so my human experience is kind of taught me that um when I’m using the ladies
me that um when I’m using the ladies
me that um when I’m using the ladies room I have this really awkward
room I have this really awkward
room I have this really awkward experience so I’ll be standing there
experience so I’ll be standing there
experience so I’ll be standing there washing my hands and someone comes in
washing my hands and someone comes in
washing my hands and someone comes in and they see me there’s just immediate
and they see me there’s just immediate
and they see me there’s just immediate panic on their face like that I walk in
panic on their face like that I walk in
panic on their face like that I walk in the last room I’m not really sure I
the last room I’m not really sure I
the last room I’m not really sure I think that’s a girl I don’t know though
think that’s a girl I don’t know though
think that’s a girl I don’t know though maybe double check my favorite part
maybe double check my favorite part
maybe double check my favorite part about this encounter is that when they
about this encounter is that when they
about this encounter is that when they go they actually hold the door open as
go they actually hold the door open as
go they actually hold the door open as if I can’t see that they’re looking to
if I can’t see that they’re looking to
if I can’t see that they’re looking to see if they read the sign right but
see if they read the sign right but
see if they read the sign right but turns out I am a girl I identify as an
turns out I am a girl I identify as an
turns out I am a girl I identify as an androgynous lesbian it’s really kind of
androgynous lesbian it’s really kind of
androgynous lesbian it’s really kind of complicated because that’s what we are
complicated because that’s what we are
complicated because that’s what we are as people right so what I’ve learned is
as people right so what I’ve learned is
as people right so what I’ve learned is when I tell people that they ask me
when I tell people that they ask me
when I tell people that they ask me three questions so no I’m not a boy no I
three questions so no I’m not a boy no I
three questions so no I’m not a boy no I don’t wish I was and yes I am 100% sure
don’t wish I was and yes I am 100% sure
don’t wish I was and yes I am 100% sure so now that I’ve cleared the air you can
so now that I’ve cleared the air you can
so now that I’ve cleared the air you can listen to why why I’m here what I’m
listen to why why I’m here what I’m
listen to why why I’m here what I’m passionate about and that’s creating a
passionate about and that’s creating a
passionate about and that’s creating a space an authentic space so that we can
space an authentic space so that we can
space an authentic space so that we can show up and give our best most
show up and give our best most
show up and give our best most meaningful self so we can connect in a
meaningful self so we can connect in a
meaningful self so we can connect in a way that matters I recently had someone
way that matters I recently had someone
way that matters I recently had someone asked me what I did for a living and
asked me what I did for a living and
asked me what I did for a living and when I told them in the briefest
when I told them in the briefest
when I told them in the briefest shortest way possible kind of looked at
shortest way possible kind of looked at
shortest way possible kind of looked at me sideways and said so basically you
me sideways and said so basically you
me sideways and said so basically you save people and in that moment the first
save people and in that moment the first
save people and in that moment the first thing that came out of my mouth was well
thing that came out of my mouth was well
thing that came out of my mouth was well no you can’t save people you can love
no you can’t save people you can love
no you can’t save people you can love them and so I walk away from this
them and so I walk away from this
them and so I walk away from this interaction in this montage of all these
interaction in this montage of all these
interaction in this montage of all these jobs I’ve had as a personal trainer of
jobs I’ve had as a personal trainer of
jobs I’ve had as a personal trainer of basketball coach a camp counselor all
basketball coach a camp counselor all
basketball coach a camp counselor all the mission trips I’ve been on in this
the mission trips I’ve been on in this
the mission trips I’ve been on in this deep route that I’ve always had of
deep route that I’ve always had of
deep route that I’ve always had of creating this space for people to feel
creating this space for people to feel
creating this space for people to feel safe and secure with me so they could
safe and secure with me so they could
safe and secure with me so they could show up and show their best and truest
show up and show their best and truest
show up and show their best and truest selves and so what I learned is that
selves and so what I learned is that
selves and so what I learned is that even though the platform is constantly
even though the platform is constantly
even though the platform is constantly changing and constantly evolving the
changing and constantly evolving the
changing and constantly evolving the thing that comes down to it is that we
thing that comes down to it is that we
thing that comes down to it is that we connect through story what do I mean by
connect through story what do I mean by
connect through story what do I mean by that so at the end of the day we all
that so at the end of the day we all
that so at the end of the day we all have these different circumstances right
have these different circumstances right
have these different circumstances right every single person in here has had
every single person in here has had
every single person in here has had different situations different
different situations different
different situations different encounters you’ve met different people
encounters you’ve met different people
encounters you’ve met different people but at the core of all that we all have
but at the core of all that we all have
but at the core of all that we all have the same set of human emotions so fear
the same set of human emotions so fear
the same set of human emotions so fear might look different for you than it
might look different for you than it
might look different for you than it does for me but we both know that
does for me but we both know that
