climb over things and so at that moment I
over things and so at that moment I
over things and so at that moment I never loved my mom more than them
never loved my mom more than them
never loved my mom more than them because she knew how important this was
because she knew how important this was
because she knew how important this was to me
to me
to me to the point that she planned outfits
to the point that she planned outfits
to the point that she planned outfits for it so I said it’s my mom and I
for it so I said it’s my mom and I
for it so I said it’s my mom and I should mention at this point that both
should mention at this point that both
should mention at this point that both outfits were white so yeah so you know
outfits were white so yeah so you know
outfits were white so yeah so you know you never know so um when we were going
you never know so um when we were going
you never know so um when we were going to our first site my parents decided
to our first site my parents decided
to our first site my parents decided that they weren’t going to explore with
that they weren’t going to explore with
that they weren’t going to explore with me they were going to wait in the car
me they were going to wait in the car
me they were going to wait in the car where the air conditioning was and they
where the air conditioning was and they
where the air conditioning was and they would drive slowly and when I went out
would drive slowly and when I went out
would drive slowly and when I went out of sight so I I’ve never you know when I
of sight so I I’ve never you know when I
of sight so I I’ve never you know when I go shooting I don’t I’m not used to a
go shooting I don’t I’m not used to a
go shooting I don’t I’m not used to a car I usually have a cars behind me I
car I usually have a cars behind me I
car I usually have a cars behind me I should probably go right so is this that
should probably go right so is this that
should probably go right so is this that yeah this is where they were comfortable
yeah this is where they were comfortable
yeah this is where they were comfortable but at that point they weren’t sure
but at that point they weren’t sure
but at that point they weren’t sure they’re ready to take that journey with
they’re ready to take that journey with
they’re ready to take that journey with me they knew that they were comfortable
me they knew that they were comfortable
me they knew that they were comfortable watching from afar but they didn’t know
watching from afar but they didn’t know
watching from afar but they didn’t know how to reach in there and grab me so
how to reach in there and grab me so
how to reach in there and grab me so eventually they got out of the car and
eventually they got out of the car and
eventually they got out of the car and walked around with me and it meant so
walked around with me and it meant so
walked around with me and it meant so much because it meant that they saw just
much because it meant that they saw just
much because it meant that they saw just what I’m doing just how important it was
what I’m doing just how important it was
what I’m doing just how important it was to me and that this was indeed my
to me and that this was indeed my
to me and that this was indeed my self-care and so sometimes we you love
self-care and so sometimes we you love
self-care and so sometimes we you love somebody with depression sometimes it
somebody with depression sometimes it
somebody with depression sometimes it takes you a little bit but it makes so
takes you a little bit but it makes so
takes you a little bit but it makes so it’s such a big difference when we see
it’s such a big difference when we see
it’s such a big difference when we see that you’re walking next to us and even
that you’re walking next to us and even
that you’re walking next to us and even if we’re looking behind you behind us
if we’re looking behind you behind us
if we’re looking behind you behind us and we see that you are you know
and we see that you are you know
and we see that you are you know supporting us from afar as long as we
supporting us from afar as long as we
supporting us from afar as long as we know that you’re in our lives sometimes
know that you’re in our lives sometimes
know that you’re in our lives sometimes that makes the hugest difference and so
that makes the hugest difference and so
that makes the hugest difference and so today I’m able to live a full and
today I’m able to live a full and
today I’m able to live a full and creative life I am still taking in
creative life I am still taking in
creative life I am still taking in depressants still going to therapy and
depressants still going to therapy and
depressants still going to therapy and I’m able to and now my my work my art
I’m able to and now my my work my art
I’m able to and now my my work my art has allowed me to spread this message
has allowed me to spread this message
has allowed me to spread this message across the world so
across the world so
across the world so um all I have to say is that by giving
um all I have to say is that by giving
um all I have to say is that by giving myself walk over to these buildings and
myself walk over to these buildings and
myself walk over to these buildings and learning their stories
learning their stories
learning their stories I learned my own story and I learned how
I learned my own story and I learned how
I learned my own story and I learned how precious I was and they they basically
precious I was and they they basically
precious I was and they they basically saved me and so at this point I know how
saved me and so at this point I know how
saved me and so at this point I know how to come out of the dark on my own and
to come out of the dark on my own and
to come out of the dark on my own and reach for the light thank you
reach for the light thank you
reach for the light thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] you
you
you [Music]
”
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