sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me I take this
words can also hurt me I take this
words can also hurt me I take this slight deviation from a classic idiom to
slight deviation from a classic idiom to
slight deviation from a classic idiom to heart words can be more powerful than
heart words can be more powerful than
heart words can be more powerful than sticks and stones but the most powerful
sticks and stones but the most powerful
sticks and stones but the most powerful sequence of words is not the hurtful
sequence of words is not the hurtful
sequence of words is not the hurtful insult it’s the compliment the ability
insult it’s the compliment the ability
insult it’s the compliment the ability to genuinely and purposefully appreciate
to genuinely and purposefully appreciate
to genuinely and purposefully appreciate is rare but when used correctly there is
is rare but when used correctly there is
is rare but when used correctly there is no skill more powerful let me tell you a
no skill more powerful let me tell you a
no skill more powerful let me tell you a story
story
story I’m currently heavily involved in my
I’m currently heavily involved in my
I’m currently heavily involved in my bBYO chapter my Jewish teen youth group
bBYO chapter my Jewish teen youth group
bBYO chapter my Jewish teen youth group but it hasn’t always been that way for
but it hasn’t always been that way for
but it hasn’t always been that way for me my freshman year I was having a tough
me my freshman year I was having a tough
me my freshman year I was having a tough time acclimating to my chapter it was
time acclimating to my chapter it was
time acclimating to my chapter it was filled with older members who I was sure
filled with older members who I was sure
filled with older members who I was sure wanted nothing to do with an annoying
wanted nothing to do with an annoying
wanted nothing to do with an annoying 5-4 freshman as you can see up there and
5-4 freshman as you can see up there and
5-4 freshman as you can see up there and I had a very squeaky voice with and said
I had a very squeaky voice with and said
I had a very squeaky voice with and said jokes that brought an uncomfortable
jokes that brought an uncomfortable
jokes that brought an uncomfortable seemingly forced laughter to the room it
seemingly forced laughter to the room it
seemingly forced laughter to the room it had been a month since I had last
had been a month since I had last
had been a month since I had last attended my an event when tax
attended my an event when tax
attended my an event when tax notification popped up from a junior
notification popped up from a junior
notification popped up from a junior member of the chapter I was sure it was
member of the chapter I was sure it was
member of the chapter I was sure it was just another invitation to an event I
just another invitation to an event I
just another invitation to an event I was wrong
was wrong
was wrong it was his message was a paragraph long
it was his message was a paragraph long
it was his message was a paragraph long message about how much he appreciated me
message about how much he appreciated me
message about how much he appreciated me with specifics about my positive
with specifics about my positive
with specifics about my positive demeanor curiosity and potential the
demeanor curiosity and potential the
demeanor curiosity and potential the fervor of sheer happiness I got from
fervor of sheer happiness I got from
fervor of sheer happiness I got from that message or any other authentic
that message or any other authentic
that message or any other authentic kind-hearted word since is an emotion
kind-hearted word since is an emotion
kind-hearted word since is an emotion that I have been unable to find anywhere
that I have been unable to find anywhere
that I have been unable to find anywhere else there’s a rush we get from
else there’s a rush we get from
else there’s a rush we get from appreciation it’s that pure tingly
appreciation it’s that pure tingly
appreciation it’s that pure tingly feeling down the spine of your back
feeling down the spine of your back
feeling down the spine of your back they inks a massive uncontrollable smile
they inks a massive uncontrollable smile
they inks a massive uncontrollable smile across your face it’s not something I’ve
across your face it’s not something I’ve
across your face it’s not something I’ve read about in any psychology textbook
read about in any psychology textbook
read about in any psychology textbook but it’s real it’s not science it’s
but it’s real it’s not science it’s
but it’s real it’s not science it’s feeling it’s warmth and it’s love
feeling it’s warmth and it’s love
feeling it’s warmth and it’s love frankly I am not in a position to stand
frankly I am not in a position to stand
frankly I am not in a position to stand here and tell you about all the findings
here and tell you about all the findings
here and tell you about all the findings of a recent in-depth scientific study
of a recent in-depth scientific study
of a recent in-depth scientific study with statistics and figures or anything
with statistics and figures or anything
with statistics and figures or anything like that but I have a shared human
like that but I have a shared human
like that but I have a shared human experience with all of you that I hope
experience with all of you that I hope
experience with all of you that I hope will allow me to explain my greatest
will allow me to explain my greatest
will allow me to explain my greatest life lesson a lesson of appreciation
life lesson a lesson of appreciation
life lesson a lesson of appreciation that we
that we
that we all feel your friends and family do so
all feel your friends and family do so
all feel your friends and family do so much for you every single day that goes
much for you every single day that goes
much for you every single day that goes unnoticed and we take for granted maybe
unnoticed and we take for granted maybe
unnoticed and we take for granted maybe you had a conversation at lunch with
you had a conversation at lunch with
