how many of you have ever heard someone tell you to just be yourself guess your
tell you to just be yourself guess your
tell you to just be yourself guess your hands pretty much everyone in the
hands pretty much everyone in the
hands pretty much everyone in the audience kind of expected that I think
audience kind of expected that I think
audience kind of expected that I think we have to admit that our culture really
we have to admit that our culture really
we have to admit that our culture really really likes this phrase like a lot my
really likes this phrase like a lot my
really likes this phrase like a lot my generation has either implicitly or
generation has either implicitly or
generation has either implicitly or explicitly heard just be yourself in
explicitly heard just be yourself in
explicitly heard just be yourself in pretty much every Disney filming cartoon
pretty much every Disney filming cartoon
pretty much every Disney filming cartoon of the last 25 years we saw it in those
of the last 25 years we saw it in those
of the last 25 years we saw it in those motivational posters that they would put
motivational posters that they would put
motivational posters that they would put up in our high schools you know like the
up in our high schools you know like the
up in our high schools you know like the ones in the guidance counselor’s offices
ones in the guidance counselor’s offices
ones in the guidance counselor’s offices with the soaring Eagles and the foggy
with the soaring Eagles and the foggy
with the soaring Eagles and the foggy mountaintops and the Sun rises and then
mountaintops and the Sun rises and then
mountaintops and the Sun rises and then that hideous Times New Roman font
that hideous Times New Roman font
that hideous Times New Roman font underneath that it says just be yourself
underneath that it says just be yourself
underneath that it says just be yourself we’ve also seen it in BuzzFeed and
we’ve also seen it in BuzzFeed and
we’ve also seen it in BuzzFeed and Facebook articles where they said well
Facebook articles where they said well
Facebook articles where they said well Stacey just needed to learn how to be
Stacey just needed to learn how to be
Stacey just needed to learn how to be herself and that solved everything
herself and that solved everything
herself and that solved everything of course we’ve also seen it in hallmark
of course we’ve also seen it in hallmark
of course we’ve also seen it in hallmark movies nothing I’ve ever watched one of
movies nothing I’ve ever watched one of
movies nothing I’ve ever watched one of those and then of course the graduation
those and then of course the graduation
those and then of course the graduation cards that we could all get right
cards that we could all get right
cards that we could all get right remember you’re a winner champ
remember you’re a winner champ
remember you’re a winner champ just remember to beat yourself the fact
just remember to beat yourself the fact
just remember to beat yourself the fact is that this line of advice to just be
is that this line of advice to just be
is that this line of advice to just be ourselves is ubiquitous in our culture
ourselves is ubiquitous in our culture
ourselves is ubiquitous in our culture today you hear it everywhere you see it
today you hear it everywhere you see it
today you hear it everywhere you see it everywhere and pretty much everyone
everywhere and pretty much everyone
everywhere and pretty much everyone agrees that it’s really good advice to
agrees that it’s really good advice to
agrees that it’s really good advice to live by I mean who would argue with the
live by I mean who would argue with the
live by I mean who would argue with the advice that you should be yourself I
advice that you should be yourself I
advice that you should be yourself I would but it’s not that I have a problem
would but it’s not that I have a problem
would but it’s not that I have a problem with people developing a good and
with people developing a good and
with people developing a good and healthy sense of self-esteem or getting
healthy sense of self-esteem or getting
healthy sense of self-esteem or getting healthy sense of self and well-being
healthy sense of self and well-being
healthy sense of self and well-being it’s not what I’m saying but what I am
it’s not what I’m saying but what I am
it’s not what I’m saying but what I am trying to point out is that culturally
trying to point out is that culturally
trying to point out is that culturally we are seeing an over inflation of self
we are seeing an over inflation of self
we are seeing an over inflation of self regard an obsession with the self that
regard an obsession with the self that
regard an obsession with the self that is working its way into our society and
is working its way into our society and
is working its way into our society and into our culture and implanting a
into our culture and implanting a
into our culture and implanting a deep-rooted narcissism there but before
deep-rooted narcissism there but before
deep-rooted narcissism there but before I get into that I think we should give
I get into that I think we should give
I get into that I think we should give credit where credit is due and just be
credit where credit is due and just be
credit where credit is due and just be yourself or a phrase in the same vein
