long ago in a place not far from where we are today there was a young girl who
we are today there was a young girl who
we are today there was a young girl who is infinitely curious and who loved
is infinitely curious and who loved
is infinitely curious and who loved learning about everything this world had
learning about everything this world had
learning about everything this world had to offer as she grew older and travelled
to offer as she grew older and travelled
to offer as she grew older and travelled far and wide her curiosity grew stronger
far and wide her curiosity grew stronger
far and wide her curiosity grew stronger but for some reason it was getting
but for some reason it was getting
but for some reason it was getting harder and harder for her to remember
harder and harder for her to remember
harder and harder for her to remember things and the people around her made
things and the people around her made
things and the people around her made her feel dumber and dumber because of it
her feel dumber and dumber because of it
her feel dumber and dumber because of it until finally she believed them if it
until finally she believed them if it
until finally she believed them if it wasn’t for the love from her family the
wasn’t for the love from her family the
wasn’t for the love from her family the love from her friends the love from her
love from her friends the love from her
love from her friends the love from her community she would not be on stage
community she would not be on stage
community she would not be on stage before you today hi my name is Todd
before you today hi my name is Todd
before you today hi my name is Todd mikaze
mikaze
mikaze and I’m here to share with you all my
and I’m here to share with you all my
and I’m here to share with you all my almost tragic love story between me and
almost tragic love story between me and
almost tragic love story between me and my learning disability as far back as I
my learning disability as far back as I
my learning disability as far back as I could remember
could remember
could remember I’ve loved math and science I was the
I’ve loved math and science I was the
I’ve loved math and science I was the kind of kid who did science fairs for
kind of kid who did science fairs for
kind of kid who did science fairs for fun which is why I could not believe
fun which is why I could not believe
fun which is why I could not believe that the first time I had ever failed a
that the first time I had ever failed a
that the first time I had ever failed a class was ninth grade beginner biology
class was ninth grade beginner biology
class was ninth grade beginner biology and it was a pretty standard class to
and it was a pretty standard class to
and it was a pretty standard class to read the textbook take a chapter test I
read the textbook take a chapter test I
read the textbook take a chapter test I always thought I did well on the exams
always thought I did well on the exams
always thought I did well on the exams that is until I got the test back
that is until I got the test back
that is until I got the test back somehow they always looked different
somehow they always looked different
somehow they always looked different from what I remembered I mean that was
from what I remembered I mean that was
from what I remembered I mean that was my handwriting and those were my answers
my handwriting and those were my answers
my handwriting and those were my answers but I could have sworn the questions had
but I could have sworn the questions had
but I could have sworn the questions had asked something totally different
asked something totally different
asked something totally different still even though I had a d-minus in the
still even though I had a d-minus in the
still even though I had a d-minus in the class I felt confident in the material
class I felt confident in the material
class I felt confident in the material and I loved learning it I loved it so
and I loved learning it I loved it so
and I loved learning it I loved it so much that I had the audacity to tell my
much that I had the audacity to tell my
much that I had the audacity to tell my biology teacher the one who just failed
biology teacher the one who just failed
biology teacher the one who just failed me that I wanted to take Advanced
me that I wanted to take Advanced
me that I wanted to take Advanced Placement biology the following year
Placement biology the following year
Placement biology the following year he laughed at me as if I was telling him
he laughed at me as if I was telling him
he laughed at me as if I was telling him a joke
a joke
a joke I had to plead with him daily even got
I had to plead with him daily even got
I had to plead with him daily even got my counselor and principle involved the
my counselor and principle involved the
my counselor and principle involved the reason this class was so important to me
reason this class was so important to me
reason this class was so important to me was because my high school only offered
was because my high school only offered
was because my high school only offered it every other year and I did not want
it every other year and I did not want
it every other year and I did not want to wait two years to take a class I was
to wait two years to take a class I was
to wait two years to take a class I was genuinely excited about he finally
genuinely excited about he finally
genuinely excited about he finally agreed on the one condition that I
