addict addict it’s a pretty uncomfortable word isn’t it this is a
uncomfortable word isn’t it this is a
uncomfortable word isn’t it this is a word that we need to get more
word that we need to get more
word that we need to get more comfortable with because by not talking
comfortable with because by not talking
comfortable with because by not talking about addiction we’re ignoring one of
about addiction we’re ignoring one of
about addiction we’re ignoring one of the greatest threats to human health to
the greatest threats to human health to
the greatest threats to human health to date in the ten minutes it’s going to
date in the ten minutes it’s going to
date in the ten minutes it’s going to take me to give this talk three
take me to give this talk three
take me to give this talk three Americans are gonna pass away from a
Americans are gonna pass away from a
Americans are gonna pass away from a drug or alcohol-related cause so I was
drug or alcohol-related cause so I was
drug or alcohol-related cause so I was getting ready for this talk and I was
getting ready for this talk and I was
getting ready for this talk and I was trying to come up with a story from my
trying to come up with a story from my
trying to come up with a story from my life something to tell you guys that
life something to tell you guys that
life something to tell you guys that would be generic enough so anyone in the
would be generic enough so anyone in the
would be generic enough so anyone in the audience could relate and yet specific
audience could relate and yet specific
audience could relate and yet specific enough so you’d really connect to the
enough so you’d really connect to the
enough so you’d really connect to the details you know turns out nothing about
details you know turns out nothing about
details you know turns out nothing about my life has really been all that generic
my life has really been all that generic
my life has really been all that generic so I’m gonna have to tell you my story
so I’m gonna have to tell you my story
so I’m gonna have to tell you my story the way it really happened and hope that
the way it really happened and hope that
the way it really happened and hope that you’re still able to connect anyway I
you’re still able to connect anyway I
you’re still able to connect anyway I haven’t taken a traditional route
haven’t taken a traditional route
haven’t taken a traditional route through college but we’ll get to that in
through college but we’ll get to that in
through college but we’ll get to that in a minute by now we’ve probably all
a minute by now we’ve probably all
a minute by now we’ve probably all started to hear about the opioid
started to hear about the opioid
started to hear about the opioid epidemic and I’ve heard some statistics
epidemic and I’ve heard some statistics
epidemic and I’ve heard some statistics about drug overdose the statistics are
about drug overdose the statistics are
about drug overdose the statistics are pretty terrible did you know that more
pretty terrible did you know that more
pretty terrible did you know that more people died from a drug overdose last
people died from a drug overdose last
people died from a drug overdose last year than those that died in car
year than those that died in car
year than those that died in car accidents but one of the problems with
accidents but one of the problems with
accidents but one of the problems with statistics is that we can separate
statistics is that we can separate
statistics is that we can separate ourselves from them you probably just
ourselves from them you probably just
ourselves from them you probably just did it just then when I told you that
did it just then when I told you that
did it just then when I told you that when something is uncomfortable we want
when something is uncomfortable we want
when something is uncomfortable we want to separate ourselves from it and
to separate ourselves from it and
to separate ourselves from it and convince ourselves that it’s not
convince ourselves that it’s not
convince ourselves that it’s not affecting us directly but one of the
affecting us directly but one of the
affecting us directly but one of the issues with this is that it is
issues with this is that it is
issues with this is that it is disconnecting us from human beings
disconnecting us from human beings
disconnecting us from human beings suffering all around us that need our
suffering all around us that need our
suffering all around us that need our help
help
help TEDx Vanderbilt is about sharing stories
TEDx Vanderbilt is about sharing stories
TEDx Vanderbilt is about sharing stories and I believe that if we got vulnerable
and I believe that if we got vulnerable
and I believe that if we got vulnerable and shared our stories with one another
and shared our stories with one another
and shared our stories with one another we’d begin to connect on a deeper level
we’d begin to connect on a deeper level
we’d begin to connect on a deeper level so even though I’m gonna be sharing a
so even though I’m gonna be sharing a
so even though I’m gonna be sharing a bit about my story it mirrors the story
bit about my story it mirrors the story
bit about my story it mirrors the story of thousands of students across this