you had a conversation at lunch with your friend from school maybe your
your friend from school maybe your
your friend from school maybe your friend explained a homework answer to
friend explained a homework answer to
friend explained a homework answer to you your teacher let you come in at
you your teacher let you come in at
you your teacher let you come in at lunch for extra help even after spending
lunch for extra help even after spending
lunch for extra help even after spending the entire class period teaching the
the entire class period teaching the
the entire class period teaching the lesson to you your parents genuinely
lesson to you your parents genuinely
lesson to you your parents genuinely wanted to know about your day at the
wanted to know about your day at the
wanted to know about your day at the dinner table with a meal that they
dinner table with a meal that they
dinner table with a meal that they provided under shelter that they
provided under shelter that they
provided under shelter that they provided these may seem like small
provided these may seem like small
provided these may seem like small things but they’re sacred we live in an
things but they’re sacred we live in an
things but they’re sacred we live in an increasingly social world where other
increasingly social world where other
increasingly social world where other people lay at the core of every single
people lay at the core of every single
people lay at the core of every single thing we do and it’s crucial that we
thing we do and it’s crucial that we
thing we do and it’s crucial that we recognize the ones around us that mean
recognize the ones around us that mean
recognize the ones around us that mean the most whenever you feel appreciative
the most whenever you feel appreciative
the most whenever you feel appreciative of someone I implore you to say
of someone I implore you to say
of someone I implore you to say something Surprise them with a phone
something Surprise them with a phone
something Surprise them with a phone call send them a heartfelt paragraph or
call send them a heartfelt paragraph or
call send them a heartfelt paragraph or pull them aside the next time you see
pull them aside the next time you see
pull them aside the next time you see them tell your friends how they make you
them tell your friends how they make you
them tell your friends how they make you feel tell your parents you’re grateful
feel tell your parents you’re grateful
feel tell your parents you’re grateful to always have them to be there to
to always have them to be there to
to always have them to be there to support you tell your teachers that they
support you tell your teachers that they
support you tell your teachers that they inspire you it’s something I’ve been
inspire you it’s something I’ve been
inspire you it’s something I’ve been doing myself for a while now and it’s
doing myself for a while now and it’s
doing myself for a while now and it’s changed my life
changed my life
changed my life honest appreciation can be the best
honest appreciation can be the best
honest appreciation can be the best therapy it can save someone in their
therapy it can save someone in their
therapy it can save someone in their darkest hour or simply brighten a day I
darkest hour or simply brighten a day I
darkest hour or simply brighten a day I have been genuinely praising those
have been genuinely praising those
have been genuinely praising those around me daily for now for the past few
around me daily for now for the past few
around me daily for now for the past few years in the beams that shine across
years in the beams that shine across
years in the beams that shine across their faces have repeatedly proven my
their faces have repeatedly proven my
their faces have repeatedly proven my words meaningful be specific in your
words meaningful be specific in your
words meaningful be specific in your appreciation saying thank you and you
appreciation saying thank you and you
appreciation saying thank you and you rock is sweet and easy to say but
rock is sweet and easy to say but
rock is sweet and easy to say but spending that extra effort to go out of
spending that extra effort to go out of
spending that extra effort to go out of your comfort zone and be genuine is
your comfort zone and be genuine is
your comfort zone and be genuine is worth the discomfort thank someone for
worth the discomfort thank someone for
worth the discomfort thank someone for inspiring you for X Y & Z reasons or
inspiring you for X Y & Z reasons or
inspiring you for X Y & Z reasons or thank them for making you feel loved
thank them for making you feel loved
thank them for making you feel loved compliment them on specific elements of
compliment them on specific elements of
compliment them on specific elements of their character or zoom in on scenes
their character or zoom in on scenes
their character or zoom in on scenes from the past when they’ve made you feel
from the past when they’ve made you feel
from the past when they’ve made you feel special so I ask myself why isn’t this
special so I ask myself why isn’t this
special so I ask myself why isn’t this kind of genuine appreciation more
kind of genuine appreciation more
kind of genuine appreciation more commonplace why doesn’t my phone buzz
commonplace why doesn’t my phone buzz
commonplace why doesn’t my phone buzz with words of praise and why after four
with words of praise and why after four
with words of praise and why after four years of working on praising people
years of working on praising people
years of working on praising people myself do I still feel a weirdness
myself do I still feel a weirdness
myself do I still feel a weirdness and discomfort complimenting my closest
and discomfort complimenting my closest
and discomfort complimenting my closest friends our culture has created some
friends our culture has created some
friends our culture has created some sort of stigma against telling people
sort of stigma against telling people
sort of stigma against telling people how we truly feel it’s not cool to be
how we truly feel it’s not cool to be
how we truly feel it’s not cool to be vulnerable or all lovey-dovey if you’re