does for me but we both know that experience of being afraid and so what I
experience of being afraid and so what I
experience of being afraid and so what I learned is when you create a space for
learned is when you create a space for
learned is when you create a space for people to feel safe when you allow them
people to feel safe when you allow them
people to feel safe when you allow them to show up and be their truest self what
to show up and be their truest self what
to show up and be their truest self what really happens with people when you give
really happens with people when you give
really happens with people when you give them this space
them this space
them this space that you listen without the intent to
that you listen without the intent to
that you listen without the intent to reply but listen to show that there is
reply but listen to show that there is
reply but listen to show that there is grace and now who they are matters I
grace and now who they are matters I
grace and now who they are matters I work with kids and what I tell them all
work with kids and what I tell them all
work with kids and what I tell them all the time is you are a walking breathing
the time is you are a walking breathing
the time is you are a walking breathing miracle I mean that for everyone
miracle I mean that for everyone
miracle I mean that for everyone wholeheartedly and what I mean by that
wholeheartedly and what I mean by that
wholeheartedly and what I mean by that is at the end of the day who you are as
is at the end of the day who you are as
is at the end of the day who you are as a person your gifts your weaknesses your
a person your gifts your weaknesses your
a person your gifts your weaknesses your strengths everything about who you are
strengths everything about who you are
strengths everything about who you are is not an accident and you’re here right
is not an accident and you’re here right
is not an accident and you’re here right now for a reason you didn’t come in the
now for a reason you didn’t come in the
now for a reason you didn’t come in the 1800s you came now so what you’re doing
1800s you came now so what you’re doing
1800s you came now so what you’re doing right now has a purpose how is that not
right now has a purpose how is that not
right now has a purpose how is that not a miracle to celebrate I tell my kids
a miracle to celebrate I tell my kids
a miracle to celebrate I tell my kids that all the time you matter
that all the time you matter
that all the time you matter you’re a beautiful walking breathing
you’re a beautiful walking breathing
you’re a beautiful walking breathing miracle in 2012 I was in church and the
miracle in 2012 I was in church and the
miracle in 2012 I was in church and the pastor walks out he’s holding two
pastor walks out he’s holding two
pastor walks out he’s holding two bundles a yarn red yarn
bundles a yarn red yarn
bundles a yarn red yarn he walks to one side of the congregation
he walks to one side of the congregation
he walks to one side of the congregation he says what I want you to do is I want
he says what I want you to do is I want
he says what I want you to do is I want you to take this yarn I want you to pass
you to take this yarn I want you to pass
you to take this yarn I want you to pass it all the way back make sure everybody
it all the way back make sure everybody
it all the way back make sure everybody touches it he walks to the other side
touches it he walks to the other side
touches it he walks to the other side gives the same task he says get you have
gives the same task he says get you have
gives the same task he says get you have about ten minutes sorted out so at the
about ten minutes sorted out so at the
about ten minutes sorted out so at the end ten minutes what he said was if
end ten minutes what he said was if
end ten minutes what he said was if you’re holding that red string you
you’re holding that red string you
you’re holding that red string you represent the people that have been
represent the people that have been
represent the people that have been touched by faith in some capacity if you
touched by faith in some capacity if you
touched by faith in some capacity if you aren’t touching that yarn you represent
aren’t touching that yarn you represent
aren’t touching that yarn you represent the people that haven’t been touched yet
the people that haven’t been touched yet
the people that haven’t been touched yet so if you’re holding that red yard I
so if you’re holding that red yard I
so if you’re holding that red yard I want you to find somebody that isn’t and
want you to find somebody that isn’t and
want you to find somebody that isn’t and hold their hand so Sunday morning in
hold their hand so Sunday morning in
hold their hand so Sunday morning in church all groggy I’m holding red string
church all groggy I’m holding red string
church all groggy I’m holding red string and holding a stranger’s hand like what
and holding a stranger’s hand like what
and holding a stranger’s hand like what is this guy’s point right
is this guy’s point right
is this guy’s point right but at the end of the sermon what he
but at the end of the sermon what he
but at the end of the sermon what he said was sometimes you got to be that
said was sometimes you got to be that
said was sometimes you got to be that bridge you have to be that person to get
bridge you have to be that person to get
bridge you have to be that person to get somebody to their faith and at the end
somebody to their faith and at the end
somebody to their faith and at the end of that sermon we said I want you all to
of that sermon we said I want you all to
of that sermon we said I want you all to take a piece of that yarn and I want you
take a piece of that yarn and I want you
take a piece of that yarn and I want you to take it as a reminder to be that
to take it as a reminder to be that
to take it as a reminder to be that bridge to show up for someone and so I
bridge to show up for someone and so I
bridge to show up for someone and so I tied that yarn around my wrist Hill it
tied that yarn around my wrist Hill it
tied that yarn around my wrist Hill it literally fell off and I still carry it
literally fell off and I still carry it
literally fell off and I still carry it with me every single day now but it’s
with me every single day now but it’s
with me every single day now but it’s evolved to so much more for me now as a
evolved to so much more for me now as a
evolved to so much more for me now as a representation if this is authentic
