the only thing I have ever wanted to be for my whole life was a writer creative
for my whole life was a writer creative
for my whole life was a writer creative living is any life that you live where
living is any life that you live where
living is any life that you live where your decisions are based more strongly
your decisions are based more strongly
your decisions are based more strongly on your curiosity than your fear the
on your curiosity than your fear the
on your curiosity than your fear the definition of your ego is it’s a
definition of your ego is it’s a
definition of your ego is it’s a bottomless hole of desire can never be
bottomless hole of desire can never be
bottomless hole of desire can never be satisfied with anything you can’t open a
satisfied with anything you can’t open a
satisfied with anything you can’t open a magazine today right without somebody
magazine today right without somebody
magazine today right without somebody the headline is always how so-and-so
the headline is always how so-and-so
the headline is always how so-and-so found balance for me in my life writing
found balance for me in my life writing
found balance for me in my life writing is the thing that I love and the
is the thing that I love and the
is the thing that I love and the sandwich was the 7 years that I was not
sandwich was the 7 years that I was not
sandwich was the 7 years that I was not getting published with creativity even
getting published with creativity even
getting published with creativity even my failures the stakes are so low you
my failures the stakes are so low you
my failures the stakes are so low you know aside from people who are very
know aside from people who are very
know aside from people who are very heavily medicated the calmest people
heavily medicated the calmest people
heavily medicated the calmest people that I know tend to also be the wisest
that I know tend to also be the wisest
that I know tend to also be the wisest if you can’t feel like you’re alive
if you can’t feel like you’re alive
if you can’t feel like you’re alive unless you’re burning bridges behind you
unless you’re burning bridges behind you
unless you’re burning bridges behind you like the match walk away that’s that’s a
like the match walk away that’s that’s a
like the match walk away that’s that’s a deal I’m operating constantly at like 90
deal I’m operating constantly at like 90
deal I’m operating constantly at like 90 percent fear threshold
percent fear threshold
percent fear threshold I’m afraid right now she’s an American
I’m afraid right now she’s an American
I’m afraid right now she’s an American author essayist biographer and novelist
author essayist biographer and novelist
author essayist biographer and novelist she’s best known for her book Eat Pray
she’s best known for her book Eat Pray
she’s best known for her book Eat Pray Love which is spent a hundred and ninety
Love which is spent a hundred and ninety
Love which is spent a hundred and ninety nine weeks on a New York Times
nine weeks on a New York Times
nine weeks on a New York Times bestseller list Eat Pray Love was also
bestseller list Eat Pray Love was also
bestseller list Eat Pray Love was also turned into a film by the same name in
turned into a film by the same name in
turned into a film by the same name in 2010
2010
2010 she’s Elizabeth Gilbert and here’s my
she’s Elizabeth Gilbert and here’s my
she’s Elizabeth Gilbert and here’s my take on her top ten rules for success
the only thing I have ever wanted to be
the only thing I have ever wanted to be for my whole life was a writer I wrote
for my whole life was a writer I wrote
for my whole life was a writer I wrote all through childhood all through
all through childhood all through
all through childhood all through adolescence by the time I was a teenager
adolescence by the time I was a teenager
adolescence by the time I was a teenager I was sending my very bad stories to The
I was sending my very bad stories to The
I was sending my very bad stories to The New Yorker hoping to be discovered after
New Yorker hoping to be discovered after
New Yorker hoping to be discovered after college I got a job as a diner waitress
college I got a job as a diner waitress
college I got a job as a diner waitress kept working kept writing kept trying
kept working kept writing kept trying
kept working kept writing kept trying really hard to get published and failing
really hard to get published and failing
really hard to get published and failing at it I failed at getting published for
at it I failed at getting published for
at it I failed at getting published for almost six years so for almost six years
almost six years so for almost six years
almost six years so for almost six years every single day I had nothing but
every single day I had nothing but
every single day I had nothing but rejection letters waiting for me in my
rejection letters waiting for me in my
rejection letters waiting for me in my mailbox and it was devastating every
mailbox and it was devastating every
mailbox and it was devastating every single time in every single time I had
single time in every single time I had
single time in every single time I had to ask myself if I should just quit
to ask myself if I should just quit
to ask myself if I should just quit while I was behind and give up and spare
while I was behind and give up and spare
while I was behind and give up and spare myself this pain but then I would find
myself this pain but then I would find
myself this pain but then I would find my resolve and always in the same way by
my resolve and always in the same way by
my resolve and always in the same way by saying I’m not going to quit I’m going
saying I’m not going to quit I’m going
saying I’m not going to quit I’m going home you have to understand that for me
home you have to understand that for me
home you have to understand that for me going home did not mean returning to my
going home did not mean returning to my
going home did not mean returning to my family’s farm for me going home meant
family’s farm for me going home meant
family’s farm for me going home meant returning to the work of writing because
returning to the work of writing because
returning to the work of writing because writing was my home because I loved
writing was my home because I loved
writing was my home because I loved writing more than I hated failing at
writing more than I hated failing at
writing more than I hated failing at writing which is to say that I loved
writing which is to say that I loved
writing which is to say that I loved write
write
write more than I loved my own ego which is
more than I loved my own ego which is
more than I loved my own ego which is ultimately to say that I loved writing
ultimately to say that I loved writing
ultimately to say that I loved writing more than I loved myself and that’s how
more than I loved myself and that’s how
more than I loved myself and that’s how I pushed through it
I pushed through it
I pushed through it my definition personally of creativity
my definition personally of creativity
my definition personally of creativity is that it’s the intersection between
is that it’s the intersection between
is that it’s the intersection between humans labor and the mysteries of
humans labor and the mysteries of
humans labor and the mysteries of inspiration which is kind of grand but
inspiration which is kind of grand but
inspiration which is kind of grand but my definition of creative living is much
my definition of creative living is much
my definition of creative living is much simpler creative living is any life that
simpler creative living is any life that
simpler creative living is any life that you live where your decisions are based
you live where your decisions are based
you live where your decisions are based more strongly on your curiosity than
more strongly on your curiosity than
more strongly on your curiosity than your fear that’s that’s it and if you
your fear that’s that’s it and if you
your fear that’s that’s it and if you consistently habitually routinely
consistently habitually routinely
consistently habitually routinely at every sort of intersection and
at every sort of intersection and
at every sort of intersection and decision in your life make decisions
decision in your life make decisions
decision in your life make decisions that are based on curiosity rather than
that are based on curiosity rather than
that are based on curiosity rather than fear then you will be engaging with
fear then you will be engaging with
fear then you will be engaging with creativity at some level at some point
creativity at some level at some point
creativity at some level at some point and it won’t look like my life and will
and it won’t look like my life and will
and it won’t look like my life and will look like your life it will it won’t
look like your life it will it won’t
look like your life it will it won’t look like anybody else’s life because
look like anybody else’s life because
look like anybody else’s life because everyone’s curiosity is different so
everyone’s curiosity is different so
everyone’s curiosity is different so everybody’s path the following curiosity
everybody’s path the following curiosity
everybody’s path the following curiosity will have a different outcome but um
will have a different outcome but um
will have a different outcome but um your life itself will sort of become a
your life itself will sort of become a
your life itself will sort of become a work of art if you can consistently live
work of art if you can consistently live
work of art if you can consistently live that way not easy but so worth it so
that way not easy but so worth it so
that way not easy but so worth it so worth the trouble it’s perfectly okay to
worth the trouble it’s perfectly okay to
worth the trouble it’s perfectly okay to have an ego we all have one the
have an ego we all have one the
have an ego we all have one the definition of your ego is it’s a
