okay so if you’re suffering you are obligated in a sense to hold on to
obligated in a sense to hold on to
obligated in a sense to hold on to whatever rope someone throws you and one
whatever rope someone throws you and one
whatever rope someone throws you and one of the things I do with my clients all
of the things I do with my clients all
of the things I do with my clients all the time especially if they’re really in
the time especially if they’re really in
the time especially if they’re really in trouble is to tell them look I don’t
trouble is to tell them look I don’t
trouble is to tell them look I don’t know exactly what’s gonna have you but
know exactly what’s gonna have you but
know exactly what’s gonna have you but don’t arbitrarily throw out any
don’t arbitrarily throw out any
don’t arbitrarily throw out any possibilities because you might not have
possibilities because you might not have
possibilities because you might not have that luxury antidepressants help a lot
that luxury antidepressants help a lot
that luxury antidepressants help a lot of people and there are technical
of people and there are technical
of people and there are technical reasons why that’s the case so that’s a
reasons why that’s the case so that’s a
reasons why that’s the case so that’s a simple answer it’s not relevant to what
simple answer it’s not relevant to what
simple answer it’s not relevant to what I already described except that if
I already described except that if
I already described except that if you’re offered a gift by your society
you’re offered a gift by your society
you’re offered a gift by your society and it works try it I don’t care what
and it works try it I don’t care what
and it works try it I don’t care what your presuppositions are apart from that
lots of the lots of time lots of the
lots of the lots of time lots of the time you see people who are suffering
time you see people who are suffering
time you see people who are suffering with depression for example there’s a
with depression for example there’s a
with depression for example there’s a multitude of reasons but I’ll take one
multitude of reasons but I’ll take one
multitude of reasons but I’ll take one common reason you can think about it as
common reason you can think about it as
common reason you can think about it as associated with the story of Peter Pan a
associated with the story of Peter Pan a
associated with the story of Peter Pan a Peter Pan is someone who won’t grow up
Peter Pan is someone who won’t grow up
Peter Pan is someone who won’t grow up right now the problem with Peter Pan is
right now the problem with Peter Pan is
right now the problem with Peter Pan is he gets to be king but it’s king of
he gets to be king but it’s king of
he gets to be king but it’s king of Neverland
Neverland
Neverland Neverland doesn’t exist so being king of
Neverland doesn’t exist so being king of
Neverland doesn’t exist so being king of nothing isn’t that helpful well one of
nothing isn’t that helpful well one of
nothing isn’t that helpful well one of the things that you often see with
the things that you often see with
the things that you often see with people who suffer from depression and
people who suffer from depression and
people who suffer from depression and and I’m not making a blanket statement
and I’m not making a blanket statement
and I’m not making a blanket statement about the cause of depression because
about the cause of depression because
about the cause of depression because there’s lots of them is that people who
there’s lots of them is that people who
there’s lots of them is that people who don’t have enough order in their life
don’t have enough order in their life
don’t have enough order in their life tend to get overwhelmed so for example
tend to get overwhelmed so for example
tend to get overwhelmed so for example if someone comes into me and sees to see
if someone comes into me and sees to see
if someone comes into me and sees to see me and they say they’re depressed I
me and they say they’re depressed I
me and they say they’re depressed I always ask them a very standard set of
always ask them a very standard set of
always ask them a very standard set of questions do you have a job if you don’t
questions do you have a job if you don’t
questions do you have a job if you don’t have a job you’re really in trouble in
have a job you’re really in trouble in
have a job you’re really in trouble in our society first of all you your
our society first of all you your
our society first of all you your biological rhythms tend to go off the
biological rhythms tend to go off the
biological rhythms tend to go off the rails right away because there’s no
rails right away because there’s no
rails right away because there’s no reason to go to bed at any particular
reason to go to bed at any particular
reason to go to bed at any particular time and there’s no reason to get up and
time and there’s no reason to get up and
time and there’s no reason to get up and for many people if they don’t get up at
for many people if they don’t get up at
for many people if they don’t get up at the same time they follow up the
the same time they follow up the
the same time they follow up the functioning of their circadian rhythms
functioning of their circadian rhythms
functioning of their circadian rhythms and that’s enough to make them depressed
and that’s enough to make them depressed
and that’s enough to make them depressed right off the bat especially if they
right off the bat especially if they
right off the bat especially if they start napping during the afternoon they
start napping during the afternoon they
start napping during the afternoon they don’t also don’t have a purpose people
don’t also don’t have a purpose people
don’t also don’t have a purpose people aren’t good without a purpose and this
aren’t good without a purpose and this
aren’t good without a purpose and this isn’t this isn’t hypothesizing we
isn’t this isn’t hypothesizing we
isn’t this isn’t hypothesizing we absolutely understand the circuitry that
absolutely understand the circuitry that
absolutely understand the circuitry that underlies positive emotion when you’re
underlies positive emotion when you’re
underlies positive emotion when you’re attending to something you’re interested
attending to something you’re interested
attending to something you’re interested in and you’re engaged if that’s when
in and you’re engaged if that’s when
in and you’re engaged if that’s when you’re alive that’s when life is
you’re alive that’s when life is
you’re alive that’s when life is worthwhile it’s so worthwhile that in
worthwhile it’s so worthwhile that in
worthwhile it’s so worthwhile that in those moments you don’t even ask the
those moments you don’t even ask the
those moments you don’t even ask the question about it the question itself
question about it the question itself
question about it the question itself goes away because the meaning that
goes away because the meaning that
goes away because the meaning that you’re Li United with this
you’re Li United with this
you’re Li United with this powerful that it can push back the
powerful that it can push back the
powerful that it can push back the adversity that would otherwise
adversity that would otherwise
adversity that would otherwise characterize life Nietzsche said the
characterize life Nietzsche said the
characterize life Nietzsche said the person who has a Y can bear anyhow we
person who has a Y can bear anyhow we
person who has a Y can bear anyhow we know how it works almost all the
know how it works almost all the
know how it works almost all the positive emotion that any of you are
positive emotion that any of you are
positive emotion that any of you are likely to experience in your life will
likely to experience in your life will
likely to experience in your life will not be a consequence of attaining things
not be a consequence of attaining things
not be a consequence of attaining things it will be a consequence of seeing that
it will be a consequence of seeing that
it will be a consequence of seeing that things are working as you proceed
things are working as you proceed
