Press "Enter" to skip to content

How About Now? | Gwen Cardno | TEDxShanghaiWomen


I’d like to take a minute at the top of

I’d like to take a minute at the top of this talk to ask you to think about an

this talk to ask you to think about an

this talk to ask you to think about an opportunity that you have not taken or a

opportunity that you have not taken or a

opportunity that you have not taken or a goal that you haven’t started working on

you have it so why haven’t you started

you have it so why haven’t you started working towards that have you been

working towards that have you been

working towards that have you been thinking that right now just isn’t the

thinking that right now just isn’t the

thinking that right now just isn’t the right time and if you have been thinking

right time and if you have been thinking

right time and if you have been thinking that are you thinking that tomorrow or

that are you thinking that tomorrow or

that are you thinking that tomorrow or maybe next year will be the time that

maybe next year will be the time that

maybe next year will be the time that you’re going to get started since I

you’re going to get started since I

you’re going to get started since I can’t go around the room and ask all of

can’t go around the room and ask all of

can’t go around the room and ask all of these people they are own answers to

these people they are own answers to

these people they are own answers to this question I’ll give you an example

this question I’ll give you an example

this question I’ll give you an example from my life when I was coming out here

from my life when I was coming out here

from my life when I was coming out here to Shanghai it was arguably a really bad

to Shanghai it was arguably a really bad

to Shanghai it was arguably a really bad time to be doing it I had just given

time to be doing it I had just given

time to be doing it I had just given birth to my second baby in three years

birth to my second baby in three years

birth to my second baby in three years and my husband could not work here in

and my husband could not work here in

and my husband could not work here in China the idea of coming out here and

China the idea of coming out here and

China the idea of coming out here and being basically a single mom just really

being basically a single mom just really

being basically a single mom just really didn’t appeal to me but the job oh my

didn’t appeal to me but the job oh my

didn’t appeal to me but the job oh my gosh the job was a chance of a lifetime

gosh the job was a chance of a lifetime

gosh the job was a chance of a lifetime I could lead early on in my career I had

I could lead early on in my career I had

I could lead early on in my career I had a chance to have an influence on one of

a chance to have an influence on one of

a chance to have an influence on one of the most important international

the most important international

the most important international relationships in the world and so we

relationships in the world and so we

relationships in the world and so we decided that I just could not pass it up

decided that I just could not pass it up

decided that I just could not pass it up my husband found a job as close as he

my husband found a job as close as he

my husband found a job as close as he could get and my kids well I got a lot

could get and my kids well I got a lot

could get and my kids well I got a lot of help with taking care of my kids so

of help with taking care of my kids so

of help with taking care of my kids so that’s what I want to talk to you about

that’s what I want to talk to you about

that’s what I want to talk to you about today I want to make sure that people

today I want to make sure that people

today I want to make sure that people think about the fact that there is never

think about the fact that there is never

think about the fact that there is never a perfect time generally when people say

a perfect time generally when people say

a perfect time generally when people say something isn’t right that the time

something isn’t right that the time

something isn’t right that the time isn’t right what they’re talking about

isn’t right what they’re talking about

isn’t right what they’re talking about is that they have barriers but when you

is that they have barriers but when you

is that they have barriers but when you say oh the time just isn’t right it

say oh the time just isn’t right it

say oh the time just isn’t right it makes it a lot easier to ignore those

makes it a lot easier to ignore those

makes it a lot easier to ignore those things that you want to do

things that you want to do

things that you want to do so confession time how many of you have

so confession time how many of you have

so confession time how many of you have used excuses like well you know I’d love

used excuses like well you know I’d love

used excuses like well you know I’d love to do that but I have small kids or I’d

to do that but I have small kids or I’d

to do that but I have small kids or I’d love to do that but I’m really busy

love to do that but I’m really busy

love to do that but I’m really busy right now or my mom tells me that this

right now or my mom tells me that this

right now or my mom tells me that this isn’t a good time to do this I know that

isn’t a good time to do this I know that

isn’t a good time to do this I know that I have and so I want to make sure that I

