my father says I wrote my first poem when I was five our family dog Biff had
when I was five our family dog Biff had
when I was five our family dog Biff had just ran away
just ran away
just ran away Biff was special he was the first to
Biff was special he was the first to
Biff was special he was the first to bust out from our backyard fence and the
bust out from our backyard fence and the
bust out from our backyard fence and the first to never come back in the midst of
first to never come back in the midst of
first to never come back in the midst of my confusion and my sister sadness I ran
my confusion and my sister sadness I ran
my confusion and my sister sadness I ran to my room and pulled out a crayon in a
to my room and pulled out a crayon in a
to my room and pulled out a crayon in a piece of paper my first poem was only
piece of paper my first poem was only
piece of paper my first poem was only one line Biff is gone that one line
one line Biff is gone that one line
one line Biff is gone that one line became a part of what poet Carolyn
became a part of what poet Carolyn
became a part of what poet Carolyn forshay calls the poetry of witness a
forshay calls the poetry of witness a
forshay calls the poetry of witness a poetics that asks readers at bare
poetics that asks readers at bare
poetics that asks readers at bare minimum to recognize that which happened
minimum to recognize that which happened
minimum to recognize that which happened power and privilege make it possible for
power and privilege make it possible for
power and privilege make it possible for us to do the opposite to dismiss someone
us to do the opposite to dismiss someone
us to do the opposite to dismiss someone else’s experience to make them feel
else’s experience to make them feel
else’s experience to make them feel invisible but when we choose to
invisible but when we choose to
invisible but when we choose to acknowledge someone else’s lived and
acknowledge someone else’s lived and
acknowledge someone else’s lived and heavy moments we hold a powerful space
heavy moments we hold a powerful space
heavy moments we hold a powerful space for them to truly feel seen I’m not
for them to truly feel seen I’m not
for them to truly feel seen I’m not advocating that everyone drop what
advocating that everyone drop what
advocating that everyone drop what they’re doing to become poets I’m simply
they’re doing to become poets I’m simply
they’re doing to become poets I’m simply suggesting that we all have the presence
suggesting that we all have the presence
suggesting that we all have the presence of mind to become someone else’s witness
of mind to become someone else’s witness
of mind to become someone else’s witness I was fortunate enough to witness my
I was fortunate enough to witness my
I was fortunate enough to witness my great-grandmother
great-grandmother
great-grandmother to have her around well into my 20s
to have her around well into my 20s
to have her around well into my 20s Jessie Maria the hizzouse or Nana as I
Jessie Maria the hizzouse or Nana as I
Jessie Maria the hizzouse or Nana as I called her was a tough cookie but she
called her was a tough cookie but she
called her was a tough cookie but she and I had a special relationship I felt
and I had a special relationship I felt
and I had a special relationship I felt super important around her when I was a
super important around her when I was a
super important around her when I was a young boy we used to sit at her kitchen
young boy we used to sit at her kitchen
young boy we used to sit at her kitchen table and while she peeled oranges for
table and while she peeled oranges for
table and while she peeled oranges for us she would tell me all about her life
us she would tell me all about her life
us she would tell me all about her life the orange rinds became a spritz of
the orange rinds became a spritz of
the orange rinds became a spritz of citrus the perfume to her stories in
citrus the perfume to her stories in
citrus the perfume to her stories in 1918 when Anna was just eight years old
1918 when Anna was just eight years old
1918 when Anna was just eight years old her mother died of the Spanish
her mother died of the Spanish
her mother died of the Spanish influenza months later her father
influenza months later her father
influenza months later her father remarried and then wound up dying of the
remarried and then wound up dying of the
remarried and then wound up dying of the same virus within one year the two
same virus within one year the two
same virus within one year the two people who could validate her life were
people who could validate her life were
people who could validate her life were gone non on her siblings were left with
gone non on her siblings were left with
gone non on her siblings were left with a woman who would not acknowledge them
a woman who would not acknowledge them
a woman who would not acknowledge them she used to tell me with a tight lip how
she used to tell me with a tight lip how
she used to tell me with a tight lip how she was left to care for her younger
she was left to care for her younger
she was left to care for her younger brother who wound up dying of gangrene
brother who wound up dying of gangrene
brother who wound up dying of gangrene before he even had teeth
before he even had teeth
before he even had teeth I never said much I just watched and
I never said much I just watched and
I never said much I just watched and nodded and listened in the backdrop of
nodded and listened in the backdrop of
nodded and listened in the backdrop of Nana’s childhood was the upheaval of
Nana’s childhood was the upheaval of
Nana’s childhood was the upheaval of revolution in Mexico so much of her
revolution in Mexico so much of her
revolution in Mexico so much of her childhood was lost her immigration story
