[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] when I was a little girl I used to have
when I was a little girl I used to have
when I was a little girl I used to have to go to speech class it wasn’t because
to go to speech class it wasn’t because
to go to speech class it wasn’t because I wasn’t articulate or couldn’t
I wasn’t articulate or couldn’t
I wasn’t articulate or couldn’t pronounce my words but I never wanted to
pronounce my words but I never wanted to
pronounce my words but I never wanted to talk to my peers I was a creepy little
talk to my peers I was a creepy little
talk to my peers I was a creepy little girl in the play house with imaginary
girl in the play house with imaginary
girl in the play house with imaginary friends well my mom says it wasn’t
friends well my mom says it wasn’t
friends well my mom says it wasn’t always this way she says I used to
always this way she says I used to
always this way she says I used to inquire about space in American laws and
inquire about space in American laws and
inquire about space in American laws and what I could be when I grew up she said
what I could be when I grew up she said
what I could be when I grew up she said I was also a really rebellious child I
I was also a really rebellious child I
I was also a really rebellious child I would always tell the teacher in these
would always tell the teacher in these
would always tell the teacher in these dreaded words but why my teacher would
dreaded words but why my teacher would
dreaded words but why my teacher would give me a timeout or she would tell me
give me a timeout or she would tell me
give me a timeout or she would tell me to sit down and I would ask but why she
to sit down and I would ask but why she
to sit down and I would ask but why she said no there’s no buts in this
said no there’s no buts in this
said no there’s no buts in this classroom and I say okay if I went out
classroom and I say okay if I went out
classroom and I say okay if I went out in the mists of their anger grown-ups
in the mists of their anger grown-ups
in the mists of their anger grown-ups often turned to me and told me to stop
often turned to me and told me to stop
often turned to me and told me to stop or tell me I’m annoying or tell me to go
or tell me I’m annoying or tell me to go
or tell me I’m annoying or tell me to go away but it was never their reaction
away but it was never their reaction
away but it was never their reaction that shaped me as a person what changed
that shaped me as a person what changed
that shaped me as a person what changed me what caused me to be a more timid
me what caused me to be a more timid
me what caused me to be a more timid child in the early years of my
child in the early years of my
child in the early years of my elementary life was the fact that they
elementary life was the fact that they
elementary life was the fact that they rejected me author and dr. Glenn Kasten
rejected me author and dr. Glenn Kasten
rejected me author and dr. Glenn Kasten said that the thing that we fear more
said that the thing that we fear more
said that the thing that we fear more than death is rejection he relates
than death is rejection he relates
than death is rejection he relates rejection to ostracism in the animal
rejection to ostracism in the animal
rejection to ostracism in the animal world where an animal is excommunicated
world where an animal is excommunicated
world where an animal is excommunicated from his family or group facing a social
from his family or group facing a social
from his family or group facing a social death the animal is singled out and left
death the animal is singled out and left
death the animal is singled out and left alone to defend himself and he later
alone to defend himself and he later
alone to defend himself and he later sooner or later faces a literal death as
sooner or later faces a literal death as
sooner or later faces a literal death as well so in an evolutionary sense the
well so in an evolutionary sense the
well so in an evolutionary sense the fear is reasonable and humans from the
fear is reasonable and humans from the
fear is reasonable and humans from the moment we’re born creative social
moment we’re born creative social
moment we’re born creative social interaction we want to find the comfort
interaction we want to find the comfort
interaction we want to find the comfort we fawn to find stability and comfort in
we fawn to find stability and comfort in
we fawn to find stability and comfort in groups and family so imagine yourself as
groups and family so imagine yourself as
groups and family so imagine yourself as a baby if you were a baby you need
a baby if you were a baby you need
a baby if you were a baby you need someone to take care of you
someone to take care of you
someone to take care of you and shape your change of clothes future
and shape your change of clothes future
and shape your change of clothes future diaper feed you but what happens if
diaper feed you but what happens if
diaper feed you but what happens if you’ve been rejected if you’ve been left
you’ve been rejected if you’ve been left
you’ve been rejected if you’ve been left alone left alone long enough you’ll
alone left alone long enough you’ll
alone left alone long enough you’ll surely die and at the primal level this
surely die and at the primal level this
surely die and at the primal level this fear is so great not because we’re
fear is so great not because we’re
fear is so great not because we’re merely ashamed of being embarrassed or
merely ashamed of being embarrassed or
merely ashamed of being embarrassed or judged but because we’re scared that
judged but because we’re scared that
judged but because we’re scared that we’ll be abandoned but no matter how
we’ll be abandoned but no matter how
we’ll be abandoned but no matter how hard you try virtually everyone in this
hard you try virtually everyone in this
hard you try virtually everyone in this world will be rejected at one point or
world will be rejected at one point or
world will be rejected at one point or another when I asked with you of my
another when I asked with you of my
another when I asked with you of my friends what is your most shameful
friends what is your most shameful
