I was invited here today because of the art I make I create interactive
art I make I create interactive
art I make I create interactive light-emitting textile installations
light-emitting textile installations
light-emitting textile installations that invites the spectator to interact
that invites the spectator to interact
that invites the spectator to interact with the art and become a creator
with the art and become a creator
with the art and become a creator themselves and I don’t know if you
themselves and I don’t know if you
themselves and I don’t know if you noticed but you are actually already a
noticed but you are actually already a
noticed but you are actually already a part of my art this is a fabric woven
part of my art this is a fabric woven
part of my art this is a fabric woven with optical fibers connected to LEDs
with optical fibers connected to LEDs
with optical fibers connected to LEDs and sensors and when I came in here
and sensors and when I came in here
and sensors and when I came in here today and you gave me that generous
today and you gave me that generous
today and you gave me that generous applause you triggered the fabric to
applause you triggered the fabric to
applause you triggered the fabric to react to your sound do you want to see
react to your sound do you want to see
react to your sound do you want to see if you could do it again
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
there you go thank you but this is not
there you go thank you but this is not the only story I want to share with you
the only story I want to share with you
the only story I want to share with you today the real reason of why I’m here
today the real reason of why I’m here
today the real reason of why I’m here why I took the decision of standing on
why I took the decision of standing on
why I took the decision of standing on this stage is fear when I got asked to
this stage is fear when I got asked to
this stage is fear when I got asked to do this talk I was terrified public
do this talk I was terrified public
do this talk I was terrified public speaking is quite scary for me and
speaking is quite scary for me and
speaking is quite scary for me and something that I have very little
something that I have very little
something that I have very little experience of but to me that was the
experience of but to me that was the
experience of but to me that was the real reason of why I wanted to do this
real reason of why I wanted to do this
real reason of why I wanted to do this because I was afraid of it
because I was afraid of it
because I was afraid of it my earliest memories consists of colors
my earliest memories consists of colors
my earliest memories consists of colors and structures when I was a kid I stood
and structures when I was a kid I stood
and structures when I was a kid I stood in the line to the supermarket with my
in the line to the supermarket with my
in the line to the supermarket with my mother and in front of us there is this
mother and in front of us there is this
mother and in front of us there is this fancy woman wearing a big brown fur coat
fancy woman wearing a big brown fur coat
fancy woman wearing a big brown fur coat you know that really thick fur that has
you know that really thick fur that has
you know that really thick fur that has small little hair sticking out of it so
small little hair sticking out of it so
small little hair sticking out of it so I was standing there and staring at this
I was standing there and staring at this
I was standing there and staring at this woman’s back or probably but because I
woman’s back or probably but because I
woman’s back or probably but because I was this tall and I was intrigued by the
was this tall and I was intrigued by the
was this tall and I was intrigued by the firm and I’ve reached out to touch it
firm and I’ve reached out to touch it
firm and I’ve reached out to touch it and it was so fluffy and the little
and it was so fluffy and the little
and it was so fluffy and the little hairs were tingling my fingers and then
hairs were tingling my fingers and then
hairs were tingling my fingers and then my mom saw me grabbing this woman’s ass
my mom saw me grabbing this woman’s ass
my mom saw me grabbing this woman’s ass do you have to mention I didn’t dare to
do you have to mention I didn’t dare to
do you have to mention I didn’t dare to do it again and the tactile sense has
do it again and the tactile sense has
do it again and the tactile sense has always been a vital part for me to be
always been a vital part for me to be
always been a vital part for me to be able to understand the world and I
able to understand the world and I
able to understand the world and I believe that is also the reason why I
believe that is also the reason why I
believe that is also the reason why I chose textile as my craft like so many
chose textile as my craft like so many
chose textile as my craft like so many young girls in Sweden I had immense
young girls in Sweden I had immense
young girls in Sweden I had immense performance anxiety as I was growing up
performance anxiety as I was growing up
performance anxiety as I was growing up this feeling that I had to do the best
this feeling that I had to do the best
this feeling that I had to do the best all the time be the best achieving the
all the time be the best achieving the
all the time be the best achieving the best result and I would picture
best result and I would picture
best result and I would picture scenarios in my head of how things would
scenarios in my head of how things would
