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After my husband was murdered | Dionne Wilson | TEDxSanQuentin


Translator: Yesmin Mohyeldin Checker: Ayman Mahmoud

On 25 July 2005

My life has changed forever

I went to bed that night, my children were asleep

My husband “Dan” was a police officer who was abroad doing his job

Works in the evening in San Leonardo, California

We had just celebrated the birth of my 15 children the day before

Our 6-year-old daughter was the happiest girl on earth

But at one o’clock in the morning the clicks came on the door

She informs me of my husband’s death

By three friends close to us

Who were working with him that night

And a whole world crash

I went to bed and I believe that this tragedy will not affect

But I woke up to a terrible new reality

Before that happens

I thought I knew how public safety looked

I thought as long as the prisons were full, we were safe

I did not know who the criminals really were

But I was sure that their place was in prison forever

After Dan’s death, I learned that I was right

When Arving Ramirez was convicted of killing “Dan”

She pleaded with the jury to sentence him to death

He was sentenced to do so

I begged to get that punishment motivated by anger, I wanted revenge

“Irving”

But I did that also because many people told me

The death penalty will cure your sickness

But in the end they were not

When the joy of winning the verdict was over

He was replaced by extreme misery

I had no idea what to do

So, over the next few years I was looking for answers

I learned that our system fails

Almost routinely on almost all levels

I am among them, even though I got what I wanted

But I’m beginning to give up hope of reaching an answer

After that, the project of the prison of Al-Basira was presented.

They asked me to come and share my story with a group of women

Who serve life sentences for murder

I accepted the invitation, but I was afraid to go to jail

I had no idea what to expect

I thought they were Sicilian and I lived until I met them

It turned out that many of them were like me

I did not expect to communicate with these women the way I did

I did not expect to see myself in their stories

I did not expect to cry with them that way

Because of this experience I learned that the key is healing

He was in contact with people who had done a great deal of damage

They were learning to find their humanity

For at that time, I was the one who lost them

Now, think the most responsible thing about

My feelings for love and empathy

Understanding and tolerance

It is a search for healing in the misery and death of another human being

(clap)

Everything was clear at that moment that more suffering was not the answer

But what happened with them for me was the answer

The work done by men and women “IPP” group education of victims and perpetrators of imprisonment

Deep and very effective.

It took about a year and a half of hard work

Who explored the impact of their crimes.

And how to be truly responsible for his actions

And building compassion for the victims

And ultimately recover from all unresolved shocks

This is very important

Because everyone in prison today will never be there

More than 90 percent of them will return to their homes one day

They will be next to someone

This will not scare me now, because I knew they were in the VOEG healing group

Or one of the great programs that exist in jail

Because I strongly believe that these programs contribute to public security

I know it was real for me

Because watching people turn through this wonderful work

I totally despaired of seeing Irving die and I could not do it completely

If people have told me ten years ago that I am

I will be with IPP and become a member

I go to prison every Saturday

I work with a group of men serving a life sentence

I find my healing in this process.

Shops

I can never imagine it becoming a reality

But here I am

(clap)

I never thought

Li will have the opportunity to experience this phase of emotional therapy

Or support the healing of others

I never thought I would see people bled by anger and fear

From trauma that has not yet healed and then become healers for others

It was a very wonderful experience

I am very grateful.

But it can not stand for me and the other volunteers

In this prison who love this work

This is really a sad thing

These programs are very rare

Outside the city of San Quentin we need to change that.

But the way I see it, there are three different groups of people

Who have the strongest ability to influence the return of people to their homes from prisons

They are lawmakers, prison managers and society.

For legislators ask you to develop intelligent justice policies

Reduce prison and determine the real motives of the crimes

Such as poverty, addiction and mental health problems

And unresolved shocks

(clap)

The era of “aggravated punishment”

Which has pledged to achieve public security and failed completely

Everyone knows there is a flaw in the system

We are ready for a new direction

And for prison administrators

I ask you to remain consistent

On programs such as Project Insight Prison

And other prison programs.

Set them up in other prisons and make them available

These programs help to increase security in prisons

And reduce the violence of prisoners

And turning the lives of people inside and outside the prison

Remained consistent

To the media who wish to display the work they are doing and the lives that have changed

This is necessary for people to know what is happening here

I ask you to explore new ways to allow prisoners to reconnect

With their families and rehabilitate them and become contributors to their role

Not only with prisoners

But with people like me who are victims of crimes

Your decision here affects what will happen abroad

(clap)

Finally, the community.

I ask you to set aside everything you think you have learned

For prisoners, just be curious

I ask you to ignore the harm they caused: I will not do that

I ask you to be open to possibility

Make their change

I did

I ask you to remain open to the truth of salvation that can happen

Finally, I ask you to forgive

But not the way you think

Ask to allow the prisoners

To pay the price

That’s why we send them to jail, right?

(clap)

They were incarcerated in prison to pay us for their actions

But the only problem is that it does not happen

I did not know that the stigma lasted forever, until I met

People who have served their sentences are now in prison

They do wonderful things in the world

And then watch them being stopped and marginalized at every turn

Whatever they did

Criminal convictions eliminate access to safe housing and employment

Mental health and mental rehabilitation services

When we put obstacles in front of people trying

Take responsibility and become an active member of society

We send them to their failure and in the end we all lose

I really believe that the goal of public security can be achieved

Without rupturing each other

But it will all require us to work together to get rid of harm

And to heal

We can do better than that, we must.

Thank you so much

(clap)

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