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Why we need to be honest on social media | Olivia Vandyk | TEDxChelmsford


[Applause]

[Applause] thank you to both Steve and

so picture the theme

so picture the theme it’s an August afternoon in beautiful

it’s an August afternoon in beautiful

it’s an August afternoon in beautiful English countryside which means it’s

English countryside which means it’s

English countryside which means it’s sort of overcast but nevertheless we’re

sort of overcast but nevertheless we’re

sort of overcast but nevertheless we’re in a beautiful village that could double

in a beautiful village that could double

in a beautiful village that could double for Downton or typically the bees are

for Downton or typically the bees are

for Downton or typically the bees are buzzing in the hedgerows the combines

buzzing in the hedgerows the combines

buzzing in the hedgerows the combines bringing in the harvest and we’ve driven

bringing in the harvest and we’ve driven

bringing in the harvest and we’ve driven through some utter new chocolate of

through some utter new chocolate of

through some utter new chocolate of scenery to get here and for various

scenery to get here and for various

scenery to get here and for various reasons that I won’t bore you with we

reasons that I won’t bore you with we

reasons that I won’t bore you with we didn’t really have a formal family

didn’t really have a formal family

didn’t really have a formal family getaway this summer we actually had a

getaway this summer we actually had a

getaway this summer we actually had a staycation and so I did what any

staycation and so I did what any

staycation and so I did what any self-respecting social media mother

self-respecting social media mother

self-respecting social media mother would do I got myself on Pinterest and I

would do I got myself on Pinterest and I

would do I got myself on Pinterest and I looked up summer bucket lists and what

looked up summer bucket lists and what

looked up summer bucket lists and what came up was geocaching and that’s the

came up was geocaching and that’s the

came up was geocaching and that’s the reason that we’re in this glorious

reason that we’re in this glorious

reason that we’re in this glorious pastoral middle as a parenting writer

pastoral middle as a parenting writer

pastoral middle as a parenting writer who’ve been moved to the countryside

who’ve been moved to the countryside

who’ve been moved to the countryside after having a baby and yes I know

after having a baby and yes I know

after having a baby and yes I know that’s a terrible cliche I’ve been

that’s a terrible cliche I’ve been

that’s a terrible cliche I’ve been reading about geocaching for years but I

reading about geocaching for years but I

reading about geocaching for years but I haven’t really got rounded to it because

haven’t really got rounded to it because

haven’t really got rounded to it because I had four babies in five years so back

I had four babies in five years so back

I had four babies in five years so back to this glorious dawn and my friends and

to this glorious dawn and my friends and

to this glorious dawn and my friends and her two daughters and me and my two sons

