okay so I thought we’d start with a quick view of the history of sex in one
quick view of the history of sex in one
quick view of the history of sex in one slide and this is it boy meets girl girl
slide and this is it boy meets girl girl
slide and this is it boy meets girl girl meets boy something’s gonna happen and
meets boy something’s gonna happen and
meets boy something’s gonna happen and the other bit about the whole history of
the other bit about the whole history of
the other bit about the whole history of sex when I really want to be talking
sex when I really want to be talking
sex when I really want to be talking about the recent history of sex but the
about the recent history of sex but the
about the recent history of sex but the whole thing about the whole history of
whole thing about the whole history of
whole thing about the whole history of sex is that fundamentally men want to
sex is that fundamentally men want to
sex is that fundamentally men want to want and women want to be wanted and
want and women want to be wanted and
want and women want to be wanted and that is the basis of our biology of
that is the basis of our biology of
that is the basis of our biology of course sometimes men want to be wanted
course sometimes men want to be wanted
course sometimes men want to be wanted and women can want to want but
and women can want to want but
and women can want to want but fundamentally the difference between us
fundamentally the difference between us
fundamentally the difference between us which is deeply rooted in our
which is deeply rooted in our
which is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history and in our biology
evolutionary history and in our biology
evolutionary history and in our biology is that men are the ones who do the
is that men are the ones who do the
is that men are the ones who do the pushing but women have the power women
pushing but women have the power women
pushing but women have the power women in the end have the capacity to say yes
in the end have the capacity to say yes
in the end have the capacity to say yes or no which is very scary for men well
or no which is very scary for men well
or no which is very scary for men well we know we’re on to a good thing when
we know we’re on to a good thing when
we know we’re on to a good thing when the Economist has sex on its front page
the Economist has sex on its front page
the Economist has sex on its front page it doesn’t do this very often on its
it doesn’t do this very often on its
it doesn’t do this very often on its title page but they were really talking
title page but they were really talking
title page but they were really talking about reproduction there’s another very
about reproduction there’s another very
about reproduction there’s another very ancient magazine in London published out
ancient magazine in London published out
ancient magazine in London published out of London called Spectator it’s been in
of London called Spectator it’s been in
of London called Spectator it’s been in continuous publication for more than 250
continuous publication for more than 250
continuous publication for more than 250 years and it had this lovely bottom
years and it had this lovely bottom
years and it had this lovely bottom title on very recently which says men
title on very recently which says men
title on very recently which says men why men should watch girls girls is a
why men should watch girls girls is a
why men should watch girls girls is a television program but it’s interesting
television program but it’s interesting
television program but it’s interesting that both these publications are talking
that both these publications are talking
that both these publications are talking in some ways about things sexual in
in some ways about things sexual in
in some ways about things sexual in order to improve circulation now the
order to improve circulation now the
order to improve circulation now the fascinating thing is that it is
fascinating thing is that it is
fascinating thing is that it is circulation which creates sex and come
circulation which creates sex and come
circulation which creates sex and come on to that later but here we are
on to that later but here we are
on to that later but here we are typically boy and a girl men and a woman
typically boy and a girl men and a woman
typically boy and a girl men and a woman are getting together if you think about
are getting together if you think about
are getting together if you think about it in the process of giving her body to
it in the process of giving her body to
it in the process of giving her body to a man and letting a man penetrate her a
a man and letting a man penetrate her a
a man and letting a man penetrate her a woman puts her life
woman puts her life
woman puts her life risk it’s not amazing she might become
risk it’s not amazing she might become
risk it’s not amazing she might become pregnant and until recently across the
pregnant and until recently across the
pregnant and until recently across the whole of the world and very recently in
whole of the world and very recently in
whole of the world and very recently in the developed world the possibility of
the developed world the possibility of
