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An Invitation to Empathize | Khayra Bundakji | TEDxAlhamraaWomen


hi everybody

hi everybody [Music]

[Music]

[Music] hold if I should speak inheritor

[Applause]

[Applause] hello indicator and another me

oh c’mon let me take your hand and then

oh c’mon let me take your hand and then Adam you think it is no wonder to ignore

Adam you think it is no wonder to ignore

Adam you think it is no wonder to ignore anything hadn’t destroyed okay mother

anything hadn’t destroyed okay mother

anything hadn’t destroyed okay mother needed more in the rear shade could

needed more in the rear shade could

needed more in the rear shade could murder I can inherit and nasca be a

murder I can inherit and nasca be a

murder I can inherit and nasca be a beautifully good mother but a world anew

beautifully good mother but a world anew

beautifully good mother but a world anew and become the Giga Adam Adam what a

and become the Giga Adam Adam what a

and become the Giga Adam Adam what a shine at me from the Ginga

I am the Giga and I can learn more of

I am the Giga and I can learn more of them Konami – amazing actually no more I

them Konami – amazing actually no more I

them Konami – amazing actually no more I have men stubbornly and MC I have broken

have men stubbornly and MC I have broken

have men stubbornly and MC I have broken Arabic because I lived most of my life

Arabic because I lived most of my life

Arabic because I lived most of my life out of the country I got most of my life

out of the country I got most of my life

out of the country I got most of my life on the country for a very good reason my

on the country for a very good reason my

on the country for a very good reason my brother when he was 3 years old was

brother when he was 3 years old was

brother when he was 3 years old was diagnosed with autism on the back fender

diagnosed with autism on the back fender

diagnosed with autism on the back fender and

and

and we all as a family had to be torn apart

we all as a family had to be torn apart

we all as a family had to be torn apart our traveling for me my brother my mom

our traveling for me my brother my mom

our traveling for me my brother my mom my dad my mom was exactly my age when

my dad my mom was exactly my age when

my dad my mom was exactly my age when she went on her own to the stage and my

she went on her own to the stage and my

she went on her own to the stage and my dad stayed in Saudi Arabia to support us

dad stayed in Saudi Arabia to support us

dad stayed in Saudi Arabia to support us I think we need this love of my life

I think we need this love of my life

I think we need this love of my life [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] means that Ramallah in the beginning he