definition of your ego is it’s a
definition of your ego is it’s a bottomless hole of desire it can never
bottomless hole of desire it can never
bottomless hole of desire it can never be satisfied with anything your ego is
be satisfied with anything your ego is
be satisfied with anything your ego is the thing that will sell twenty million
the thing that will sell twenty million
the thing that will sell twenty million records and wonder why it wasn’t 30
records and wonder why it wasn’t 30
records and wonder why it wasn’t 30 million right and if and that’s it can’t
million right and if and that’s it can’t
million right and if and that’s it can’t be set can be satisfied for moments but
be set can be satisfied for moments but
be set can be satisfied for moments but it can’t be eternally satisfied no
it can’t be eternally satisfied no
it can’t be eternally satisfied no matter what your ego gets there’s going
matter what your ego gets there’s going
matter what your ego gets there’s going to be another level where it wants more
to be another level where it wants more
to be another level where it wants more it wants five of them it wants them in
it wants five of them it wants them in
it wants five of them it wants them in blue that wants it tomorrow morning you
blue that wants it tomorrow morning you
blue that wants it tomorrow morning you know that’s the definite we all have
know that’s the definite we all have
know that’s the definite we all have this at some level in ourselves so I had
this at some level in ourselves so I had
this at some level in ourselves so I had a letter on Facebook the other day from
a letter on Facebook the other day from
a letter on Facebook the other day from a young woman who said I don’t think
a young woman who said I don’t think
a young woman who said I don’t think it’s fair for anybody to tell me that I
it’s fair for anybody to tell me that I
it’s fair for anybody to tell me that I shouldn’t want to be a successful
shouldn’t want to be a successful
shouldn’t want to be a successful actress I’m going to acting school and I
actress I’m going to acting school and I
actress I’m going to acting school and I want to be a successful actress and I
want to be a successful actress and I
want to be a successful actress and I said that’s of course you want to be a
said that’s of course you want to be a
said that’s of course you want to be a successful actress I wanted to be a
successful actress I wanted to be a
successful actress I wanted to be a successful writer when I was your age I
successful writer when I was your age I
successful writer when I was your age I wanted to be published if I didn’t want
wanted to be published if I didn’t want
wanted to be published if I didn’t want to be published I wouldn’t bother try to
to be published I wouldn’t bother try to
to be published I wouldn’t bother try to get published I would have just written
get published I would have just written
get published I would have just written in my bedroom and put it under my desk
in my bedroom and put it under my desk
in my bedroom and put it under my desk and been fine but I wanted it to be seen
and been fine but I wanted it to be seen
and been fine but I wanted it to be seen it’s fine but make sure you have if not
it’s fine but make sure you have if not
it’s fine but make sure you have if not Easter if you’re not capable of having a
Easter if you’re not capable of having a
Easter if you’re not capable of having a stronger motive than that make sure you
stronger motive than that make sure you
stronger motive than that make sure you at least have an additional one make
at least have an additional one make
at least have an additional one make sure you have an additional one
sure you have an additional one
sure you have an additional one and let that additional one be something
and let that additional one be something
and let that additional one be something that has more to do with your soul than
that has more to do with your soul than
that has more to do with your soul than your ego because you are also a soul and
your ego because you are also a soul and
your ego because you are also a soul and your soul wants a bunch of different
your soul wants a bunch of different
your soul wants a bunch of different stuff than your ego wants your soul
stuff than your ego wants your soul
stuff than your ego wants your soul wants wonder it wants becoming it wants
wants wonder it wants becoming it wants
wants wonder it wants becoming it wants unfolding it wants process it wants
unfolding it wants process it wants
unfolding it wants process it wants connection it wants some sort of sense
connection it wants some sort of sense
connection it wants some sort of sense of meaning those are the things your
of meaning those are the things your
of meaning those are the things your soul wants and I have this lecture with
soul wants and I have this lecture with
soul wants and I have this lecture with myself all the time so that when I get a
myself all the time so that when I get a
myself all the time so that when I get a bad review and I’m NIF de bout it and I
bad review and I’m NIF de bout it and I
bad review and I’m NIF de bout it and I feel like I’ve been misunderstood or
feel like I’ve been misunderstood or
feel like I’ve been misunderstood or worse understood um
worse understood um
worse understood um and revealed in a way that I don’t want
and revealed in a way that I don’t want
and revealed in a way that I don’t want to be I can see this difference where I
to be I can see this difference where I
to be I can see this difference where I can check in with my ego and my egos
can check in with my ego and my egos
can check in with my ego and my egos wounded it doesn’t like it I would like
wounded it doesn’t like it I would like
wounded it doesn’t like it I would like everybody to like everything I do it
everybody to like everything I do it
everybody to like everything I do it hurts I still don’t like it after all
hurts I still don’t like it after all
hurts I still don’t like it after all these years and I’ll be like ouch I
these years and I’ll be like ouch I
these years and I’ll be like ouch I don’t that didn’t feel good I didn’t
don’t that didn’t feel good I didn’t
don’t that didn’t feel good I didn’t want that and then I check in with my
want that and then I check in with my
want that and then I check in with my soul and say how you do and in my cells
soul and say how you do and in my cells
soul and say how you do and in my cells like or fine can we play more can we
like or fine can we play more can we
like or fine can we play more can we make another thing I just want to make
make another thing I just want to make
make another thing I just want to make another thing let’s do it again let’s do
another thing let’s do it again let’s do
another thing let’s do it again let’s do another one let’s do it differently
another one let’s do it differently
another one let’s do it differently let’s try this and that’s you know I can
let’s try this and that’s you know I can
let’s try this and that’s you know I can never totally circumvent my ego but as
never totally circumvent my ego but as
never totally circumvent my ego but as long as I’m making sure to constantly
long as I’m making sure to constantly
long as I’m making sure to constantly check in with a richer and more
check in with a richer and more
check in with a richer and more interesting part of myself then I feel
interesting part of myself then I feel
interesting part of myself then I feel like I’m alright
like I’m alright
like I’m alright let’s throw out that word balance we’re
let’s throw out that word balance we’re
let’s throw out that word balance we’re always trying to say balance and it’s
always trying to say balance and it’s
always trying to say balance and it’s like that no big deal what is that that
like that no big deal what is that that
like that no big deal what is that that is a word I would like to see eradicated
is a word I would like to see eradicated
is a word I would like to see eradicated from the cultural conversation I mean
from the cultural conversation I mean
from the cultural conversation I mean you can’t open a magazine today right
you can’t open a magazine today right
you can’t open a magazine today right without somebody the headline is always
without somebody the headline is always
without somebody the headline is always how so-and-so found balance you know how
how so-and-so found balance you know how
how so-and-so found balance you know how this person found bounds like have you
this person found bounds like have you
this person found bounds like have you ever met a person personal and if you
ever met a person personal and if you
ever met a person personal and if you did would you want to even be friends
did would you want to even be friends
did would you want to even be friends with them is that somebody who you would
with them is that somebody who you would
with them is that somebody who you would want to call in the middle of the night
want to call in the middle of the night
want to call in the middle of the night when you’ve lost your balance balance is
when you’ve lost your balance balance is
when you’ve lost your balance balance is something that you’d find and lose
something that you’d find and lose
something that you’d find and lose regain and lose we’re on a planet that’s
regain and lose we’re on a planet that’s
regain and lose we’re on a planet that’s spending seven thousand miles an hour
spending seven thousand miles an hour
spending seven thousand miles an hour our minds are spending twenty thousand
our minds are spending twenty thousand
our minds are spending twenty thousand miles an hour we’re surrounded by people
miles an hour we’re surrounded by people
miles an hour we’re surrounded by people who are in change we’re and change to
who are in change we’re and change to
who are in change we’re and change to expect that you should somehow be able
expect that you should somehow be able