her two daughters and me and my two sons

her two daughters and me and my two sons who decided we’re going to give up go

who decided we’re going to give up go

who decided we’re going to give up go and we head out to this target-rich

and we head out to this target-rich

and we head out to this target-rich environment and obviously in this day

environment and obviously in this day

environment and obviously in this day and age I can’t take it upon myself to

and age I can’t take it upon myself to

and age I can’t take it upon myself to just stop and enjoy the moment no I have

just stop and enjoy the moment no I have

just stop and enjoy the moment no I have to document it so I’m taking some

to document it so I’m taking some

to document it so I’m taking some pictures of a closeup of a cow part

pictures of a closeup of a cow part

pictures of a closeup of a cow part and then my friend’s daughter spies the

and then my friend’s daughter spies the

and then my friend’s daughter spies the ponies and all four children jump up

ponies and all four children jump up

ponies and all four children jump up onto a fire five games and the resulting

onto a fire five games and the resulting

onto a fire five games and the resulting image that we take the first that we

image that we take the first that we

image that we take the first that we take it’s like a cross between and

take it’s like a cross between and

take it’s like a cross between and vintage Enid Blyton cover and a page

vintage Enid Blyton cover and a page

vintage Enid Blyton cover and a page from the mini very casual but to get

from the mini very casual but to get

from the mini very casual but to get here we had to traverse and navigate

here we had to traverse and navigate

here we had to traverse and navigate down an incredibly narrow footpath that

down an incredibly narrow footpath that

down an incredibly narrow footpath that was basically a jungle of stinging

was basically a jungle of stinging

was basically a jungle of stinging nettles this being one day in this

nettles this being one day in this

nettles this being one day in this summer work it didn’t pour were draining

summer work it didn’t pour were draining

summer work it didn’t pour were draining on for sure my sons were giving their

on for sure my sons were giving their

on for sure my sons were giving their shorts their annual airing and so

shorts their annual airing and so

shorts their annual airing and so despite our encouragement for them to

despite our encouragement for them to

despite our encouragement for them to tread the nettles down and you know try

tread the nettles down and you know try

tread the nettles down and you know try and avoid getting stung they ended up

and avoid getting stung they ended up

and avoid getting stung they ended up pretty badly stung and my sons are nine

pretty badly stung and my sons are nine

pretty badly stung and my sons are nine and six so you can imagine they

and six so you can imagine they

and six so you can imagine they complained about it a lot I wonder if

complained about it a lot I wonder if

complained about it a lot I wonder if you can imagine which of the two images

you can imagine which of the two images

you can imagine which of the two images I wanted to post on Instagram looks a

I wanted to post on Instagram looks a

I wanted to post on Instagram looks a bit like American Buddhist isn’t it in

bit like American Buddhist isn’t it in

bit like American Buddhist isn’t it in my work I help businesses understand how

my work I help businesses understand how

my work I help businesses understand how various social networks get people to

various social networks get people to

various social networks get people to understand them get people to know them

understand them get people to know them

understand them get people to know them to like them to trust them and

to like them to trust them and

to like them to trust them and ultimately to do business with them and

ultimately to do business with them and

ultimately to do business with them and to do that we make sure that we have the

to do that we make sure that we have the

to do that we make sure that we have the right message on the right network at

right message on the right network at

right message on the right network at the right time but increasingly I’m

the right time but increasingly I’m

the right time but increasingly I’m noticing that individuals are looking

noticing that individuals are looking

noticing that individuals are looking for that same level of corporate

for that same level of corporate

for that same level of corporate branding and looking for the same amount

branding and looking for the same amount

branding and looking for the same amount of suits of that level of stuff of

of suits of that level of stuff of

of suits of that level of stuff of professional branding and messaging I

professional branding and messaging I

professional branding and messaging I noticed a mother on Facebook posting

noticed a mother on Facebook posting

noticed a mother on Facebook posting about what a wonderful day she’s had and

about what a wonderful day she’s had and

about what a wonderful day she’s had and I know for a fact that she was at the

I know for a fact that she was at the

I know for a fact that she was at the doctors being prescribed antidepressants

doctors being prescribed antidepressants

doctors being prescribed antidepressants there’s nothing wrong with eating anti

there’s nothing wrong with eating anti

there’s nothing wrong with eating anti depressed

depressed

depressed but this need to constantly apply the

but this need to constantly apply the

but this need to constantly apply the filter to everything that we do has

filter to everything that we do has