friends what is your most shameful I asked for through my friends what are
I asked for through my friends what are
I asked for through my friends what are you embarrassed about I asked him for a
you embarrassed about I asked him for a
you embarrassed about I asked him for a moment and all 50 of them could recount
moment and all 50 of them could recount
moment and all 50 of them could recount an experience out of those 50 49 of them
an experience out of those 50 49 of them
an experience out of those 50 49 of them said that they remember the position
said that they remember the position
said that they remember the position they were in they remember the color of
they were in they remember the color of
they were in they remember the color of the room
the room
the room they remember the feeling that they had
they remember the feeling that they had
they remember the feeling that they had when they were shunned excluded
when they were shunned excluded
when they were shunned excluded rejection rejected there’s a test to the
rejection rejected there’s a test to the
rejection rejected there’s a test to the fact that when you recount these
fact that when you recount these
fact that when you recount these negative experiences you’re reliving
negative experiences you’re reliving
negative experiences you’re reliving pain and in fact humans relive social
pain and in fact humans relive social
pain and in fact humans relive social pain much more vividly than physical
pain much more vividly than physical
pain much more vividly than physical pain however George banana clinical
pain however George banana clinical
pain however George banana clinical psychologists at Columbia University
psychologists at Columbia University
psychologists at Columbia University says that prospective data doesn’t
says that prospective data doesn’t
says that prospective data doesn’t determine future progress he says that
determine future progress he says that
determine future progress he says that it’s only determinant if there’s a
it’s only determinant if there’s a
it’s only determinant if there’s a negative response in other words whether
negative response in other words whether
negative response in other words whether you’re aggrieved by a physical or
you’re aggrieved by a physical or
you’re aggrieved by a physical or emotional event your features not damned
emotional event your features not damned
emotional event your features not damned but the processing the event whether
but the processing the event whether
but the processing the event whether it’s glanced over are treated as a
it’s glanced over are treated as a
it’s glanced over are treated as a traumatic event that’s important the
traumatic event that’s important the
traumatic event that’s important the first time I was rejected from anything
first time I was rejected from anything
first time I was rejected from anything ever wasn’t a social example like my
ever wasn’t a social example like my
ever wasn’t a social example like my previous examples
previous examples
previous examples it was my citizenship paired with
it was my citizenship paired with
it was my citizenship paired with low-income my family was barred from a
low-income my family was barred from a
low-income my family was barred from a lot of things and on top of that I had
lot of things and on top of that I had
lot of things and on top of that I had to face a social worker for a child
to face a social worker for a child
to face a social worker for a child abuse case my own child abuse case when
abuse case my own child abuse case when
abuse case my own child abuse case when I was younger I didn’t have the greatest
I was younger I didn’t have the greatest
I was younger I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my parents I was
relationship with my parents I was
relationship with my parents I was scared of them when they would lock me
scared of them when they would lock me
scared of them when they would lock me away or push me away I was frightened
away or push me away I was frightened
away or push me away I was frightened and I felt rejected I thought that I
and I felt rejected I thought that I
and I felt rejected I thought that I could ignore this rejection that I would
could ignore this rejection that I would
could ignore this rejection that I would never confront me in life but it
never confront me in life but it
never confront me in life but it materialized I had to face it in the
materialized I had to face it in the
materialized I had to face it in the real life flesh when I had to talk to my
real life flesh when I had to talk to my
real life flesh when I had to talk to my social worker I had to face it in the
social worker I had to face it in the
social worker I had to face it in the real life flesh when they asked me real
real life flesh when they asked me real
real life flesh when they asked me real life questions like do you feel safe in
life questions like do you feel safe in
life questions like do you feel safe in this home are you am I gonna go to a
this home are you am I gonna go to a
this home are you am I gonna go to a foster home what was my future looking
foster home what was my future looking
foster home what was my future looking like I was rejected rejected not on only
like I was rejected rejected not on only
like I was rejected rejected not on only on a personal level but also on a
on a personal level but also on a
on a personal level but also on a national governmental level I was an
national governmental level I was an
national governmental level I was an undocumented immigrant my family had
undocumented immigrant my family had
undocumented immigrant my family had applied for citizenship and was denied
applied for citizenship and was denied
applied for citizenship and was denied the fear that we would be caught that we
the fear that we would be caught that we
the fear that we would be caught that we would be deported and sent away it was
would be deported and sent away it was
would be deported and sent away it was so great that my father
so great that my father
so great that my father he set himself back to Indonesia and to
he set himself back to Indonesia and to
he set himself back to Indonesia and to this day we’re still separated by an