scenarios in my head of how things would go wrong and that made me grow a fear of
go wrong and that made me grow a fear of
go wrong and that made me grow a fear of failure up to the point that I didn’t
failure up to the point that I didn’t
failure up to the point that I didn’t dare to try this carried on with me
dare to try this carried on with me
dare to try this carried on with me during my school years and my studies
during my school years and my studies
during my school years and my studies here at Uppsala University and at this
here at Uppsala University and at this
here at Uppsala University and at this very school of textiles my design
very school of textiles my design
very school of textiles my design project often had a clear outcome
project often had a clear outcome
project often had a clear outcome because I stayed safe and after many
because I stayed safe and after many
because I stayed safe and after many years of studies I still didn’t know
years of studies I still didn’t know
years of studies I still didn’t know what I wanted to do in the future and I
what I wanted to do in the future and I
what I wanted to do in the future and I feared that I would finish school
feared that I would finish school
feared that I would finish school without a purpose in life please raise
without a purpose in life please raise
without a purpose in life please raise your hand if you haven’t found your
your hand if you haven’t found your
your hand if you haven’t found your purpose in life thank you so I’m not
purpose in life thank you so I’m not
purpose in life thank you so I’m not alone then well I had one year left in
alone then well I had one year left in
alone then well I had one year left in school and I figured I take a break to
school and I figured I take a break to
school and I figured I take a break to do an internship by the weaving Factory
do an internship by the weaving Factory
do an internship by the weaving Factory and figure out my path in my studies and
and figure out my path in my studies and
and figure out my path in my studies and figure out what I wanted to become so I
figure out what I wanted to become so I
figure out what I wanted to become so I started the weaving Factory and the
started the weaving Factory and the
started the weaving Factory and the months went on until one day something
months went on until one day something
months went on until one day something happened to me that changed my life I
happened to me that changed my life I
happened to me that changed my life I was diagnosed with breast cancer I’m not
was diagnosed with breast cancer I’m not
was diagnosed with breast cancer I’m not at all thankful for the tumor that grew
at all thankful for the tumor that grew
at all thankful for the tumor that grew in my breast
in my breast
in my breast but still I say that it changed my life
but still I say that it changed my life
but still I say that it changed my life and in the end to the better not because
and in the end to the better not because
and in the end to the better not because of the day when my doctor said it’s
of the day when my doctor said it’s
of the day when my doctor said it’s extremely rare in your age but yes you
extremely rare in your age but yes you
extremely rare in your age but yes you do have cancer
do have cancer
do have cancer and not because of the mastectomy I had
and not because of the mastectomy I had
and not because of the mastectomy I had four weeks later or because of the
four weeks later or because of the
four weeks later or because of the chemotherapy that never seemed to end it
chemotherapy that never seemed to end it
chemotherapy that never seemed to end it was because I learned not to be
was because I learned not to be
was because I learned not to be controlled by my fears almost daily I
controlled by my fears almost daily I
controlled by my fears almost daily I was forced to do things that was afraid
was forced to do things that was afraid
was forced to do things that was afraid of going through a major operation
of going through a major operation
of going through a major operation taking drugs that made me lose my hair
taking drugs that made me lose my hair
taking drugs that made me lose my hair and taking decisions that would change
and taking decisions that would change
and taking decisions that would change my life forever
my life forever
my life forever and learning that there was no separate
and learning that there was no separate
and learning that there was no separate process that made the fear go away I
process that made the fear go away I
process that made the fear go away I just had to grab it look at it and go
just had to grab it look at it and go
just had to grab it look at it and go through it being someone who always
through it being someone who always
through it being someone who always wanted to perform I decided to go back
wanted to perform I decided to go back
wanted to perform I decided to go back to school during my chemo but going
to school during my chemo but going
to school during my chemo but going through chemo I didn’t know how it would
through chemo I didn’t know how it would
through chemo I didn’t know how it would feel the next week the next day or
feel the next week the next day or
feel the next week the next day or sometimes even the next hour I couldn’t
sometimes even the next hour I couldn’t
sometimes even the next hour I couldn’t plan for the future I was stuck in the
plan for the future I was stuck in the
plan for the future I was stuck in the moment and the picture in my head of how
moment and the picture in my head of how
moment and the picture in my head of how I would fail in the future disappeared