I have and so I want to make sure that I

I have and so I want to make sure that I tell you some stories today that

tell you some stories today that

tell you some stories today that hopefully will make you go out there and

hopefully will make you go out there and

hopefully will make you go out there and decide that you really want to do these

decide that you really want to do these

decide that you really want to do these things and when you face those barriers

things and when you face those barriers

things and when you face those barriers I want you to use your courage and your

I want you to use your courage and your

I want you to use your courage and your perseverance and your creativity to

perseverance and your creativity to

perseverance and your creativity to overcome any barriers you come across

overcome any barriers you come across

overcome any barriers you come across I’ve come across the stories that I’m

I’ve come across the stories that I’m

I’ve come across the stories that I’m going to tell you during a 17-year

going to tell you during a 17-year

going to tell you during a 17-year career as a diplomat this is me 17 years

career as a diplomat this is me 17 years

career as a diplomat this is me 17 years ago wearing black and white again that

ago wearing black and white again that

ago wearing black and white again that that wasn’t actually a plan and so I

that wasn’t actually a plan and so I

that wasn’t actually a plan and so I have this really great really cool job I

have this really great really cool job I

have this really great really cool job I get to move around the world I get to

get to move around the world I get to

get to move around the world I get to see these places that you read about in

see these places that you read about in

see these places that you read about in the news so I’ve been to Kabul and I’ve

the news so I’ve been to Kabul and I’ve

the news so I’ve been to Kabul and I’ve been to Baghdad and I’ve worked in the

been to Baghdad and I’ve worked in the

been to Baghdad and I’ve worked in the White House and it’s really been an

White House and it’s really been an

White House and it’s really been an amazing experience and one of the things

amazing experience and one of the things

amazing experience and one of the things I do for my job is I go out and I talk

I do for my job is I go out and I talk

I do for my job is I go out and I talk about American values and American

about American values and American

about American values and American policies with all sorts of people so I

policies with all sorts of people so I

policies with all sorts of people so I get to meet students and I get to meet

get to meet students and I get to meet

get to meet students and I get to meet refugees and I get to meet business

refugees and I get to meet business

refugees and I get to meet business people and government people and you

people and government people and you

people and government people and you know what the most successful people

know what the most successful people

know what the most successful people I’ve ever met all have a story about

I’ve ever met all have a story about

I’ve ever met all have a story about overcoming a barrier that you could say

overcoming a barrier that you could say

overcoming a barrier that you could say was in perfect timing take motherhood

was in perfect timing take motherhood

was in perfect timing take motherhood for example there are a lot of people

for example there are a lot of people

for example there are a lot of people who are going to tell you that being a

who are going to tell you that being a

who are going to tell you that being a mother means that you can’t take

mother means that you can’t take

mother means that you can’t take whatever opportunity in your life I want

whatever opportunity in your life I want

whatever opportunity in your life I want to tell you about somebody who has taken

