many of us from time to time when we’re still enough to notice realize that
still enough to notice realize that
still enough to notice realize that we’re not living up to all that we can
we’re not living up to all that we can
we’re not living up to all that we can be we like to blame it on lack of money
be we like to blame it on lack of money
be we like to blame it on lack of money or lack of time opportunities
or lack of time opportunities
or lack of time opportunities connections intelligence even good looks
connections intelligence even good looks
connections intelligence even good looks but in my work as a leadership
but in my work as a leadership
but in my work as a leadership facilitator and coach and in dealing
facilitator and coach and in dealing
facilitator and coach and in dealing with myself I see a much more insidious
with myself I see a much more insidious
with myself I see a much more insidious reason at play you see the reason that I
reason at play you see the reason that I
reason at play you see the reason that I haven’t always lived up to my potential
haven’t always lived up to my potential
haven’t always lived up to my potential that I haven’t shown up fully in all I
that I haven’t shown up fully in all I
that I haven’t shown up fully in all I am and all I think and all I can do is
am and all I think and all I can do is
am and all I think and all I can do is you yeah you it’s actually your fault
you yeah you it’s actually your fault
you yeah you it’s actually your fault because you see I needed you to like me
because you see I needed you to like me
because you see I needed you to like me to approve of me to think that what I
to approve of me to think that what I
to approve of me to think that what I was doing was great I needed you not to
was doing was great I needed you not to
was doing was great I needed you not to reject me not to judge me and certainly
reject me not to judge me and certainly
reject me not to judge me and certainly not to talk about me behind my back am I
not to talk about me behind my back am I
not to talk about me behind my back am I need of you to approve of me has been
need of you to approve of me has been
need of you to approve of me has been the most disempowering element in my
the most disempowering element in my
the most disempowering element in my life when I came to realize was this the
life when I came to realize was this the
life when I came to realize was this the person who has disempowered me most is
person who has disempowered me most is
person who has disempowered me most is me and I suspect I’m not alone in being
me and I suspect I’m not alone in being
me and I suspect I’m not alone in being my own greatest saboteur psychologists
my own greatest saboteur psychologists
my own greatest saboteur psychologists have a name for this need for approval
have a name for this need for approval
have a name for this need for approval in its most extreme form codependency
in its most extreme form codependency
in its most extreme form codependency and although that has been my addiction
and although that has been my addiction
and although that has been my addiction of choice perhaps it’s a little strong
of choice perhaps it’s a little strong
of choice perhaps it’s a little strong for you to relate to so let’s think of
for you to relate to so let’s think of
for you to relate to so let’s think of it as an approval addiction and consider
it as an approval addiction and consider
it as an approval addiction and consider how it might be impacting your life
how it might be impacting your life
how it might be impacting your life limiting it and causing you to kill off
limiting it and causing you to kill off
limiting it and causing you to kill off your dreams drawing from a great body of
your dreams drawing from a great body of
your dreams drawing from a great body of research that I’ve done for personal and
research that I’ve done for personal and
research that I’ve done for personal and professional reasons the most critical
professional reasons the most critical
professional reasons the most critical feature that I see about an approval
feature that I see about an approval
feature that I see about an approval addiction is a tendency to live from an
addiction is a tendency to live from an
addiction is a tendency to live from an external reference point rather than an
external reference point rather than an
external reference point rather than an internal one and when we can learn to
internal one and when we can learn to
internal one and when we can learn to live more internally reference we become
live more internally reference we become
live more internally reference we become empowered to own our lives and to take
empowered to own our lives and to take
empowered to own our lives and to take responsibility for create
responsibility for create
responsibility for create the outcomes that we really want so
the outcomes that we really want so
the outcomes that we really want so people who live from an external
people who live from an external
people who live from an external reference have a very adaptive sense of
reference have a very adaptive sense of
reference have a very adaptive sense of self like a chameleon they morph into
self like a chameleon they morph into
self like a chameleon they morph into whoever you want them to be they need