of thousands of students across this
of thousands of students across this country and many on this campus that
country and many on this campus that
country and many on this campus that have struggled with addiction or found
have struggled with addiction or found
have struggled with addiction or found their way to recovery isn’t being a
their way to recovery isn’t being a
their way to recovery isn’t being a little kid great not a thing to worry
little kid great not a thing to worry
little kid great not a thing to worry about in the world
about in the world
about in the world I was a pretty happy kid pretty cute too
I was a pretty happy kid pretty cute too
I was a pretty happy kid pretty cute too if I do say so myself
if I do say so myself
if I do say so myself I played soccer I even got a black belt
I played soccer I even got a black belt
I played soccer I even got a black belt in karate my favorite thing to do though
in karate my favorite thing to do though
in karate my favorite thing to do though was to ride this neon yellow bike I had
was to ride this neon yellow bike I had
was to ride this neon yellow bike I had as fast as I can
as fast as I can
as fast as I can down the street slam on the brakes and
down the street slam on the brakes and
down the street slam on the brakes and ski up the back tire down the road I
ski up the back tire down the road I
ski up the back tire down the road I always thought that was pretty cool
always thought that was pretty cool
always thought that was pretty cool I also remembered being pretty good at
I also remembered being pretty good at
I also remembered being pretty good at school without trying all that hard and
school without trying all that hard and
school without trying all that hard and can even remember my mom taking me to
can even remember my mom taking me to
can even remember my mom taking me to visit some colleges that she was hoping
visit some colleges that she was hoping
visit some colleges that she was hoping I would start thinking about when I was
I would start thinking about when I was
I would start thinking about when I was about middle school age Duke Princeton
about middle school age Duke Princeton
about middle school age Duke Princeton Berkeley that was our plan addiction
Berkeley that was our plan addiction
Berkeley that was our plan addiction doesn’t care much about our plans by the
doesn’t care much about our plans by the
doesn’t care much about our plans by the time I had set foot in high school I had
time I had set foot in high school I had
time I had set foot in high school I had started feeling extremely depressed so
started feeling extremely depressed so
started feeling extremely depressed so depressed in fact that I was having
depressed in fact that I was having
depressed in fact that I was having trouble getting out of bed I looked at
trouble getting out of bed I looked at
trouble getting out of bed I looked at all the other kids around me they seemed
all the other kids around me they seemed
all the other kids around me they seemed so happy and made life’s look so easy
so happy and made life’s look so easy
so happy and made life’s look so easy all the pressures to succeed fit in good
all the pressures to succeed fit in good
all the pressures to succeed fit in good good grades wear the right clothes plan
good grades wear the right clothes plan
good grades wear the right clothes plan for the right College and of course I
for the right College and of course I
for the right College and of course I got exposed to drugs and alcohol I heard
got exposed to drugs and alcohol I heard
got exposed to drugs and alcohol I heard over and over you have so much potential
over and over you have so much potential
over and over you have so much potential you could really be great if you just
you could really be great if you just
you could really be great if you just apply yourself but it’s kind of hard to
apply yourself but it’s kind of hard to
apply yourself but it’s kind of hard to apply yourself when you can’t even get
apply yourself when you can’t even get
apply yourself when you can’t even get out of bed isn’t it rather than try and
out of bed isn’t it rather than try and
out of bed isn’t it rather than try and risk failure it felt easier to just give
risk failure it felt easier to just give
risk failure it felt easier to just give up and drugs became at first a
up and drugs became at first a
up and drugs became at first a medication that I was using to deal with
medication that I was using to deal with
medication that I was using to deal with the sadness that I was experiencing in
the sadness that I was experiencing in
the sadness that I was experiencing in about a year and a half’s time I went
about a year and a half’s time I went
about a year and a half’s time I went from being a straight-a student to
from being a straight-a student to
from being a straight-a student to dropping out in the 10th grade things
dropping out in the 10th grade things
dropping out in the 10th grade things got much worse I was born in Holland and
got much worse I was born in Holland and
got much worse I was born in Holland and the Dutch word for addiction is fair
the Dutch word for addiction is fair
the Dutch word for addiction is fair slapped it translates to enslaved the
