and for seven years I lived in
co-dependency was 22 and I was
madly in love with me
I could not imagine life without it
and it seemed to me that my
life in this that if I lose it then I
just die in the same second to me
it seemed that this is true love
but it was codependence what is
codependence many say that
codependency
Well, if at all someone heard about this
compulsory partnership partner
destructive relationship with a person
which is some kind of dependence
alcohol addiction narcotic
workaholism gambling in this spirit but I
I think that it is not necessary to contact
an alcoholic in order to fall
co-dependent relationship for me meaning
co-dependencies in that you
see the source of the meaning of your life in
someone else is not in itself a source of happiness
in another person codependence has
its reasons, it does not appear out of nowhere
and with dependence and this childhood and
family can be such that you
relatively sensible person but
marry an addict and
fall into all the dependence and pressure
It also leads to the fact that
people become addicted I would like to
say that the co-dependent can be any
regardless of gender, can
to be a man or a woman is not very important
but in our society women are more
suffer from codependence simply because
that women’s gender socialization
leads to the fact that women in
thought of a very early age that
relationship for them is all that marriage for
they are all that happiness is for them only
can be in partnership and that if you
lonely this means you are unhappy I would
wanted to say that now I can not
listening to music in Russian
I can still speak English because
I do not understand everything, but in Russian it’s not very
because most of our songs
it’s just games about the dependence of 90
percent of songs in them the idea is broadcast
I without you I die without you I can not live
here you go I drop out of the window and there still
all sorts of things like this but it’s true and
it ‘s actually such a feeling that
girls zombies
you should like at the very beginning was here
this performance you should get married
the same girl and that’s all this and
prize all this was all it was with me and
now when I read the theory simply
dependence is a sign of codependence
this is the absence of hidden open communication
manipulating love on condition
now we set this all on it
was in my relationship then absence
open communication, it is the majority of people
suffer from it, but when you and your
partner can not talk about what
you really want to tell him
with some hints
or try to show him your
behavior that you need here is this but not
say what exactly it is you need
standard such a scene when you have
man asks what’s wrong
[laugh]
manipulation in the same spirit when you
cause a person’s feelings of guilt and
Try to make him feel it
feeling, and out of this feeling, did what
You do not need a direct request directly
manipulating love on conditions when
you or your partner are behaving
so I’ll love you if you
will be good
if you’re going to be like this
you will fulfill a bunch of conditions then I
I will tee
love this not only for male female
This relates to
relations between parents and children
when your child needs your love
deserve or you as a child need
deserve love before your
parents should tick
all these points in order that you
to love confusion for
I’m a standard example of this when
adult mother of an adult 20-year-old forehead
says we are going to university we
chose this faculty here is this merger
but generally I should not end
remembers very much theories but something about
up to three
then it’s still normal to talk about
yourself with the baby and control the control in
when your husband or boyfriend or
you call ask where you are and with whom you
and when you come and why are you there?
do not give a person
uncontrollably somehow build
your life but not necessarily be in
you can just live and
be dependent on the signs of the past month
dependent person is if you are addicted
from the opinions of others
We do not live in an ideal world. We are not all
perfect and I can not say that
absolutely regardless of opinion
surrounding the sense of position
but not of course
worrying about what you think about me
think but this is not the meaning of my
to earn your love and sympathy
The need for continued approval and
The need for approval is available to all but
co-dependent need for approval is not
saturate and that is, he is praised and he is not enough
and the person suffers from this and
surrounding people, too, the need for
external stimulants and low self-esteem
this is related to each other but about the low
self-esteem, I think you can not tell
all ever faced it nor
ability to be aware of feelings
A very complex topic and could be
a separate topic
The way in which they appear is not
ability to be aware of their feelings but
if you were once at a dead end when
thought about what you feel
felt this confusion that you do not
you understand then you have it and
feeling of the victim that is if
once you thought about the fact that everything is bad
because this is it and this is not because
that I am but because in the world around me
state policy
my mom did not like me and that’s it.