whoever you want them to be they need
whoever you want them to be they need others to help them feel good and to to
others to help them feel good and to to
others to help them feel good and to to be able to feel strong in situations
be able to feel strong in situations
be able to feel strong in situations when they make decisions they’re looking
when they make decisions they’re looking
when they make decisions they’re looking to earn other people’s approval and they
to earn other people’s approval and they
to earn other people’s approval and they create dependent or co-dependent
create dependent or co-dependent
create dependent or co-dependent relationships up until about six years
relationships up until about six years
relationships up until about six years ago that was my frame the way that I
ago that was my frame the way that I
ago that was my frame the way that I viewed my world I worked really hard to
viewed my world I worked really hard to
viewed my world I worked really hard to be the same as others from ordering the
be the same as others from ordering the
be the same as others from ordering the same meal when we went to a restaurant
same meal when we went to a restaurant
same meal when we went to a restaurant to never being the first to offer an
to never being the first to offer an
to never being the first to offer an opinion or state of preference for me
opinion or state of preference for me
opinion or state of preference for me difference equal danger it was risky if
difference equal danger it was risky if
difference equal danger it was risky if I was different from you then you might
I was different from you then you might
I was different from you then you might not approve of me what I realized was
not approve of me what I realized was
not approve of me what I realized was that in contrast a person who lives from
that in contrast a person who lives from
that in contrast a person who lives from an internal reference point they have a
an internal reference point they have a
an internal reference point they have a strong and separate sense of self they
strong and separate sense of self they
strong and separate sense of self they rely on themselves to meet their own
rely on themselves to meet their own
rely on themselves to meet their own needs and their self confident they make
needs and their self confident they make
needs and their self confident they make decisions based on their own values and
decisions based on their own values and
decisions based on their own values and on the evidence that’s available to them
on the evidence that’s available to them
on the evidence that’s available to them and they create interdependent
and they create interdependent
and they create interdependent relationships think of someone you
relationships think of someone you
relationships think of someone you admire the most do they have a sense of
admire the most do they have a sense of
admire the most do they have a sense of individual agency that they could take
individual agency that they could take
individual agency that they could take actions and make choices did you notice
actions and make choices did you notice
actions and make choices did you notice an alignment between what they did with
an alignment between what they did with
an alignment between what they did with who they were unfettered by others
who they were unfettered by others
who they were unfettered by others expectations now of course we all like
expectations now of course we all like
expectations now of course we all like to be approved of and some level of
to be approved of and some level of
to be approved of and some level of eternal validation is good for us but
eternal validation is good for us but
eternal validation is good for us but when it becomes an addiction the guiding
when it becomes an addiction the guiding
when it becomes an addiction the guiding principle of our life then it becomes
principle of our life then it becomes
principle of our life then it becomes dangerous and the costs become
dangerous and the costs become
dangerous and the costs become considerable and we feel them at
considerable and we feel them at
considerable and we feel them at personal organizational and even
personal organizational and even
personal organizational and even cultural levels so at the personal level
cultural levels so at the personal level
cultural levels so at the personal level what is the cost well difference in
what is the cost well difference in
what is the cost well difference in failure feel dangerous for purse for
failure feel dangerous for purse for
failure feel dangerous for purse for approval addicts
approval addicts
approval addicts we have dreams and aspirations but it’s
we have dreams and aspirations but it’s
we have dreams and aspirations but it’s easier to hide and use self-sabotage
easier to hide and use self-sabotage
easier to hide and use self-sabotage strategies we procrastinate we hired and
strategies we procrastinate we hired and
strategies we procrastinate we hired and we let our dreams lie dormant it took me
we let our dreams lie dormant it took me
we let our dreams lie dormant it took me six months to put up a Facebook page for
six months to put up a Facebook page for
six months to put up a Facebook page for my business because what if I put myself