I would fail in the future disappeared
I would fail in the future disappeared because I didn’t know if I had one
dealing with fear became a habit when
dealing with fear became a habit when such real things were happening to my
such real things were happening to my
such real things were happening to my body there was no room for anxieties
body there was no room for anxieties
body there was no room for anxieties about my studies instead my textile
about my studies instead my textile
about my studies instead my textile projects became my therapy in creating
projects became my therapy in creating
projects became my therapy in creating for the moment without direction and
for the moment without direction and
for the moment without direction and without a goal it was during that time I
without a goal it was during that time I
without a goal it was during that time I found the optical fiber this material
found the optical fiber this material
found the optical fiber this material was challenging and inspirational to
was challenging and inspirational to
was challenging and inspirational to work with and since it was a new
work with and since it was a new
work with and since it was a new material to me I didn’t know what the
material to me I didn’t know what the
material to me I didn’t know what the end result would be
it allowed me to combine my textile
it allowed me to combine my textile skills with the part of me that loves
skills with the part of me that loves
skills with the part of me that loves solving problems and blinky lights what
solving problems and blinky lights what
solving problems and blinky lights what more could I ask for after five months
more could I ask for after five months
more could I ask for after five months I finished the chemotherapy and there
I finished the chemotherapy and there
I finished the chemotherapy and there was no signs of cancer left in my body
was no signs of cancer left in my body
was no signs of cancer left in my body and I have found a new way of looking at
and I have found a new way of looking at
and I have found a new way of looking at my surroundings and myself by letting go
my surroundings and myself by letting go
my surroundings and myself by letting go the future and making fear into my
the future and making fear into my
the future and making fear into my friend when I finally finished school I
friend when I finally finished school I
friend when I finally finished school I still didn’t have a long-term plan but I
still didn’t have a long-term plan but I
still didn’t have a long-term plan but I had an idea of a project I wanted to
had an idea of a project I wanted to
had an idea of a project I wanted to make I wanted to create a fabric that
make I wanted to create a fabric that
make I wanted to create a fabric that could interact through touch and I had
could interact through touch and I had
could interact through touch and I had no idea how it could be possible but I
no idea how it could be possible but I
no idea how it could be possible but I wanted to try and this was a new way of
wanted to try and this was a new way of
wanted to try and this was a new way of creating things for me an experimental
creating things for me an experimental
creating things for me an experimental way of looking at the design process
way of looking at the design process
way of looking at the design process where there was no certain outcome in
where there was no certain outcome in
where there was no certain outcome in this project I couldn’t see the end
this project I couldn’t see the end
this project I couldn’t see the end result which also meant that I couldn’t
result which also meant that I couldn’t
result which also meant that I couldn’t see the scenarios where everything would
see the scenarios where everything would
see the scenarios where everything would go wrong making my fear of failure less
go wrong making my fear of failure less
go wrong making my fear of failure less intense allowing me to create for the
intense allowing me to create for the
intense allowing me to create for the moment became a help to take one part at
moment became a help to take one part at
moment became a help to take one part at a time so I spent all of 2015 on
a time so I spent all of 2015 on
a time so I spent all of 2015 on experimenting and trying to figure out
experimenting and trying to figure out
experimenting and trying to figure out how it could be possible and the result
how it could be possible and the result
how it could be possible and the result is this an interactive light emitting
is this an interactive light emitting
is this an interactive light emitting textile installation that allows the
textile installation that allows the
textile installation that allows the audience to change its appearance it’s a
audience to change its appearance it’s a
audience to change its appearance it’s a four wing structure that reacts your
four wing structure that reacts your
four wing structure that reacts your touch by sending colourful ripples up
touch by sending colourful ripples up
touch by sending colourful ripples up and down the fabric
the textile is woven with optical fibers
the textile is woven with optical fibers conductive yarn that leads electricity
conductive yarn that leads electricity
conductive yarn that leads electricity and more traditional textile materials
and more traditional textile materials
and more traditional textile materials like cotton and polyester and the
like cotton and polyester and the
like cotton and polyester and the optical fiber I use is originally used
