Mother-in-Law: Representing children accused of crime | Herschella Conyers | TEDxUChicago

let me start by telling you about two

let me start by telling you about two times

times

times when my soul resisted the first time my

when my soul resisted the first time my

when my soul resisted the first time my soul shifted was when I had my son now

soul shifted was when I had my son now

soul shifted was when I had my son now every mother new mother thinks her world

every mother new mother thinks her world

every mother new mother thinks her world has changed when she has her first child

has changed when she has her first child

has changed when she has her first child but what made my soul shift that is what

but what made my soul shift that is what

but what made my soul shift that is what made me different in the world was not

made me different in the world was not

made me different in the world was not that I was a mother but that I was the

that I was a mother but that I was the

that I was a mother but that I was the mother of a boy did not expect it okay

mother of a boy did not expect it okay

mother of a boy did not expect it okay and here’s what you should understand I

and here’s what you should understand I

and here’s what you should understand I am the seventh grandchild and

am the seventh grandchild and

am the seventh grandchild and granddaughter in my family

granddaughter in my family

granddaughter in my family I’m also the third daughter of my

I’m also the third daughter of my

I’m also the third daughter of my parents both my older sisters have girls

parents both my older sisters have girls

parents both my older sisters have girls I just knew I was gonna have a girl I

I just knew I was gonna have a girl I

I just knew I was gonna have a girl I had ignored my younger brother most of

had ignored my younger brother most of

had ignored my younger brother most of his life so I just knew I was gonna have

his life so I just knew I was gonna have

his life so I just knew I was gonna have a girl I knew what to do well here comes

a girl I knew what to do well here comes

a girl I knew what to do well here comes my son on one of the hottest June days

my son on one of the hottest June days

my son on one of the hottest June days in history and I’m thinking at that time

in history and I’m thinking at that time

in history and I’m thinking at that time I don’t know nothing about raising a boy