representation if this is authentic
representation if this is authentic truth how can I be that bridge to get
truth how can I be that bridge to get
truth how can I be that bridge to get you to that space how can I give you a
you to that space how can I give you a
you to that space how can I give you a space so that you can feel safe you feel
space so that you can feel safe you feel
space so that you can feel safe you feel connected and that you can show up in a
connected and that you can show up in a
connected and that you can show up in a way that matters right and so I’m going
way that matters right and so I’m going
way that matters right and so I’m going to show you picture a little girl that’s
to show you picture a little girl that’s
to show you picture a little girl that’s me my dad loves this one on the right
me my dad loves this one on the right
me my dad loves this one on the right but the one on the left I find
but the one on the left I find
but the one on the left I find particularly unique well not even unique
particularly unique well not even unique
particularly unique well not even unique but what I think is important about it
but what I think is important about it
but what I think is important about it is if you look at the way kids behave
is if you look at the way kids behave
is if you look at the way kids behave they’re kind of both and right they
they’re kind of both and right they
they’re kind of both and right they don’t care about gender no
don’t care about gender no
don’t care about gender no they don’t care about what you say
they don’t care about what you say
they don’t care about what you say they’re supposed to be they like what
they’re supposed to be they like what
they’re supposed to be they like what they like it’s that simple right and so
they like it’s that simple right and so
they like it’s that simple right and so for me that’s where this was is this
for me that’s where this was is this
for me that’s where this was is this thing as a kid as I was trying to figure
thing as a kid as I was trying to figure
thing as a kid as I was trying to figure out this truth inside of me that I had
out this truth inside of me that I had
out this truth inside of me that I had nowhere to go I didn’t have someone
nowhere to go I didn’t have someone
nowhere to go I didn’t have someone being that bridge no in the defense of
being that bridge no in the defense of
being that bridge no in the defense of my parents had loved me very much we
my parents had loved me very much we
my parents had loved me very much we didn’t have the tools and the truth and
didn’t have the tools and the truth and
didn’t have the tools and the truth and the navigate we have now I didn’t know
the navigate we have now I didn’t know
the navigate we have now I didn’t know how to figure out what that meant and
how to figure out what that meant and
how to figure out what that meant and every representation I saw was nothing
every representation I saw was nothing
every representation I saw was nothing that made any sense to me I didn’t want
that made any sense to me I didn’t want
that made any sense to me I didn’t want to wear a dress it’s the worst thing if
to wear a dress it’s the worst thing if
to wear a dress it’s the worst thing if you tell me I needed to do was the worst
you tell me I needed to do was the worst
you tell me I needed to do was the worst and so what I learned is what happens if
and so what I learned is what happens if
and so what I learned is what happens if you don’t give someone that space for 30
you don’t give someone that space for 30
you don’t give someone that space for 30 years of my life I wrestled trying to
years of my life I wrestled trying to
years of my life I wrestled trying to find my truth and trying to find someone
find my truth and trying to find someone
find my truth and trying to find someone that would give me that bridge that
that would give me that bridge that
that would give me that bridge that grace so what happens when you don’t
grace so what happens when you don’t
grace so what happens when you don’t give a kid that space what happens then
give a kid that space what happens then
give a kid that space what happens then when I was in third grade and this one
when I was in third grade and this one
when I was in third grade and this one sticks out really like far for me
sticks out really like far for me
sticks out really like far for me because it’s not like it was that much
because it’s not like it was that much
because it’s not like it was that much different every year I asked for a nerf
different every year I asked for a nerf
different every year I asked for a nerf gun but for some reason in third grade
gun but for some reason in third grade
gun but for some reason in third grade this one really sticks out to me so for
this one really sticks out to me so for
this one really sticks out to me so for Christmas I would ask for a nerf gun and
Christmas I would ask for a nerf gun and
Christmas I would ask for a nerf gun and I’d never get it my birthday shortly
I’d never get it my birthday shortly
I’d never get it my birthday shortly thereafter so I’d be like maybe this
thereafter so I’d be like maybe this
thereafter so I’d be like maybe this will be the year right and so in third
will be the year right and so in third
will be the year right and so in third grade I didn’t get it for Christmas and
grade I didn’t get it for Christmas and
grade I didn’t get it for Christmas and then I had this box sitting on my on the
then I had this box sitting on my on the
then I had this box sitting on my on the table for my birthday and it’s thinking
table for my birthday and it’s thinking
table for my birthday and it’s thinking yes this is finally my time for a nerf
yes this is finally my time for a nerf
yes this is finally my time for a nerf gun I’m going to shoot my brother up
gun I’m going to shoot my brother up
gun I’m going to shoot my brother up right I’m so stoked but I opened up the
right I’m so stoked but I opened up the
right I’m so stoked but I opened up the gift and all this joy and excitement was
gift and all this joy and excitement was
gift and all this joy and excitement was just completely sucked right out of it I
just completely sucked right out of it I
just completely sucked right out of it I got a skipper doll I didn’t even get
got a skipper doll I didn’t even get
got a skipper doll I didn’t even get Barbie I got like the knockoff right but
Barbie I got like the knockoff right but
