“Fake it ’til you make it” or “Pretend until it’s true.”
One of the most dangerous cult phrases on the Internet.
Everyone wants to be self-confident, but not everyone knows how.
Bloggers are often asked this question, because it seems to the viewer,
that if a person lives through a cell,
he just can not help but be confident.
I get this question every day in letters, comments
about as often as “How do I learn English?”,
“How much do you weigh?”, “What is your height?”.
And people are interested to know how I became self-confident,
how I stopped paying attention to public opinion
and how I fell in love with myself completely.
I would like to start with this, or rather, even with dislike for myself.
Where did she come from?
When I asked myself this question, I found the answer quickly enough:
from my mother, from her insecurity.
And my mother got it from her mother, only there are two big differences.
My grandmother shamed and humiliated her daughter for being too thin.
To me these complexes were transferred, projected,
because my mother was not confident when I was a child.
That is, seeing how she does not love herself, how she looks in the mirror
and criticizes her long thin legs, she does not like her nose, eyes,
I began to understand as a child that it’s normal – not to love yourself,
it’s normal – to look for some kind of flaws in yourself.
And despite the fact that my mother never told me that I’m fat, ugly,
she had a special way, my favorite way is hints.
“Masha, do you really want to eat this bun? Are you sure you want to wear those shorts? “
And for me it was much more toxic,
than just in the forehead to say: “Masha, you have recovered.”
Fortunately, at this time the beloved period of all began, I think –
a school where no one offends you, where you are encouraged, if you are different
from others in appearance or according to how you think or speak.
I have an answer, very short, two answers, how I fell in love with myself.
The first is the realization that all my shortcomings and flaws –
this is part of me, this is what forms me from within.
One woman close to me said that if I had not had my scars, burns,
and they go by my right hand, chest and neck,
and they have me since 11 months, that is my whole life, –
she said, if I did not have them: a) I would be a completely different person,
b) I would have a completely different environment,
c) I would be a bitch, which confirms why I would have another environment.
And, most importantly, I would have a completely different life.
I do not know what it would be for a life where I would not have scars,
but I know what my life is now,
and most likely I would not stand today on this scene in that other life.
And the second – I know that it will be a surprise for you, –
we have one body, and this body is with us all our lives.
I think people forget to remind themselves of this.
We are standing in front of a mirror, telling ourselves that we are fat,
that at us folds, we take ourselves for a pussy, we draw.
We are trying to hide our wrinkles, our stretches, our cellulite.
And what does our body, our body, do? He plows on us 24 hours a day.
He plows on us, when we get sick, when we eat,
when we are sad, when we are happy, the body plows on us.
What are we doing again?
We are exhausting ourselves in the hall or not moving enough.
We sit on strict diets or, conversely, eat poorly.
We do not sleep enough, but the body plows on us.
Why is it so dangerous to pretend that you are confident in yourself,
and why is this ineffective?
The first, and most importantly, is authenticity.
Agree, in my opinion it is very logical that if you pretend, then you are dishonest.
You deceive yourself and others – it’s tedious.
If you pretend, that’s all you think about.
Do you think about whether I’m right? Did I raise it correctly, put my hand down?
Am I right? With the right intonation I say?
Therefore, what oppresses you, then, from what you want to get rid of,
becomes the center of your thoughts.
And most importantly – short-term.
It is impossible to pretend long for someone, it definitely will not give a long-term effect.
Surely you know, heard that if you hold the pencil in your mouth,
then it will go to the brain, the brain will think that you are smiling, you are happy, –
and you will become happy.
It sounds great, but never worked for me or for my friends.
But also for sure you know about strong postures, these power poses,
that implies somehow opened shoulders,
open hands in this or that place.
Too great, too, can give some kind of push,
a fleeting sense of confidence, but it seems to me,
that if you put you in a room and told you
do these postures at some kind of conversation or if you give a speech,
if you leave this room, then, that bear these poses, you will not remain.
That is, if you artificially make these poses,
they will not be anything more than artificial poses.
Confidence in you will not remain, and she will not come through these poses.
Another confirmation I found in the instagram and in the instagramers themselves.
Thousands of people every day lay out posts about natural beauty,
about love for yourself, about confidence, and they do it under what?
Under over-photographed photos
or photos processed in Facetune.
Of course, no one would ever give me my photos before and after processing,
so I just took from Facetune the photos that Facetune himself says:
“Look how cool you can be if you fix your teeth,
if you take away for some reason your piercing, your birthmark.
If you make your face inhumanly obscured, you will become classy. “
What I can say is that when a person removes his pimple,
when he incredibly photoshoot his face, a man does not like himself.
He does not feel confident, and he does not accept himself.
He does not accept himself as he is right now.
Since I communicate with bloggers every day of my life –
sometimes I go with them to press tours, which allows me to plunge as much as possible
in their lives and to fully understand the other person, –
I do not miss the opportunity, and if I see that a person enjoys Facetune with me,
I ask: “Why do you use it?”
or, more importantly, “Why do you want to upload this photo,
if you obviously do not like yourself here, if you want to change yourself? “
Of course, nobody likes this question,
people immediately clamped, they become uncomfortable.
Sometimes there is an aggressive defensive reaction to this question,
but again everyone says that “I want to look better in photography”
or “I want to remember myself this way,
how I myself now re-photographed, and not as I am. “
So I realized that the main thing that every person should do,
it is to accept yourself as it is now.
That is not that I will fall in love with myself when I lose weight
or when I cure my skin, namely now.
It seems to me that the logical question that is already coming to me,
which, perhaps, you have, is:
“Masha, are you not deceiving us? Are you deceiving yourself?
And how different is your image in life from that,
what do you show in a video or a photo? “I say:” Minimal. “
I also say that it is better to ask my friends,
because they just have a more objective look at it.
I created the channel four and a half years ago
and almost immediately began to receive comments from people with the words:
“Masha, you’re so different from other bloggers, you’re real,
you do not build anybody out of yourself. “
Of course, I agreed with this, because it seemed strange to me, but how else can I?
Then I realized that in most cases, bloggers create a character,
and this is not good and not bad – it was necessary to begin with,
that it’s not bad and not good, it’s absolutely normal.
Bloggers sometimes sometimes create themselves this person.
They want to look more ridiculous, more confident, richer,
sometimes poorer, so as not to peek at the eye again,
I do not know, with my designer bags.
And I just decided to show my life as it is,
with all the same falls and ups.
I feel absolutely calm without makeup
or in leaky stretched exercises.
I can calmly give some snobbish comment, because I am so in life.
I do not consider it necessary to change myself somehow.
Partly, why do not I lie on the channel, because I’m not lying in life.
Why do not I lie in life? Because I do not want to remember my lies.
The same on YouTube – it would be incredibly tiring
Each time, including the camera, remember which character I’m playing.
And just to not do this, so that my audience would not be surprised,
that for the person before us suddenly appeared, I just decided: I will be Masha Novosad.
So, what I want is that each of you and all the people I meet,
endured from communicating with me and, in principle, did every day?
Stop yourself constantly blaming, stop blaming yourself,
look for some kind of flaws in yourself, because you are alone.
And you need to live with yourself for a second, until the end of your life.
And your body is also one, and you will hardly be given another.
There are organs that you can replace,
but you need to take care of them all your life.
Therefore, please, love yourself, accept yourself and take care of yourself.
And remember that pretending to be confident, you will never become confident.
Therefore believe in it, live it and be it.
And then it will become true.
Thank you.
(Applause)
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