I don’t know nothing about raising a boy

I don’t know nothing about raising a boy so there he is

so there he is

so there he is I’ve got a raisin and that’s what I

I’ve got a raisin and that’s what I

I’ve got a raisin and that’s what I start to do because a voice in my head

start to do because a voice in my head

start to do because a voice in my head said I guess today is the day you start

said I guess today is the day you start

said I guess today is the day you start so I started the second time my soul

so I started the second time my soul

so I started the second time my soul shifted was about 14 years later I was

shifted was about 14 years later I was

shifted was about 14 years later I was at the public defender’s office I was

at the public defender’s office I was

at the public defender’s office I was doing capital litigation major felonies

doing capital litigation major felonies

doing capital litigation major felonies and just between us I was really kind of

and just between us I was really kind of

and just between us I was really kind of full of myself at the time so a

full of myself at the time so a

full of myself at the time so a colleague came to me and said would you

colleague came to me and said would you

colleague came to me and said would you talk my client into accepting 40 years I

talk my client into accepting 40 years I

talk my client into accepting 40 years I said okay

said okay

said okay so I’m at the Criminal Courts Building

so I’m at the Criminal Courts Building

so I’m at the Criminal Courts Building I’m gonna go talk this guy into taking

I’m gonna go talk this guy into taking

I’m gonna go talk this guy into taking 40 years so the kid happened to be a

40 years so the kid happened to be a

40 years so the kid happened to be a juvenile and I couldn’t meet him in the

juvenile and I couldn’t meet him in the

juvenile and I couldn’t meet him in the back because they have to be interviewed

back because they have to be interviewed

back because they have to be interviewed separately from the adults there’s this

separately from the adults there’s this

separately from the adults there’s this big wooden door and at the top of the

big wooden door and at the top of the

big wooden door and at the top of the door is a glass window I can’t see

door is a glass window I can’t see

door is a glass window I can’t see inside he can’t see outside and then the

inside he can’t see outside and then the

inside he can’t see outside and then the door opens and that was the second time

door opens and that was the second time

door opens and that was the second time that my soul shifted I was looking at a

that my soul shifted I was looking at a

that my soul shifted I was looking at a 14 year old boy and suffice it to say I

14 year old boy and suffice it to say I

14 year old boy and suffice it to say I did not talk him into taking 40 years

did not talk him into taking 40 years

did not talk him into taking 40 years the good news what saved me was that I

the good news what saved me was that I

the good news what saved me was that I didn’t even try what I did do was I went

didn’t even try what I did do was I went

didn’t even try what I did do was I went back and I talked to the judge and the

back and I talked to the judge and the

back and I talked to the judge and the state’s attorney and my colleague and I

state’s attorney and my colleague and I

state’s attorney and my colleague and I convinced them to reduce it to 25 the

convinced them to reduce it to 25 the

convinced them to reduce it to 25 the kid took the 25

kid took the 25

kid took the 25 he served 13 years in prison so the

he served 13 years in prison so the

he served 13 years in prison so the thought that consumed me when I looked

thought that consumed me when I looked

thought that consumed me when I looked at this kid and talked to him was he

at this kid and talked to him was he

at this kid and talked to him was he could be my child he could be my child

could be my child he could be my child

could be my child he could be my child and that thought has stayed with me for

and that thought has stayed with me for

and that thought has stayed with me for the past over 20 years it is what has

the past over 20 years it is what has

the past over 20 years it is what has informed my work at the Mandel legal aid

informed my work at the Mandel legal aid

informed my work at the Mandel legal aid clinic and my clients come from all

clinic and my clients come from all

clinic and my clients come from all different sorts of places and things but

different sorts of places and things but

different sorts of places and things but the one thing that my clients have in

the one thing that my clients have in

the one thing that my clients have in common is that they don’t know what to

common is that they don’t know what to

common is that they don’t know what to make of a criminal defense lawyer it’s

make of a criminal defense lawyer it’s

make of a criminal defense lawyer it’s not a relationship that they have a

not a relationship that they have a

not a relationship that they have a context for I’m not their teacher I’m

context for I’m not their teacher I’m

context for I’m not their teacher I’m not their parent I’m not their

not their parent I’m not their

not their parent I’m not their caseworker so what do I become

caseworker so what do I become

caseworker so what do I become to my clients and what I’ve become over

to my clients and what I’ve become over

to my clients and what I’ve become over the years is a term that my coworker

the years is a term that my coworker

the years is a term that my coworker michelle gellar

michelle gellar

michelle gellar who is an extraordinary social worker

who is an extraordinary social worker

who is an extraordinary social worker and i have come up with i become their

and i have come up with i become their

and i have come up with i become their mother-in-law and what that means is

mother-in-law and what that means is

mother-in-law and what that means is that with successful relationships with

that with successful relationships with

that with successful relationships with my client they come to know me an auntie

my client they come to know me an auntie

my client they come to know me an auntie in law michelle as the people who will

in law michelle as the people who will

in law michelle as the people who will stand up for them no matter where we are

stand up for them no matter where we are

stand up for them no matter where we are who will advocate for them in a

who will advocate for them in a

who will advocate for them in a courtroom and also in the principal’s

courtroom and also in the principal’s

courtroom and also in the principal’s office or in a staffing they come to

office or in a staffing they come to

office or in a staffing they come to know us as people who will show up and

know us as people who will show up and

know us as people who will show up and tell the judge and anybody else the good

tell the judge and anybody else the good

tell the judge and anybody else the good things about them the potential that

things about them the potential that

things about them the potential that they have they come to believe that we

they have they come to believe that we

they have they come to believe that we will say to people when they ask us how

will say to people when they ask us how

will say to people when they ask us how many chances are we supposed to give

many chances are we supposed to give

many chances are we supposed to give them attorney Conyers that we will

them attorney Conyers that we will

them attorney Conyers that we will answer as many as he needs as many as he

answer as many as he needs as many as he

answer as many as he needs as many as he needs and so what my kids come to think

needs and so what my kids come to think

needs and so what my kids come to think of us as is a family part of the family

of us as is a family part of the family

of us as is a family part of the family kids respond to relationships

kids respond to relationships

kids respond to relationships the surliest kid on the planet want

the surliest kid on the planet want

the surliest kid on the planet want someone to take care of him so on behalf

someone to take care of him so on behalf

someone to take care of him so on behalf of my kids let me say this I don’t think

