by a show of hands how many of you know a male that is struggling with
a male that is struggling with
a male that is struggling with infertility okay and by a show of hands
infertility okay and by a show of hands
infertility okay and by a show of hands how many of you know female that is
how many of you know female that is
how many of you know female that is struggling with infertility okay it’s
struggling with infertility okay it’s
struggling with infertility okay it’s not surprising that more of you know a
not surprising that more of you know a
not surprising that more of you know a female than a male who is struggling why
female than a male who is struggling why
female than a male who is struggling why because and I know this is gonna be an
because and I know this is gonna be an
because and I know this is gonna be an absolutely shocking revelation men don’t
absolutely shocking revelation men don’t
absolutely shocking revelation men don’t talk about infertility in 2007 after
talk about infertility in 2007 after
talk about infertility in 2007 after dating for five years and being engaged
dating for five years and being engaged
dating for five years and being engaged for 19 months which was 19 months too
for 19 months which was 19 months too
for 19 months which was 19 months too long my wife and I decided that to get
long my wife and I decided that to get
long my wife and I decided that to get married
married
married almost immediately after we said our
almost immediately after we said our
almost immediately after we said our vows the inevitable question arose
ensures we just weren’t ready with our
ensures we just weren’t ready with our jobs and school being a priority a
jobs and school being a priority a
jobs and school being a priority a couple years later we began trying but
couple years later we began trying but
couple years later we began trying but nothing came of it things like basil
nothing came of it things like basil
nothing came of it things like basil thermometers became part of our sexual
thermometers became part of our sexual
thermometers became part of our sexual activity spontaneity that’s not
activity spontaneity that’s not
activity spontaneity that’s not something that happens when there are
something that happens when there are
something that happens when there are right days and right times to consider
right days and right times to consider
right days and right times to consider romance passion yeah that went out the
romance passion yeah that went out the
romance passion yeah that went out the window too after a while we got the test
window too after a while we got the test
window too after a while we got the test result that we wanted we were overjoyed
result that we wanted we were overjoyed
result that we wanted we were overjoyed but 11 weeks later we lost our child it
but 11 weeks later we lost our child it
but 11 weeks later we lost our child it was here that our infertility journey
was here that our infertility journey
was here that our infertility journey truly began up until his point we knew
truly began up until his point we knew
truly began up until his point we knew we were struggling but we were still in
we were struggling but we were still in
we were struggling but we were still in a time period before we could see a
a time period before we could see a
a time period before we could see a professional once we got into a
professional once we got into a
professional once we got into a fertility clinic things move very
fertility clinic things move very
fertility clinic things move very quickly we went through a series of
quickly we went through a series of
quickly we went through a series of tests and procedures accentuated by my
tests and procedures accentuated by my
tests and procedures accentuated by my taking a long walk down a little hallway
taking a long walk down a little hallway
taking a long walk down a little hallway passed a very nice nurse going into that
passed a very nice nurse going into that
passed a very nice nurse going into that little room where guys do what we do
little room where guys do what we do
little room where guys do what we do only for the lights to go out at the
only for the lights to go out at the
only for the lights to go out at the worst possible time as we continued on
worst possible time as we continued on
worst possible time as we continued on our journey we also dealt with our
our journey we also dealt with our
our journey we also dealt with our struggles individually I was supportive
struggles individually I was supportive
struggles individually I was supportive of my wife but I shut down on my side I
of my wife but I shut down on my side I
of my wife but I shut down on my side I didn’t talk about my fears and my sense
didn’t talk about my fears and my sense
didn’t talk about my fears and my sense of shortcoming I became nearly robotic
of shortcoming I became nearly robotic
of shortcoming I became nearly robotic it wasn’t until I hit an ultimate low
it wasn’t until I hit an ultimate low
it wasn’t until I hit an ultimate low that I finally smartened up and admitted
that I finally smartened up and admitted
that I finally smartened up and admitted I need help it was here that I began
I need help it was here that I began
I need help it was here that I began down a path that included
down a path that included
down a path that included antidepressants and counselling to if
antidepressants and counselling to if
antidepressants and counselling to if not right the way I was feeling at least
not right the way I was feeling at least
not right the way I was feeling at least find comfort and solace
find comfort and solace
find comfort and solace unfortunately this admission is far too
unfortunately this admission is far too
unfortunately this admission is far too unique couples struggling with
unique couples struggling with
unique couples struggling with infertility rarely speak the men in the
infertility rarely speak the men in the
infertility rarely speak the men in the relationships less so in particular I
relationships less so in particular I
relationships less so in particular I found that men have trouble talking with
found that men have trouble talking with
found that men have trouble talking with other men about their struggles my wife
other men about their struggles my wife
other men about their struggles my wife and I attended a support group but men
and I attended a support group but men
and I attended a support group but men rarely came on a regular basis and those
rarely came on a regular basis and those
rarely came on a regular basis and those who did rarely spoke even in social
who did rarely spoke even in social
who did rarely spoke even in social situations we didn’t talk about our
situations we didn’t talk about our
situations we didn’t talk about our journeys one night a group of couples