my business because what if I put myself
my business because what if I put myself out there and I failed or even worse
out there and I failed or even worse
out there and I failed or even worse what if I succeeded what would people
what if I succeeded what would people
what if I succeeded what would people think how would they judge me then
think how would they judge me then
think how would they judge me then approval addicts often have
approval addicts often have
approval addicts often have perfectionistic standards as well so we
perfectionistic standards as well so we
perfectionistic standards as well so we never allow ourselves to experience
never allow ourselves to experience
never allow ourselves to experience success because no matter how hard and
success because no matter how hard and
success because no matter how hard and how well we do it’s not quite good
how well we do it’s not quite good
how well we do it’s not quite good enough and on those rare occasions when
enough and on those rare occasions when
enough and on those rare occasions when we unquestionably do succeed we
we unquestionably do succeed we
we unquestionably do succeed we attribute it to someone or something
attribute it to someone or something
attribute it to someone or something else or we just don’t acknowledge it so
else or we just don’t acknowledge it so
else or we just don’t acknowledge it so we rip ourselves off from getting that
we rip ourselves off from getting that
we rip ourselves off from getting that boost that self-confidence to our
boost that self-confidence to our
boost that self-confidence to our self-confidence that feeling success
self-confidence that feeling success
self-confidence that feeling success brings it affects our relationships as
brings it affects our relationships as
brings it affects our relationships as well it’s hard to achieve true intimacy
well it’s hard to achieve true intimacy
well it’s hard to achieve true intimacy when we’re not turning up as our
when we’re not turning up as our
when we’re not turning up as our authentic selves but we’re focused
authentic selves but we’re focused
authentic selves but we’re focused instead on meeting other people’s needs
instead on meeting other people’s needs
instead on meeting other people’s needs it’s an exhausting way to live it causes
it’s an exhausting way to live it causes
it’s an exhausting way to live it causes us to settle for less our creativity and
us to settle for less our creativity and
us to settle for less our creativity and our brilliance is diluted we turn up a
our brilliance is diluted we turn up a
our brilliance is diluted we turn up a vanilla version of our true selves in
vanilla version of our true selves in
vanilla version of our true selves in organizations our leaders and our team
organizations our leaders and our team
organizations our leaders and our team suffer because of an approval addiction
suffer because of an approval addiction
suffer because of an approval addiction it’s my strong belief that we know that
it’s my strong belief that we know that
it’s my strong belief that we know that we lead from who we are not from what we
we lead from who we are not from what we
we lead from who we are not from what we know we can know the latest theory we
know we can know the latest theory we
know we can know the latest theory we can have learnt from the best leadership
can have learnt from the best leadership
can have learnt from the best leadership gurus but it’s what we believe about
gurus but it’s what we believe about
gurus but it’s what we believe about ourselves that really matters if we’re
ourselves that really matters if we’re
ourselves that really matters if we’re motivated by trying to keep others happy
motivated by trying to keep others happy
motivated by trying to keep others happy or by earning their approval or through
or by earning their approval or through
or by earning their approval or through setting unrealistically high standards
setting unrealistically high standards
setting unrealistically high standards then that will define our leadership and
then that will define our leadership and
then that will define our leadership and limit our effectiveness in my work with
limit our effectiveness in my work with
limit our effectiveness in my work with coaching clients particularly my women
coaching clients particularly my women
coaching clients particularly my women clients I see a lot of negative outcomes
clients I see a lot of negative outcomes
clients I see a lot of negative outcomes from procrastination to avoidance of
from procrastination to avoidance of
from procrastination to avoidance of conflict to reluctance to delegate to
conflict to reluctance to delegate to
conflict to reluctance to delegate to over collaboration and indecisiveness
over collaboration and indecisiveness
over collaboration and indecisiveness this causes us to limit the way that we
this causes us to limit the way that we
this causes us to limit the way that we leave
leadership we are experiencing a global
leadership we are experiencing a global leadership crisis right now are we and I
leadership crisis right now are we and I
leadership crisis right now are we and I wonder what if the leadership talent
wonder what if the leadership talent
wonder what if the leadership talent that we exist that we need already
