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you could see me you would know that I
you could see me you would know that I live with anxiety and depression
live with anxiety and depression
live with anxiety and depression mostly anxiety all the anxiety all the
mostly anxiety all the anxiety all the
mostly anxiety all the anxiety all the time I like to say that I live life in
time I like to say that I live life in
time I like to say that I live life in caps luck just like this all the time
caps luck just like this all the time
caps luck just like this all the time you can’t tell because they would lock
you can’t tell because they would lock
you can’t tell because they would lock me up if I walked around like that so
me up if I walked around like that so
me up if I walked around like that so this is what I look like
this is what I look like
this is what I look like you’ve never seen a person get so
you’ve never seen a person get so
you’ve never seen a person get so overwhelmed by the task of simply trying
overwhelmed by the task of simply trying
overwhelmed by the task of simply trying to organize a pile of papers because
to organize a pile of papers because
to organize a pile of papers because there are so many options of how this
there are so many options of how this
there are so many options of how this pile of papers could be filed away so
pile of papers could be filed away so
pile of papers could be filed away so the pile remains and I just go over here
the pile remains and I just go over here
the pile remains and I just go over here and ignore it
living with anxiety is like the world is
living with anxiety is like the world is constantly telling you that you’re not
constantly telling you that you’re not
constantly telling you that you’re not enough that you don’t know where to find
enough that you don’t know where to find
enough that you don’t know where to find your place that you shake no matter what
your place that you shake no matter what
your place that you shake no matter what you’re doing you’re shaking and I have
you’re doing you’re shaking and I have
you’re doing you’re shaking and I have had to learn how to find my way in the
had to learn how to find my way in the
had to learn how to find my way in the world in the midst of the reality that
world in the midst of the reality that
world in the midst of the reality that exists inside of my body I show up every
exists inside of my body I show up every
exists inside of my body I show up every day with all the tools that I have at my
day with all the tools that I have at my
day with all the tools that I have at my disposal and I give my all and sometimes
disposal and I give my all and sometimes
disposal and I give my all and sometimes it’s enough and other times it’s not
when I was a child I was afraid of
when I was a child I was afraid of everything
everything
everything I didn’t sleep between the ages of 7 and
I didn’t sleep between the ages of 7 and
I didn’t sleep between the ages of 7 and 18 I was afraid that I was going to be
18 I was afraid that I was going to be
18 I was afraid that I was going to be kidnapped in the middle of the night I
kidnapped in the middle of the night I
kidnapped in the middle of the night I was afraid that I would be taken away I
was afraid that I would be taken away I
was afraid that I would be taken away I was afraid that demons would possess me
was afraid that demons would possess me
was afraid that demons would possess me in the middle of the night I would
in the middle of the night I would
in the middle of the night I would afraid I was afraid that my dolls would
afraid I was afraid that my dolls would
afraid I was afraid that my dolls would come to life the only people who made me
come to life the only people who made me
come to life the only people who made me feel safe the most safe in the world
feel safe the most safe in the world
feel safe the most safe in the world were my grandparents my bubby and data
they knew how to tell a story they
they knew how to tell a story they taught me the love of stories they
taught me the love of stories they
taught me the love of stories they taught me to laugh in the midst of
taught me to laugh in the midst of
taught me to laugh in the midst of life’s most challenging circumstances
life’s most challenging circumstances
life’s most challenging circumstances when I was 13 years old
when I was 13 years old
when I was 13 years old my bubby told me that when my Zaida
my bubby told me that when my Zaida
my bubby told me that when my Zaida was about the same age as I was then he
was about the same age as I was then he
was about the same age as I was then he began to feel there was something off
began to feel there was something off
began to feel there was something off with his mental health only it was the
with his mental health only it was the
with his mental health only it was the late 1930s
and they didn’t know what mental health
and they didn’t know what mental health was back then but he was a kid
was back then but he was a kid
was back then but he was a kid so he went to his mother because that’s
so he went to his mother because that’s
so he went to his mother because that’s what we do we go to our parents or the
what we do we go to our parents or the
what we do we go to our parents or the adults that we trust in our lives in
adults that we trust in our lives in
adults that we trust in our lives in hopes that they will guide and support
hopes that they will guide and support
hopes that they will guide and support and nurture us in our uncertainty but my
and nurture us in our uncertainty but my
and nurture us in our uncertainty but my great-grandmother was a Ukrainian Jewish
great-grandmother was a Ukrainian Jewish
great-grandmother was a Ukrainian Jewish immigrants expelled from her country by
immigrants expelled from her country by
immigrants expelled from her country by virtue of existing on the world as a
virtue of existing on the world as a
virtue of existing on the world as a Jewish person so she was fearful she was
Jewish person so she was fearful she was
Jewish person so she was fearful she was sick herself so she told him to keep his
sick herself so she told him to keep his
sick herself so she told him to keep his mouth shut
mouth shut
mouth shut they’ll put you away she said he
they’ll put you away she said he