journeys one night a group of couples
journeys one night a group of couples got together for a night out on the town
got together for a night out on the town
got together for a night out on the town at the end of the night the women
at the end of the night the women
at the end of the night the women gathered on one side of the streets they
gathered on one side of the streets they
gathered on one side of the streets they talked about their procedures injections
talked about their procedures injections
talked about their procedures injections and the like the guys we basically got
and the like the guys we basically got
and the like the guys we basically got gathered on the other side and talked
gathered on the other side and talked
gathered on the other side and talked about work and hockey it’s something
about work and hockey it’s something
about work and hockey it’s something that I actually don’t find that uncommon
that I actually don’t find that uncommon
that I actually don’t find that uncommon nearly every conversation I’ve ever had
nearly every conversation I’ve ever had
nearly every conversation I’ve ever had with another guy has fallen into one of
with another guy has fallen into one of
with another guy has fallen into one of four categories one entertainment and
four categories one entertainment and
four categories one entertainment and sports two home renovations three
sports two home renovations three
sports two home renovations three financial ins and jobs or four things
financial ins and jobs or four things
financial ins and jobs or four things our kids do now the myth of
our kids do now the myth of
our kids do now the myth of is that men don’t talk we do it’s just
is that men don’t talk we do it’s just
is that men don’t talk we do it’s just that a lot of our conversation is
that a lot of our conversation is
that a lot of our conversation is superficial when you look at these
superficial when you look at these
superficial when you look at these topics there aren’t a lot of room for
topics there aren’t a lot of room for
topics there aren’t a lot of room for feelings so you can imagine the trouble
feelings so you can imagine the trouble
feelings so you can imagine the trouble that I had talking about my infertility
that I had talking about my infertility
that I had talking about my infertility issues it’s kind of understandable
issues it’s kind of understandable
issues it’s kind of understandable though from the listeners perspective
though from the listeners perspective
though from the listeners perspective when you consider how hard it is to be
when you consider how hard it is to be
when you consider how hard it is to be empathetic if you haven’t gone through
empathetic if you haven’t gone through
empathetic if you haven’t gone through infertility yourself of course though my
infertility yourself of course though my
infertility yourself of course though my situation isn’t that unique one in six
situation isn’t that unique one in six
situation isn’t that unique one in six Canadian couples struggle with
Canadian couples struggle with
Canadian couples struggle with infertility unfortunately there hasn’t
infertility unfortunately there hasn’t
infertility unfortunately there hasn’t been a lot of research done about how
been a lot of research done about how
been a lot of research done about how men deal with their infertility
men deal with their infertility
men deal with their infertility struggles and accompanying mental health
struggles and accompanying mental health
struggles and accompanying mental health issues as a result there is no clear
issues as a result there is no clear
issues as a result there is no clear path for how a man can find his wellness
path for how a man can find his wellness
path for how a man can find his wellness in reality though that road is as
in reality though that road is as
in reality though that road is as individual as the male is himself I can
individual as the male is himself I can
individual as the male is himself I can certainly say though that my experience
certainly say though that my experience
certainly say though that my experience was not the norm
was not the norm
was not the norm after being part of our infertility
after being part of our infertility
after being part of our infertility group for a number of months I was asked
group for a number of months I was asked
group for a number of months I was asked to speak about my story on broadcast
to speak about my story on broadcast
to speak about my story on broadcast radio I figured sure not a problem I
radio I figured sure not a problem I
radio I figured sure not a problem I done numerous shows in the past I’d be
done numerous shows in the past I’d be
done numerous shows in the past I’d be fine
fine
fine the problem was I had never done
the problem was I had never done
the problem was I had never done something so personal
something so personal
something so personal and I became nervous talking about
and I became nervous talking about
and I became nervous talking about things like sports or charitable causes
things like sports or charitable causes
things like sports or charitable causes I supported not a problem
I supported not a problem
I supported not a problem something like infertility then
something like infertility then
something like infertility then enveloped my life whole other animal I
enveloped my life whole other animal I
enveloped my life whole other animal I ended up doing the show but I did so
ended up doing the show but I did so
ended up doing the show but I did so anonymously funny thing though in that
anonymously funny thing though in that
anonymously funny thing though in that anonymity I found comfort I was able to
anonymity I found comfort I was able to
anonymity I found comfort I was able to share my story lift a huge burden off my
share my story lift a huge burden off my
share my story lift a huge burden off my shoulders what also helped me though was
shoulders what also helped me though was
shoulders what also helped me though was my nature of being a girl’s guy though
my nature of being a girl’s guy though
my nature of being a girl’s guy though it’s not a Wikipedia recognised term
it’s not a Wikipedia recognised term
it’s not a Wikipedia recognised term girls guys are those who have many
girls guys are those who have many
girls guys are those who have many female friends and as a result are
female friends and as a result are
female friends and as a result are exposed to talk about everything and I
exposed to talk about everything and I
exposed to talk about everything and I mean everything
mean everything
mean everything women much more than men are open and
women much more than men are open and
women much more than men are open and frank about the issues going on in their