of my kids let me say this I don’t think

of my kids let me say this I don’t think we like children not really we like

we like children not really we like

we like children not really we like childhood we don’t like kids why if we

childhood we don’t like kids why if we

childhood we don’t like kids why if we did why would we abuse and neglect them

did why would we abuse and neglect them

did why would we abuse and neglect them fail to nurture them set horrible

fail to nurture them set horrible

fail to nurture them set horrible examples for them and then punish them

examples for them and then punish them

examples for them and then punish them so harshly when they give back what we

so harshly when they give back what we

so harshly when they give back what we have given them

have given them

have given them we don’t like them instead we have this

we don’t like them instead we have this

we don’t like them instead we have this myth of childhood where a childhood is a

myth of childhood where a childhood is a

myth of childhood where a childhood is a wonderful time of innocence where kids

wonderful time of innocence where kids

wonderful time of innocence where kids see all the wonders of the world and all

see all the wonders of the world and all

see all the wonders of the world and all the endless possibilities open to them

the endless possibilities open to them

the endless possibilities open to them next to that myth we juxtapose an even

next to that myth we juxtapose an even

next to that myth we juxtapose an even more sinister and deadly myth and that

more sinister and deadly myth and that

more sinister and deadly myth and that is the myth that brown and black

is the myth that brown and black

is the myth that brown and black children lose their innocence and their

children lose their innocence and their

children lose their innocence and their childhood earlier than their white

childhood earlier than their white

childhood earlier than their white counterparts so what does that mean what

counterparts so what does that mean what

counterparts so what does that mean what it means is that we have got to start

it means is that we have got to start

it means is that we have got to start thinking about what childhood is

thinking about what childhood is

thinking about what childhood is especially in terms of punishment and a

especially in terms of punishment and a

especially in terms of punishment and a justice system most kids lead the lives

justice system most kids lead the lives

justice system most kids lead the lives their parents lead by the time my kids

their parents lead by the time my kids

their parents lead by the time my kids walk into a courtroom they have lived

walk into a courtroom they have lived

walk into a courtroom they have lived lives of poverty violence trauma

lives of poverty violence trauma

lives of poverty violence trauma addiction disillusionment and injustice

addiction disillusionment and injustice

addiction disillusionment and injustice and some of them have yet to turn 14

and some of them have yet to turn 14

and some of them have yet to turn 14 when I first start defending them so in

when I first start defending them so in

when I first start defending them so in examples when somebody says to me that a

examples when somebody says to me that a

examples when somebody says to me that a ten-year-old boy is street smart it

ten-year-old boy is street smart it

ten-year-old boy is street smart it breaks my heart

breaks my heart

breaks my heart if the ten-year-old can maneuver the

if the ten-year-old can maneuver the

if the ten-year-old can maneuver the streets by himself and out with adults

streets by himself and out with adults

streets by himself and out with adults I see neglect and need that’s what I see

I see neglect and need that’s what I see

I see neglect and need that’s what I see not street smarts when someone describes

not street smarts when someone describes

not street smarts when someone describes a twelve-year-old girl as fast or loose

a twelve-year-old girl as fast or loose

a twelve-year-old girl as fast or loose or whatever the more modern pejorative

or whatever the more modern pejorative

or whatever the more modern pejorative is I want to rant at

is I want to rant at

is I want to rant at if anything by any sane standard

if anything by any sane standard

if anything by any sane standard she has been unprotected and abused when

she has been unprotected and abused when

she has been unprotected and abused when somebody tells me that a twelve-year-old

