how many of you growing up had an imaginary friend just signify by raising
imaginary friend just signify by raising
imaginary friend just signify by raising your hand okay great
your hand okay great
your hand okay great so keep your hands up if your imaginary
so keep your hands up if your imaginary
so keep your hands up if your imaginary friend committed suicide just me huh
friend committed suicide just me huh
friend committed suicide just me huh well let me tell you about my imaginary
well let me tell you about my imaginary
well let me tell you about my imaginary friend Charlie Charlie was very
friend Charlie Charlie was very
friend Charlie Charlie was very significant in my childhood he and I did
significant in my childhood he and I did
significant in my childhood he and I did everything together
everything together
everything together and he was absolutely adorable you know
and he was absolutely adorable you know
and he was absolutely adorable you know let me just show you a picture of
let me just show you a picture of
let me just show you a picture of Charlie and me at Christmastime boy did
Charlie and me at Christmastime boy did
Charlie and me at Christmastime boy did I tell you he was adorable look at him
I tell you he was adorable look at him
I tell you he was adorable look at him look at his hair it’s perfect but he
look at his hair it’s perfect but he
look at his hair it’s perfect but he wasn’t just a cute kid Charlie also was
wasn’t just a cute kid Charlie also was
wasn’t just a cute kid Charlie also was a really good student he was an avid
a really good student he was an avid
a really good student he was an avid reader we have a picture of Charlie at
reader we have a picture of Charlie at
reader we have a picture of Charlie at school well I’m able to laugh today
school well I’m able to laugh today
school well I’m able to laugh today at my thought process as a child the
at my thought process as a child the
at my thought process as a child the manner which I constructed for Charlie
manner which I constructed for Charlie
manner which I constructed for Charlie to leave me is a clear reflection of how
to leave me is a clear reflection of how
to leave me is a clear reflection of how much shame had eroded my young life
much shame had eroded my young life
much shame had eroded my young life within three years of Charlie leaving me
within three years of Charlie leaving me
within three years of Charlie leaving me I became a daily drinker at the age of
I became a daily drinker at the age of
I became a daily drinker at the age of eleven I experienced my first drunk and
eleven I experienced my first drunk and
eleven I experienced my first drunk and my first blackout and I absolutely fell
my first blackout and I absolutely fell
my first blackout and I absolutely fell in love with alcohol just four years
in love with alcohol just four years
in love with alcohol just four years later at the age of 15 while intoxicated
later at the age of 15 while intoxicated
later at the age of 15 while intoxicated I fell off a two-story building the
I fell off a two-story building the
I fell off a two-story building the doctors told my father that probably
doctors told my father that probably
doctors told my father that probably would not live and if I did I would be
would not live and if I did I would be
would not live and if I did I would be paralyzed I eventually walked out of
paralyzed I eventually walked out of
paralyzed I eventually walked out of that hospital and within days I had a
that hospital and within days I had a
that hospital and within days I had a drink in my hand at the age of 22 while
drink in my hand at the age of 22 while
drink in my hand at the age of 22 while incredibly and liberated I physically
incredibly and liberated I physically
incredibly and liberated I physically beat my best friend so badly that she
beat my best friend so badly that she
beat my best friend so badly that she required
required
required my life was riddled with shame and then
my life was riddled with shame and then
my life was riddled with shame and then on April 8 1995 I came to in a hospital
on April 8 1995 I came to in a hospital
on April 8 1995 I came to in a hospital bed someone I placed me in a medical
bed someone I placed me in a medical
bed someone I placed me in a medical detox unit and on that day my battled
detox unit and on that day my battled
detox unit and on that day my battled alcoholism ended in my journey to
alcoholism ended in my journey to
alcoholism ended in my journey to understand Shane began currently I’ve
understand Shane began currently I’ve
understand Shane began currently I’ve been sober for 22 years
and every day I see the devastation of
and every day I see the devastation of shame but I get to teach the advantage
shame but I get to teach the advantage
shame but I get to teach the advantage of faith in it and I believe that we can
of faith in it and I believe that we can
of faith in it and I believe that we can eradicate shame one lie one life at a
eradicate shame one lie one life at a
eradicate shame one lie one life at a time
time
time what is shame how did something
what is shame how did something
what is shame how did something invisible become so destructively
invisible become so destructively
invisible become so destructively evident in my life
evident in my life
evident in my life shame is a belief that I’m not good
shame is a belief that I’m not good
shame is a belief that I’m not good enough it is an idea that I am who
enough it is an idea that I am who