filter to everything that we do has become a literal example of what Simon

become a literal example of what Simon

become a literal example of what Simon Simon Says side the side access which is

Simon Says side the side access which is

Simon Says side the side access which is we’re growing up in a Facebook and

we’re growing up in a Facebook and

we’re growing up in a Facebook and Instagram world in other words we’re

Instagram world in other words we’re

Instagram world in other words we’re good they’re putting filters on things

good they’re putting filters on things

good they’re putting filters on things we’re really good at showing people that

we’re really good at showing people that

we’re really good at showing people that life is amazing

life is amazing

life is amazing even though I’m depressed I completely

even though I’m depressed I completely

even though I’m depressed I completely understand and have lived through my

understand and have lived through my

understand and have lived through my solution that being a mother at home

solution that being a mother at home

solution that being a mother at home with small children is I remember being

with small children is I remember being

with small children is I remember being desperate for human company and that’s

desperate for human company and that’s

desperate for human company and that’s actually where social media came into

actually where social media came into

actually where social media came into its own even now 10 years later the

its own even now 10 years later the

its own even now 10 years later the majority of my phone my friends live in

majority of my phone my friends live in

majority of my phone my friends live in my phone on what’s up and on Facebook

my phone on what’s up and on Facebook

my phone on what’s up and on Facebook but the ones that I feel closest to are

but the ones that I feel closest to are

but the ones that I feel closest to are the ones who only post Envy invoking

the ones who only post Envy invoking

the ones who only post Envy invoking holidays with their own or the

holidays with their own or the

holidays with their own or the fresh-faced children and pristine

fresh-faced children and pristine

fresh-faced children and pristine uniforms on the first day of school

uniforms on the first day of school

uniforms on the first day of school I like seeing this people I feel closest

I like seeing this people I feel closest

I like seeing this people I feel closest to the ones who share reality because if

to the ones who share reality because if

to the ones who share reality because if everyone is curating what we see of

everyone is curating what we see of

everyone is curating what we see of their lives it’s much harder for us to

their lives it’s much harder for us to

their lives it’s much harder for us to connect and relate to people on a

connect and relate to people on a

connect and relate to people on a genuine level we live in a world that is

genuine level we live in a world that is

genuine level we live in a world that is so rich with social media display that

so rich with social media display that

so rich with social media display that there are blogging conferences for

there are blogging conferences for

there are blogging conferences for parents to learn how better to style and

parents to learn how better to style and

parents to learn how better to style and photograph their lives in order to get

photograph their lives in order to get

photograph their lives in order to get paid for it while we can make those

paid for it while we can make those

paid for it while we can make those other fun things it’s important to

other fun things it’s important to

other fun things it’s important to remember that we can’t actually control

remember that we can’t actually control

remember that we can’t actually control or remember that or control or predict

or remember that or control or predict

or remember that or control or predict what we’re going to remember which of

what we’re going to remember which of

what we’re going to remember which of our memories are going to encapsulate

our memories are going to encapsulate

our memories are going to encapsulate our psyches our deepest psyches and

our psyches our deepest psyches and

our psyches our deepest psyches and which are going to evaporate without

which are going to evaporate without

which are going to evaporate without trace when I was five my father was

trace when I was five my father was

trace when I was five my father was posted in you

posted in you

posted in you Island and during that whole

Island and during that whole

Island and during that whole extraordinary 365 days of my life is

extraordinary 365 days of my life is

extraordinary 365 days of my life is reduced to a flicker of mere memories

reduced to a flicker of mere memories

reduced to a flicker of mere memories the smell of the elementary school

the smell of the elementary school

the smell of the elementary school classroom eating a leftover cheese

classroom eating a leftover cheese

classroom eating a leftover cheese sandwich from a Strawberry Shortcake

sandwich from a Strawberry Shortcake

sandwich from a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox my mother sure was me that I

lunchbox my mother sure was me that I

lunchbox my mother sure was me that I wrote the iconic yellow school bus that

wrote the iconic yellow school bus that

wrote the iconic yellow school bus that we see in the films every day for a year

we see in the films every day for a year

we see in the films every day for a year and I don’t remember it at all so what’s

and I don’t remember it at all so what’s

and I don’t remember it at all so what’s causing this need to apply a filter well