the developed world the possibility of death has been reduced somewhat quite
death has been reduced somewhat quite
death has been reduced somewhat quite considerably but it still exists and
considerably but it still exists and
considerably but it still exists and even if there is no death but there is
even if there is no death but there is
even if there is no death but there is the creating of life and there is a
the creating of life and there is a
the creating of life and there is a pregnancy that comes happily to term the
pregnancy that comes happily to term the
pregnancy that comes happily to term the woman changes her life in all kinds of
woman changes her life in all kinds of
woman changes her life in all kinds of ways in the act of making love that’s
ways in the act of making love that’s
ways in the act of making love that’s not true for me that’s not true for men
not true for me that’s not true for men
not true for me that’s not true for men 20 seconds if they’re lucky
but in 1961 we had this remarkable
but in 1961 we had this remarkable availability for the first time ever in
availability for the first time ever in
availability for the first time ever in the history of the world of the
the history of the world of the
the history of the world of the contraceptive pill now we could control
contraceptive pill now we could control
contraceptive pill now we could control the beginnings of life for the first
the beginnings of life for the first
the beginnings of life for the first time ever and you here are the
time ever and you here are the
time ever and you here are the inheritors of that experience it is
inheritors of that experience it is
inheritors of that experience it is remarkable that we can actually begin to
remarkable that we can actually begin to
remarkable that we can actually begin to think about our bodies as potentially
think about our bodies as potentially
think about our bodies as potentially sources of pleasure not just as
sources of pleasure not just as
sources of pleasure not just as reproductive processes because if we
reproductive processes because if we
reproductive processes because if we look at the history of understanding
look at the history of understanding
look at the history of understanding about sex we can see that for hundreds
about sex we can see that for hundreds
about sex we can see that for hundreds and hundreds of years before 1935
and hundreds of years before 1935
and hundreds of years before 1935 hundreds and hundreds of years
hundreds and hundreds of years
hundreds and hundreds of years the general view about sex was that it
the general view about sex was that it
the general view about sex was that it was for reproduction that was the
was for reproduction that was the
was for reproduction that was the primary task of men and women as of all
primary task of men and women as of all
primary task of men and women as of all animals mammals and others in the human
animals mammals and others in the human
animals mammals and others in the human Kingdom in they in the zoological
Kingdom in they in the zoological
Kingdom in they in the zoological kingdom so there was a reproductive view
kingdom so there was a reproductive view
kingdom so there was a reproductive view of sex and then Hollywood by about 1935
of sex and then Hollywood by about 1935
of sex and then Hollywood by about 1935 had begun to convey through film that
had begun to convey through film that
had begun to convey through film that something else seemed to happen there
something else seemed to happen there
something else seemed to happen there was a thing called relationship and we
was a thing called relationship and we
was a thing called relationship and we began to get a relational view of sex of
began to get a relational view of sex of
began to get a relational view of sex of course Hollywood at that time couldn’t
course Hollywood at that time couldn’t
course Hollywood at that time couldn’t show anything sexual but there was an
show anything sexual but there was an
show anything sexual but there was an idea that the people wandered off into
idea that the people wandered off into
idea that the people wandered off into the sunset something was going to happen
the sunset something was going to happen
the sunset something was going to happen so there’s a relational view of sex but
so there’s a relational view of sex but
so there’s a relational view of sex but then in 1961 we get the pill the
then in 1961 we get the pill the
then in 1961 we get the pill the contraceptive pill across
contraceptive pill across
contraceptive pill across the developed world begins to make it
the developed world begins to make it
the developed world begins to make it possible for us to think about sexual
possible for us to think about sexual
possible for us to think about sexual function much more in terms of
function much more in terms of
function much more in terms of recreation so we get a reproductive than
recreation so we get a reproductive than
recreation so we get a reproductive than a short-lived rectory a relational view
a short-lived rectory a relational view
a short-lived rectory a relational view and then a recreational view and we’re