agreed on the one condition that I
agreed on the one condition that I retake his beginner biology class the
retake his beginner biology class the
retake his beginner biology class the following year I am so glad I stuck up
following year I am so glad I stuck up
following year I am so glad I stuck up for myself I got an a-minus both
for myself I got an a-minus both
for myself I got an a-minus both semesters I was confused though how did
semesters I was confused though how did
semesters I was confused though how did I go from failing beginner biology to
I go from failing beginner biology to
I go from failing beginner biology to then excelling in advanced biology when
then excelling in advanced biology when
then excelling in advanced biology when my study habits didn’t change but I
my study habits didn’t change but I
my study habits didn’t change but I didn’t want to question it I was happy
didn’t want to question it I was happy
didn’t want to question it I was happy with my a and I started to keep moving
with my a and I started to keep moving
with my a and I started to keep moving forward
forward
forward tell you what though I think that
tell you what though I think that
tell you what though I think that contrast in grades played a huge reason
contrast in grades played a huge reason
contrast in grades played a huge reason why I got into such an amazing
why I got into such an amazing
why I got into such an amazing University and that amazing university
University and that amazing university
University and that amazing university was right here at UC Berkeley go bears I
was right here at UC Berkeley go bears I
was right here at UC Berkeley go bears I [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] was pumped I was so excited for college
was pumped I was so excited for college
was pumped I was so excited for college I had the feeling I was going to ace
I had the feeling I was going to ace
I had the feeling I was going to ace every class just like I did advanced
every class just like I did advanced
every class just like I did advanced biology and that’s exactly what happened
biology and that’s exactly what happened
biology and that’s exactly what happened well only in my dreams in reality I
well only in my dreams in reality I
well only in my dreams in reality I failed or barely passed my courses I
failed or barely passed my courses I
failed or barely passed my courses I thought I knew the material I even lied
thought I knew the material I even lied
thought I knew the material I even lied study groups and tutored others but my
study groups and tutored others but my
study groups and tutored others but my grades were just terrible at the start
grades were just terrible at the start
grades were just terrible at the start of every semester I would tell myself
of every semester I would tell myself
of every semester I would tell myself things are gonna be different this time
things are gonna be different this time
things are gonna be different this time I will go to every lecture I will go to
I will go to every lecture I will go to
I will go to every lecture I will go to every office hour I will pre read
every office hour I will pre read
every office hour I will pre read everything I will and the list of all
everything I will and the list of all
everything I will and the list of all the things I would do to be successful
the things I would do to be successful
the things I would do to be successful kept growing but the outcome never
kept growing but the outcome never
kept growing but the outcome never changed
changed
changed I would keep every promise to myself but
I would keep every promise to myself but
I would keep every promise to myself but no matter what I try
no matter what I try
no matter what I try nothing ever changed my sister saw how
nothing ever changed my sister saw how
nothing ever changed my sister saw how much I was struggling and was the first
much I was struggling and was the first
much I was struggling and was the first person to suggest that maybe you have a
person to suggest that maybe you have a
person to suggest that maybe you have a learning disability and that you should
learning disability and that you should
learning disability and that you should go to the campus disabled students
go to the campus disabled students
go to the campus disabled students program to learn more so I did I learned
program to learn more so I did I learned
program to learn more so I did I learned that learning disabilities are a lot
that learning disabilities are a lot
that learning disabilities are a lot more common than I thought but in order
more common than I thought but in order
more common than I thought but in order to take a test to find out if I have one
to take a test to find out if I have one
to take a test to find out if I have one it would cost $1,200 that’s like 600
it would cost $1,200 that’s like 600
it would cost $1,200 that’s like 600 tacos I remember leaving that building
tacos I remember leaving that building
tacos I remember leaving that building thinking I don’t have the means for this
thinking I don’t have the means for this
thinking I don’t have the means for this I immediately dismissed the idea and
I immediately dismissed the idea and
I immediately dismissed the idea and went back to making promises to myself
went back to making promises to myself
went back to making promises to myself to do more little did I know that those
