I quit school at ninth grade I great marks I was a smart kid but I didn’t
marks I was a smart kid but I didn’t
marks I was a smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t want teaching what I
care they didn’t want teaching what I
care they didn’t want teaching what I want I didn’t give you it’s important in
want I didn’t give you it’s important in
want I didn’t give you it’s important in life if you don’t give it it can help
life if you don’t give it it can help
life if you don’t give it it can help you a lot I’m an entertainer first and
you a lot I’m an entertainer first and
you a lot I’m an entertainer first and foremost but there’s art involved here
foremost but there’s art involved here
foremost but there’s art involved here and an artist has an obligation to be on
and an artist has an obligation to be on
and an artist has an obligation to be on route to be going somewhere there’s a
route to be going somewhere there’s a
route to be going somewhere there’s a journey involved the verge of failure
journey involved the verge of failure
journey involved the verge of failure that were on is because two wonderful
that were on is because two wonderful
that were on is because two wonderful qualities that made us a successful
qualities that made us a successful
qualities that made us a successful species cooperation and competition a
species cooperation and competition a
species cooperation and competition a way out of balance we decided to quit
way out of balance we decided to quit
way out of balance we decided to quit radio because we’ll go to Hollywood it’d
radio because we’ll go to Hollywood it’d
radio because we’ll go to Hollywood it’d become stars
become stars
become stars he was an American comedian actor social
he was an American comedian actor social
he was an American comedian actor social critic and author he’s widely regarded
critic and author he’s widely regarded
critic and author he’s widely regarded as one of the most important and
as one of the most important and
as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians of all
influential stand-up comedians of all
influential stand-up comedians of all time he was known for his black comedy
time he was known for his black comedy
time he was known for his black comedy and his thoughts on psychology politics
and his thoughts on psychology politics
and his thoughts on psychology politics religion and various taboo subjects he’s
religion and various taboo subjects he’s
religion and various taboo subjects he’s George Carlin and here’s my take on his
George Carlin and here’s my take on his
George Carlin and here’s my take on his top ten rules for success rule number
top ten rules for success rule number
top ten rules for success rule number one is my personal favorite and I’m
one is my personal favorite and I’m
one is my personal favorite and I’m curious to figure out which one you guys
curious to figure out which one you guys
curious to figure out which one you guys like the best also as George is talking
like the best also as George is talking
like the best also as George is talking if he says something really meaningful
if he says something really meaningful
if he says something really meaningful to you really moving their inspiring try
to you really moving their inspiring try
to you really moving their inspiring try to copy and paste it into the comments
to copy and paste it into the comments
to copy and paste it into the comments below and put quotes around it so other
below and put quotes around it so other
below and put quotes around it so other people can be inspired as well I was a
people can be inspired as well I was a
people can be inspired as well I was a victim of my own success and I did some
victim of my own success and I did some
victim of my own success and I did some ed Sullivan’s I hate on those Ed
ed Sullivan’s I hate on those Ed
ed Sullivan’s I hate on those Ed Sullivan shows I began to realize not
Sullivan shows I began to realize not
Sullivan shows I began to realize not just there everywhere all these shows I
just there everywhere all these shows I
just there everywhere all these shows I didn’t fit and here’s what I was missing
didn’t fit and here’s what I was missing
didn’t fit and here’s what I was missing I was missing who I was I began with a
I was missing who I was I began with a
I was missing who I was I began with a dream of being Danny Kaye which is a
dream of being Danny Kaye which is a
dream of being Danny Kaye which is a very mainstream dream it’s very Middle
very mainstream dream it’s very Middle
very mainstream dream it’s very Middle America it’s a people pleaser job and I
America it’s a people pleaser job and I
America it’s a people pleaser job and I dreamed a path that was traditional
dreamed a path that was traditional
dreamed a path that was traditional comedian a disc jockey comedian actor
comedian a disc jockey comedian actor
comedian a disc jockey comedian actor big success a mainstream dream meanwhile
big success a mainstream dream meanwhile
big success a mainstream dream meanwhile what I really was was an outlaw and a
what I really was was an outlaw and a
what I really was was an outlaw and a rebel because I had lived there they got
rebel because I had lived there they got
rebel because I had lived there they got that kind of life I got kicked out of
that kind of life I got kicked out of
that kind of life I got kicked out of three different schools I got kicked out
three different schools I got kicked out
three different schools I got kicked out of the Air Force I got kicked out of the
of the Air Force I got kicked out of the
of the Air Force I got kicked out of the choir I got kicked out of the altar boys
choir I got kicked out of the altar boys
choir I got kicked out of the altar boys and kicked out a customer camp I got
and kicked out a customer camp I got
and kicked out a customer camp I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts and I quit
kicked out of the Boy Scouts and I quit
kicked out of the Boy Scouts and I quit school at ninth grade a great marks I
school at ninth grade a great marks I
school at ninth grade a great marks I was
was
was smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t
smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t
smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t want teaching what I want I didn’t give
want teaching what I want I didn’t give
want teaching what I want I didn’t give you it’s important in life if you don’t
you it’s important in life if you don’t
you it’s important in life if you don’t give it it can help you a lot so I
give it it can help you a lot so I
give it it can help you a lot so I didn’t give it and I was this kind of I
didn’t give it and I was this kind of I
didn’t give it and I was this kind of I was a pot smoker when I was 13 we broke
was a pot smoker when I was 13 we broke
was a pot smoker when I was 13 we broke the law we broke into cars we broke into
the law we broke into cars we broke into
the law we broke into cars we broke into offices we broke into Columbia
offices we broke into Columbia
offices we broke into Columbia University we broke into stores we did
University we broke into stores we did
University we broke into stores we did all sorts of unlawful things and I was
all sorts of unlawful things and I was
all sorts of unlawful things and I was that kind of person I was one who swam
that kind of person I was one who swam
that kind of person I was one who swam against the tide of what is expected and
against the tide of what is expected and
against the tide of what is expected and what is but the establishment wants from
what is but the establishment wants from
what is but the establishment wants from us but I didn’t know that about myself
us but I didn’t know that about myself
us but I didn’t know that about myself because his dream blinded me this dream
because his dream blinded me this dream
because his dream blinded me this dream was about America about the path then we
was about America about the path then we
was about America about the path then we all follow the middle of the road middle
all follow the middle of the road middle
all follow the middle of the road middle class America mainstream will dream and
class America mainstream will dream and
class America mainstream will dream and being Wayne while I’m sitting there like
being Wayne while I’m sitting there like
being Wayne while I’m sitting there like this you know those people that look at
this you know those people that look at
this you know those people that look at this stupid no I don’t want to be in the
this stupid no I don’t want to be in the
this stupid no I don’t want to be in the Bunny number can I get out of the bunny
Bunny number can I get out of the bunny
Bunny number can I get out of the bunny number please I don’t want to put on the
number please I don’t want to put on the
number please I don’t want to put on the uniform you know and and and I didn’t
uniform you know and and and I didn’t
uniform you know and and and I didn’t know this dissonance was inside me and
know this dissonance was inside me and
know this dissonance was inside me and in the period this is happening all
in the period this is happening all
in the period this is happening all through the 60s the counterculture was
through the 60s the counterculture was
through the 60s the counterculture was forming the Free Speech Movement started
forming the Free Speech Movement started
forming the Free Speech Movement started in Berkeley the hippies were growing
in Berkeley the hippies were growing
in Berkeley the hippies were growing into a force and peace love power blow
into a force and peace love power blow
into a force and peace love power blow flower power pot smoke and anti
flower power pot smoke and anti
flower power pot smoke and anti authorities he’d been gaming
authorities he’d been gaming
authorities he’d been gaming anti-authority Pro over the
anti-authority Pro over the
anti-authority Pro over the establishment burned down the math
establishment burned down the math
establishment burned down the math building Wow ding ding ding ding ding
building Wow ding ding ding ding ding
building Wow ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding
ding ding so I gravitated toward that because I
so I gravitated toward that because I
so I gravitated toward that because I was that person really and and the
was that person really and and the
was that person really and and the people I hung around with were that way
people I hung around with were that way
people I hung around with were that way the musicians I knew in the late 50s had
the musicians I knew in the late 50s had
the musicians I knew in the late 50s had gone through that transition suddenly
gone through that transition suddenly
gone through that transition suddenly they look different and their music
they look different and their music
they look different and their music change and I’m listening to people like
change and I’m listening to people like
change and I’m listening to people like the Buffalo Springfield I listen to Bob
the Buffalo Springfield I listen to Bob
the Buffalo Springfield I listen to Bob Dylan listen these people in there I
Dylan listen these people in there I