Barbie I got like the knockoff right but um but the thing is is that it wasn’t
um but the thing is is that it wasn’t
um but the thing is is that it wasn’t even about the skipper doll and I think
even about the skipper doll and I think
even about the skipper doll and I think my parents thought that the tears that
my parents thought that the tears that
my parents thought that the tears that came out of my eyes at that moment were
came out of my eyes at that moment were
came out of my eyes at that moment were because I was ungrateful but I finally
because I was ungrateful but I finally
because I was ungrateful but I finally realized thirty years later I wasn’t
realized thirty years later I wasn’t
realized thirty years later I wasn’t ungrateful I just needed to be seen I
ungrateful I just needed to be seen I
ungrateful I just needed to be seen I needed someone to know who I was and to
needed someone to know who I was and to
needed someone to know who I was and to see me for that truth and not try to put
see me for that truth and not try to put
see me for that truth and not try to put me in a box of what’s normal for a girl
me in a box of what’s normal for a girl
me in a box of what’s normal for a girl to be or put a timeline on how long she
to be or put a timeline on how long she
to be or put a timeline on how long she should be a tomboy towards trying to
should be a tomboy towards trying to
should be a tomboy towards trying to find my truth and I need you someone to
find my truth and I need you someone to
find my truth and I need you someone to do that now it’s interesting to me is
do that now it’s interesting to me is
do that now it’s interesting to me is like I said I work with kids and
like I said I work with kids and
like I said I work with kids and kindergarteners are brave anybody know
kindergarteners are brave anybody know
kindergarteners are brave anybody know about kindergartners they are brave they
about kindergartners they are brave they
about kindergartners they are brave they will ask you whatever is on their mind
will ask you whatever is on their mind
will ask you whatever is on their mind and so at least once a week with these
and so at least once a week with these
and so at least once a week with these kids I have someone come up to me
kids I have someone come up to me
kids I have someone come up to me they’re like are you a boy or a girl
they’re like are you a boy or a girl
they’re like are you a boy or a girl real confused they’re like what if what
real confused they’re like what if what
real confused they’re like what if what is what’s going on here with this girl
is what’s going on here with this girl
is what’s going on here with this girl right I tell them all I’m a girl and
right I tell them all I’m a girl and
right I tell them all I’m a girl and they’re like dumbfounded like why are
they’re like dumbfounded like why are
they’re like dumbfounded like why are you dressed like that why don’t you have
you dressed like that why don’t you have
you dressed like that why don’t you have long hair what do you mean you’re a girl
long hair what do you mean you’re a girl
long hair what do you mean you’re a girl shouldn’t you be wearing a dress and I
shouldn’t you be wearing a dress and I
shouldn’t you be wearing a dress and I tell them well well no not really I mean
tell them well well no not really I mean
tell them well well no not really I mean what are you wearing why you wearing
what are you wearing why you wearing
what are you wearing why you wearing that
that
that why are you wearing those Jordans why is
why are you wearing those Jordans why is
why are you wearing those Jordans why is your hair cut like that well cuz I like
your hair cut like that well cuz I like
your hair cut like that well cuz I like it but I tell them well I like this this
it but I tell them well I like this this
it but I tell them well I like this this is my truth you know it’s funny they
is my truth you know it’s funny they
is my truth you know it’s funny they don’t care they’re like oh that’s cool
don’t care they’re like oh that’s cool
don’t care they’re like oh that’s cool and they go off to go do whatever it is
and they go off to go do whatever it is
and they go off to go do whatever it is they’re doing it’s like that simple for
they’re doing it’s like that simple for
they’re doing it’s like that simple for them they don’t care but if you think
them they don’t care but if you think
them they don’t care but if you think about us as adults we’re the ones that
about us as adults we’re the ones that
about us as adults we’re the ones that care right but why why have we put these
care right but why why have we put these
care right but why why have we put these parameters on ourselves why we put
parameters on ourselves why we put
parameters on ourselves why we put ourselves in these boxes and label that
ourselves in these boxes and label that
ourselves in these boxes and label that we have to be black or white we’re too
we have to be black or white we’re too
we have to be black or white we’re too complex for all of that and like I said
complex for all of that and like I said
complex for all of that and like I said it took me 30 years to find my true 30
it took me 30 years to find my true 30
it took me 30 years to find my true 30 years so what happened at 30 I was in an
years so what happened at 30 I was in an
years so what happened at 30 I was in an interview for a job now this is no
interview for a job now this is no
interview for a job now this is no different than any other job right you
different than any other job right you
different than any other job right you show up you’re kind of a little bit
show up you’re kind of a little bit
show up you’re kind of a little bit nervous but I realized that 30 is that
nervous but I realized that 30 is that
nervous but I realized that 30 is that the nervousness I carry for so many
the nervousness I carry for so many
the nervousness I carry for so many years of my life had nothing to do with
years of my life had nothing to do with
years of my life had nothing to do with real and security and everything to do
real and security and everything to do
real and security and everything to do with the fear if they knew who I loved
with the fear if they knew who I loved
with the fear if they knew who I loved if they knew my real truth if I showed
if they knew my real truth if I showed
if they knew my real truth if I showed up the way that I felt mattered I will
up the way that I felt mattered I will
