okay so I’d first like to begin with an audience poll the question I have is
audience poll the question I have is
audience poll the question I have is when you were younger did you look more
when you were younger did you look more
when you were younger did you look more like your father or your mother so if
like your father or your mother so if
like your father or your mother so if you look more like your father please
you look more like your father please
you look more like your father please raise your hand
raise your hand
raise your hand [Music]
[Music]
[Music] thank you now if you look more like your
thank you now if you look more like your
thank you now if you look more like your mother please raise your hand thank you
mother please raise your hand thank you
mother please raise your hand thank you now in my case I look like neither
my story does not begin with family
my story does not begin with family videos or photographs about the big day
videos or photographs about the big day
videos or photographs about the big day at the hospital my story begins with
at the hospital my story begins with
at the hospital my story begins with orphanage records they say they found me
orphanage records they say they found me
orphanage records they say they found me in front of a retired military home at
in front of a retired military home at
in front of a retired military home at the age of one month old I was then
the age of one month old I was then
the age of one month old I was then brought into an orphanage where they
brought into an orphanage where they
brought into an orphanage where they gave me a name and a birthday these were
gave me a name and a birthday these were
gave me a name and a birthday these were the building blocks to my identity
the building blocks to my identity
the building blocks to my identity within the first few months I was
within the first few months I was
within the first few months I was brought into a foster family I had a
brought into a foster family I had a
brought into a foster family I had a foster mom a foster dad and even a
foster mom a foster dad and even a
foster mom a foster dad and even a foster brother
foster brother
foster brother so I guess life was okay but then one
so I guess life was okay but then one
so I guess life was okay but then one day these strange people came and took
day these strange people came and took
day these strange people came and took me away from everything I knew these
me away from everything I knew these
me away from everything I knew these were my new parents and we were now a
were my new parents and we were now a
were my new parents and we were now a forever family we got on a plane and
forever family we got on a plane and
forever family we got on a plane and left China and went to the US I began
left China and went to the US I began
left China and went to the US I began singing songs in my mother’s lap in
singing songs in my mother’s lap in
singing songs in my mother’s lap in Cantonese but son soon adapted and
Cantonese but son soon adapted and
Cantonese but son soon adapted and started singing mary had a little lamb I
started singing mary had a little lamb I
started singing mary had a little lamb I was changing my ethnic identity from
was changing my ethnic identity from
was changing my ethnic identity from Chinese to American I got to visit
Chinese to American I got to visit
Chinese to American I got to visit Disneyland spend Christmas with Santa
Disneyland spend Christmas with Santa
Disneyland spend Christmas with Santa Claus and even collect candy on
Claus and even collect candy on
Claus and even collect candy on Halloween we were the stereotypical
Halloween we were the stereotypical
Halloween we were the stereotypical family two parents two kids and a dog
family two parents two kids and a dog
family two parents two kids and a dog however I knew that society viewed my
however I knew that society viewed my
however I knew that society viewed my family as very strange this is because
family as very strange this is because
family as very strange this is because we would always get the look you can
we would always get the look you can
we would always get the look you can easily tell this as people look from mom
easily tell this as people look from mom
easily tell this as people look from mom to dad to me from mom to dad to me and
to dad to me from mom to dad to me and
to dad to me from mom to dad to me and you can read their minds like why
you can read their minds like why
you can read their minds like why doesn’t she look like them or how can
doesn’t she look like them or how can
doesn’t she look like them or how can this be and because of these reactions I
this be and because of these reactions I
this be and because of these reactions I never wanted my parents to come to
never wanted my parents to come to
never wanted my parents to come to school for any sports events and
school for any sports events and
school for any sports events and especially parent-teacher conferences
especially parent-teacher conferences
especially parent-teacher conferences [Music]
they would ask questions like do you
they would ask questions like do you want to find your real parents this is
want to find your real parents this is
want to find your real parents this is always such a strange question to me
always such a strange question to me
always such a strange question to me because the people who I live with at
because the people who I live with at
because the people who I live with at home are very real indeed they’re not
home are very real indeed they’re not
home are very real indeed they’re not fake but it also reminded me that I have
fake but it also reminded me that I have
fake but it also reminded me that I have a missing piece in my history who are my
a missing piece in my history who are my