to do more little did I know that those
to do more little did I know that those promises were impossible for me to keep
promises were impossible for me to keep
promises were impossible for me to keep it was about seven semesters of my
it was about seven semesters of my
it was about seven semesters of my persistence lasted but that’s when the
persistence lasted but that’s when the
persistence lasted but that’s when the depression kicked in I ran out of ideas
depression kicked in I ran out of ideas
depression kicked in I ran out of ideas I ran out of energy I ran out of
I ran out of energy I ran out of
I ran out of energy I ran out of promises to make myself and finally I I
promises to make myself and finally I I
promises to make myself and finally I I ran out of hope and this went beyond
ran out of hope and this went beyond
ran out of hope and this went beyond academic failure I felt like I was
academic failure I felt like I was
academic failure I felt like I was failing at being a friend I constantly
failing at being a friend I constantly
failing at being a friend I constantly forgot conversations memories plans and
forgot conversations memories plans and
forgot conversations memories plans and worst of all I forgot deep personal
worst of all I forgot deep personal
worst of all I forgot deep personal stories my best friends would confide in
stories my best friends would confide in
stories my best friends would confide in me the inability to explain the lapses
me the inability to explain the lapses
me the inability to explain the lapses of my memory soon led to a series of
of my memory soon led to a series of
of my memory soon led to a series of panic attacks every time I thought I
panic attacks every time I thought I
panic attacks every time I thought I forgot something
forgot something
forgot something even something like forgetting my keys
even something like forgetting my keys
even something like forgetting my keys it would trigger a panic attack
it would trigger a panic attack
it would trigger a panic attack I started secluding myself so that there
I started secluding myself so that there
I started secluding myself so that there are less things for me to remember I
are less things for me to remember I
are less things for me to remember I stopped going to lecture I stopped going
stopped going to lecture I stopped going
stopped going to lecture I stopped going to social events I even stopped hanging
to social events I even stopped hanging
to social events I even stopped hanging out and I own the living room before I
out and I own the living room before I
out and I own the living room before I knew it I had secluded myself from
knew it I had secluded myself from
knew it I had secluded myself from everything and had completely given up
everything and had completely given up
everything and had completely given up it got so bad that I started thinking
it got so bad that I started thinking
it got so bad that I started thinking would being dead feel better than the
would being dead feel better than the
would being dead feel better than the alive right now I tried to drown all of
alive right now I tried to drown all of
alive right now I tried to drown all of those thoughts with TV shows and
those thoughts with TV shows and
those thoughts with TV shows and sleeping pills
sleeping pills
sleeping pills it wasn’t until my roommate confronted
it wasn’t until my roommate confronted
it wasn’t until my roommate confronted me one night and directly asked me are
me one night and directly asked me are
me one night and directly asked me are you feeling suicidal the moment she said
you feeling suicidal the moment she said
you feeling suicidal the moment she said the word suicidal I broke down in tears
the word suicidal I broke down in tears
the word suicidal I broke down in tears I didn’t want it to be true but that’s
I didn’t want it to be true but that’s
I didn’t want it to be true but that’s how I felt I remember crying the rest of
how I felt I remember crying the rest of
how I felt I remember crying the rest of the night and finally coming to terms
the night and finally coming to terms
the night and finally coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t experiencing
with the fact that I wasn’t experiencing
with the fact that I wasn’t experiencing simply sadness and that if I wanted to
simply sadness and that if I wanted to
simply sadness and that if I wanted to get through this I would need to get
get through this I would need to get
get through this I would need to get help
help
help my roommate suggested that I go talk to
my roommate suggested that I go talk to
my roommate suggested that I go talk to a therapist and it was my therapist who
a therapist and it was my therapist who
a therapist and it was my therapist who helped me become functional even though
helped me become functional even though
helped me become functional even though I was still depressed I was now entering
I was still depressed I was now entering
I was still depressed I was now entering my fourth year at Berkeley and did not
my fourth year at Berkeley and did not
my fourth year at Berkeley and did not feel ready for life after college I
feel ready for life after college I
feel ready for life after college I started looking at internships with the
started looking at internships with the
started looking at internships with the idea that maybe a letter recommendation
