[Music] so about a month ago I was sitting in
so about a month ago I was sitting in
so about a month ago I was sitting in front of my computer screen trying to
front of my computer screen trying to
front of my computer screen trying to fill out a scholarship application form
fill out a scholarship application form
fill out a scholarship application form there were your typical scholarship
there were your typical scholarship
there were your typical scholarship application form questions like Lister
application form questions like Lister
application form questions like Lister community involvement or describe a time
community involvement or describe a time
community involvement or describe a time when you took on leadership and then I
when you took on leadership and then I
when you took on leadership and then I came across the question what are your
came across the question what are your
came across the question what are your hobbies as I sat there in front of my
hobbies as I sat there in front of my
hobbies as I sat there in front of my computer screen staring at that big
computer screen staring at that big
computer screen staring at that big empty white box I surprisingly found
empty white box I surprisingly found
empty white box I surprisingly found myself unable to answer the supposedly
myself unable to answer the supposedly
myself unable to answer the supposedly simple question what are your hobbies
simple question what are your hobbies
simple question what are your hobbies what are my hobbies to help me answer
what are my hobbies to help me answer
what are my hobbies to help me answer this question I first asked myself well
this question I first asked myself well
this question I first asked myself well what do I like to do in my free time
what do I like to do in my free time
what do I like to do in my free time well first of all what do I even define
well first of all what do I even define
well first of all what do I even define is my free time my free time is that
is my free time my free time is that
is my free time my free time is that time when I don’t have to study for a
time when I don’t have to study for a
time when I don’t have to study for a big test for school I don’t have to do
big test for school I don’t have to do
big test for school I don’t have to do homework for school I don’t have to
homework for school I don’t have to
homework for school I don’t have to volunteer for school basically when I
volunteer for school basically when I
volunteer for school basically when I don’t have to do any school related
don’t have to do any school related
don’t have to do any school related activities and then I realized well that
activities and then I realized well that
activities and then I realized well that means I don’t really have any free time
means I don’t really have any free time
means I don’t really have any free time then because Here I am during my free
then because Here I am during my free
then because Here I am during my free time sitting in front my computer screen
time sitting in front my computer screen
time sitting in front my computer screen trying to fill out the scholarship
trying to fill out the scholarship
trying to fill out the scholarship application form for school I would much
application form for school I would much
application form for school I would much rather stay at home and study for a big
rather stay at home and study for a big
rather stay at home and study for a big test then go to a party or go with
test then go to a party or go with
test then go to a party or go with friends as lean as it sounds I would
friends as lean as it sounds I would
friends as lean as it sounds I would much rather do some extra textbook
much rather do some extra textbook
much rather do some extra textbook questions for review then go into social
questions for review then go into social
questions for review then go into social media or get onto Netflix I would much
media or get onto Netflix I would much
media or get onto Netflix I would much rather do all these things and it’s not
rather do all these things and it’s not
rather do all these things and it’s not because I like to do homework or I like
because I like to do homework or I like
because I like to do homework or I like to work but because if I’m not working
to work but because if I’m not working
to work but because if I’m not working 24/7 I feel like I’m wasting time the
24/7 I feel like I’m wasting time the
24/7 I feel like I’m wasting time the simple question what are your hobbies
simple question what are your hobbies
simple question what are your hobbies made me realise that I don’t really have
made me realise that I don’t really have
made me realise that I don’t really have any hobbies because I don’t really have
any hobbies because I don’t really have
any hobbies because I don’t really have any free time to explore my hobbies
any free time to explore my hobbies
any free time to explore my hobbies because I’m a student and my life
because I’m a student and my life
because I’m a student and my life revolves around being a student being a
revolves around being a student being a
revolves around being a student being a student not only entails working for
student not only entails working for
student not only entails working for those outstanding grades and trying to
those outstanding grades and trying to
those outstanding grades and trying to working for those outstanding grades but
working for those outstanding grades but
working for those outstanding grades but also trying to get involved with as many
also trying to get involved with as many
also trying to get involved with as many things as possible like volunteer
things as possible like volunteer
things as possible like volunteer opportunities clubs and councils it’s
opportunities clubs and councils it’s
opportunities clubs and councils it’s always about trying to add to that
