Oh [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
for some people depression isn’t
for some people depression isn’t something you just get over you can’t
something you just get over you can’t
something you just get over you can’t expect one giant leap to get you well
expect one giant leap to get you well
expect one giant leap to get you well and then you stay well if you start out
and then you stay well if you start out
and then you stay well if you start out with this expectation you can end up
with this expectation you can end up
with this expectation you can end up with fear or guilt that you didn’t do
with fear or guilt that you didn’t do
with fear or guilt that you didn’t do everything right and that just adds to
everything right and that just adds to
everything right and that just adds to the weight the depressed person is
the weight the depressed person is
the weight the depressed person is carrying and they’re already carrying
carrying and they’re already carrying
carrying and they’re already carrying enough it’s like that ridiculous phrase
enough it’s like that ridiculous phrase
enough it’s like that ridiculous phrase what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I suppose it’s okay for those it works
I suppose it’s okay for those it works
I suppose it’s okay for those it works for but for me it’s the closest I ever
for but for me it’s the closest I ever
for but for me it’s the closest I ever want to be to being kicked when I’m down
want to be to being kicked when I’m down
want to be to being kicked when I’m down because it’s saying not only did this
because it’s saying not only did this
because it’s saying not only did this thing almost kill you it didn’t and now
thing almost kill you it didn’t and now
thing almost kill you it didn’t and now in addition to climbing out of that pit
in addition to climbing out of that pit
in addition to climbing out of that pit you need to fill it in and climb higher
you need to fill it in and climb higher
you need to fill it in and climb higher no yes no I was so disoriented from my
no yes no I was so disoriented from my
no yes no I was so disoriented from my depression from the ground falling out
depression from the ground falling out
depression from the ground falling out from under my feet it took me a long
from under my feet it took me a long
from under my feet it took me a long time to see what was still working how
time to see what was still working how
time to see what was still working how to regain my footing noticing was a
to regain my footing noticing was a
to regain my footing noticing was a process it was a juggling act and
process it was a juggling act and
process it was a juggling act and eventually I came up with a progression
eventually I came up with a progression
eventually I came up with a progression it goes like this competency failure
it goes like this competency failure
it goes like this competency failure mindfulness courage to me these are the
mindfulness courage to me these are the
mindfulness courage to me these are the stepping stones away from depression and
stepping stones away from depression and
stepping stones away from depression and toward health or out of the depression
toward health or out of the depression
toward health or out of the depression like I have because every depression is
like I have because every depression is
like I have because every depression is as different as the person who carries
as different as the person who carries
as different as the person who carries it now when I say depression I’m not
it now when I say depression I’m not
it now when I say depression I’m not talking about a synonym or a hyperbole
talking about a synonym or a hyperbole
talking about a synonym or a hyperbole of sad I’m not talking about the
of sad I’m not talking about the
of sad I’m not talking about the opposite of happy or a mood you shift in
opposite of happy or a mood you shift in
opposite of happy or a mood you shift in or out of I like to describe depression
or out of I like to describe depression
or out of I like to describe depression as
as
as a check engine light on the human body
a check engine light on the human body
a check engine light on the human body it tells you something is wrong
it tells you something is wrong
it tells you something is wrong sometimes severely wrong but it doesn’t
sometimes severely wrong but it doesn’t
sometimes severely wrong but it doesn’t give you any more information it’s an
give you any more information it’s an
give you any more information it’s an inability of pulling in look at it this
inability of pulling in look at it this
inability of pulling in look at it this way imagine you’re a police officer and
way imagine you’re a police officer and
way imagine you’re a police officer and you are interrupting an attack you and
you are interrupting an attack you and
you are interrupting an attack you and your partner pull the assailant kicking
your partner pull the assailant kicking
your partner pull the assailant kicking and punching off of his victim and then
and punching off of his victim and then
and punching off of his victim and then you turn to the man on the ground
you turn to the man on the ground
you turn to the man on the ground assuming he’s still conscious what
assuming he’s still conscious what
assuming he’s still conscious what position is he in something curled in
position is he in something curled in
position is he in something curled in self-protective making himself a smaller
self-protective making himself a smaller
self-protective making himself a smaller target protecting his vital organs it’s
target protecting his vital organs it’s
target protecting his vital organs it’s instinct it’s a natural defensive
instinct it’s a natural defensive
instinct it’s a natural defensive posture and this is what is happening in
posture and this is what is happening in