and then a recreational view and we’re
and then a recreational view and we’re now the generation that is struggling
now the generation that is struggling
now the generation that is struggling with the implications of that and he’s
with the implications of that and he’s
with the implications of that and he’s opening up the conversation about what
opening up the conversation about what
opening up the conversation about what place to sex having our lives and it’s
place to sex having our lives and it’s
place to sex having our lives and it’s opened up the conversation about the
opened up the conversation about the
opened up the conversation about the possibilities of homosexuality gay
possibilities of homosexuality gay
possibilities of homosexuality gay relationships transgender relationships
relationships transgender relationships
relationships transgender relationships things that to my parents generation
things that to my parents generation
things that to my parents generation would have been inconceivable that could
would have been inconceivable that could
would have been inconceivable that could have been topics of conversation
have been topics of conversation
have been topics of conversation the topic of sex has widened up very
the topic of sex has widened up very
the topic of sex has widened up very considerably but the real change happens
considerably but the real change happens
considerably but the real change happens in recent time when we found out how it
in recent time when we found out how it
in recent time when we found out how it worked in 1967 just fifty years ago half
worked in 1967 just fifty years ago half
worked in 1967 just fifty years ago half a century ago a couple in the states
a century ago a couple in the states
a century ago a couple in the states called Martin Johnson produced this
called Martin Johnson produced this
called Martin Johnson produced this remarkable book called human sexual
remarkable book called human sexual
remarkable book called human sexual response and for the first time
response and for the first time
response and for the first time another borrowed tree there had been a
another borrowed tree there had been a
another borrowed tree there had been a systematic inquiries into how does the
systematic inquiries into how does the
systematic inquiries into how does the body work sexually medicine didn’t know
body work sexually medicine didn’t know
body work sexually medicine didn’t know medicine was good on reproduction but
medicine was good on reproduction but
medicine was good on reproduction but anything to do with sex for medicine was
anything to do with sex for medicine was
anything to do with sex for medicine was kind of off caught that was a bit
kind of off caught that was a bit
kind of off caught that was a bit private you were not interested in what
private you were not interested in what
private you were not interested in what happened there you were only interesting
happened there you were only interesting
happened there you were only interesting when there was conception and so
when there was conception and so
when there was conception and so medicine physiology in general had very
medicine physiology in general had very
medicine physiology in general had very little actual working knowledge and I
little actual working knowledge and I
little actual working knowledge and I was a young clinical psychologist in
was a young clinical psychologist in
was a young clinical psychologist in 1961 before this book was published
1961 before this book was published
1961 before this book was published working in outpatient clinics dealing
working in outpatient clinics dealing
working in outpatient clinics dealing with sexual problems realizing that we
with sexual problems realizing that we
with sexual problems realizing that we were in fact completely ignorant all we
were in fact completely ignorant all we
were in fact completely ignorant all we had to go on as clinicians was our own
had to go on as clinicians was our own
had to go on as clinicians was our own private experience which actually isn’t
private experience which actually isn’t
private experience which actually isn’t much to go on professionally so there we
much to go on professionally so there we
much to go on professionally so there we were doing our best people coming with
were doing our best people coming with
were doing our best people coming with sexual problems and then Masters and
sexual problems and then Masters and
sexual problems and then Masters and Johnson published and began to tell us
Johnson published and began to tell us
Johnson published and began to tell us how the body works well this is where
how the body works well this is where
how the body works well this is where circulation comes back in because the
circulation comes back in because the
circulation comes back in because the most important thing is that
most important thing is that
most important thing is that when we begin to be interested in
when we begin to be interested in
when we begin to be interested in somebody sexually blood starts pumping
somebody sexually blood starts pumping
somebody sexually blood starts pumping around the body now it’s very obvious