Dylan listen these people in there I realize these artists are using their
realize these artists are using their
realize these artists are using their talent to project their feelings and
talent to project their feelings and
talent to project their feelings and ideas not just please people and I
ideas not just please people and I
ideas not just please people and I suddenly was able to see my place and to
suddenly was able to see my place and to
suddenly was able to see my place and to realize I was in the wrong place you see
realize I was in the wrong place you see
realize I was in the wrong place you see in 1967 the Summer of Love the peak of
in 1967 the Summer of Love the peak of
in 1967 the Summer of Love the peak of the hippie movement I was 30 I was
the hippie movement I was 30 I was
the hippie movement I was 30 I was entertaining people in nightclubs who
entertaining people in nightclubs who
entertaining people in nightclubs who were 40 and they were at war with their
were 40 and they were at war with their
were 40 and they were at war with their kids who were 20 the
kids who were 20 the
kids who were 20 the a generation war I was in the middle of
a generation war I was in the middle of
a generation war I was in the middle of it I was 32 2040 and I’m gonna be doing
it I was 32 2040 and I’m gonna be doing
it I was 32 2040 and I’m gonna be doing over here these are the people that will
over here these are the people that will
over here these are the people that will at least understand me and give me a
at least understand me and give me a
at least understand me and give me a chance
chance
chance so it took two years I didn’t go to the
so it took two years I didn’t go to the
so it took two years I didn’t go to the mountain and come back different I
mountain and come back different I
mountain and come back different I didn’t do a Bobby down they didn’t do a
didn’t do a Bobby down they didn’t do a
didn’t do a Bobby down they didn’t do a whatever you both people who just go
whatever you both people who just go
whatever you both people who just go away and they’re back new suddenly I
away and they’re back new suddenly I
away and they’re back new suddenly I took two years to change it it happened
took two years to change it it happened
took two years to change it it happened on television so it was if I had I
on television so it was if I had I
on television so it was if I had I denied that part of myself and finally
denied that part of myself and finally
denied that part of myself and finally it came into full flower and I never
it came into full flower and I never
it came into full flower and I never became a really big success until that I
became a really big success until that I
became a really big success until that I probably had 200 television appearances
probably had 200 television appearances
probably had 200 television appearances by that time and I still wasn’t realized
by that time and I still wasn’t realized
by that time and I still wasn’t realized as a writer comedian as a comedian by
as a writer comedian as a comedian by
as a writer comedian as a comedian by that I mean I hadn’t let myself grow
that I mean I hadn’t let myself grow
that I mean I hadn’t let myself grow into that and and I found out later I
into that and and I found out later I
into that and and I found out later I was more than just a comedian this was a
was more than just a comedian this was a
was more than just a comedian this was a turning point in my life and it’s one
turning point in my life and it’s one
turning point in my life and it’s one that people should know about when I was
that people should know about when I was
that people should know about when I was a young boy I was a mimic and I could
a young boy I was a mimic and I could
a young boy I was a mimic and I could imitate people in the neighborhood
imitate people in the neighborhood
imitate people in the neighborhood authority figures teachers shop owners
authority figures teachers shop owners
authority figures teachers shop owners other parents tops on the beat and
other parents tops on the beat and
other parents tops on the beat and people on television do little
people on television do little
people on television do little limitations there were largely
limitations there were largely
limitations there were largely imitations of other people doing
imitations of other people doing
imitations of other people doing imitations that’s how you learn to do
imitations that’s how you learn to do
imitations that’s how you learn to do Jimmy Cagney you see another guy do it
Jimmy Cagney you see another guy do it
Jimmy Cagney you see another guy do it on stage he you say okay and you copy
on stage he you say okay and you copy
on stage he you say okay and you copy him it’s easier because they point out
him it’s easier because they point out
him it’s easier because they point out the highlights of sweet but neighborhood
the highlights of sweet but neighborhood
the highlights of sweet but neighborhood stuff i I was kind of the class clown in
stuff i I was kind of the class clown in
stuff i I was kind of the class clown in this in school and then after school I
this in school and then after school I
this in school and then after school I was kind of like the neighborhood
was kind of like the neighborhood
was kind of like the neighborhood wiseguy one one of the neighborhood
wiseguy one one of the neighborhood
wiseguy one one of the neighborhood wiseguys on the street corner and I
wiseguys on the street corner and I
wiseguys on the street corner and I would gather a little audience because I
would gather a little audience because I
would gather a little audience because I would put together little routines I had
would put together little routines I had
would put together little routines I had little parodies that I did I lifted
little parodies that I did I lifted
little parodies that I did I lifted things everyone steals from comedians
things everyone steals from comedians
things everyone steals from comedians when they’re starting so I would steal
when they’re starting so I would steal
when they’re starting so I would steal invitations in Humphrey Bogart and Jimmy
invitations in Humphrey Bogart and Jimmy
invitations in Humphrey Bogart and Jimmy Cagney and Peter Lorre
Cagney and Peter Lorre
Cagney and Peter Lorre and I would do fake commercials that I
and I would do fake commercials that I
and I would do fake commercials that I had heard or read and mad well mad
had heard or read and mad well mad
had heard or read and mad well mad comics came along a little bit later
comics came along a little bit later
comics came along a little bit later there was another magazine called
there was another magazine called
there was another magazine called thousand jokes and I put together little
thousand jokes and I put together little
thousand jokes and I put together little routines and and they would say Georgie
routines and and they would say Georgie
routines and and they would say Georgie hey Georgie do that thing about such and
hey Georgie do that thing about such and
hey Georgie do that thing about such and I would stand up and do it and it would
I would stand up and do it and it would
I would stand up and do it and it would come out differently each time and I
come out differently each time and I
come out differently each time and I developed this ability to
developed this ability to
developed this ability to to stand up in front of a group of
to stand up in front of a group of
to stand up in front of a group of people and get their attention and get
people and get their attention and get
people and get their attention and get their approval that was important to me
their approval that was important to me
their approval that was important to me apparently when I was a little kid I’d
apparently when I was a little kid I’d
apparently when I was a little kid I’d go to my mother’s office and I and she
go to my mother’s office and I and she
go to my mother’s office and I and she said imitate Mae West do the imitations
said imitate Mae West do the imitations
said imitate Mae West do the imitations do the imitations and I would do the
do the imitations and I would do the
do the imitations and I would do the imitations for the ladies in her office
imitations for the ladies in her office
imitations for the ladies in her office and they would laugh and I noticed I
and they would laugh and I noticed I
and they would laugh and I noticed I don’t remember noticing this per se but
don’t remember noticing this per se but
don’t remember noticing this per se but I must have noticed that this got me the
I must have noticed that this got me the
I must have noticed that this got me the attention of adults kids don’t forget I
attention of adults kids don’t forget I
attention of adults kids don’t forget I was alone in that house most of the day
was alone in that house most of the day
was alone in that house most of the day when I was in school I came home and I
when I was in school I came home and I
when I was in school I came home and I was alone I got the attention of these
was alone I got the attention of these
was alone I got the attention of these adults and I got their approval through
adults and I got their approval through
adults and I got their approval through their laughter they were more or less
their laughter they were more or less
their laughter they were more or less saying good boy George good going way to
saying good boy George good going way to
saying good boy George good going way to go yes he’s good he’s cute it ain’t I
go yes he’s good he’s cute it ain’t I
go yes he’s good he’s cute it ain’t I cute ain’t I clever that’s what this job
cute ain’t I clever that’s what this job
cute ain’t I clever that’s what this job is so as a youngster I wanted to be a
is so as a youngster I wanted to be a
is so as a youngster I wanted to be a comedian I I was probably only eight or
comedian I I was probably only eight or
comedian I I was probably only eight or nine or ten years old when I began to
nine or ten years old when I began to
nine or ten years old when I began to form an idea that I wanted to be in the
form an idea that I wanted to be in the
form an idea that I wanted to be in the movies like Danny Kaye and like Red
movies like Danny Kaye and like Red
movies like Danny Kaye and like Red Skelton
Skelton
Skelton and B and I call that being an actor but
and B and I call that being an actor but
and B and I call that being an actor but it was actually being a comedian and
it was actually being a comedian and
it was actually being a comedian and pretty soon I found out the word
pretty soon I found out the word
pretty soon I found out the word comedian and I want to be a comedian and
comedian and I want to be a comedian and
comedian and I want to be a comedian and when I graduated from eighth grade the
when I graduated from eighth grade the
when I graduated from eighth grade the last thing I graduated from by the way
last thing I graduated from by the way
last thing I graduated from by the way my mother asked me what I wanted and one
my mother asked me what I wanted and one
my mother asked me what I wanted and one of the brothers at school brother Conrad