slapped it translates to enslaved the
slapped it translates to enslaved the word fix because addiction leaves you
word fix because addiction leaves you
word fix because addiction leaves you feeling completely enslaved in a state
feeling completely enslaved in a state
feeling completely enslaved in a state of hopelessness addiction isn’t fun
of hopelessness addiction isn’t fun
of hopelessness addiction isn’t fun I wanted help and I wanted to ask but I
I wanted help and I wanted to ask but I
I wanted help and I wanted to ask but I didn’t know where to turn
didn’t know where to turn
didn’t know where to turn despite having a good family strong
despite having a good family strong
despite having a good family strong personal morals and plenty of willpower
personal morals and plenty of willpower
personal morals and plenty of willpower I was not able to stop on my own through
I was not able to stop on my own through
I was not able to stop on my own through a hospital visit I found myself in drug
a hospital visit I found myself in drug
a hospital visit I found myself in drug treatment you know rehab I was 20 years
treatment you know rehab I was 20 years
treatment you know rehab I was 20 years old and I was being told that I could
old and I was being told that I could
old and I was being told that I could never drink or use drugs ever again
never drink or use drugs ever again
never drink or use drugs ever again despite the wreckage of my life if you
despite the wreckage of my life if you
despite the wreckage of my life if you had asked me then I’m sure I would have
had asked me then I’m sure I would have
had asked me then I’m sure I would have told you I could quit on my own
told you I could quit on my own
told you I could quit on my own accepting help felt like admitting
accepting help felt like admitting
accepting help felt like admitting weakness addicts are weak aren’t they
weakness addicts are weak aren’t they
weakness addicts are weak aren’t they regardless I was starting to feel quite
regardless I was starting to feel quite
regardless I was starting to feel quite a bit better my mind was clearing I was
a bit better my mind was clearing I was
a bit better my mind was clearing I was laughing and making friends and having
laughing and making friends and having
laughing and making friends and having fun for the first time that I had in
fun for the first time that I had in
fun for the first time that I had in many
many
many staying sober was looking ok I guess
staying sober was looking ok I guess
staying sober was looking ok I guess one day we did an activity the guys in
one day we did an activity the guys in
one day we did an activity the guys in my group would get strapped up into this
my group would get strapped up into this
my group would get strapped up into this harness and one-by-one climb to the top
harness and one-by-one climb to the top
harness and one-by-one climb to the top of that 60-foot telephone pole they’d
of that 60-foot telephone pole they’d
of that 60-foot telephone pole they’d get to the top stand on this little
get to the top stand on this little
get to the top stand on this little wooden platform and jump off again this
wooden platform and jump off again this
wooden platform and jump off again this was supposed to symbolize courage and
was supposed to symbolize courage and
was supposed to symbolize courage and surrender I stood back I made my best
surrender I stood back I made my best
surrender I stood back I made my best this is so stupid face
this is so stupid face
this is so stupid face but despite myself I really wanted to
but despite myself I really wanted to
but despite myself I really wanted to climb that telephone pole too and a few
climb that telephone pole too and a few
climb that telephone pole too and a few weeks later I got my chance I carefully
weeks later I got my chance I carefully
weeks later I got my chance I carefully made my way up to the top it was a lot
made my way up to the top it was a lot
made my way up to the top it was a lot scarier than I expected it to be I
scarier than I expected it to be I
scarier than I expected it to be I looked at this one square foot platform
looked at this one square foot platform
looked at this one square foot platform that they wanted me to stand on and
that they wanted me to stand on and
that they wanted me to stand on and doing my best to seem cool and confident
doing my best to seem cool and confident
doing my best to seem cool and confident I climbed up I took a deep breath and I
I climbed up I took a deep breath and I
I climbed up I took a deep breath and I jumped off there’s a few seconds before
jumped off there’s a few seconds before
jumped off there’s a few seconds before you feel that harness catch your weight
you feel that harness catch your weight
you feel that harness catch your weight but when it does you realize that you’re
but when it does you realize that you’re
but when it does you realize that you’re safe and the next thing I knew I could
safe and the next thing I knew I could
safe and the next thing I knew I could hear the cheers and applause from all my
hear the cheers and applause from all my
hear the cheers and applause from all my new friends down below I’m never going
new friends down below I’m never going