they’ll put you away she said he believed her he got the message that the
believed her he got the message that the
believed her he got the message that the person he was the person he really was
person he was the person he really was
person he was the person he really was wasn’t good enough wasn’t worthy of help
wasn’t good enough wasn’t worthy of help
wasn’t good enough wasn’t worthy of help wasn’t worthy of the love and the care
wasn’t worthy of the love and the care
wasn’t worthy of the love and the care that he needed and I know that she did
that he needed and I know that she did
that he needed and I know that she did that out of here and out of love but she
that out of here and out of love but she
that out of here and out of love but she sent him a message and it would be 15
sent him a message and it would be 15
sent him a message and it would be 15 years before he received a schizophrenia
years before he received a schizophrenia
years before he received a schizophrenia diagnosis but he carried with him for
diagnosis but he carried with him for
diagnosis but he carried with him for the rest of his life his ultimate
the rest of his life his ultimate
the rest of his life his ultimate Saviour protector partner and defender
Saviour protector partner and defender
Saviour protector partner and defender was my bubby
was my bubby
was my bubby shortly after they were married his
shortly after they were married his
shortly after they were married his symptoms could no longer be avoided but
symptoms could no longer be avoided but
symptoms could no longer be avoided but when he got the diagnosis her family and
when he got the diagnosis her family and
when he got the diagnosis her family and his encouraged her to institutionalize
his encouraged her to institutionalize
his encouraged her to institutionalize put him away it was 1952 and that’s what
put him away it was 1952 and that’s what
put him away it was 1952 and that’s what you did in 1952 you hoped no one found
you did in 1952 you hoped no one found
you did in 1952 you hoped no one found out that you had one of those people in
out that you had one of those people in
out that you had one of those people in your family for us the diagnosis was
your family for us the diagnosis was
your family for us the diagnosis was never a secret we knew who our Zeta was
never a secret we knew who our Zeta was
never a secret we knew who our Zeta was but sometimes he was erratic sometimes
but sometimes he was erratic sometimes
but sometimes he was erratic sometimes he was weird but he was also loving and
he was weird but he was also loving and
he was weird but he was also loving and kind and funny and warm and he was ours
kind and funny and warm and he was ours
kind and funny and warm and he was ours so his life had meaning they would have
so his life had meaning they would have
so his life had meaning they would have had him
had him
had him believe that beyond the schizophrenia
believe that beyond the schizophrenia
believe that beyond the schizophrenia diagnosis there was no one but I know
diagnosis there was no one but I know
diagnosis there was no one but I know that they still felt the need to hide I
that they still felt the need to hide I
that they still felt the need to hide I know that now because you see when you
know that now because you see when you
know that now because you see when you grow up in the midst of amazing people
grow up in the midst of amazing people
grow up in the midst of amazing people you don’t know that you’re growing up in
you don’t know that you’re growing up in
you don’t know that you’re growing up in the midst of amazing people they’re just
the midst of amazing people they’re just
the midst of amazing people they’re just four people I was almost 30 years old
four people I was almost 30 years old
four people I was almost 30 years old before I realized the weight of what
before I realized the weight of what
before I realized the weight of what they carry when I was almost 30 years
they carry when I was almost 30 years
they carry when I was almost 30 years old I started working in the mental
old I started working in the mental
old I started working in the mental health and disability support services
health and disability support services
health and disability support services field and I started listening to people
field and I started listening to people
field and I started listening to people to self-advocates family advocate stand
to self-advocates family advocate stand
to self-advocates family advocate stand up and tell their stories over and over
up and tell their stories over and over
up and tell their stories over and over and over again and it made me realize
and over again and it made me realize
and over again and it made me realize how much my grandparents my family had
how much my grandparents my family had
how much my grandparents my family had been forced to hide and I made it my
been forced to hide and I made it my
been forced to hide and I made it my mission without even really realizing it
mission without even really realizing it
mission without even really realizing it that no 13 year old child if I had
that no 13 year old child if I had
that no 13 year old child if I had anything to do with it no child would
anything to do with it no child would
anything to do with it no child would ever have to hide again through the
ever have to hide again through the
ever have to hide again through the process of learning how to be a
process of learning how to be a
process of learning how to be a self-advocate I came in contact with so
self-advocate I came in contact with so
self-advocate I came in contact with so many others who I asked to share their
many others who I asked to share their
many others who I asked to share their photographs with me because they brought
photographs with me because they brought
photographs with me because they brought me here and they are on this stage with
me here and they are on this stage with
me here and they are on this stage with me tonight
me tonight
me tonight they are incredibly great beautiful
they are incredibly great beautiful
they are incredibly great beautiful people who stand up every day and
people who stand up every day and
people who stand up every day and advocate for the rights of the people
advocate for the rights of the people
