in any given year 40 million Americans will suffer from debilitating anxiety
will suffer from debilitating anxiety
will suffer from debilitating anxiety over the course of your lifetime there’s
over the course of your lifetime there’s
over the course of your lifetime there’s a 1 out of 4 chance that you’ll have an
a 1 out of 4 chance that you’ll have an
a 1 out of 4 chance that you’ll have an anxiety disorder that is such a
anxiety disorder that is such a
anxiety disorder that is such a staggering rate it suggests that we have
staggering rate it suggests that we have
staggering rate it suggests that we have entered into a new realm
entered into a new realm
entered into a new realm we’ve acclimated to a new norm one of
we’ve acclimated to a new norm one of
we’ve acclimated to a new norm one of mass disquiet anxiety exists in epidemic
mass disquiet anxiety exists in epidemic
mass disquiet anxiety exists in epidemic proportions in our culture if 40 million
proportions in our culture if 40 million
proportions in our culture if 40 million people fell mysteriously ill on a
people fell mysteriously ill on a
people fell mysteriously ill on a physical level the Center for Disease
physical level the Center for Disease
physical level the Center for Disease Control would be searching for the cause
Control would be searching for the cause
Control would be searching for the cause and looking to find the solution as a
and looking to find the solution as a
and looking to find the solution as a practicing psychotherapist it’s never
practicing psychotherapist it’s never
practicing psychotherapist it’s never made sense to me that the best we can do
made sense to me that the best we can do
made sense to me that the best we can do is try to manage this disorder typically
is try to manage this disorder typically
is try to manage this disorder typically through medication so I’ve been
through medication so I’ve been
through medication so I’ve been searching to understand why we struggle
searching to understand why we struggle
searching to understand why we struggle in this way now I’m not talking about
in this way now I’m not talking about
in this way now I’m not talking about normal levels of stress which are
normal levels of stress which are
normal levels of stress which are typical in our lives I feel some stress
typical in our lives I feel some stress
typical in our lives I feel some stress standing here right now
standing here right now
standing here right now that’s the stress of engagement of being
that’s the stress of engagement of being
that’s the stress of engagement of being productive and generative moving forward
productive and generative moving forward
productive and generative moving forward but when stress turns into distress it
but when stress turns into distress it
but when stress turns into distress it impedes that blocks our ability to live
impedes that blocks our ability to live
impedes that blocks our ability to live our lives well with joy to be present in
our lives well with joy to be present in
our lives well with joy to be present in our relationships so I’ve been searching
our relationships so I’ve been searching
our relationships so I’ve been searching to understand why we are entrenched in
to understand why we are entrenched in
to understand why we are entrenched in this epidemic of anxiety here’s what
this epidemic of anxiety here’s what
this epidemic of anxiety here’s what I’ve learned I find that primarily the
I’ve learned I find that primarily the
I’ve learned I find that primarily the cause of such anxiety is due to our
cause of such anxiety is due to our
cause of such anxiety is due to our relationship with our thoughts
relationship with our thoughts
relationship with our thoughts you see when our thoughts are constantly
you see when our thoughts are constantly
you see when our thoughts are constantly seeking certainty wanting to know the
seeking certainty wanting to know the
seeking certainty wanting to know the future in advance we get anxious we get
future in advance we get anxious we get
future in advance we get anxious we get fearful we can’t know that future in
fearful we can’t know that future in
fearful we can’t know that future in advance is unknowable but we still
advance is unknowable but we still
advance is unknowable but we still continue to search for it it sets up as
continue to search for it it sets up as
continue to search for it it sets up as the struggle to actually engage in the
the struggle to actually engage in the
the struggle to actually engage in the flow of life rather than experiencing
flow of life rather than experiencing
flow of life rather than experiencing life we’re trying to war law
life we’re trying to war law
life we’re trying to war law the uncertain this induces fear in our
the uncertain this induces fear in our
the uncertain this induces fear in our lives
lives
lives ask yourselves think to yourself what
ask yourselves think to yourself what
ask yourselves think to yourself what causes stress fear and anxiety in my
causes stress fear and anxiety in my
causes stress fear and anxiety in my life does it have something to do with
life does it have something to do with
life does it have something to do with my need to know the future number of
my need to know the future number of
my need to know the future number of years ago I was working with the woman
years ago I was working with the woman
years ago I was working with the woman who came to see me around her