new friends down below I’m never going to forget that experience and I’m never
to forget that experience and I’m never
to forget that experience and I’m never going to forget it because it was a lot
going to forget it because it was a lot
going to forget it because it was a lot like asking for help for addiction I
like asking for help for addiction I
like asking for help for addiction I didn’t want to do it at first I stood
didn’t want to do it at first I stood
didn’t want to do it at first I stood back watching trying to convince myself
back watching trying to convince myself
back watching trying to convince myself that I was right and everyone else was
that I was right and everyone else was
that I was right and everyone else was stupid and when I finally did ask for
stupid and when I finally did ask for
stupid and when I finally did ask for help it felt quite a bit like falling
help it felt quite a bit like falling
help it felt quite a bit like falling before I realized I was safe but before
before I realized I was safe but before
before I realized I was safe but before I knew it I was surrounded by people
I knew it I was surrounded by people
I knew it I was surrounded by people that were cheering me on in fact I found
that were cheering me on in fact I found
that were cheering me on in fact I found out about a whole community of people
out about a whole community of people
out about a whole community of people with past like mine that had changed
with past like mine that had changed
with past like mine that had changed their lives people in recovery addiction
their lives people in recovery addiction
their lives people in recovery addiction touches every family in this country and
touches every family in this country and
touches every family in this country and it doesn’t discriminate based on age
it doesn’t discriminate based on age
it doesn’t discriminate based on age race sexual orientation income level or
race sexual orientation income level or
race sexual orientation income level or education in fact there are 23 million
education in fact there are 23 million
education in fact there are 23 million people in this country that live in some
people in this country that live in some
people in this country that live in some form of recovery and in addition to that
form of recovery and in addition to that
form of recovery and in addition to that there are another 25 million people
there are another 25 million people
there are another 25 million people living with an untreated drug or alcohol
living with an untreated drug or alcohol
living with an untreated drug or alcohol addiction right now that need help
addiction right now that need help
addiction right now that need help that’s nearly 50 million people 50
that’s nearly 50 million people 50
that’s nearly 50 million people 50 million people is equivalent to adding
million people is equivalent to adding
million people is equivalent to adding together the populations of every single
together the populations of every single
together the populations of every single person in the states that are listed on
person in the states that are listed on
person in the states that are listed on this map above in red 50 million people
this map above in red 50 million people
this map above in red 50 million people living in addiction in recovery and
living in addiction in recovery and
living in addiction in recovery and don’t even know so six years ago I was
don’t even know so six years ago I was
don’t even know so six years ago I was starting my first college classes I was
starting my first college classes I was
starting my first college classes I was barely twenty-one and I hadn’t had a sip
barely twenty-one and I hadn’t had a sip
barely twenty-one and I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol or a drug in almost two years
of alcohol or a drug in almost two years
of alcohol or a drug in almost two years I’d sit in class and I would listen as
I’d sit in class and I would listen as
I’d sit in class and I would listen as the other students would plan for the
the other students would plan for the
the other students would plan for the party they’d be going to later that day
party they’d be going to later that day
party they’d be going to later that day I pray that they wouldn’t invite me not
I pray that they wouldn’t invite me not
I pray that they wouldn’t invite me not because I didn’t want to go but because
because I didn’t want to go but because
because I didn’t want to go but because I didn’t want to make up an excuse about
I didn’t want to make up an excuse about
I didn’t want to make up an excuse about why I couldn’t drink with them being in
why I couldn’t drink with them being in
why I couldn’t drink with them being in Sobers and college is totally weird
Sobers and college is totally weird
Sobers and college is totally weird isn’t it I mean here I was making by
isn’t it I mean here I was making by
isn’t it I mean here I was making by what all accounts was this really
what all accounts was this really
what all accounts was this really positive change in my life and I
positive change in my life and I
positive change in my life and I couldn’t talk about it for fear of being
couldn’t talk about it for fear of being