vulnerable or all lovey-dovey if you’re
vulnerable or all lovey-dovey if you’re saying something that nice to a girl it
saying something that nice to a girl it
saying something that nice to a girl it means you’re into her and if you’re
means you’re into her and if you’re
means you’re into her and if you’re saying it to a guy you’re a weak
saying it to a guy you’re a weak
saying it to a guy you’re a weak effeminate pushover we’ve created an
effeminate pushover we’ve created an
effeminate pushover we’ve created an environment in which kindness has a
environment in which kindness has a
environment in which kindness has a limit and a very low limit at that our
limit and a very low limit at that our
limit and a very low limit at that our culture is substantiated by the
culture is substantiated by the
culture is substantiated by the receivers of such appreciations as well
receivers of such appreciations as well
receivers of such appreciations as well when people get uncomfortable by acts of
when people get uncomfortable by acts of
when people get uncomfortable by acts of appreciation that are quote unquote too
appreciation that are quote unquote too
appreciation that are quote unquote too nice we cannot allow there to be such a
nice we cannot allow there to be such a
nice we cannot allow there to be such a thing as too nice because by doing so
thing as too nice because by doing so
thing as too nice because by doing so we’re creating a less welcoming less
we’re creating a less welcoming less
we’re creating a less welcoming less open society the next time you receive a
open society the next time you receive a
open society the next time you receive a compliment which I hope is right after
compliment which I hope is right after
compliment which I hope is right after this presentation be grateful for it let
this presentation be grateful for it let
this presentation be grateful for it let it sink in and see where it takes you
it sink in and see where it takes you
it sink in and see where it takes you emotionally if everyone works together
emotionally if everyone works together
emotionally if everyone works together to break the barrier of awkwardness
to break the barrier of awkwardness
to break the barrier of awkwardness surrounding expressing our true feelings
surrounding expressing our true feelings
surrounding expressing our true feelings we can create a society not built upon
we can create a society not built upon
we can create a society not built upon being cool but rather being loved
being cool but rather being loved
being cool but rather being loved appreciation comes with an unstoppable
appreciation comes with an unstoppable
appreciation comes with an unstoppable ripple effect when you’re appreciated
ripple effect when you’re appreciated
ripple effect when you’re appreciated and get that inspiring surge of energy
and get that inspiring surge of energy
and get that inspiring surge of energy you’re compelled to pass on appreciation
you’re compelled to pass on appreciation
you’re compelled to pass on appreciation to your friends family and/or teachers
to your friends family and/or teachers
to your friends family and/or teachers it’s a pay it forward campaign of
it’s a pay it forward campaign of
it’s a pay it forward campaign of appreciation appreciating someone else
appreciation appreciating someone else
appreciation appreciating someone else can be equally satisfying when I’m
can be equally satisfying when I’m
can be equally satisfying when I’m stressed I like to take just a 15 minute
stressed I like to take just a 15 minute
stressed I like to take just a 15 minute break to appreciate those that mean the
break to appreciate those that mean the
break to appreciate those that mean the most to me it triggers a ripple effect
most to me it triggers a ripple effect
most to me it triggers a ripple effect for them but also makes me so
for them but also makes me so
for them but also makes me so unbelievably happy to know the impact I
unbelievably happy to know the impact I
unbelievably happy to know the impact I can make and be cognizant of the vast
can make and be cognizant of the vast
can make and be cognizant of the vast support network I have a society built
support network I have a society built
support network I have a society built upon appreciation is a society built
upon appreciation is a society built
upon appreciation is a society built upon kindness and love and today we
upon kindness and love and today we
upon kindness and love and today we start building this presentation
start building this presentation
start building this presentation transitions into lunch and as soon as
transitions into lunch and as soon as
transitions into lunch and as soon as I’m done speaking it would be my hope
I’m done speaking it would be my hope
I’m done speaking it would be my hope that you take a few minutes to
that you take a few minutes to
that you take a few minutes to appreciate those around you go outside
appreciate those around you go outside
appreciate those around you go outside after this into the quad and see your
after this into the quad and see your
after this into the quad and see your friends and tell them
friends and tell them
friends and tell them what they mean to you and show them the
what they mean to you and show them the
what they mean to you and show them the lessons that we learned here today
lessons that we learned here today
lessons that we learned here today start with a simple ten minutes every
start with a simple ten minutes every
start with a simple ten minutes every Sunday night to sit down
Sunday night to sit down
Sunday night to sit down think back on the week and appreciate
think back on the week and appreciate
think back on the week and appreciate those who made it so special
those who made it so special
those who made it so special if sticks and stones will break my bones
if sticks and stones will break my bones
if sticks and stones will break my bones then words will always save me thank you
then words will always save me thank you
then words will always save me thank you [Applause]
”
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