that we exist that we need already
that we exist that we need already exists but people are afraid to put
exists but people are afraid to put
exists but people are afraid to put themselves out there what if that
themselves out there what if that
themselves out there what if that potential leader we need is you in teams
potential leader we need is you in teams
potential leader we need is you in teams approval addicts show up as well we’re
approval addicts show up as well we’re
approval addicts show up as well we’re often unwilling to speak up when our
often unwilling to speak up when our
often unwilling to speak up when our boundaries are invaded so we allow
boundaries are invaded so we allow
boundaries are invaded so we allow conflict to fester we find it really
conflict to fester we find it really
conflict to fester we find it really hard to say no so we take on more and
hard to say no so we take on more and
hard to say no so we take on more and more work but end up feeling more and
more work but end up feeling more and
more work but end up feeling more and more resentful eventually burning out we
more resentful eventually burning out we
more resentful eventually burning out we also don’t like to share new and
also don’t like to share new and
also don’t like to share new and untested ideas because what if nobody
untested ideas because what if nobody
untested ideas because what if nobody likes them but we need those ideas for
likes them but we need those ideas for
likes them but we need those ideas for creativity and innovation at a cultural
creativity and innovation at a cultural
creativity and innovation at a cultural level we’re increasingly experiencing
level we’re increasingly experiencing
level we’re increasingly experiencing pressure to conform and to perform and
pressure to conform and to perform and
pressure to conform and to perform and to meet some externally defined
to meet some externally defined
to meet some externally defined standards our elevated benchmark serve
standards our elevated benchmark serve
standards our elevated benchmark serve brilliant careers supermodel looks
brilliant careers supermodel looks
brilliant careers supermodel looks designer houses the latest and greatest
designer houses the latest and greatest
designer houses the latest and greatest in material and technological
in material and technological
in material and technological possessions leave most of us feeling
possessions leave most of us feeling
possessions leave most of us feeling like we just will never make it a recent
like we just will never make it a recent
like we just will never make it a recent study found that sixty-nine percent of
study found that sixty-nine percent of
study found that sixty-nine percent of women and sixty-five percent of girls I
women and sixty-five percent of girls I
women and sixty-five percent of girls I experiencing increased pressure too
experiencing increased pressure too
experiencing increased pressure too because of media and advertising to
because of media and advertising to
because of media and advertising to conform to some unrealistic standard of
conform to some unrealistic standard of
conform to some unrealistic standard of beauty and it’s generating this
beauty and it’s generating this
beauty and it’s generating this widespread appearance anxiety and I
widespread appearance anxiety and I
widespread appearance anxiety and I don’t think it’s any different for our
don’t think it’s any different for our
don’t think it’s any different for our boys and young men either without always
boys and young men either without always
boys and young men either without always on social media culture constantly
on social media culture constantly
on social media culture constantly bombarding us with messages about how we
bombarding us with messages about how we
bombarding us with messages about how we should look if we want to be considered
should look if we want to be considered
should look if we want to be considered okay it’s a lot to live with and what
okay it’s a lot to live with and what
okay it’s a lot to live with and what about the cost when all our effort and
about the cost when all our effort and
about the cost when all our effort and focus is directed towards meeting these
focus is directed towards meeting these
focus is directed towards meeting these external measures of success I wonder
external measures of success I wonder
external measures of success I wonder what ideas what innovations what
what ideas what innovations what
what ideas what innovations what solutions are left undiscovered to some
solutions are left undiscovered to some
solutions are left undiscovered to some of our biggest so
of our biggest so
of our biggest so your environmental health issues because
your environmental health issues because
your environmental health issues because we are otherwise occupied so what can we
we are otherwise occupied so what can we
we are otherwise occupied so what can we do can we actually deal with our
do can we actually deal with our
do can we actually deal with our approval addiction can we change can we
approval addiction can we change can we
approval addiction can we change can we become more internally referenced well
become more internally referenced well