always about trying to add to that
always about trying to add to that resume trying to find something to write
resume trying to find something to write
resume trying to find something to write about it those application essays doing
about it those application essays doing
about it those application essays doing all the things a student should do in
all the things a student should do in
all the things a student should do in order to be considered a good student
order to be considered a good student
order to be considered a good student because of my obsession we’re trying to
because of my obsession we’re trying to
because of my obsession we’re trying to be a good student I never really had any
be a good student I never really had any
be a good student I never really had any time to explore Who I am as an
time to explore Who I am as an
time to explore Who I am as an individual all these realizations
individual all these realizations
individual all these realizations to fear within me a fear of what then
to fear within me a fear of what then
to fear within me a fear of what then I’m not gonna be a student forever
I’m not gonna be a student forever
I’m not gonna be a student forever hopefully what will happen when I no
hopefully what will happen when I no
hopefully what will happen when I no longer have to go to school and I no
longer have to go to school and I no
longer have to go to school and I no longer have to be a student if I’m not
longer have to be a student if I’m not
longer have to be a student if I’m not gonna wake up to do homework or to study
gonna wake up to do homework or to study
gonna wake up to do homework or to study for a test or to volunteer what am I
for a test or to volunteer what am I
for a test or to volunteer what am I going to wake up to how am I going to
going to wake up to how am I going to
going to wake up to how am I going to keep myself busy occupy my time I have
keep myself busy occupy my time I have
keep myself busy occupy my time I have no idea who I am outside of being a
no idea who I am outside of being a
no idea who I am outside of being a student because I spent every waking
student because I spent every waking
student because I spent every waking minute of my day mindlessly working away
minute of my day mindlessly working away
minute of my day mindlessly working away I have close to zero personality and
I have close to zero personality and
I have close to zero personality and that scares me because I’m at this point
that scares me because I’m at this point
that scares me because I’m at this point in my life
in my life
in my life somewhere between school obsessed
somewhere between school obsessed
somewhere between school obsessed student and free to do whatever I want
student and free to do whatever I want
student and free to do whatever I want adult and I would much rather stay
adult and I would much rather stay
adult and I would much rather stay closer to school obsessed student on the
closer to school obsessed student on the
closer to school obsessed student on the spectrum transitioning into becoming an
spectrum transitioning into becoming an
spectrum transitioning into becoming an independent and self driven adult is
independent and self driven adult is
independent and self driven adult is really really really scary when you have
really really really scary when you have
really really really scary when you have no idea who you are or what you want to
no idea who you are or what you want to
no idea who you are or what you want to do with your life so from one uh turley
do with your life so from one uh turley
do with your life so from one uh turley confused student to another i have
confused student to another i have
confused student to another i have compiled a list of four things that
compiled a list of four things that
compiled a list of four things that might help you on your journey if you
might help you on your journey if you
might help you on your journey if you will to forming a personality number one
will to forming a personality number one
will to forming a personality number one admit that you are lost if you were to
admit that you are lost if you were to
admit that you are lost if you were to ask me to describe myself I would
ask me to describe myself I would
ask me to describe myself I would probably say something along the lines
probably say something along the lines
probably say something along the lines of predictable self-assured and decisive
of predictable self-assured and decisive
of predictable self-assured and decisive I always say these words with uneasiness
I always say these words with uneasiness
I always say these words with uneasiness because I’m simply trying to cover up
because I’m simply trying to cover up
because I’m simply trying to cover up the fact that I’m a person who needs
the fact that I’m a person who needs
the fact that I’m a person who needs control I’m a person who needs order I’m
control I’m a person who needs order I’m
control I’m a person who needs order I’m a person who forces myself to make final
a person who forces myself to make final
a person who forces myself to make final decisions to be confident in those final
decisions to be confident in those final
decisions to be confident in those final decisions and to follow a set agenda or
decisions and to follow a set agenda or
decisions and to follow a set agenda or plan because I want to stay as far away
plan because I want to stay as far away
plan because I want to stay as far away as possible from the sinking feeling of
as possible from the sinking feeling of
as possible from the sinking feeling of vulnerability for as long as I can
vulnerability for as long as I can
vulnerability for as long as I can remember I’ve always been extremely
remember I’ve always been extremely
remember I’ve always been extremely jealous of my cousin who is the