up the way that I felt mattered I will get hired they won’t want me now the
get hired they won’t want me now the
get hired they won’t want me now the hindsight of that is now that I know
hindsight of that is now that I know
hindsight of that is now that I know better I can do better right my Angelou
better I can do better right my Angelou
better I can do better right my Angelou says that so now that I know better I
says that so now that I know better I
says that so now that I know better I know that if I show up with my truth and
know that if I show up with my truth and
know that if I show up with my truth and you don’t want me I don’t belong there
you don’t want me I don’t belong there
you don’t want me I don’t belong there to begin with I belong somewhere else I
to begin with I belong somewhere else I
to begin with I belong somewhere else I need to be where you are celebrated
need to be where you are celebrated
need to be where you are celebrated again we are miracles miracles to be
again we are miracles miracles to be
again we are miracles miracles to be celebrated
celebrated
celebrated I believe that wholeheartedly and if you
I believe that wholeheartedly and if you
I believe that wholeheartedly and if you don’t feel like you’re in a space that
don’t feel like you’re in a space that
don’t feel like you’re in a space that you can show up with your truth to do
you can show up with your truth to do
you can show up with your truth to do that I think you’re in the wrong place
that I think you’re in the wrong place
that I think you’re in the wrong place honest and so what I learned is in this
honest and so what I learned is in this
honest and so what I learned is in this interview I’m sitting there and wearing
interview I’m sitting there and wearing
interview I’m sitting there and wearing these ridiculous kitten heels in these
these ridiculous kitten heels in these
these ridiculous kitten heels in these girls flair cut pants because this is
girls flair cut pants because this is
girls flair cut pants because this is before I got to my truth right I’m
before I got to my truth right I’m
before I got to my truth right I’m wearing what I’m supposed to wear like
wearing what I’m supposed to wear like
wearing what I’m supposed to wear like all my other interviews I’m showing up
all my other interviews I’m showing up
all my other interviews I’m showing up again I have this amazing resume and
again I have this amazing resume and
again I have this amazing resume and I’ve worked hard my whole life and I
I’ve worked hard my whole life and I
I’ve worked hard my whole life and I know that if it looked at paper it
know that if it looked at paper it
know that if it looked at paper it wouldn’t matter but I don’t know if
wouldn’t matter but I don’t know if
wouldn’t matter but I don’t know if they’re gonna look at paper I wonder if
they’re gonna look at paper I wonder if
they’re gonna look at paper I wonder if they’re gonna look at me so I don’t show
they’re gonna look at me so I don’t show
they’re gonna look at me so I don’t show up with my truth have this outfit that I
up with my truth have this outfit that I
up with my truth have this outfit that I wear only for special occasions because
wear only for special occasions because
wear only for special occasions because I know if they only see me this first
I know if they only see me this first
I know if they only see me this first time I get away with that once they see
time I get away with that once they see
time I get away with that once they see me and they get to know me they won’t
me and they get to know me they won’t
me and they get to know me they won’t care what I wear they won’t care about
care what I wear they won’t care about
care what I wear they won’t care about that anymore but I’m afraid of that
that anymore but I’m afraid of that
that anymore but I’m afraid of that first part right for 30 years I live
first part right for 30 years I live
first part right for 30 years I live this way afraid to show up
this way afraid to show up
this way afraid to show up truthfully and so at thirty years it’s
truthfully and so at thirty years it’s
truthfully and so at thirty years it’s kind of funny now there’s my former
kind of funny now there’s my former
kind of funny now there’s my former coworker can I kind of joke about it
coworker can I kind of joke about it
coworker can I kind of joke about it she’s like when I talk to you on the
she’s like when I talk to you on the
she’s like when I talk to you on the phone what you showed up as was not what
phone what you showed up as was not what
phone what you showed up as was not what I was expecting like join the club this
I was expecting like join the club this
I was expecting like join the club this was every interview I ever went on it’s
was every interview I ever went on it’s
was every interview I ever went on it’s terrible so I sit in this interview and
terrible so I sit in this interview and
terrible so I sit in this interview and I know that I had this skill set and I
I know that I had this skill set and I
I know that I had this skill set and I still have this insecurity
still have this insecurity
still have this insecurity now I get hired for the job and what
now I get hired for the job and what
now I get hired for the job and what happens is that I get hired for a job
happens is that I get hired for a job
happens is that I get hired for a job called dancing classrooms
called dancing classrooms
called dancing classrooms what does dancing classrooms I’m glad
what does dancing classrooms I’m glad
what does dancing classrooms I’m glad you asked dancing classrooms is a social
you asked dancing classrooms is a social
you asked dancing classrooms is a social emotional and a behavior health program
emotional and a behavior health program
emotional and a behavior health program and I worked in the city of Pittsburgh
and I worked in the city of Pittsburgh
and I worked in the city of Pittsburgh at the time in public schools it’s only
at the time in public schools it’s only
at the time in public schools it’s only with fifth-grade kids okay the thing
with fifth-grade kids okay the thing
with fifth-grade kids okay the thing that’s amazing about the program is all
that’s amazing about the program is all
that’s amazing about the program is all inclusive it doesn’t matter how you
inclusive it doesn’t matter how you
inclusive it doesn’t matter how you identify what your religion is your skin
identify what your religion is your skin