of the brothers at school brother Conrad
of the brothers at school brother Conrad had told us that he can get a
had told us that he can get a
had told us that he can get a clergyman’s discount on cameras so I
clergyman’s discount on cameras so I
clergyman’s discount on cameras so I asked him if he could get a clergyman’s
asked him if he could get a clergyman’s
asked him if he could get a clergyman’s discount on tape recorders now this was
discount on tape recorders now this was
discount on tape recorders now this was five years after the second world war
five years after the second world war
five years after the second world war tape recorders had come out as consumer
tape recorders had come out as consumer
tape recorders had come out as consumer items but they were as big as a small
items but they were as big as a small
items but they were as big as a small Buick they were large they were like
Buick they were large they were like
Buick they were large they were like this big and you had to buy them in a
this big and you had to buy them in a
this big and you had to buy them in a showroom up up above the street they
showroom up up above the street they
showroom up up above the street they were announced a sale in stores I bought
were announced a sale in stores I bought
were announced a sale in stores I bought this big webcore long story and I’m
this big webcore long story and I’m
this big webcore long story and I’m keeping it long that
I used it I used it to do voices and do
I used it I used it to do voices and do little sketches and skits and fake radio
little sketches and skits and fake radio
little sketches and skits and fake radio shows and fake newscasts and commercials
shows and fake newscasts and commercials
shows and fake newscasts and commercials and I used it to more or less train
and I used it to more or less train
and I used it to more or less train myself for the thing I wanted to do my
myself for the thing I wanted to do my
myself for the thing I wanted to do my mother was very progressive to have
mother was very progressive to have
mother was very progressive to have bought me that as a graduation present I
bought me that as a graduation present I
bought me that as a graduation present I mean it was but she was a she was a far
mean it was but she was a she was a far
mean it was but she was a she was a far thinker to see that in me and go ahead
thinker to see that in me and go ahead
thinker to see that in me and go ahead and foster that and reward that even
and foster that and reward that even
and foster that and reward that even though she wanted me she didn’t want me
though she wanted me she didn’t want me
though she wanted me she didn’t want me to follow it but she knew it was a
to follow it but she knew it was a
to follow it but she knew it was a healthy thing for me to be doing why do
healthy thing for me to be doing why do
healthy thing for me to be doing why do we still care enough to keep you’re at a
we still care enough to keep you’re at a
we still care enough to keep you’re at a point in your life where you could go
point in your life where you could go
point in your life where you could go back you could do your month in Vegas
back you could do your month in Vegas
back you could do your month in Vegas and Florence Henderson could open up and
and Florence Henderson could open up and
and Florence Henderson could open up and you could go and hit a couple of balls
you could go and hit a couple of balls
you could go and hit a couple of balls and then some pinball
and then some pinball
and then some pinball why you still care so much well I’m not
why you still care so much well I’m not
why you still care so much well I’m not comparing myself to any of these people
comparing myself to any of these people
comparing myself to any of these people believe me but you wouldn’t say to
believe me but you wouldn’t say to
believe me but you wouldn’t say to Picasso why are you gonna put those
Picasso why are you gonna put those
Picasso why are you gonna put those brushes down get rid of the canvas
brushes down get rid of the canvas
brushes down get rid of the canvas you’ve done it you know I’m an
you’ve done it you know I’m an
you’ve done it you know I’m an entertainer first and foremost but
entertainer first and foremost but
entertainer first and foremost but there’s art involved here and an artist
there’s art involved here and an artist
there’s art involved here and an artist has an obligation to be unroot to be
has an obligation to be unroot to be
has an obligation to be unroot to be going somewhere there’s a journey
going somewhere there’s a journey
going somewhere there’s a journey involved here and you don’t know where
involved here and you don’t know where
involved here and you don’t know where it is and that’s the fun so you’re
it is and that’s the fun so you’re
it is and that’s the fun so you’re always going to be seeking and looking
always going to be seeking and looking
always going to be seeking and looking and going and trying to challenge
and going and trying to challenge
and going and trying to challenge yourself so without sitting around
yourself so without sitting around
yourself so without sitting around thinking of that a lot it drives you in
thinking of that a lot it drives you in
thinking of that a lot it drives you in it and it keeps you trying to be fresh
it and it keeps you trying to be fresh
it and it keeps you trying to be fresh trying to be new trying to call on
trying to be new trying to call on
trying to be new trying to call on yourself calling yourself a little more
yourself calling yourself a little more
yourself calling yourself a little more you know write everything down
you know write everything down
you know write everything down you have to write you have to write
you have to write you have to write
you have to write you have to write write write write write write all your
write write write write write all your
write write write write write all your ideas down and classify them my first
ideas down and classify them my first
ideas down and classify them my first boss when I was 18 told me that he said
boss when I was 18 told me that he said
boss when I was 18 told me that he said find a folder put your ideas on paper
find a folder put your ideas on paper
find a folder put your ideas on paper any idea you don’t think you can use it
any idea you don’t think you can use it
any idea you don’t think you can use it now if it seems useful put it down a
now if it seems useful put it down a
now if it seems useful put it down a paper and then classify it because good
paper and then classify it because good
paper and then classify it because good ideas that don’t mean anything unless
ideas that don’t mean anything unless
ideas that don’t mean anything unless you can find them again yeah you can’t
you can find them again yeah you can’t
you can find them again yeah you can’t go through a pile of papers ten years
go through a pile of papers ten years
go through a pile of papers ten years old of notes you have to now you can use
old of notes you have to now you can use
old of notes you have to now you can use a computer I had before that I had index
a computer I had before that I had index
a computer I had before that I had index cards and things you have to be able to
cards and things you have to be able to
cards and things you have to be able to find race religion business government
find race religion business government
find race religion business government politics men and women sex you know all
politics men and women sex you know all
politics men and women sex you know all those categories you break them down
those categories you break them down
those categories you break them down into categories so organize yourself I
into categories so organize yourself I
into categories so organize yourself I think being on this planet one of the
think being on this planet one of the
think being on this planet one of the first things people would say if we were
first things people would say if we were
first things people would say if we were all dumped down here let us say there
all dumped down here let us say there
all dumped down here let us say there were only ten of us
were only ten of us
were only ten of us and we were dropping into this planet
and we were dropping into this planet
and we were dropping into this planet already formed one of the first things
already formed one of the first things
already formed one of the first things we would say what after a moment or two
we would say what after a moment or two
we would say what after a moment or two will be is everybody okay let’s get
will be is everybody okay let’s get
will be is everybody okay let’s get something to eat and that should be the
something to eat and that should be the
something to eat and that should be the first thing any society says is
first thing any society says is
first thing any society says is everybody ok let’s get something to eat
everybody ok let’s get something to eat
everybody ok let’s get something to eat and we don’t because we have this
and we don’t because we have this
and we don’t because we have this private property thing property property
private property thing property property
private property thing property property rights over people’s rights and I just
rights over people’s rights and I just
rights over people’s rights and I just think that that competition got the
think that that competition got the
think that that competition got the upper hand over cooperation this species
upper hand over cooperation this species
upper hand over cooperation this species was successful and that’s part of the
was successful and that’s part of the
was successful and that’s part of the American experiment no as part of the
American experiment no as part of the
American experiment no as part of the human species humans be the the verge of
human species humans be the the verge of
human species humans be the the verge of failure that were on is because two
failure that were on is because two
failure that were on is because two wonderful qualities that made us a
wonderful qualities that made us a
wonderful qualities that made us a successful species cooperation and
successful species cooperation and
successful species cooperation and competition a way out of balance now
competition a way out of balance now
competition a way out of balance now competition is everything cooperation
competition is everything cooperation
competition is everything cooperation happens after a flood happens for a few
happens after a flood happens for a few
happens after a flood happens for a few days and everybody goes back when it
days and everybody goes back when it
days and everybody goes back when it happens right and we need we need to get
happens right and we need we need to get
happens right and we need we need to get that balance back if we can get that
that balance back if we can get that
that balance back if we can get that balance back this was hope you’ve always
balance back this was hope you’ve always
balance back this was hope you’ve always been a planner yeah I had this operation
been a planner yeah I had this operation
been a planner yeah I had this operation plans yeah it’s this optimistic attitude