things are working as you proceed towards a goal you value that’s
towards a goal you value that’s
towards a goal you value that’s completely different and you need to
completely different and you need to
completely different and you need to know this because people are often
know this because people are often
know this because people are often stunned for example they finish their
stunned for example they finish their
stunned for example they finish their PhD thesis and their presupposition is
PhD thesis and their presupposition is
PhD thesis and their presupposition is that they’re going to be elated for a
that they’re going to be elated for a
that they’re going to be elated for a month and often instead they’re actually
month and often instead they’re actually
month and often instead they’re actually depressed and they think hell I’ve been
depressed and they think hell I’ve been
depressed and they think hell I’ve been working on this for seven years and I
working on this for seven years and I
working on this for seven years and I handed it in why do I do now and that’s
handed it in why do I do now and that’s
handed it in why do I do now and that’s what depresses them right it’s the what
what depresses them right it’s the what
what depresses them right it’s the what do I do now well they’re fine if they
do I do now well they’re fine if they
do I do now well they’re fine if they enjoyed it
enjoyed it
enjoyed it pursuing the thing as long as it was
pursuing the thing as long as it was
pursuing the thing as long as it was working out they get a lot of enthusiasm
working out they get a lot of enthusiasm
working out they get a lot of enthusiasm and excitement over that because that’s
and excitement over that because that’s
and excitement over that because that’s how our nervous systems work most of
how our nervous systems work most of
how our nervous systems work most of your positive emotion is goal pursuit
your positive emotion is goal pursuit
your positive emotion is goal pursuit emotion if you take drugs like cocaine
emotion if you take drugs like cocaine
emotion if you take drugs like cocaine or amphetamine the reason they’re
or amphetamine the reason they’re
or amphetamine the reason they’re enjoyable is because they turn on the
enjoyable is because they turn on the
enjoyable is because they turn on the systems that help you pursue goals
systems that help you pursue goals
systems that help you pursue goals that’s why people like them so if you
that’s why people like them so if you
that’s why people like them so if you don’t have a job you got no structure
don’t have a job you got no structure
don’t have a job you got no structure that’s not good plus you tend not to
that’s not good plus you tend not to
that’s not good plus you tend not to have a point
have a point
have a point so you’re overwhelmed by chaotic lack of
so you’re overwhelmed by chaotic lack of
so you’re overwhelmed by chaotic lack of structure and you don’t have any
structure and you don’t have any
structure and you don’t have any positive emotion assuming you want to
positive emotion assuming you want to
positive emotion assuming you want to get better there’s usually something you
get better there’s usually something you
get better there’s usually something you can figure out that would constitute a
can figure out that would constitute a
can figure out that would constitute a step towards some sort of concrete goal
step towards some sort of concrete goal
step towards some sort of concrete goal and my presumption it’s a behavioral
and my presumption it’s a behavioral
and my presumption it’s a behavioral presumptions fundamentally is that small
presumptions fundamentally is that small
presumptions fundamentally is that small accruing gains that repeat unbelievably
accruing gains that repeat unbelievably
accruing gains that repeat unbelievably powerful
powerful
powerful you can tyrannize yourself into doing
you can tyrannize yourself into doing
you can tyrannize yourself into doing things but I wouldn’t recommend it what
things but I wouldn’t recommend it what
things but I wouldn’t recommend it what I would recommend instead is that you
I would recommend instead is that you
I would recommend instead is that you ask yourself what you’re willing to do
ask yourself what you’re willing to do
ask yourself what you’re willing to do it’s a really effective technique it’s
it’s a really effective technique it’s
it’s a really effective technique it’s like a meditative technique so for
like a meditative technique so for
like a meditative technique so for example you can get up in the morning
example you can get up in the morning
example you can get up in the morning and you can think well you know I’d like
and you can think well you know I’d like
and you can think well you know I’d like to have a good day today so I’d like to
to have a good day today so I’d like to
to have a good day today so I’d like to go to bed tonight without feeling guilty
go to bed tonight without feeling guilty
go to bed tonight without feeling guilty because I you know didn’t do some things
because I you know didn’t do some things
because I you know didn’t do some things I said I was gonna do and I you know I’d
I said I was gonna do and I you know I’d
I said I was gonna do and I you know I’d like to have kind of an interesting day
like to have kind of an interesting day
like to have kind of an interesting day so you got to fulfill my
so you got to fulfill my
so you got to fulfill my responsibilities and I want to you know
responsibilities and I want to you know
responsibilities and I want to you know enjoy the day then you can ask yourself
enjoy the day then you can ask yourself
enjoy the day then you can ask yourself well okay what would I have to do in
well okay what would I have to do in
well okay what would I have to do in order for that to happen that I would do
order for that to happen that I would do
order for that to happen that I would do and the probability if you practice this
and the probability if you practice this
and the probability if you practice this for three or four days is your brain
for three or four days is your brain
for three or four days is your brain will just tell you say well you know
will just tell you say well you know
will just tell you say well you know there’s that piece of homework that you
there’s that piece of homework that you
there’s that piece of homework that you haven’t done for like three weeks you
haven’t done for like three weeks you
haven’t done for like three weeks you should knock that sucker off because it
should knock that sucker off because it
should knock that sucker off because it would only take you ten minutes and
would only take you ten minutes and
would only take you ten minutes and you’ve been avoiding it and torturing
you’ve been avoiding it and torturing
you’ve been avoiding it and torturing yourself to death for
yourself to death for
yourself to death for you know like like 72 hours straight and
you know like like 72 hours straight and
you know like like 72 hours straight and say well let’s figure out what your aims
say well let’s figure out what your aims
say well let’s figure out what your aims are you got to have some aims whatever
are you got to have some aims whatever
are you got to have some aims whatever they are and they might say well I’m so
they are and they might say well I’m so
they are and they might say well I’m so depressed I don’t have any aims and then
depressed I don’t have any aims and then
depressed I don’t have any aims and then I say well pick the least objectionable
I say well pick the least objectionable
I say well pick the least objectionable of the aims and act it out for a while
of the aims and act it out for a while
of the aims and act it out for a while and see what happens because sometimes
and see what happens because sometimes
and see what happens because sometimes your emotions your emotional systems are
your emotions your emotional systems are
your emotions your emotional systems are so fouled up that you have to pretend
so fouled up that you have to pretend
so fouled up that you have to pretend you have to act the thing out before you