enough it is an idea that I am who others say I am and I forfeit the right
others say I am and I forfeit the right
others say I am and I forfeit the right to decide myself shame is a gift is a
to decide myself shame is a gift is a
to decide myself shame is a gift is a host of lies in its graffiti Jane is a
host of lies in its graffiti Jane is a
host of lies in its graffiti Jane is a gift now it’s not the christmas hanukkah
gift now it’s not the christmas hanukkah
gift now it’s not the christmas hanukkah kind of gift it’s more of the STD type
kind of gift it’s more of the STD type
kind of gift it’s more of the STD type right
right
right you cannot manufacture it alone
you cannot manufacture it alone
you cannot manufacture it alone someone else has to give it to you
someone else have to bring you into a
someone else have to bring you into a relationship with Shane a child cannot
relationship with Shane a child cannot
relationship with Shane a child cannot believe or think that she is stupid
believe or think that she is stupid
believe or think that she is stupid unless someone tells her that she is
unless someone tells her that she is
unless someone tells her that she is Shane comes from the outside social
Shane comes from the outside social
Shane comes from the outside social media TV parents teachers complete
media TV parents teachers complete
media TV parents teachers complete strangers and that buries itself inside
strangers and that buries itself inside
strangers and that buries itself inside of us and it changes how we view
of us and it changes how we view
of us and it changes how we view ourselves in the world
ourselves in the world
ourselves in the world Renee Brown states shame corrodes the
Renee Brown states shame corrodes the
Renee Brown states shame corrodes the very part of us that believes are
very part of us that believes are
very part of us that believes are capable of change what that means is if
capable of change what that means is if
capable of change what that means is if you comment on my weight I’m not gonna
you comment on my weight I’m not gonna
you comment on my weight I’m not gonna go home and adopt a healthy lifestyle
go home and adopt a healthy lifestyle
go home and adopt a healthy lifestyle I’m gonna go home in a box of Oreos
I’m gonna go home in a box of Oreos
I’m gonna go home in a box of Oreos double stuff at that Shane is a host of
double stuff at that Shane is a host of
double stuff at that Shane is a host of lies
lies
lies after spending some time with me AAA
after spending some time with me AAA
after spending some time with me AAA sponsor she told me that my mind was a
sponsor she told me that my mind was a
sponsor she told me that my mind was a bad neighborhood she said don’t go up
bad neighborhood she said don’t go up
bad neighborhood she said don’t go up there alone it’s just too dangerous
now you’ve heard a little bit about my
now you’ve heard a little bit about my childhood remember Charlie so you may
childhood remember Charlie so you may
childhood remember Charlie so you may tend to agree with her and I do as well
tend to agree with her and I do as well
tend to agree with her and I do as well my mind is a bad neighborhood but only
my mind is a bad neighborhood but only
my mind is a bad neighborhood but only when I believe the lies of shame when I
when I believe the lies of shame when I
when I believe the lies of shame when I live a lie as if it is true that I’m
live a lie as if it is true that I’m
live a lie as if it is true that I’m distracted my purpose instead consumed
distracted my purpose instead consumed
distracted my purpose instead consumed by behavior drug addiction
by behavior drug addiction
by behavior drug addiction bulimia people-pleasing just to name a
bulimia people-pleasing just to name a
bulimia people-pleasing just to name a few
few
few truth can hurt but it doesn’t create
truth can hurt but it doesn’t create
truth can hurt but it doesn’t create bondage that’s changed job my job it’s a
bondage that’s changed job my job it’s a
bondage that’s changed job my job it’s a bit shame out of work with shame
bit shame out of work with shame
bit shame out of work with shame unemployed the neighborhood can become a
unemployed the neighborhood can become a
unemployed the neighborhood can become a quieter safer place and purpose can take
quieter safer place and purpose can take
quieter safer place and purpose can take up residency shame is the graffiti it
up residency shame is the graffiti it
up residency shame is the graffiti it covers our purpose when I look at this
covers our purpose when I look at this
covers our purpose when I look at this picture my first reaction is pumps pumps
picture my first reaction is pumps pumps
picture my first reaction is pumps pumps that have too much time on their hands
that have too much time on their hands
that have too much time on their hands but if you took this exact piece and you
but if you took this exact piece and you
but if you took this exact piece and you placed it in a museum
placed it in a museum
placed it in a museum I would automatically think that it’s
I would automatically think that it’s
I would automatically think that it’s brilliant art that’s the power of shame
brilliant art that’s the power of shame
brilliant art that’s the power of shame it changes perception I had to quit
it changes perception I had to quit
it changes perception I had to quit allowing where I was in my life my
allowing where I was in my life my
allowing where I was in my life my location and what others wrote on me
location and what others wrote on me