plans yeah it’s this optimistic attitude
plans yeah it’s this optimistic attitude that if you planted well enough and you
that if you planted well enough and you
that if you planted well enough and you meant well it’s going to happen you
meant well it’s going to happen you
meant well it’s going to happen you believe that well I would only plan
believe that well I would only plan
believe that well I would only plan things I felt you know that obviously
things I felt you know that obviously
things I felt you know that obviously that I wanted and thought I was
that I wanted and thought I was
that I wanted and thought I was qualified for but this is the good
qualified for but this is the good
qualified for but this is the good example this career planning when I was
example this career planning when I was
example this career planning when I was a kid I said well first I’ll be first
a kid I said well first I’ll be first
a kid I said well first I’ll be first I’ll beat and see I wanted to be an
I’ll beat and see I wanted to be an
I’ll beat and see I wanted to be an actor I called it actor because I saw
actor I called it actor because I saw
actor I called it actor because I saw them in the movies and I knew they were
them in the movies and I knew they were
them in the movies and I knew they were movie actors so Danny Kaye and these
movie actors so Danny Kaye and these
movie actors so Danny Kaye and these guys I thought actor okay okay so first
guys I thought actor okay okay so first
guys I thought actor okay okay so first I’ll be a stand-up comedian and don’t
I’ll be a stand-up comedian and don’t
I’ll be a stand-up comedian and don’t forget when I was a kid all the only
forget when I was a kid all the only
forget when I was a kid all the only place stand-up comedians worked was
place stand-up comedians worked was
place stand-up comedians worked was nightclubs those kind of really more or
nightclubs those kind of really more or
nightclubs those kind of really more or less sophisticated places where where
less sophisticated places where where
less sophisticated places where where you saw in the movies you know and
you saw in the movies you know and
you saw in the movies you know and people danced and there was a singer and
people danced and there was a singer and
people danced and there was a singer and there was a comic and and I never got
there was a comic and and I never got
there was a comic and and I never got into those places I was too young and it
into those places I was too young and it
into those places I was too young and it wasn’t in my world so I knew about
wasn’t in my world so I knew about
wasn’t in my world so I knew about comedians from radio and from television
comedians from radio and from television
comedians from radio and from television later but movies when I was a youngster
later but movies when I was a youngster
later but movies when I was a youngster so I aimed at that and I thought well
so I aimed at that and I thought well
so I aimed at that and I thought well the way to get there would be to first
the way to get there would be to first
the way to get there would be to first become first get into radio that would
become first get into radio that would
become first get into radio that would be my first move because then I could
be my first move because then I could
be my first move because then I could practice using my voice and I could
practice using my voice and I could
practice using my voice and I could learn to speak and do a lot of these
learn to speak and do a lot of these
learn to speak and do a lot of these things without a
things without a
things without a audience directly in front of me which
audience directly in front of me which
audience directly in front of me which is the usual thing in radio they’re not
is the usual thing in radio they’re not
is the usual thing in radio they’re not sitting in the studio and therefore I
sitting in the studio and therefore I
sitting in the studio and therefore I wouldn’t be as nervous or afraid and I
wouldn’t be as nervous or afraid and I
wouldn’t be as nervous or afraid and I could kind of build up my confidence and
could kind of build up my confidence and
could kind of build up my confidence and them I could become a stand-up comedian
them I could become a stand-up comedian
them I could become a stand-up comedian because by then there were further
because by then there were further
because by then there were further venues for comedians I thought then I
venues for comedians I thought then I
venues for comedians I thought then I can be a stand-up comedian and then I
can be a stand-up comedian and then I
can be a stand-up comedian and then I can go then if I’m really good at that
can go then if I’m really good at that
can go then if I’m really good at that then they have to let me in the movies
then they have to let me in the movies
then they have to let me in the movies and that was where I looked at they had
and that was where I looked at they had
and that was where I looked at they had to let me in the movies and that was the
to let me in the movies and that was the
to let me in the movies and that was the plan and it became more sophisticated as
plan and it became more sophisticated as
plan and it became more sophisticated as I got went through 13 14 15 years and
I got went through 13 14 15 years and
I got went through 13 14 15 years and and started to actually think of ways to
and started to actually think of ways to
and started to actually think of ways to go about it don’t take no for an answer
go about it don’t take no for an answer
go about it don’t take no for an answer if it’s if you’re not work if it’s not
if it’s if you’re not work if it’s not
if it’s if you’re not work if it’s not working well that night it’s not you
working well that night it’s not you
working well that night it’s not you it’s the audience blame it on the
it’s the audience blame it on the
it’s the audience blame it on the audience because you’ve worked on Friday
audience because you’ve worked on Friday
audience because you’ve worked on Friday night it ought to work on Saturday and
night it ought to work on Saturday and
night it ought to work on Saturday and if it doesn’t it’s their fault it’s over
if it doesn’t it’s their fault it’s over
if it doesn’t it’s their fault it’s over simple but you know what it works as a
simple but you know what it works as a
simple but you know what it works as a formula just go on and do the Sunday
formula just go on and do the Sunday
formula just go on and do the Sunday night show and forget Saturday night
night show and forget Saturday night
night show and forget Saturday night keep kicking them in the nuts you gotta
keep kicking them in the nuts you gotta
keep kicking them in the nuts you gotta have luck in this world part of its your
have luck in this world part of its your
have luck in this world part of its your genetic makeup that’s luck and then what
genetic makeup that’s luck and then what
genetic makeup that’s luck and then what you do with it is also partly genetic
you do with it is also partly genetic
you do with it is also partly genetic because hard work is genetic the desire
because hard work is genetic the desire
because hard work is genetic the desire to do hard work the willingness to work
to do hard work the willingness to work
to do hard work the willingness to work hard and be determined and not be said
hard and be determined and not be said
hard and be determined and not be said not be turned aside
not be turned aside
not be turned aside that’s all genetic – it can be altered
that’s all genetic – it can be altered
that’s all genetic – it can be altered it a little reinforced but some of the
it a little reinforced but some of the
it a little reinforced but some of the people who who had so much edgy promise
people who who had so much edgy promise
people who who had so much edgy promise they died young I mean Lenny Bruce Sam
they died young I mean Lenny Bruce Sam
they died young I mean Lenny Bruce Sam Kinison Andy Kaufman in his way there
Kinison Andy Kaufman in his way there
Kinison Andy Kaufman in his way there are Freddie Prinze John Belushi Bill
are Freddie Prinze John Belushi Bill
are Freddie Prinze John Belushi Bill Hicks right and it’s just I don’t know
Hicks right and it’s just I don’t know
Hicks right and it’s just I don’t know of course Bill had a natural disorder of
of course Bill had a natural disorder of
of course Bill had a natural disorder of his own I think so did Andy but but it’s
his own I think so did Andy but but it’s
his own I think so did Andy but but it’s not always behavior but sometimes it’s
not always behavior but sometimes it’s
not always behavior but sometimes it’s just genetic but it’s just that I think
just genetic but it’s just that I think
just genetic but it’s just that I think there’s a degree of luck and intellect
there’s a degree of luck and intellect
there’s a degree of luck and intellect involved in giving up things that hurt
involved in giving up things that hurt
involved in giving up things that hurt you that the drug and alcohol thing it
you that the drug and alcohol thing it
you that the drug and alcohol thing it seems to me comes down to this drugs and
seems to me comes down to this drugs and
seems to me comes down to this drugs and these things are wonderful they’re
these things are wonderful they’re
these things are wonderful they’re wonderful when you try them first
wonderful when you try them first
wonderful when you try them first they’re not around for all these
they’re not around for all these
they’re not around for all these millennia for no reason first time
millennia for no reason first time
millennia for no reason first time mostly pleasure very little pain maybe a
mostly pleasure very little pain maybe a
mostly pleasure very little pain maybe a hangover and as you increase and keep
hangover and as you increase and keep
hangover and as you increase and keep using whatever it is the pleasure part
using whatever it is the pleasure part
using whatever it is the pleasure part decreases in the pain
decreases in the pain
decreases in the pain part the price you pay increases until
part the price you pay increases until
part the price you pay increases until the balance is completely the other way
the balance is completely the other way
the balance is completely the other way and it’s almost all pain and there’s
and it’s almost all pain and there’s
and it’s almost all pain and there’s hardly any pleasure at that point you
hardly any pleasure at that point you
hardly any pleasure at that point you would hope
would hope
would hope then the intellect says oh oh this does
then the intellect says oh oh this does
then the intellect says oh oh this does it work anymore I’m going to die and
it work anymore I’m going to die and
it work anymore I’m going to die and I’ll do something but you need people
I’ll do something but you need people
I’ll do something but you need people around you who can help you and you need
around you who can help you and you need
around you who can help you and you need something to live for you have to have
something to live for you have to have