causing this need to apply a filter well

causing this need to apply a filter well we all want our lives to be successful

we all want our lives to be successful

we all want our lives to be successful the truth is and the truth is that we’re

the truth is and the truth is that we’re

the truth is and the truth is that we’re all seeking here approval the number of

all seeking here approval the number of

all seeking here approval the number of lights equates to the amount of success

lights equates to the amount of success

lights equates to the amount of success we all feel peer pressure to only posts

we all feel peer pressure to only posts

we all feel peer pressure to only posts a good day but the truth is there are

a good day but the truth is there are

a good day but the truth is there are those who are enjoying huge online

those who are enjoying huge online

those who are enjoying huge online success by posting the brutal truth let

success by posting the brutal truth let

success by posting the brutal truth let me give you three examples there’s Ross

me give you three examples there’s Ross

me give you three examples there’s Ross Morrison McGill from teacher toolkit

Morrison McGill from teacher toolkit

Morrison McGill from teacher toolkit who’s recently been posting about mental

who’s recently been posting about mental

who’s recently been posting about mental health and teaching you can’t get more

health and teaching you can’t get more

health and teaching you can’t get more honest and raw than that

honest and raw than that

honest and raw than that Katie Kirby from Heritage in which is a

Katie Kirby from Heritage in which is a

Katie Kirby from Heritage in which is a wonderfully entitled vlog but entirely

wonderfully entitled vlog but entirely

wonderfully entitled vlog but entirely encapsulated and also Jill Sims from

encapsulated and also Jill Sims from

encapsulated and also Jill Sims from PETA and Jenny both of those hilariously

PETA and Jenny both of those hilariously

PETA and Jenny both of those hilariously an excruciatingly ly give detail on the

an excruciatingly ly give detail on the

an excruciatingly ly give detail on the not so brilliant days but what’s really

not so brilliant days but what’s really

not so brilliant days but what’s really interesting is when you give people the

interesting is when you give people the

interesting is when you give people the opportunity to tell the truth before I

opportunity to tell the truth before I

opportunity to tell the truth before I did what I do now I look to talk to the

did what I do now I look to talk to the

did what I do now I look to talk to the community at Mumsnet

community at Mumsnet

community at Mumsnet a little over ten years and the key to

a little over ten years and the key to

a little over ten years and the key to Mumsnet success is the fact that people

Mumsnet success is the fact that people

Mumsnet success is the fact that people can anonymously and therefore honestly

can anonymously and therefore honestly

can anonymously and therefore honestly ask questions of their online here but

ask questions of their online here but

ask questions of their online here but they would never ask in real life

they would never ask in real life

they would never ask in real life because it would shatter the illusion

because it would shatter the illusion

because it would shatter the illusion that everyone has the are

that everyone has the are

that everyone has the are and the light is perfect I have seen

and the light is perfect I have seen

and the light is perfect I have seen amazing things happen on social media

amazing things happen on social media

amazing things happen on social media when people online I have seen suicides

when people online I have seen suicides

when people online I have seen suicides prevented because online posters have

prevented because online posters have

prevented because online posters have talked someone out of committing suicide

talked someone out of committing suicide

talked someone out of committing suicide I have seen serious illnesses diagnosed

I have seen serious illnesses diagnosed

I have seen serious illnesses diagnosed from their symptoms where doctors have

from their symptoms where doctors have

from their symptoms where doctors have said things are fine I have seen

said things are fine I have seen

said things are fine I have seen domestic violence victims explain having

domestic violence victims explain having

domestic violence victims explain having helps to understand that not only is

helps to understand that not only is

helps to understand that not only is there a problem in the relationship but

there a problem in the relationship but

there a problem in the relationship but given emotional practical tangible

given emotional practical tangible

given emotional practical tangible support on how to leave where to go and

support on how to leave where to go and

support on how to leave where to go and what to take with them when they do so

what to take with them when they do so

what to take with them when they do so we know that people out there aren’t

we know that people out there aren’t

we know that people out there aren’t having brilliant days all the time

having brilliant days all the time

having brilliant days all the time and we also know that there are those

and we also know that there are those

and we also know that there are those out there willing to support them but we

out there willing to support them but we

out there willing to support them but we feel uncomfortable asking for help in an

