I’m Sergeant Benjamin Harris United States Army infantryman
I was 26 my daughter was born two months
I was 26 my daughter was born two months before we deployed
it’s in those first couple days certain
it’s in those first couple days certain details I can remember very clearly and
details I can remember very clearly and
details I can remember very clearly and then certain things that I would think I
then certain things that I would think I
then certain things that I would think I remember I don’t remember at all it’s
remember I don’t remember at all it’s
remember I don’t remember at all it’s like a puzzle and I don’t necessarily
like a puzzle and I don’t necessarily
like a puzzle and I don’t necessarily know the order of a lot of the things I
know the order of a lot of the things I
know the order of a lot of the things I remember I just remember they happened
remember I just remember they happened
remember I just remember they happened wasn’t until that day that I realized
wasn’t until that day that I realized
wasn’t until that day that I realized the potential of being out with a 20 guy
the potential of being out with a 20 guy
the potential of being out with a 20 guy Patrol and being surrounded by 30 or
Patrol and being surrounded by 30 or
Patrol and being surrounded by 30 or 30,000 that’s when I get security
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
wasn’t ready for the mental side of it
wasn’t ready for the mental side of it that first time that that you realized
that first time that that you realized
that first time that that you realized these people are trying to kill me
these people are trying to kill me
these people are trying to kill me that was really hard for me to accept at
that was really hard for me to accept at
that was really hard for me to accept at first
and they’re gonna do whatever it takes
and they’re gonna do whatever it takes even if it means that you kill them
even if it means that you kill them
even if it means that you kill them first
[Music]
[Music] and then kids started getting involved
and then kids started getting involved
and then kids started getting involved that that’s my nightmare that they used
that that’s my nightmare that they used
that that’s my nightmare that they used kids to fight against us I never
kids to fight against us I never
kids to fight against us I never expected to be in that situation
I don’t think there’s any way to be
I don’t think there’s any way to be ready for that
ready for that
ready for that [Music]
but kid 1012 that was running back and
but kid 1012 that was running back and forth across the alley firing at us
forth across the alley firing at us
forth across the alley firing at us that was my first instance of scenic
that was my first instance of scenic
that was my first instance of scenic kids shooting at us
kids shooting at us
kids shooting at us and I remember very clearly shooting
and I remember very clearly shooting
and I remember very clearly shooting back and very shortly thereafter item I
back and very shortly thereafter item I
back and very shortly thereafter item I can’t say exactly how long a slightly
can’t say exactly how long a slightly
can’t say exactly how long a slightly older man coming out and dragging the
older man coming out and dragging the
older man coming out and dragging the body away crying and coming back and
body away crying and coming back and
body away crying and coming back and picking up the weapon pointed at us was
picking up the weapon pointed at us was
picking up the weapon pointed at us was was generated fire
he went down and an older man probably
he went down and an older man probably in his 50s came out and started to drag
in his 50s came out and started to drag
in his 50s came out and started to drag his body away and then picked up the a K
his body away and then picked up the a K
his body away and then picked up the a K and turned towards us in certain tissue
and turned towards us in certain tissue
and turned towards us in certain tissue [Music]
[Music]
[Music] I remember sitting up there think and I
I remember sitting up there think and I
I remember sitting up there think and I just killed three generations of a
just killed three generations of a
just killed three generations of a family
family
family [Music]
[Music]
[Music] it takes a long time with some of the
it takes a long time with some of the
it takes a long time with some of the stuff – to finally accept everything
stuff – to finally accept everything
stuff – to finally accept everything that happened
somebody handed a ten or twelve year old
somebody handed a ten or twelve year old kid in a K in magazines and said here go
kid in a K in magazines and said here go
kid in a K in magazines and said here go do that
I have thought about that kid every day
I have thought about that kid every day since
since
since because I look at my children and I
because I look at my children and I
because I look at my children and I think you know he was 10 years old then
think you know he was 10 years old then
think you know he was 10 years old then he would be 23 now what would he be
he would be 23 now what would he be
he would be 23 now what would he be doing with his life because you’re
doing with his life because you’re
doing with his life because you’re making a choice between you or the guy
making a choice between you or the guy
making a choice between you or the guy next to you or that kid it’s the most
next to you or that kid it’s the most
next to you or that kid it’s the most permanent thing ever
permanent thing ever
permanent thing ever whether or not I made the right decision
whether or not I made the right decision
whether or not I made the right decision it would never feel right to me
it would never feel right to me
it would never feel right to me [Music]
[Music]
[Music] acceptance takes a long time the last
acceptance takes a long time the last
acceptance takes a long time the last year or so specifically I’ve come a long
year or so specifically I’ve come a long
year or so specifically I’ve come a long ways towards being a home within
ways towards being a home within
ways towards being a home within yourself reaching home is reaching that
yourself reaching home is reaching that
yourself reaching home is reaching that point where you’re comfortable in your
point where you’re comfortable in your
point where you’re comfortable in your own skin after everything that happened
own skin after everything that happened
own skin after everything that happened and that long road is the process that
and that long road is the process that
and that long road is the process that it takes to get there
it takes to get there
it takes to get there [Music]
”
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