advocate for the rights of the people that they love and after hearing it and
that they love and after hearing it and
that they love and after hearing it and seeing it for so long I decided that it
seeing it for so long I decided that it
seeing it for so long I decided that it was time for me to get brave and it was
was time for me to get brave and it was
was time for me to get brave and it was time for me to start telling my story
time for me to start telling my story
time for me to start telling my story I’ve always been a performer a singer a
I’ve always been a performer a singer a
I’ve always been a performer a singer a writer an actor and so I showed up with
writer an actor and so I showed up with
writer an actor and so I showed up with the skills that I had at my disposal and
the skills that I had at my disposal and
the skills that I had at my disposal and I wrote this little show called it runs
I wrote this little show called it runs
I wrote this little show called it runs in the family I wrote and I spoke and I
in the family I wrote and I spoke and I
in the family I wrote and I spoke and I sang and I told and eventually I started
sang and I told and eventually I started
sang and I told and eventually I started inviting other people to come up and the
inviting other people to come up and the
inviting other people to come up and the responses that I got were so
responses that I got were so
responses that I got were so unbelievably amazing and surprising that
unbelievably amazing and surprising that
unbelievably amazing and surprising that I couldn’t stop I became addicted to the
I couldn’t stop I became addicted to the
I couldn’t stop I became addicted to the process of doing that because I thought
process of doing that because I thought
process of doing that because I thought everybody knew how freeing how powerful
everybody knew how freeing how powerful
everybody knew how freeing how powerful it makes you feel when you stand up and
it makes you feel when you stand up and
it makes you feel when you stand up and you share the lived experience of your
you share the lived experience of your
you share the lived experience of your life with the world but they don’t know
life with the world but they don’t know
life with the world but they don’t know and so I’m working with all of these
and so I’m working with all of these
and so I’m working with all of these amazing people to to tell the world to
amazing people to to tell the world to
amazing people to to tell the world to say it’s okay
say it’s okay
say it’s okay we are all broken in some form or
we are all broken in some form or
we are all broken in some form or fashion
and it’s okay so I wrote the show and I
and it’s okay so I wrote the show and I wrote a book and last year I started
wrote a book and last year I started
wrote a book and last year I started this new project with a group of
this new project with a group of
this new project with a group of unbelievably amazing brave beautiful
unbelievably amazing brave beautiful
unbelievably amazing brave beautiful people this is one of the pictures it’s
people this is one of the pictures it’s
people this is one of the pictures it’s called if you could see me and it came
called if you could see me and it came
called if you could see me and it came out of the blue and in a bount of
out of the blue and in a bount of
out of the blue and in a bount of synesthesia in the shower because that’s
synesthesia in the shower because that’s
synesthesia in the shower because that’s where all the best ideas are born right
where all the best ideas are born right
where all the best ideas are born right so I saw hashtag if you can see me in
so I saw hashtag if you can see me in
so I saw hashtag if you can see me in front of my eyes as clear as day and I
front of my eyes as clear as day and I
front of my eyes as clear as day and I knew that this was the next project this
knew that this was the next project this
knew that this was the next project this was the thing that we were going to do
was the thing that we were going to do
was the thing that we were going to do and it wasn’t going to be mine is going
and it wasn’t going to be mine is going
and it wasn’t going to be mine is going to be ours and I called my amazing
to be ours and I called my amazing
to be ours and I called my amazing friend photographer in Richmond Virginia
friend photographer in Richmond Virginia
friend photographer in Richmond Virginia where I live Dean Witt back and I said
where I live Dean Witt back and I said
where I live Dean Witt back and I said this is the project that we’re gonna do
this is the project that we’re gonna do
this is the project that we’re gonna do we’re gonna take our pictures with your
we’re gonna take our pictures with your
we’re gonna take our pictures with your beautiful eye and you’re gonna tell our
beautiful eye and you’re gonna tell our
beautiful eye and you’re gonna tell our stories in that way and we are going to
stories in that way and we are going to
stories in that way and we are going to stand up in front of a roomful of
stand up in front of a roomful of
stand up in front of a roomful of strangers and family and friends and
strangers and family and friends and
strangers and family and friends and whoever else will listen and we’re going
whoever else will listen and we’re going
whoever else will listen and we’re going to tell our stories in our own way we’re
to tell our stories in our own way we’re
to tell our stories in our own way we’re going to share our experiences as adults
going to share our experiences as adults
going to share our experiences as adults living with a mental health diagnosis
living with a mental health diagnosis
living with a mental health diagnosis but the thing is is that this doesn’t
but the thing is is that this doesn’t
but the thing is is that this doesn’t have to be limited to mental health or
have to be limited to mental health or
have to be limited to mental health or to disability services this is all of us
to disability services this is all of us
to disability services this is all of us standing up in front of the world and
standing up in front of the world and
standing up in front of the world and saying I’m ok exactly the way that I am
the facts are really hard and scary
the facts are really hard and scary thing to do it’s hard to admit our flaws