childhood was lost her immigration story
childhood was lost her immigration story began at a train station in ayahuasca en
began at a train station in ayahuasca en
began at a train station in ayahuasca en vez but still most of her baby teeth in
vez but still most of her baby teeth in
vez but still most of her baby teeth in her mouth she and her sister were sent
her mouth she and her sister were sent
her mouth she and her sister were sent across the border to live with a distant
across the border to live with a distant
across the border to live with a distant relative in El Paso by the time she was
relative in El Paso by the time she was
relative in El Paso by the time she was 14 years old she had hopped on another
14 years old she had hopped on another
14 years old she had hopped on another train this time headed for Los Angeles
train this time headed for Los Angeles
train this time headed for Los Angeles Nana arrived in downtown LA in 1924 a
Nana arrived in downtown LA in 1924 a
Nana arrived in downtown LA in 1924 a teenager in the Roaring Twenties it
teenager in the Roaring Twenties it
teenager in the Roaring Twenties it wasn’t long after that a cultural
wasn’t long after that a cultural
wasn’t long after that a cultural validation came when at a very young age
validation came when at a very young age
validation came when at a very young age she married my great-grandfather their
she married my great-grandfather their
she married my great-grandfather their violence their alcohol abuse and their
violence their alcohol abuse and their
violence their alcohol abuse and their eventual divorce nearly drowned the two
eventual divorce nearly drowned the two
eventual divorce nearly drowned the two of them in the end nan I lived to be 98
of them in the end nan I lived to be 98
of them in the end nan I lived to be 98 years old she was a fighter and by that
years old she was a fighter and by that
years old she was a fighter and by that I mean that she fought with most people
I mean that she fought with most people
I mean that she fought with most people in her life
one day while she violently resisted the
one day while she violently resisted the help of four nurses I walked into her
help of four nurses I walked into her
help of four nurses I walked into her hospital room and we locked eyes I
hospital room and we locked eyes I
hospital room and we locked eyes I remember taking a deep breath and
remember taking a deep breath and
remember taking a deep breath and feeling curious while a calming
feeling curious while a calming
feeling curious while a calming familiarity fell over her we didn’t use
familiarity fell over her we didn’t use
familiarity fell over her we didn’t use words but it was as though we were
words but it was as though we were
words but it was as though we were transported back to her kitchen table in
transported back to her kitchen table in
transported back to her kitchen table in that moment the nurses recognized and
that moment the nurses recognized and
that moment the nurses recognized and seized the moment itself to work as
seized the moment itself to work as
seized the moment itself to work as quickly as possible and my Nana remained
quickly as possible and my Nana remained
quickly as possible and my Nana remained still and calm through it all that day
still and calm through it all that day
still and calm through it all that day in her hospital room
in her hospital room
in her hospital room I stood there bearing witness to her
I stood there bearing witness to her
I stood there bearing witness to her suffering her confusion
suffering her confusion
suffering her confusion I didn’t rescue her from anything but I
I didn’t rescue her from anything but I
I didn’t rescue her from anything but I held the space for her to be
held the space for her to be
held the space for her to be acknowledged I believe we can heal our
acknowledged I believe we can heal our
acknowledged I believe we can heal our family wounds this way with
family wounds this way with
family wounds this way with acknowledgement and validation doctors
acknowledgement and validation doctors
acknowledgement and validation doctors Karen Hall and Melissa cook in their
Karen Hall and Melissa cook in their
Karen Hall and Melissa cook in their book the power of validation define it
book the power of validation define it
book the power of validation define it as the recognition and acceptance that
as the recognition and acceptance that
as the recognition and acceptance that someone has thoughts and feelings that
someone has thoughts and feelings that
someone has thoughts and feelings that are true and real to them regardless of
are true and real to them regardless of
are true and real to them regardless of logic or whether it makes sense to
logic or whether it makes sense to
logic or whether it makes sense to anyone else
anyone else
anyone else God Ament a.s mundo my father says if
God Ament a.s mundo my father says if
God Ament a.s mundo my father says if that’s true if every mind is a world all
that’s true if every mind is a world all
that’s true if every mind is a world all its own then our experience is very
its own then our experience is very
its own then our experience is very validation matters in their book Holland
validation matters in their book Holland
validation matters in their book Holland cook talked about six levels of
cook talked about six levels of
cook talked about six levels of validation but I’m only going to
validation but I’m only going to
validation but I’m only going to emphasize one for you today the first
emphasize one for you today the first
emphasize one for you today the first level and in my opinion the most
level and in my opinion the most
level and in my opinion the most important goes back to being present the