means that Ramallah in the beginning he

means that Ramallah in the beginning he had seizures he had trouble reading

had seizures he had trouble reading

had seizures he had trouble reading facial expressions

facial expressions

facial expressions he had trouble understanding social

he had trouble understanding social

he had trouble understanding social views at the time and for all of those

views at the time and for all of those

views at the time and for all of those things I guess you could call it

things I guess you could call it

things I guess you could call it emotional intelligence or what we now

emotional intelligence or what we now

emotional intelligence or what we now call soft skills were a little bit

call soft skills were a little bit

call soft skills were a little bit lacking it was the best decision we ever

lacking it was the best decision we ever

lacking it was the best decision we ever made on a daily basis since the

made on a daily basis since the

made on a daily basis since the journalist the medication was working

journalist the medication was working

journalist the medication was working the therapy was encouraging you have to

the therapy was encouraging you have to

the therapy was encouraging you have to could express those emotions to us he

could express those emotions to us he

could express those emotions to us he would have that doing plate with kids

would have that doing plate with kids

would have that doing plate with kids instead of and nervous it was everything

instead of and nervous it was everything

instead of and nervous it was everything that we wanted it was worth it we were

that we wanted it was worth it we were

that we wanted it was worth it we were thrilled he was our miracle it was

thrilled he was our miracle it was

thrilled he was our miracle it was everything that we wanted for him to be

everything that we wanted for him to be

everything that we wanted for him to be able to do those things and it got to a

able to do those things and it got to a

able to do those things and it got to a point where it is not the region changed

point where it is not the region changed

point where it is not the region changed we left for the state because there

we left for the state because there

we left for the state because there wasn’t anything

wasn’t anything

wasn’t anything but then we heard about us opponent away

but then we heard about us opponent away

but then we heard about us opponent away that could give him the support he

that could give him the support he

that could give him the support he needed and our family of four that was

needed and our family of four that was

needed and our family of four that was torn apart turned into our whole family

torn apart turned into our whole family

torn apart turned into our whole family of five as we all move back to the back

of five as we all move back to the back

of five as we all move back to the back so in the way another one since the

so in the way another one since the

so in the way another one since the middle school I was mystified people in

middle school I was mystified people in

middle school I was mystified people in our team three years difference and I

our team three years difference and I

our team three years difference and I don’t know said the world if I couldn’t

don’t know said the world if I couldn’t

don’t know said the world if I couldn’t very different things from the both of

very different things from the both of

very different things from the both of us the world wanted me to be a lady but

us the world wanted me to be a lady but

us the world wanted me to be a lady but to need all the skills that I didn’t

to need all the skills that I didn’t

to need all the skills that I didn’t learn when it came to cooking and house

learn when it came to cooking and house

learn when it came to cooking and house management I don’t know any of those

management I don’t know any of those

management I don’t know any of those though and they wanted up the let’s be a

though and they wanted up the let’s be a

though and they wanted up the let’s be a man remember we talked about all those

man remember we talked about all those

man remember we talked about all those soft skills the things that made him our

soft skills the things that made him our

soft skills the things that made him our miracle those babies left society didn’t

miracle those babies left society didn’t

miracle those babies left society didn’t really care about it enough this opened

really care about it enough this opened

really care about it enough this opened him up to criticism at school all of the

him up to criticism at school all of the

him up to criticism at school all of the things that even friendlier and made

things that even friendlier and made

things that even friendlier and made them express himself or or the same

them express himself or or the same

them express himself or or the same things that made him a target of

things that made him a target of

things that made him a target of bullying unfortunately

bullying unfortunately

bullying unfortunately it just didn’t add up the disappearance

it just didn’t add up the disappearance

it just didn’t add up the disappearance these are the same kids that means that

these are the same kids that means that

these are the same kids that means that a couple go be friends with simply put

a couple go be friends with simply put

a couple go be friends with simply put yourself out there it didn’t work out he

yourself out there it didn’t work out he

yourself out there it didn’t work out he outgrew this school is the way and there

outgrew this school is the way and there

outgrew this school is the way and there was no school for him before high school