expect that you should somehow be able to hold your state through that entire
to hold your state through that entire
to hold your state through that entire thing is just crazy
thing is just crazy
thing is just crazy every pursuit no matter how glamorous
every pursuit no matter how glamorous
every pursuit no matter how glamorous that may seem no matter how exciting you
that may seem no matter how exciting you
that may seem no matter how exciting you are it feels to you no matter how much
are it feels to you no matter how much
are it feels to you no matter how much you feel like you were born to do it
you feel like you were born to do it
you feel like you were born to do it comes with a sandwich and so the
comes with a sandwich and so the
comes with a sandwich and so the question is not what do I love the
question is not what do I love the
question is not what do I love the question is what do I love so much that
question is what do I love so much that
question is what do I love so much that I don’t mind eating the sandwich that
I don’t mind eating the sandwich that
I don’t mind eating the sandwich that comes along with that thing so for me in
comes along with that thing so for me in
comes along with that thing so for me in my life writing is the thing that I love
my life writing is the thing that I love
my life writing is the thing that I love and the
and the
and the sandwich was the seven years that I was
sandwich was the seven years that I was
sandwich was the seven years that I was not getting published and that I was
not getting published and that I was
not getting published and that I was coming home from my job as a diner
coming home from my job as a diner
coming home from my job as a diner waitress as a bartender as an au pair as
waitress as a bartender as an au pair as
waitress as a bartender as an au pair as a somebody who worked in flea markets as
a somebody who worked in flea markets as
a somebody who worked in flea markets as a cook and I was coming home tired and
a cook and I was coming home tired and
a cook and I was coming home tired and smelling like other people’s french
smelling like other people’s french
smelling like other people’s french fries and sitting down and doing my real
fries and sitting down and doing my real
fries and sitting down and doing my real job which was to write and then to go to
job which was to write and then to go to
job which was to write and then to go to the mailbox the next day and get another
the mailbox the next day and get another
the mailbox the next day and get another rejection letter and then say do I still
rejection letter and then say do I still
rejection letter and then say do I still wanna do this cuz this sucks
you know and I did still want to do it
you know and I did still want to do it and now even as somebody who makes their
and now even as somebody who makes their
and now even as somebody who makes their living as a writer there’s no end to the
living as a writer there’s no end to the
living as a writer there’s no end to the sandwiches it’s like um oh hello
sandwiches it’s like um oh hello
sandwiches it’s like um oh hello horrible review in prominent newspaper
horrible review in prominent newspaper
horrible review in prominent newspaper um that’s your sandwich today was you
um that’s your sandwich today was you
um that’s your sandwich today was you still want to do this work yeah yeah I
still want to do this work yeah yeah I
still want to do this work yeah yeah I still do still worth it like Hello um
still do still worth it like Hello um
still do still worth it like Hello um awful comment on social media from
awful comment on social media from
awful comment on social media from somebody who thinks you’re a pile of oh
somebody who thinks you’re a pile of oh
somebody who thinks you’re a pile of oh yeah you know it just has like chosen
yeah you know it just has like chosen
yeah you know it just has like chosen every possible way that they can just
every possible way that they can just
every possible way that they can just cannot get it out of their system fast
cannot get it out of their system fast
cannot get it out of their system fast enough
enough
enough I have much disregard they have for your
I have much disregard they have for your
I have much disregard they have for your entire life yeah still want to do this
entire life yeah still want to do this
entire life yeah still want to do this thing yes I still want to do it you know
thing yes I still want to do it you know
thing yes I still want to do it you know so that’s the question because if the
so that’s the question because if the
so that’s the question because if the first time you encounter the sandwich
first time you encounter the sandwich
first time you encounter the sandwich you’re like well this this isn’t worth
you’re like well this this isn’t worth
you’re like well this this isn’t worth it then that’s not the thing you’re
it then that’s not the thing you’re
it then that’s not the thing you’re supposed to be doing yes um and there
supposed to be doing yes um and there
supposed to be doing yes um and there are plenty of things in life that that I
are plenty of things in life that that I
are plenty of things in life that that I have run into the sandwich I’ve been
have run into the sandwich I’ve been
have run into the sandwich I’ve been like so not worth it so not worth it
like so not worth it so not worth it
like so not worth it so not worth it like this is not I want to do this like
like this is not I want to do this like
like this is not I want to do this like whatever the bed alleged benefits of
whatever the bed alleged benefits of
whatever the bed alleged benefits of this thing yes might be no down the
this thing yes might be no down the
this thing yes might be no down the SoulCycle no you know like I know it’s
SoulCycle no you know like I know it’s
SoulCycle no you know like I know it’s probably really good for me but I feel
probably really good for me but I feel
probably really good for me but I feel like throwing up right now is too hard
like throwing up right now is too hard
like throwing up right now is too hard um you’ll not be seeing me here again
um you’ll not be seeing me here again
um you’ll not be seeing me here again you know like um and I love my sisters
you know like um and I love my sisters
you know like um and I love my sisters at SoulCycle I just don’t like feeling
at SoulCycle I just don’t like feeling
at SoulCycle I just don’t like feeling like I’m going to throw up I want to
like I’m going to throw up I want to
like I’m going to throw up I want to exercise so it’s not for me you know um
exercise so it’s not for me you know um
exercise so it’s not for me you know um and and so that’s the question so if you
and and so that’s the question so if you
and and so that’s the question so if you go into this thing thinking if I follow
go into this thing thinking if I follow
go into this thing thinking if I follow my bliss and I live my dream and I stand
my bliss and I live my dream and I stand
my bliss and I live my dream and I stand in my truth then everything will be
in my truth then everything will be
in my truth then everything will be great it doesn’t mean everything will be
great it doesn’t mean everything will be
great it doesn’t mean everything will be great
great
great it just means at the end of the day when
it just means at the end of the day when
it just means at the end of the day when you check in with yourself and you go in
you check in with yourself and you go in
you check in with yourself and you go in the end on the balance is this still
the end on the balance is this still
the end on the balance is this still better than not doing it and the answer
better than not doing it and the answer
better than not doing it and the answer is still yeah this thing is still better
is still yeah this thing is still better
is still yeah this thing is still better than not doing it then you’re on the
than not doing it then you’re on the
than not doing it then you’re on the with creativity even my failures the
with creativity even my failures the
with creativity even my failures the stakes are so low you know I mean this
stakes are so low you know I mean this
stakes are so low you know I mean this is the thing that I’m always trying to
is the thing that I’m always trying to
is the thing that I’m always trying to tell people about artistic endeavor the
tell people about artistic endeavor the
tell people about artistic endeavor the stakes are so low the stakes are so low
stakes are so low the stakes are so low
stakes are so low the stakes are so low like very rarely is somebody going to
like very rarely is somebody going to
like very rarely is somebody going to die or have their heart broken or have
die or have their heart broken or have
die or have their heart broken or have their life upturned because a poem that
their life upturned because a poem that
their life upturned because a poem that you wrote didn’t work you know or an
you wrote didn’t work you know or an
you wrote didn’t work you know or an essay that you tried to write didn’t
essay that you tried to write didn’t
essay that you tried to write didn’t work if I write a book and people don’t
work if I write a book and people don’t
work if I write a book and people don’t like it they’re not going to come to my
like it they’re not going to come to my
like it they’re not going to come to my house and shoot me you know what I mean
house and shoot me you know what I mean
house and shoot me you know what I mean I mean it’s and be exaggerating but it’s
I mean it’s and be exaggerating but it’s
I mean it’s and be exaggerating but it’s I think sometimes we in the world realm
I think sometimes we in the world realm
I think sometimes we in the world realm of creativity blow the stakes up to
of creativity blow the stakes up to
of creativity blow the stakes up to something so much higher than they
something so much higher than they
something so much higher than they possibly are I’ve heard a lot of comics