yourself or a phrase in the same vein
yourself or a phrase in the same vein like follow your heart has its merits
like follow your heart has its merits
like follow your heart has its merits and we should acknowledge them they
and we should acknowledge them they
and we should acknowledge them they remind us to be optimistic to be
remind us to be optimistic to be
remind us to be optimistic to be confident to use our god-given talents
confident to use our god-given talents
confident to use our god-given talents to not siphon off of someone else’s
to not siphon off of someone else’s
to not siphon off of someone else’s personality but to express our
personality but to express our
personality but to express our individuality to develop an authentic
individuality to develop an authentic
individuality to develop an authentic sense of self all those things
sense of self all those things
sense of self all those things good things but what happens when the
good things but what happens when the
good things but what happens when the advice to just be yourself goes
advice to just be yourself goes
advice to just be yourself goes unscrutinized and unquestioned what
unscrutinized and unquestioned what
unscrutinized and unquestioned what happens when a culture like ours takes
happens when a culture like ours takes
happens when a culture like ours takes just be yourself too far and starts to
just be yourself too far and starts to
just be yourself too far and starts to believe the notion that was so
believe the notion that was so
believe the notion that was so beautifully refuted by author and
beautifully refuted by author and
beautifully refuted by author and blogger Scott young that above all else
blogger Scott young that above all else
blogger Scott young that above all else you are called to be yourself just be
you are called to be yourself just be
you are called to be yourself just be yourself just be who you are love who
yourself just be who you are love who
yourself just be who you are love who you are admire who you are believe in
you are admire who you are believe in
you are admire who you are believe in who you are it’s your time your moment
who you are it’s your time your moment
who you are it’s your time your moment your truth you are what’s most important
your truth you are what’s most important
your truth you are what’s most important the new diet coke commercial by the way
the new diet coke commercial by the way
the new diet coke commercial by the way is a perfect example of this I don’t
is a perfect example of this I don’t
is a perfect example of this I don’t know if any of you seen this but I was
know if any of you seen this but I was
know if any of you seen this but I was watching Hulu the other night at 1:00 in
watching Hulu the other night at 1:00 in
watching Hulu the other night at 1:00 in the morning as Millennials aren’t want
the morning as Millennials aren’t want
the morning as Millennials aren’t want to do and I saw this commercial I
to do and I saw this commercial I
to do and I saw this commercial I thought I have to put this thing this is
thought I have to put this thing this is
thought I have to put this thing this is just absolutely the antithesis of what I
just absolutely the antithesis of what I
just absolutely the antithesis of what I want to tell you today so I’ll give you
want to tell you today so I’ll give you
want to tell you today so I’ll give you the rundown in case you haven’t seen it
the rundown in case you haven’t seen it
the rundown in case you haven’t seen it so there’s this nice 20-something girl
so there’s this nice 20-something girl
so there’s this nice 20-something girl takes a can of Diet Coke and she opens
takes a can of Diet Coke and she opens
takes a can of Diet Coke and she opens it up and says what do I love about Diet
it up and says what do I love about Diet
it up and says what do I love about Diet Coke well first she says it’s delicious
Coke well first she says it’s delicious
Coke well first she says it’s delicious right then she says it makes me feel
right then she says it makes me feel
right then she says it makes me feel good life is short
good life is short
good life is short just do you whatever that may be if you
just do you whatever that may be if you
just do you whatever that may be if you want to live in a yurt yurt it up if you
want to live in a yurt yurt it up if you
want to live in a yurt yurt it up if you want to run a marathon I mean that
want to run a marathon I mean that
want to run a marathon I mean that sounds really hard but ok and if you
sounds really hard but ok and if you
sounds really hard but ok and if you want to have a diet coke well how do I
want to have a diet coke well how do I
want to have a diet coke well how do I coke then it ends with this die coke
coke then it ends with this die coke
coke then it ends with this die coke because I can
it makes me feel good just do you
it makes me feel good just do you because I can that is the anthem of a
because I can that is the anthem of a
because I can that is the anthem of a just be yourself generation that has
just be yourself generation that has
just be yourself generation that has gone off the rails
gone off the rails
gone off the rails turns out other people have noticed this
turns out other people have noticed this
turns out other people have noticed this in May of 2013 a guy named Joel Stein