to tell you about somebody who has taken

to tell you about somebody who has taken motherhood who is a single mother in

motherhood who is a single mother in

motherhood who is a single mother in fact and who has an incredibly

fact and who has an incredibly

fact and who has an incredibly high-powered job this woman not only

high-powered job this woman not only

high-powered job this woman not only managed to figure out how she was going

managed to figure out how she was going

managed to figure out how she was going to spend time with her daughter

to spend time with her daughter

to spend time with her daughter she also worked out a way to pay it

she also worked out a way to pay it

she also worked out a way to pay it forward to the people who work for her

forward to the people who work for her

forward to the people who work for her so she decided that every Sunday she

so she decided that every Sunday she

so she decided that every Sunday she would not work she would spend that time

would not work she would spend that time

would not work she would spend that time with her daughter and when people came

with her daughter and when people came

with her daughter and when people came to her concerned about taking jobs in

to her concerned about taking jobs in

to her concerned about taking jobs in her organization because they thought

her organization because they thought

her organization because they thought they wouldn’t be able to be there for

they wouldn’t be able to be there for

they wouldn’t be able to be there for her kids she worked out a way to help

her kids she worked out a way to help

her kids she worked out a way to help them not only do the job but also to

them not only do the job but also to

them not only do the job but also to spend time with their kids when their

spend time with their kids when their

spend time with their kids when their kids had important things going on in

kids had important things going on in

kids had important things going on in their lives I think this last point is

their lives I think this last point is

their lives I think this last point is very important you’ll notice I didn’t

very important you’ll notice I didn’t

very important you’ll notice I didn’t say she worked out a way to find

say she worked out a way to find

say she worked out a way to find work/life balance there are a lot of

work/life balance there are a lot of

work/life balance there are a lot of things that you will have to sacrifice

things that you will have to sacrifice

things that you will have to sacrifice on the road to goals but my point today

on the road to goals but my point today

on the road to goals but my point today is that I want you to decide what you

is that I want you to decide what you

is that I want you to decide what you really want and have the courage to go

really want and have the courage to go

really want and have the courage to go out and get them this woman who by the

out and get them this woman who by the

out and get them this woman who by the way is Valerie Jarrett the special

way is Valerie Jarrett the special

way is Valerie Jarrett the special advisor to the President of the United

advisor to the President of the United

advisor to the President of the United States had the courage to tell the

States had the courage to tell the

States had the courage to tell the President of the United States look I

President of the United States look I

President of the United States look I need sunday off I just I need to spend

need sunday off I just I need to spend

need sunday off I just I need to spend it with my daughter if she can do that

it with my daughter if she can do that

it with my daughter if she can do that then I think all of us in this room can

then I think all of us in this room can

then I think all of us in this room can find the courage to ask for what we need

find the courage to ask for what we need

find the courage to ask for what we need to make it to our goals now you may be

to make it to our goals now you may be

to make it to our goals now you may be thinking now well when that’s all very

thinking now well when that’s all very

thinking now well when that’s all very well and good look you’re a mid career

well and good look you’re a mid career

well and good look you’re a mid career diplomat Valerie Jarrett is a very

diplomat Valerie Jarrett is a very

diplomat Valerie Jarrett is a very powerful woman but what about me I don’t

powerful woman but what about me I don’t

powerful woman but what about me I don’t have power I’m early on in my career I

have power I’m early on in my career I

have power I’m early on in my career I want to tell you that this is possible

want to tell you that this is possible

want to tell you that this is possible for everybody I want to tell you a story

for everybody I want to tell you a story

for everybody I want to tell you a story about a woman I met when I was serving

about a woman I met when I was serving

about a woman I met when I was serving in Alexandria Egypt she was an amazing

in Alexandria Egypt she was an amazing

in Alexandria Egypt she was an amazing woman she was a high school student who

woman she was a high school student who

woman she was a high school student who had great grades who had great English

had great grades who had great English

had great grades who had great English and even more important was a really

and even more important was a really

and even more important was a really great person and who gave back to her

great person and who gave back to her

great person and who gave back to her community through volunteering this

community through volunteering this

community through volunteering this woman made it into Harvard University it

woman made it into Harvard University it

woman made it into Harvard University it was something that most of her friends