possibly are I’ve heard a lot of comics
possibly are I’ve heard a lot of comics say that the fantastic thing about doing
say that the fantastic thing about doing
say that the fantastic thing about doing stand-up which i think is the scariest
stand-up which i think is the scariest
stand-up which i think is the scariest of all art forms is to bomb and then to
of all art forms is to bomb and then to
of all art forms is to bomb and then to walk offstage and you’re like oh oh that
walk offstage and you’re like oh oh that
walk offstage and you’re like oh oh that didn’t work and I’m still here that’s
didn’t work and I’m still here that’s
didn’t work and I’m still here that’s amazing the worst possible thing that
amazing the worst possible thing that
amazing the worst possible thing that could happen happened and nothing
could happen happened and nothing
could happen happened and nothing happened you know I’m still intact I’m
happened you know I’m still intact I’m
happened you know I’m still intact I’m still in one piece so so my creative
still in one piece so so my creative
still in one piece so so my creative failures have that feeling to them where
failures have that feeling to them where
failures have that feeling to them where it’s like wow that totally didn’t work
it’s like wow that totally didn’t work
it’s like wow that totally didn’t work and I’m totally fine we’re all going to
and I’m totally fine we’re all going to
and I’m totally fine we’re all going to live it’s totally fine look something
live it’s totally fine look something
live it’s totally fine look something happened to me um but I even saying that
happened to me um but I even saying that
happened to me um but I even saying that kind of puts it in a little bit too
kind of puts it in a little bit too
kind of puts it in a little bit too passive of a voice you know I set out to
passive of a voice you know I set out to
passive of a voice you know I set out to I set out looking for something very
I set out looking for something very
I set out looking for something very specific and through a pretty rigorous
specific and through a pretty rigorous
specific and through a pretty rigorous search and and a pretty rigorous set of
search and and a pretty rigorous set of
search and and a pretty rigorous set of practices I I got that thing that I
practices I I got that thing that I
practices I I got that thing that I wanted which to put it really simply and
wanted which to put it really simply and
wanted which to put it really simply and perhaps over simply is is a certain
perhaps over simply is is a certain
perhaps over simply is is a certain calmness you know um it’s life is an
calmness you know um it’s life is an
calmness you know um it’s life is an extremely agitating event you know and
extremely agitating event you know and
extremely agitating event you know and and I vibrate at a slightly higher
and I vibrate at a slightly higher
and I vibrate at a slightly higher frequency than is necessarily healthy
frequency than is necessarily healthy
frequency than is necessarily healthy you know and I always have I’ve always
you know and I always have I’ve always
you know and I always have I’ve always been kind of anxious I’ve always been
been kind of anxious I’ve always been
been kind of anxious I’ve always been super emotive I feel things harder than
super emotive I feel things harder than
super emotive I feel things harder than it is good for me
it is good for me
it is good for me indecision has been part of my life you
indecision has been part of my life you
indecision has been part of my life you know and and I could see after a certain
know and and I could see after a certain
know and and I could see after a certain age how that was destructive not only to
age how that was destructive not only to
age how that was destructive not only to myself but to people around me and you
myself but to people around me and you
myself but to people around me and you know I just think you get to a point
know I just think you get to a point
know I just think you get to a point where you don’t want to be in other
where you don’t want to be in other
where you don’t want to be in other people’s away you know you don’t want to
people’s away you know you don’t want to
people’s away you know you don’t want to be taking up you don’t to be taking up
be taking up you don’t to be taking up
be taking up you don’t to be taking up other people’s space and energies to
other people’s space and energies to
other people’s space and energies to sort of take care of you and and I
sort of take care of you and and I
sort of take care of you and and I longed to be a different kind of person
longed to be a different kind of person
longed to be a different kind of person you know I wanted to be just a little
you know I wanted to be just a little
you know I wanted to be just a little more at ease a little more relaxed and
more at ease a little more relaxed and
more at ease a little more relaxed and and a little more wise you know because
and a little more wise you know because
and a little more wise you know because it seems to me that wisdom is the
it seems to me that wisdom is the
it seems to me that wisdom is the beginning of of serenity you know and
beginning of of serenity you know and
beginning of of serenity you know and you know aside from people who are very
you know aside from people who are very
you know aside from people who are very heavily medicated the calmest people
heavily medicated the calmest people
heavily medicated the calmest people that I know tend to also be the wisest
that I know tend to also be the wisest
that I know tend to also be the wisest who are quickest you know or most
who are quickest you know or most
who are quickest you know or most instinctively able to put things in a
instinctively able to put things in a
instinctively able to put things in a perspective that takes away the urgency
perspective that takes away the urgency
perspective that takes away the urgency of the moment and there are practices
of the moment and there are practices
of the moment and there are practices that you can do to get there you know
that you can do to get there you know
that you can do to get there you know and those practices you know as my
and those practices you know as my
and those practices you know as my friend Richard from Texas always says
friend Richard from Texas always says
friend Richard from Texas always says this works you know those practices work
this works you know those practices work
this works you know those practices work and people do it in different ways and
and people do it in different ways and
and people do it in different ways and they do it they do it in different
they do it they do it in different
they do it they do it in different places but I think the end result and
places but I think the end result and
places but I think the end result and desire is always the same you want peace
desire is always the same you want peace
desire is always the same you want peace you know if not in the world then at
you know if not in the world then at
you know if not in the world then at least within your own mind if you can’t
least within your own mind if you can’t
least within your own mind if you can’t feel like you’re alive unless you’re
feel like you’re alive unless you’re
feel like you’re alive unless you’re burning bridges behind you like the
burning bridges behind you like the
burning bridges behind you like the match walk away that’s that deal that’s
match walk away that’s that deal that’s
match walk away that’s that deal that’s not the contract that I’ve ever had with
not the contract that I’ve ever had with
not the contract that I’ve ever had with my creativity because for me you know we
my creativity because for me you know we
my creativity because for me you know we live in this sort of bumper-sticker
live in this sort of bumper-sticker
live in this sort of bumper-sticker world where the two bumper stickers that
world where the two bumper stickers that
world where the two bumper stickers that I always want to edit are the teeth with
I always want to edit are the teeth with
I always want to edit are the teeth with my like a sharpie in the parking lot
my like a sharpie in the parking lot
my like a sharpie in the parking lot there’s the one that says jump and the
there’s the one that says jump and the
there’s the one that says jump and the net will catch you and there’s the one
net will catch you and there’s the one
net will catch you and there’s the one that said what would you do if you knew
that said what would you do if you knew
that said what would you do if you knew you could not fail right so the edits I
you could not fail right so the edits I
you could not fail right so the edits I want to make our jump and then that
want to make our jump and then that
want to make our jump and then that might catch you and what would you do
might catch you and what would you do
might catch you and what would you do even if failure wasn’t even like a word
even if failure wasn’t even like a word
even if failure wasn’t even like a word that you were caring about which is a
that you were caring about which is a
that you were caring about which is a long edit and makes for a terrible
long edit and makes for a terrible
long edit and makes for a terrible bumper sticker but no um what I’m
bumper sticker but no um what I’m
bumper sticker but no um what I’m getting at is I don’t like the sort of I
getting at is I don’t like the sort of I
getting at is I don’t like the sort of I don’t like the ethic that says if you
don’t like the ethic that says if you
don’t like the ethic that says if you try really hard and you and you put
try really hard and you and you put
try really hard and you and you put everything into it you’re going to get
everything into it you’re going to get
everything into it you’re going to get everything that you want because we’re
everything that you want because we’re