become more internally referenced well yes we can how do we do that well it’s
yes we can how do we do that well it’s
yes we can how do we do that well it’s one step at a time first we have to
one step at a time first we have to
one step at a time first we have to notice it to peel back the denial stare
notice it to peel back the denial stare
notice it to peel back the denial stare it in the eye and acknowledge the extent
it in the eye and acknowledge the extent
it in the eye and acknowledge the extent to which an approval addiction could be
to which an approval addiction could be
to which an approval addiction could be limiting your life for some of us is not
limiting your life for some of us is not
limiting your life for some of us is not a major deal it shows up every now and
a major deal it shows up every now and
a major deal it shows up every now and then but you know we can handle it but
then but you know we can handle it but
then but you know we can handle it but for others of us making this change is a
for others of us making this change is a
for others of us making this change is a monumental shift for me it took a crisis
monumental shift for me it took a crisis
monumental shift for me it took a crisis for self-awareness to kick in about six
for self-awareness to kick in about six
for self-awareness to kick in about six years ago my perfect looking world came
years ago my perfect looking world came
years ago my perfect looking world came crumbling down everything that I’d
crumbling down everything that I’d
crumbling down everything that I’d invested my identity in was under threat
invested my identity in was under threat
invested my identity in was under threat I was married her mother a pasta
I was married her mother a pasta
I was married her mother a pasta financially secure and although
financially secure and although
financially secure and although underneath all of that my life was
underneath all of that my life was
underneath all of that my life was incredibly challenging I kind of
incredibly challenging I kind of
incredibly challenging I kind of understood it and I knew how to be in it
understood it and I knew how to be in it
understood it and I knew how to be in it and then everything that mattered was
and then everything that mattered was
and then everything that mattered was stripped away my marriage was over my
stripped away my marriage was over my
stripped away my marriage was over my intact family was gone and everything
intact family was gone and everything
intact family was gone and everything changed in a moment all of a sudden
changed in a moment all of a sudden
changed in a moment all of a sudden everything that I had hidden from
everything that I had hidden from
everything that I had hidden from confronted me all those years of not
confronted me all those years of not
confronted me all those years of not speaking up of minimizing my hurt and
speaking up of minimizing my hurt and
speaking up of minimizing my hurt and trying to protect the ones that I love
trying to protect the ones that I love
trying to protect the ones that I love from experiencing pain confronted me all
from experiencing pain confronted me all
from experiencing pain confronted me all at once and in the end I failed
at once and in the end I failed
at once and in the end I failed spectacularly are trying to fix somebody
spectacularly are trying to fix somebody
spectacularly are trying to fix somebody else’s life as we always will and in
else’s life as we always will and in
else’s life as we always will and in protecting my loved ones from pain I was
protecting my loved ones from pain I was
protecting my loved ones from pain I was aware at that time that my mental health
aware at that time that my mental health
aware at that time that my mental health could be at risk and somehow I had to
could be at risk and somehow I had to
could be at risk and somehow I had to turn my business from a hobby into a
turn my business from a hobby into a
turn my business from a hobby into a money-making machine I was also
money-making machine I was also
money-making machine I was also completing a master’s degree
completing a master’s degree
completing a master’s degree and then there were the teenagers but
and then there were the teenagers but
and then there were the teenagers but that is another story i felt absolutely
that is another story i felt absolutely
that is another story i felt absolutely and completely flattened picture a two
and completely flattened picture a two
and completely flattened picture a two dimensional coyote smeared on the
dimensional coyote smeared on the
dimensional coyote smeared on the highway head slightly raised gasping for
highway head slightly raised gasping for
highway head slightly raised gasping for air and Roadrunner atop a steamroller
air and Roadrunner atop a steamroller
air and Roadrunner atop a steamroller sort of smiling and waving as he drives
sort of smiling and waving as he drives
sort of smiling and waving as he drives away beebeep that was me I recognized
away beebeep that was me I recognized
away beebeep that was me I recognized that my approval addiction had
that my approval addiction had
that my approval addiction had contributed to where I was and that that
contributed to where I was and that that
contributed to where I was and that that same way of thinking wasn’t going to