jealous of my cousin who is the
jealous of my cousin who is the definition of perfection in my parents
definition of perfection in my parents
definition of perfection in my parents eyes she’s smarter prettier taller has a
eyes she’s smarter prettier taller has a
eyes she’s smarter prettier taller has a better eyebrows has all the trophy
better eyebrows has all the trophy
better eyebrows has all the trophy boyfriends and seems to be truly loved
boyfriends and seems to be truly loved
boyfriends and seems to be truly loved by everybody who meets her every
by everybody who meets her every
by everybody who meets her every Christmas party and summer family
Christmas party and summer family
Christmas party and summer family barbecue was an opportunity for me to
barbecue was an opportunity for me to
barbecue was an opportunity for me to knock her off her pedestal to show my
knock her off her pedestal to show my
knock her off her pedestal to show my parents that I could be just like her or
parents that I could be just like her or
parents that I could be just like her or a slightly better version of her and it
a slightly better version of her and it
a slightly better version of her and it consumed me to the bone when the stress
consumed me to the bone when the stress
consumed me to the bone when the stress became too much I realized that the
became too much I realized that the
became too much I realized that the healthiest thing a person can do
healthiest thing a person can do
healthiest thing a person can do and times of vulnerability is to admit
and times of vulnerability is to admit
and times of vulnerability is to admit that you’re flawed and that there are
that you’re flawed and that there are
that you’re flawed and that there are missing pieces you can’t be everything
missing pieces you can’t be everything
missing pieces you can’t be everything or have all the qualities that everybody
or have all the qualities that everybody
or have all the qualities that everybody else around you has similarly to how you
else around you has similarly to how you
else around you has similarly to how you can’t know everything about who you are
can’t know everything about who you are
can’t know everything about who you are or what you want to do with your life
or what you want to do with your life
or what you want to do with your life probably the healthiest and most crucial
probably the healthiest and most crucial
probably the healthiest and most crucial first step a person can do towards
first step a person can do towards
first step a person can do towards identifying themselves is to be honest
identifying themselves is to be honest
identifying themselves is to be honest admit that you’re a student whose first
admit that you’re a student whose first
admit that you’re a student whose first priority is school and nothing but
priority is school and nothing but
priority is school and nothing but school admit that you have no idea who
school admit that you have no idea who
school admit that you have no idea who you are outside of being a student that
you are outside of being a student that
you are outside of being a student that you have close to zero personality and
you have close to zero personality and
you have close to zero personality and that you were lost admit that you are a
that you were lost admit that you are a
that you were lost admit that you are a boring school oriented workaholic and
boring school oriented workaholic and
boring school oriented workaholic and that you fear the future
that you fear the future
that you fear the future fear the prospect of stepping into
fear the prospect of stepping into
fear the prospect of stepping into adulthood without really knowing who you
adulthood without really knowing who you
adulthood without really knowing who you are and this brings me to my next point
are and this brings me to my next point
are and this brings me to my next point number two embrace the beauty and not
number two embrace the beauty and not
number two embrace the beauty and not knowing who you are once you’ve come to
knowing who you are once you’ve come to
knowing who you are once you’ve come to terms with your fear of the unknown
terms with your fear of the unknown
terms with your fear of the unknown future welcomed it with open arms and
future welcomed it with open arms and
future welcomed it with open arms and see all the potential that lies within
see all the potential that lies within
see all the potential that lies within not knowing who you actually are prepare
not knowing who you actually are prepare
not knowing who you actually are prepare yourself to take on all the new
yourself to take on all the new
yourself to take on all the new opportunities that come your way
opportunities that come your way
opportunities that come your way to go through all the open doors to sift
to go through all the open doors to sift
to go through all the open doors to sift through all the options to see what’s
through all the options to see what’s
through all the options to see what’s right for you and what you like to do
right for you and what you like to do
right for you and what you like to do I’m currently in the middle of doing
I’m currently in the middle of doing
I’m currently in the middle of doing just that
just that
just that I tell myself to be aware of all the
I tell myself to be aware of all the
I tell myself to be aware of all the opportunities that come by and if I show
opportunities that come by and if I show
opportunities that come by and if I show the slightest interest in them to just
the slightest interest in them to just
the slightest interest in them to just do it and take the chance and that’s why
do it and take the chance and that’s why
do it and take the chance and that’s why I’m standing here in front of you all
I’m standing here in front of you all