thing to do it’s hard to admit our flaws
thing to do it’s hard to admit our flaws because we live in a world that wants us
because we live in a world that wants us
because we live in a world that wants us to be perfect all the time so I have
to be perfect all the time so I have
to be perfect all the time so I have come here with a challenge for you this
come here with a challenge for you this
come here with a challenge for you this evening
evening
evening that I would like for you to consider I
that I would like for you to consider I
that I would like for you to consider I want you to start out by thinking about
want you to start out by thinking about
want you to start out by thinking about a moment when you were sad when you were
a moment when you were sad when you were
a moment when you were sad when you were disappointed when you were afraid when
disappointed when you were afraid when
disappointed when you were afraid when you were angry when you let yourself
you were angry when you let yourself
you were angry when you let yourself down we let another person down I want
down we let another person down I want
down we let another person down I want you to think about that time and I want
you to think about that time and I want
you to think about that time and I want you to leave tonight
you to leave tonight
you to leave tonight and I want you to go home and I want you
and I want you to go home and I want you
and I want you to go home and I want you to write the story of that incident but
to write the story of that incident but
to write the story of that incident but before you do that I want you to
before you do that I want you to
before you do that I want you to internalize I ask you to internalize the
internalize I ask you to internalize the
internalize I ask you to internalize the following one humor is healing when we
following one humor is healing when we
following one humor is healing when we can find something to laugh at in our
can find something to laugh at in our
can find something to laugh at in our most challenging most painful situations
most challenging most painful situations
most challenging most painful situations we take control over it no longer has
we take control over it no longer has
we take control over it no longer has power over us – this is the secret not
power over us – this is the secret not
power over us – this is the secret not one person on the entire earth was born
one person on the entire earth was born
one person on the entire earth was born with an instruction name nobody knows
with an instruction name nobody knows
with an instruction name nobody knows what the hell they’re doing
and as a results number three you’re not
and as a results number three you’re not alone
number four you are allowed to like
number four you are allowed to like yourself even though you’re not perfect
yourself even though you’re not perfect
yourself even though you’re not perfect that seems like a really simple thing
that seems like a really simple thing
that seems like a really simple thing that is really hard for us to
that is really hard for us to
that is really hard for us to internalize number five I think
imperfect beauty of imperfection right
imperfect beauty of imperfection right number five is you are allowed to be
number five is you are allowed to be
number five is you are allowed to be proud of yourself
proud of yourself
proud of yourself even though you’ve made mistakes a
even though you’ve made mistakes a
even though you’ve made mistakes a number six probably most importantly
number six probably most importantly
number six probably most importantly your story can change the world no
your story can change the world no
your story can change the world no matter how boring how mundane how
matter how boring how mundane how
matter how boring how mundane how uneventful you think your life is if you
uneventful you think your life is if you
uneventful you think your life is if you are able to share your story with the
are able to share your story with the
are able to share your story with the world and you are able to change one
world and you are able to change one
world and you are able to change one person’s perspective one person’s idea
person’s perspective one person’s idea
person’s perspective one person’s idea about who they are and what they’re
about who they are and what they’re
about who they are and what they’re capable of then you have changed the
capable of then you have changed the
capable of then you have changed the world
world
world if a butter if a butterfly’s wings
if a butter if a butterfly’s wings
if a butter if a butterfly’s wings flapping can cause a typhoon then we can
flapping can cause a typhoon then we can
flapping can cause a typhoon then we can change the world with our stories when
change the world with our stories when
change the world with our stories when we learn compassion when we stand next
we learn compassion when we stand next
we learn compassion when we stand next to one another and share the truth of
to one another and share the truth of
to one another and share the truth of what it’s like to live on the planet
that’s all there is that’s all there is
that’s all there is that’s all there is so I ask you to think about your story I
so I ask you to think about your story I
so I ask you to think about your story I ask you to share it it’s yours that’s
ask you to share it it’s yours that’s
ask you to share it it’s yours that’s the great thing it’s your story and you
the great thing it’s your story and you
the great thing it’s your story and you get to share it however you want you get
get to share it however you want you get
get to share it however you want you get to say it in whatever fashion or form
to say it in whatever fashion or form
to say it in whatever fashion or form you are inspired to do it
you are inspired to do it
you are inspired to do it it’s yours all I ask is that you you
it’s yours all I ask is that you you
it’s yours all I ask is that you you love your story you hold your story in
love your story you hold your story in
love your story you hold your story in your heart and then go out and share it
your heart and then go out and share it
your heart and then go out and share it with the world
you
you [Music]
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