was something that most of her friends

was something that most of her friends couldn’t even dream of and you might

couldn’t even dream of and you might

couldn’t even dream of and you might think that was where the story ended but

think that was where the story ended but

think that was where the story ended but she living in

she living in

she living in via Egypt where frankly families were

via Egypt where frankly families were

via Egypt where frankly families were not really sure that they wanted to send

not really sure that they wanted to send

not really sure that they wanted to send their especially their girls to the

their especially their girls to the

their especially their girls to the United States because they were afraid

United States because they were afraid

United States because they were afraid they would be morally corrupted there

they would be morally corrupted there

they would be morally corrupted there this was such a trend that many American

this was such a trend that many American

this was such a trend that many American universities were starting up campuses

universities were starting up campuses

universities were starting up campuses in Dubai so that parents from the Middle

in Dubai so that parents from the Middle

in Dubai so that parents from the Middle East could send their girls to a place

East could send their girls to a place

East could send their girls to a place where at least they knew the society had

where at least they knew the society had

where at least they knew the society had the same values as the parents did but

the same values as the parents did but

the same values as the parents did but Harvard doesn’t have a campus in Dubai

Harvard doesn’t have a campus in Dubai

Harvard doesn’t have a campus in Dubai and this woman knew that she really

and this woman knew that she really

and this woman knew that she really couldn’t afford to wait for attitudes

couldn’t afford to wait for attitudes

couldn’t afford to wait for attitudes towards going to the United States to

towards going to the United States to

towards going to the United States to change so she had to change her parents

change so she had to change her parents

change so she had to change her parents minds she had to change the community’s

minds she had to change the community’s

minds she had to change the community’s minds and she managed to do that and she

minds and she managed to do that and she

minds and she managed to do that and she went to Harvard again you might think

went to Harvard again you might think

went to Harvard again you might think that was the end of the story but when

that was the end of the story but when

that was the end of the story but when she got to Boston just as her parents

she got to Boston just as her parents

she got to Boston just as her parents had predicted she was miserable she ran

had predicted she was miserable she ran

had predicted she was miserable she ran into a lot of women who were dressed

into a lot of women who were dressed

into a lot of women who were dressed sort of like me and in the Middle East

sort of like me and in the Middle East

sort of like me and in the Middle East if you’re dressed like this this would

if you’re dressed like this this would

if you’re dressed like this this would be like wearing my bikini up on stage

be like wearing my bikini up on stage

be like wearing my bikini up on stage which thankfully for all of us I chose

which thankfully for all of us I chose

which thankfully for all of us I chose not to do she also had trouble because

not to do she also had trouble because

not to do she also had trouble because she had all of these brilliant

she had all of these brilliant

she had all of these brilliant classmates who were talking about topics

classmates who were talking about topics

classmates who were talking about topics she had never heard of before because

she had never heard of before because

she had never heard of before because she had lived a very very sort of a

she had lived a very very sort of a

she had lived a very very sort of a sheltered life up until then and

sheltered life up until then and

sheltered life up until then and probably the worst part was that it was

probably the worst part was that it was

probably the worst part was that it was difficult for her to find things to eat

difficult for her to find things to eat

difficult for her to find things to eat because she was Muslim and she needed to

because she was Muslim and she needed to

because she was Muslim and she needed to find halal food but she persevered she

find halal food but she persevered she

find halal food but she persevered she made her way to the second term she

made her way to the second term she

made her way to the second term she found friends who helped her navigate

found friends who helped her navigate

found friends who helped her navigate her way through this experience and in

her way through this experience and in

her way through this experience and in the end she graduated with honors from

the end she graduated with honors from

the end she graduated with honors from Harvard now I don’t know what she’s

Harvard now I don’t know what she’s

Harvard now I don’t know what she’s going to do with her life because her

going to do with her life because her

going to do with her life because her graduation is pretty recent but I know

graduation is pretty recent but I know

graduation is pretty recent but I know she’s going to go out there

she’s going to go out there

she’s going to go out there and she’s going to bring people together

and she’s going to bring people together

and she’s going to bring people together because that’s the sort of person she is

because that’s the sort of person she is

because that’s the sort of person she is and when I have a time when I think I’ve