a missing piece in my history who are my biological parents some days I am very
biological parents some days I am very
biological parents some days I am very angry and I don’t even want to think
angry and I don’t even want to think
angry and I don’t even want to think about my situation but other days I just
about my situation but other days I just
about my situation but other days I just want to know the real story although
want to know the real story although
want to know the real story although these questions make me uncomfortable
these questions make me uncomfortable
these questions make me uncomfortable being uncomfortable is not a bad thing
being uncomfortable is not a bad thing
being uncomfortable is not a bad thing uncomfortable situations make us
uncomfortable situations make us
uncomfortable situations make us resilient and how we react to this this
resilient and how we react to this this
resilient and how we react to this this awkwardness or uncomfortable situations
awkwardness or uncomfortable situations
awkwardness or uncomfortable situations shape who we are and how I react to
shape who we are and how I react to
shape who we are and how I react to these questions shape Who I am going up
these questions shape Who I am going up
these questions shape Who I am going up in America I considered myself as
in America I considered myself as
in America I considered myself as Chinese however in elementary school I
Chinese however in elementary school I
Chinese however in elementary school I knew that I look very different from
knew that I look very different from
knew that I look very different from many of the students who were also there
many of the students who were also there
many of the students who were also there they would come up to me and ask me
they would come up to me and ask me
they would come up to me and ask me questions like where are you from and I
questions like where are you from and I
questions like where are you from and I would tell them I’m from Scottsdale
would tell them I’m from Scottsdale
would tell them I’m from Scottsdale Arizona and they would ask me again no
Arizona and they would ask me again no
Arizona and they would ask me again no really where are you from and I would
really where are you from and I would
really where are you from and I would tell them no really I am from Scottsdale
tell them no really I am from Scottsdale
tell them no really I am from Scottsdale Arizona
Arizona
Arizona in fact my house is just five blocks
in fact my house is just five blocks
in fact my house is just five blocks away from the school even at this young
away from the school even at this young
away from the school even at this young age I knew that the problem was that my
age I knew that the problem was that my
age I knew that the problem was that my my racial and my cultural identity did
my racial and my cultural identity did
my racial and my cultural identity did not match people did not know how to
not match people did not know how to
not match people did not know how to label me was I Chinese was I American
label me was I Chinese was I American
label me was I Chinese was I American where exactly was my anchor to define
where exactly was my anchor to define
where exactly was my anchor to define where I was from
where I was from
where I was from but even so my family took many trips
but even so my family took many trips
but even so my family took many trips back to China and we visited many China
back to China and we visited many China
back to China and we visited many China towns in New York Vancouver and cities
towns in New York Vancouver and cities
towns in New York Vancouver and cities in between this gave me an opportunity
in between this gave me an opportunity
in between this gave me an opportunity to learn more about my culture of
to learn more about my culture of
to learn more about my culture of background it also helped me shape parts
background it also helped me shape parts
background it also helped me shape parts of my identity as Chinese
of my identity as Chinese
of my identity as Chinese but I was also very lucky I got double
but I was also very lucky I got double
but I was also very lucky I got double holidays so for every New Year’s Eve I
holidays so for every New Year’s Eve I
holidays so for every New Year’s Eve I also got a Lunar New Year and for every
also got a Lunar New Year and for every
also got a Lunar New Year and for every Halloween I got an autumn moon festival
Halloween I got an autumn moon festival
Halloween I got an autumn moon festival my family also joined a group called
my family also joined a group called
my family also joined a group called families with children from China and
families with children from China and
families with children from China and through this experience I was able to
through this experience I was able to
through this experience I was able to meet people and make friends who were
meet people and make friends who were
meet people and make friends who were just like me we’re both the past and the
just like me we’re both the past and the
just like me we’re both the past and the future are mysteries but in 2012 my life
future are mysteries but in 2012 my life
future are mysteries but in 2012 my life flipped completely upside down we moved
flipped completely upside down we moved
flipped completely upside down we moved to China now in China I look similar to
to China now in China I look similar to
to China now in China I look similar to almost all the people who were there my
almost all the people who were there my
almost all the people who were there my racial identity was very similar on one
racial identity was very similar on one
racial identity was very similar on one hand it was incredibly comfortable being
hand it was incredibly comfortable being