something to live for you have to have something to look forward to to bring
something to look forward to to bring
something to look forward to to bring you out you know there’s are a lot of
you out you know there’s are a lot of
you out you know there’s are a lot of people don’t have a lot to live for and
people don’t have a lot to live for and
people don’t have a lot to live for and they’re sort of stuck inside it was out
they’re sort of stuck inside it was out
they’re sort of stuck inside it was out of a job for a while and then I got
of a job for a while and then I got
of a job for a while and then I got called down to a Fort Worth where
called down to a Fort Worth where
called down to a Fort Worth where another guy from radio and in Shreveport
another guy from radio and in Shreveport
another guy from radio and in Shreveport had moved on a Sales Director and he
had moved on a Sales Director and he
had moved on a Sales Director and he wanted me for their station and Fort
wanted me for their station and Fort
wanted me for their station and Fort Worth so he brought me down there so
Worth so he brought me down there so
Worth so he brought me down there so number one station I got the homework
number one station I got the homework
number one station I got the homework shift 7:00 to midnight took all answered
shift 7:00 to midnight took all answered
shift 7:00 to midnight took all answered my own phones took all my own requests
my own phones took all my own requests
my own phones took all my own requests and dedications and suddenly one day
and dedications and suddenly one day
and dedications and suddenly one day Jack Byrnes showed up from Boston he
Jack Byrnes showed up from Boston he
Jack Byrnes showed up from Boston he says he says I’m going out to give
says he says I’m going out to give
says he says I’m going out to give Hollywood one last chance at me that was
Hollywood one last chance at me that was
Hollywood one last chance at me that was his attitude which is the way to look at
his attitude which is the way to look at
his attitude which is the way to look at things and he his tires were bald so he
things and he his tires were bald so he
things and he his tires were bald so he luckily a news job had opened that day
luckily a news job had opened that day
luckily a news job had opened that day and he got that job and he was my
and he got that job and he was my
and he got that job and he was my nighttime newsman and you know the rest
nighttime newsman and you know the rest
nighttime newsman and you know the rest we went down to an after-hours comedy
we went down to an after-hours comedy
we went down to an after-hours comedy joint which was really a coffee house
joint which was really a coffee house
joint which was really a coffee house called the cellar in Fort Worth and we
called the cellar in Fort Worth and we
called the cellar in Fort Worth and we did impromptu sketches every night
did impromptu sketches every night
did impromptu sketches every night impromptu skits and two-man stuff and it
impromptu skits and two-man stuff and it
impromptu skits and two-man stuff and it was so successful we left radio we said
was so successful we left radio we said
was so successful we left radio we said screw this you know we had great jobs we
screw this you know we had great jobs we
screw this you know we had great jobs we were making like 300 400 a week since
were making like 300 400 a week since
were making like 300 400 a week since 1960 and were in Fort Worth a good
1960 and were in Fort Worth a good
1960 and were in Fort Worth a good market and we could have gone on from
market and we could have gone on from
market and we could have gone on from there but we decided to quit radio
there but we decided to quit radio
there but we decided to quit radio because we’ll go to Hollywood and become
because we’ll go to Hollywood and become
because we’ll go to Hollywood and become stars because we have this filthy act
stars because we have this filthy act
stars because we have this filthy act that we did filthy it was just and those
that we did filthy it was just and those
that we did filthy it was just and those days filthy comedy was not didn’t have a
days filthy comedy was not didn’t have a
days filthy comedy was not didn’t have a market for it at all and there we were
market for it at all and there we were
market for it at all and there we were how naive but how wonderful when you’re
how naive but how wonderful when you’re
how naive but how wonderful when you’re in that age period to just get in my
in that age period to just get in my
in that age period to just get in my newly bought dodge dart pioneer with the
newly bought dodge dart pioneer with the
newly bought dodge dart pioneer with the tinted windows in the am/fm radio and
tinted windows in the am/fm radio and
tinted windows in the am/fm radio and drive to Los Angeles on spec
drive to Los Angeles on spec
drive to Los Angeles on spec you know on speculation we had about
you know on speculation we had about
you know on speculation we had about $300 and we got lucky out there we got
$300 and we got lucky out there we got
$300 and we got lucky out there we got lucky I got lucky every time I turned
lucky I got lucky every time I turned
lucky I got lucky every time I turned around well when you went out there you
around well when you went out there you
around well when you went out there you got a job at a club yeah we well no what
got a job at a club yeah we well no what
got a job at a club yeah we well no what happened was this first we went out
happened was this first we went out
happened was this first we went out there and we were looking to see how we
there and we were looking to see how we
there and we were looking to see how we could get into show business we knew we
could get into show business we knew we
could get into show business we knew we had this act we had written in the
had this act we had written in the
had this act we had written in the daytime we’d write stuff and learning
daytime we’d write stuff and learning
daytime we’d write stuff and learning terrible so we would go to places and
terrible so we would go to places and
terrible so we would go to places and look at other people and we hang around
look at other people and we hang around
look at other people and we hang around Dino’s on the strip and figure Frank
Dino’s on the strip and figure Frank
Dino’s on the strip and figure Frank Sinatra might come in we hung around the
Sinatra might come in we hung around the
Sinatra might come in we hung around the Brown Derby one night and Rock Hudson
Brown Derby one night and Rock Hudson
Brown Derby one night and Rock Hudson came floating through you know we just
came floating through you know we just
came floating through you know we just we were just using up our money and one
we were just using up our money and one
we were just using up our money and one day we went back to the apartment and
day we went back to the apartment and
day we went back to the apartment and the rest of our money had been stolen
the rest of our money had been stolen
the rest of our money had been stolen out of a sock drawer
out of a sock drawer
out of a sock drawer good hiding place George and we had no
good hiding place George and we had no
good hiding place George and we had no money so we thought well gee we hadn’t
money so we thought well gee we hadn’t
money so we thought well gee we hadn’t counted on that and we had vowed not to
counted on that and we had vowed not to
counted on that and we had vowed not to work just to go straight into show
work just to go straight into show
work just to go straight into show business we didn’t want jobs none of
business we didn’t want jobs none of
business we didn’t want jobs none of that
that
that bellhop stuff none of that car hop none
bellhop stuff none of that car hop none
bellhop stuff none of that car hop none of that stuff where we won’t go into
of that stuff where we won’t go into
of that stuff where we won’t go into radio out there but what happened was
radio out there but what happened was
radio out there but what happened was the only thing we knew was radio the
the only thing we knew was radio the
the only thing we knew was radio the only we really felt we should we
only we really felt we should we
only we really felt we should we deserved was radio the biggest the
deserved was radio the biggest the
deserved was radio the biggest the second biggest market in the country I
second biggest market in the country I
second biggest market in the country I mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to
mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to
mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to just get into that market but we went
just get into that market but we went
just get into that market but we went Iraq we went around we went first to
Iraq we went around we went first to
Iraq we went around we went first to KFWB number one in the market top 40
KFWB number one in the market top 40
KFWB number one in the market top 40 station and they had we didn’t have tape
station and they had we didn’t have tape
station and they had we didn’t have tape sir and ignited wireless you know so
sir and ignited wireless you know so
sir and ignited wireless you know so we’re walking along we see this radio
we’re walking along we see this radio
we’re walking along we see this radio station ke da Y right near Hollywood and
station ke da Y right near Hollywood and
station ke da Y right near Hollywood and Vine it’s actually in Selma and Vine
Vine it’s actually in Selma and Vine
Vine it’s actually in Selma and Vine between sunset and Vine and Hollywood
between sunset and Vine and Hollywood
between sunset and Vine and Hollywood and Vine we walked in there and that’s
and Vine we walked in there and that’s
and Vine we walked in there and that’s where my star on the walk is now out in
where my star on the walk is now out in
where my star on the walk is now out in Hollywood I don’t know I hadn’t put it
Hollywood I don’t know I hadn’t put it
Hollywood I don’t know I hadn’t put it out from that radio station it’s kind of
out from that radio station it’s kind of
out from that radio station it’s kind of nice we went in there and they were
nice we went in there and they were
nice we went in there and they were looking for a morning comedy team I mean
looking for a morning comedy team I mean
looking for a morning comedy team I mean it’s just all luck you know you just get
it’s just all luck you know you just get
it’s just all luck you know you just get lucky and you’re on a roll
lucky and you’re on a roll
lucky and you’re on a roll they were looking for guys like us we
they were looking for guys like us we
they were looking for guys like us we did a tape for them they loved us they
did a tape for them they loved us they
did a tape for them they loved us they called us the Wright brothers instead of
called us the Wright brothers instead of
called us the Wright brothers instead of our real names they called us the Wright
our real names they called us the Wright
our real names they called us the Wright brothers but it did a big publicity
brothers but it did a big publicity
brothers but it did a big publicity campaign ads in variety full-color ads
