3 Ways to Change the Way You Think of People You Disagree With | Hannah Du Plessis | TEDxPittsburgh

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

the first time I as a white person ever

the first time I as a white person ever danced with a person of color was in the

danced with a person of color was in the

danced with a person of color was in the streets of South Africa thousands of

streets of South Africa thousands of

streets of South Africa thousands of people lined the streets from all

people lined the streets from all

people lined the streets from all different backgrounds socioeconomic

different backgrounds socioeconomic

different backgrounds socioeconomic religion gender and everyone came

religion gender and everyone came

religion gender and everyone came together to celebrate the end of an

together to celebrate the end of an

together to celebrate the end of an oppressive political area in of

oppressive political area in of

oppressive political area in of apartheid it was a joyful moment it was

apartheid it was a joyful moment it was

apartheid it was a joyful moment it was also the moment when I was starting to

also the moment when I was starting to

also the moment when I was starting to fall in love with a guy that I was going

fall in love with a guy that I was going

fall in love with a guy that I was going to marry and enroll in design school so

to marry and enroll in design school so

to marry and enroll in design school so I had this I envisioned a beautiful

I had this I envisioned a beautiful

I had this I envisioned a beautiful future of racial integration of doing

future of racial integration of doing

future of racial integration of doing meaningful work and of being happily

meaningful work and of being happily

meaningful work and of being happily married fast forward 15 years and

married fast forward 15 years and

married fast forward 15 years and instead of standing in the incarnation

instead of standing in the incarnation

instead of standing in the incarnation of my dream I awakened to its antithesis

of my dream I awakened to its antithesis

of my dream I awakened to its antithesis my country is still deeply divided along

my country is still deeply divided along

my country is still deeply divided along racial and socio-economic lines my work

racial and socio-economic lines my work

racial and socio-economic lines my work does not close the economic gap but keep

does not close the economic gap but keep

does not close the economic gap but keep people in poverty and the happily ever

people in poverty and the happily ever

people in poverty and the happily ever after thing didn’t happen for me so I

after thing didn’t happen for me so I

after thing didn’t happen for me so I decided I need to change so I changed

decided I need to change so I changed

decided I need to change so I changed everything I could I changed countenance

everything I could I changed countenance

everything I could I changed countenance and hemispheres

and hemispheres

and hemispheres I changed hairstyles I changed careers I

I changed hairstyles I changed careers I

I changed hairstyles I changed careers I got divorced and got a new boyfriend

got divorced and got a new boyfriend

got divorced and got a new boyfriend and very importantly I changed from PC

and very importantly I changed from PC

and very importantly I changed from PC to Mac

and I wish that I can tell you that a

and I wish that I can tell you that a triumphant ending to my change story but

triumphant ending to my change story but

triumphant ending to my change story but no my first train ride out of Chicago

no my first train ride out of Chicago

no my first train ride out of Chicago tells me that the u.s. is still deeply

tells me that the u.s. is still deeply

tells me that the u.s. is still deeply encrypted with racial segregation and

encrypted with racial segregation and

encrypted with racial segregation and oppression my new job in my new job I

oppression my new job in my new job I

oppression my new job in my new job I find my hope that corporate America is

find my hope that corporate America is

find my hope that corporate America is free to act in the best interest of the

free to act in the best interest of the

free to act in the best interest of the world just died in the first few

world just died in the first few

world just died in the first few meetings and my new relationship does

meetings and my new relationship does

meetings and my new relationship does not bear fruit it dies quickly because I

not bear fruit it dies quickly because I

not bear fruit it dies quickly because I am the one giving up my voice to keep

am the one giving up my voice to keep

am the one giving up my voice to keep the peace and it’s unsustainable so I

the peace and it’s unsustainable so I

the peace and it’s unsustainable so I feel like Trust is broken between me and

feel like Trust is broken between me and

feel like Trust is broken between me and the world why is it so incredibly

the world why is it so incredibly

the world why is it so incredibly difficult for us as humans to be

difficult for us as humans to be

difficult for us as humans to be grounded in a sense of sufficiency to

grounded in a sense of sufficiency to

grounded in a sense of sufficiency to notice our interdependency and really

notice our interdependency and really

notice our interdependency and really take care of one another

take care of one another

take care of one another this question really matters to me

this question really matters to me

this question really matters to me because I come from a long lineage of

because I come from a long lineage of

because I come from a long lineage of people who have taken power over one

people who have taken power over one

people who have taken power over one another in my lifetime I experienced men

another in my lifetime I experienced men

another in my lifetime I experienced men taking power over women

taking power over women

taking power over women my parents white people were taking

my parents white people were taking

my parents white people were taking power by law over people of color my

power by law over people of color my

power by law over people of color my great-grandparents were talked into

great-grandparents were talked into

great-grandparents were talked into concentration camps by the British and

concentration camps by the British and

concentration camps by the British and my great-great grand grand papa in

my great-great grand grand papa in

my great-great grand grand papa in France was sucked out of Europe by the

France was sucked out of Europe by the

France was sucked out of Europe by the Catholics and then our great-great

Catholics and then our great-great

Catholics and then our great-great great-great grandparents the Homo

great-great grandparents the Homo

great-great grandparents the Homo sapiens killed off all the Homo erectus

are we and I’m not even talking about

are we and I’m not even talking about environmental harm are we as a species

environmental harm are we as a species

environmental harm are we as a species doomed to repeat our patterns of taking

doomed to repeat our patterns of taking

doomed to repeat our patterns of taking power over one another for our own

power over one another for our own

power over one another for our own success or well-being we are the ones

success or well-being we are the ones

success or well-being we are the ones enacting those patterns they are not

enacting those patterns they are not

enacting those patterns they are not happening to us we are the world so if

happening to us we are the world so if

happening to us we are the world so if we as individuals and collectors and

we as individuals and collectors and

we as individuals and collectors and groups enact patterns of exploitation if

groups enact patterns of exploitation if

groups enact patterns of exploitation if we enact patterns of of displacement or

we enact patterns of of displacement or

we enact patterns of of displacement or if we enact patterns of segregation

then it doesn’t make sense to believe

then it doesn’t make sense to believe that a positive societal shift alone

that a positive societal shift alone

that a positive societal shift alone will come from an outside force an

will come from an outside force an

will come from an outside force an outside force like a great hero or the

outside force like a great hero or the

outside force like a great hero or the intervention of a deity or that just new

intervention of a deity or that just new

intervention of a deity or that just new technology that we are going to discover

technology that we are going to discover

technology that we are going to discover all the things that you’ve probably all

all the things that you’ve probably all

all the things that you’ve probably all experienced a new department right the

experienced a new department right the

experienced a new department right the patterns that we are enacting is made up

patterns that we are enacting is made up

patterns that we are enacting is made up of us and if we’re constantly deferring

of us and if we’re constantly deferring

of us and if we’re constantly deferring our hope and our power to something

our hope and our power to something

our hope and our power to something outside of us that’s going to change it

outside of us that’s going to change it

outside of us that’s going to change it we not only just empower ourselves we

we not only just empower ourselves we

we not only just empower ourselves we miss out on the delicious wonderful

miss out on the delicious wonderful

miss out on the delicious wonderful difficult opportunity to become and

difficult opportunity to become and

difficult opportunity to become and create the change we want to see because

create the change we want to see because

create the change we want to see because we can become steep ourselves in our

we can become steep ourselves in our

we can become steep ourselves in our sufficiency notice our into dependency

sufficiency notice our into dependency

sufficiency notice our into dependency and act with great care and kindness and

and act with great care and kindness and

and act with great care and kindness and honesty to one another the question then

honesty to one another the question then

honesty to one another the question then for me is how do we change we’ve all

for me is how do we change we’ve all

for me is how do we change we’ve all talked away our new race with New Year’s

talked away our new race with New Year’s

talked away our new race with New Year’s resolution so we know change does not

resolution so we know change does not

resolution so we know change does not come by choice change comes when we

come by choice change comes when we

come by choice change comes when we engage in a journey of transformation

engage in a journey of transformation

engage in a journey of transformation and there’s a lot of people out there

and there’s a lot of people out there

and there’s a lot of people out there who have documented their journeys of

who have documented their journeys of

who have documented their journeys of going through a process of

going through a process of

going through a process of transformation that we can learn from

transformation that we can learn from

transformation that we can learn from they go through a process where they

they go through a process where they

they go through a process where they shared painfully shed their current way

shared painfully shed their current way

shared painfully shed their current way of being an identity in the world and

of being an identity in the world and

of being an identity in the world and then relearn a new way and identity in

then relearn a new way and identity in

then relearn a new way and identity in the world and they journey look

the world and they journey look

the world and they journey look something like this very easy we can all

something like this very easy we can all

something like this very easy we can all do it what when you zoom in you see that

do it what when you zoom in you see that

do it what when you zoom in you see that there are current that there are

there are current that there are

there are current that there are crossroads that you get to in that

crossroads that you get to in that

crossroads that you get to in that journey and I’d like to think of those

journey and I’d like to think of those

journey and I’d like to think of those crossroads as monsters they’re monsters

crossroads as monsters they’re monsters

crossroads as monsters they’re monsters because they’re invisible they’re

because they’re invisible they’re

because they’re invisible they’re powerful and when you meet that

powerful and when you meet that

powerful and when you meet that crossroad or that monster you really

crossroad or that monster you really

crossroad or that monster you really have a choice if you meet it with

have a choice if you meet it with

have a choice if you meet it with resistance and you don’t want to go

resistance and you don’t want to go

resistance and you don’t want to go forward you will stay back in your old

forward you will stay back in your old

forward you will stay back in your old pattern but if you meet it and you get

pattern but if you meet it and you get

pattern but if you meet it and you get to know it and you get to move through

to know it and you get to move through

to know it and you get to move through the discomfort you can carry on on your

the discomfort you can carry on on your

the discomfort you can carry on on your journey of transformation so I would

journey of transformation so I would

journey of transformation so I would like to speak to three of those monsters

like to speak to three of those monsters

like to speak to three of those monsters limiting beliefs fear and past pain it’s

limiting beliefs fear and past pain it’s

limiting beliefs fear and past pain it’s very easy for me to see where other

very easy for me to see where other

very easy for me to see where other people are believing things that are

people are believing things that are

people are believing things that are really stupid right but it’s very hard

really stupid right but it’s very hard

really stupid right but it’s very hard to see those things in myself

to see those things in myself

to see those things in myself especially when I surround myself with

especially when I surround myself with

especially when I surround myself with people like myself so um not long ago a

people like myself so um not long ago a

people like myself so um not long ago a group of people wonderful group of

group of people wonderful group of

group of people wonderful group of people working really hard to change the

people working really hard to change the

people working really hard to change the behavior of people who abuse animals

behavior of people who abuse animals

behavior of people who abuse animals found out that their strategy was not

found out that their strategy was not

found out that their strategy was not working and in this moment we are

working and in this moment we are

working and in this moment we are sitting with them and asking them what

sitting with them and asking them what

sitting with them and asking them what do you believe about those people who

do you believe about those people who

do you believe about those people who abuse animals and now they’re making a

abuse animals and now they’re making a

abuse animals and now they’re making a map of all their beliefs but their pain

map of all their beliefs but their pain

map of all their beliefs but their pain points are their relationships what do

points are their relationships what do

points are their relationships what do we believe they believe the next moment

we believe they believe the next moment

we believe they believe the next moment someone who has been actively abusing

someone who has been actively abusing

someone who has been actively abusing animals walks into this room and this

animals walks into this room and this

animals walks into this room and this group of people having practiced suspend

group of people having practiced suspend

group of people having practiced suspend their judgments sit and they listen with

their judgments sit and they listen with

their judgments sit and they listen with openness when the gentleman leaves the

openness when the gentleman leaves the

openness when the gentleman leaves the room the room gets quiet and they say oh

room the room gets quiet and they say oh

room the room gets quiet and they say oh we’ve had it wrong those moments when he

we’ve had it wrong those moments when he

we’ve had it wrong those moments when he was reacting abusively towards animals

was reacting abusively towards animals

was reacting abusively towards animals and so and we thought he was careless in

and so and we thought he was careless in

and so and we thought he was careless in that moment something cringed in him and

that moment something cringed in him and

that moment something cringed in him and instead of saying hey we know this is

instead of saying hey we know this is

instead of saying hey we know this is difficult we here for you we were saying

difficult we here for you we were saying

difficult we here for you we were saying shame on you so I would like to invite

shame on you so I would like to invite

shame on you so I would like to invite you when you feel friction in your life

you when you feel friction in your life

you when you feel friction in your life in ER or in a relationship

in ER or in a relationship

in ER or in a relationship stop write down what am i believing

stop write down what am i believing

stop write down what am i believing about this person about this thing and

about this person about this thing and

about this person about this thing and look at your beliefs question them more

look at your beliefs question them more

look at your beliefs question them more important them put them in conversation

important them put them in conversation

important them put them in conversation with the with reality and allow the

with the with reality and allow the

with the with reality and allow the beliefs that are unhelpful to fall away

beliefs that are unhelpful to fall away

beliefs that are unhelpful to fall away and what as we continue to do this we

and what as we continue to do this we

and what as we continue to do this we can rewrite our belief systems the

can rewrite our belief systems the

can rewrite our belief systems the second one is fear and fear is a very

second one is fear and fear is a very

second one is fear and fear is a very helpful thing because it helped us

helpful thing because it helped us

helpful thing because it helped us evolve to this point but if we want to

evolve to this point but if we want to

evolve to this point but if we want to continue evolving as a human race not as

continue evolving as a human race not as

continue evolving as a human race not as individual nations and and collectors we

individual nations and and collectors we

individual nations and and collectors we need to try to overcome our fears and

need to try to overcome our fears and

need to try to overcome our fears and this is a group of middle eight managers

this is a group of middle eight managers

this is a group of middle eight managers and their world is changing

and their world is changing

and their world is changing and they’re afraid and instead of saying

and they’re afraid and instead of saying

and they’re afraid and instead of saying buckle up boys we’re saying wait let’s

buckle up boys we’re saying wait let’s

buckle up boys we’re saying wait let’s name your fears and people would write

name your fears and people would write

name your fears and people would write down I’m afraid of the unknown I’m

down I’m afraid of the unknown I’m

down I’m afraid of the unknown I’m afraid of leaving behind people I care

afraid of leaving behind people I care

afraid of leaving behind people I care and now we have something to work with

and now we have something to work with

and now we have something to work with we can work with those fears this is a

we can work with those fears this is a

we can work with those fears this is a public event in Pittsburgh people from

public event in Pittsburgh people from

public event in Pittsburgh people from different from policeman’s to

different from policeman’s to

different from policeman’s to pedestrians different as races and

pedestrians different as races and

pedestrians different as races and religions all came together with the

religions all came together with the

religions all came together with the intention to practice having difficult

intention to practice having difficult

intention to practice having difficult conversations because when we are having

conversations because when we are having

conversations because when we are having a difficult conversation we can see each

a difficult conversation we can see each

a difficult conversation we can see each other as the enemy and when someone says