location and what others wrote on me they value my purpose once I stopped
they value my purpose once I stopped
they value my purpose once I stopped being distracted by the graffiti the
being distracted by the graffiti the
being distracted by the graffiti the colors the images then I could look
colors the images then I could look
colors the images then I could look deeper and see the true meaning beneath
deeper and see the true meaning beneath
deeper and see the true meaning beneath graffiti is purpose the message within
graffiti is purpose the message within
graffiti is purpose the message within art just like shame is always purposeful
art just like shame is always purposeful
art just like shame is always purposeful the very thing that I was running from –
the very thing that I was running from –
the very thing that I was running from – the use of alcohol their graffiti
the use of alcohol their graffiti
the use of alcohol their graffiti written on me in the middle school
written on me in the middle school
written on me in the middle school hallways the experience that I put so
hallways the experience that I put so
hallways the experience that I put so much effort into covering up through
much effort into covering up through
much effort into covering up through behavior
behavior
behavior those very things when treated
those very things when treated
those very things when treated differently propelled me to a new
differently propelled me to a new
differently propelled me to a new platform for a beautiful and very
platform for a beautiful and very
platform for a beautiful and very relative illustration just look at the
relative illustration just look at the
relative illustration just look at the power of TED Talks every TED talk is
power of TED Talks every TED talk is
power of TED Talks every TED talk is someone who stole art where I only saw
someone who stole art where I only saw
someone who stole art where I only saw graffiti it is evidence of shamed being
graffiti it is evidence of shamed being
graffiti it is evidence of shamed being repurposed when I am able to take a
repurposed when I am able to take a
repurposed when I am able to take a shameful experience and use it as a
shameful experience and use it as a
shameful experience and use it as a stepping stone it’s not just me who gets
stepping stone it’s not just me who gets
stepping stone it’s not just me who gets a new view for a simple example work
a new view for a simple example work
a new view for a simple example work with teenagers there’s been times
with teenagers there’s been times
with teenagers there’s been times they’ve come into my office absolutely
they’ve come into my office absolutely
they’ve come into my office absolutely devastated because they just received
devastated because they just received
devastated because they just received the rs80 score the future that they had
the rs80 score the future that they had
the rs80 score the future that they had envisioned is now destroyed based on
envisioned is now destroyed based on
envisioned is now destroyed based on their thoughts about their score and
their thoughts about their score and
their thoughts about their score and I’ll say to them do you see all the
I’ll say to them do you see all the
I’ll say to them do you see all the degrees of my wall let me tell you my
degrees of my wall let me tell you my
degrees of my wall let me tell you my SAT score let’s just put it this way my
SAT score let’s just put it this way my
SAT score let’s just put it this way my SAT score is a really good credit score
it’s just not a good SAT score but
it’s just not a good SAT score but because I no longer have shame around
because I no longer have shame around
because I no longer have shame around that number I’m able to share honestly
that number I’m able to share honestly
that number I’m able to share honestly with them and their shame is replaced
with them and their shame is replaced
with them and their shame is replaced with empathy and compassion once I
with empathy and compassion once I
with empathy and compassion once I realized that shame isn’t mine it
realized that shame isn’t mine it
realized that shame isn’t mine it belongs to someone else
belongs to someone else
belongs to someone else and I refuse to partner with the lies
and I refuse to partner with the lies
and I refuse to partner with the lies then I can look at shame like graffiti
then I can look at shame like graffiti
then I can look at shame like graffiti that contain the message that led me to
that contain the message that led me to
that contain the message that led me to a renewed purpose shamed repurposed
a renewed purpose shamed repurposed
a renewed purpose shamed repurposed allows any of us to start a program run
allows any of us to start a program run
allows any of us to start a program run a 5k write a book or be that friend
a 5k write a book or be that friend
a 5k write a book or be that friend that’s a vessel of empathy and
that’s a vessel of empathy and
that’s a vessel of empathy and compassion shame can be the graffiti
compassion shame can be the graffiti
compassion shame can be the graffiti that covers our purpose but it can also
that covers our purpose but it can also
that covers our purpose but it can also be the message that influences change in
be the message that influences change in
be the message that influences change in this world a world that even Charlie can
this world a world that even Charlie can
this world a world that even Charlie can live in thank you
”
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