you have to act the thing out before you
you have to act the thing out before you can start to believe it
can start to believe it
can start to believe it life can be meaningful enough to justify
life can be meaningful enough to justify
life can be meaningful enough to justify its suffering if a god that’s such a
its suffering if a god that’s such a
its suffering if a god that’s such a good idea because it’s not optimistic
good idea because it’s not optimistic
good idea because it’s not optimistic exactly you know some people tell you
exactly you know some people tell you
exactly you know some people tell you what you can be happy it’s like those
what you can be happy it’s like those
what you can be happy it’s like those people are idiots I’m telling you
people are idiots I’m telling you
people are idiots I’m telling you they’re idiots there’s gonna be things
they’re idiots there’s gonna be things
they’re idiots there’s gonna be things that come along that flatten you so hard
that come along that flatten you so hard
that come along that flatten you so hard you won’t believe it and you’re not
you won’t believe it and you’re not
you won’t believe it and you’re not happy then and so if life is to be happy
happy then and so if life is to be happy
happy then and so if life is to be happy well in those situations what are you
well in those situations what are you
well in those situations what are you doing well I even live but light isn’t
doing well I even live but light isn’t
doing well I even live but light isn’t life isn’t to be happy if you’re happy
life isn’t to be happy if you’re happy
life isn’t to be happy if you’re happy your bloody fortunate and you should
your bloody fortunate and you should
your bloody fortunate and you should enjoy it you should because it’s the
enjoy it you should because it’s the
enjoy it you should because it’s the grace of God so to speak with regards to
grace of God so to speak with regards to
grace of God so to speak with regards to to meaning I thought well people know
to meaning I thought well people know
to meaning I thought well people know when they’re doing something meaningful
when they’re doing something meaningful
when they’re doing something meaningful they can tell some why the hell don’t
they can tell some why the hell don’t
they can tell some why the hell don’t they do meaningful things all the time
they do meaningful things all the time
they do meaningful things all the time it seems obvious you could do it I mean
it seems obvious you could do it I mean
it seems obvious you could do it I mean it’s hard you know because other people
it’s hard you know because other people
it’s hard you know because other people want you to do other things and it’s a
want you to do other things and it’s a
want you to do other things and it’s a struggle but everything’s a struggle and
struggle but everything’s a struggle and
struggle but everything’s a struggle and then I thought well oh I get it I see
then I thought well oh I get it I see
then I thought well oh I get it I see why it took me about ten years to figure
why it took me about ten years to figure
why it took me about ten years to figure this out people have a choice choice
this out people have a choice choice
this out people have a choice choice number one nothing you do means anything
number one nothing you do means anything
number one nothing you do means anything well that’s kind of a drag right
well that’s kind of a drag right
well that’s kind of a drag right meaninglessness of life and all that
meaninglessness of life and all that
meaninglessness of life and all that existential angst you know that’s kind
existential angst you know that’s kind
existential angst you know that’s kind of a pain but the upside of nothing that
of a pain but the upside of nothing that
of a pain but the upside of nothing that you do be meaning is meaningful is you
you do be meaning is meaningful is you
you do be meaning is meaningful is you don’t have to do anything
don’t have to do anything
don’t have to do anything you’ve got no responsibility now you
you’ve got no responsibility now you
you’ve got no responsibility now you have to suffer because things are
have to suffer because things are
have to suffer because things are meaningless but that’s a small price to
meaningless but that’s a small price to
meaningless but that’s a small price to pay for being able to be completely
pay for being able to be completely
pay for being able to be completely useless the alternative the alternative
useless the alternative the alternative
useless the alternative the alternative is everything you do matters really if
is everything you do matters really if
is everything you do matters really if you make a mistake it’s a real mistake
you make a mistake it’s a real mistake
you make a mistake it’s a real mistake if you betray someone you tilt the world
if you betray someone you tilt the world
if you betray someone you tilt the world a little more sharply towards evil
a little more sharply towards evil
a little more sharply towards evil rather than good it matters what you do
rather than good it matters what you do
rather than good it matters what you do well if you buy that then you can have a
well if you buy that then you can have a
well if you buy that then you can have a meaningful life but there’s no mucking
meaningful life but there’s no mucking
meaningful life but there’s no mucking around it means responsibility it means
around it means responsibility it means
around it means responsibility it means that the decisions you make are
that the decisions you make are
that the decisions you make are important it means that when you do
important it means that when you do
important it means that when you do something wrong it’s wrong well do you
something wrong it’s wrong well do you
something wrong it’s wrong well do you want that you know if you take people
want that you know if you take people
want that you know if you take people and you expose the
and you expose the
and you expose the voluntarily to things that they are
voluntarily to things that they are
voluntarily to things that they are avoiding and are afraid of you know that
avoiding and are afraid of you know that
avoiding and are afraid of you know that they know they need to overcome in order
they know they need to overcome in order
they know they need to overcome in order to meet their goals their self defined
to meet their goals their self defined
to meet their goals their self defined goals if you can teach people to stand
goals if you can teach people to stand
goals if you can teach people to stand up in the face of the things they’re
up in the face of the things they’re
up in the face of the things they’re afraid of they get stronger and you
afraid of they get stronger and you
afraid of they get stronger and you don’t know what the upper limits to that
don’t know what the upper limits to that
don’t know what the upper limits to that are because you might ask yourself like
are because you might ask yourself like
are because you might ask yourself like if for ten years if you didn’t avoid
if for ten years if you didn’t avoid
if for ten years if you didn’t avoid doing what you knew you needed to do
doing what you knew you needed to do
doing what you knew you needed to do what would you be like well you know
what would you be like well you know
what would you be like well you know there are remarkable people who come
there are remarkable people who come
there are remarkable people who come into the world from time to time and
into the world from time to time and
into the world from time to time and there are people who do find out over
there are people who do find out over
there are people who do find out over decades long periods what they could be
decades long periods what they could be
decades long periods what they could be like if they were who they were if they
like if they were who they were if they
like if they were who they were if they spoke their being forward and they be
spoke their being forward and they be
spoke their being forward and they be get stronger and stronger and stronger
get stronger and stronger and stronger