posture and this is what is happening in the psyche during depression a pulling
the psyche during depression a pulling
the psyche during depression a pulling in a making smaller you can’t do trauma
in a making smaller you can’t do trauma
in a making smaller you can’t do trauma therapy with people who are still being
therapy with people who are still being
therapy with people who are still being traumatized and in a similar way you
traumatized and in a similar way you
traumatized and in a similar way you can’t expect a person who is depressed
can’t expect a person who is depressed
can’t expect a person who is depressed to stop being depressed if the
to stop being depressed if the
to stop being depressed if the conditions that led to it are unchanged
conditions that led to it are unchanged
conditions that led to it are unchanged my personhood and identity were under
my personhood and identity were under
my personhood and identity were under attack at my worst I feared abandonment
attack at my worst I feared abandonment
attack at my worst I feared abandonment while craving isolation I wanted I
while craving isolation I wanted I
while craving isolation I wanted I wanted to prove that I could live
wanted to prove that I could live
wanted to prove that I could live without these people who weren’t taking
without these people who weren’t taking
without these people who weren’t taking care of me and I want a few people to
care of me and I want a few people to
care of me and I want a few people to take care of I was afraid of
take care of I was afraid of
take care of I was afraid of disappointing these people I was afraid
disappointing these people I was afraid
disappointing these people I was afraid of disappointing me and I was exhausted
of disappointing me and I was exhausted
of disappointing me and I was exhausted we have to be so careful when we’re
we have to be so careful when we’re
we have to be so careful when we’re talking about building capacity with
talking about building capacity with
talking about building capacity with depressed people it’s useless and
depressed people it’s useless and
depressed people it’s useless and bordering on cruel to just tell it a
bordering on cruel to just tell it a
bordering on cruel to just tell it a press person to try harder try harder is
press person to try harder try harder is
press person to try harder try harder is not encouraging it is not moving the
not encouraging it is not moving the
not encouraging it is not moving the depressed person toward courage it is an
depressed person toward courage it is an
depressed person toward courage it is an indictment
indictment
indictment it is a scold depression drains you and
it is a scold depression drains you and
it is a scold depression drains you and you’re not going to be able to try
you’re not going to be able to try
you’re not going to be able to try anything without some kind of infusion
anything without some kind of infusion
anything without some kind of infusion of
of
of gee and hope because you have to believe
gee and hope because you have to believe
gee and hope because you have to believe that what you’re doing is gonna make a
that what you’re doing is gonna make a
that what you’re doing is gonna make a difference
difference
difference building capacity with the depressed is
building capacity with the depressed is
building capacity with the depressed is not about becoming more it’s about
not about becoming more it’s about
not about becoming more it’s about becoming your true self your full self
becoming your true self your full self
becoming your true self your full self and it’s about letting go of ideas or
and it’s about letting go of ideas or
and it’s about letting go of ideas or behaviors that entrap or constrain you
I’ve read it’s true children and I’ve
I’ve read it’s true children and I’ve never outgrown it to be effective we
never outgrown it to be effective we
never outgrown it to be effective we need something we do well a place of
need something we do well a place of
need something we do well a place of competency it’s an anchor in a starting
competency it’s an anchor in a starting
competency it’s an anchor in a starting place for exploring the world and it’s a
place for exploring the world and it’s a
place for exploring the world and it’s a fortress to return to when the new or
fortress to return to when the new or
fortress to return to when the new or the unexpected overwhelms mine is
the unexpected overwhelms mine is
the unexpected overwhelms mine is writing I can’t tell you how many times
writing I can’t tell you how many times
writing I can’t tell you how many times over the years I have had this need to
over the years I have had this need to
over the years I have had this need to write keyboard paper it doesn’t matter
write keyboard paper it doesn’t matter
write keyboard paper it doesn’t matter and most people don’t seem to understand
and most people don’t seem to understand
and most people don’t seem to understand I barely understand except I know the
I barely understand except I know the
I barely understand except I know the relief I feel once I have written I
relief I feel once I have written I
relief I feel once I have written I eventually made the connection that
eventually made the connection that
eventually made the connection that writing being my place of competency
writing being my place of competency
writing being my place of competency built my confidence and confidence was a
built my confidence and confidence was a
built my confidence and confidence was a way to gather energy writing anchored me
way to gather energy writing anchored me
way to gather energy writing anchored me and kept me as level as I was it was a
and kept me as level as I was it was a
and kept me as level as I was it was a way to connect with God it was a
way to connect with God it was a