in May of 2013 a guy named Joel Stein
in May of 2013 a guy named Joel Stein wrote an article for Time magazine
wrote an article for Time magazine
wrote an article for Time magazine called
called
called Millennials the me me me generation and
Millennials the me me me generation and
Millennials the me me me generation and he does actually point out some of the
he does actually point out some of the
he does actually point out some of the redemptive qualities of Millennials that
redemptive qualities of Millennials that
redemptive qualities of Millennials that he thinks will actually help them save
he thinks will actually help them save
he thinks will actually help them save the country but he also points to some
the country but he also points to some
the country but he also points to some very interesting statistics about
very interesting statistics about
very interesting statistics about Millennials that I thought I would share
Millennials that I thought I would share
Millennials that I thought I would share with you for example he found that more
with you for example he found that more
with you for example he found that more people more Millennials scored higher on
people more Millennials scored higher on
people more Millennials scored higher on narcissism skills in college in 2009
narcissism skills in college in 2009
narcissism skills in college in 2009 than they did than the college students
than they did than the college students
than they did than the college students did in the 1980s he also found that
did in the 1980s he also found that
did in the 1980s he also found that narcissistic personality disorder was
narcissistic personality disorder was
narcissistic personality disorder was three times higher in the under 25
three times higher in the under 25
three times higher in the under 25 category than in a 65 and up group now
category than in a 65 and up group now
category than in a 65 and up group now you could probably guess why that is
you could probably guess why that is
you could probably guess why that is right in 65 but uppers have had enough
right in 65 but uppers have had enough
right in 65 but uppers have had enough time to figure out that they’re not such
time to figure out that they’re not such
time to figure out that they’re not such hot stuff and now they’re much more
hot stuff and now they’re much more
hot stuff and now they’re much more humble because of it but he also points
humble because of it but he also points
humble because of it but he also points out that 60% of Millennials said that
out that 60% of Millennials said that
out that 60% of Millennials said that their litmus test for making a moral
their litmus test for making a moral
their litmus test for making a moral decision was how do I feel about that
decision was how do I feel about that
decision was how do I feel about that so instead of appealing to an objective
so instead of appealing to an objective
so instead of appealing to an objective sense of morality or an ethical code
sense of morality or an ethical code
sense of morality or an ethical code when faced with a tough decision the
when faced with a tough decision the
when faced with a tough decision the question would be how does that make me
question would be how does that make me
question would be how does that make me feel I’ll be able to feel what’s right I
feel I’ll be able to feel what’s right I
feel I’ll be able to feel what’s right I will know it’s inside of me I know the
will know it’s inside of me I know the
will know it’s inside of me I know the answer he also found that Millennials
answer he also found that Millennials
answer he also found that Millennials were more Fame obsessed he also found
were more Fame obsessed he also found
were more Fame obsessed he also found that they were more entitled and also
that they were more entitled and also
that they were more entitled and also interesting he found that they were
interesting he found that they were
interesting he found that they were compelled to exaggerate their realities
compelled to exaggerate their realities
compelled to exaggerate their realities so on social media when they saw
so on social media when they saw
so on social media when they saw someone’s fabulous life that they
someone’s fabulous life that they
someone’s fabulous life that they thought they couldn’t compete with they
thought they couldn’t compete with they
thought they couldn’t compete with they needed to up the ante make it look
needed to up the ante make it look
needed to up the ante make it look better put a nicer filter on it compete
better put a nicer filter on it compete
better put a nicer filter on it compete better now all of this sounds pretty
better now all of this sounds pretty
better now all of this sounds pretty disheartening right but is it really a
disheartening right but is it really a
disheartening right but is it really a surprise to any of us I mean my
surprise to any of us I mean my
surprise to any of us I mean my generation is called the selfie
generation is called the selfie
generation is called the selfie generation for a reason
generation for a reason
generation for a reason this is a time when a thousand selfies
this is a time when a thousand selfies
this is a time when a thousand selfies are posted to Instagram every ten
are posted to Instagram every ten