same way of thinking wasn’t going to
same way of thinking wasn’t going to allow me to rebuild in ways that were
allow me to rebuild in ways that were
allow me to rebuild in ways that were healthy for me or my four sons did I
healthy for me or my four sons did I
healthy for me or my four sons did I mention they were teenage boys yep it
mention they were teenage boys yep it
mention they were teenage boys yep it had to fight it had to change and fast
had to fight it had to change and fast
had to fight it had to change and fast so I want to share with you three shifts
so I want to share with you three shifts
so I want to share with you three shifts that I made that were really essential
that I made that were really essential
that I made that were really essential for me to be able to deal with this way
for me to be able to deal with this way
for me to be able to deal with this way of thinking the first shift was to
of thinking the first shift was to
of thinking the first shift was to realize that i own my self-esteem
realize that i own my self-esteem
realize that i own my self-esteem nathaniel branden who’s an expert in
nathaniel branden who’s an expert in
nathaniel branden who’s an expert in self-esteem says this of all the
self-esteem says this of all the
self-esteem says this of all the judgments that we pass in life none are
judgments that we pass in life none are
judgments that we pass in life none are more important than the judgment we pass
more important than the judgment we pass
more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves our self-esteem is simply
on ourselves our self-esteem is simply
on ourselves our self-esteem is simply the way that we judge our worth and it’s
the way that we judge our worth and it’s
the way that we judge our worth and it’s the most important judgment because it
the most important judgment because it
the most important judgment because it determines who we will be and the way
determines who we will be and the way
determines who we will be and the way that we’re going to live our lives like
that we’re going to live our lives like
that we’re going to live our lives like many I had delegated that responsibility
many I had delegated that responsibility
many I had delegated that responsibility to other people to determine my worth
to other people to determine my worth
to other people to determine my worth and I knew that if I didn’t settle that
and I knew that if I didn’t settle that
and I knew that if I didn’t settle that question for myself then I would always
question for myself then I would always
question for myself then I would always be asking it and looking to others to
be asking it and looking to others to
be asking it and looking to others to provide the answer
I came to understand that my self-esteem
I came to understand that my self-esteem was not defined by my performance or my
was not defined by my performance or my
was not defined by my performance or my achievements not by my failures or my
achievements not by my failures or my
achievements not by my failures or my mistakes not by my kindest fans or by my
mistakes not by my kindest fans or by my
mistakes not by my kindest fans or by my harshest critics my self-esteem was
harshest critics my self-esteem was
harshest critics my self-esteem was defined by my humanity I remember as a
defined by my humanity I remember as a
defined by my humanity I remember as a child visiting a country hospital to
child visiting a country hospital to
child visiting a country hospital to welcome a new cousin and there were the
welcome a new cousin and there were the
welcome a new cousin and there were the babies all lined up in neat little rows
babies all lined up in neat little rows
babies all lined up in neat little rows dressed identically wrapped identically
dressed identically wrapped identically
dressed identically wrapped identically there were no clues as to their
there were no clues as to their
there were no clues as to their socioeconomic background how much they
socioeconomic background how much they
socioeconomic background how much they were wanted what their IQ was what kind
were wanted what their IQ was what kind
were wanted what their IQ was what kind of future was ahead of them yet each
of future was ahead of them yet each
of future was ahead of them yet each possessed amazing intrinsic value just
possessed amazing intrinsic value just
possessed amazing intrinsic value just because they existed that was you once
because they existed that was you once
because they existed that was you once and that is you now the second shift I
and that is you now the second shift I
and that is you now the second shift I made was to realize that I choose the
made was to realize that I choose the
made was to realize that I choose the voices in my head imagine a commentary
voices in my head imagine a commentary
voices in my head imagine a commentary box at a sporting event the commentator
box at a sporting event the commentator
box at a sporting event the commentator sits in front of this big glass window
sits in front of this big glass window
sits in front of this big glass window which gives them a perfect vantage point
which gives them a perfect vantage point
which gives them a perfect vantage point to view to observe to interpret and to