way to connect with God it was a connection to other people it was a way
connection to other people it was a way
connection to other people it was a way to name things that needed naming before
to name things that needed naming before
to name things that needed naming before I could deal with them in real life I
I could deal with them in real life I
I could deal with them in real life I like to define courage this ideal of
like to define courage this ideal of
like to define courage this ideal of health that I’m striving for in two
health that I’m striving for in two
health that I’m striving for in two parts there is this awareness of risk or
parts there is this awareness of risk or
parts there is this awareness of risk or danger and a willingness to endure it to
danger and a willingness to endure it to
danger and a willingness to endure it to push through despite the danger
push through despite the danger
push through despite the danger competency is a stepping stone to
competency is a stepping stone to
competency is a stepping stone to courage because it means that this
courage because it means that this
courage because it means that this decision is a little less crazy it’s a
decision is a little less crazy it’s a
decision is a little less crazy it’s a little more doable we’re not slinging
little more doable we’re not slinging
little more doable we’re not slinging ourselves naked into the void we have
ourselves naked into the void we have
ourselves naked into the void we have this strong rope and a harness we bring
this strong rope and a harness we bring
this strong rope and a harness we bring skill and hope and expectation into the
skill and hope and expectation into the
skill and hope and expectation into the decision to act
unfortunately at some point I picked up
unfortunately at some point I picked up a really twisted sense of checks and
a really twisted sense of checks and
a really twisted sense of checks and balances I refuse to let go of this
balances I refuse to let go of this
balances I refuse to let go of this strength but as a result I felt that I
strength but as a result I felt that I
strength but as a result I felt that I needed to equally own my weaknesses my
needed to equally own my weaknesses my
needed to equally own my weaknesses my brokenness it’s only fair so that meant
brokenness it’s only fair so that meant
brokenness it’s only fair so that meant that anything critical someone so wanted
that anything critical someone so wanted
that anything critical someone so wanted to sit someone wanted to say to me I’d
to sit someone wanted to say to me I’d
to sit someone wanted to say to me I’d take it this litany of my faults and my
take it this litany of my faults and my
take it this litany of my faults and my flaws and I just heard these things on
flaws and I just heard these things on
flaws and I just heard these things on loop in my head one of the most
loop in my head one of the most
loop in my head one of the most insidious things about depression is
insidious things about depression is
insidious things about depression is that it creates the environment in which
that it creates the environment in which
that it creates the environment in which it is most likely to thrive isolation
it is most likely to thrive isolation
it is most likely to thrive isolation confusion and often destructive thinking
confusion and often destructive thinking
confusion and often destructive thinking one form of destructive thinking is this
one form of destructive thinking is this
one form of destructive thinking is this thing called rumination it’s fixating on
thing called rumination it’s fixating on
thing called rumination it’s fixating on negative thoughts or problems to the
negative thoughts or problems to the
negative thoughts or problems to the point that they interrupt your life now
point that they interrupt your life now
point that they interrupt your life now we all know that thinking about our
we all know that thinking about our
we all know that thinking about our problems is an important way of solving
problems is an important way of solving
problems is an important way of solving them but there is a point of diminishing
them but there is a point of diminishing
them but there is a point of diminishing returns
returns
returns rumination takes our loose thoughts and
rumination takes our loose thoughts and
rumination takes our loose thoughts and winds them up together into a tangled
winds them up together into a tangled
winds them up together into a tangled almost tangible mass that adds to the
almost tangible mass that adds to the
almost tangible mass that adds to the weight we’re carrying in depression so I
weight we’re carrying in depression so I
weight we’re carrying in depression so I heard these words and I took them cruel
heard these words and I took them cruel
heard these words and I took them cruel words Reeb a turing my bruised heart
words Reeb a turing my bruised heart
words Reeb a turing my bruised heart until one day I was washing dishes this
until one day I was washing dishes this
until one day I was washing dishes this flow of words was suddenly interrupted
flow of words was suddenly interrupted
flow of words was suddenly interrupted and I heard this question that I still
and I heard this question that I still
and I heard this question that I still wonder might have been from the heart of
wonder might have been from the heart of
wonder might have been from the heart of God and it asked me if I would speak
God and it asked me if I would speak
God and it asked me if I would speak this way to my sweet friend Jana and of
this way to my sweet friend Jana and of
this way to my sweet friend Jana and of course my mind instantly replayed what
course my mind instantly replayed what
course my mind instantly replayed what it had been playing and I was horrified
it had been playing and I was horrified
