I literally “cause” on the street.
Remember those advertisements where the woman goes by
and all eyes turn to her?
So, this is me on the street since always.
And I soon realized that it was not because of my beautiful green eyes,
but because of my arm.
In fact, people, let me introduce my little brother to you.
No need to be afraid, he does not bite, he’s cute
and he has a great personality.
Me and the little brother, we were born together.
And I do not know if anyone here has twin brother,
but when you’re born with someone, it’s a crazy thing,
because a person has always stood out more,
and that person was my little brother.
He’s always got more attention than I did.
I wanted to be Mariana, but I was never Mariana.
I’ve always been Mariana’s little brother.
Because of this, we had a very complicated relationship.
It was just that I tried to hide it in every possible way.
So when I did it about 11 years ago, tired of getting so much look on the street,
I decided that I would hide it,
so every time I put on a long-sleeved outfit
nobody noticed that I did not have an arm.
I went around unnoticed, and I thought that was great.
It just was not so cool when it was 40 degrees outside and I was in my coat.
Realizing that I could not hide it all the time,
I decided to go the other way.
So I started to want a prosthesis.
I do not remember how old I was,
but many people, from a young age, asked my mother
when she was going to give me a prosthesis.
My mother always told me that it was only when it was fully developed
because otherwise I would be changing prosthetics all the time
because, I do not know if you know,
the prosthesis is made the right size of your arm, size of your hand, etc.
And then, when I turned 16, I told my mother:
“Mother, I am well developed, where is my prosthesis?”
And then she gave me the prosthesis.
When the prosthesis arrived,
Guys, I hated the prosthesis.
It looked like someone had taken the arm of a mannequin,
with a completely darker color than mine,
and given me as a gift, saying, “Take, this is your arm.”
And I did not want this, I wanted to have two arms.
I wanted to go unnoticed on the street.
That was the time I went to college.
So when I entered college,
in the first party,
I was there good, dancing relaxed with my new arm,
until he falls to the ground and makes an absurd noise.
And folks, I was so ashamed, so ashamed of this prosthesis,
that I began to realize that I was going to have to change something in myself,
because this prosthesis was not the solution to my problems.
I put the blame for my problems on my arm,
and the more I diminished it, the more I hid, the more I drowned,
plus my self-esteem was falling.
I could not disassociate myself from him.
He had been there since the first time I put a tie on his shoe.
Until my first kiss.
He was always with me.
Today I realize
that it is not only me who have suffered from aesthetic standards, and suffer.
Nowadays, I realize
that people without disabilities suffer from the body they have,
and they can not look at themselves with affection.
They can not perceive that this is the body that we have.
We are always wanting something more,
weight, breasts, buttock, muscles.
And, folks, honestly, I could never get an arm.
So I had to look at myself and realize that I would never have an arm.
I remember it was very hard for me,
because I was the only person in my class who did not have an arm.
I was the only person who did not have an arm I knew.
I did not see anyone on TV, I did not see anyone in the theater,
I did not see anyone in the movie,
until I watched “Edward Scissorhands”.
And I remember that I loved the movie,
because for the first time in life a protagonist had no hands!
And folks, I’ve identified so much with Edward, with his story,
I loved seeing him cutting bushes.
And, man, I do not think even in Tim Burton’s deepest dreams,
a girl from Florianópolis, without an arm, would identify herself
with “Edward Scissorhands”, a horror film “trash”.
I have lived my whole life waiting for representativeness,
and she did not arrive.
And when the internet arrived,
I do not think anyone counted on her strength.
to give voice to the structural oppressions of society.
With the internet, minorities have become crowds,
and I saw people talking about gender, about color, about race.
I did not see people talking about disability.
Disability, it is a minority within the minority itself,
because we are forgotten, we are hidden,
we are not remembered.
And when you are going to talk about disability,
you bring a specialist, you bring a doctor,
you bring a psychologist,
you do not bring a person with disabilities,
and it bothered me a lot.
So I and the little brother had a great idea,
to create a channel on YouTube to talk about it.
And since then I have been representing thousands of people with disabilities
for this Brazil.
And many of them do not even have the same disability as me,
but they are seen in my speech,
they feel included by the things that I pass, by my day to day.
The representativeness, folks, she has a very great strength.
There are some people who watch my channel who are my little twins,
which are the people I call, who have the same disability as me,
and these people, they always come to tell me
as they had never known anyone like them.
And nowadays, I know thousands of people
who do not have the same arm as me,
I realize that it’s not that different, either.
These days I received
a message from a mother who has a twin with a little arm
and she told me that, like this,
She wanted my WhatsApp,
because she wanted me to type a video call with her son
because he, since he saw me on TV, on a TV show,
I would ask her every day
when the girl with her arm was going to be on TV again.
Because he was represented by me, he saw that he belongs to that.
It’s something he’s never had before; that I’ve never had before.
So,
as much as we accept our differences,
I realized that we have to take them,
like, get out of the closet, you know, get out of the closet and say,
“Look, I’m that person, I have it, I live with it,
but that does not define me. “
I believed, from the various denials I’ve had in my life:
“Oh, that’s not for you to do,” “Not that, Mariana.”
“No need to do the dishes, honey, stay calm!”
Several glances of grief brought me the idea
that disability was a bad thing,
was something that limited me,
it was something that made me smaller than the others.
Until I realized I did not.
And when I realized that, I said,
“I need to tell this to other people.”
So sometimes I get messages from people without disabilities
who tell me they are very grateful
because I’m there showing how I live with my disability
and I continue to be a strong person with personality, who loves me.
And this is very crazy and it is revolutionary,
because people do not expect you to love yourself.
It is against all that we are forced to really love,
especially if you have a disability, that hinders.
What do you mean, she’s happy and I’m not?
So what I want to say to you today,
is that I started the channel with a boost,
I started the channel because I did not see myself represented in the culture.
So if you do not see yourself represented in movies, series, books,
start talking about it.
Take on the role of your life and fight for your own struggles,
Do not wait for others.
We need you.
We must see the world through our eyes.
Thanks.
(Applause)
”
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