identify what your religion is your skin color it doesn’t matter if you have a
color it doesn’t matter if you have a
color it doesn’t matter if you have a disability if you’re on the spectrum
disability if you’re on the spectrum
disability if you’re on the spectrum everybody in fifth grade goes to this
everybody in fifth grade goes to this
everybody in fifth grade goes to this class everybody and everybody dances
class everybody and everybody dances
class everybody and everybody dances with everybody you can’t skip partners
with everybody you can’t skip partners
with everybody you can’t skip partners my favorite is when they try to pull
my favorite is when they try to pull
my favorite is when they try to pull their hands out of their sleep and they
their hands out of their sleep and they
their hands out of their sleep and they want to touch and I pull your hands out
want to touch and I pull your hands out
want to touch and I pull your hands out are you doing like I want to touch but
are you doing like I want to touch but
are you doing like I want to touch but so we create this space for them from
so we create this space for them from
so we create this space for them from that’s what I learned in this five-day
that’s what I learned in this five-day
that’s what I learned in this five-day training is to create the space for them
training is to create the space for them
training is to create the space for them for them to feel safe so that they can
for them to feel safe so that they can
for them to feel safe so that they can touch each other and they learn to do it
touch each other and they learn to do it
touch each other and they learn to do it in a way that matters and that they can
in a way that matters and that they can
in a way that matters and that they can see each other’s truth you teach these
see each other’s truth you teach these
see each other’s truth you teach these kids integrity and honor and all these
kids integrity and honor and all these
kids integrity and honor and all these things so I’m excited because again my
things so I’m excited because again my
things so I’m excited because again my life journey this evolution that I had
life journey this evolution that I had
life journey this evolution that I had even though it’s always changing has
even though it’s always changing has
even though it’s always changing has come to this deep desire to give people
come to this deep desire to give people
come to this deep desire to give people a space to feel safe right now I get to
a space to feel safe right now I get to
a space to feel safe right now I get to deal with kids I’m so excited so for
deal with kids I’m so excited so for
deal with kids I’m so excited so for five days I’m learning how to do this
five days I’m learning how to do this
five days I’m learning how to do this and the fifth day we learn how we’re
and the fifth day we learn how we’re
and the fifth day we learn how we’re supposed to dress and I’m told I have to
supposed to dress and I’m told I have to
supposed to dress and I’m told I have to dress elegantly no to be honest in the
dress elegantly no to be honest in the
dress elegantly no to be honest in the back of my brain like man I can finally
back of my brain like man I can finally
back of my brain like man I can finally dress like James Bond I’m so excited
dress like James Bond I’m so excited
dress like James Bond I’m so excited right like I’m thinking maybe I can
right like I’m thinking maybe I can
right like I’m thinking maybe I can finally wear that black student ID but
finally wear that black student ID but
finally wear that black student ID but they say no women can’t wear pants so
they say no women can’t wear pants so
they say no women can’t wear pants so now I can’t even wear the kitten heels
now I can’t even wear the kitten heels
now I can’t even wear the kitten heels that are ridiculous and kind of fake it
that are ridiculous and kind of fake it
that are ridiculous and kind of fake it I have to wear a dress and remember
I have to wear a dress and remember
I have to wear a dress and remember leaving this job and just kind of being
leaving this job and just kind of being
leaving this job and just kind of being devastated how am i I can’t I can’t I
devastated how am i I can’t I can’t I
devastated how am i I can’t I can’t I can’t not like I can not at all and I
can’t not like I can not at all and I
can’t not like I can not at all and I remember going home and just kind of
remember going home and just kind of
remember going home and just kind of literally pacing around my house like I
literally pacing around my house like I
literally pacing around my house like I can’t do this and I called my former or
can’t do this and I called my former or
can’t do this and I called my former or future coworker and I said to her you
future coworker and I said to her you
future coworker and I said to her you know I can’t take this job I don’t know
know I can’t take this job I don’t know
know I can’t take this job I don’t know how I’m supposed to show up for these
how I’m supposed to show up for these
how I’m supposed to show up for these kids
kids
kids and give them a space where they feel
and give them a space where they feel
and give them a space where they feel like they matter tell them that their
like they matter tell them that their
like they matter tell them that their miracles tell them that they should be
miracles tell them that they should be
miracles tell them that they should be celebrated and be respectful to each
celebrated and be respectful to each
celebrated and be respectful to each other when I’m not even doing that for
other when I’m not even doing that for
other when I’m not even doing that for myself how am I supposed to tell them to
myself how am I supposed to tell them to
myself how am I supposed to tell them to do that and lead by an example the thing
do that and lead by an example the thing
do that and lead by an example the thing is it was terrifying for the first time
is it was terrifying for the first time
is it was terrifying for the first time in my life I said no to everybody else’s
in my life I said no to everybody else’s
in my life I said no to everybody else’s comforts and yet to me I stopped
comforts and yet to me I stopped
comforts and yet to me I stopped sacrificing my truth for someone else’s
sacrificing my truth for someone else’s
sacrificing my truth for someone else’s comforts you know what happened
comforts you know what happened
comforts you know what happened grace caught me for the first time