it had been playing and I was horrified tears running down my face no never
tears running down my face no never
tears running down my face no never she’s too good she’s too fragile she’s
she’s too good she’s too fragile she’s
she’s too good she’s too fragile she’s too precious all of my protective love
too precious all of my protective love
too precious all of my protective love rose up in sorrow that she’d be so
rose up in sorrow that she’d be so
rose up in sorrow that she’d be so abused
abused
abused I started reframing how how it could be
I started reframing how how it could be
I started reframing how how it could be said differently and then wondering if
said differently and then wondering if
said differently and then wondering if it even needed
it even needed
it even needed he said at all and the next question was
he said at all and the next question was
he said at all and the next question was then why speak to any of my children
then why speak to any of my children
then why speak to any of my children that way because I am one of these love
that way because I am one of these love
that way because I am one of these love children of God and this is when I began
children of God and this is when I began
children of God and this is when I began to understand the destructive power of
to understand the destructive power of
to understand the destructive power of rumination there was grace margin
rumination there was grace margin
rumination there was grace margin acceptance of imperfection for everyone
acceptance of imperfection for everyone
acceptance of imperfection for everyone but me somehow I was supposed to be good
but me somehow I was supposed to be good
but me somehow I was supposed to be good enough that I didn’t need it
ever since then if correction doesn’t
ever since then if correction doesn’t come with gentleness I have a free pass
come with gentleness I have a free pass
come with gentleness I have a free pass to ignore it
to ignore it
to ignore it the God I know my source of love and
the God I know my source of love and
the God I know my source of love and correction doesn’t need cruelty to teach
correction doesn’t need cruelty to teach
correction doesn’t need cruelty to teach me this understanding tumbled me to the
me this understanding tumbled me to the
me this understanding tumbled me to the next step and it made me laugh a little
next step and it made me laugh a little
next step and it made me laugh a little bit because on paper it’s the opposite
bit because on paper it’s the opposite
bit because on paper it’s the opposite of the competency I found so valuable
of the competency I found so valuable
of the competency I found so valuable I call it failure and my favorite way to
I call it failure and my favorite way to
I call it failure and my favorite way to describe this stepping stone is by man
describe this stepping stone is by man
describe this stepping stone is by man named GK Chesterton who wrote if the
named GK Chesterton who wrote if the
named GK Chesterton who wrote if the thing is worth doing it is worth doing
thing is worth doing it is worth doing
thing is worth doing it is worth doing badly and it was permission to do what I
badly and it was permission to do what I
badly and it was permission to do what I loved whatever level I was at I began to
loved whatever level I was at I began to
loved whatever level I was at I began to give enjoyment more of a deciding vote
give enjoyment more of a deciding vote
give enjoyment more of a deciding vote I used my limited energy to make sure
I used my limited energy to make sure
I used my limited energy to make sure every day contained light and beauty and
every day contained light and beauty and
every day contained light and beauty and that sustained my energy I found writing
that sustained my energy I found writing
that sustained my energy I found writing friends who were proud of my writing
friends who were proud of my writing
friends who were proud of my writing that was something I could do without
that was something I could do without
that was something I could do without trying harder I just showed up at writer
trying harder I just showed up at writer
trying harder I just showed up at writer events and met people I clicked with
events and met people I clicked with
events and met people I clicked with writing connected my inner world my mind
writing connected my inner world my mind
writing connected my inner world my mind my imagination to my body because that’s
my imagination to my body because that’s
my imagination to my body because that’s what did the writing to supportive
what did the writing to supportive
what did the writing to supportive relationships it was the first time I
relationships it was the first time I
relationships it was the first time I realized how integrated all of me is
what accepting failure let me do was to
what accepting failure let me do was to separate myself a bit from this
separate myself a bit from this
separate myself a bit from this imperative of figuring everything out I
imperative of figuring everything out I
imperative of figuring everything out I shifted my focus away from the things I
shifted my focus away from the things I
shifted my focus away from the things I didn’t know and managed my limited
didn’t know and managed my limited
didn’t know and managed my limited energy by limiting what I focused on
energy by limiting what I focused on
energy by limiting what I focused on I picked relationships writing and
I picked relationships writing and
I picked relationships writing and healthy food now accepting failure
healthy food now accepting failure
healthy food now accepting failure builds into this courage the same way
builds into this courage the same way
builds into this courage the same way that competency did it makes failure it
that competency did it makes failure it