optical fiber I use is originally used
optical fiber I use is originally used for the lighting industry and not at all
for the lighting industry and not at all
for the lighting industry and not at all for weaving it’s similar to the cables
for weaving it’s similar to the cables
for weaving it’s similar to the cables that we use to build computer networks
that we use to build computer networks
that we use to build computer networks it’s completely see-through and only
it’s completely see-through and only
it’s completely see-through and only lets the light out at the end of the
lets the light out at the end of the
lets the light out at the end of the fiber for weaving them into a fabric
fiber for weaving them into a fabric
fiber for weaving them into a fabric with custom-designed weave bindings I
with custom-designed weave bindings I
with custom-designed weave bindings I create controlled cracks that are too
create controlled cracks that are too
create controlled cracks that are too light escape through the side of the
light escape through the side of the
light escape through the side of the fiber this way I can create fabrics that
fiber this way I can create fabrics that
fiber this way I can create fabrics that glows from within forming patterns when
glows from within forming patterns when
glows from within forming patterns when connected to a light source this fabric
connected to a light source this fabric
connected to a light source this fabric is mounted to around 500 individually
is mounted to around 500 individually
is mounted to around 500 individually programmable LED pixels they’re
programmable LED pixels they’re
programmable LED pixels they’re controlled by a marker computer and
controlled by a marker computer and
controlled by a marker computer and connected to sensors that register human
connected to sensors that register human
connected to sensors that register human touch and the conductive yarn woven into
touch and the conductive yarn woven into
touch and the conductive yarn woven into the fabric the installation is called
the fabric the installation is called
the fabric the installation is called those who affected me as a tribute to
those who affected me as a tribute to
those who affected me as a tribute to the people around me during my time of
the people around me during my time of
the people around me during my time of illness it’s an abstract self-portrait
illness it’s an abstract self-portrait
illness it’s an abstract self-portrait reflecting others impact on myself
without the people around me I wouldn’t
without the people around me I wouldn’t exist I mean that both in the literal
exist I mean that both in the literal
exist I mean that both in the literal and philosophical way my friends and
and philosophical way my friends and
and philosophical way my friends and family are creating me every moment and
family are creating me every moment and
family are creating me every moment and the doctors and nurses and all human
the doctors and nurses and all human
the doctors and nurses and all human beings before me made it possible for me
beings before me made it possible for me
beings before me made it possible for me to continue my life after cancer even
to continue my life after cancer even
to continue my life after cancer even though I grew a lot from my experiences
though I grew a lot from my experiences
though I grew a lot from my experiences I still have performing society I still
I still have performing society I still
I still have performing society I still have fear all the time but cancer
have fear all the time but cancer
have fear all the time but cancer thought me not to let that stop
performing society is a common feeling
performing society is a common feeling among young girls in Sweden according to
among young girls in Sweden according to
among young girls in Sweden according to a study from the World Health
a study from the World Health
a study from the World Health Organization 67% of fifteen-year-old
Organization 67% of fifteen-year-old
Organization 67% of fifteen-year-old Swedish girls suffer from stressed in
Swedish girls suffer from stressed in
Swedish girls suffer from stressed in their studies but the solution this
their studies but the solution this
their studies but the solution this problem can be cancer right so I’ve been
problem can be cancer right so I’ve been
problem can be cancer right so I’ve been thinking what has changed in me what am
thinking what has changed in me what am
thinking what has changed in me what am i doing different what I’ve come up with
i doing different what I’ve come up with
i doing different what I’ve come up with is this I identify my fear and let it
is this I identify my fear and let it
is this I identify my fear and let it guide me and what I mean is identifying
guide me and what I mean is identifying
guide me and what I mean is identifying your fear as a fear you have and not
your fear as a fear you have and not
your fear as a fear you have and not something you think you’re bad at doing
dare to say I am afraid this could be
dare to say I am afraid this could be hard because there’s more shame and
hard because there’s more shame and
hard because there’s more shame and saying that you’re afraid of something
saying that you’re afraid of something
saying that you’re afraid of something then you simply don’t know how and
then you simply don’t know how and
then you simply don’t know how and studies shows that putting feelings into
studies shows that putting feelings into
studies shows that putting feelings into words make them less intense when you
words make them less intense when you