idea that maybe a letter recommendation
idea that maybe a letter recommendation could mean more than my 2.3 GPA that’s
could mean more than my 2.3 GPA that’s
could mean more than my 2.3 GPA that’s how I came across this program called
how I came across this program called
how I came across this program called new experiences in research for the
new experiences in research for the
new experiences in research for the diversity in the sciences which stands
diversity in the sciences which stands
diversity in the sciences which stands for nerds and it was this nerds program
for nerds and it was this nerds program
for nerds and it was this nerds program that ultimately changed the course of my
that ultimately changed the course of my
that ultimately changed the course of my life offhand I mentioned to my advisor
life offhand I mentioned to my advisor
life offhand I mentioned to my advisor the problems I was having with my memory
the problems I was having with my memory
the problems I was having with my memory and immediately she said nerds would
and immediately she said nerds would
and immediately she said nerds would cover the $1,200 cost I was so excited
cover the $1,200 cost I was so excited
cover the $1,200 cost I was so excited let’s fast forward to the day of my exam
let’s fast forward to the day of my exam
let’s fast forward to the day of my exam which is known as a psycho-educational
which is known as a psycho-educational
which is known as a psycho-educational assessment it was an eight-hour test
assessment it was an eight-hour test
assessment it was an eight-hour test done one-on-one with a psychiatrist
done one-on-one with a psychiatrist
done one-on-one with a psychiatrist I was quizzed on a whole bunch of things
I was quizzed on a whole bunch of things
I was quizzed on a whole bunch of things from mathematical mad minutes to
from mathematical mad minutes to
from mathematical mad minutes to memorizing a string of words text
memorizing a string of words text
memorizing a string of words text numbers icons I had to wait three days
numbers icons I had to wait three days
numbers icons I had to wait three days before I got my results and in those
before I got my results and in those
before I got my results and in those thirty days I went from feeling hopeful
thirty days I went from feeling hopeful
thirty days I went from feeling hopeful that I’ll finally get
that I’ll finally get
that I’ll finally get to understand myself to then feeling
to understand myself to then feeling
to understand myself to then feeling angry that I don’t have a learning
angry that I don’t have a learning
angry that I don’t have a learning disability I’m just stupid why am I
disability I’m just stupid why am I
disability I’m just stupid why am I wasting everyone’s time to then feeling
wasting everyone’s time to then feeling
wasting everyone’s time to then feeling regret I’ve had a learning disability
regret I’ve had a learning disability
regret I’ve had a learning disability this entire time and I’ve done nothing
this entire time and I’ve done nothing
this entire time and I’ve done nothing about it I kept going back and forth
about it I kept going back and forth
about it I kept going back and forth between anger and regret needless to say
between anger and regret needless to say
between anger and regret needless to say that was the longest 30 days of my life
that was the longest 30 days of my life
that was the longest 30 days of my life but then the day came when I got my
but then the day came when I got my
but then the day came when I got my results and as I was reading that 15
results and as I was reading that 15
results and as I was reading that 15 page assessment all I felt was relief
page assessment all I felt was relief
page assessment all I felt was relief the assessment stated that I had a
the assessment stated that I had a
the assessment stated that I had a reading disorder and their reading
reading disorder and their reading
reading disorder and their reading disorder was caused by two major
disorder was caused by two major
disorder was caused by two major deficits my memory the first deficit was
deficits my memory the first deficit was
deficits my memory the first deficit was with my short-term memory so if we take
with my short-term memory so if we take
with my short-term memory so if we take this paragraph which I realize now I
this paragraph which I realize now I
this paragraph which I realize now I don’t have my clicker talk about
don’t have my clicker talk about
don’t have my clicker talk about forgetting things right so let’s take
forgetting things right so let’s take
forgetting things right so let’s take this paragraph but first time I read it
this paragraph but first time I read it
this paragraph but first time I read it I immediately forgot half of it and on
I immediately forgot half of it and on
I immediately forgot half of it and on top of that my mind does this weird
top of that my mind does this weird
top of that my mind does this weird thing of compensating by adding in new
thing of compensating by adding in new
thing of compensating by adding in new words to just create context the second
words to just create context the second
words to just create context the second is with my auditory memory you know that
is with my auditory memory you know that
is with my auditory memory you know that saying in one ear out the other
saying in one ear out the other