was no school for him before high school

was no school for him before high school so he on his own went off to the States

so he on his own went off to the States

so he on his own went off to the States for a boarding school that gave him the

for a boarding school that gave him the

for a boarding school that gave him the support needed and there in post 9/11

support needed and there in post 9/11

support needed and there in post 9/11 America every time he would walk into

America every time he would walk into

America every time he would walk into the airport he was about when security I

the airport he was about when security I

the airport he was about when security I can all the things we were so thrilled

can all the things we were so thrilled

can all the things we were so thrilled about that we learning how to be

about that we learning how to be

about that we learning how to be friendly how to express themselves how

friendly how to express themselves how

friendly how to express themselves how to be enthusiastic over all the things

to be enthusiastic over all the things

to be enthusiastic over all the things that we just I know that there’s the

that we just I know that there’s the

that we just I know that there’s the audience today I know that my mom and I

audience today I know that my mom and I

audience today I know that my mom and I do think when these are the things that

do think when these are the things that

do think when these are the things that we really was at some time and those

we really was at some time and those

we really was at some time and those were the things that encouraged me but

were the things that encouraged me but

were the things that encouraged me but in the thing hey that’s a little off

in the thing hey that’s a little off

in the thing hey that’s a little off than the little off because and

than the little off because and

than the little off because and everybody else is I am Eric Young Eric

everybody else is I am Eric Young Eric

everybody else is I am Eric Young Eric when Thompson Bernie

when Thompson Bernie

when Thompson Bernie Erin wasn’t an object of violence

Erin wasn’t an object of violence

Erin wasn’t an object of violence obviously he’s a young ever met

obviously he’s a young ever met

obviously he’s a young ever met he’s not a fella that we knew and were

he’s not a fella that we knew and were

he’s not a fella that we knew and were thrilled about now everything’s good

thrilled about now everything’s good

thrilled about now everything’s good enough we’re all back and just all back

enough we’re all back and just all back

enough we’re all back and just all back in Southie all going to learning Arabic

in Southie all going to learning Arabic

in Southie all going to learning Arabic and Allah works with me and that’s it as

and Allah works with me and that’s it as

and Allah works with me and that’s it as I mention he also had the sign job

I mention he also had the sign job

I mention he also had the sign job company and the chapter is closed right

company and the chapter is closed right

company and the chapter is closed right and when I think the chapters closed

and when I think the chapters closed

and when I think the chapters closed people think om the desert dogs intimate

people think om the desert dogs intimate

people think om the desert dogs intimate affair no that’s not what I’m saying

affair no that’s not what I’m saying

affair no that’s not what I’m saying the top fresh clothes on the pressures

the top fresh clothes on the pressures

the top fresh clothes on the pressures and expectations of society put on him

and expectations of society put on him

and expectations of society put on him as a man the pressures and expectations

as a man the pressures and expectations

as a man the pressures and expectations that we’ll have all the things that your

that we’ll have all the things that your

that we’ll have all the things that your family thought with America are not okay