get stronger and stronger and stronger and we don’t know the limits to that we
and we don’t know the limits to that we
and we don’t know the limits to that we do not know the limits to that probably
do not know the limits to that probably
do not know the limits to that probably running at about 51% of our capacity
running at about 51% of our capacity
running at about 51% of our capacity something mean you can think about this
something mean you can think about this
something mean you can think about this yourselves I often ask undergraduates
yourselves I often ask undergraduates
yourselves I often ask undergraduates how many hours a day you waste or how
how many hours a day you waste or how
how many hours a day you waste or how many hours a week you waste and the
many hours a week you waste and the
many hours a week you waste and the classic answer is something like four to
classic answer is something like four to
classic answer is something like four to six hours a day
six hours a day
six hours a day you know inefficient studying watching
you know inefficient studying watching
you know inefficient studying watching things on YouTube that not only do you
things on YouTube that not only do you
things on YouTube that not only do you not want to watch that you don’t even
not want to watch that you don’t even
not want to watch that you don’t even care about that make you feel horrible
care about that make you feel horrible
care about that make you feel horrible about watching after you’re done that’s
about watching after you’re done that’s
about watching after you’re done that’s probably four hours right there no you
probably four hours right there no you
probably four hours right there no you think well that’s 2025 hours a week it’s
think well that’s 2025 hours a week it’s
think well that’s 2025 hours a week it’s a hundred hours a month that’s two and a
a hundred hours a month that’s two and a
a hundred hours a month that’s two and a half full work weeks it’s half a year of
half full work weeks it’s half a year of
half full work weeks it’s half a year of work weeks per year and so if your life
work weeks per year and so if your life
work weeks per year and so if your life isn’t everything it could be you could
isn’t everything it could be you could
isn’t everything it could be you could ask yourself well what would happen if
ask yourself well what would happen if
ask yourself well what would happen if you just stopped wasting the
you just stopped wasting the
you just stopped wasting the opportunities that are in front of you
opportunities that are in front of you
opportunities that are in front of you you be who knows how much more efficient
you be who knows how much more efficient
you be who knows how much more efficient ten times more efficient
ten times more efficient
ten times more efficient twenty times more efficient that’s the
twenty times more efficient that’s the
twenty times more efficient that’s the Pareto distribution you have no idea how
Pareto distribution you have no idea how
Pareto distribution you have no idea how efficient efficient people get it’s
efficient efficient people get it’s
efficient efficient people get it’s completely it’s off the charts it’s not
completely it’s off the charts it’s not
completely it’s off the charts it’s not so obvious to me that people would take
so obvious to me that people would take
so obvious to me that people would take the meaningful path now when you say
the meaningful path now when you say
the meaningful path now when you say well nihilist suffered dreadfully
well nihilist suffered dreadfully
well nihilist suffered dreadfully because there’s no meaning in their life
because there’s no meaning in their life
because there’s no meaning in their life and they still suffer yeah but the
and they still suffer yeah but the
and they still suffer yeah but the advantages they have no responsibility
advantages they have no responsibility
advantages they have no responsibility so that’s the payoff and I actually
so that’s the payoff and I actually
so that’s the payoff and I actually think that’s the motivation say well I
think that’s the motivation say well I
think that’s the motivation say well I can’t help being nihilistic all my
can’t help being nihilistic all my
can’t help being nihilistic all my belief systems have collapsed it’s like
belief systems have collapsed it’s like
belief systems have collapsed it’s like yeah maybe maybe you’ve just allowed
yeah maybe maybe you’ve just allowed
yeah maybe maybe you’ve just allowed them to collapse because it’s a hell of
them to collapse because it’s a hell of
them to collapse because it’s a hell of a lot easier than acting them out and
a lot easier than acting them out and
a lot easier than acting them out and the price you pay is some meaningless
the price you pay is some meaningless
the price you pay is some meaningless suffering but you can always whine about
suffering but you can always whine about
suffering but you can always whine about that and people will feel sorry for you
that and people will feel sorry for you
that and people will feel sorry for you if you live a pathological life you
if you live a pathological life you
if you live a pathological life you pathologize your society and if enough
pathologize your society and if enough
pathologize your society and if enough people do that then it’s hell you’re
people do that then it’s hell you’re
people do that then it’s hell you’re asked to outline the place you’d like to
asked to outline the place you’d like to
asked to outline the place you’d like to end up which is your desired future and
end up which is your desired future and
end up which is your desired future and also the place that you could end up if
also the place that you could end up if
also the place that you could end up if you let everything fall apart is so that
you let everything fall apart is so that
you let everything fall apart is so that your anxiety chases you and your
your anxiety chases you and your
your anxiety chases you and your approach systems pull you forward
approach systems pull you forward
approach systems pull you forward you’re maximally motivated bit and it’s
you’re maximally motivated bit and it’s
you’re maximally motivated bit and it’s important because otherwise you can be
important because otherwise you can be
important because otherwise you can be afraid of pursuing the things that you
afraid of pursuing the things that you
afraid of pursuing the things that you want to pursue right and that’s very
want to pursue right and that’s very
want to pursue right and that’s very common and so then the fear inhibits you
common and so then the fear inhibits you
common and so then the fear inhibits you as the promise pulls you forward but it
as the promise pulls you forward but it
as the promise pulls you forward but it makes you weak because you’re afraid you
makes you weak because you’re afraid you
makes you weak because you’re afraid you want to get your fear behind you pushing
want to get your fear behind you pushing
want to get your fear behind you pushing you and so what you want to be is afraid
you and so what you want to be is afraid
you and so what you want to be is afraid more afraid of not pursuing your goals
more afraid of not pursuing your goals
more afraid of not pursuing your goals than you are of pursuing them putting
than you are of pursuing them putting
than you are of pursuing them putting yourself in a challenging mind frame is
yourself in a challenging mind frame is
yourself in a challenging mind frame is much better much easier on you cycle
much better much easier on you cycle
much better much easier on you cycle physiologically because you don’t
physiologically because you don’t
physiologically because you don’t produce you don’t go into the
produce you don’t go into the
produce you don’t go into the generalized stress response to the same
generalized stress response to the same
generalized stress response to the same degree and you’re activating your
degree and you’re activating your
degree and you’re activating your exploratory and seeking systems which
exploratory and seeking systems which
exploratory and seeking systems which are dopaminergic Lee mediated and that