everything that you want because we’re all grown-ups here so can we just say
all grown-ups here so can we just say
all grown-ups here so can we just say that that may or may not have
that that may or may not have
that that may or may not have you may or may not get everything that
you may or may not get everything that
you may or may not get everything that you want you might put everything into
you want you might put everything into
you want you might put everything into something and it doesn’t work and that’s
something and it doesn’t work and that’s
something and it doesn’t work and that’s okay if you didn’t mortgage your house
okay if you didn’t mortgage your house
okay if you didn’t mortgage your house risk your family like empty out your IRA
risk your family like empty out your IRA
risk your family like empty out your IRA and just put yourself in a really
and just put yourself in a really
and just put yourself in a really precarious situation such that you can
precarious situation such that you can
precarious situation such that you can never do it again right that’s the other
never do it again right that’s the other
never do it again right that’s the other thing such that you’ve been so battered
thing such that you’ve been so battered
thing such that you’ve been so battered by how you set up your life so that now
by how you set up your life so that now
by how you set up your life so that now you’re so cornered and strapped and
you’re so cornered and strapped and
you’re so cornered and strapped and anxious and shamed yes that you just say
anxious and shamed yes that you just say
anxious and shamed yes that you just say well if that’s what it feels like to
well if that’s what it feels like to
well if that’s what it feels like to give a hundred percent to something you
give a hundred percent to something you
give a hundred percent to something you can keep it I’m going to take nothing
can keep it I’m going to take nothing
can keep it I’m going to take nothing but save choices from the rest of my
but save choices from the rest of my
but save choices from the rest of my life and that’s it and you just shut
life and that’s it and you just shut
life and that’s it and you just shut down right I never want to see somebody
down right I never want to see somebody
down right I never want to see somebody put in that situation so the contract
put in that situation so the contract
put in that situation so the contract that I made with writing when I was 15
that I made with writing when I was 15
that I made with writing when I was 15 years old and I’ve lit my candle and
years old and I’ve lit my candle and
years old and I’ve lit my candle and made my deal with the universe and said
made my deal with the universe and said
made my deal with the universe and said I’m gonna be a writer for the rest of my
I’m gonna be a writer for the rest of my
I’m gonna be a writer for the rest of my life one of the promises that I made to
life one of the promises that I made to
life one of the promises that I made to the work was I will never ask you to
the work was I will never ask you to
the work was I will never ask you to support me financially I will support
support me financially I will support
support me financially I will support both of us I am a resourceful person my
both of us I am a resourceful person my
both of us I am a resourceful person my parents raised me to be a worker I will
parents raised me to be a worker I will
parents raised me to be a worker I will do whatever I have to do to pay the rent
do whatever I have to do to pay the rent
do whatever I have to do to pay the rent and you and I will have a love affair on
and you and I will have a love affair on
and you and I will have a love affair on the side of this that is not contingent
the side of this that is not contingent
the side of this that is not contingent upon monetization and I have watched so
upon monetization and I have watched so
upon monetization and I have watched so many creative people murder their
many creative people murder their
many creative people murder their creativity by insisting that they are
creativity by insisting that they are
creativity by insisting that they are not truly creative unless their
not truly creative unless their
not truly creative unless their creativity pays the bills and if it
creativity pays the bills and if it
creativity pays the bills and if it doesn’t pay the bills which it might or
doesn’t pay the bills which it might or
doesn’t pay the bills which it might or might not or it might for a while and
might not or it might for a while and
might not or it might for a while and then it might not you might go out of
then it might not you might go out of
then it might not you might go out of fashion your thing might change people
fashion your thing might change people
fashion your thing might change people might not want that anymore and all of a
might not want that anymore and all of a
might not want that anymore and all of a sudden you’re stuck and I see those
sudden you’re stuck and I see those
sudden you’re stuck and I see those people go into depression bitterness
people go into depression bitterness
people go into depression bitterness rage resentment you have to be childlike
rage resentment you have to be childlike
rage resentment you have to be childlike in the pursuit of your life but you
in the pursuit of your life but you
in the pursuit of your life but you cannot be childish and this is a really
cannot be childish and this is a really
cannot be childish and this is a really big difference childlike means walking
big difference childlike means walking
big difference childlike means walking into the world with wide open wonder and
into the world with wide open wonder and
into the world with wide open wonder and being open and letting go of bitterness
being open and letting go of bitterness
being open and letting go of bitterness and ready to be amazed ready to be
and ready to be amazed ready to be
and ready to be amazed ready to be taught ready for everything to be new
taught ready for everything to be new
taught ready for everything to be new that’s childlike child ish means I want
that’s childlike child ish means I want
that’s childlike child ish means I want it and I should have it and I don’t out
it and I should have it and I don’t out
it and I should have it and I don’t out like the way this turned out it’s not
like the way this turned out it’s not
like the way this turned out it’s not fair I’m gonna have a temper tantrum now
fair I’m gonna have a temper tantrum now
fair I’m gonna have a temper tantrum now nothing ever goes my way I didn’t grow
nothing ever goes my way I didn’t grow
nothing ever goes my way I didn’t grow up in the right family
up in the right family
up in the right family I don’t have the right tools I don’t get
I don’t have the right tools I don’t get
I don’t have the right tools I don’t get to go to the right school nobody likes
to go to the right school nobody likes
to go to the right school nobody likes me I quit and and just because I wanted
me I quit and and just because I wanted
me I quit and and just because I wanted I should have it that’s childish yeah so
I should have it that’s childish yeah so
I should have it that’s childish yeah so you have to separate those things out I
you have to separate those things out I
you have to separate those things out I believe you can be childlike and mature
believe you can be childlike and mature
believe you can be childlike and mature at the same time and mature means
at the same time and mature means
at the same time and mature means looking after yourself in the real world
looking after yourself in the real world
looking after yourself in the real world in a real way I write in seasons and
in a real way I write in seasons and
in a real way I write in seasons and I’ll say that that if anybody out there
I’ll say that that if anybody out there
I’ll say that that if anybody out there is an aspiring writer as everybody is
is an aspiring writer as everybody is
is an aspiring writer as everybody is and should be you know and I do always
and should be you know and I do always
and should be you know and I do always encourage aspiring writers I I would say
encourage aspiring writers I I would say
encourage aspiring writers I I would say you if you’re at that level you you
you if you’re at that level you you
you if you’re at that level you you should be writing every day because you
should be writing every day because you
should be writing every day because you nobody else will make you do it you have
nobody else will make you do it you have
nobody else will make you do it you have no incentive to do it nobody’s waiting
no incentive to do it nobody’s waiting
no incentive to do it nobody’s waiting for it if you’re unknown no editor is
for it if you’re unknown no editor is
for it if you’re unknown no editor is knocking on the door saying there’s a
knocking on the door saying there’s a
knocking on the door saying there’s a deadline you have to create your own
deadline you have to create your own
deadline you have to create your own deadlines your own motivation your own
deadlines your own motivation your own
deadlines your own motivation your own structure in your own time and I did
structure in your own time and I did
structure in your own time and I did that when I was an unpublished young
that when I was an unpublished young
that when I was an unpublished young writer but now at this point the way
writer but now at this point the way
writer but now at this point the way that I’ve evolved as writers that I it
that I’ve evolved as writers that I it
that I’ve evolved as writers that I it seasonal labor for me and there are
seasonal labor for me and there are
seasonal labor for me and there are seasons for research and there are
seasons for research and there are
seasons for research and there are seasons for publicity as we’re doing
seasons for publicity as we’re doing
seasons for publicity as we’re doing right now once the book is finished