grace caught me for the first time
grace caught me for the first time someone gave me that bridge and someone
someone gave me that bridge and someone
someone gave me that bridge and someone allowed me to have my truth and it took
allowed me to have my truth and it took
allowed me to have my truth and it took me a while to kind of figure it out but
me a while to kind of figure it out but
me a while to kind of figure it out but it’s crazy to think about it now for
it’s crazy to think about it now for
it’s crazy to think about it now for three years I kind of wrestled it’s only
three years I kind of wrestled it’s only
three years I kind of wrestled it’s only been three years that I started to step
been three years that I started to step
been three years that I started to step into my skin to pick out my bow ties
into my skin to pick out my bow ties
into my skin to pick out my bow ties that I only tie I do not wear clip-ons I
that I only tie I do not wear clip-ons I
that I only tie I do not wear clip-ons I only tell my bow ties and then I finally
only tell my bow ties and then I finally
only tell my bow ties and then I finally got this space and again like I talked
got this space and again like I talked
got this space and again like I talked about the kids it’s simple for them so
about the kids it’s simple for them so
about the kids it’s simple for them so when I show up they don’t have questions
when I show up they don’t have questions
when I show up they don’t have questions really I had a co-worker tell me once
really I had a co-worker tell me once
really I had a co-worker tell me once they think it’s amazing and profound
they think it’s amazing and profound
they think it’s amazing and profound that the kids don’t tease me for
that the kids don’t tease me for
that the kids don’t tease me for dressing this way and I told her I don’t
dressing this way and I told her I don’t
dressing this way and I told her I don’t think they do because they know my truth
think they do because they know my truth
think they do because they know my truth kids know on an energetic level they
kids know on an energetic level they
kids know on an energetic level they know when you show up that you are
know when you show up that you are
know when you show up that you are showing who you are they know so if I
showing who you are they know so if I
showing who you are they know so if I would have showed up in a dress then I
would have showed up in a dress then I
would have showed up in a dress then I would have had to kick me sound on the
would have had to kick me sound on the
would have had to kick me sound on the back of my back but I didn’t and I was
back of my back but I didn’t and I was
back of my back but I didn’t and I was given this space and a chance to say yes
given this space and a chance to say yes
given this space and a chance to say yes to myself
to myself
to myself and I’ve been able to thrive Jimmy do
and I’ve been able to thrive Jimmy do
and I’ve been able to thrive Jimmy do I’m sure you do with a burden of having
I’m sure you do with a burden of having
I’m sure you do with a burden of having to hide something that you’re afraid of
to hide something that you’re afraid of
to hide something that you’re afraid of people to know how hard and heavy that
people to know how hard and heavy that
people to know how hard and heavy that is how draining and exhausting for the
is how draining and exhausting for the
is how draining and exhausting for the three years of my life those past three
three years of my life those past three
three years of my life those past three years have been able to thrive and to
years have been able to thrive and to
years have been able to thrive and to give people more and more grapes and now
give people more and more grapes and now
give people more and more grapes and now I’m learning in a tangible way what
I’m learning in a tangible way what
I’m learning in a tangible way what happens when you do that every single
happens when you do that every single
happens when you do that every single day in my job I get this opportunity to
day in my job I get this opportunity to
day in my job I get this opportunity to be that bridge that I needed and it’s
be that bridge that I needed and it’s
be that bridge that I needed and it’s awesome because you get to see what
awesome because you get to see what
awesome because you get to see what happens when you do give that to kids
happens when you do give that to kids
happens when you do give that to kids like I said it’s us as adults that have
like I said it’s us as adults that have
like I said it’s us as adults that have failed them we’re telling them what they
failed them we’re telling them what they
failed them we’re telling them what they should do but if you give them a space
should do but if you give them a space
should do but if you give them a space of grace oh my goodness the way they
of grace oh my goodness the way they
of grace oh my goodness the way they show up they’re respectful and honorable
show up they’re respectful and honorable
show up they’re respectful and honorable and they hold this integrity and they
and they hold this integrity and they
and they hold this integrity and they hold their heads held aye they carry
hold their heads held aye they carry
hold their heads held aye they carry themselves like they matter and isn’t at
themselves like they matter and isn’t at
themselves like they matter and isn’t at the point to celebrate each other as if
the point to celebrate each other as if
the point to celebrate each other as if we’re miracles and that we matter at
we’re miracles and that we matter at
we’re miracles and that we matter at once out of school at the end of this
once out of school at the end of this
once out of school at the end of this program we have ten weeks and at the end
program we have ten weeks and at the end
program we have ten weeks and at the end of it we
of it we
of it we we celebrate all the kids so everybody
we celebrate all the kids so everybody
we celebrate all the kids so everybody dance with everybody on stage we show
dance with everybody on stage we show
dance with everybody on stage we show them off we tell them to wear their best
them off we tell them to wear their best
them off we tell them to wear their best and when I told them to do that I had a
and when I told them to do that I had a
and when I told them to do that I had a little girl raised her hand and she said
little girl raised her hand and she said
