imagine this I’m in Tanzania and I am about to enter the airport in dar Salam
about to enter the airport in dar Salam
about to enter the airport in dar Salam I have a large suitcase with elephant
I have a large suitcase with elephant
I have a large suitcase with elephant tusks inside trying to put all the bags
tusks inside trying to put all the bags
tusks inside trying to put all the bags in together to try to mask and the bags
in together to try to mask and the bags
in together to try to mask and the bags go through and then he says the worst
go through and then he says the worst
go through and then he says the worst thing an airport official could possibly
thing an airport official could possibly
thing an airport official could possibly say in a moment like that
say in a moment like that
say in a moment like that he says open that bag I opened the bag
he says open that bag I opened the bag
he says open that bag I opened the bag and there’s really no getting around it
and there’s really no getting around it
and there’s really no getting around it I lift the tusks out and all hell breaks
I lift the tusks out and all hell breaks
I lift the tusks out and all hell breaks loose so what I haven’t told you is that
loose so what I haven’t told you is that
loose so what I haven’t told you is that these elephant tusks were fake I had
these elephant tusks were fake I had
these elephant tusks were fake I had them made by a taxidermist in New Jersey
them made by a taxidermist in New Jersey
them made by a taxidermist in New Jersey in George Dante and he’s the taxidermist
in George Dante and he’s the taxidermist
in George Dante and he’s the taxidermist for the American Museum of Natural
for the American Museum of Natural
for the American Museum of Natural History and I went to him and I said
History and I went to him and I said
History and I went to him and I said George I need perfect elephant tusks and
George I need perfect elephant tusks and
George I need perfect elephant tusks and inside I want to put the satellite base
inside I want to put the satellite base
inside I want to put the satellite base GPS system I’m going to take these tusks
GPS system I’m going to take these tusks
GPS system I’m going to take these tusks over to Africa and I’m going to use them
over to Africa and I’m going to use them
over to Africa and I’m going to use them in the black market
in the black market
in the black market he said I’ve never done anything like
he said I’ve never done anything like
he said I’ve never done anything like this and he said Brian let me get this
this and he said Brian let me get this
this and he said Brian let me get this straight
straight
straight are you telling me you could get killed
are you telling me you could get killed
are you telling me you could get killed if they don’t believe that these are
if they don’t believe that these are
if they don’t believe that these are real I said it’s going to be very
real I said it’s going to be very
real I said it’s going to be very important George takes a couple of
important George takes a couple of
important George takes a couple of months he has made these perfect tusks
months he has made these perfect tusks
months he has made these perfect tusks they have the right feel as the right
they have the right feel as the right
they have the right feel as the right look he has the right density and the
look he has the right density and the
look he has the right density and the right sound you know if you cut a tusk
right sound you know if you cut a tusk
right sound you know if you cut a tusk in half like cutting a tree there are
in half like cutting a tree there are
in half like cutting a tree there are rings inside he’s painted those
rings inside he’s painted those
rings inside he’s painted those hand-painted he’s painted all the little
hand-painted he’s painted all the little
hand-painted he’s painted all the little cracks along the tusk it was
cracks along the tusk it was
cracks along the tusk it was extraordinary the elephants are under
extraordinary the elephants are under
extraordinary the elephants are under siege and this isn’t just a animal
siege and this isn’t just a animal
siege and this isn’t just a animal problem the Rangers on the ground
problem the Rangers on the ground
problem the Rangers on the ground protecting these elephants are being
protecting these elephants are being
protecting these elephants are being killed and the ivory is being used to
killed and the ivory is being used to
killed and the ivory is being used to fund terrorist organizations operating
fund terrorist organizations operating
fund terrorist organizations operating in Africa so this is a human problem as
in Africa so this is a human problem as
in Africa so this is a human problem as well as an animal
well as an animal
well as an animal it’s one we have to do better on so I’m
it’s one we have to do better on so I’m
it’s one we have to do better on so I’m telling the Tanzanian Airport official
telling the Tanzanian Airport official
telling the Tanzanian Airport official that these are fake that I’ve had them
that these are fake that I’ve had them
that these are fake that I’ve had them made the numb it’s part of a study I’m
made the numb it’s part of a study I’m
made the numb it’s part of a study I’m doing and he starts to believe me and
doing and he starts to believe me and
doing and he starts to believe me and then behind him people start pointing at
then behind him people start pointing at
then behind him people start pointing at the x-ray machine and say no it’s not
the x-ray machine and say no it’s not
the x-ray machine and say no it’s not ivory he’s looking at the electronics
ivory he’s looking at the electronics
ivory he’s looking at the electronics inside the tusks he says that’s not an
inside the tusks he says that’s not an
inside the tusks he says that’s not an elephant tusks that’s a bomb and then it
elephant tusks that’s a bomb and then it
elephant tusks that’s a bomb and then it was about as bad as it’s it’s ever
was about as bad as it’s it’s ever
was about as bad as it’s it’s ever gotten for me in terms of being gone on
gotten for me in terms of being gone on
gotten for me in terms of being gone on this a as a criminal the police grabbed
this a as a criminal the police grabbed
this a as a criminal the police grabbed me and took me to an interrogation room
me and took me to an interrogation room
me and took me to an interrogation room and then things went from kind of
and then things went from kind of
and then things went from kind of amusing won’t this make a good story to
amusing won’t this make a good story to
amusing won’t this make a good story to okay this is real the next morning all
okay this is real the next morning all
okay this is real the next morning all the officials coming after five or six
the officials coming after five or six
the officials coming after five or six hours because they’re mostly convinced
hours because they’re mostly convinced
hours because they’re mostly convinced they’re convinced enough to let me go
they’re convinced enough to let me go
they’re convinced enough to let me go it’s put it that way there were some
it’s put it that way there were some
it’s put it that way there were some people who never stopped believing ours
people who never stopped believing ours
people who never stopped believing ours that was real life after everything was
that was real life after everything was
that was real life after everything was over after they said okay we’re free to
over after they said okay we’re free to
over after they said okay we’re free to go many of the officials who arrested me
go many of the officials who arrested me
go many of the officials who arrested me came to the airport to say goodbye
came to the airport to say goodbye
came to the airport to say goodbye they’ve all become Facebook friends
they’ve all become Facebook friends
they’ve all become Facebook friends I don’t get in too much trouble but
I don’t get in too much trouble but
I don’t get in too much trouble but occasionally I get in a lot of trouble
occasionally I get in a lot of trouble
occasionally I get in a lot of trouble [Music]
you
you [Music]
”
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