right now once the book is finished
right now once the book is finished there’s seasons for writing there are
there’s seasons for writing there are
there’s seasons for writing there are seasons for editing there are seasons to
seasons for editing there are seasons to
seasons for editing there are seasons to pause you know and so now it goes on a
pause you know and so now it goes on a
pause you know and so now it goes on a cycle and and and right now I’m just
cycle and and and right now I’m just
cycle and and and right now I’m just beginning the season of research for the
beginning the season of research for the
beginning the season of research for the next thing but I don’t try to muddy my
next thing but I don’t try to muddy my
next thing but I don’t try to muddy my head by and also it’s it’s pointless and
head by and also it’s it’s pointless and
head by and also it’s it’s pointless and it’s kind of a waste of time for me to
it’s kind of a waste of time for me to
it’s kind of a waste of time for me to write everyday if I don’t have a thing
write everyday if I don’t have a thing
write everyday if I don’t have a thing to write yet you know I need to do go
to write yet you know I need to do go
to write yet you know I need to do go collect a lot of information before I
collect a lot of information before I
collect a lot of information before I can actually put it together and I’d
can actually put it together and I’d
can actually put it together and I’d rather have all that done and then sit
rather have all that done and then sit
rather have all that done and then sit down and do the whole thing at what I am
down and do the whole thing at what I am
down and do the whole thing at what I am inherently a naturally an incredibly
inherently a naturally an incredibly
inherently a naturally an incredibly fearful person I’m operating constantly
fearful person I’m operating constantly
fearful person I’m operating constantly at like 90 percent fear threshold
at like 90 percent fear threshold
at like 90 percent fear threshold I’m afraid right now I woke up afraid
I’m afraid right now I woke up afraid
I’m afraid right now I woke up afraid I’m going to go to bed afraid I was born
I’m going to go to bed afraid I was born
I’m going to go to bed afraid I was born afraid I always sort of been tremulous
afraid I always sort of been tremulous
afraid I always sort of been tremulous with fear but my only saving grace in my
with fear but my only saving grace in my
with fear but my only saving grace in my life is that I am 1% more curious about
life is that I am 1% more curious about
life is that I am 1% more curious about the world than I am afraid of it and
the world than I am afraid of it and
the world than I am afraid of it and that’s all you need it just has to be
that’s all you need it just has to be
that’s all you need it just has to be one gram more curiosity than fear it’s
one gram more curiosity than fear it’s
one gram more curiosity than fear it’s not about eradicating fear it’s not
not about eradicating fear it’s not
not about eradicating fear it’s not about eliminating fear it’s not about
about eliminating fear it’s not about
about eliminating fear it’s not about this I think of a particularly American
this I think of a particularly American
this I think of a particularly American thing that’s going on right now this
thing that’s going on right now this
thing that’s going on right now this idea of like kicking fear in the ass and
idea of like kicking fear in the ass and
idea of like kicking fear in the ass and punching it out showing it who’s boss
punching it out showing it who’s boss
punching it out showing it who’s boss this kind of extreme sports language
this kind of extreme sports language
this kind of extreme sports language that a lot of people are using around
that a lot of people are using around
that a lot of people are using around fear that doesn’t work for me because
fear that doesn’t work for me because
fear that doesn’t work for me because anything I ever fight in my life tends
anything I ever fight in my life tends
anything I ever fight in my life tends to fight back harder so anytime I’ve
to fight back harder so anytime I’ve
to fight back harder so anytime I’ve ever tried to attack fear it just
ever tried to attack fear it just
ever tried to attack fear it just decides to show me how much more
decides to show me how much more
decides to show me how much more powerful than me it is and it just roars
powerful than me it is and it just roars
powerful than me it is and it just roars to life in a much bigger way so that
to life in a much bigger way so that
to life in a much bigger way so that whole war against fear doesn’t really
whole war against fear doesn’t really
whole war against fear doesn’t really work and so for me it’s always been
work and so for me it’s always been
work and so for me it’s always been about well what do I have that’s
about well what do I have that’s
about well what do I have that’s slightly stronger than fear and for me
slightly stronger than fear and for me
slightly stronger than fear and for me it’s just about kind of curiosity wonder
it’s just about kind of curiosity wonder
it’s just about kind of curiosity wonder inquisitive Ness I’m terrified to see
inquisitive Ness I’m terrified to see
inquisitive Ness I’m terrified to see what’s on the other side of that hill
what’s on the other side of that hill
what’s on the other side of that hill but I really want to see what’s on the
but I really want to see what’s on the
but I really want to see what’s on the other side of that hill I’m terrified to
other side of that hill I’m terrified to
other side of that hill I’m terrified to see what will happen if I try to do this
see what will happen if I try to do this
see what will happen if I try to do this project but I’m also like slightly more
project but I’m also like slightly more
project but I’m also like slightly more curious to see what will happen and
curious to see what will happen and
curious to see what will happen and oftentimes when my fear arises which it
oftentimes when my fear arises which it
oftentimes when my fear arises which it does non-stop I try to engage in a
does non-stop I try to engage in a
does non-stop I try to engage in a conversation with it and so the first
conversation with it and so the first
conversation with it and so the first thing I do is thank it which I don’t
thing I do is thank it which I don’t
thing I do is thank it which I don’t think we do enough I don’t think we show
think we do enough I don’t think we show
think we do enough I don’t think we show enough gratitude to our fear all it’s
enough gratitude to our fear all it’s
enough gratitude to our fear all it’s trying to do is keep you alive and save
trying to do is keep you alive and save
trying to do is keep you alive and save your life and so I thank it for caring
your life and so I thank it for caring
your life and so I thank it for caring about me and trying to protect me and
about me and trying to protect me and
about me and trying to protect me and then I try to explain to it what I’m
then I try to explain to it what I’m
then I try to explain to it what I’m doing and why we’re doing this and I
doing and why we’re doing this and I
doing and why we’re doing this and I know that your job is to tell me all the
know that your job is to tell me all the
know that your job is to tell me all the worst outcomes that can happen but I
worst outcomes that can happen but I
worst outcomes that can happen but I really want to do this and if it still
really want to do this and if it still
really want to do this and if it still won’t back down I usually come to my
won’t back down I usually come to my
won’t back down I usually come to my fear and I ask it for its alternative
fear and I ask it for its alternative
fear and I ask it for its alternative suggestions you know okay so I want to
suggestions you know okay so I want to
suggestions you know okay so I want to do this project and you my fear are
do this project and you my fear are
do this project and you my fear are telling me not to so what do you have to
telling me not to so what do you have to
telling me not to so what do you have to offer me what’s your suggestion and when
offer me what’s your suggestion and when
offer me what’s your suggestion and when you challenge it like that the answer is
you challenge it like that the answer is
you challenge it like that the answer is always nothing it has nothing to offer
always nothing it has nothing to offer
always nothing it has nothing to offer it never has a better idea it has never
it never has a better idea it has never
it never has a better idea it has never once had a better idea it just doesn’t
once had a better idea it just doesn’t
once had a better idea it just doesn’t want me to do anything it would just
want me to do anything it would just
want me to do anything it would just prefer that I stayed in a darkened room
prefer that I stayed in a darkened room
prefer that I stayed in a darkened room with a cool damp cloth on my forehead
with a cool damp cloth on my forehead
with a cool damp cloth on my forehead hiding from the world forever and that’s
hiding from the world forever and that’s
hiding from the world forever and that’s not going to do it for me that’s not an
not going to do it for me that’s not an
not going to do it for me that’s not an interesting enough alternative and until
interesting enough alternative and until
interesting enough alternative and until my fear gives me a better idea than the
my fear gives me a better idea than the
my fear gives me a better idea than the cockamamie weird jacked up idea that I
cockamamie weird jacked up idea that I
cockamamie weird jacked up idea that I have
have
have I kind of have to do the cockamamie
I kind of have to do the cockamamie
I kind of have to do the cockamamie weird jacked-up idea because at least
weird jacked-up idea because at least
weird jacked-up idea because at least it’s a thing you know because the