to view to observe to interpret and to
to view to observe to interpret and to report on what’s happening on the pitch
report on what’s happening on the pitch
report on what’s happening on the pitch below and they often not alone there are
below and they often not alone there are
below and they often not alone there are experts in there handing out post-it
experts in there handing out post-it
experts in there handing out post-it notes with data and suggestions and
notes with data and suggestions and
notes with data and suggestions and analytics which is all helping to shape
analytics which is all helping to shape
analytics which is all helping to shape what is reported our brains similar we
what is reported our brains similar we
what is reported our brains similar we have voices in our head and as we
have voices in our head and as we
have voices in our head and as we struggle to to interpret and understand
struggle to to interpret and understand
struggle to to interpret and understand what’s going on in our lives these
what’s going on in our lives these
what’s going on in our lives these voices are often powerfully shaping and
voices are often powerfully shaping and
voices are often powerfully shaping and interpreting the meaning that we give to
interpreting the meaning that we give to
interpreting the meaning that we give to the events in our life what are the
the events in our life what are the
the events in our life what are the voices that are speaking loudest in your
voices that are speaking loudest in your
voices that are speaking loudest in your head are they empowering ones or are
head are they empowering ones or are
head are they empowering ones or are they disempowering ones what are the
they disempowering ones what are the
they disempowering ones what are the messages they replay over and over again
messages they replay over and over again
messages they replay over and over again what will people think who are you to
what will people think who are you to
what will people think who are you to think you’ve got anything to offer don’t
think you’ve got anything to offer don’t
think you’ve got anything to offer don’t stand out play it safe how could these
stand out play it safe how could these
stand out play it safe how could these messages be impacting your life like me
messages be impacting your life like me
messages be impacting your life like me you might need to do an inventory and
you might need to do an inventory and
you might need to do an inventory and remove the access pass of some of those
remove the access pass of some of those
remove the access pass of some of those voices
voices
voices but unlike me you don’t have to wait for
but unlike me you don’t have to wait for
but unlike me you don’t have to wait for a crisis you can take ownership right
a crisis you can take ownership right
a crisis you can take ownership right now of the narrative that’s directing
now of the narrative that’s directing
now of the narrative that’s directing your life and the exciting thing is you
your life and the exciting thing is you
your life and the exciting thing is you get to create an empowering won the
get to create an empowering won the
get to create an empowering won the third shift I made was to become my own
third shift I made was to become my own
third shift I made was to become my own best friend the most important
best friend the most important
best friend the most important relationship that I will ever have is
relationship that I will ever have is
relationship that I will ever have is the one that I have with me because it
the one that I have with me because it
the one that I have with me because it determines the quality of every other
determines the quality of every other
determines the quality of every other relationship you will have just like I
relationship you will have just like I
relationship you will have just like I would with any important personal
would with any important personal
would with any important personal passion I needed to invest time and
passion I needed to invest time and
passion I needed to invest time and energy in my relationship with me when
energy in my relationship with me when
energy in my relationship with me when we’re approval addicts we disconnect
we’re approval addicts we disconnect
we’re approval addicts we disconnect from ourselves so you build that
from ourselves so you build that
from ourselves so you build that reconnection by building rapport through
reconnection by building rapport through
reconnection by building rapport through kindness and acceptance and by
kindness and acceptance and by
kindness and acceptance and by reflecting on who you are what are your
reflecting on who you are what are your
reflecting on who you are what are your dreams what’s important to you learn to
dreams what’s important to you learn to
dreams what’s important to you learn to trust and honor your feelings thoughts
trust and honor your feelings thoughts
trust and honor your feelings thoughts and preferences instead of judging them
and preferences instead of judging them
and preferences instead of judging them or subjugating them to the needs of
or subjugating them to the needs of
or subjugating them to the needs of others the third shift i made i already
others the third shift i made i already