are posted to Instagram every ten seconds and it’s now estimated that the
seconds and it’s now estimated that the
seconds and it’s now estimated that the average millennial will take twenty five
average millennial will take twenty five
average millennial will take twenty five thousand pictures of their face before
thousand pictures of their face before
thousand pictures of their face before they die we can see that culturally we
they die we can see that culturally we
they die we can see that culturally we are snagged in a social media feedback
are snagged in a social media feedback
are snagged in a social media feedback loop a me first
loop a me first
loop a me first ethos a tendency to use social media or
ethos a tendency to use social media or
ethos a tendency to use social media or communications or any other form to
communications or any other form to
communications or any other form to promote self edged elation and
promote self edged elation and
promote self edged elation and self-glorification we feed off of
self-glorification we feed off of
self-glorification we feed off of affirmation and publicity not knowing
affirmation and publicity not knowing
affirmation and publicity not knowing what to do with the vague advice to just
what to do with the vague advice to just
what to do with the vague advice to just be ourselves we’ve instead decided as a
be ourselves we’ve instead decided as a
be ourselves we’ve instead decided as a society that we will just adore and live
society that we will just adore and live
society that we will just adore and live for ourselves for the selfie generation
for ourselves for the selfie generation
for ourselves for the selfie generation the world revolves around us and our
the world revolves around us and our
the world revolves around us and our identities and nothing should ever get
identities and nothing should ever get
identities and nothing should ever get in the way of me being myself me being
in the way of me being myself me being
in the way of me being myself me being me or at least living out a charade of
me or at least living out a charade of
me or at least living out a charade of myself on social media I think we can
myself on social media I think we can
myself on social media I think we can truly say that the selfie generation has
truly say that the selfie generation has
truly say that the selfie generation has become the selfish generation the
become the selfish generation the
become the selfish generation the byproduct of this infatuation with the
byproduct of this infatuation with the
byproduct of this infatuation with the self is inevitably apathy towards the
self is inevitably apathy towards the
self is inevitably apathy towards the problems of others I don’t know if
problems of others I don’t know if
problems of others I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the world is not
you’ve noticed but the world is not
you’ve noticed but the world is not doing too hot right now
doing too hot right now
doing too hot right now and take it out of the national politics
and take it out of the national politics
and take it out of the national politics scene just look at other tragedies and
scene just look at other tragedies and
scene just look at other tragedies and atrocities school shootings humanitarian
atrocities school shootings humanitarian
atrocities school shootings humanitarian crises globally human rights violations
crises globally human rights violations
crises globally human rights violations globally and yet as we see all this
globally and yet as we see all this
globally and yet as we see all this suffering what’s the average response
suffering what’s the average response
suffering what’s the average response you’re gonna get for a millennial if you
you’re gonna get for a millennial if you
you’re gonna get for a millennial if you really look at it okay I’ll boil it down
really look at it okay I’ll boil it down
really look at it okay I’ll boil it down for you basically you’re on your phone
for you basically you’re on your phone
for you basically you’re on your phone right on the news oh do you see that yes
right on the news oh do you see that yes
right on the news oh do you see that yes that’s sucks well my life is still fine
that’s sucks well my life is still fine
that’s sucks well my life is still fine whoa selfie all right okay what stopping
humanitarian crises as an example in the
humanitarian crises as an example in the United States thousands of homes are
United States thousands of homes are
United States thousands of homes are wiped out by hurricanes in the last year
wiped out by hurricanes in the last year
wiped out by hurricanes in the last year American families are homeless across
American families are homeless across
American families are homeless across all of the southern states what’s the
all of the southern states what’s the
all of the southern states what’s the response
that’s really sad you look the filter I
that’s really sad you look the filter I put on this selfie I love that it gives
put on this selfie I love that it gives
put on this selfie I love that it gives my jaw bone more definition sadly I
my jaw bone more definition sadly I
my jaw bone more definition sadly I could give you countless more examples
could give you countless more examples
could give you countless more examples of behavior like this are we too