this suggests that you are all dependent and
all this was with me all this was in my
life and in my relationship, I remember my
was such as it seems to me now stupid
belief that I can not love that
It’s impossible to love me the way I am
there is also that in order to be loved
I need to fulfill a bunch of conditions I still have
then was not married
but as a single-minded person decided
that I am going to marry this man and
set itself such a plan now is
sounds pretty creepy but I decided to understand
what kind of woman does he need an ideal
the woman he needed seemed to me then that
I’m awfully wise and such a quick-witted
Perspicacious all understand but in fact
most men need the same thing and and
I became here an ideal woman then
I tried to be a good hostess
I learned to cook I always have it
I never listened to him
accepted all his friends as such
they are also such a stiva arka wife
ideal wife vacuum
I tried very hard and it turns out
that I forbade myself many feelings I
I forbade myself to be indignant
to resent myself because it seemed to me
This is what she is cutting him and I
It is forbidden to itself
I forbade myself to be real and
Yes, I married him and yes I have
a child was born but there was no happiness and
relations became
worse and worse, and I did not understand what was wrong
Then it seemed to me that it was in me that
I’m not trying enough and it turned out
that happiness is here it ‘s around the corner yet
just a little more you can do this here
better to make yourself even more
perfect and then he will understand what to me from
it is necessary and then it will become good and
then everything will be fine I do not want
say badly the demand of its already former
husband
because I think that in relations with
at that moment
few would remain in adequate
because when you are loved
love without any conditions when you are all
simplify when you still love and
try to be good for you very few people
may not feel
permissiveness that you can actually
everything and she will not go anywhere and will be herself
love and I created all to have
a picture appeared in his head
and now I understand that in dependent
relations
happiness can not be, in principle, because
what
co-dependent places the source of the part in
another person in his behavior and
thinks that here he will change and then everything
I will not be good, that is, even in
head did not come that in order to
to be happy I can do something
for myself that I can choose and all
time looked at him and thought about
that now now he will do that
much later I was already engaged in paired
I am dancing the tango was engaged and I remember it
The discovery for me was that in order to
so that the dance turned out to be necessary in
its own balance sheet
that is, beginners usually in one way or another
hang on the partner that is they have
There’s no balance there, you have to dance on
heels and it turns out you’re falling and
you hang and dance then does not work for
that the dance turned out good for
that there was this exchange of energy
both should be in their
their own balance, they both must be able to
stand on your own feet without
partner that is there were exercises
when you just stand and should
keep the balance just stand and
keeps balance on no one leaning
and in life it is also very important that
great awareness I had in
the moment that in order to achieve
happiness must learn to stand
alone on my own feet and then I
did not understand this
but I realized that I live badly I
I understood that there was no happiness. I understood that
that it must be done and then I remember the day
I remember the hour I remember even where I was
when to me for the first time came in
head this idea I thought if he would go away
I will not die for me it was such
awesome awareness here if he
go now I will not die life will be
continue and this was the very first step
I began to think about what I can do
for myself and I then went to a psychologist to me
lucky in terms of what I had
friends who supported me in this
there was one friend who gave me
psychologist contact very good la
another girlfriend who is in
thousands of kilometers away from me very much
motivated me and told you
please go to a psychologist and I need it
went it was a great job she
lasted several years
which these years are many that in my life
changed and it was not like in a movie that
you come to the psychologist for the next
day you are aware
and you start to change your life to
the best was at the time when
it seemed that it gets worse, that is up to
this you were
I was frozen not nothing
I felt here I began to understand that I
I feel it feels then it’s many
were
awareness of which
hurt me but step three for
I see myself that I continued to walk
psychologist in spite of the fact that to me
it seemed that it did not get better that I
continued to work on themselves and there were
I realized what I want real
I’m not melting that which has appeared
because society squeezed or I’m good
daughter or I’m a good wife and I’m real me
I want this second consciousness was then
that I can fill my life with meaning
yourself what I can find myself
the meaning of my life I have three children and I
really like them but they do not mean my
life is a rather strange statement
as if contradicting one another
but you understand when you see in your
children the meaning of life in this very much is not
freedom for children, that is, it turns out that
they should justify in my life they
must achieve something in order to
was not good and most likely if I
I see my children the meaning of life I want
to give this life a form I will say
why do not you leave in this
university
why do not you do this here
maybe dancing and maybe
songs and maybe more than that I will
try to have them live for me then
I did not live and they will have a feeling
that they are within the framework and now I am
I hope very much that they have this
there is no feeling
I have the eldest daughter and two boys
and for some reason I really think a lot
daughters
I really want that someday
When in her life there will be a hint of
such destructive attitudes that
I had it she would have said my mom
taught me to treat you carefully and
live joyfully and therefore, and pork this
I will not do it this is my dream and
awareness was another thing
co-dependency is fruitful dependence if
You sous dependent who your children will
co-dependency their children will be co-dependent
this will continue until
you do not want to break this chain until you
do not want to consciously become
free to become happy sometime
For a long time I passed such test I
specifically put it on a slide
the name of this test is the co -ependence scale
van hall and here is the result and tests
which were in 2007 the total
the number of points there is 80 and I have
it turned out 64 and most recently I am again
passed this test and I already happened
the result is 32
it is not ideally ex- co-dependent also
as the former alcoholics do not happen it
the truth I must remember about this is that
I am inside this weak part
and it’s good when I somehow behave and in
for a moment I understand, I’ve fallen again
all dependency but the good news is volume
that it is treated what you can over
work and do something and
the most important thing is what you need
Well this is something that helped me personally, I do not
I can take it
tips but it helped me that I always
was
financially independent that at me
there were always friends who took me
supported the fact that I applied
psychologist is that except for individual
I worked very hard at
therapeutic groups is absolutely
another format and in it that I like
most of all this is what you understand that
you are unique but your problems are not there
Such problems are faced by many
people and why I even came and became
speak because I want many
can be learned in something themselves and understood
that their problem is not unique and
accordingly we can do something and
the most important thing is that happiness is inside everyone
person and it does not depend on anyone and
you can find your own way yourself
You can do anything to fill your
a life
the only meaning
Thank you
”
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