hand it was incredibly comfortable being able to blend into the crowd however I
able to blend into the crowd however I
able to blend into the crowd however I knew that I did not really belong in
knew that I did not really belong in
knew that I did not really belong in fact I remember one time where I was at
fact I remember one time where I was at
fact I remember one time where I was at a restaurant with my parents and I
a restaurant with my parents and I
a restaurant with my parents and I happily told them that they were the
happily told them that they were the
happily told them that they were the ones who looked different and it wasn’t
ones who looked different and it wasn’t
ones who looked different and it wasn’t me however I still got the look eyes
me however I still got the look eyes
me however I still got the look eyes from my mom to my dad to me to my mom to
from my mom to my dad to me to my mom to
from my mom to my dad to me to my mom to my dad to me and then the question I you
my dad to me and then the question I you
my dad to me and then the question I you dare tour guide or are you their
dare tour guide or are you their
dare tour guide or are you their translator and with the little Chinese I
translator and with the little Chinese I
translator and with the little Chinese I knew I would have to tell them no I am
knew I would have to tell them no I am
knew I would have to tell them no I am their daughter and I don’t know how to
their daughter and I don’t know how to
their daughter and I don’t know how to speak Chinese
speak Chinese
speak Chinese this left them even more confused
this left them even more confused
this left them even more confused because well I looked Chinese but I
because well I looked Chinese but I
because well I looked Chinese but I didn’t speak Chinese it was very strange
didn’t speak Chinese it was very strange
didn’t speak Chinese it was very strange two amazing events happened while I was
two amazing events happened while I was
two amazing events happened while I was living in China first I joined an
living in China first I joined an
living in China first I joined an organization called love without
organization called love without
organization called love without boundaries and their mission is to help
boundaries and their mission is to help
boundaries and their mission is to help impoverished and orphaned children
impoverished and orphaned children
impoverished and orphaned children receive medical treatments every week I
receive medical treatments every week I
receive medical treatments every week I would go to a Children’s Hospital in
would go to a Children’s Hospital in
would go to a Children’s Hospital in Shanghai and take photographs and write
Shanghai and take photographs and write
Shanghai and take photographs and write updates about the children there I hope
updates about the children there I hope
updates about the children there I hope that my words would be able to connect
that my words would be able to connect
that my words would be able to connect them to their
them to their
them to their sponsors so they would be able to find
sponsors so they would be able to find
sponsors so they would be able to find families as most of these children we’re
families as most of these children we’re
families as most of these children we’re orphans I had an instant connection to
orphans I had an instant connection to
orphans I had an instant connection to them I had been there I had been in an
them I had been there I had been in an
them I had been there I had been in an orphanage except for these children here
orphanage except for these children here
orphanage except for these children here have to go through surgery all by
have to go through surgery all by
have to go through surgery all by themselves without a family member there
themselves without a family member there
themselves without a family member there to hold their hand and tell them that
to hold their hand and tell them that
to hold their hand and tell them that everything will be okay I just hope that
everything will be okay I just hope that
everything will be okay I just hope that my words would help them find forever
my words would help them find forever
my words would help them find forever families like mine
and secondly I also have an older sister
and secondly I also have an older sister who was adopted from China as well but
who was adopted from China as well but
who was adopted from China as well but against all odds she amazingly found her
against all odds she amazingly found her
against all odds she amazingly found her family mom dad sister cousins
family mom dad sister cousins
family mom dad sister cousins grandparents and all these people who
grandparents and all these people who
grandparents and all these people who looked like her and shared her DNA so in
looked like her and shared her DNA so in
looked like her and shared her DNA so in addition to my adoptive family I also
addition to my adoptive family I also
addition to my adoptive family I also have my sister’s biological family who
have my sister’s biological family who
have my sister’s biological family who defy all labels are they might have
defy all labels are they might have
defy all labels are they might have family my step family I don’t know
family my step family I don’t know
family my step family I don’t know but somehow we are now all family so
but somehow we are now all family so
but somehow we are now all family so what exactly is family is it two parents
what exactly is family is it two parents
what exactly is family is it two parents two kids and a dog definitely not what I
two kids and a dog definitely not what I
two kids and a dog definitely not what I have learned is that family is much more
have learned is that family is much more
have learned is that family is much more than a DNA connection family is built
