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Мой экзамен. Опыт мамы экстремально недоношенного ребёнка | Vera Skorokhodova | TEDxVladivostok


[music]

I believe that we all

come to this world

to something

learn but we do not

we always learn

life lessons for us

easier to live by

habit even if we

do something

wrong and then

life suits us

the exam is for sure

each of you have been

situations where life

suddenly went wrong according to plan

usually we call

it’s by chance

failure

misfortune I suggest

call it easier

examinations three years

back in my life

happened such

exam

which I found

not ready like you

know the normal

pregnancy lasts

average 40 weeks

my child

had to appear on

light at 28 weeks for three

months ahead of schedule

began with the fact that

I was just sent

to save but

doctors in the hospital

they told me that they

the child dies

suffocating

urgent

operation is so

the way I hit the floor

percent of mothers

which give birth

Extremely

Premature their children

weight less than one

kilogram odds

survive significantly

lower than in children

born term

visible reasons for that

my

pregnancy

developed precisely on

this scenario and

ended with

The outcome is not

managed

I was completely

healthy and on the question

why doctors answered

it’s so easy for you

no luck and only

after a while I realized

what actually became

For me this experience and

how do I really

lucky and today I would

wanted to share with

three questions

which I got

in my

examination

ticket and three

answers to me

I had to find a question

number one that

because if you are the worst

that summer when, after

long persuasion

doctors I still

had an operation

the child went to

in the intensive care unit, this is

a place

access that

material occurs

strictly by the hour at

small gap

time when you

you can feed

your child

change him

a diaper and somehow

chat at the same time

time I like everything

other mothers

had the opportunity

sometimes go out for

limits of the hospital and

this is the first time

I was back in

in the ordinary world I

with surprise

discovered very

strange thing

pregnant women in

Vladivostok was once

a hundred more than

they were usually

everywhere in a cafe in

buses on the streets in

pharmacies all over the city

pregnant except me

and each this large

round 9-month

my stomach told me you

loser in their place

there had to be me I

hated everyone

pregnant women

surprisingly but later

three years

quantities

I’m not pregnant

I meet strange

not at all we

see what we want

see and I saw

own

inferiority

but now imagine

ward that

there are 10 women

caught up in

about the same

life situations

child in hospital

nothing fun and

only

legal way

to deal with stress

talk but themes

conversations need

admit not very much

are diverse and you

how much from yesterday’s

of the day they gained 10 grams

but we are 30 or hooray we

today finally

ate the norm you are lucky

we are constantly

regurgitates and then

all these conversations

do not come from

that someone at the very

who is interested in who

how much it took in

that when you

very bad you

subconsciously looking for

someone worse

English is also there

such a proverb

misfortune does not endure

loneliness I every

times of hope

looked into my eyes

other mothers well

maybe at least you

we are overtaken today

but not many days

successively, I discovered

she is young in the very

the tail of achievement

newborns and

for a moment I

just decided for

everything is enough

more similar

issues surrounding

I do not ask mummies

not

traumatize

the next luncheon

opposite me on

the neighboring

on an adjacent chair

sits down

roommate in the ward I

all types remember my

vow of silence

showing that

I do not want to talk

intends but not here then

there was a girl getting out

phone

recruits mum and

tells her everything

as it is

dear mommy here

everything is wonderful only

he scored 60 grams and

in three days we

subscribes

inner voice in

my head in this

the moment is simply

laughed to me became

it’s funny how much

it’s stupid to try

keep oneself safe

on the achievement of

surrounding

it’s foolish to hate

people who have something

occurs or

is better than

by you

what was left for me

do at that time

the slogan of

my

child June was

there is no deterioration and glory

God and I had to

accept this

then that the daily

turtle checkers in 10

grams are also steps

and we are not worse than others

we are better than yesterday in

this moment

words are not

has not changed yet

as soon as I

has ceased to compare

we have with others

I was released

mass of energy

for example, I remembered

that the children’s room

still not ready

take baby and all

we threw on

repair and during

our short meetings

in resuscitation I

told her how

we are waiting for her at home question

number two how do you carry

burden of responsibility

for the life of a small

a person once

after another

visiting the young

resuscitation and not the most

hopeful

predictions of doctors I

came out and just

burst into tears from

impotence from awareness

the fact that I did not

I can influence

small

man rather

got into the normal

life to you

got out at all

and then I called

to her husband

which was the most

persistent and most

strong man

poured out another

a portion of experiences and

he told me very much

tough but very

correct words he

said

Listen, it’s hers.

life is now only

she has to decide what’s wrong with her

do you here

nothing more

stop taking

situation at one’s own expense

we talked about the baby

6 weeks old and he

was right, I literally

I felt with

I lost weight

excessive

responsibility is not

unrealizable

commitments at the

child 24 hours in

day is under

care of doctors

I give for my part

and everything is possible and everything

necessary and not

less I can not

take it for

important decision as

live or not live we

how should parents

give to your children

love

security

opportunity

fine

develop and all

rest

they choose themselves

question number 3 when

problems will end

even before I

first saw

of my child I

found out with what

number of

diagnoses and threats to us

to fight and

I did not panic

just because I

generally poorly understood

what’s going on but

gradually shared with

doctors, we learned that

the first main task

is to overcome

critical

state and go

for the second stage

grooming from

hospital to hospital

when it happens

whether this will happen

none at all

does not imply

dared

unbearably long

seven days is all the same

there was little

800 grams of lump

but the ambulance

assistance went from

hospital to hospital

our excitement at that

day is impossible

describe by any

words but joy

It was short-lived as the

Only we got

before the hospital we found out

that now the list

conditions almost in 2

times more

first need

was to move from

apparatus

artificial

ventilation

which are fully

breathes for a person on

staff

supporting

breathing is then needed

was cured of

pneumonia

get rid of

other infections

learn to breathe

fully

yourself

type a certain

weight to learn is from

they through

probe and this one

the stage promised

achievement of

the long-awaited

tranquility

but as soon as we

got to it

a dozen more popped up

The problem is not

ended in

vice versa

new no less important

and we do not have time

rejoice again

joined the struggle in

some time the charter

from this infinite

race I suddenly

drew attention to

how sometimes about their

children are told by their mother

outside the hospital

mums healthy

full-term children

sometimes they say

Lord, when are you

already you will begin to eat so at

but the whole kitchen in

your porridge or I’ll go

mad I do not know how to us

choose which

kindergarten go there

where the program is

such a wonderful

or

where friends are good

educators and this

became for me

revelation postoyte

The problem is not

end that is

even when we

everything will turn out well

we all will come

home

this whole

history with pots with

lure my with a choice

kindergarten

but in one beautiful

she will find my day

cosmetic bag and

decorate and everything

around

quietly no more

will be every day

it bears us difficulties and

only depends on us

how to treat them

as a problem or as

task as vital

stage

overcoming which

we become

more mature and wiser and

most often happier

I do not know what would

evaluation has put us

The universe on this

examination

but after it my

favorite quote became

phrase from sept

exupery

you’re looking for meaning in life

but after all the only

its meaning is that

you finally come true and

Absolutely not

the destroyed rest

what are you doing

show something to do

life only as already

can look in the mirror

beautiful on yes

Thank you

[applause]

[music]

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