are dopaminergic Lee mediated and that
are dopaminergic Lee mediated and that involve positive emotion so if you can
involve positive emotion so if you can
involve positive emotion so if you can face something voluntarily rather than
face something voluntarily rather than
face something voluntarily rather than having it chase you it’s way better for
having it chase you it’s way better for
having it chase you it’s way better for you psycho physiologically so that’s
you psycho physiologically so that’s
you psycho physiologically so that’s partly why well it’s worthwhile to go
partly why well it’s worthwhile to go
partly why well it’s worthwhile to go find the dragon in its lair instead of
find the dragon in its lair instead of
find the dragon in its lair instead of waiting for it to come and eat you so
waiting for it to come and eat you so
waiting for it to come and eat you so and especially when you also add the
and especially when you also add the
and especially when you also add the idea that if you go find the dragon in
idea that if you go find the dragon in
idea that if you go find the dragon in its lair you might find it when it’s a
its lair you might find it when it’s a
its lair you might find it when it’s a baby instead of a full-fledged bloody
baby instead of a full-fledged bloody
baby instead of a full-fledged bloody monster that is definitely gonna take
monster that is definitely gonna take
monster that is definitely gonna take you down don’t avoid small problems that
you down don’t avoid small problems that
you down don’t avoid small problems that you know are there face them because
you know are there face them because
you know are there face them because they’ll grow into big problems all by
they’ll grow into big problems all by
they’ll grow into big problems all by themselves and you can think about
themselves and you can think about
themselves and you can think about imagine the tax department sends you a
imagine the tax department sends you a
imagine the tax department sends you a notification you owe them like three
notification you owe them like three
notification you owe them like three hundred dollars well it’s you know
hundred dollars well it’s you know
hundred dollars well it’s you know that’s annoying maybe you don’t even
that’s annoying maybe you don’t even
that’s annoying maybe you don’t even want to open the letter or maybe if you
want to open the letter or maybe if you
want to open the letter or maybe if you do you just put it on the shelf but that
do you just put it on the shelf but that
do you just put it on the shelf but that damn thing doesn’t just sit there like a
damn thing doesn’t just sit there like a
damn thing doesn’t just sit there like a piece of paper on the Shelf right you
piece of paper on the Shelf right you
piece of paper on the Shelf right you ignore that for five or six years it’s
ignore that for five or six years it’s
ignore that for five or six years it’s gonna become attached to all sorts of
gonna become attached to all sorts of
gonna become attached to all sorts of horrible things and if you ignore it
horrible things and if you ignore it
horrible things and if you ignore it long enough you get the idea it’s gonna
long enough you get the idea it’s gonna
long enough you get the idea it’s gonna turn into something that is completely
turn into something that is completely
turn into something that is completely unlike the little piece of paper that
unlike the little piece of paper that
unlike the little piece of paper that it’s written on and and many many
it’s written on and and many many
it’s written on and and many many problems in life are like that you’ll
problems in life are like that you’ll
problems in life are like that you’ll see they’ll you’ll see that
see they’ll you’ll see that
see they’ll you’ll see that they popped their ugly little head up
they popped their ugly little head up
they popped their ugly little head up and you know and you might want to turn
and you know and you might want to turn
and you know and you might want to turn away my not a want not want to think
away my not a want not want to think
away my not a want not want to think about it which is the easiest way of
about it which is the easiest way of
about it which is the easiest way of turning away right you just don’t attend
turning away right you just don’t attend
turning away right you just don’t attend to it you know if you could have your
to it you know if you could have your
to it you know if you could have your life the way you wanted it in three to
life the way you wanted it in three to
life the way you wanted it in three to five years if you were taking care of
five years if you were taking care of
five years if you were taking care of yourself properly you know what would
yourself properly you know what would
yourself properly you know what would you want from your friendships what
you want from your friendships what
you want from your friendships what would you want from your intimate
would you want from your intimate
would you want from your intimate relationship how would you like to
relationship how would you like to
relationship how would you like to structure your family what do you want
structure your family what do you want
structure your family what do you want for your career well how are you going
for your career well how are you going
for your career well how are you going to use your time outside of your job and
to use your time outside of your job and
to use your time outside of your job and how are you gonna regulate your mental
how are you gonna regulate your mental
how are you gonna regulate your mental physical mental and physical health and
physical mental and physical health and
physical mental and physical health and maybe also your drug and alcohol use
maybe also your drug and alcohol use
maybe also your drug and alcohol use because that’s that’s a good place to
because that’s that’s a good place to
because that’s that’s a good place to auger down you know because alcoholism
auger down you know because alcoholism
auger down you know because alcoholism for example wipes out you know five to
for example wipes out you know five to
for example wipes out you know five to ten percent of people so you want to
ten percent of people so you want to
ten percent of people so you want to keep that under control and then and
keep that under control and then and
keep that under control and then and then so maybe you know you you you
then so maybe you know you you you
then so maybe you know you you you develop a vision of what your life what
develop a vision of what your life what
develop a vision of what your life what you would like your life to be and that
you would like your life to be and that
you would like your life to be and that associates the so the goal well once the
associates the so the goal well once the
associates the so the goal well once the goal is established and then you break
goal is established and then you break
goal is established and then you break down the goal into micro processes that
down the goal into micro processes that
down the goal into micro processes that you can implement the micro process has
you can implement the micro process has
you can implement the micro process has become rewarding in relation to their
become rewarding in relation to their
become rewarding in relation to their causal association with the goal and
causal association with the goal and
causal association with the goal and that tangles in your your incentive
that tangles in your your incentive
that tangles in your your incentive reward system and that’s the thing that
reward system and that’s the thing that
reward system and that’s the thing that keeps you moving forward and the way it
keeps you moving forward and the way it
keeps you moving forward and the way it works is that it works better if it
works is that it works better if it
works is that it works better if it produces positive emotion when it can
produces positive emotion when it can
produces positive emotion when it can see you moving towards a valued goal
see you moving towards a valued goal