important goes back to being present the
important goes back to being present the next time you are confronted with a
next time you are confronted with a
next time you are confronted with a story of pain or suffering I invite you
story of pain or suffering I invite you
story of pain or suffering I invite you to hold space to breathe deeply and to
to hold space to breathe deeply and to
to hold space to breathe deeply and to stay there to really be a witness to
stay there to really be a witness to
stay there to really be a witness to someone else’s experience without
someone else’s experience without
someone else’s experience without minimizing it or trying to find an
minimizing it or trying to find an
minimizing it or trying to find an immediate fix what if everyone here
immediate fix what if everyone here
immediate fix what if everyone here today realized the healing power that
today realized the healing power that
today realized the healing power that you have simply by standing next to
you have simply by standing next to
you have simply by standing next to someone when they are hurting it isn’t
someone when they are hurting it isn’t
someone when they are hurting it isn’t always easy
always easy
always easy but the world needs that kind of healing
but the world needs that kind of healing
but the world needs that kind of healing right now my Nana’s healing came through
right now my Nana’s healing came through
right now my Nana’s healing came through her storytelling I’d like to share a
her storytelling I’d like to share a
her storytelling I’d like to share a poem with you that I wrote from snippets
poem with you that I wrote from snippets
poem with you that I wrote from snippets of her life it’s called getting here
of her life it’s called getting here
of her life it’s called getting here I was Chiquita one though my parents
I was Chiquita one though my parents
I was Chiquita one though my parents died we must have been Rico
died we must have been Rico
died we must have been Rico I remember servants and a big house I
I remember servants and a big house I
I remember servants and a big house I remember a little brother
remember a little brother
remember a little brother bettle I can’t remember su nombre there
bettle I can’t remember su nombre there
bettle I can’t remember su nombre there was a war going on or something a de
was a war going on or something a de
was a war going on or something a de just me and my sis so we fed our little
just me and my sis so we fed our little
just me and my sis so we fed our little brother bread that’s all there was
brother bread that’s all there was
brother bread that’s all there was pero él no tenía teeth and the pond
pero él no tenía teeth and the pond
pero él no tenía teeth and the pond well edit on hard he began to bleed
well edit on hard he began to bleed
well edit on hard he began to bleed pobrecito my sis and I we MOS con otros
pobrecito my sis and I we MOS con otros
pobrecito my sis and I we MOS con otros familia des a tea or somebody took us to
familia des a tea or somebody took us to
familia des a tea or somebody took us to live in el vaso
live in el vaso
live in el vaso see these teeth they’re American they
see these teeth they’re American they
see these teeth they’re American they were born here
were born here
were born here Savas gay I can’t even remember what my
Savas gay I can’t even remember what my
Savas gay I can’t even remember what my parents look like and I haven’t been
parents look like and I haven’t been
parents look like and I haven’t been back to Mexico since tampoco said what
back to Mexico since tampoco said what
back to Mexico since tampoco said what it looks like now my father say yo mama
it looks like now my father say yo mama
it looks like now my father say yo mama Valentin I must have been 14 for I
Valentin I must have been 14 for I
Valentin I must have been 14 for I cuando I hopped another train Los
cuando I hopped another train Los
cuando I hopped another train Los Angeles was different than you know my
Angeles was different than you know my
Angeles was different than you know my sis and I worked at a sewing factory
sis and I worked at a sewing factory
sis and I worked at a sewing factory right there off-broadway como se llama I
right there off-broadway como se llama I
right there off-broadway como se llama I forget look at my fingers Meeta some
forget look at my fingers Meeta some
forget look at my fingers Meeta some weekends my sis and I used to go hop a
weekends my sis and I used to go hop a
weekends my sis and I used to go hop a red car around then don’t yeah bad about
red car around then don’t yeah bad about
red car around then don’t yeah bad about I was on the big screen we used to go we
I was on the big screen we used to go we
I was on the big screen we used to go we used to watch s-salamu head is in black
used to watch s-salamu head is in black
used to watch s-salamu head is in black and white that’s how I learned how to
and white that’s how I learned how to
and white that’s how I learned how to paint my lips red watching those women
paint my lips red watching those women
paint my lips red watching those women in the movies
there can be no healing if someone’s
there can be no healing if someone’s experience is ignored or dismissed my
experience is ignored or dismissed my
experience is ignored or dismissed my ask today is that we begin to hold more
ask today is that we begin to hold more
ask today is that we begin to hold more space for each other and to bear witness
space for each other and to bear witness
space for each other and to bear witness to each other stories thank you
to each other stories thank you
to each other stories thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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