somebody tells me that a twelve-year-old

somebody tells me that a twelve-year-old boy is the man of the house my blood

boy is the man of the house my blood

boy is the man of the house my blood boils if he’s taking care of the house

boils if he’s taking care of the house

boils if he’s taking care of the house who is taking care of him we’ve got this

who is taking care of him we’ve got this

who is taking care of him we’ve got this wrong and but we can change it that’s

wrong and but we can change it that’s

wrong and but we can change it that’s the good news

the good news

the good news so the other thing I want to let you

so the other thing I want to let you

so the other thing I want to let you know about my children in law is that

know about my children in law is that

know about my children in law is that the vast majority of them

the vast majority of them

the vast majority of them seriously the vast majority of them go

seriously the vast majority of them go

seriously the vast majority of them go on to be productive law-abiding citizens

on to be productive law-abiding citizens

on to be productive law-abiding citizens and parents they do thank you for the

and parents they do thank you for the

and parents they do thank you for the same in somebody that knows kids

same in somebody that knows kids

same in somebody that knows kids sometimes I think they do that despite

sometimes I think they do that despite

sometimes I think they do that despite us not because of us because our system

us not because of us because our system

us not because of us because our system does not help them along that way but

does not help them along that way but

does not help them along that way but they do they become productive citizens

they do they become productive citizens

they do they become productive citizens they become compassionate caring human

they become compassionate caring human

they become compassionate caring human beings years after I’ve represented kids

beings years after I’ve represented kids

beings years after I’ve represented kids we at the Mandel legal aid clinic we get

we at the Mandel legal aid clinic we get

we at the Mandel legal aid clinic we get Father’s Day wishes and Mother’s Day

Father’s Day wishes and Mother’s Day

Father’s Day wishes and Mother’s Day cards and pictures of babies and I have

cards and pictures of babies and I have

cards and pictures of babies and I have attended sports events school events

attended sports events school events

attended sports events school events baby showers high school and college

baby showers high school and college

baby showers high school and college graduations all my children in law and

graduations all my children in law and

graduations all my children in law and yes I have attended funerals but they

yes I have attended funerals but they

yes I have attended funerals but they become just like the rest of us I laugh

become just like the rest of us I laugh

become just like the rest of us I laugh in their faces sometimes I’ve got one

in their faces sometimes I’ve got one

in their faces sometimes I’ve got one child I want one girl in law she was 15

child I want one girl in law she was 15

child I want one girl in law she was 15 when I met her she’s going on 35 she’s

when I met her she’s going on 35 she’s

when I met her she’s going on 35 she’s complaining about the kids these days

complaining about the kids these days

complaining about the kids these days their lack of respect what’s the world

their lack of respect what’s the world

their lack of respect what’s the world – and I just have to laugh in her face

– and I just have to laugh in her face

– and I just have to laugh in her face literally she was charged with attempt

literally she was charged with attempt

literally she was charged with attempt murder and it’s like the world will go

murder and it’s like the world will go

murder and it’s like the world will go on okay so the other thing is that these

on okay so the other thing is that these

on okay so the other thing is that these kids if we can see them as I have come

kids if we can see them as I have come

kids if we can see them as I have come to see them over the years will not

to see them over the years will not

to see them over the years will not disappoint so on behalf of my kids all

disappoint so on behalf of my kids all

disappoint so on behalf of my kids all my kids I would like to ask you to make

my kids I would like to ask you to make

my kids I would like to ask you to make today the day you start that’s my son

today the day you start that’s my son

today the day you start that’s my son that’s my first soul ships okay that’s

that’s my first soul ships okay that’s

that’s my first soul ships okay that’s my son-in-law that’s my second song

my son-in-law that’s my second song

my son-in-law that’s my second song shift today I knew them as boys today

shift today I knew them as boys today

shift today I knew them as boys today they are both compassionate productive

they are both compassionate productive

they are both compassionate productive caring competent men so today should be

caring competent men so today should be

caring competent men so today should be the day that we all hope that we can

the day that we all hope that we can

the day that we all hope that we can look at any child and say that could be

look at any child and say that could be

look at any child and say that could be my child

my child

my child pick one anyone thank you

pick one anyone thank you

pick one anyone thank you [Applause]