words make them less intense when you allow yourself to identify something
allow yourself to identify something
allow yourself to identify something that’s holding you back as a fear then
that’s holding you back as a fear then
that’s holding you back as a fear then it’s easier to choose to act when I
it’s easier to choose to act when I
it’s easier to choose to act when I finished those who affected me I wanted
finished those who affected me I wanted
finished those who affected me I wanted to exhibit it in Stockholm I had no idea
to exhibit it in Stockholm I had no idea
to exhibit it in Stockholm I had no idea how people got their work shown and I
how people got their work shown and I
how people got their work shown and I thought the museums are probably not at
thought the museums are probably not at
thought the museums are probably not at all interested in what I do but when I
all interested in what I do but when I
all interested in what I do but when I identified my idea of not being good
identified my idea of not being good
identified my idea of not being good enough as a fear I had I could decide to
enough as a fear I had I could decide to
enough as a fear I had I could decide to go through it so I decided to send
go through it so I decided to send
go through it so I decided to send emails to all of them museums in the
emails to all of them museums in the
emails to all of them museums in the city and all of a sudden I got a
city and all of a sudden I got a
city and all of a sudden I got a positive answer now those who affected
positive answer now those who affected
positive answer now those who affected me are exhibited at
me are exhibited at
me are exhibited at National Museum of Art in Stockholm but
National Museum of Art in Stockholm but
National Museum of Art in Stockholm but I have found that I’m not just not
I have found that I’m not just not
I have found that I’m not just not avoiding what I’m afraid I’m letting it
avoiding what I’m afraid I’m letting it
avoiding what I’m afraid I’m letting it be my guiding star this June I was in
be my guiding star this June I was in
be my guiding star this June I was in New York participated in the Mermaid
New York participated in the Mermaid
New York participated in the Mermaid Parade it’s the huge event half a
Parade it’s the huge event half a
Parade it’s the huge event half a million spectators and 3,000
million spectators and 3,000
million spectators and 3,000 participants dressed up like mermaids or
participants dressed up like mermaids or
participants dressed up like mermaids or should I say dressed down there was a
should I say dressed down there was a
should I say dressed down there was a lot of skin showing and guided by my own
lot of skin showing and guided by my own
lot of skin showing and guided by my own fear of showing my own body after my
fear of showing my own body after my
fear of showing my own body after my operation this is what I did and the
operation this is what I did and the
operation this is what I did and the reaction I got was something I will
reaction I got was something I will
reaction I got was something I will never forget women all ages came up to
never forget women all ages came up to
never forget women all ages came up to me sharing their stories of cancer
me sharing their stories of cancer
me sharing their stories of cancer saying that I inspired them to be more
saying that I inspired them to be more
saying that I inspired them to be more open about their situation and this made
open about their situation and this made
open about their situation and this made my fear well worth overcoming going out
my fear well worth overcoming going out
my fear well worth overcoming going out of your comfort zone is something
of your comfort zone is something
of your comfort zone is something completely different for every person
completely different for every person
completely different for every person some people have really big comfort
some people have really big comfort
some people have really big comfort zones and can get away with being
zones and can get away with being
zones and can get away with being seemingly fearless and outgoing without
seemingly fearless and outgoing without
seemingly fearless and outgoing without ever having to push their own boundaries
ever having to push their own boundaries
ever having to push their own boundaries and this does not make them brave so
and this does not make them brave so
and this does not make them brave so what I’m trying to say is if you live
what I’m trying to say is if you live
what I’m trying to say is if you live your life without fear then you’re not
your life without fear then you’re not
your life without fear then you’re not following your dreams find those things
following your dreams find those things
following your dreams find those things that scare you and do them not despite
that scare you and do them not despite
that scare you and do them not despite of being afraid but because you’re
of being afraid but because you’re
of being afraid but because you’re afraid like me doing this TED talk it
afraid like me doing this TED talk it
afraid like me doing this TED talk it was something completely new to me
was something completely new to me
was something completely new to me something that I was afraid of but at
something that I was afraid of but at
something that I was afraid of but at least I’m less afraid now than I was 15
least I’m less afraid now than I was 15
least I’m less afraid now than I was 15 minutes ago
minutes ago
minutes ago thank you
”
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