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Gender: Extraordinary | Ely Bowles | TEDxYouth@RVA


about three years ago today during my

about three years ago today during my senior year of high school I stood on

senior year of high school I stood on

senior year of high school I stood on this exact stage and I came out to my

this exact stage and I came out to my

this exact stage and I came out to my teachers and peers as trans male I was

teachers and peers as trans male I was

teachers and peers as trans male I was overwhelmed with joy because I got to

overwhelmed with joy because I got to

overwhelmed with joy because I got to claim who I was there’s something

claim who I was there’s something

claim who I was there’s something incredibly liberating about being able

incredibly liberating about being able

incredibly liberating about being able to be your authentic self I continued to

to be your authentic self I continued to

to be your authentic self I continued to come out to other people and with every

come out to other people and with every

come out to other people and with every coming out story my life got better I

coming out story my life got better I

coming out story my life got better I found a profound sense of joy and

found a profound sense of joy and

found a profound sense of joy and freedom and being able to be myself

freedom and being able to be myself

freedom and being able to be myself around my family and friends looking

around my family and friends looking

around my family and friends looking back I now realized that accepting and

back I now realized that accepting and

back I now realized that accepting and expressing my trans identity really

expressing my trans identity really

expressing my trans identity really saves me I didn’t realize it at the time

saves me I didn’t realize it at the time

saves me I didn’t realize it at the time but claiming my trans identity was a

but claiming my trans identity was a

but claiming my trans identity was a huge part of not only surviving but

huge part of not only surviving but

huge part of not only surviving but allowing myself to flourish coming out

allowing myself to flourish coming out

allowing myself to flourish coming out on the stage was a pivotal point and

on the stage was a pivotal point and

on the stage was a pivotal point and learning to love and accept myself

learning to love and accept myself

learning to love and accept myself though I wouldn’t have been able to

though I wouldn’t have been able to

though I wouldn’t have been able to admit it at the time I felt like a big

admit it at the time I felt like a big

admit it at the time I felt like a big hypocrite because while I was boldly

hypocrite because while I was boldly

hypocrite because while I was boldly declaring who I was on this stage and

declaring who I was on this stage and

declaring who I was on this stage and even mentoring younger trans youth about

even mentoring younger trans youth about

even mentoring younger trans youth about how there was this whole community out

how there was this whole community out

how there was this whole community out there supporting them and how they

there supporting them and how they

there supporting them and how they should be proud of who they were

should be proud of who they were

should be proud of who they were underneath it all I really resented my

underneath it all I really resented my

underneath it all I really resented my trans identity despite what most people

trans identity despite what most people

trans identity despite what most people might have seen the beginning of high

might have seen the beginning of high

might have seen the beginning of high school was really rough for me I hated

school was really rough for me I hated

school was really rough for me I hated my anatomy and I had a lot of gender

my anatomy and I had a lot of gender

my anatomy and I had a lot of gender dysphoria which can be described as the

dysphoria which can be described as the

dysphoria which can be described as the discomfort one feels with their

discomfort one feels with their

discomfort one feels with their biological sex the guy that I am wasn’t

biological sex the guy that I am wasn’t

biological sex the guy that I am wasn’t reflected by my anatomy and I felt like

reflected by my anatomy and I felt like

reflected by my anatomy and I felt like I had no control over my body I remember

I had no control over my body I remember

I had no control over my body I remember thinking that whatever spiritual being

thinking that whatever spiritual being

thinking that whatever spiritual being was in charge of making me got the wrong

was in charge of making me got the wrong

was in charge of making me got the wrong instructions when assembling me I began

instructions when assembling me I began

instructions when assembling me I began to self-harm and I became very depressed

to self-harm and I became very depressed

to self-harm and I became very depressed I had this deep belief that no one would

I had this deep belief that no one would

I had this deep belief that no one would ever love me I thought that I would

ever love me I thought that I would

ever love me I thought that I would never be able to be in a romantic

never be able to be in a romantic

never be able to be in a romantic relationship because no one would ever

relationship because no one would ever

relationship because no one would ever accept me that potential partners would

accept me that potential partners would

accept me that potential partners would be disgusted by my mismatch and want

be disgusted by my mismatch and want

be disgusted by my mismatch and want nothing to do with me and a lot of ways

nothing to do with me and a lot of ways

nothing to do with me and a lot of ways my trans identity was a source of pain

my trans identity was a source of pain

my trans identity was a source of pain fear and insecurity I found refuge from

fear and insecurity I found refuge from

fear and insecurity I found refuge from my depression in dysphoria through

my depression in dysphoria through

my depression in dysphoria through community I became very close with a

community I became very close with a

community I became very close with a science teacher in high school who

science teacher in high school who

science teacher in high school who provided me with the emotional and

provided me with the emotional and

provided me with the emotional and physical space de positively cope with

physical space de positively cope with

physical space de positively cope with my emotions I was in her office

my emotions I was in her office

my emotions I was in her office countless

countless

countless venting about my dysphoria or conflicts

venting about my dysphoria or conflicts

venting about my dysphoria or conflicts at home countless other teachers in my

at home countless other teachers in my

at home countless other teachers in my high school never cease to amaze me with

high school never cease to amaze me with

high school never cease to amaze me with their constant love and support I was

their constant love and support I was

their constant love and support I was also referred to an organization called

also referred to an organization called

also referred to an organization called side by side in high school side by side

side by side in high school side by side

side by side in high school side by side is a youth organization in Richmond that