I’m standing here in front of you all speaking today for a school oriented
speaking today for a school oriented
speaking today for a school oriented perfectionist who is obsessed with
perfectionist who is obsessed with
perfectionist who is obsessed with following a specific plan or agenda this
following a specific plan or agenda this
following a specific plan or agenda this task can be exceptionally hard to do
task can be exceptionally hard to do
task can be exceptionally hard to do something to keep in mind is that the
something to keep in mind is that the
something to keep in mind is that the same idea of letting go of control
same idea of letting go of control
same idea of letting go of control invest time in doing something you love
invest time in doing something you love
invest time in doing something you love but even if you don’t know that you like
but even if you don’t know that you like
but even if you don’t know that you like it or not yet still do it because you
it or not yet still do it because you
it or not yet still do it because you might actually end up like you might
might actually end up like you might
might actually end up like you might actually end up liking it not everything
actually end up liking it not everything
actually end up liking it not everything needs to have an ultimate end goal or a
needs to have an ultimate end goal or a
needs to have an ultimate end goal or a set purpose not everything needs to be
set purpose not everything needs to be
set purpose not everything needs to be an efficient use of time or play a clear
an efficient use of time or play a clear
an efficient use of time or play a clear role in the grand scheme of you figuring
role in the grand scheme of you figuring
role in the grand scheme of you figuring out who you are it’s okay to sit down
out who you are it’s okay to sit down
out who you are it’s okay to sit down for a few hours for no good reason and
for a few hours for no good reason and
for a few hours for no good reason and watch Grey’s Anatomy it’s okay to go out
watch Grey’s Anatomy it’s okay to go out
watch Grey’s Anatomy it’s okay to go out with friends for a night and it’s okay
with friends for a night and it’s okay
with friends for a night and it’s okay to leave all your homework to the last
to leave all your homework to the last
to leave all your homework to the last minute once in a while it’s okay to do
minute once in a while it’s okay to do
minute once in a while it’s okay to do all these things it’s okay to waste time
all these things it’s okay to waste time
all these things it’s okay to waste time because it’s part of being human
because it’s part of being human
because it’s part of being human take the time to waste time and you’ll
take the time to waste time and you’ll
take the time to waste time and you’ll notice that in the long run it
notice that in the long run it
notice that in the long run it does help with figuring out who you are
does help with figuring out who you are
does help with figuring out who you are number three probably the weirdest thing
number three probably the weirdest thing
number three probably the weirdest thing a person can do in trying to get rid of
a person can do in trying to get rid of
a person can do in trying to get rid of a bad habit is unknowingly going back to
a bad habit is unknowingly going back to
a bad habit is unknowingly going back to that bad habit while the goal is to take
that bad habit while the goal is to take
that bad habit while the goal is to take some time away from working and away
some time away from working and away
some time away from working and away from being fixated on school in order to
from being fixated on school in order to
from being fixated on school in order to try new things and see who you are as a
try new things and see who you are as a
try new things and see who you are as a person
person
person don’t let the workaholic sight of you
don’t let the workaholic sight of you
don’t let the workaholic sight of you turn that into another soul destroying
turn that into another soul destroying
turn that into another soul destroying personality inhibiting addiction the
personality inhibiting addiction the
personality inhibiting addiction the point isn’t to form yourself or to form
point isn’t to form yourself or to form
point isn’t to form yourself or to form a personality before you enter adulthood
a personality before you enter adulthood
a personality before you enter adulthood the point is to let it come naturally to
the point is to let it come naturally to
the point is to let it come naturally to you
you
you don’t go out looking for who you are
don’t go out looking for who you are
don’t go out looking for who you are create it and take all the time you need
create it and take all the time you need
create it and take all the time you need doing so trust in the fact that as long
doing so trust in the fact that as long
doing so trust in the fact that as long as new things are welcome to tried you
as new things are welcome to tried you
as new things are welcome to tried you will figure out who you are and don’t
will figure out who you are and don’t
will figure out who you are and don’t feel like forming a personality has a
feel like forming a personality has a
feel like forming a personality has a due date because there is no set
due date because there is no set
due date because there is no set timeline
timeline
timeline don’t let forming a personality become
don’t let forming a personality become
don’t let forming a personality become another task on your endless to-do list
another task on your endless to-do list
another task on your endless to-do list so back to the question that started
so back to the question that started
so back to the question that started this all what are my hobbies well the
this all what are my hobbies well the
this all what are my hobbies well the application was due a month about a