campaign ads in variety full-color ads
campaign ads in variety full-color ads and everything
and everything
and everything and put us on the air and here we are on
and put us on the air and here we are on
and put us on the air and here we are on the air about let’s see it would only
the air about let’s see it would only
the air about let’s see it would only have been about two months after we got
have been about two months after we got
have been about two months after we got there and it was just sheer madness you
there and it was just sheer madness you
there and it was just sheer madness you know there we weren’t that wasn’t good
know there we weren’t that wasn’t good
know there we weren’t that wasn’t good enough for it no no what we did what we
enough for it no no what we did what we
enough for it no no what we did what we did was still work on the act we’re
did was still work on the act we’re
did was still work on the act we’re gonna work on the acquisition only a
gonna work on the acquisition only a
gonna work on the acquisition only a stepping stone you know and now we’re
stepping stone you know and now we’re
stepping stone you know and now we’re making about five hundred a weekend each
making about five hundred a weekend each
making about five hundred a weekend each each you know that’s good and we’re
each you know that’s good and we’re
each you know that’s good and we’re great but we’re practicing this act
great but we’re practicing this act
great but we’re practicing this act after hours this was also a daytime
after hours this was also a daytime
after hours this was also a daytime station by the way even though it was a
station by the way even though it was a
station by the way even though it was a fifty thousand water and had a big
fifty thousand water and had a big
fifty thousand water and had a big signal out on the west coast it was a
signal out on the west coast it was a
signal out on the west coast it was a day timer and we went off the air at
day timer and we went off the air at
day timer and we went off the air at sundown and in the studio we would work
sundown and in the studio we would work
sundown and in the studio we would work on these routines we were getting
on these routines we were getting
on these routines we were getting serious now and nearby about two blocks
serious now and nearby about two blocks
serious now and nearby about two blocks away was of coffee house that was the
away was of coffee house that was the
away was of coffee house that was the way for us to get in they were now
way for us to get in they were now
way for us to get in they were now coffee houses it was the era of the
coffee houses it was the era of the
coffee houses it was the era of the beatniks and coffee houses liked offbeat
beatniks and coffee houses liked offbeat
beatniks and coffee houses liked offbeat entertainment and we knew we could get
entertainment and we knew we could get
entertainment and we knew we could get in there
in there
in there and and do our stuff for the owner maybe
and and do our stuff for the owner maybe
and and do our stuff for the owner maybe and get a shot just get a hootenanny
and get a shot just get a hootenanny
and get a shot just get a hootenanny shot get a single shot you know and we
shot get a single shot you know and we
shot get a single shot you know and we went over there he liked us and he hired
went over there he liked us and he hired
went over there he liked us and he hired us for two weeks and we’re still
us for two weeks and we’re still
us for two weeks and we’re still rehearsing our act and a guy came
rehearsing our act and a guy came
rehearsing our act and a guy came walking through the studio because it
walking through the studio because it
walking through the studio because it was an office building and you could see
was an office building and you could see
was an office building and you could see the studios on your left and there were
the studios on your left and there were
the studios on your left and there were little offices here he was a song
little offices here he was a song
little offices here he was a song plugger he was a guy who used to do PR
plugger he was a guy who used to do PR
plugger he was a guy who used to do PR for songwriters and stuff in record
for songwriters and stuff in record
for songwriters and stuff in record labels and he saw us and he used to be
labels and he saw us and he used to be
labels and he saw us and he used to be the road manager for Rowan and Martin
the road manager for Rowan and Martin
the road manager for Rowan and Martin and he says I think you guys could make
and he says I think you guys could make
and he says I think you guys could make it you know so we gave him more we
it you know so we gave him more we
it you know so we gave him more we became mad he became our manager we went
became mad he became our manager we went
became mad he became our manager we went in this little coffeehouse they held us
in this little coffeehouse they held us
in this little coffeehouse they held us over for six weeks Lenny Bruce came in
over for six weeks Lenny Bruce came in
over for six weeks Lenny Bruce came in and saws Mort Sahl came in and sauce and
and saws Mort Sahl came in and sauce and
and saws Mort Sahl came in and sauce and based on that more Lenny Bruce we got a
based on that more Lenny Bruce we got a
based on that more Lenny Bruce we got a contract with GAC one of the biggest
contract with GAC one of the biggest
contract with GAC one of the biggest agencies in the country they had New
agencies in the country they had New
agencies in the country they had New York offices Chicago and Beverly Hills
York offices Chicago and Beverly Hills
York offices Chicago and Beverly Hills offices and we got into nightclubs where
offices and we got into nightclubs where
offices and we got into nightclubs where we quit radio again
we quit radio again
we quit radio again we quit recent nights sorry about that
we quit recent nights sorry about that
we quit recent nights sorry about that we’ve got something to do and we went on
we’ve got something to do and we went on
we’ve got something to do and we went on and began a career that worked out very
and began a career that worked out very
and began a career that worked out very well two years together we were on The
well two years together we were on The
well two years together we were on The Tonight Show with Jack Parr that October
Tonight Show with Jack Parr that October
Tonight Show with Jack Parr that October we drove out of Shreveport in March
we drove out of Shreveport in March
we drove out of Shreveport in March we drove out of Shreveport in March and
we drove out of Shreveport in March and
we drove out of Shreveport in March and that October we were on NBC television
that October we were on NBC television
that October we were on NBC television that night on the biggest show for
that night on the biggest show for
that night on the biggest show for comida it’s just stupid
comida it’s just stupid
comida it’s just stupid you know man it can happen by the way
you know man it can happen by the way
you know man it can happen by the way speaking of American values are we about
speaking of American values are we about
speaking of American values are we about due to start bombing some small country
due to start bombing some small country
due to start bombing some small country that only has a marginally effective air
that only has a marginally effective air
that only has a marginally effective air force seems to me like we’re a couple of
force seems to me like we’re a couple of
force seems to me like we’re a couple of weeks overdue to drop high explosives on
weeks overdue to drop high explosives on
weeks overdue to drop high explosives on helpless civilians people who have no
helpless civilians people who have no
helpless civilians people who have no argument with us whatsoever I think we
argument with us whatsoever I think we
argument with us whatsoever I think we ought to be out there doing what we do
ought to be out there doing what we do
ought to be out there doing what we do best gang making big holes in other
best gang making big holes in other
best gang making big holes in other people’s countries I’d hate to be
people’s countries I’d hate to be
people’s countries I’d hate to be repetitious but God we are a warlike lot
repetitious but God we are a warlike lot
repetitious but God we are a warlike lot you know we can’t stand not to be with
you know we can’t stand not to be with
you know we can’t stand not to be with somebody we couldn’t wait for that cold
somebody we couldn’t wait for that cold
somebody we couldn’t wait for that cold war be over good we just couldn’t wait
war be over good we just couldn’t wait
war be over good we just couldn’t wait for that cold war to be over so we could
for that cold war to be over so we could
for that cold war to be over so we could go and play with that twice in the sand
go and play with that twice in the sand
go and play with that twice in the sand the player that ties in the sand and
the player that ties in the sand and
the player that ties in the sand and when we’re not invading some sovereign
when we’re not invading some sovereign
when we’re not invading some sovereign nation or setting it on fire from the
nation or setting it on fire from the
nation or setting it on fire from the air which is more fun then we’re usually
air which is more fun then we’re usually
air which is more fun then we’re usually declaring war on something here at home
declaring war on something here at home
declaring war on something here at home you ever notice that we’d love to do
you ever notice that we’d love to do
you ever notice that we’d love to do that don’t we we dump the declare war on
that don’t we we dump the declare war on
that don’t we we dump the declare war on things here in America anything we don’t
things here in America anything we don’t
things here in America anything we don’t like about ourselves we have to declare
like about ourselves we have to declare
like about ourselves we have to declare war on it don’t do anything about it we
war on it don’t do anything about it we
war on it don’t do anything about it we just declare war on we got a war it’s
just declare war on we got a war it’s
just declare war on we got a war it’s the only it’s the only metaphor we have
the only it’s the only metaphor we have
the only it’s the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving a
in our public discourse for solving a
in our public discourse for solving a problem is called declaring a war got a
problem is called declaring a war got a
problem is called declaring a war got a war on poverty the war on crime war on
war on poverty the war on crime war on
war on poverty the war on crime war on litter the war on cancer the war on
litter the war on cancer the war on
litter the war on cancer the war on drugs but you ever notice there’s no war
drugs but you ever notice there’s no war
drugs but you ever notice there’s no war on homelessness is there yeah no war on
on homelessness is there yeah no war on
on homelessness is there yeah no war on homelessness you know why there’s no
homelessness you know why there’s no