it’s a thing you know because the
it’s a thing you know because the alternative is always do something even
alternative is always do something even
alternative is always do something even though it might not work and people
though it might not work and people
though it might not work and people might not like it and you might not make
might not like it and you might not make
might not like it and you might not make money from it and it might be strange
money from it and it might be strange
money from it and it might be strange and it might be a disaster at least it’s
and it might be a disaster at least it’s
and it might be a disaster at least it’s a thing the alternative that fear always
a thing the alternative that fear always
a thing the alternative that fear always offers is a blank piece of pigment I got
offers is a blank piece of pigment I got
offers is a blank piece of pigment I got nothing for you
nothing for you
nothing for you just don’t just shut it down just
just don’t just shut it down just
just don’t just shut it down just nothing and for me when the alternative
nothing and for me when the alternative
nothing and for me when the alternative is so clearly between something and
is so clearly between something and
is so clearly between something and nothing I’m just not nihilistic enough
nothing I’m just not nihilistic enough
nothing I’m just not nihilistic enough to go with nothing you know I’m just
to go with nothing you know I’m just
to go with nothing you know I’m just curious enough to have to go with
curious enough to have to go with
curious enough to have to go with something which isn’t a sort of act of
something which isn’t a sort of act of
something which isn’t a sort of act of faith that it’s going to work I had a
faith that it’s going to work I had a
faith that it’s going to work I had a letter recently from a woman who said I
letter recently from a woman who said I
letter recently from a woman who said I think I’m about ready to start writing
think I’m about ready to start writing
think I’m about ready to start writing my book but I’m just afraid that I don’t
my book but I’m just afraid that I don’t
my book but I’m just afraid that I don’t want to start until I’m convinced that
want to start until I’m convinced that
want to start until I’m convinced that the universe will give me the outcome
the universe will give me the outcome
the universe will give me the outcome that I want but what yeah that is never
that I want but what yeah that is never
that I want but what yeah that is never going to happen the universe might not
going to happen the universe might not
going to happen the universe might not give you the outcome that you want we’re
give you the outcome that you want we’re
give you the outcome that you want we’re not children here like we all know jump
not children here like we all know jump
not children here like we all know jump in the net might not catch you but the
in the net might not catch you but the
in the net might not catch you but the universe will give you an outcome
universe will give you an outcome
universe will give you an outcome it’s going to give you something you’re
it’s going to give you something you’re
it’s going to give you something you’re going to know more about yourself than
going to know more about yourself than
going to know more about yourself than you did at the beginning of the things
you did at the beginning of the things
you did at the beginning of the things certainly it might not be what you
certainly it might not be what you
certainly it might not be what you wanted it might not be what you expected
wanted it might not be what you expected
wanted it might not be what you expected but it’ll be something and always always
but it’ll be something and always always
but it’ll be something and always always always given the choice between
always given the choice between
always given the choice between something and nothing I’m going to have
something and nothing I’m going to have
something and nothing I’m going to have to choose something
thank you so much for watching I made
thank you so much for watching I made this video because Phoebe asked me to so
this video because Phoebe asked me to so
this video because Phoebe asked me to so there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you want me to profile next leave it in the
want me to profile next leave it in the
want me to profile next leave it in the comments below and I’ll see what I can
comments below and I’ll see what I can
comments below and I’ll see what I can do I’d also love to know which of
do I’d also love to know which of
do I’d also love to know which of elizabeth’s top ten rules had the
elizabeth’s top ten rules had the
elizabeth’s top ten rules had the biggest impact on you what lesson most
biggest impact on you what lesson most
biggest impact on you what lesson most stuck out for you leave it in the
stuck out for you leave it in the
stuck out for you leave it in the comments below and I will join in the
comments below and I will join in the
comments below and I will join in the discussion thank you so much for
discussion thank you so much for
discussion thank you so much for watching
watching
watching continue to believe I don’t see you soon
oh I’m great at boundaries I’m not great
oh I’m great at boundaries I’m not great at boundaries I’m kidding I so thought
at boundaries I’m kidding I so thought
at boundaries I’m kidding I so thought that was going to be a laugh line I
that was going to be a laugh line I
that was going to be a laugh line I thought you guys knew me I thought you
thought you guys knew me I thought you
thought you guys knew me I thought you knew me well enough to know that what um
knew me well enough to know that what um
knew me well enough to know that what um no I don’t have any better I’m the
no I don’t have any better I’m the
no I don’t have any better I’m the permeable membrane I don’t know I let I
permeable membrane I don’t know I let I
permeable membrane I don’t know I let I let the you know I am a little better at
let the you know I am a little better at
let the you know I am a little better at it but but I have I don’t know I have
it but but I have I don’t know I have
it but but I have I don’t know I have learned one important thing which is
learned one important thing which is
learned one important thing which is that I think you sort of get to a point
that I think you sort of get to a point
that I think you sort of get to a point in your life where you think I have to
in your life where you think I have to
in your life where you think I have to learn how to say no to things I don’t
learn how to say no to things I don’t
learn how to say no to things I don’t want to do and that’s a big mature
want to do and that’s a big mature
want to do and that’s a big mature moment when you start to begin to do
moment when you start to begin to do
moment when you start to begin to do that but the bigger mature moment is
that but the bigger mature moment is
that but the bigger mature moment is when you learn how to say no to things
when you learn how to say no to things
when you learn how to say no to things you do want to do because you know that
you do want to do because you know that
you do want to do because you know that you just don’t have time or you don’t
you just don’t have time or you don’t
you just don’t have time or you don’t have energy or there just isn’t you know
have energy or there just isn’t you know
have energy or there just isn’t you know you have to sort of triage your life and
you have to sort of triage your life and
you have to sort of triage your life and there just isn’t an opportunity and and
there just isn’t an opportunity and and
there just isn’t an opportunity and and that only came to me very recently that
that only came to me very recently that
that only came to me very recently that sometimes you you have to turn down even
sometimes you you have to turn down even
sometimes you you have to turn down even the wonderful things in order to take
the wonderful things in order to take
the wonderful things in order to take care of your health or or to take care
care of your health or or to take care
care of your health or or to take care of what you truly truly truly care about
of what you truly truly truly care about
of what you truly truly truly care about not just what you truly care about no
not just what you truly care about no
not just what you truly care about no catharsis ever happened without
catharsis ever happened without
catharsis ever happened without somebody’s participation you know people
somebody’s participation you know people
somebody’s participation you know people talk about cathartic experiences you
talk about cathartic experiences you
talk about cathartic experiences you know somebody has a horrible accident or
know somebody has a horrible accident or
know somebody has a horrible accident or a horrible heartbreak and it transforms
a horrible heartbreak and it transforms
a horrible heartbreak and it transforms them but but not without their not
them but but not without their not
them but but not without their not without their assistance you know not
without their assistance you know not
without their assistance you know not without them showing up for it and I
without them showing up for it and I
without them showing up for it and I think Travel can always seem like such a
think Travel can always seem like such a
think Travel can always seem like such a natural way for people to change their
natural way for people to change their
natural way for people to change their lives but it can’t impose change on you
lives but it can’t impose change on you
lives but it can’t impose change on you you know you can only kind of will it in
you know you can only kind of will it in
you know you can only kind of will it in and similarly whatever beautiful so
and similarly whatever beautiful so
and similarly whatever beautiful so treasures of selfhood that I found on