that competency did it makes failure it makes courage a less crazy thing to lean
makes courage a less crazy thing to lean
makes courage a less crazy thing to lean into that bottomless pit that I’ve been
into that bottomless pit that I’ve been
into that bottomless pit that I’ve been fearing isn’t quite bottomless so by
fearing isn’t quite bottomless so by
fearing isn’t quite bottomless so by limiting what I focused on I limited my
limiting what I focused on I limited my
limiting what I focused on I limited my risk but I also was able to look
risk but I also was able to look
risk but I also was able to look straight at what was building my energy
straight at what was building my energy
straight at what was building my energy what was helping me to become more of
what was helping me to become more of
what was helping me to become more of who I was I focused on relationships
who I was I focused on relationships
who I was I focused on relationships meaning I spent time with people who
meaning I spent time with people who
meaning I spent time with people who valued me who genuinely liked me and I
valued me who genuinely liked me and I
valued me who genuinely liked me and I leaned into writing because I knew it
leaned into writing because I knew it
leaned into writing because I knew it was so strong it was the healthy eating
was so strong it was the healthy eating
was so strong it was the healthy eating part that ended up surprising me and
part that ended up surprising me and
part that ended up surprising me and linking me the rest of the way to
linking me the rest of the way to
linking me the rest of the way to courage in ways I hadn’t anticipated now
courage in ways I hadn’t anticipated now
courage in ways I hadn’t anticipated now a while back I stopped eating gluten and
a while back I stopped eating gluten and
a while back I stopped eating gluten and soy ingredients for reasons having
soy ingredients for reasons having
soy ingredients for reasons having nothing to do with my depression for one
nothing to do with my depression for one
nothing to do with my depression for one thing I don’t get migraines when I don’t
thing I don’t get migraines when I don’t
thing I don’t get migraines when I don’t eat soy and that’s highly motivating but
eat soy and that’s highly motivating but
eat soy and that’s highly motivating but eliminating two of the most common
eliminating two of the most common
eliminating two of the most common ingredients in modern society meant that
ingredients in modern society meant that
ingredients in modern society meant that I was stuck making most of my food from
I was stuck making most of my food from
I was stuck making most of my food from scratch completely by accident i
scratch completely by accident i
scratch completely by accident i discovered mindfulness now mindfulness
discovered mindfulness now mindfulness
discovered mindfulness now mindfulness is something the scientific community
is something the scientific community
is something the scientific community has studied for a couple of decades now
has studied for a couple of decades now
has studied for a couple of decades now it’s an ancient traditional art that is
it’s an ancient traditional art that is
it’s an ancient traditional art that is frequently described as a focus on
frequently described as a focus on
frequently described as a focus on stillness and breath and there is a lot
stillness and breath and there is a lot
stillness and breath and there is a lot of research about how mindfulness is
of research about how mindfulness is
of research about how mindfulness is very effective in managing depression
very effective in managing depression
very effective in managing depression and I skimmed that research and
and I skimmed that research and
and I skimmed that research and my massive amounts of reading but I
my massive amounts of reading but I
my massive amounts of reading but I never really took the time to be still
never really took the time to be still
never really took the time to be still except for the last 10 seconds of maybe
except for the last 10 seconds of maybe
except for the last 10 seconds of maybe a microwave cup of tea or cocoa when I
a microwave cup of tea or cocoa when I
a microwave cup of tea or cocoa when I didn’t want to be racing off somewhere
didn’t want to be racing off somewhere
didn’t want to be racing off somewhere else
else
else 10 seconds I’d stand there breathing
10 seconds I’d stand there breathing
10 seconds I’d stand there breathing deep and slow and I could tell the
deep and slow and I could tell the
deep and slow and I could tell the difference and it was nice but I never
difference and it was nice but I never
difference and it was nice but I never took any more time except I did in all
took any more time except I did in all
took any more time except I did in all of these different resources mindfulness
of these different resources mindfulness
of these different resources mindfulness was described in a similar way the short
was described in a similar way the short
was described in a similar way the short version is paying attention in the
version is paying attention in the
version is paying attention in the moment in the moment throughout hours of
moment in the moment throughout hours of
moment in the moment throughout hours of cumulative chopping I insisted on sharp
cumulative chopping I insisted on sharp
cumulative chopping I insisted on sharp knives sharp knives are remarkably
knives sharp knives are remarkably
knives sharp knives are remarkably motivating when it comes to paying
motivating when it comes to paying
motivating when it comes to paying attention in the moment I was practicing
attention in the moment I was practicing
attention in the moment I was practicing and still practice a rather intense form
and still practice a rather intense form
and still practice a rather intense form of mindfulness that I never read about