who came to see me around her
who came to see me around her relationship her marriage and her
relationship her marriage and her
relationship her marriage and her anxiety disorder she shared with me that
anxiety disorder she shared with me that
anxiety disorder she shared with me that she was unhappily married in a loveless
she was unhappily married in a loveless
she was unhappily married in a loveless marriage her husband had refused
marriage her husband had refused
marriage her husband had refused marriage counseling and she said they
marriage counseling and she said they
marriage counseling and she said they were very disconnected and conflicted
were very disconnected and conflicted
were very disconnected and conflicted they were both financially independent
they were both financially independent
they were both financially independent and they had no children so I asked her
and they had no children so I asked her
and they had no children so I asked her why do you continue to stay married she
why do you continue to stay married she
why do you continue to stay married she shared that it was around her
shared that it was around her
shared that it was around her uncertainty about who would I be if I
uncertainty about who would I be if I
uncertainty about who would I be if I got divorced what would my life be like
got divorced what would my life be like
got divorced what would my life be like if I were not married I was incredulous
if I were not married I was incredulous
if I were not married I was incredulous at first because the known in her life
at first because the known in her life
at first because the known in her life was setting up such despair such anguish
was setting up such despair such anguish
was setting up such despair such anguish such depression and such anxiety but
such depression and such anxiety but
such depression and such anxiety but there it was her need to know who she
there it was her need to know who she
there it was her need to know who she would be in the future
would be in the future
would be in the future precluded her from moving forward and
precluded her from moving forward and
precluded her from moving forward and kept her stagnating in life and stuck in
kept her stagnating in life and stuck in
kept her stagnating in life and stuck in the way she was the need to know who
the way she was the need to know who
the way she was the need to know who would I be kept her mired in an unhappy
would I be kept her mired in an unhappy
would I be kept her mired in an unhappy if not miserable relationship I see this
if not miserable relationship I see this
if not miserable relationship I see this phenomenon occurring on so many levels
phenomenon occurring on so many levels
phenomenon occurring on so many levels in our lives so how did we get to be
in our lives so how did we get to be
in our lives so how did we get to be this way how did we get stuck requiring
this way how did we get stuck requiring
this way how did we get stuck requiring certainty after all we seek uncertainty
certainty after all we seek uncertainty
certainty after all we seek uncertainty when we go to sports events movies read
when we go to sports events movies read
when we go to sports events movies read books but in our personal lives we try
books but in our personal lives we try
books but in our personal lives we try the thwart and lock uncertainty I
the thwart and lock uncertainty I
the thwart and lock uncertainty I tracked the cause back to the great 17th
tracked the cause back to the great 17th
tracked the cause back to the great 17th century scientist Sir Isaac Newton
century scientist Sir Isaac Newton
century scientist Sir Isaac Newton Newton proposed that if we had enough
Newton proposed that if we had enough
Newton proposed that if we had enough information today what we might call
information today what we might call
information today what we might call data that we might reasonably predict a
data that we might reasonably predict a
data that we might reasonably predict a future event this became known as
future event this became known as
future event this became known as determinism but we took it to an extreme
determinism but we took it to an extreme
determinism but we took it to an extreme it led us to slicing and dicing our
it led us to slicing and dicing our
it led us to slicing and dicing our options godling getting a stuck in our
options godling getting a stuck in our
options godling getting a stuck in our lives
lives
lives it created a fear a fear of making the
it created a fear a fear of making the
it created a fear a fear of making the wrong move it’s almost as though we are
wrong move it’s almost as though we are
wrong move it’s almost as though we are living our lives as though we’re playing
living our lives as though we’re playing
living our lives as though we’re playing at
at
at chess match sitting back and
chess match sitting back and
chess match sitting back and deliberating but afraid of making the
deliberating but afraid of making the
deliberating but afraid of making the wrong move if you have problems making
wrong move if you have problems making
wrong move if you have problems making decisions if you get stuck and moving
decisions if you get stuck and moving
decisions if you get stuck and moving forward in your life you probably have
forward in your life you probably have
forward in your life you probably have an issue with around your fear of
an issue with around your fear of
an issue with around your fear of uncertainty here’s the good news it