others the third shift i made i already talked about that didn’t I was to become
talked about that didn’t I was to become
talked about that didn’t I was to become my own best friend at this point I can
my own best friend at this point I can
my own best friend at this point I can hear you say but doesn’t that sound
hear you say but doesn’t that sound
hear you say but doesn’t that sound incredibly selfish I don’t want to live
incredibly selfish I don’t want to live
incredibly selfish I don’t want to live in all about me kind of life that’s not
in all about me kind of life that’s not
in all about me kind of life that’s not what I’m advocating because service is
what I’m advocating because service is
what I’m advocating because service is one of my highest values what I am
one of my highest values what I am
one of my highest values what I am suggesting is that you get intentional
suggesting is that you get intentional
suggesting is that you get intentional about who and how you serve and so that
about who and how you serve and so that
about who and how you serve and so that you can come from a place of choice
you can come from a place of choice
you can come from a place of choice rather than compulsion when we come from
rather than compulsion when we come from
rather than compulsion when we come from compulsion we serve because we feel like
compulsion we serve because we feel like
compulsion we serve because we feel like we have to we tell ourselves we have no
we have to we tell ourselves we have no
we have to we tell ourselves we have no choice and we end up feeling resentful
choice and we end up feeling resentful
choice and we end up feeling resentful when we come from a place of choice we
when we come from a place of choice we
when we come from a place of choice we think about what are our strengths our
think about what are our strengths our
think about what are our strengths our passions and the roles that we’ve chosen
passions and the roles that we’ve chosen
passions and the roles that we’ve chosen how can they combine so we add the
how can they combine so we add the
how can they combine so we add the greatest value and this is the most
greatest value and this is the most
greatest value and this is the most empowered way to live well it’s not an
empowered way to live well it’s not an
empowered way to live well it’s not an easy or an instant transition this stuff
easy or an instant transition this stuff
easy or an instant transition this stuff but it is a critical one if we’re going
but it is a critical one if we’re going
but it is a critical one if we’re going to live a fully empowered life
to live a fully empowered life
to live a fully empowered life as part of my recovery process I had to
as part of my recovery process I had to
as part of my recovery process I had to make some really tough decisions and as
make some really tough decisions and as
make some really tough decisions and as a result I experienced all the things
a result I experienced all the things
a result I experienced all the things that I feared the most I was judged I
that I feared the most I was judged I
that I feared the most I was judged I was rejected and I was disapproved of in
was rejected and I was disapproved of in
was rejected and I was disapproved of in spades and people did talk about me
spades and people did talk about me
spades and people did talk about me behind my back but the curious thing was
behind my back but the curious thing was
behind my back but the curious thing was I’m not only survived I eventually
I’m not only survived I eventually
I’m not only survived I eventually thrived and the new and truer version of
thrived and the new and truer version of
thrived and the new and truer version of me mu emerged and I’m a better mom
me mu emerged and I’m a better mom
me mu emerged and I’m a better mom facilitator and coach because of it my
facilitator and coach because of it my
facilitator and coach because of it my relationships are more authentic and
relationships are more authentic and
relationships are more authentic and much richer so no matter what has
much richer so no matter what has
much richer so no matter what has happened in your life you are your
happened in your life you are your
happened in your life you are your greatest asset and you are a gift to the
greatest asset and you are a gift to the
greatest asset and you are a gift to the world don’t let an approval addiction
world don’t let an approval addiction
world don’t let an approval addiction cause you to squander it I want to leave
cause you to squander it I want to leave
cause you to squander it I want to leave you with three quick questions what
you with three quick questions what
you with three quick questions what would you do if you weren’t afraid who
would you do if you weren’t afraid who
would you do if you weren’t afraid who would you be if you didn’t imagine the
would you be if you didn’t imagine the
would you be if you didn’t imagine the whole world was judging you and what
whole world was judging you and what
whole world was judging you and what could you achieve if you really and
could you achieve if you really and
could you achieve if you really and truly didn’t care what other people
truly didn’t care what other people
truly didn’t care what other people think
”
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