feel uncomfortable asking for help in an

feel uncomfortable asking for help in an anonymous way increasingly we’re coming

anonymous way increasingly we’re coming

anonymous way increasingly we’re coming to recognize that social media is the

to recognize that social media is the

to recognize that social media is the definitive record of our lives Facebook

definitive record of our lives Facebook

definitive record of our lives Facebook even has its own memory section it will

even has its own memory section it will

even has its own memory section it will give you precisely what you posted on

give you precisely what you posted on

give you precisely what you posted on this give attain any number of years

this give attain any number of years

this give attain any number of years before sort of like a highlights reel at

before sort of like a highlights reel at

before sort of like a highlights reel at the end of a contestants run on

the end of a contestants run on

the end of a contestants run on strengthening but you know the

strengthening but you know the

strengthening but you know the difference between what the producers

difference between what the producers

difference between what the producers know and the bits that we edit ourselves

know and the bits that we edit ourselves

know and the bits that we edit ourselves is that they know that too much of a

is that they know that too much of a

is that they know that too much of a good thing because saccharine and faith

good thing because saccharine and faith

good thing because saccharine and faith if the X Factor only showed I know you

if the X Factor only showed I know you

if the X Factor only showed I know you love the X right here if the X Factor

love the X right here if the X Factor

love the X right here if the X Factor only showed footage of phenomenal

only showed footage of phenomenal

only showed footage of phenomenal singers and not the part where people

singers and not the part where people

singers and not the part where people forgot their lines or sang off-key or if

forgot their lines or sang off-key or if

forgot their lines or sang off-key or if just struggling with the process then we

just struggling with the process then we

just struggling with the process then we wouldn’t have the journey showing the

wouldn’t have the journey showing the

wouldn’t have the journey showing the all one a little bit of room for growth

all one a little bit of room for growth

all one a little bit of room for growth we all want that before and after if

we all want that before and after if

we all want that before and after if you’re only showing

you’re only showing

you’re only showing rosy highlights and best bits and you

rosy highlights and best bits and you

rosy highlights and best bits and you haven’t got that journey since I’ve been

haven’t got that journey since I’ve been

haven’t got that journey since I’ve been talking over 300,000 pictures have been

talking over 300,000 pictures have been

talking over 300,000 pictures have been posted to Instagram using who knows how

posted to Instagram using who knows how

posted to Instagram using who knows how I closes and how much Photoshop 6000 new

I closes and how much Photoshop 6000 new

I closes and how much Photoshop 6000 new profiles created on Facebook so what I’d

profiles created on Facebook so what I’d

profiles created on Facebook so what I’d like you to do like is the next time you

like you to do like is the next time you

like you to do like is the next time you go to post think about whether you’ll be

go to post think about whether you’ll be

go to post think about whether you’ll be honest whether you’re telling the whole

honest whether you’re telling the whole

honest whether you’re telling the whole truth or whether you’re using the pick

truth or whether you’re using the pick

truth or whether you’re using the pick of the best fits our lives have great

of the best fits our lives have great

of the best fits our lives have great deaths but social media rarely depicts

deaths but social media rarely depicts

deaths but social media rarely depicts this at all

this at all

this at all why not post a picture of the time the

why not post a picture of the time the

why not post a picture of the time the baby penguins are top of sunna pram or

baby penguins are top of sunna pram or

baby penguins are top of sunna pram or explain but when you went to the beach

explain but when you went to the beach

explain but when you went to the beach it took two hours to get there because

it took two hours to get there because

it took two hours to get there because of the traffic jams and then when you’ve

of the traffic jams and then when you’ve

of the traffic jams and then when you’ve got there it’s potty training by the

got there it’s potty training by the

got there it’s potty training by the tiny pull of the ice cream in the end

tiny pull of the ice cream in the end

tiny pull of the ice cream in the end what bringing us closer is being honest

what bringing us closer is being honest

what bringing us closer is being honest with each other now we throw balls to

with each other now we throw balls to

with each other now we throw balls to suggest that the next time you stop

you

you [Applause]

”

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