see you moving towards a valued goal okay well what’s the implication of that
okay well what’s the implication of that
okay well what’s the implication of that better have a valued goal because
better have a valued goal because
better have a valued goal because otherwise you can’t get any positive
otherwise you can’t get any positive
otherwise you can’t get any positive motivation working out and so the more
motivation working out and so the more
motivation working out and so the more valuable the goal in principle the more
valuable the goal in principle the more
valuable the goal in principle the more the micro process is associated with
the micro process is associated with
the micro process is associated with that goal start to take on a positive
that goal start to take on a positive
that goal start to take on a positive charge and so what that means is well
charge and so what that means is well
charge and so what that means is well you get up in the morning and you’re
you get up in the morning and you’re
you get up in the morning and you’re excited about the day you’re ready to go
excited about the day you’re ready to go
excited about the day you’re ready to go and so as far as I can tell what you do
and so as far as I can tell what you do
and so as far as I can tell what you do is you specify your long term ideal
is you specify your long term ideal
is you specify your long term ideal maybe you also specify a place you want
maybe you also specify a place you want
maybe you also specify a place you want to stay the hell away from so that
to stay the hell away from so that
to stay the hell away from so that you’re terrified to fail as well as
you’re terrified to fail as well as
you’re terrified to fail as well as excited about succeeding because that’s
excited about succeeding because that’s
excited about succeeding because that’s also useful you specify your goal you do
also useful you specify your goal you do
also useful you specify your goal you do that you do that in some sense as a
that you do that in some sense as a
that you do that in some sense as a unique individual you want to you want
unique individual you want to you want
unique individual you want to you want to specify goals that make you say oh if
to specify goals that make you say oh if
to specify goals that make you say oh if that could happen as a consequence of my
that could happen as a consequence of my
that could happen as a consequence of my efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile because the question always is why do
because the question always is why do
because the question always is why do something because doing nothing is easy
something because doing nothing is easy
something because doing nothing is easy you just sit there and you don’t do
you just sit there and you don’t do
you just sit there and you don’t do anything that’s real easy the question
anything that’s real easy the question
anything that’s real easy the question is why would you
is why would you
is why would you do anything and the answer to that has
do anything and the answer to that has
do anything and the answer to that has to be because you’ve determined by some
to be because you’ve determined by some
to be because you’ve determined by some means that it’s worthwhile number one
means that it’s worthwhile number one
means that it’s worthwhile number one specify your damn goals because how are
specify your damn goals because how are
specify your damn goals because how are you gonna hit something if you don’t
you gonna hit something if you don’t
you gonna hit something if you don’t know what it is that isn’t going to
know what it is that isn’t going to
know what it is that isn’t going to happen and often people won’t specify
happen and often people won’t specify
happen and often people won’t specify their goals too because they don’t like
their goals too because they don’t like
their goals too because they don’t like to specify conditions for failure so if
to specify conditions for failure so if
to specify conditions for failure so if you keep yourself all vague and foggy
you keep yourself all vague and foggy
you keep yourself all vague and foggy which is real easy because that’s just a
which is real easy because that’s just a
which is real easy because that’s just a matter of not doing as well then you
matter of not doing as well then you
matter of not doing as well then you don’t know when you fail and people
don’t know when you fail and people
don’t know when you fail and people might say well I really don’t want to
might say well I really don’t want to
might say well I really don’t want to know when I fail because that’s painful
know when I fail because that’s painful
know when I fail because that’s painful it so I’ll keep myself blind about when
it so I’ll keep myself blind about when
it so I’ll keep myself blind about when I fail that’s fine except you’ll fail
I fail that’s fine except you’ll fail
I fail that’s fine except you’ll fail all the time then you just won’t know it
all the time then you just won’t know it
all the time then you just won’t know it until you’ve failed so badly that you’re
until you’ve failed so badly that you’re
until you’ve failed so badly that you’re done ok so once you get your goal
done ok so once you get your goal
done ok so once you get your goal structure set up you think ok if I could
structure set up you think ok if I could
structure set up you think ok if I could have this life looks like that might be
have this life looks like that might be
have this life looks like that might be worth living despite the fact that it’s
worth living despite the fact that it’s
worth living despite the fact that it’s going to be you know anxiety provoking
going to be you know anxiety provoking
going to be you know anxiety provoking and threatening and there’s gonna be
and threatening and there’s gonna be
and threatening and there’s gonna be some suffering and loss involved in all
some suffering and loss involved in all
some suffering and loss involved in all of that obviously the goal is to have a
of that obviously the goal is to have a
of that obviously the goal is to have a vision for your life such that all
vision for your life such that all
vision for your life such that all things considered that justifies your
things considered that justifies your
things considered that justifies your effort ok so then what do you do well
effort ok so then what do you do well
effort ok so then what do you do well then then you turn down to the micro
then then you turn down to the micro
then then you turn down to the micro routines it’s like ok well this is what
routines it’s like ok well this is what
routines it’s like ok well this is what I’m aiming for how does that instantiate
I’m aiming for how does that instantiate
I’m aiming for how does that instantiate itself day to day week to week month to
itself day to day week to week month to
itself day to day week to week month to month and that’s where something like a
month and that’s where something like a
month and that’s where something like a schedule can be unbelievably useful
schedule can be unbelievably useful
schedule can be unbelievably useful Google Calendar
Google Calendar
Google Calendar it’s like naked am schedule and stick to
it’s like naked am schedule and stick to
it’s like naked am schedule and stick to it ok so what’s the rule with the
it ok so what’s the rule with the
it ok so what’s the rule with the schedule it’s not a bloody prison that’s
schedule it’s not a bloody prison that’s
schedule it’s not a bloody prison that’s the first thing that people do wrong is
the first thing that people do wrong is
the first thing that people do wrong is say well I don’t like to have to follow
say well I don’t like to have to follow
say well I don’t like to have to follow a schedule it’s like well what kind of
a schedule it’s like well what kind of
a schedule it’s like well what kind of schedule are you setting up well I
schedule are you setting up well I
schedule are you setting up well I should I have to do this then I have to
should I have to do this then I have to
should I have to do this then I have to do this then I have to do this you know