of behavior like this are we too
of behavior like this are we too enamored with ourselves too fixated on
enamored with ourselves too fixated on
enamored with ourselves too fixated on showing the world who we are to hear its
showing the world who we are to hear its
showing the world who we are to hear its cries for help
cries for help
cries for help are we in reality just blinded by
are we in reality just blinded by
are we in reality just blinded by ourselves we started out with
ourselves we started out with
ourselves we started out with well-meaning advice to just be ourselves
well-meaning advice to just be ourselves
well-meaning advice to just be ourselves but that devolved into narcissism and
but that devolved into narcissism and
but that devolved into narcissism and now it’s heading into very dangerous
now it’s heading into very dangerous
now it’s heading into very dangerous territory where we have a world full of
territory where we have a world full of
territory where we have a world full of people isolated into their own
people isolated into their own
people isolated into their own self-absorbed bubbles will that serve us
self-absorbed bubbles will that serve us
self-absorbed bubbles will that serve us is that really what we want for
is that really what we want for
is that really what we want for ourselves as a university as a community
ourselves as a university as a community
ourselves as a university as a community as a country in a technology and social
as a country in a technology and social
as a country in a technology and social media driven world this problem is only
media driven world this problem is only
media driven world this problem is only gonna get worse it’s not gonna subside
gonna get worse it’s not gonna subside
gonna get worse it’s not gonna subside on its own it’s not a phase it’s gonna
on its own it’s not a phase it’s gonna
on its own it’s not a phase it’s gonna snowball from here do we really want to
snowball from here do we really want to
snowball from here do we really want to see ourselves become a nation of 320
see ourselves become a nation of 320
see ourselves become a nation of 320 million narcissists how are we ever
million narcissists how are we ever
million narcissists how are we ever supposed to tackle any of the
supposed to tackle any of the
supposed to tackle any of the innumerable problems in this world if
innumerable problems in this world if
innumerable problems in this world if we’re all too self engrossed and too
we’re all too self engrossed and too
we’re all too self engrossed and too self-absorbed on our little phones to
self-absorbed on our little phones to
self-absorbed on our little phones to get up and do anything about it
get up and do anything about it
get up and do anything about it well enough on the problem what’s the
well enough on the problem what’s the
well enough on the problem what’s the solution what where do we want to see
solution what where do we want to see
solution what where do we want to see ourselves go instead I would say that
ourselves go instead I would say that
ourselves go instead I would say that just be yourself has had its time we’ve
just be yourself has had its time we’ve
just be yourself has had its time we’ve allowed it into our society but it’s
allowed it into our society but it’s
allowed it into our society but it’s almost conquered us so now more than
almost conquered us so now more than
almost conquered us so now more than ever it’s time that we reignite the call
ever it’s time that we reignite the call
ever it’s time that we reignite the call to humility get away from all this
to humility get away from all this
to humility get away from all this selfishness bring back humility now what
selfishness bring back humility now what
selfishness bring back humility now what do I mean by humility is it the kind of
do I mean by humility is it the kind of
do I mean by humility is it the kind of humility that a person gets an award and
humility that a person gets an award and
humility that a person gets an award and gets in front of an audience and says
gets in front of an audience and says
gets in front of an audience and says thank you for recognizing my
thank you for recognizing my
thank you for recognizing my achievements I know I am very qualified
achievements I know I am very qualified
achievements I know I am very qualified and
and
and you’re all aware of that so awesome but
you’re all aware of that so awesome but
you’re all aware of that so awesome but I’m very humbled to be here today to
I’m very humbled to be here today to
I’m very humbled to be here today to present my speech for you I’m very
present my speech for you I’m very
present my speech for you I’m very humbled to be giving a TED talk today
no no the kind of humility I’m talking
no no the kind of humility I’m talking about is the kind that drives its
about is the kind that drives its
about is the kind that drives its practitioners to lead lives that are
practitioners to lead lives that are
practitioners to lead lives that are gracious unassuming and character driven
gracious unassuming and character driven
gracious unassuming and character driven lives that are lived under the
lives that are lived under the
lives that are lived under the conviction that I am not the center of
conviction that I am not the center of
conviction that I am not the center of the universe I am not all that lives