homelessness you know why there’s no money in that problem
money in that problem
money in that problem there’s nobody
there’s nobody
there’s nobody problem nobody stands true nobody stands
problem nobody stands true nobody stands
problem nobody stands true nobody stands to get rich off of that problem
to get rich off of that problem
to get rich off of that problem you can find a solution to homelessness
you can find a solution to homelessness
you can find a solution to homelessness with a corporate swine and the
with a corporate swine and the
with a corporate swine and the politicians could steal a couple of
politicians could steal a couple of
politicians could steal a couple of million dollars each you see the streets
million dollars each you see the streets
million dollars each you see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty
of America begin to clear up pretty
of America begin to clear up pretty goddamn I’ll guarantee you that I got an
goddamn I’ll guarantee you that I got an
goddamn I’ll guarantee you that I got an idea for homes you’re gonna do not gonna
idea for homes you’re gonna do not gonna
idea for homes you’re gonna do not gonna do give the homeless their own magazine
do give the homeless their own magazine
do give the homeless their own magazine give them their own magazine it will
give them their own magazine it will
give them their own magazine it will make them feel better for one thing
make them feel better for one thing
make them feel better for one thing that’s a sure sign of making it in this
that’s a sure sign of making it in this
that’s a sure sign of making it in this country every group of this country that
country every group of this country that
country every group of this country that makes it and arrives at a certain level
makes it and arrives at a certain level
makes it and arrives at a certain level has its own magazine give working mother
has its own magazine give working mother
has its own magazine give working mother magazine black entrepreneur magazine
magazine black entrepreneur magazine
magazine black entrepreneur magazine Hispanic business magazine in fact any
Hispanic business magazine in fact any
Hispanic business magazine in fact any activity any activity engaged in by more
activity any activity engaged in by more
activity any activity engaged in by more than four people in this country has got
than four people in this country has got
than four people in this country has got a magazine devoted to it
a magazine devoted to it
a magazine devoted to it skydiving mountain climbing snowmobiling
skydiving mountain climbing snowmobiling
skydiving mountain climbing snowmobiling backpacking bungee jumping duck hunting
backpacking bungee jumping duck hunting
backpacking bungee jumping duck hunting shooting someone in the asshole with a
shooting someone in the asshole with a
shooting someone in the asshole with a dart gun won’t they probably have a
dart gun won’t they probably have a
dart gun won’t they probably have a magazine for that sure I know they have
magazine for that sure I know they have
magazine for that sure I know they have a magazine walking walking
a magazine walking walking
a magazine walking walking [Music]
[Music]
[Music] actually a magazine called walking no
actually a magazine called walking no
actually a magazine called walking no Dan the new walking is out this is an
Dan the new walking is out this is an
Dan the new walking is out this is an article putting one foot in front of the
article putting one foot in front of the
article putting one foot in front of the other getting their own magazine give
other getting their own magazine give
other getting their own magazine give them give the homeless no magazine you
them give the homeless no magazine you
them give the homeless no magazine you know what you call it better crates and
know what you call it better crates and
know what you call it better crates and cartons then when they get finished
cartons then when they get finished
cartons then when they get finished reading it they can use it to line their
reading it they can use it to line their
reading it they can use it to line their clothing that’s a good sound business
clothing that’s a good sound business
clothing that’s a good sound business solution that’s kind of answer you get
solution that’s kind of answer you get
solution that’s kind of answer you get from a conservative American business
from a conservative American business
from a conservative American business message yeah let them read it when they
message yeah let them read it when they
message yeah let them read it when they get finished reading they can use it to
get finished reading they can use it to
get finished reading they can use it to plug up the holes and then piano crates
plug up the holes and then piano crates
plug up the holes and then piano crates they all seem to like to live in a good
they all seem to like to live in a good
they all seem to like to live in a good sound practical conservative American
solution I’ll tell you what they’ll do
solution I’ll tell you what they’ll do about homelessness first thing change
about homelessness first thing change
about homelessness first thing change the name of it change the name of the
the name of it change the name of the
the name of it change the name of the condition it’s not homelessness it’s
condition it’s not homelessness it’s
condition it’s not homelessness it’s house lessness its houses these people
house lessness its houses these people
house lessness its houses these people need a home is an abstract idea a home
need a home is an abstract idea a home
need a home is an abstract idea a home as a setting it’s a state of mind these
as a setting it’s a state of mind these
as a setting it’s a state of mind these people need houses physical tangible
people need houses physical tangible
people need houses physical tangible structures but where you gonna put them
structures but where you gonna put them
structures but where you gonna put them where you gonna build them nobody wants
where you gonna build them nobody wants
where you gonna build them nobody wants you to build low-cost housing near their
you to build low-cost housing near their
you to build low-cost housing near their house people don’t want it near them we
house people don’t want it near them we
house people don’t want it near them we got something this country you’ve heard
got something this country you’ve heard
got something this country you’ve heard of it’s called NIMBY ni md why not in my
of it’s called NIMBY ni md why not in my
of it’s called NIMBY ni md why not in my backyard
backyard
backyard people don’t want any kind of social
people don’t want any kind of social
people don’t want any kind of social help located anywhere near them you try
help located anywhere near them you try
help located anywhere near them you try to open up a halfway house try to open
to open up a halfway house try to open
to open up a halfway house try to open up a rehab center for drugs or alcohol
up a rehab center for drugs or alcohol
up a rehab center for drugs or alcohol try to build a little home for some
try to build a little home for some
try to build a little home for some retarded people who want to work their
retarded people who want to work their
retarded people who want to work their way into the community people say not in
way into the community people say not in
way into the community people say not in my backyard people don’t want anything
my backyard people don’t want anything
my backyard people don’t want anything nearer especially if it might help
nearer especially if it might help
nearer especially if it might help somebody else part of the great American
somebody else part of the great American
somebody else part of the great American spirit of generosity were always told
spirit of generosity were always told
spirit of generosity were always told about big generous
about big generous
about big generous [Music]
[Music]
[Music] asking how generous this country is if
asking how generous this country is if
asking how generous this country is if you can find one you got to locate the
you can find one you got to locate the
you can find one you got to locate the Indian first we’ve made them just a
Indian first we’ve made them just a
Indian first we’ve made them just a little difficult to find or if you need
little difficult to find or if you need
little difficult to find or if you need current data select the black family at
current data select the black family at
current data select the black family at random and ask them how generous this
random and ask them how generous this
random and ask them how generous this country has been people don’t want
country has been people don’t want
country has been people don’t want anything near them even if it’s
anything near them even if it’s
anything near them even if it’s something we believe in something they
something we believe in something they
something we believe in something they think society needs like prisons
think society needs like prisons
think society needs like prisons everybody wants that right everybody
everybody wants that right everybody
everybody wants that right everybody wants more prisons that’s new answered
wants more prisons that’s new answered
wants more prisons that’s new answered all of our problems like a lot of that
all of our problems like a lot of that
all of our problems like a lot of that everybody wants more prisoner shake
everybody wants more prisoner shake
everybody wants more prisoner shake Belmar present but not here why not
Belmar present but not here why not
Belmar present but not here why not what’s wrong what’s the problem what’s
what’s wrong what’s the problem what’s
what’s wrong what’s the problem what’s wrong with having a prison in your
wrong with having a prison in your
wrong with having a prison in your neighborhood what seemed to me like it
neighborhood what seemed to me like it
neighborhood what seemed to me like it would make it a pretty crime free area
would make it a pretty crime free area
would make it a pretty crime free area Don today you think a lot of crackheads
Don today you think a lot of crackheads
Don today you think a lot of crackheads and muggers and pimps and hookers are
and muggers and pimps and hookers are
and muggers and pimps and hookers are going to hang around in front of a
going to hang around in front of a
going to hang around in front of a prison
prison
prison boom ain’t coming anywhere near it
boom ain’t coming anywhere near it
boom ain’t coming anywhere near it what’s wrong with these people all the
what’s wrong with these people all the
what’s wrong with these people all the criminals are locked up behind the walls
criminals are locked up behind the walls
criminals are locked up behind the walls of a couple of them do break out what
of a couple of them do break out what
of a couple of them do break out what you think they’re gonna do hang around
you think they’re gonna do hang around
you think they’re gonna do hang around check real estate trends Oh God that’s
check real estate trends Oh God that’s
check real estate trends Oh God that’s the whole idea breaking out of prison is
the whole idea breaking out of prison is