around the body now it’s very obvious
around the body now it’s very obvious what happens in a man here is a man he’s
what happens in a man here is a man he’s
what happens in a man here is a man he’s got this all hanging out sexual
got this all hanging out sexual
got this all hanging out sexual apparatus it’s a bit like a hamburger
apparatus it’s a bit like a hamburger
apparatus it’s a bit like a hamburger store with neon lights on it you can
store with neon lights on it you can
store with neon lights on it you can just see it at a distance and if he gets
just see it at a distance and if he gets
just see it at a distance and if he gets sexually interested blood begins to flow
sexually interested blood begins to flow
sexually interested blood begins to flow it flows into the soft tissues of the
it flows into the soft tissues of the
it flows into the soft tissues of the penis
penis
penis here’s another diagram it flows into the
here’s another diagram it flows into the
here’s another diagram it flows into the soft tissues of the penis here and in a
soft tissues of the penis here and in a
soft tissues of the penis here and in a hydraulic fashion the penis will lift
hydraulic fashion the penis will lift
hydraulic fashion the penis will lift and become erect if it’s working
and become erect if it’s working
and become erect if it’s working properly
properly
properly of course sometimes it’s not and we’re
of course sometimes it’s not and we’re
of course sometimes it’s not and we’re going to come on the problems a bit
going to come on the problems a bit
going to come on the problems a bit later but it’s a simple process in which
later but it’s a simple process in which
later but it’s a simple process in which the man is effectively a delivery system
the man is effectively a delivery system
the man is effectively a delivery system for the sperm which are being
for the sperm which are being
for the sperm which are being manufactured here sent up through this
manufactured here sent up through this
manufactured here sent up through this tube stored a bit here and delivered out
tube stored a bit here and delivered out
tube stored a bit here and delivered out through here there’s some clever muscles
through here there’s some clever muscles
through here there’s some clever muscles which control whether he’s going to
which control whether he’s going to
which control whether he’s going to ejaculate or whether he’s going to pee
ejaculate or whether he’s going to pee
ejaculate or whether he’s going to pee but there we are the system is
but there we are the system is
but there we are the system is extraordinarily well designed and it
extraordinarily well designed and it
extraordinarily well designed and it manages that quite well but it’s the
manages that quite well but it’s the
manages that quite well but it’s the same it’s the same tube down which
same it’s the same tube down which
same it’s the same tube down which everything comes well it’s not so clear
everything comes well it’s not so clear
everything comes well it’s not so clear in women not so clear at all we can’t
in women not so clear at all we can’t
in women not so clear at all we can’t actually see very much if a man is like
actually see very much if a man is like
actually see very much if a man is like a hamburger stall a woman’s sexual
a hamburger stall a woman’s sexual
a hamburger stall a woman’s sexual apparatus is a bit like well there’s
apparatus is a bit like well there’s
apparatus is a bit like well there’s extraordinary exciting interesting but
extraordinary exciting interesting but
extraordinary exciting interesting but slightly scary small alleyways that one
slightly scary small alleyways that one
slightly scary small alleyways that one sees in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City
you’re not quite sure whether you ought
you’re not quite sure whether you ought to go in there you’re not sure what’s at
to go in there you’re not sure what’s at
to go in there you’re not sure what’s at the end of it when you get there I’m
the end of it when you get there I’m
the end of it when you get there I’m partly the dilemma for that is that that
partly the dilemma for that is that that
partly the dilemma for that is that that women are therefore left teaching men
women are therefore left teaching men
women are therefore left teaching men how it works but what marcin johnson
how it works but what marcin johnson
how it works but what marcin johnson discovered was the vast swathes of women
discovered was the vast swathes of women
discovered was the vast swathes of women don’t really know much about how it
don’t really know much about how it
don’t really know much about how it works only about a third of women in
works only about a third of women in
works only about a third of women in lots of surveys have ever reliably
lots of surveys have ever reliably
lots of surveys have ever reliably looked at their own external genitalia
looked at their own external genitalia
looked at their own external genitalia and many women many women are troubled
and many women many women are troubled
and many women many women are troubled that maybe their genital area it’s a bit
that maybe their genital area it’s a bit