do this then I have to do this you know
do this then I have to do this you know and then I just go play video games
and then I just go play video games
and then I just go play video games because who wants to do all these things
because who wants to do all these things
because who wants to do all these things that I have to do it’s like wrong set
that I have to do it’s like wrong set
that I have to do it’s like wrong set the damn schedule up so that you have
the damn schedule up so that you have
the damn schedule up so that you have the day you want what’s the right ratio
the day you want what’s the right ratio
the day you want what’s the right ratio of responsibility to reward and you can
of responsibility to reward and you can
of responsibility to reward and you can ask yourself that just like you’d
ask yourself that just like you’d
ask yourself that just like you’d negotiate with someone who is working
negotiate with someone who is working
negotiate with someone who is working for you it’s like ok guy work tomorrow
for you it’s like ok guy work tomorrow
for you it’s like ok guy work tomorrow ok so I want you to work tomorrow and
ok so I want you to work tomorrow and
ok so I want you to work tomorrow and you might say ok well what are you gonna
you might say ok well what are you gonna
you might say ok well what are you gonna do for me that makes it likely that I’ll
do for me that makes it likely that I’ll
do for me that makes it likely that I’ll work for you well you could ask yourself
work for you well you could ask yourself
work for you well you could ask yourself that you know maybe you do an hour of
that you know maybe you do an hour of
that you know maybe you do an hour of responsibility and then you play a video
responsibility and then you play a video
responsibility and then you play a video game for 15 minutes I don’t know
game for 15 minutes I don’t know
game for 15 minutes I don’t know whatever turns your crank man but you
whatever turns your crank man but you
whatever turns your crank man but you know you have to negotiate with yourself
know you have to negotiate with yourself
know you have to negotiate with yourself and not
and not
and not tyrannize yourself like you’re
tyrannize yourself like you’re
tyrannize yourself like you’re negotiating with someone that you care
negotiating with someone that you care
negotiating with someone that you care for that you would like to be productive
for that you would like to be productive
for that you would like to be productive and have a good life and and that’s how
and have a good life and and that’s how
and have a good life and and that’s how you make the schedule it’s like and then
you make the schedule it’s like and then
you make the schedule it’s like and then you look at the day and you think well
you look at the day and you think well
you look at the day and you think well if I had that day that’d be good great
if I had that day that’d be good great
if I had that day that’d be good great you know and you you’re useless and
you know and you you’re useless and
you know and you you’re useless and horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it with about 70 percent accuracy but that
with about 70 percent accuracy but that
with about 70 percent accuracy but that beats the hell out of zero right and if
beats the hell out of zero right and if
beats the hell out of zero right and if you hit it even with 50 percent accuracy
you hit it even with 50 percent accuracy
you hit it even with 50 percent accuracy another rule is well aim for 51 percent
another rule is well aim for 51 percent
another rule is well aim for 51 percent the next week or 50 and a half percent
the next week or 50 and a half percent
the next week or 50 and a half percent for God’s sake or because you’re gonna
for God’s sake or because you’re gonna
for God’s sake or because you’re gonna hit that position where things start to
hit that position where things start to
hit that position where things start to loop back positively and spiral you
loop back positively and spiral you
loop back positively and spiral you upward and so so that’s one way that you
upward and so so that’s one way that you
upward and so so that’s one way that you can work on your conscientiousness
can work on your conscientiousness
can work on your conscientiousness there’s a plan of life you’d like to
there’s a plan of life you’d like to
there’s a plan of life you’d like to have the other way you do that is by
have the other way you do that is by
have the other way you do that is by having a little conversation with
having a little conversation with
having a little conversation with yourself about as if you don’t really
yourself about as if you don’t really
yourself about as if you don’t really know who you are because you know what
know who you are because you know what
know who you are because you know what you like you won’t do what you’re told
you like you won’t do what you’re told
you like you won’t do what you’re told you won’t do what you tell yourself to
you won’t do what you tell yourself to
you won’t do what you tell yourself to do you must have noticed that it’s like
do you must have noticed that it’s like
do you must have noticed that it’s like you’re a bad employee and a worse boss
you’re a bad employee and a worse boss
you’re a bad employee and a worse boss and both of those work you know for you
and both of those work you know for you
and both of those work you know for you you don’t know what you want to do and
you don’t know what you want to do and
you don’t know what you want to do and then when you tell yourself what to do
then when you tell yourself what to do
then when you tell yourself what to do you don’t do it anyway so you should
you don’t do it anyway so you should
you don’t do it anyway so you should fire yourself and find someone else to
fire yourself and find someone else to
fire yourself and find someone else to beat but but you know my point is is
beat but but you know my point is is
beat but but you know my point is is that you have to understand that you’re
that you have to understand that you’re
that you have to understand that you’re not your own servant so to speak you’re
not your own servant so to speak you’re
not your own servant so to speak you’re someone that you have to negotiate with
someone that you have to negotiate with
someone that you have to negotiate with and that’s and you’re someone that you
and that’s and you’re someone that you
and that’s and you’re someone that you want to present the opportunity of
want to present the opportunity of
want to present the opportunity of having a good life to and that’s hard
having a good life to and that’s hard
having a good life to and that’s hard for people because they don’t like
for people because they don’t like
for people because they don’t like themselves very much so you know they’re
themselves very much so you know they’re
themselves very much so you know they’re always like cracking the whip and then
always like cracking the whip and then
always like cracking the whip and then procrastinating and cracking the whip
procrastinating and cracking the whip
procrastinating and cracking the whip and then procrastinating and it’s like
and then procrastinating and it’s like
and then procrastinating and it’s like god it’s so boring and such a pathetic
god it’s so boring and such a pathetic
god it’s so boring and such a pathetic way of spending your time and you know
way of spending your time and you know
way of spending your time and you know what that’s like because you probably
what that’s like because you probably
what that’s like because you probably waste like six hours a day and I think
waste like six hours a day and I think
waste like six hours a day and I think we did an economic calculation about
we did an economic calculation about
we did an economic calculation about that a while back right your time is
that a while back right your time is
that a while back right your time is probably worth 50 bucks an hour
probably worth 50 bucks an hour
probably worth 50 bucks an hour something like that I mean you’re not
something like that I mean you’re not
something like that I mean you’re not getting paid that now but you’re young