of mindfulness that I never read about
of mindfulness that I never read about in one of those books but I can tell the
in one of those books but I can tell the
in one of those books but I can tell the way it settles me and orders my thinking
way it settles me and orders my thinking
way it settles me and orders my thinking now I’ve been talking about courage in
now I’ve been talking about courage in
now I’ve been talking about courage in these two parts it was very early in my
these two parts it was very early in my
these two parts it was very early in my depression that I realized I was already
depression that I realized I was already
depression that I realized I was already enduring consciously enduring because no
enduring consciously enduring because no
enduring consciously enduring because no matter how low I was I had three
matter how low I was I had three
matter how low I was I had three dependent kids and they needed me
dependent kids and they needed me
dependent kids and they needed me mindfulness took me the rest of the way
mindfulness took me the rest of the way
mindfulness took me the rest of the way to this health I call courage because
to this health I call courage because
to this health I call courage because was that becoming aware part if you
was that becoming aware part if you
was that becoming aware part if you don’t know what you’re agreeing to it
don’t know what you’re agreeing to it
don’t know what you’re agreeing to it can’t really count as courage even if a
can’t really count as courage even if a
can’t really count as courage even if a risk is as under epic as disappointing
risk is as under epic as disappointing
risk is as under epic as disappointing someone or risking rejection it still
someone or risking rejection it still
someone or risking rejection it still creates fear that I must endure I must
creates fear that I must endure I must
creates fear that I must endure I must face in order to be my most effective
but all this I understood far after the
but all this I understood far after the fact my competency in writing accepting
fact my competency in writing accepting
fact my competency in writing accepting failure without ruminating on it
failure without ruminating on it
failure without ruminating on it discovering mindfulness through sharp
discovering mindfulness through sharp
discovering mindfulness through sharp knives and microwave countdowns these
knives and microwave countdowns these
knives and microwave countdowns these things all
things all
things all pulled me thread by thread out of this
pulled me thread by thread out of this
pulled me thread by thread out of this tight ball and wound myself into there’s
tight ball and wound myself into there’s
tight ball and wound myself into there’s a man named Rushworth Kidder who wrote a
a man named Rushworth Kidder who wrote a
a man named Rushworth Kidder who wrote a book called moral courage where he takes
book called moral courage where he takes
book called moral courage where he takes the two-part definition and adds a third
the two-part definition and adds a third
the two-part definition and adds a third element driving principles this is the
element driving principles this is the
element driving principles this is the this is the motivation this is the why
this is the motivation this is the why
this is the motivation this is the why we choose to endure what we are enduring
we choose to endure what we are enduring
we choose to endure what we are enduring am i learning how to fail am i learning
am i learning how to fail am i learning
am i learning how to fail am i learning to value myself based on how much I
to value myself based on how much I
to value myself based on how much I valued other people this shaped the
valued other people this shaped the
valued other people this shaped the third component of my growing courage
third component of my growing courage
third component of my growing courage now I can’t say I was thinking much
now I can’t say I was thinking much
now I can’t say I was thinking much about courage in the early years of this
about courage in the early years of this
about courage in the early years of this fight but after seven years and still
fight but after seven years and still
fight but after seven years and still facing depression sometimes I realized
facing depression sometimes I realized
facing depression sometimes I realized that I’m no longer seeing depression as
that I’m no longer seeing depression as
that I’m no longer seeing depression as this huge and amorphous blob that pushes
this huge and amorphous blob that pushes
this huge and amorphous blob that pushes me under and makes me fear all drown I
me under and makes me fear all drown I
me under and makes me fear all drown I push back against isolation against
push back against isolation against
push back against isolation against negative attitudes against immobility
negative attitudes against immobility
negative attitudes against immobility and I focus on this place of value I am
and I focus on this place of value I am
and I focus on this place of value I am valuable before God to my friends my
valuable before God to my friends my
valuable before God to my friends my family to myself I don’t focus on all
family to myself I don’t focus on all
family to myself I don’t focus on all the against I think about my favorite
the against I think about my favorite
the against I think about my favorite definition of hope the assurance that
definition of hope the assurance that
definition of hope the assurance that now is not permanent and I focus on what
now is not permanent and I focus on what
now is not permanent and I focus on what I am pursuing I am pursuing courage
I am pursuing I am pursuing courage
I am pursuing I am pursuing courage thank
you
you [Applause]
”
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