that maybe their genital area it’s a bit unlike other people’s most women do not
unlike other people’s most women do not
unlike other people’s most women do not see another adult woman’s genitalia
see another adult woman’s genitalia
see another adult woman’s genitalia whereas men often see other men’s
whereas men often see other men’s
whereas men often see other men’s genitalia of course get very concerned
genitalia of course get very concerned
genitalia of course get very concerned about size so you leave to all men to
about size so you leave to all men to
about size so you leave to all men to find that the limp size bears almost no
find that the limp size bears almost no
find that the limp size bears almost no relation to the erect size but they
relation to the erect size but they
relation to the erect size but they don’t really believe that they always
don’t really believe that they always
don’t really believe that they always think it is anyway the problem for women
think it is anyway the problem for women
think it is anyway the problem for women and for men is how do we find out
and for men is how do we find out
and for men is how do we find out because if we look at this in a simple
because if we look at this in a simple
because if we look at this in a simple anatomical diagram we see that there’s a
anatomical diagram we see that there’s a
anatomical diagram we see that there’s a fleshy area of the lips here there’s a
fleshy area of the lips here there’s a
fleshy area of the lips here there’s a vaginal canal here but there’s an
vaginal canal here but there’s an
vaginal canal here but there’s an extraordinary organ called the clitoris
extraordinary organ called the clitoris
extraordinary organ called the clitoris now you may all know that we are
now you may all know that we are
now you may all know that we are conceived all of us as female for the
conceived all of us as female for the
conceived all of us as female for the first six or seven weeks of life we are
first six or seven weeks of life we are
first six or seven weeks of life we are all female and then if there happens to
all female and then if there happens to
all female and then if there happens to be a Y chromosome that’s been ejaculated
be a Y chromosome that’s been ejaculated
be a Y chromosome that’s been ejaculated in the hundred million sperms you know
in the hundred million sperms you know
in the hundred million sperms you know one ejaculation about a teaspoonful has
one ejaculation about a teaspoonful has
one ejaculation about a teaspoonful has a hundred million sperm in it and only
a hundred million sperm in it and only
a hundred million sperm in it and only one of them is going to fertilize an egg
one of them is going to fertilize an egg
one of them is going to fertilize an egg if there’s an egg waiting to be
if there’s an egg waiting to be
if there’s an egg waiting to be fertilized it’s been like the whole
fertilized it’s been like the whole
fertilized it’s been like the whole population of Vietnam standing on the
population of Vietnam standing on the
population of Vietnam standing on the end of her Kim Lake diving in at the
end of her Kim Lake diving in at the
end of her Kim Lake diving in at the same time and the one that wins gets to
same time and the one that wins gets to
same time and the one that wins gets to the far shore first that’s the prize
the far shore first that’s the prize
the far shore first that’s the prize unless of course three or four happened
unless of course three or four happened
unless of course three or four happened to get there at the same time and you
to get there at the same time and you
to get there at the same time and you get quads but that’s a different matter
get quads but that’s a different matter
get quads but that’s a different matter so how how are we going to find out well
so how how are we going to find out well
so how how are we going to find out well there is a lot of knowledge around
there is a lot of knowledge around
there is a lot of knowledge around because of masters and Johnson’s
because of masters and Johnson’s
because of masters and Johnson’s research work they had subjects lying in
research work they had subjects lying in
research work they had subjects lying in the laboratory masturbating to climax
the laboratory masturbating to climax
the laboratory masturbating to climax making love they were taking the best
making love they were taking the best
making love they were taking the best electrophysiological measures that were
electrophysiological measures that were
electrophysiological measures that were available at the time well the very
available at the time well the very
available at the time well the very clever things they did was to create a
clever things they did was to create a
clever things they did was to create a small camera device in a plastic tube
small camera device in a plastic tube
small camera device in a plastic tube which inserted into the vagina showed
which inserted into the vagina showed
which inserted into the vagina showed for the first time what lubrication was
for the first time what lubrication was
for the first time what lubrication was for lubrication in a woman beginning to