than a DNA connection family is built
than a DNA connection family is built through love and not genetics family are
through love and not genetics family are
through love and not genetics family are the people who are there for you and you
the people who are there for you and you
the people who are there for you and you for them and from this perspective I
for them and from this perspective I
for them and from this perspective I believe that we need to redefine the
believe that we need to redefine the
believe that we need to redefine the definition of family and recognize that
definition of family and recognize that
definition of family and recognize that families come in all shapes and sizes
families come in all shapes and sizes
families come in all shapes and sizes just like people and to this end I still
just like people and to this end I still
just like people and to this end I still believe that every child needs and
believe that every child needs and
believe that every child needs and deserves a loving home
but now I’m here in Dusseldorf which is
but now I’m here in Dusseldorf which is yet another step in my journey except
yet another step in my journey except
yet another step in my journey except for here I do not have the racial or the
for here I do not have the racial or the
for here I do not have the racial or the cultural similarities that I had while
cultural similarities that I had while
cultural similarities that I had while living in China and the US it has given
living in China and the US it has given
living in China and the US it has given me a different perspective of who I am
me a different perspective of who I am
me a different perspective of who I am [Music]
[Music]
[Music] but even so I still get the question do
but even so I still get the question do
but even so I still get the question do you want to find your biological parents
you want to find your biological parents
you want to find your biological parents but the answer to that is I don’t know
but the answer to that is I don’t know
but the answer to that is I don’t know because I have hugged and cried with my
because I have hugged and cried with my
because I have hugged and cried with my sister as she went through joy from
sister as she went through joy from
sister as she went through joy from finding them to anger over how they
finding them to anger over how they
finding them to anger over how they could not keep her on one hand I would
could not keep her on one hand I would
could not keep her on one hand I would love to know if I look more like my
love to know if I look more like my
love to know if I look more like my biological father or my mother but on
biological father or my mother but on
biological father or my mother but on the other hand I know that the cultural
the other hand I know that the cultural
the other hand I know that the cultural differences and the language barrier are
differences and the language barrier are
differences and the language barrier are so great that we will never have a
so great that we will never have a
so great that we will never have a relationship like other biological
relationship like other biological
relationship like other biological families in the end I was found
families in the end I was found
families in the end I was found anonymously and perhaps I will never
anonymously and perhaps I will never
anonymously and perhaps I will never know but maybe one day through a DNA
know but maybe one day through a DNA
know but maybe one day through a DNA database match I will find an answer but
database match I will find an answer but
database match I will find an answer but I’m not sure if I will ever be ready for
I’m not sure if I will ever be ready for
I’m not sure if I will ever be ready for that
that
that I enjoy my biology class here where I’m
I enjoy my biology class here where I’m
I enjoy my biology class here where I’m able to learn about DNA and how it
able to learn about DNA and how it
able to learn about DNA and how it connects biological families but I also
connects biological families but I also
connects biological families but I also enjoy my psychology class where I can
enjoy my psychology class where I can
enjoy my psychology class where I can learn more about this connection and the
learn more about this connection and the
learn more about this connection and the emotional connection between families
emotional connection between families
emotional connection between families and the sense of belonging I have had
and the sense of belonging I have had
and the sense of belonging I have had this unique experience of seeing myself
this unique experience of seeing myself
this unique experience of seeing myself in all these different countries and
in all these different countries and
in all these different countries and what I have learned is that I will
what I have learned is that I will
what I have learned is that I will always be me
always be me
always be me my definition of me will always be
my definition of me will always be
my definition of me will always be changing depending on where I am life
changing depending on where I am life
changing depending on where I am life gave me a different beginning but I am
gave me a different beginning but I am
gave me a different beginning but I am shaping my own destiny but in reality I
shaping my own destiny but in reality I
shaping my own destiny but in reality I believe that everyone is just trying to
believe that everyone is just trying to
believe that everyone is just trying to find themselves
so Who am I I was born in China I grew
so Who am I I was born in China I grew up in China America and Germany I am on
up in China America and Germany I am on
up in China America and Germany I am on my journey I am me thank
”
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