application was due a month about a
application was due a month about a month ago so I had to write something in
month ago so I had to write something in
month ago so I had to write something in that big empty white box I ended up
that big empty white box I ended up
that big empty white box I ended up writing some automatic answer that I
writing some automatic answer that I
writing some automatic answer that I always put in those types of questions
always put in those types of questions
always put in those types of questions to make myself sound more interesting
to make myself sound more interesting
to make myself sound more interesting than I actually am I like to play piano
than I actually am I like to play piano
than I actually am I like to play piano I think to volunteer I like to explore
I think to volunteer I like to explore
I think to volunteer I like to explore the outdoors etc etc now don’t get me
the outdoors etc etc now don’t get me
the outdoors etc etc now don’t get me wrong I actually do enjoy doing all of
wrong I actually do enjoy doing all of
wrong I actually do enjoy doing all of those things but why did I start doing
those things but why did I start doing
those things but why did I start doing those things in the first place because
those things in the first place because
those things in the first place because from the very beginning I was obsessed
from the very beginning I was obsessed
from the very beginning I was obsessed with trying to strive as a student or
with trying to strive as a student or
with trying to strive as a student or excel as a student and I was obsessed
excel as a student and I was obsessed
excel as a student and I was obsessed with trying to shape myself into a
with trying to shape myself into a
with trying to shape myself into a well-rounded individual who I could
well-rounded individual who I could
well-rounded individual who I could write about in scholarship application
write about in scholarship application
write about in scholarship application forms today now there’s nothing wrong
forms today now there’s nothing wrong
forms today now there’s nothing wrong with trying to excel in school in fact I
with trying to excel in school in fact I
with trying to excel in school in fact I think it’s a great quality to have
think it’s a great quality to have
think it’s a great quality to have but along with being fixated on school
but along with being fixated on school
but along with being fixated on school and work comes the fear of entering
and work comes the fear of entering
and work comes the fear of entering adulthood believing you don’t know who
adulthood believing you don’t know who
adulthood believing you don’t know who you are and notice how I use the word
you are and notice how I use the word
you are and notice how I use the word believes because this brings me to my
believes because this brings me to my
believes because this brings me to my fourth and final point which kind of
fourth and final point which kind of
fourth and final point which kind of contradicts everything that I’ve said so
contradicts everything that I’ve said so
contradicts everything that I’ve said so far but might be reassuring to my fellow
far but might be reassuring to my fellow
far but might be reassuring to my fellow school and work addicts while it is
school and work addicts while it is
school and work addicts while it is commonly assumed that those who are
commonly assumed that those who are
commonly assumed that those who are fixated on work in school have zero
fixated on work in school have zero
fixated on work in school have zero personality I like to think that there’s
personality I like to think that there’s
personality I like to think that there’s actually no such thing as zero
actually no such thing as zero
actually no such thing as zero personality disorder I realized that
personality disorder I realized that
personality disorder I realized that being a perfectionist and being a
being a perfectionist and being a
being a perfectionist and being a workaholic is my personality and it’s
workaholic is my personality and it’s
workaholic is my personality and it’s not all bad
not all bad
not all bad I think it’s allowed me to develop some
I think it’s allowed me to develop some
I think it’s allowed me to develop some traits that I’m actually proud of having
traits that I’m actually proud of having
traits that I’m actually proud of having today like determination the ability to
today like determination the ability to
today like determination the ability to focus well conscientiousness and my
focus well conscientiousness and my
focus well conscientiousness and my attention to detail while it’s great and
attention to detail while it’s great and
attention to detail while it’s great and healthy to take some time away from work
healthy to take some time away from work
healthy to take some time away from work and away from school to de-stress and to
and away from school to de-stress and to
and away from school to de-stress and to try new things remember that being a
try new things remember that being a
try new things remember that being a perfectionist and being a workaholic is
perfectionist and being a workaholic is
perfectionist and being a workaholic is part of who you are
part of who you are
part of who you are accept and appreciate the fact that you
accept and appreciate the fact that you
accept and appreciate the fact that you are a perfectionist and that you are a
are a perfectionist and that you are a
are a perfectionist and that you are a workaholic and that you’re not as boring
workaholic and that you’re not as boring
workaholic and that you’re not as boring as you thought you were thank you
as you thought you were thank you
as you thought you were thank you [Applause]
”
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