for lubrication in a woman beginning to
for lubrication in a woman beginning to get wet is exactly the same in terms of
get wet is exactly the same in terms of
get wet is exactly the same in terms of sexual arousal as the beginnings of a
sexual arousal as the beginnings of a
sexual arousal as the beginnings of a stiffening in the man the man beginning
stiffening in the man the man beginning
stiffening in the man the man beginning to feel the beginnings of an erection
to feel the beginnings of an erection
to feel the beginnings of an erection the equivalent is the woman is
the equivalent is the woman is
the equivalent is the woman is lubrication and the reason for both of
lubrication and the reason for both of
lubrication and the reason for both of them is blood pumping around the body so
them is blood pumping around the body so
them is blood pumping around the body so sexual interest begins to create blood
sexual interest begins to create blood
sexual interest begins to create blood flow and in the man it creates the
flow and in the man it creates the
flow and in the man it creates the hydraulic reaction which I’ve briefly
hydraulic reaction which I’ve briefly
hydraulic reaction which I’ve briefly described in the woman it creates what’s
described in the woman it creates what’s
described in the woman it creates what’s called a trans sudorific reaction it’s a
called a trans sudorific reaction it’s a
called a trans sudorific reaction it’s a kind of sweating reaction across the
kind of sweating reaction across the
kind of sweating reaction across the walls of the vagina as the tissue around
walls of the vagina as the tissue around
walls of the vagina as the tissue around the vagina fills with the flowing blood
the vagina fills with the flowing blood
the vagina fills with the flowing blood that is connected to sexual excitement a
that is connected to sexual excitement a
that is connected to sexual excitement a number of other things happen in the
number of other things happen in the
number of other things happen in the woman’s the the womb itself here the Oh
woman’s the the womb itself here the Oh
woman’s the the womb itself here the Oh begins to lift the vaginal canal itself
begins to lift the vaginal canal itself
begins to lift the vaginal canal itself begins to increase in width
begins to increase in width
begins to increase in width these lips here become filled with blood
these lips here become filled with blood
these lips here become filled with blood and open up and the clitoris becomes
and open up and the clitoris becomes
and open up and the clitoris becomes very sensitive now the clitoris
very sensitive now the clitoris
very sensitive now the clitoris anatomically starts if we all start as
anatomically starts if we all start as
anatomically starts if we all start as female the clitoris in the woman the
female the clitoris in the woman the
female the clitoris in the woman the embryo becomes the penis in the manner
embryo becomes the penis in the manner
embryo becomes the penis in the manner the men’s sexual excitement is entirely
the men’s sexual excitement is entirely
the men’s sexual excitement is entirely focused in the head of the penis that’s
focused in the head of the penis that’s
focused in the head of the penis that’s extremely sensible what the man wants is
extremely sensible what the man wants is
extremely sensible what the man wants is something warm soft and preferably wet
something warm soft and preferably wet
something warm soft and preferably wet that he can push against that’s what a
that he can push against that’s what a
that he can push against that’s what a man is after a woman is much more
man is after a woman is much more
man is after a woman is much more diffuse in her sexual responsiveness and
diffuse in her sexual responsiveness and
diffuse in her sexual responsiveness and the dilemma for a man in a sexual
the dilemma for a man in a sexual
the dilemma for a man in a sexual relationship with a woman wanting to
relationship with a woman wanting to
relationship with a woman wanting to arouse her one who could please so on
arouse her one who could please so on
arouse her one who could please so on to make love to her is that to
to make love to her is that to
to make love to her is that to finger-touch the sexual organs the lips
finger-touch the sexual organs the lips
finger-touch the sexual organs the lips around the vagina the clitoris itself
around the vagina the clitoris itself
around the vagina the clitoris itself are very difficult to distinguish what’s
are very difficult to distinguish what’s
are very difficult to distinguish what’s happening the man has no real signals
happening the man has no real signals
happening the man has no real signals and off the woman’s not quite sure what
and off the woman’s not quite sure what
and off the woman’s not quite sure what should be happening
should be happening
should be happening eventually with effective penetration or
eventually with effective penetration or
eventually with effective penetration or effective finger stimulation reactions
effective finger stimulation reactions
effective finger stimulation reactions start happening in the lower part of the
start happening in the lower part of the