saying in one ear out the other yeah that’s me to a whole other level I
yeah that’s me to a whole other level I
yeah that’s me to a whole other level I literally can’t remember the things that
literally can’t remember the things that
literally can’t remember the things that I hear but that wasn’t my whole story I
I hear but that wasn’t my whole story I
I hear but that wasn’t my whole story I also had two memory strengths and my
also had two memory strengths and my
also had two memory strengths and my strengths were in my visual memory and
strengths were in my visual memory and
strengths were in my visual memory and my long-term memory so if instead that
my long-term memory so if instead that
my long-term memory so if instead that paragraph was a visualization I could
paragraph was a visualization I could
paragraph was a visualization I could remember it easy and probably for years
remember it easy and probably for years
remember it easy and probably for years to come what was greatness like this all
to come what was greatness like this all
to come what was greatness like this all just made sense to me it explained why I
just made sense to me it explained why I
just made sense to me it explained why I did so poorly in beginner biology where
did so poorly in beginner biology where
did so poorly in beginner biology where everything was reliant on the textbook
everything was reliant on the textbook
everything was reliant on the textbook but then did so well in advanced biology
but then did so well in advanced biology
but then did so well in advanced biology where I had a lot of visuals and
where I had a lot of visuals and
where I had a lot of visuals and interactive labs I
interactive labs I
interactive labs I all of this information from my
all of this information from my
all of this information from my assessment and started to retrain my
assessment and started to retrain my
assessment and started to retrain my brain I stopped writing in college
brain I stopped writing in college
brain I stopped writing in college rolled paper and started writing in
rolled paper and started writing in
rolled paper and started writing in sketchbooks I also started writing
sketchbooks I also started writing
sketchbooks I also started writing everything down even in conversations
everything down even in conversations
everything down even in conversations with my best friends
with my best friends
with my best friends I also accepted the fact that I’m gonna
I also accepted the fact that I’m gonna
I also accepted the fact that I’m gonna forget things like this clicker and that
forget things like this clicker and that
forget things like this clicker and that it’s okay I no longer felt embarrassed
it’s okay I no longer felt embarrassed
it’s okay I no longer felt embarrassed whatever I’d forget something because
whatever I’d forget something because
whatever I’d forget something because now I know why it happened after I
now I know why it happened after I
now I know why it happened after I graduated different Berkeley I started
graduated different Berkeley I started
graduated different Berkeley I started at Loma Linda University to study
at Loma Linda University to study
at Loma Linda University to study biostatistics it was a fresh start
biostatistics it was a fresh start
biostatistics it was a fresh start I still worked just as hard as I used to
I still worked just as hard as I used to
I still worked just as hard as I used to and study just as hard but this time I
and study just as hard but this time I
and study just as hard but this time I graduated with my masters with a 4.0 GPA
more importantly that was the first time
more importantly that was the first time I felt complete I no longer felt dumb it
I felt complete I no longer felt dumb it
I felt complete I no longer felt dumb it was in discovering my learning
was in discovering my learning
was in discovering my learning disability that I could truly experience
disability that I could truly experience
disability that I could truly experience self-love one in 10 Americans have a
self-love one in 10 Americans have a
self-love one in 10 Americans have a reading disorder and even more have
reading disorder and even more have
reading disorder and even more have other types of learning disabilities if
other types of learning disabilities if
other types of learning disabilities if any of my story resonates with you or if
any of my story resonates with you or if
any of my story resonates with you or if your it runs you of a loved one I
your it runs you of a loved one I
your it runs you of a loved one I encourage you to seek support and if
encourage you to seek support and if
encourage you to seek support and if you’re not sure where to get started
you’re not sure where to get started
you’re not sure where to get started I’ve added some resources here at this
I’ve added some resources here at this
I’ve added some resources here at this link now that you know my story I hope
link now that you know my story I hope
link now that you know my story I hope we can all come together as a community
we can all come together as a community
we can all come together as a community to turn more almost tragedies into
to turn more almost tragedies into
to turn more almost tragedies into stories full of hope and love thank you
stories full of hope and love thank you
stories full of hope and love thank you [Applause]
”
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