the whole idea breaking out of prison is to get the as far away as you possibly
to get the as far away as you possibly
to get the as far away as you possibly can
can
can not in my backyard people don’t want
not in my backyard people don’t want
not in my backyard people don’t want anything new except military bases they
anything new except military bases they
anything new except military bases they don’t mind that do they know I like that
don’t mind that do they know I like that
don’t mind that do they know I like that give an army base makes them happy why
give an army base makes them happy why
give an army base makes them happy why jobs jobs self-interest even if the base
jobs jobs self-interest even if the base
jobs jobs self-interest even if the base is loaded with nuclear weapons that’ll
is loaded with nuclear weapons that’ll
is loaded with nuclear weapons that’ll give them this route I’ll take a little
give them this route I’ll take a little
give them this route I’ll take a little radiation if I can get a job working
radiation if I can get a job working
radiation if I can get a job working people have bent over so long in this
people have bent over so long in this
people have bent over so long in this country those are the kind of decisions
country those are the kind of decisions
country those are the kind of decisions they left to make I got just the place
they left to make I got just the place
they left to make I got just the place for low-cost housing I have solved this
for low-cost housing I have solved this
for low-cost housing I have solved this problem I know where we can build
problem I know where we can build
problem I know where we can build housing for the homeless golf courses
housing for the homeless golf courses
housing for the homeless golf courses perfect
perfect
perfect God Horsley just what we need plenty of
God Horsley just what we need plenty of
God Horsley just what we need plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods land
good land in nice neighborhoods land
good land in nice neighborhoods land that is currently being wasted on a
that is currently being wasted on a
that is currently being wasted on a meaningless mindless activity engaged in
meaningless mindless activity engaged in
meaningless mindless activity engaged in primarily by white well-to-do male
primarily by white well-to-do male
primarily by white well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to get
businessmen who use the game to get
businessmen who use the game to get together to make deals to carve this
together to make deals to carve this
together to make deals to carve this country up a little finer among
country up a little finer among
country up a little finer among themselves I am getting tired really
themselves I am getting tired really
themselves I am getting tired really tired
tired
tired [Music]
I am getting tired of these golfing in
I am getting tired of these golfing in their green pants and their yellow pants
their green pants and their yellow pants
their green pants and their yellow pants and their orange pants and their
and their orange pants and their
and their orange pants and their precious little hats and their cute
precious little hats and their cute
precious little hats and their cute little golf carts it is time to reclaim
little golf carts it is time to reclaim
little golf carts it is time to reclaim the golf courses from the wealthy and
the golf courses from the wealthy and
the golf courses from the wealthy and turn them over the homeless golf is an
turn them over the homeless golf is an
turn them over the homeless golf is an arrogant elitist game and it takes up
arrogant elitist game and it takes up
arrogant elitist game and it takes up entirely too much room in this country
entirely too much room in this country
entirely too much room in this country in this country it is it is an arrogant
in this country it is it is an arrogant
in this country it is it is an arrogant game on its very design alone just the
game on its very design alone just the
game on its very design alone just the design of the game speaks of arrogance
design of the game speaks of arrogance
design of the game speaks of arrogance think of how big a golf course is the
think of how big a golf course is the
think of how big a golf course is the ball is that big what do these pinheaded
ball is that big what do these pinheaded
ball is that big what do these pinheaded pricks need with all that land there are
pricks need with all that land there are
pricks need with all that land there are over 17,000 golf courses in America they
over 17,000 golf courses in America they
over 17,000 golf courses in America they average over 150 acres apiece
average over 150 acres apiece
average over 150 acres apiece that’s over 3 million acres that’s 4820
that’s over 3 million acres that’s 4820
that’s over 3 million acres that’s 4820 square miles
square miles
square miles you could build two Rhode Island’s and a
you could build two Rhode Island’s and a
you could build two Rhode Island’s and a Delaware for the homeless on the land
Delaware for the homeless on the land
Delaware for the homeless on the land currently devoted to this meaningless
currently devoted to this meaningless
currently devoted to this meaningless mindless arrogant elitist racist races
mindless arrogant elitist racist races
mindless arrogant elitist racist races there’s another thing the only blacks
there’s another thing the only blacks
there’s another thing the only blacks you’ll find in country clubs are
you’ll find in country clubs are
you’ll find in country clubs are carrying trays and a boring game for
carrying trays and a boring game for
carrying trays and a boring game for boring people
boring people
boring people you ever watch golf on television it’s
you ever watch golf on television it’s
you ever watch golf on television it’s like watching flies and a mindless game
like watching flies and a mindless game
like watching flies and a mindless game mindless think of the intellect think of
mindless think of the intellect think of
mindless think of the intellect think of the intellect it must take to draw
the intellect it must take to draw
the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity hitting a
pleasure from this activity hitting a
pleasure from this activity hitting a ball with a Crooked Stick and then
ball with a Crooked Stick and then
ball with a Crooked Stick and then walking after it and then hitting it
walking after it and then hitting it
walking after it and then hitting it again
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] no chance of that happening
no chance of that happening
no chance of that happening gyorko and the plaid knickers is going
gyorko and the plaid knickers is going
gyorko and the plaid knickers is going to hit it again and walk so long let
to hit it again and walk so long let
to hit it again and walk so long let these rich play miniature golf a lot of
these rich play miniature golf a lot of
these rich play miniature golf a lot of windmill for an hour and a half or so
windmill for an hour and a half or so
windmill for an hour and a half or so see if there’s any real skill among them
see if there’s any real skill among them
see if there’s any real skill among them I know there are some people who play
I know there are some people who play
I know there are some people who play golf who don’t consider themselves rich
golf who don’t consider themselves rich
golf who don’t consider themselves rich come and shame on them for engaging in
come and shame on them for engaging in
come and shame on them for engaging in an arrogant elitist pastime hey here’s
an arrogant elitist pastime hey here’s
an arrogant elitist pastime hey here’s another place we could put some low-cost
another place we could put some low-cost
another place we could put some low-cost housing cemeteries there’s another idea
housing cemeteries there’s another idea
housing cemeteries there’s another idea whose time has passed saving all the
whose time has passed saving all the
whose time has passed saving all the dead people in one part of town what the
dead people in one part of town what the
dead people in one part of town what the hell kind of a superstitious religious
hell kind of a superstitious religious
hell kind of a superstitious religious medieval book idea is that plough these
medieval book idea is that plough these
medieval book idea is that plough these mess up file them into the streams and
mess up file them into the streams and
mess up file them into the streams and rivers of America we need that
rivers of America we need that
rivers of America we need that phosphorus for farming if we’re going to
phosphorus for farming if we’re going to
phosphorus for farming if we’re going to recycle let’s get serious thank you guys
recycle let’s get serious thank you guys
recycle let’s get serious thank you guys so much for watching I made this video
so much for watching I made this video
so much for watching I made this video because H H good fella asked me to so
because H H good fella asked me to so
because H H good fella asked me to so there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you want me to profile next leave it down in
want me to profile next leave it down in
want me to profile next leave it down in the comments below and I’ll see what I
the comments below and I’ll see what I
the comments below and I’ll see what I can do
can do
can do I’d also love to know what of George
I’d also love to know what of George
I’d also love to know what of George Carlin said the biggest impact on you
Carlin said the biggest impact on you
Carlin said the biggest impact on you and why which rule resonated the most
and why which rule resonated the most
and why which rule resonated the most with you leave in the comments and I
with you leave in the comments and I
with you leave in the comments and I will join in the discussion finally I
will join in the discussion finally I
will join in the discussion finally I want to give a quick shout-out to
want to give a quick shout-out to
want to give a quick shout-out to Youssef Naderi thank you so much for
Youssef Naderi thank you so much for
Youssef Naderi thank you so much for picking up a copy of my book it really
picking up a copy of my book it really
picking up a copy of my book it really really really means a lot to me those
really really means a lot to me those
really really means a lot to me those you watching if you want to change at a
you watching if you want to change at a
you watching if you want to change at a shadow in the future video make sure to
shadow in the future video make sure to
shadow in the future video make sure to pick up a copy of the book and email in
pick up a copy of the book and email in
pick up a copy of the book and email in your receipts so we can keep track thank
your receipts so we can keep track thank
your receipts so we can keep track thank you guys so much for watching
you guys so much for watching
you guys so much for watching continue to believe or whatever your one
continue to believe or whatever your one
continue to believe or whatever your one or it is and I’ll see you soon
”
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