frank about the issues going on in their
frank about the issues going on in their lives so what did this mean for me the
lives so what did this mean for me the
lives so what did this mean for me the normally taboo topics that come with
normally taboo topics that come with
normally taboo topics that come with infertility struggle weren’t that hard
infertility struggle weren’t that hard
infertility struggle weren’t that hard so with that anonymity and that openness
so with that anonymity and that openness
so with that anonymity and that openness I was able to move forward and tell my
I was able to move forward and tell my
I was able to move forward and tell my story and I was able to go forward later
story and I was able to go forward later
story and I was able to go forward later on and share my story through television
on and share my story through television
on and share my story through television as myself and I was able to share it on
as myself and I was able to share it on
as myself and I was able to share it on Facebook here’s where a really
Facebook here’s where a really
Facebook here’s where a really interesting thing happened others began
interesting thing happened others began
interesting thing happened others began to share their stories – sure I got the
to share their stories – sure I got the
to share their stories – sure I got the messages of support the messages of
messages of support the messages of
messages of support the messages of comfort from my friends and family but a
comfort from my friends and family but a
comfort from my friends and family but a funny thing happened as others people
funny thing happened as others people
funny thing happened as others people start to share their stories as well
start to share their stories as well
start to share their stories as well whether they had gone through problems
whether they had gone through problems
whether they had gone through problems in the past or whether they were
in the past or whether they were
in the past or whether they were currently going through issues they
currently going through issues they
currently going through issues they began to share and suddenly that
began to share and suddenly that
began to share and suddenly that one-in-six statistic that seems so far
one-in-six statistic that seems so far
one-in-six statistic that seems so far away when you’re isolated in your
away when you’re isolated in your
away when you’re isolated in your thoughts became that much more real what
thoughts became that much more real what
thoughts became that much more real what I was also able to do was return to my
I was also able to do was return to my
I was also able to do was return to my wife and start to talk about my issues
wife and start to talk about my issues
wife and start to talk about my issues as they believe shortcoming and as a
as they believe shortcoming and as a
as they believe shortcoming and as a result we were able to move further
result we were able to move further
result we were able to move further stronger together so how is it that you
stronger together so how is it that you
stronger together so how is it that you reach this point it’s really two pieces
reach this point it’s really two pieces
reach this point it’s really two pieces first of all recognize recognize when
first of all recognize recognize when
first of all recognize recognize when the male is ready to talk this goes for
the male is ready to talk this goes for
the male is ready to talk this goes for both the men and the women in the
both the men and the women in the
both the men and the women in the relationship it is so hard to look
relationship it is so hard to look
relationship it is so hard to look beyond ourselves to find our spot and to
beyond ourselves to find our spot and to
beyond ourselves to find our spot and to be able to listen but it is so important
be able to listen but it is so important
be able to listen but it is so important to make that situation as comfortable as
to make that situation as comfortable as
to make that situation as comfortable as possible
possible
possible the second piece talk just talk just let
the second piece talk just talk just let
the second piece talk just talk just let it out fight that fear and move forward
it out fight that fear and move forward
it out fight that fear and move forward whether you’re doing it anonymously
whether you’re doing it anonymously
whether you’re doing it anonymously through an online message board or
through an online message board or
through an online message board or you’re doing it in person through a
you’re doing it in person through a
you’re doing it in person through a support group it is so important to talk
support group it is so important to talk
support group it is so important to talk it makes you feel so much better now
it makes you feel so much better now
it makes you feel so much better now not every infertility story has a happy
not every infertility story has a happy
not every infertility story has a happy ending not every family has their baby
ending not every family has their baby
ending not every family has their baby fortunately my story does in October
fortunately my story does in October
fortunately my story does in October 2014 we are scheduled for IVF in
2014 we are scheduled for IVF in
2014 we are scheduled for IVF in Victoria BC all told we were going to be
Victoria BC all told we were going to be
Victoria BC all told we were going to be out of town for a month we packed up our
out of town for a month we packed up our
out of town for a month we packed up our house our car and our dog and we
house our car and our dog and we
house our car and our dog and we traveled halfway across the country for
traveled halfway across the country for
traveled halfway across the country for the shot of a lifetime I was ready I had
the shot of a lifetime I was ready I had
the shot of a lifetime I was ready I had talked about my fears I talked about my
talked about my fears I talked about my
talked about my fears I talked about my shortcomings and I was ready to take
shortcomings and I was ready to take
shortcomings and I was ready to take that next step
that next step
that next step driving through the Rocky Mountains was
driving through the Rocky Mountains was
driving through the Rocky Mountains was easy because I had already been down the
easy because I had already been down the
easy because I had already been down the most hellacious road of my life and
most hellacious road of my life and
most hellacious road of my life and holding my baby daughter months later
holding my baby daughter months later
holding my baby daughter months later may this was story I had to share thank
may this was story I had to share thank
may this was story I had to share thank you very much
”
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