getting paid that now but you’re young
getting paid that now but you’re young and so this is investment time and what
and so this is investment time and what
and so this is investment time and what you do now is going to multiply its
you do now is going to multiply its
you do now is going to multiply its effects in the future so so let’s say
effects in the future so so let’s say
effects in the future so so let’s say it’s 50 bucks an hour which is perfectly
it’s 50 bucks an hour which is perfectly
it’s 50 bucks an hour which is perfectly reasonable so if you waste six hours a
reasonable so if you waste six hours a
reasonable so if you waste six hours a day and you are then you’re wasting
day and you are then you’re wasting
day and you are then you’re wasting about two thousand dollars a week or
about two thousand dollars a week or
about two thousand dollars a week or about $100,000 a year so like go ahead
about $100,000 a year so like go ahead
about $100,000 a year so like go ahead but that’s what it’s costing you every
but that’s what it’s costing you every
but that’s what it’s costing you every hour and you need to know what your damn
hour and you need to know what your damn
hour and you need to know what your damn time is worth so let’s say it’s not 50
time is worth so let’s say it’s not 50
time is worth so let’s say it’s not 50 bucks it’s 30
bucks it’s 30
bucks it’s 30 whatever maybe it’s a hundred it’s
whatever maybe it’s a hundred it’s
whatever maybe it’s a hundred it’s somewhere in that range one of the
somewhere in that range one of the
somewhere in that range one of the things you should be asking yourself is
things you should be asking yourself is
things you should be asking yourself is when you spend an hour was that well
when you spend an hour was that well
when you spend an hour was that well what have I paid someone 50 bucks to
what have I paid someone 50 bucks to
what have I paid someone 50 bucks to have had that hour and if the answer is
have had that hour and if the answer is
have had that hour and if the answer is no it’s like well maybe you should do
no it’s like well maybe you should do
no it’s like well maybe you should do something else with your time and it
something else with your time and it
something else with your time and it depends on whether or not you think that
depends on whether or not you think that
depends on whether or not you think that your time is worthwhile but the funny
your time is worthwhile but the funny
your time is worthwhile but the funny thing about not assuming that is if you
thing about not assuming that is if you
thing about not assuming that is if you assume your time isn’t worthwhile what
assume your time isn’t worthwhile what
assume your time isn’t worthwhile what happens is you don’t just sit around
happens is you don’t just sit around
happens is you don’t just sit around sort of randomly in a state of
sort of randomly in a state of
sort of randomly in a state of responsibility list bliss what you do is
responsibility list bliss what you do is
responsibility list bliss what you do is you suffer existentially and so that
you suffer existentially and so that
you suffer existentially and so that seems like a stupid solution
seems like a stupid solution
seems like a stupid solution imagine someone that you treat well that
imagine someone that you treat well that
imagine someone that you treat well that you love then try to treat yourself that
you love then try to treat yourself that
you love then try to treat yourself that way you got to detach from yourself a
way you got to detach from yourself a
way you got to detach from yourself a bit you got to think okay well I’m a
bit you got to think okay well I’m a
bit you got to think okay well I’m a person among other people and I deserve
person among other people and I deserve
person among other people and I deserve at least as much respect as a person
at least as much respect as a person
at least as much respect as a person among other people and I should be
among other people and I should be
among other people and I should be trying to help myself across time and
trying to help myself across time and
trying to help myself across time and instead of being self contemptuous and
instead of being self contemptuous and
instead of being self contemptuous and self-destructive I need to take care of
self-destructive I need to take care of
self-destructive I need to take care of myself
myself
myself as if I’m potentially valuable and to
as if I’m potentially valuable and to
as if I’m potentially valuable and to lay out my life that way and so that’s
lay out my life that way and so that’s
lay out my life that way and so that’s what that’s that chapter is about and
what that’s that chapter is about and
what that’s that chapter is about and it’s it it’s hard for people you know
it’s it it’s hard for people you know
it’s it it’s hard for people you know they don’t take care of themselves as
they don’t take care of themselves as
they don’t take care of themselves as well as they should and I don’t mean you
well as they should and I don’t mean you
well as they should and I don’t mean you know take care of yourself I mean that
know take care of yourself I mean that
know take care of yourself I mean that is what I mean it’s like it’s not a
is what I mean it’s like it’s not a
is what I mean it’s like it’s not a moralistic attack it’s like it’s an
moralistic attack it’s like it’s an
moralistic attack it’s like it’s an encouragement to give yourself a bit of
encouragement to give yourself a bit of
encouragement to give yourself a bit of the benefit of the doubt and it means
the benefit of the doubt and it means
the benefit of the doubt and it means take care of your room take care of your
take care of your room take care of your
take care of your room take care of your things like have some respect for
things like have some respect for
things like have some respect for yourself as a as a well I would say in
yourself as a as a well I would say in
yourself as a as a well I would say in some sense as a miraculous being because
some sense as a miraculous being because
some sense as a miraculous being because that is actually what you are there is a
that is actually what you are there is a
that is actually what you are there is a lot of potential within you and there’s
lot of potential within you and there’s
lot of potential within you and there’s many things that you can do and you’re
many things that you can do and you’re
many things that you can do and you’re necessary you’re necessary more than you
necessary you’re necessary more than you
necessary you’re necessary more than you think to the unfolding of things like if
think to the unfolding of things like if
think to the unfolding of things like if you make a bunch of bad decisions things
you make a bunch of bad decisions things
you make a bunch of bad decisions things get worse not just for you like things
get worse not just for you like things
get worse not just for you like things get worse and maybe way worse like I
get worse and maybe way worse like I
get worse and maybe way worse like I don’t know what mistakes talons mother
don’t know what mistakes talons mother
don’t know what mistakes talons mother made you know and she brought he didn’t
made you know and she brought he didn’t
made you know and she brought he didn’t necessarily think they were that
necessarily think they were that
necessarily think they were that important but it turned out they were
important but it turned out they were
important but it turned out they were pretty important mm-hmm you don’t know
pretty important mm-hmm you don’t know
pretty important mm-hmm you don’t know how your
how your
how your actions echo and so it matters what you
actions echo and so it matters what you
actions echo and so it matters what you do and and so part of what you do is you
do and and so part of what you do is you
do and and so part of what you do is you want to treat yourself as if what you do
want to treat yourself as if what you do
want to treat yourself as if what you do matters
”
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