family thought with America are not okay

family thought with America are not okay in our society and when I say our

in our society and when I say our

in our society and when I say our society I’m talking about me I’m talking

society I’m talking about me I’m talking

society I’m talking about me I’m talking about you talking about our families

about you talking about our families

about you talking about our families it’s not a big creature that’s far away

it’s not a big creature that’s far away

it’s not a big creature that’s far away from us and this same society is

from us and this same society is

from us and this same society is creating something from toxic

creating something from toxic

creating something from toxic masculinity it’s something that’s scary

masculinity it’s something that’s scary

masculinity it’s something that’s scary especially in this time we’re

especially in this time we’re

especially in this time we’re encouraging women to be empowered and we

encouraging women to be empowered and we

encouraging women to be empowered and we need to think to ourselves what are we

need to think to ourselves what are we

need to think to ourselves what are we doing to train our place to live up to

doing to train our place to live up to

doing to train our place to live up to this new future we’re only telling boys

this new future we’re only telling boys

this new future we’re only telling boys to be the winner be on top to be heroic

to be the winner be on top to be heroic

to be the winner be on top to be heroic be the only guy to be the protector

be the only guy to be the protector

be the only guy to be the protector it’s a pedestal that we put them on

it’s a pedestal that we put them on

it’s a pedestal that we put them on that’s really hard to fail so you’re

that’s really hard to fail so you’re

that’s really hard to fail so you’re telling me they haven’t provided for

telling me they haven’t provided for

telling me they haven’t provided for everybody but they can’t ask for help

everybody but they can’t ask for help

everybody but they can’t ask for help they can’t talk about their feelings I

they can’t talk about their feelings I

they can’t talk about their feelings I have no idea what’s going on in your

have no idea what’s going on in your

have no idea what’s going on in your wife’s right now I don’t know if this is

wife’s right now I don’t know if this is

wife’s right now I don’t know if this is a new concept if I’m saying something

a new concept if I’m saying something

a new concept if I’m saying something that you believe in as men but I hope

they’re there to protect but they’re not

they’re there to protect but they’re not able to staying with me they’re done

able to staying with me they’re done

able to staying with me they’re done protecting they’re told that they’re

protecting they’re told that they’re

protecting they’re told that they’re supposed to be loving fathers and the

supposed to be loving fathers and the

supposed to be loving fathers and the best husbands that show affection and

best husbands that show affection and

best husbands that show affection and love but they never told how to do that

love but they never told how to do that

love but they never told how to do that in our systematic way of raising for you

in our systematic way of raising for you

in our systematic way of raising for you they’re not given the tools quite

they’re not given the tools quite

they’re not given the tools quite frankly today when you walk into any

frankly today when you walk into any

frankly today when you walk into any interview what are you’re not

interview what are you’re not

interview what are you’re not interesting about they’re talking about

interesting about they’re talking about

interesting about they’re talking about those soft skills you have the ability

those soft skills you have the ability

those soft skills you have the ability to collaborate you have that ability to

to collaborate you have that ability to

to collaborate you have that ability to cooperate

cooperate

cooperate do you have an enmity these are things

do you have an enmity these are things

do you have an enmity these are things that girls learn the cementec system in

that girls learn the cementec system in

that girls learn the cementec system in the system of how we raise girls

the system of how we raise girls

the system of how we raise girls we learned it through taking care of our

we learned it through taking care of our

we learned it through taking care of our little baby dolls it’s very hard to

little baby dolls it’s very hard to

little baby dolls it’s very hard to teach those things through plastic guns

teach those things through plastic guns

teach those things through plastic guns or cars you know what I mean

to highlight this example when we talk

to highlight this example when we talk about the newest man in my life my

about the newest man in my life my

about the newest man in my life my husband dr. Ogden making Jamaa me as a

husband dr. Ogden making Jamaa me as a

husband dr. Ogden making Jamaa me as a person

me as a person I’m impatient I’m quick

me as a person I’m impatient I’m quick to anger I can’t want my time just like

to anger I can’t want my time just like

to anger I can’t want my time just like I can’t do it and I’m hanok in times of

I can’t do it and I’m hanok in times of

I can’t do it and I’m hanok in times of emergency doctor I’ve been taking no

emergency doctor I’ve been taking no

emergency doctor I’ve been taking no mojado is a writer to tell the best

mojado is a writer to tell the best

mojado is a writer to tell the best bedtime stories he’s a musician you

bedtime stories he’s a musician you

bedtime stories he’s a musician you would create the most creative sing

would create the most creative sing

would create the most creative sing along with ever he’s a doctor he’s the

along with ever he’s a doctor he’s the

along with ever he’s a doctor he’s the person in call when you panic and yet

person in call when you panic and yet

person in call when you panic and yet with all of these attributes that we

with all of these attributes that we

with all of these attributes that we both have never in my lifetime are we

both have never in my lifetime are we

both have never in my lifetime are we going to be allowed to live a life where

going to be allowed to live a life where

going to be allowed to live a life where he stays at home with the children

he stays at home with the children

he stays at home with the children raising amazing adults because he has

raising amazing adults because he has

raising amazing adults because he has that skill set and for me to go out

that skill set and for me to go out

that skill set and for me to go out homework it’s just not going to happen

homework it’s just not going to happen

homework it’s just not going to happen just because of the constraints of

just because of the constraints of

just because of the constraints of society it’s not a matter of our

society it’s not a matter of our

society it’s not a matter of our capabilities it’s not a matter of what

capabilities it’s not a matter of what

capabilities it’s not a matter of what we wanted to do it’s just what would

we wanted to do it’s just what would

we wanted to do it’s just what would people

and then having here today and live it

and then having here today and live it up let’s talk about authenticity a

up let’s talk about authenticity a

up let’s talk about authenticity a nurturing person who loves children and

nurturing person who loves children and

nurturing person who loves children and childhood education be a stay-at-home

childhood education be a stay-at-home

childhood education be a stay-at-home parent if you’re an analytical Frenchman

parent if you’re an analytical Frenchman

parent if you’re an analytical Frenchman who loves numbers and loves pressure

who loves numbers and loves pressure

who loves numbers and loves pressure works to be a CFO if you love expressing

works to be a CFO if you love expressing

works to be a CFO if you love expressing yourself through art be an artist aren’t

yourself through art be an artist aren’t

yourself through art be an artist aren’t being done trying to live up to what

being done trying to live up to what

being done trying to live up to what people will think when it doesn’t fit

people will think when it doesn’t fit

people will think when it doesn’t fit booming art I think that’s what they do

booming art I think that’s what they do

booming art I think that’s what they do in spreading and I hope you understood

in spreading and I hope you understood

in spreading and I hope you understood what I think

what I think

what I think [Applause]

”

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