this day we’re still separated by an
this day we’re still separated by an ocean so I had family problems I had
ocean so I had family problems I had
ocean so I had family problems I had undocumented the question wasn’t who was
undocumented the question wasn’t who was
undocumented the question wasn’t who was gonna reject me the question wasn’t why
gonna reject me the question wasn’t why
gonna reject me the question wasn’t why no was I going to get rejected the
no was I going to get rejected the
no was I going to get rejected the question was who was going to accept me
question was who was going to accept me
question was who was going to accept me now but my biggest problem with this
now but my biggest problem with this
now but my biggest problem with this isn’t that I took it all harshly it’s
isn’t that I took it all harshly it’s
isn’t that I took it all harshly it’s because I took it all so personally if
because I took it all so personally if
because I took it all so personally if someone had told me that in a couple of
someone had told me that in a couple of
someone had told me that in a couple of years that I would receive deferred
years that I would receive deferred
years that I would receive deferred action in terms of my immigration that I
action in terms of my immigration that I
action in terms of my immigration that I would be able to go to school legally
would be able to go to school legally
would be able to go to school legally and succeed if someone had told me that
and succeed if someone had told me that
and succeed if someone had told me that I will feel so adored with my parents in
I will feel so adored with my parents in
I will feel so adored with my parents in a couple of years that we would be able
a couple of years that we would be able
a couple of years that we would be able to rebuild our relationship that my mom
to rebuild our relationship that my mom
to rebuild our relationship that my mom would say I love you every time she
would say I love you every time she
would say I love you every time she drops me her to school she does if
drops me her to school she does if
drops me her to school she does if someone had told me that I would not
someone had told me that I would not
someone had told me that I would not only move forward but find blessings in
only move forward but find blessings in
only move forward but find blessings in my future then maybe I wouldn’t have
my future then maybe I wouldn’t have
my future then maybe I wouldn’t have been so scared of rejection and its
been so scared of rejection and its
been so scared of rejection and its results in the past the thing that we
results in the past the thing that we
results in the past the thing that we fear more than death you can tackle it
fear more than death you can tackle it
fear more than death you can tackle it first you have to tackle your dissonance
first you have to tackle your dissonance
first you have to tackle your dissonance the back and forth should I do it should
the back and forth should I do it should
the back and forth should I do it should I go for it should I not you have to do
I go for it should I not you have to do
I go for it should I not you have to do it because though inevitable rejection
it because though inevitable rejection
it because though inevitable rejection is never personal when you are rejected
is never personal when you are rejected
is never personal when you are rejected most of the time it’s just because you
most of the time it’s just because you
most of the time it’s just because you don’t fit the other person’s needs
don’t fit the other person’s needs
don’t fit the other person’s needs whether it be a friend an employer’s a
whether it be a friend an employer’s a
whether it be a friend an employer’s a significant others rejection though
significant others rejection though
significant others rejection though inevitable never determines future
inevitable never determines future
inevitable never determines future progress in fact you can look at your
progress in fact you can look at your
progress in fact you can look at your rejections in a way where you can find
rejections in a way where you can find
rejections in a way where you can find yourself outwardly expressing yourself
yourself outwardly expressing yourself
yourself outwardly expressing yourself in the moments of rejection you can find
in the moments of rejection you can find
in the moments of rejection you can find yourself and improve on from that point
yourself and improve on from that point
yourself and improve on from that point forward so maybe a rejection isn’t
forward so maybe a rejection isn’t
forward so maybe a rejection isn’t something that limits you at all maybe
something that limits you at all maybe
something that limits you at all maybe it makes you better
it makes you better
it makes you better there was a quote by CS Lewis he says if
there was a quote by CS Lewis he says if
there was a quote by CS Lewis he says if you want to get warm
you want to get warm
you want to get warm you must go near a fire if you want to
you must go near a fire if you want to
you must go near a fire if you want to be wet you must get into the water if
be wet you must get into the water if
be wet you must get into the water if you want love joy power peace it’s her
you want love joy power peace it’s her
you want love joy power peace it’s her new life you must get into you must get
new life you must get into you must get
new life you must get into you must get near or even into the thing that has
near or even into the thing that has
near or even into the thing that has them so in the end the thing that we
them so in the end the thing that we
them so in the end the thing that we fear more than death is nothing to fear
fear more than death is nothing to fear
fear more than death is nothing to fear at all rejection the
at all rejection the
at all rejection the thing that we fear more than death may
thing that we fear more than death may
thing that we fear more than death may just be something we need to encounter
just be something we need to encounter
just be something we need to encounter in order to truly live thank you
”
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