treasures of selfhood that I found on
treasures of selfhood that I found on this journey are mine to lose any any
this journey are mine to lose any any
this journey are mine to lose any any day I feel like it you know and so I
day I feel like it you know and so I
day I feel like it you know and so I consider it kind of my obligation to
consider it kind of my obligation to
consider it kind of my obligation to hold on to as much of that as I can
hold on to as much of that as I can
hold on to as much of that as I can within reason I would so love to tell
within reason I would so love to tell
within reason I would so love to tell you that I get up every day it before
you that I get up every day it before
you that I get up every day it before dawn and meditate and I’m half tempted
dawn and meditate and I’m half tempted
dawn and meditate and I’m half tempted to tell you that because you know how
to tell you that because you know how
to tell you that because you know how the hell would you guys ever know if
the hell would you guys ever know if
the hell would you guys ever know if it’s true or not but in fact it’s not
it’s true or not but in fact it’s not
it’s true or not but in fact it’s not true but I but I do it more days than I
true but I but I do it more days than I
true but I but I do it more days than I don’t um and I think that I have four
don’t um and I think that I have four
don’t um and I think that I have four that I kind of base it on on my writing
that I kind of base it on on my writing
that I kind of base it on on my writing practice as well I would love to say
practice as well I would love to say
practice as well I would love to say that I write every day but I don’t but I
that I write every day but I don’t but I
that I write every day but I don’t but I write more days than I don’t and I think
write more days than I don’t and I think
write more days than I don’t and I think as long as in your life you’re doing
as long as in your life you’re doing
as long as in your life you’re doing more of what’s beneficial to you than
more of what’s beneficial to you than
more of what’s beneficial to you than not
not
not and that’s probably good enough for what
and that’s probably good enough for what
and that’s probably good enough for what we can do in our normal lives you can
we can do in our normal lives you can
we can do in our normal lives you can only make this decision based on what
only make this decision based on what
only make this decision based on what you know today and so what you’re going
you know today and so what you’re going
you know today and so what you’re going to have to do whatever you decide to do
to have to do whatever you decide to do
to have to do whatever you decide to do about this pregnancy about this person
about this pregnancy about this person
about this pregnancy about this person that you’re involved with about this
that you’re involved with about this
that you’re involved with about this situation that you’re in all you know is
situation that you’re in all you know is
situation that you’re in all you know is what you know right now and the
what you know right now and the
what you know right now and the decisions going to have to be made based
decisions going to have to be made based
decisions going to have to be made based on that so you are going to have to pre
on that so you are going to have to pre
on that so you are going to have to pre forgive yourself for what you don’t know
forgive yourself for what you don’t know
forgive yourself for what you don’t know yet and it may be that years later when
yet and it may be that years later when
yet and it may be that years later when you have more information about your
you have more information about your
you have more information about your life and about the world you may look
life and about the world you may look
life and about the world you may look back on the decision you made this day
back on the decision you made this day
back on the decision you made this day whatever it is and you may wish you had
whatever it is and you may wish you had
whatever it is and you may wish you had made a different decision but you have
made a different decision but you have
made a different decision but you have to begin right now forgiving yourself
to begin right now forgiving yourself
to begin right now forgiving yourself for what you can’t know yet I feel like
for what you can’t know yet I feel like
for what you can’t know yet I feel like that is the most compassionate possible
that is the most compassionate possible
that is the most compassionate possible advice that anybody could be given when
advice that anybody could be given when
advice that anybody could be given when they’re making a difficult decision in
they’re making a difficult decision in
they’re making a difficult decision in your life and then later to go back and
your life and then later to go back and
your life and then later to go back and look because we spend so much time mired
look because we spend so much time mired
look because we spend so much time mired and regret about things we should have
and regret about things we should have
and regret about things we should have known things we should have done things
known things we should have done things
known things we should have done things we shouldn’t have done and at some point
we shouldn’t have done and at some point
we shouldn’t have done and at some point there’s this mercy that you have to show
there’s this mercy that you have to show
there’s this mercy that you have to show to yourself that says every decision
to yourself that says every decision
to yourself that says every decision I’ve ever made in my life I made based
I’ve ever made in my life I made based
I’ve ever made in my life I made based on what I knew then and that’s all I had
on what I knew then and that’s all I had
on what I knew then and that’s all I had to work with
to work with
to work with you can’t know something before you know
you can’t know something before you know
you can’t know something before you know it it’s just a rule of life and and I
it it’s just a rule of life and and I
it it’s just a rule of life and and I think about some of this stuff I’ve done
think about some of this stuff I’ve done
think about some of this stuff I’ve done in my life and how stupid it was and I
in my life and how stupid it was and I
in my life and how stupid it was and I look back on a younger version of myself
look back on a younger version of myself
look back on a younger version of myself and think how could you have not known
and think how could you have not known
and think how could you have not known better
better
better and the only compassionate and merciful
and the only compassionate and merciful
and the only compassionate and merciful response is because I didn’t yet and
response is because I didn’t yet and
response is because I didn’t yet and maybe I had to do that terrible stupid
maybe I had to do that terrible stupid
maybe I had to do that terrible stupid thing in order to learn so that I could
thing in order to learn so that I could
thing in order to learn so that I could become a more mature person who wouldn’t
become a more mature person who wouldn’t
become a more mature person who wouldn’t do it again maybe I had to do it 10
do it again maybe I had to do it 10
do it again maybe I had to do it 10 times
times
times maybe I had to do it for 15 years
maybe I had to do it for 15 years
maybe I had to do it for 15 years they’ve had to do it for 30 years but
they’ve had to do it for 30 years but
they’ve had to do it for 30 years but you’re not going to learn something
you’re not going to learn something
you’re not going to learn something until you learn it and then at that
until you learn it and then at that
until you learn it and then at that moment you must immediately forgive
moment you must immediately forgive
moment you must immediately forgive younger versions of yourself for what
younger versions of yourself for what
younger versions of yourself for what she didn’t know yet and you must in
she didn’t know yet and you must in
she didn’t know yet and you must in advance like I have to sort of look
advance like I have to sort of look
advance like I have to sort of look ahead and be like I know that when I’m
ahead and be like I know that when I’m
ahead and be like I know that when I’m 50
50
50 six I’m going to look back at myself now
six I’m going to look back at myself now
six I’m going to look back at myself now at 46 and be like how could you not have
at 46 and be like how could you not have
at 46 and be like how could you not have seen you can’t see what you don’t see
seen you can’t see what you don’t see
seen you can’t see what you don’t see yet and I think what we’re most missing
yet and I think what we’re most missing
yet and I think what we’re most missing in our lives both in the public level
in our lives both in the public level
in our lives both in the public level and the private level and in the
and the private level and in the
and the private level and in the personal level is mercy
personal level is mercy
personal level is mercy you know just the sense of mercy we’re
you know just the sense of mercy we’re
you know just the sense of mercy we’re all doing the best we can with what we
all doing the best we can with what we
all doing the best we can with what we know at any given moment and we simply
know at any given moment and we simply
know at any given moment and we simply cannot do better than that I can’t you
cannot do better than that I can’t you
cannot do better than that I can’t you can’t your family can’t the world can’t
can’t your family can’t the world can’t
can’t your family can’t the world can’t it’s all we’ve got
it’s all we’ve got
it’s all we’ve got so be a little gentler with yourself and
so be a little gentler with yourself and
so be a little gentler with yourself and with others and their mistakes as well
”
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