couldn’t talk about it for fear of being rejected I figured that there was no way
rejected I figured that there was no way
rejected I figured that there was no way that you could go to college sober and
that you could go to college sober and
that you could go to college sober and still have fun fortunately I was wrong
still have fun fortunately I was wrong
still have fun fortunately I was wrong about that all across the country
about that all across the country
about that all across the country universities have begun to realize and
universities have begun to realize and
universities have begun to realize and acknowledge their students in recovery
acknowledge their students in recovery
acknowledge their students in recovery collegiate recovery programs are on
collegiate recovery programs are on
collegiate recovery programs are on campus University sanctioned groups that
campus University sanctioned groups that
campus University sanctioned groups that bring together students in recovery they
bring together students in recovery they
bring together students in recovery they have things like anonymous hangout
have things like anonymous hangout
have things like anonymous hangout spaces on and off-campus activities
spaces on and off-campus activities
spaces on and off-campus activities support meetings and service projects
support meetings and service projects
support meetings and service projects for students I’m proud to say that
for students I’m proud to say that
for students I’m proud to say that Vanderbilt is home to an amazing
Vanderbilt is home to an amazing
Vanderbilt is home to an amazing collegiate recovery program as well but
collegiate recovery program as well but
collegiate recovery program as well but most importantly collegiate recovery
most importantly collegiate recovery
most importantly collegiate recovery programs provide students in recovery a
programs provide students in recovery a
programs provide students in recovery a sense of belonging so I know for a fact
sense of belonging so I know for a fact
sense of belonging so I know for a fact that the only reason that I was admitted
that the only reason that I was admitted
that the only reason that I was admitted to college was through a collegiate
to college was through a collegiate
to college was through a collegiate recovery program after all
recovery program after all
recovery program after all I’m a high school dropout but guess what
I’m a high school dropout but guess what
I’m a high school dropout but guess what happens when you give somebody a second
happens when you give somebody a second
happens when you give somebody a second chance that they never thought that they
chance that they never thought that they
chance that they never thought that they were going to have they thrive so I
were going to have they thrive so I
were going to have they thrive so I completed my undergraduate education at
completed my undergraduate education at
completed my undergraduate education at a different institution in only three
a different institution in only three
a different institution in only three years as valedictorian of my class and
years as valedictorian of my class and
years as valedictorian of my class and during that time I applied to Vanderbilt
during that time I applied to Vanderbilt
during that time I applied to Vanderbilt as a transfer student but didn’t get in
as a transfer student but didn’t get in
as a transfer student but didn’t get in so I’d come to campus and I’d sit on a
so I’d come to campus and I’d sit on a
so I’d come to campus and I’d sit on a bench right outside of this building
bench right outside of this building
bench right outside of this building watching as the other students walked by
watching as the other students walked by
watching as the other students walked by and envisioning myself being one of them
and envisioning myself being one of them
and envisioning myself being one of them a collegiate recovery community made all
a collegiate recovery community made all
a collegiate recovery community made all the difference in the world
the difference in the world
the difference in the world it’s generally known that only about 40%
it’s generally known that only about 40%
it’s generally known that only about 40% of people that are completing drug
of people that are completing drug
of people that are completing drug treatment programs are going to stay
treatment programs are going to stay
treatment programs are going to stay sober after the first year however
sober after the first year however
sober after the first year however emerging research has
emerging research has
emerging research has even that 92% of students that are
even that 92% of students that are
even that 92% of students that are active in a collegiate recovery program
active in a collegiate recovery program
active in a collegiate recovery program are staying sober
are staying sober
are staying sober 92% compared to only 40% completing drug
92% compared to only 40% completing drug
92% compared to only 40% completing drug treatment without such a community so if
treatment without such a community so if
treatment without such a community so if we have a cost effective and successful
we have a cost effective and successful
we have a cost effective and successful framework that supports students in