uncertainty here’s the good news it
uncertainty here’s the good news it turns out we’ve been living from the
turns out we’ve been living from the
turns out we’ve been living from the wrong gameplan over the last 100 years
wrong gameplan over the last 100 years
wrong gameplan over the last 100 years remarkable discoveries in the field of
remarkable discoveries in the field of
remarkable discoveries in the field of quantum physics have revealed that the
quantum physics have revealed that the
quantum physics have revealed that the universe reality is nothing like what we
universe reality is nothing like what we
universe reality is nothing like what we imagined it to be it’s not Newton’s
imagined it to be it’s not Newton’s
imagined it to be it’s not Newton’s reality reality is not fixed
reality reality is not fixed
reality reality is not fixed deterministic or predictable nothing is
deterministic or predictable nothing is
deterministic or predictable nothing is in earth it is a flowing moving bubbling
in earth it is a flowing moving bubbling
in earth it is a flowing moving bubbling sea of possibilities infinite
sea of possibilities infinite
sea of possibilities infinite potentiality and we too can jump into
potentiality and we too can jump into
potentiality and we too can jump into that game plan and live our lives that
that game plan and live our lives that
that game plan and live our lives that way once we can reframe our relationship
way once we can reframe our relationship
way once we can reframe our relationship with uncertainty think about it
with uncertainty think about it
with uncertainty think about it embracing uncertainty allows you to
embracing uncertainty allows you to
embracing uncertainty allows you to start to navigate and craft your own
start to navigate and craft your own
start to navigate and craft your own life decision I use this concept with
life decision I use this concept with
life decision I use this concept with that woman who was stuck in that
that woman who was stuck in that
that woman who was stuck in that troubled marriage I asked her to close
troubled marriage I asked her to close
troubled marriage I asked her to close her eyes and imagine that she was
her eyes and imagine that she was
her eyes and imagine that she was standing by the bank of a river I
standing by the bank of a river I
standing by the bank of a river I explained to her that the river
explained to her that the river
explained to her that the river metaphorically was going to resemble the
metaphorically was going to resemble the
metaphorically was going to resemble the flow of her life the current of life
flow of her life the current of life
flow of her life the current of life particularly the middle of the river
particularly the middle of the river
particularly the middle of the river where the currently gets strong she
where the currently gets strong she
where the currently gets strong she closed her eyes and I let a few seconds
closed her eyes and I let a few seconds
closed her eyes and I let a few seconds passed and then I asked her what she saw
passed and then I asked her what she saw
passed and then I asked her what she saw she said to me she sees herself in the
she said to me she sees herself in the
she said to me she sees herself in the middle of the river where the current is
middle of the river where the current is
middle of the river where the current is strong but there’s a large rock let’s
strong but there’s a large rock let’s
strong but there’s a large rock let’s call it a boulder and she’s grabbed
call it a boulder and she’s grabbed
call it a boulder and she’s grabbed ahold of that Boulder and they asked her
ahold of that Boulder and they asked her
ahold of that Boulder and they asked her why why are you holding on to the
why why are you holding on to the
why why are you holding on to the boulder and she said well the river is
boulder and she said well the river is
boulder and she said well the river is bending to the right up ahead and I need
bending to the right up ahead and I need
bending to the right up ahead and I need to know where it’s gonna take me let’s
to know where it’s gonna take me let’s
to know where it’s gonna take me let’s presume that that’s going to be her life
presume that that’s going to be her life
presume that that’s going to be her life as a divorce to sing a woman she needed
as a divorce to sing a woman she needed
as a divorce to sing a woman she needed to know I explained to her she needed to
to know I explained to her she needed to
to know I explained to her she needed to let go of that boulder and enter into
let go of that boulder and enter into
let go of that boulder and enter into the flow of life and that once she did
the flow of life and that once she did
the flow of life and that once she did she’d be free to navigate along the way
she’d be free to navigate along the way
she’d be free to navigate along the way but she had to let go of that Boulder
but she had to let go of that Boulder
but she had to let go of that Boulder how we accomplish this how do we have
how we accomplish this how do we have
how we accomplish this how do we have this shift of mind to allow us to make
this shift of mind to allow us to make
this shift of mind to allow us to make these changes in our lives first we have
these changes in our lives first we have
these changes in our lives first we have to change our relationship with
to change our relationship with