little girl raised her hand and she said miss Jen I don’t think I can wear a
miss Jen I don’t think I can wear a
miss Jen I don’t think I can wear a dress I don’t think I feel very
dress I don’t think I feel very
dress I don’t think I feel very comfortable doing that and I said you
comfortable doing that and I said you
comfortable doing that and I said you know what that’s okay because at the end
know what that’s okay because at the end
know what that’s okay because at the end of the day this is my truth this is how
of the day this is my truth this is how
of the day this is my truth this is how I feel the most comfortable and you’re
I feel the most comfortable and you’re
I feel the most comfortable and you’re going to be successful if you can’t be
going to be successful if you can’t be
going to be successful if you can’t be your best self
your best self
your best self so whatever that means for you doesn’t
so whatever that means for you doesn’t
so whatever that means for you doesn’t matter your gender whatever whatever you
matter your gender whatever whatever you
matter your gender whatever whatever you want to wear that’s your truth that’s
want to wear that’s your truth that’s
want to wear that’s your truth that’s how you need to show up the kids left
how you need to show up the kids left
how you need to show up the kids left the class a mom volunteer pulled me
the class a mom volunteer pulled me
the class a mom volunteer pulled me aside she was not happy with what I said
aside she was not happy with what I said
aside she was not happy with what I said she said you know I just really have to
she said you know I just really have to
she said you know I just really have to tell you I disagree with what you said I
tell you I disagree with what you said I
tell you I disagree with what you said I said well that’s that’s fair you’re
said well that’s that’s fair you’re
said well that’s that’s fair you’re allowed why is that she said I just I
allowed why is that she said I just I
allowed why is that she said I just I think the girls look so nice when all of
think the girls look so nice when all of
think the girls look so nice when all of them have a dress up and they all looked
them have a dress up and they all looked
them have a dress up and they all looked the same and I said you know I really
the same and I said you know I really
the same and I said you know I really appreciate you feel that way I do
appreciate you feel that way I do
appreciate you feel that way I do however I was that little girl and I
however I was that little girl and I
however I was that little girl and I needed someone to be there for me needed
needed someone to be there for me needed
needed someone to be there for me needed someone to hold that space so I could
someone to hold that space so I could
someone to hold that space so I could wrestle with my truth and figure out
wrestle with my truth and figure out
wrestle with my truth and figure out what that meant because again we’re all
what that meant because again we’re all
what that meant because again we’re all constantly evolving and learning what
constantly evolving and learning what
constantly evolving and learning what that truth is right in every
that truth is right in every
that truth is right in every circumstance and situation but if we
circumstance and situation but if we
circumstance and situation but if we aren’t given that space that authentic
aren’t given that space that authentic
aren’t given that space that authentic space of grace how are we supposed to
space of grace how are we supposed to
space of grace how are we supposed to find our truth if we’re constantly
find our truth if we’re constantly
find our truth if we’re constantly afraid to show up think about the times
afraid to show up think about the times
afraid to show up think about the times when you go to a bar or if you’re at a
when you go to a bar or if you’re at a
when you go to a bar or if you’re at a happy hour or you’re doing something
happy hour or you’re doing something
happy hour or you’re doing something social and when you leave there feeling
social and when you leave there feeling
social and when you leave there feeling kind of not so good you feel like you
kind of not so good you feel like you
kind of not so good you feel like you really showed up do you feel like you’re
really showed up do you feel like you’re
really showed up do you feel like you’re connected to people you think you showed
connected to people you think you showed
connected to people you think you showed them your real truth do you think you
them your real truth do you think you
them your real truth do you think you showed them who you think they needed to
showed them who you think they needed to
showed them who you think they needed to see to like you what did you do you know
see to like you what did you do you know
see to like you what did you do you know what I’ve learned in this is that at the
what I’ve learned in this is that at the
what I’ve learned in this is that at the end of the day we’re all living from one
end of the day we’re all living from one
end of the day we’re all living from one of two emotions fear or love if you’re
of two emotions fear or love if you’re
of two emotions fear or love if you’re living from fear you have anxiety you’re
living from fear you have anxiety you’re
living from fear you have anxiety you’re nervous you’re afraid you’re defensive
nervous you’re afraid you’re defensive
nervous you’re afraid you’re defensive right you’re kind of pushing back you
right you’re kind of pushing back you
right you’re kind of pushing back you can’t connect but if you choose love man
can’t connect but if you choose love man
can’t connect but if you choose love man you connect and you feel this joy and
you connect and you feel this joy and
you connect and you feel this joy and you feel full you see the way that we
you feel full you see the way that we
you feel full you see the way that we matter and what I’ve learned is that if
matter and what I’ve learned is that if
matter and what I’ve learned is that if we live from love we start to see how
we live from love we start to see how
we live from love we start to see how connected we really are and how there’s
connected we really are and how there’s
connected we really are and how there’s no differences at all thank you
no differences at all thank you
no differences at all thank you you
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
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