start happening in the lower part of the vagina which are a pulsing orgasm and a
vagina which are a pulsing orgasm and a
vagina which are a pulsing orgasm and a man it’s an ejaculation but it is a
man it’s an ejaculation but it is a
man it’s an ejaculation but it is a remarkable process and one that perhaps
remarkable process and one that perhaps
remarkable process and one that perhaps the only way that we can find out about
the only way that we can find out about
the only way that we can find out about it is that we all fumble our way into it
it is that we all fumble our way into it
it is that we all fumble our way into it as we all did when we were teenagers or
as we all did when we were teenagers or
as we all did when we were teenagers or young adults
young adults
young adults it may be extraordinarily difficult to
it may be extraordinarily difficult to
it may be extraordinarily difficult to teach sex properly even though there’s a
teach sex properly even though there’s a
teach sex properly even though there’s a great cry in the West for teaching it
great cry in the West for teaching it
great cry in the West for teaching it properly and even though there’s quite
properly and even though there’s quite
properly and even though there’s quite rightly a huge concern about sexual
rightly a huge concern about sexual
rightly a huge concern about sexual aberrations and perversions like
aberrations and perversions like
aberrations and perversions like pedophilia actually teaching what his
pedophilia actually teaching what his
pedophilia actually teaching what his ordinary normal sex is such a private
ordinary normal sex is such a private
ordinary normal sex is such a private experience that it’s very difficult to
experience that it’s very difficult to
experience that it’s very difficult to know quite how it could be done we can
know quite how it could be done we can
know quite how it could be done we can teach the knowledge but the experience
teach the knowledge but the experience
teach the knowledge but the experience we’re better teaching teenagers to drive
we’re better teaching teenagers to drive
we’re better teaching teenagers to drive cars than we are about sex we have to
cars than we are about sex we have to
cars than we are about sex we have to find our way but the dilemma is that we
find our way but the dilemma is that we
find our way but the dilemma is that we may not find out very much we may not
may not find out very much we may not
may not find out very much we may not become skilled and one of the things
become skilled and one of the things
become skilled and one of the things that marcin Johnson taught us was that
that marcin Johnson taught us was that
that marcin Johnson taught us was that actually good sexual relationships
actually good sexual relationships
actually good sexual relationships depend upon good skills knowing how the
depend upon good skills knowing how the
depend upon good skills knowing how the body works being able to enjoy it
body works being able to enjoy it
body works being able to enjoy it feeling relaxed with it feeling it’s a
feeling relaxed with it feeling it’s a
feeling relaxed with it feeling it’s a source of pleasure and not feeling
source of pleasure and not feeling
source of pleasure and not feeling either frightened or that there’s an
either frightened or that there’s an
either frightened or that there’s an imbalance in the relationship because
imbalance in the relationship because
imbalance in the relationship because one of the extraordinary things is a
one of the extraordinary things is a
one of the extraordinary things is a woman does not have to be sexually
woman does not have to be sexually
woman does not have to be sexually interested in any way at all for a man
interested in any way at all for a man
interested in any way at all for a man to achieve penetration and to have a
to achieve penetration and to have a
to achieve penetration and to have a climax the man has to have a climax in
climax the man has to have a climax in
climax the man has to have a climax in order to be reproductive the woman does
order to be reproductive the woman does
order to be reproductive the woman does not well one of the things that we
not well one of the things that we
not well one of the things that we discover from us and Johnson is that sex
discover from us and Johnson is that sex
discover from us and Johnson is that sex tends to happen between two people for
tends to happen between two people for
tends to happen between two people for clinicians that was a remarkable
clinicians that was a remarkable
clinicians that was a remarkable discovery because clinically somebody
discovery because clinically somebody
discovery because clinically somebody came with the clinical problem we would
came with the clinical problem we would
came with the clinical problem we would see that individual with the problem
see that individual with the problem
see that individual with the problem Marcin Johnson hey it’s actually a
Marcin Johnson hey it’s actually a
Marcin Johnson hey it’s actually a relationship that’s here and sexual
relationship that’s here and sexual
relationship that’s here and sexual activity is part of the expression the