to change our relationship with uncertainty you know typically what we
uncertainty you know typically what we
uncertainty you know typically what we fear we resist we go like this we push
fear we resist we go like this we push
fear we resist we go like this we push it away and when we do that it imposes
it away and when we do that it imposes
it away and when we do that it imposes that it makes it greater it makes us
that it makes it greater it makes us
that it makes it greater it makes us more anxious paradoxically what we need
more anxious paradoxically what we need
more anxious paradoxically what we need to do is invite what we fear in when you
to do is invite what we fear in when you
to do is invite what we fear in when you invite it in in this case invite
invite it in in this case invite
invite it in in this case invite uncertainty and the fear starts to
uncertainty and the fear starts to
uncertainty and the fear starts to dissipate it starts to retreat think of
dissipate it starts to retreat think of
dissipate it starts to retreat think of it this way if reality is uncertain and
it this way if reality is uncertain and
it this way if reality is uncertain and we cling to seeking certainty we’re
we cling to seeking certainty we’re
we cling to seeking certainty we’re going to dysfunction we need to change
going to dysfunction we need to change
going to dysfunction we need to change our game plan of how we engage life next
our game plan of how we engage life next
our game plan of how we engage life next think about your relationship with your
think about your relationship with your
think about your relationship with your thoughts if you still see your thoughts
thoughts if you still see your thoughts
thoughts if you still see your thoughts are seeking certainty you need to notice
are seeking certainty you need to notice
are seeking certainty you need to notice those thoughts try to release them
those thoughts try to release them
those thoughts try to release them essentially see the thought but don’t
essentially see the thought but don’t
essentially see the thought but don’t become the thought if you don’t become
become the thought if you don’t become
become the thought if you don’t become that thought you can release it it’s the
that thought you can release it it’s the
that thought you can release it it’s the moment you have a thought the thought
moment you have a thought the thought
moment you have a thought the thought summons up the accompanying emotion they
summons up the accompanying emotion they
summons up the accompanying emotion they work in tandem so if you have a thought
work in tandem so if you have a thought
work in tandem so if you have a thought seeking certainty you’re going to feel
seeking certainty you’re going to feel
seeking certainty you’re going to feel fearful you’re going to feel anxious in
fearful you’re going to feel anxious in
fearful you’re going to feel anxious in the nanosecond between your thoughts you
the nanosecond between your thoughts you
the nanosecond between your thoughts you exist in the state of pure potential
exist in the state of pure potential
exist in the state of pure potential that’s the universal reality but if you
that’s the universal reality but if you
that’s the universal reality but if you keep having thoughts that are seeking
keep having thoughts that are seeking
keep having thoughts that are seeking certainty garnering fear you’re never
certainty garnering fear you’re never
certainty garnering fear you’re never going to transcend anxiety the most
going to transcend anxiety the most
going to transcend anxiety the most report the most important relationship
report the most important relationship
report the most important relationship you’ll ever have in your life is it with
you’ll ever have in your life is it with
you’ll ever have in your life is it with your parents it isn’t with your children
your parents it isn’t with your children
your parents it isn’t with your children it’s not with your spouse the
it’s not with your spouse the
it’s not with your spouse the relationship that’s going to impact you
relationship that’s going to impact you
relationship that’s going to impact you far more than any other relationship you
far more than any other relationship you
far more than any other relationship you have ever had is with your thoughts you
have ever had is with your thoughts you
have ever had is with your thoughts you need to learn to choose them with care
need to learn to choose them with care
need to learn to choose them with care turn your thoughts into your ally when
turn your thoughts into your ally when
turn your thoughts into your ally when you do that you can begin to write the
you do that you can begin to write the
you do that you can begin to write the script of your own life
think of it this way uncertainty can be
think of it this way uncertainty can be the wind in the cell of your life that
the wind in the cell of your life that
the wind in the cell of your life that generates your ability to move forward
generates your ability to move forward
generates your ability to move forward and experience your life without fear
and experience your life without fear
and experience your life without fear without anxiety and with joy and the
without anxiety and with joy and the
without anxiety and with joy and the ability to be present embrace
ability to be present embrace
ability to be present embrace uncertainty it can be your best friend
”
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