the universe I am not all that lives
the universe I am not all that lives that believe in listening and
that believe in listening and
that believe in listening and understanding as opposed to performing
understanding as opposed to performing
understanding as opposed to performing and flaunting for other people lives
and flaunting for other people lives
and flaunting for other people lives that are grounded in love and service
that are grounded in love and service
that are grounded in love and service towards others that seems like a tall
towards others that seems like a tall
towards others that seems like a tall order but by no means do I stand in
order but by no means do I stand in
order but by no means do I stand in front of you today and say I am the
front of you today and say I am the
front of you today and say I am the exemplar of the humble lifestyle look at
exemplar of the humble lifestyle look at
exemplar of the humble lifestyle look at me do what I do and you’ll be humble no
me do what I do and you’ll be humble no
me do what I do and you’ll be humble no I am NOT the exemplar of the humble
I am NOT the exemplar of the humble
I am NOT the exemplar of the humble lifestyle I have to work at this all the
lifestyle I have to work at this all the
lifestyle I have to work at this all the time I’m a proud person but I have
time I’m a proud person but I have
time I’m a proud person but I have something to say about it because I was
something to say about it because I was
something to say about it because I was exposed to this my whole life and the
exposed to this my whole life and the
exposed to this my whole life and the people of my parents I’m getting all
people of my parents I’m getting all
people of my parents I’m getting all teary over there day in and day out my
teary over there day in and day out my
teary over there day in and day out my parents showed nothing but love
parents showed nothing but love
parents showed nothing but love sacrifice and dedication they never drew
sacrifice and dedication they never drew
sacrifice and dedication they never drew attention to themselves they never put
attention to themselves they never put
attention to themselves they never put their and wants and needs in front of
their and wants and needs in front of
their and wants and needs in front of anyone else they always thought of their
anyone else they always thought of their
anyone else they always thought of their kids and other people first service I
kids and other people first service I
kids and other people first service I was blessed to grow up with people like
was blessed to grow up with people like
was blessed to grow up with people like them but if that’s not your story and
them but if that’s not your story and
them but if that’s not your story and you don’t have parents like that that
you don’t have parents like that that
you don’t have parents like that that you can look up to it’s ever more
you can look up to it’s ever more
you can look up to it’s ever more critical that you find people like that
critical that you find people like that
critical that you find people like that surround yourself with them peers
surround yourself with them peers
surround yourself with them peers mentors model yourself after them strive
mentors model yourself after them strive
mentors model yourself after them strive to be humble like they are and then once
to be humble like they are and then once
to be humble like they are and then once you’ve done that model that for someone
you’ve done that model that for someone
you’ve done that model that for someone else so that they look at your example
else so that they look at your example
else so that they look at your example and want to live like you and we’ll
and want to live like you and we’ll
and want to live like you and we’ll really get this trend going in the right
really get this trend going in the right
really get this trend going in the right direction for the sake of this hurting
direction for the sake of this hurting
direction for the sake of this hurting world and for the sake of all your
world and for the sake of all your
world and for the sake of all your future children to whom it will be so
future children to whom it will be so
future children to whom it will be so critical that you pass on the lesson of
critical that you pass on the lesson of
critical that you pass on the lesson of humility and service I tell you don’t
humility and service I tell you don’t
humility and service I tell you don’t just be yourself rather
just be yourself rather
just be yourself rather humble yourself and go outside of
humble yourself and go outside of
humble yourself and go outside of yourself so that you can serve this
yourself so that you can serve this
yourself so that you can serve this broken world with those talents and
broken world with those talents and
broken world with those talents and those traits that make you unique humble
those traits that make you unique humble
those traits that make you unique humble yourself and we will watch this world
yourself and we will watch this world
yourself and we will watch this world change for the better thank you
change for the better thank you
change for the better thank you [Music]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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