other as the enemy and when someone says

other as the enemy and when someone says something different to us we can feel

something different to us we can feel

something different to us we can feel scared we want to act in self-protection

scared we want to act in self-protection

scared we want to act in self-protection when we’re scared we act scary we

when we’re scared we act scary we

when we’re scared we act scary we minimize the other we judge we blame or

minimize the other we judge we blame or

minimize the other we judge we blame or we give up power to keep the harmony so

we give up power to keep the harmony so

we give up power to keep the harmony so in this moment we’re practicing being

in this moment we’re practicing being

in this moment we’re practicing being together across difference and we’re

together across difference and we’re

together across difference and we’re practicing feeling fear but not being

practicing feeling fear but not being

practicing feeling fear but not being moved by fear just here is the

moved by fear just here is the

moved by fear just here is the discomfort but I’m going to stick to my

discomfort but I’m going to stick to my

discomfort but I’m going to stick to my value and I’m not going to give up on

value and I’m not going to give up on

value and I’m not going to give up on your value so I want to invite you to

your value so I want to invite you to

your value so I want to invite you to when you feel fear to welcome it to name

when you feel fear to welcome it to name

when you feel fear to welcome it to name it to let it be and to care for it the

it to let it be and to care for it the

it to let it be and to care for it the last one is our past pain and trauma

last one is our past pain and trauma

last one is our past pain and trauma that’s a difficult one because so much

that’s a difficult one because so much

that’s a difficult one because so much of a current reality is built on human

of a current reality is built on human

of a current reality is built on human beings having done really horrible stuff

beings having done really horrible stuff

beings having done really horrible stuff to one another and when we do horrible

to one another and when we do horrible

to one another and when we do horrible stuff to one another and we don’t

stuff to one another and we don’t

stuff to one another and we don’t acknowledge it and heal it it gets

acknowledge it and heal it it gets

acknowledge it and heal it it gets lodged in our bodies as unresolved

lodged in our bodies as unresolved

lodged in our bodies as unresolved trauma and research shows us that if we

trauma and research shows us that if we

trauma and research shows us that if we don’t heal our trauma two things happen

don’t heal our trauma two things happen

don’t heal our trauma two things happen we perpetuate it on to future

we perpetuate it on to future

we perpetuate it on to future generations and we reenact the

generations and we reenact the

generations and we reenact the subconciously our trauma and we deepen

subconciously our trauma and we deepen

subconciously our trauma and we deepen the ask them divide we deepen the

the ask them divide we deepen the

the ask them divide we deepen the distance in the distrust so our

distance in the distrust so our

distance in the distrust so our generation have inherited a lot of

generation have inherited a lot of

generation have inherited a lot of trauma and it’s a and we’re invited to

trauma and it’s a and we’re invited to

trauma and it’s a and we’re invited to stop running and stop denying and to

stop running and stop denying and to

stop running and stop denying and to look at in the eye here a bunch of

look at in the eye here a bunch of

look at in the eye here a bunch of students what we’ve done is

students what we’ve done is

students what we’ve done is people have gone back and look at the

people have gone back and look at the

people have gone back and look at the national histories of the patterns that

national histories of the patterns that

national histories of the patterns that have been passed down and they look they

have been passed down and they look they

have been passed down and they look they make a Jenna gram of their own family

make a Jenna gram of their own family

make a Jenna gram of their own family history and they look at the patterns of

history and they look at the patterns of

history and they look at the patterns of abuse and of care that has been passed

abuse and of care that has been passed

abuse and of care that has been passed down and they’re making art because art

down and they’re making art because art

down and they’re making art because art helps us speak about things that are

helps us speak about things that are

helps us speak about things that are sometimes unspeakable by making art that

sometimes unspeakable by making art that

sometimes unspeakable by making art that looks what is most painful and shameful

looks what is most painful and shameful

looks what is most painful and shameful in the eye and they are starting to

in the eye and they are starting to

in the eye and they are starting to express it because it’s when we look at

express it because it’s when we look at

express it because it’s when we look at it when we agree but when we feel it

it when we agree but when we feel it

it when we agree but when we feel it when we express it that it gets

when we express it that it gets

when we express it that it gets integrated into us so I want to invite

integrated into us so I want to invite

integrated into us so I want to invite you to not to run and not to numb when

you to not to run and not to numb when

you to not to run and not to numb when you feel the pain coming up don’t go to

you feel the pain coming up don’t go to

you feel the pain coming up don’t go to overwork or peanut butter or whiskey

overwork or peanut butter or whiskey

overwork or peanut butter or whiskey feel the pain see it’s hard I know from

feel the pain see it’s hard I know from

feel the pain see it’s hard I know from experience but filled of pain and speak

experience but filled of pain and speak

experience but filled of pain and speak the stories and heal because it’s when

the stories and heal because it’s when

the stories and heal because it’s when we engage in this process as healing

we engage in this process as healing

we engage in this process as healing that we can become the heal for the

that we can become the heal for the

that we can become the heal for the future the better future that every one

future the better future that every one

future the better future that every one of us longs for is not some dream in the

of us longs for is not some dream in the

of us longs for is not some dream in the sky it’s an unwritten script and each of

sky it’s an unwritten script and each of

sky it’s an unwritten script and each of our lives are aligned inside that script

our lives are aligned inside that script

our lives are aligned inside that script if we are asleep

if we are asleep

if we are asleep if we are unconscious we will live out

if we are unconscious we will live out

if we are unconscious we will live out the beliefs that we’ve inherited from

the beliefs that we’ve inherited from

the beliefs that we’ve inherited from our parents we will be driven by our

our parents we will be driven by our

our parents we will be driven by our subconscious fears and we will

subconscious fears and we will

subconscious fears and we will unconsciously reenact our trauma so the

unconsciously reenact our trauma so the

unconsciously reenact our trauma so the invitation for us is to awaken to

invitation for us is to awaken to

invitation for us is to awaken to realize that we are the world to realize

realize that we are the world to realize

realize that we are the world to realize that we can engage however difficult it

that we can engage however difficult it

that we can engage however difficult it might be in the process of

might be in the process of

might be in the process of transformation ourselves and become and

transformation ourselves and become and

transformation ourselves and become and create the change we want to see and I

create the change we want to see and I

create the change we want to see and I hope hope hope that future generations

hope hope hope that future generations

hope hope hope that future generations will look back at us and say uh mm-hmm

will look back at us and say uh mm-hmm

will look back at us and say uh mm-hmm they were the generation who realized

they were the generation who realized

they were the generation who realized that the change is not out there

that the change is not out there

that the change is not out there somewhere but in here among us and they

somewhere but in here among us and they

somewhere but in here among us and they did the good work of engaging in a

did the good work of engaging in a

did the good work of engaging in a process of transformation and becoming

process of transformation and becoming

process of transformation and becoming and creating the whole

and creating the whole

and creating the whole healed life-sustaining world we now have

healed life-sustaining world we now have

healed life-sustaining world we now have thank you very much

thank you very much

thank you very much [Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] [Music]