activity is part of the expression the
activity is part of the expression the sexual relationship and it is not much
sexual relationship and it is not much
sexual relationship and it is not much fun for a woman who’s been married 10
fun for a woman who’s been married 10
fun for a woman who’s been married 10 years maybe in a job may be tired there
years maybe in a job may be tired there
years maybe in a job may be tired there are two or three children a man goes out
are two or three children a man goes out
are two or three children a man goes out drinking on a Friday night comes home
drinking on a Friday night comes home
drinking on a Friday night comes home doesn’t wash very well it’s got a lot of
doesn’t wash very well it’s got a lot of
doesn’t wash very well it’s got a lot of beer on his breath
beer on his breath
beer on his breath and once a quick fuck that is not much
and once a quick fuck that is not much
and once a quick fuck that is not much fun for a woman Marcin young and
fun for a woman Marcin young and
fun for a woman Marcin young and teaching us and why should it be why
teaching us and why should it be why
teaching us and why should it be why should it be so the skill for a man is
should it be so the skill for a man is
should it be so the skill for a man is to learn how to please a woman but the
to learn how to please a woman but the
to learn how to please a woman but the skill for a woman is to find out how she
skill for a woman is to find out how she
skill for a woman is to find out how she wants to be pleased and if they can
wants to be pleased and if they can
wants to be pleased and if they can please each other there’s a giving
please each other there’s a giving
please each other there’s a giving process in which you get an enormous
process in which you get an enormous
process in which you get an enormous amount back so the giving to get was
amount back so the giving to get was
amount back so the giving to get was another principle that marcin Johnson
another principle that marcin Johnson
another principle that marcin Johnson taught us and so it’s blood pumping
taught us and so it’s blood pumping
taught us and so it’s blood pumping around the body and there are four
around the body and there are four
around the body and there are four stages of this sexual arousal process we
stages of this sexual arousal process we
stages of this sexual arousal process we can have desire we can have arousal we
can have desire we can have arousal we
can have desire we can have arousal we can then have orgasm and then we can
can then have orgasm and then we can
can then have orgasm and then we can have relief and we can have disorders of
have relief and we can have disorders of
have relief and we can have disorders of those two so here’s our couple and the
those two so here’s our couple and the
those two so here’s our couple and the fact is that sex is perfectly natural
fact is that sex is perfectly natural
fact is that sex is perfectly natural but it’s not always naturally perfect
but it’s not always naturally perfect
but it’s not always naturally perfect and so we get disorders which marcin
and so we get disorders which marcin
and so we get disorders which marcin Johnson talked about in their second
Johnson talked about in their second
Johnson talked about in their second book called human sexual inadequacy men
book called human sexual inadequacy men
book called human sexual inadequacy men don’t get erections properly the
don’t get erections properly the
don’t get erections properly the erection goes away the woman can’t get
erection goes away the woman can’t get
erection goes away the woman can’t get an orgasm neither of them are terribly
an orgasm neither of them are terribly
an orgasm neither of them are terribly interested one is over sex one is
interested one is over sex one is
interested one is over sex one is undersexed
undersexed
undersexed those kinds of problems but at last we
those kinds of problems but at last we
those kinds of problems but at last we have a method of approaching those
have a method of approaching those
have a method of approaching those problems sometimes with medication but
problems sometimes with medication but
problems sometimes with medication but rarely with medication mostly it’s about
rarely with medication mostly it’s about
rarely with medication mostly it’s about the nature skill so I want to leave you
the nature skill so I want to leave you
the nature skill so I want to leave you with the thought that what good sex is
with the thought that what good sex is
with the thought that what good sex is about is enjoying each other
about is enjoying each other
about is enjoying each other we have all the equipment that we need
we have all the equipment that we need
we have all the equipment that we need in order to do that we may not have
in order to do that we may not have
in order to do that we may not have learned to use it as well as we could it
learned to use it as well as we could it
learned to use it as well as we could it takes time but it’s fun thank you
takes time but it’s fun thank you
takes time but it’s fun thank you [Applause]
”
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