framework that supports students in
framework that supports students in recovery why have we not heard of these
recovery why have we not heard of these
recovery why have we not heard of these programs and why aren’t they everywhere
programs and why aren’t they everywhere
programs and why aren’t they everywhere I believe the answer to that is stigma
I believe the answer to that is stigma
I believe the answer to that is stigma stigma is keeping us from talking openly
stigma is keeping us from talking openly
stigma is keeping us from talking openly about these issues and it’s keeping us
about these issues and it’s keeping us
about these issues and it’s keeping us from connecting with people all around
from connecting with people all around
from connecting with people all around us that need our help and it’s time to
us that need our help and it’s time to
us that need our help and it’s time to change that I told you guys that
change that I told you guys that
change that I told you guys that collegiate recovery program made all the
collegiate recovery program made all the
collegiate recovery program made all the difference in the world
difference in the world
difference in the world when I was sitting out on that bench
when I was sitting out on that bench
when I was sitting out on that bench watching the students walk by I wasn’t
watching the students walk by I wasn’t
watching the students walk by I wasn’t sure that I could ever get into an
sure that I could ever get into an
sure that I could ever get into an institution like this but because of the
institution like this but because of the
institution like this but because of the community that was around me it ended up
community that was around me it ended up
community that was around me it ended up happening I’m proud to say that I
happening I’m proud to say that I
happening I’m proud to say that I completed my master’s degree here at
completed my master’s degree here at
completed my master’s degree here at Vanderbilt last May
Vanderbilt last May
Vanderbilt last May I haven’t taken a drink or a drug in
I haven’t taken a drink or a drug in
I haven’t taken a drink or a drug in nearly eight years so now I asked you if
nearly eight years so now I asked you if
nearly eight years so now I asked you if you had a friend that was struggling
you had a friend that was struggling
you had a friend that was struggling with an addiction would you reach out to
with an addiction would you reach out to
with an addiction would you reach out to them or would you avoid it to not have
them or would you avoid it to not have
them or would you avoid it to not have to have such an awkward conversation and
to have such an awkward conversation and
to have such an awkward conversation and if that friend chose to be in recovery
if that friend chose to be in recovery
if that friend chose to be in recovery would you still support them would they
would you still support them would they
would you still support them would they still fit in in your friend group or
still fit in in your friend group or
still fit in in your friend group or would they become socially isolated
would they become socially isolated
would they become socially isolated because they no longer drink was trying
because they no longer drink was trying
because they no longer drink was trying to do something positive with their life
to do something positive with their life
to do something positive with their life when I was in my addiction I had
when I was in my addiction I had
when I was in my addiction I had convinced myself that I was completely
convinced myself that I was completely
convinced myself that I was completely alone however you are not alone in
alone however you are not alone in
alone however you are not alone in addiction or recovery and if I could ask
addiction or recovery and if I could ask
addiction or recovery and if I could ask everybody in the audience at this point
everybody in the audience at this point
everybody in the audience at this point if you’re willing if you’re comfortable
if you’re willing if you’re comfortable
if you’re willing if you’re comfortable if you consider yourself to be a person
if you consider yourself to be a person
if you consider yourself to be a person in recovery would you please raise your
in recovery would you please raise your
in recovery would you please raise your hand
thank you very much we’re cup recovery
thank you very much we’re cup recovery is everywhere and thank goodness for
is everywhere and thank goodness for
is everywhere and thank goodness for that addiction isolates us but recovery
that addiction isolates us but recovery
that addiction isolates us but recovery brings us together when I went to
brings us together when I went to
brings us together when I went to treatment I found out that recovery was
treatment I found out that recovery was
treatment I found out that recovery was possible but when I went to college in
possible but when I went to college in
possible but when I went to college in recovery I found out that anything is
recovery I found out that anything is
recovery I found out that anything is possible
possible
possible Thanks
Thanks
Thanks [Applause]
”
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