is a youth organization in Richmond that

is a youth organization in Richmond that provides LGBTQ kids with support through

provides LGBTQ kids with support through

provides LGBTQ kids with support through side by side I was able to meet other

side by side I was able to meet other

side by side I was able to meet other LGBTQ people and learn more about the

LGBTQ people and learn more about the

LGBTQ people and learn more about the LGBTQ community side by side also

LGBTQ community side by side also

LGBTQ community side by side also provided me with two awesome mentors who

provided me with two awesome mentors who

provided me with two awesome mentors who became my own personal superheroes they

became my own personal superheroes they

became my own personal superheroes they were and still are pillars of guidance

were and still are pillars of guidance

were and still are pillars of guidance and encouragement for me I had all these

and encouragement for me I had all these

and encouragement for me I had all these feelings about my gender but I had no

feelings about my gender but I had no

feelings about my gender but I had no way of putting them into words the trans

way of putting them into words the trans

way of putting them into words the trans youth I met through side by side really

youth I met through side by side really

youth I met through side by side really helped me discover my trans identity I

helped me discover my trans identity I

helped me discover my trans identity I remember hearing their stories and

remember hearing their stories and

remember hearing their stories and thinking I got it I finally know who i

thinking I got it I finally know who i

thinking I got it I finally know who i am now I can finally put what I’m

am now I can finally put what I’m

am now I can finally put what I’m thinking and feeling into words there

thinking and feeling into words there

thinking and feeling into words there are other people out there who can

are other people out there who can

are other people out there who can relate to what I’m feeling I was able to

relate to what I’m feeling I was able to

relate to what I’m feeling I was able to not only find a community but my own

not only find a community but my own

not only find a community but my own voice through this community the trans

voice through this community the trans

voice through this community the trans youth I met really empowered me I used

youth I met really empowered me I used

youth I met really empowered me I used all these resources to create a second

all these resources to create a second

all these resources to create a second family I used to say that if I could go

family I used to say that if I could go

family I used to say that if I could go back in time and change my biological

back in time and change my biological

back in time and change my biological sex I wouldn’t a heartbeat today I can

sex I wouldn’t a heartbeat today I can

sex I wouldn’t a heartbeat today I can say without hesitation but if I could go

say without hesitation but if I could go

say without hesitation but if I could go back in time and change things I

back in time and change things I

back in time and change things I wouldn’t that if I could choose to be

wouldn’t that if I could choose to be

wouldn’t that if I could choose to be trans I would every single time

trans I would every single time

trans I would every single time ironically the thing i want to despise

ironically the thing i want to despise

ironically the thing i want to despise most about myself became my salvation

most about myself became my salvation

most about myself became my salvation without my trans identity I wouldn’t be

without my trans identity I wouldn’t be

without my trans identity I wouldn’t be nearly as empathetic as I am today and I

nearly as empathetic as I am today and I

nearly as empathetic as I am today and I wouldn’t have the incredible family that

wouldn’t have the incredible family that

wouldn’t have the incredible family that I do today I also wouldn’t know the

I do today I also wouldn’t know the

I do today I also wouldn’t know the value of community in the way that I do

value of community in the way that I do

value of community in the way that I do today my transition has created some

today my transition has created some

today my transition has created some awkward and funny moments that are

awkward and funny moments that are

awkward and funny moments that are brought my life joy in ways I wouldn’t

brought my life joy in ways I wouldn’t

brought my life joy in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise experienced the trans

have otherwise experienced the trans

have otherwise experienced the trans community is one of the most vibrant

community is one of the most vibrant

community is one of the most vibrant resilient and courageous communities out

resilient and courageous communities out

resilient and courageous communities out there I’m so proud and glad that I have

there I’m so proud and glad that I have

there I’m so proud and glad that I have the opportunity to be a part of it one

the opportunity to be a part of it one

the opportunity to be a part of it one of my favorite quotes for my senior

of my favorite quotes for my senior

of my favorite quotes for my senior speech was I am a boy I was just made a

speech was I am a boy I was just made a

speech was I am a boy I was just made a little differently the most they’re

little differently the most they’re

little differently the most they’re claiming our identities trans people

claiming our identities trans people

claiming our identities trans people continually show society that not all

continually show society that not all

continually show society that not all boys and girls are made in the same

boys and girls are made in the same

boys and girls are made in the same respective ways we also break down

respective ways we also break down

respective ways we also break down societal expectation

societal expectation

societal expectation and norms about gender and ways that

and norms about gender and ways that

and norms about gender and ways that benefit all people trains are not I like

benefit all people trains are not I like

benefit all people trains are not I like to think that we were leaders daringly

to think that we were leaders daringly

to think that we were leaders daringly redefining what gender is and how to

redefining what gender is and how to

redefining what gender is and how to express it through this reconstruction

express it through this reconstruction

express it through this reconstruction we create something inspiring nothing

we create something inspiring nothing

we create something inspiring nothing short of magnificent

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