and when I have a time when I think I’ve

and when I have a time when I think I’ve run into a terrible day or a terrible

run into a terrible day or a terrible

run into a terrible day or a terrible month or a terrible year I think about

month or a terrible year I think about

month or a terrible year I think about her and I realize that I can persevere

her and I realize that I can persevere

her and I realize that I can persevere and get through this difficult period

and get through this difficult period

and get through this difficult period there are women in the world who you

there are women in the world who you

there are women in the world who you could argue their entire lives are a

could argue their entire lives are a

could argue their entire lives are a difficult period take for instance the

difficult period take for instance the

difficult period take for instance the women I worked with in Afghanistan these

women I worked with in Afghanistan these

women I worked with in Afghanistan these women were refugees so not only were

women were refugees so not only were

women were refugees so not only were they dealing with the fact that their

they dealing with the fact that their

they dealing with the fact that their society saw them as second-class

society saw them as second-class

society saw them as second-class citizens they were also very poor and

citizens they were also very poor and

citizens they were also very poor and they were returning back to a country

they were returning back to a country

they were returning back to a country that they hadn’t lived in for years

that they hadn’t lived in for years

that they hadn’t lived in for years sometimes even decades against this

sometimes even decades against this

sometimes even decades against this backdrop we started offering programs

backdrop we started offering programs

backdrop we started offering programs for women to teach them how to make a

for women to teach them how to make a

for women to teach them how to make a little bit of money so that they could

little bit of money so that they could

little bit of money so that they could raise their status in the household in

raise their status in the household in

raise their status in the household in addition we also taught them other

addition we also taught them other

addition we also taught them other skills now these women could have stayed

skills now these women could have stayed

skills now these women could have stayed home they could have continued to walk

home they could have continued to walk

home they could have continued to walk two kilometres to get dirty water and

two kilometres to get dirty water and

two kilometres to get dirty water and let their husbands speak for them and

let their husbands speak for them and

let their husbands speak for them and spent their lives living the status quo

spent their lives living the status quo

spent their lives living the status quo but they didn’t they came to these

but they didn’t they came to these

but they didn’t they came to these programs and some of them found making a

programs and some of them found making a

programs and some of them found making a little bit of money was enough and some

little bit of money was enough and some

little bit of money was enough and some of them were very excited about the

of them were very excited about the

of them were very excited about the other things we were teaching bear in

other things we were teaching bear in

other things we were teaching bear in mind that Afghanistan is one of those

mind that Afghanistan is one of those

mind that Afghanistan is one of those places where one in ten children will

places where one in ten children will

places where one in ten children will die before the age of ten of diseases

die before the age of ten of diseases

die before the age of ten of diseases that are preventable by very simple

that are preventable by very simple

that are preventable by very simple methods one of the things we did in one

methods one of the things we did in one

methods one of the things we did in one of our programs was to teach women how

of our programs was to teach women how

of our programs was to teach women how to strain and boil water one of the

to strain and boil water one of the

to strain and boil water one of the women went home to tell her husband very

women went home to tell her husband very

women went home to tell her husband very excitedly about what she’d learned that

excitedly about what she’d learned that

excitedly about what she’d learned that day and her husband said what what are

day and her husband said what what are

day and her husband said what what are you talking about you’re listening to

you talking about you’re listening to

you talking about you’re listening to these foreigners you’re wasting your

these foreigners you’re wasting your

these foreigners you’re wasting your time what are you doing and so this

time what are you doing and so this

time what are you doing and so this woman could have decided okay well you

woman could have decided okay well you

woman could have decided okay well you know my husband doesn’t want me to do

know my husband doesn’t want me to do

know my husband doesn’t want me to do this

this

this but she didn’t want to wait until one of

but she didn’t want to wait until one of

but she didn’t want to wait until one of her kids got sick to tell him see I told

her kids got sick to tell him see I told

her kids got sick to tell him see I told you so she wanted to change their lives

you so she wanted to change their lives

you so she wanted to change their lives right then so what she did was she went

right then so what she did was she went

right then so what she did was she went down to the river and she got a glass of

down to the river and she got a glass of

down to the river and she got a glass of the water there it looked kind of like

the water there it looked kind of like

the water there it looked kind of like this it was brown it had things floating

this it was brown it had things floating

this it was brown it had things floating in it and she presented her husband with

in it and she presented her husband with

in it and she presented her husband with a glass with the river water and a glass

a glass with the river water and a glass

a glass with the river water and a glass with treated water and she asked him

with treated water and she asked him

with treated water and she asked him which of these would you like to drink

which of these would you like to drink

which of these would you like to drink he told me from that day forward he

he told me from that day forward he

he told me from that day forward he never again criticized her for doing the

never again criticized her for doing the

never again criticized her for doing the straining and the boiling and as a

straining and the boiling and as a

straining and the boiling and as a result her family’s life got better and

result her family’s life got better and

result her family’s life got better and her family’s health got better now I

her family’s health got better now I

her family’s health got better now I think this kind of creative framing of a

think this kind of creative framing of a

think this kind of creative framing of a problem is something we could probably

problem is something we could probably

problem is something we could probably all learn something from but it is one

all learn something from but it is one

all learn something from but it is one of those things that is also very very

of those things that is also very very

of those things that is also very very extreme I understand that most of us in

extreme I understand that most of us in

extreme I understand that most of us in this room do not have to walk many many

this room do not have to walk many many

this room do not have to walk many many hours to get water and we don’t get

hours to get water and we don’t get

hours to get water and we don’t get dirty water when we go there but I bring

dirty water when we go there but I bring

dirty water when we go there but I bring up the point because I want us to

up the point because I want us to

up the point because I want us to remember when we face our incredibly

remember when we face our incredibly

remember when we face our incredibly complicated lives that there is always

complicated lives that there is always

complicated lives that there is always somebody out there in more dire straits

somebody out there in more dire straits

somebody out there in more dire straits doing something amazing overcoming

doing something amazing overcoming

doing something amazing overcoming barriers with creativity like this woman

barriers with creativity like this woman

barriers with creativity like this woman did what I want you to come away from

did what I want you to come away from

did what I want you to come away from today with is that I want you to think

today with is that I want you to think

today with is that I want you to think about what you thought about at the

about what you thought about at the

about what you thought about at the beginning of this I want you to stop

beginning of this I want you to stop

beginning of this I want you to stop waiting on the perfect someday to go out

waiting on the perfect someday to go out

waiting on the perfect someday to go out and achieve your goals or to take an

and achieve your goals or to take an

and achieve your goals or to take an opportunity I want you to look at the

opportunity I want you to look at the

opportunity I want you to look at the barriers that you face and use your

barriers that you face and use your

barriers that you face and use your creativity and your courage and your

creativity and your courage and your

creativity and your courage and your perseverance to overcome those barriers

perseverance to overcome those barriers

perseverance to overcome those barriers I want you to think about these women

I want you to think about these women

I want you to think about these women and go and chase after your dreams

and go and chase after your dreams

and go and chase after your dreams because I believe if we all start to

because I believe if we all start to

because I believe if we all start to overcome the barriers around time that

overcome the barriers around time that

overcome the barriers around time that we can go out and change the world thank

we can go out and change the world thank

we can go out and change the world thank [Applause]

”

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *