today I want to bring awareness to the bully you don’t tear about they are the
bully you don’t tear about they are the
bully you don’t tear about they are the most dangerous type of bully because
most dangerous type of bully because
most dangerous type of bully because they attack when no one’s watching this
they attack when no one’s watching this
they attack when no one’s watching this is not the bully that takes your lunch
is not the bully that takes your lunch
is not the bully that takes your lunch money the bully that shoves you into a
money the bully that shoves you into a
money the bully that shoves you into a locker or the bully that sense you
locker or the bully that sense you
locker or the bully that sense you hurtful text I’d like to share a story
hurtful text I’d like to share a story
hurtful text I’d like to share a story with you
with you
with you to illustrate who this bully is a story
to illustrate who this bully is a story
to illustrate who this bully is a story entitled my big bad bully pigtails are
entitled my big bad bully pigtails are
entitled my big bad bully pigtails are for babies she snarled at me
for babies she snarled at me
for babies she snarled at me her words hurt more than the time I
her words hurt more than the time I
her words hurt more than the time I broke my arm
broke my arm
broke my arm I quickly untied my hair I wore my hair
I quickly untied my hair I wore my hair
I quickly untied my hair I wore my hair down for the rest of the school year
down for the rest of the school year
down for the rest of the school year that was the first time I met my big bad
that was the first time I met my big bad
that was the first time I met my big bad bully I was in the second grade I’m not
bully I was in the second grade I’m not
bully I was in the second grade I’m not sure where she came from I had never
sure where she came from I had never
sure where she came from I had never noticed her at school before but she
noticed her at school before but she
noticed her at school before but she noticed me every day that year and in
noticed me every day that year and in
noticed me every day that year and in grade 3 grade four grade five
grade 3 grade four grade five
grade 3 grade four grade five she called me names like fatty piglet
she called me names like fatty piglet
she called me names like fatty piglet ugly things are worse now that I’m in
ugly things are worse now that I’m in
ugly things are worse now that I’m in high school even when I don’t see her I
high school even when I don’t see her I
high school even when I don’t see her I can always hear the whispers the giggles
can always hear the whispers the giggles
can always hear the whispers the giggles and the growls who dressed you today
and the growls who dressed you today
and the growls who dressed you today your baby sister hey fuzzball ever hear
your baby sister hey fuzzball ever hear
your baby sister hey fuzzball ever hear of a comb now she makes fun of my face
of a comb now she makes fun of my face
of a comb now she makes fun of my face how did you possibly fit another zit on
how did you possibly fit another zit on
how did you possibly fit another zit on that face of yours many nights I cry
that face of yours many nights I cry
that face of yours many nights I cry myself to sleep how can someone be so
myself to sleep how can someone be so
myself to sleep how can someone be so cruel doesn’t she know that words hurt I
cruel doesn’t she know that words hurt I
cruel doesn’t she know that words hurt I don’t know what to do anymore
don’t know what to do anymore
don’t know what to do anymore I have to put a stop to this but I’m
I have to put a stop to this but I’m
I have to put a stop to this but I’m weak when she’s around tomorrow is my
weak when she’s around tomorrow is my
weak when she’s around tomorrow is my day
day
day I tell myself but will I be strong
I tell myself but will I be strong
I tell myself but will I be strong enough to face my big bad bully Oh will
enough to face my big bad bully Oh will
enough to face my big bad bully Oh will I run away like a scared little chicken
I run away like a scared little chicken
I run away like a scared little chicken I woke up ready I headed to school I
I woke up ready I headed to school I
I woke up ready I headed to school I knew I would find her in the girls
knew I would find her in the girls
knew I would find her in the girls washroom like I usually did I was going
washroom like I usually did I was going
washroom like I usually did I was going to put an end to this once and for all I
to put an end to this once and for all I
to put an end to this once and for all I quietly opened the washroom door and
quietly opened the washroom door and
quietly opened the washroom door and took one slow step inside I am brave I
took one slow step inside I am brave I
took one slow step inside I am brave I told myself I can do this I whispered I
told myself I can do this I whispered I
told myself I can do this I whispered I opened my eyes and there she stood right
opened my eyes and there she stood right
opened my eyes and there she stood right in front of me a lump formed in my
in front of me a lump formed in my
in front of me a lump formed in my throat when our eyes met I was about to
throat when our eyes met I was about to
throat when our eyes met I was about to say something but I stopped myself
say something but I stopped myself
say something but I stopped myself instead I looked deep into her eyes and
instead I looked deep into her eyes and
instead I looked deep into her eyes and that’s when I saw her really saw her for
that’s when I saw her really saw her for
that’s when I saw her really saw her for the first time I saw I saw myself in the
the first time I saw I saw myself in the
the first time I saw I saw myself in the mirror I saw the little girl who thought
mirror I saw the little girl who thought
mirror I saw the little girl who thought her pigtails were babyish I saw the girl
her pigtails were babyish I saw the girl
her pigtails were babyish I saw the girl who thought she looked fat and ugly
who thought she looked fat and ugly
who thought she looked fat and ugly every time she saw her own reflection I
every time she saw her own reflection I
every time she saw her own reflection I saw the scared little girl who believed
saw the scared little girl who believed
saw the scared little girl who believed her discount clothes weren’t good enough
her discount clothes weren’t good enough
her discount clothes weren’t good enough and I saw the young lady who hated her
and I saw the young lady who hated her
and I saw the young lady who hated her blemished skin I saw that my big bad
blemished skin I saw that my big bad
blemished skin I saw that my big bad bully was me it was me all along it was
bully was me it was me all along it was
bully was me it was me all along it was me all those years we all know that the
me all those years we all know that the
me all those years we all know that the words others say to us can impact us but
words others say to us can impact us but
words others say to us can impact us but what about the words we tell ourselves
what about the words we tell ourselves
what about the words we tell ourselves what about that inner voice we always
what about that inner voice we always
what about that inner voice we always have playing in our heads what we say to
have playing in our heads what we say to
have playing in our heads what we say to ourselves impacts us even more than what
ourselves impacts us even more than what
ourselves impacts us even more than what others say to us we all want to stop
others say to us we all want to stop
others say to us we all want to stop bullying we cringe at the words baby
bullying we cringe at the words baby
bullying we cringe at the words baby fatty piglet ugly but what about the
fatty piglet ugly but what about the
fatty piglet ugly but what about the word
word
word you’re not good enough nobody loves you
you’re not good enough nobody loves you
you’re not good enough nobody loves you or loser these are all unacceptable
or loser these are all unacceptable
or loser these are all unacceptable things to say to others but why why is
things to say to others but why why is
things to say to others but why why is it okay for us to say them to ourselves
it okay for us to say them to ourselves
it okay for us to say them to ourselves why is that acceptable it seems to me
why is that acceptable it seems to me
why is that acceptable it seems to me that the kindest words should be
that the kindest words should be
that the kindest words should be whispered to ourselves you are beautiful
whispered to ourselves you are beautiful
whispered to ourselves you are beautiful you are smart you are loved what if we
you are smart you are loved what if we
you are smart you are loved what if we looked in the mirror and started to
looked in the mirror and started to
looked in the mirror and started to appreciate ourselves what if instead of
appreciate ourselves what if instead of
appreciate ourselves what if instead of pointing out our flaws we looked for the
pointing out our flaws we looked for the
pointing out our flaws we looked for the greatness in us what if we were kind to
greatness in us what if we were kind to
greatness in us what if we were kind to ourselves how powerful would that be
ourselves how powerful would that be
ourselves how powerful would that be what do you say when you look in the
what do you say when you look in the
what do you say when you look in the mirror I was inspired to write the story
mirror I was inspired to write the story
mirror I was inspired to write the story one evening when I heard my own daughter
one evening when I heard my own daughter
one evening when I heard my own daughter looking at herself in the mirror and
looking at herself in the mirror and
looking at herself in the mirror and talking well she wasn’t so much talking
talking well she wasn’t so much talking
talking well she wasn’t so much talking by complaining mommy why does my hair
by complaining mommy why does my hair
by complaining mommy why does my hair have to be so frizzy why are my legs so
have to be so frizzy why are my legs so
have to be so frizzy why are my legs so short it’s not fair why do I have so
short it’s not fair why do I have so
short it’s not fair why do I have so many pimples it didn’t matter what I was
many pimples it didn’t matter what I was
many pimples it didn’t matter what I was saying to her she was not listening all
saying to her she was not listening all
saying to her she was not listening all the nice things I was pointing out about
the nice things I was pointing out about
the nice things I was pointing out about her were completely ignored it wasn’t
her were completely ignored it wasn’t
her were completely ignored it wasn’t until I went up to her grabbed her by
until I went up to her grabbed her by
until I went up to her grabbed her by the shoulders looked into her eyes and
the shoulders looked into her eyes and
the shoulders looked into her eyes and said you are bullying yourself that she
said you are bullying yourself that she
said you are bullying yourself that she stopped but she didn’t just stop I
stopped but she didn’t just stop I
stopped but she didn’t just stop I sought clarity in her eyes but told me
sought clarity in her eyes but told me
sought clarity in her eyes but told me she understood you see my daughter’s a
she understood you see my daughter’s a
she understood you see my daughter’s a good girl she listens to everything that
good girl she listens to everything that
good girl she listens to everything that has been told to her at school she has
has been told to her at school she has
has been told to her at school she has listened to many anti-bully talks and
listened to many anti-bully talks and
listened to many anti-bully talks and the last thing she wants to do is be the
the last thing she wants to do is be the
the last thing she wants to do is be the bully the thought that she was bullying
bully the thought that she was bullying
bully the thought that she was bullying herself was enough to get her to stop
herself was enough to get her to stop
herself was enough to get her to stop that was one of those rare moments for
that was one of those rare moments for
that was one of those rare moments for me when I felt the hair on my arm stand
me when I felt the hair on my arm stand
me when I felt the hair on my arm stand up because I knew I was on to something
up because I knew I was on to something
up because I knew I was on to something I’m a mother
I’m a mother
I’m a mother and I take this job very seriously God
and I take this job very seriously God
and I take this job very seriously God entrusted me with four little lives so
entrusted me with four little lives so
entrusted me with four little lives so that I can help them become adults who
that I can help them become adults who
that I can help them become adults who better our world my job is to guide and
better our world my job is to guide and
better our world my job is to guide and teach them my job is to support them and
teach them my job is to support them and
teach them my job is to support them and protect them to protect them from the
protect them to protect them from the
protect them to protect them from the world and protect them from themselves
world and protect them from themselves
world and protect them from themselves for a lot of us we are our biggest
for a lot of us we are our biggest
for a lot of us we are our biggest bullies the words and thoughts we think
bullies the words and thoughts we think
bullies the words and thoughts we think about impact us dramatically our
about impact us dramatically our
about impact us dramatically our thoughts can either enrich us or do us
thoughts can either enrich us or do us
thoughts can either enrich us or do us harm our thoughts can bring us happiness
harm our thoughts can bring us happiness
harm our thoughts can bring us happiness or cause us a lot of pain for me I never
or cause us a lot of pain for me I never
or cause us a lot of pain for me I never want to be sat down and told that we
want to be sat down and told that we
want to be sat down and told that we have lost a loved one to suicide I never
have lost a loved one to suicide I never
have lost a loved one to suicide I never want to feel that feeling of
want to feel that feeling of
want to feel that feeling of hopelessness and fear I never want to
hopelessness and fear I never want to
hopelessness and fear I never want to feel like someone just punched me in the
feel like someone just punched me in the
feel like someone just punched me in the gut to the point of not being able to
gut to the point of not being able to
gut to the point of not being able to breathe the weakness the dizziness the
breathe the weakness the dizziness the
breathe the weakness the dizziness the chest pain the urge to scream and the
chest pain the urge to scream and the
chest pain the urge to scream and the thought of how can this be possible I
thought of how can this be possible I
thought of how can this be possible I never want to experience that pain ever
never want to experience that pain ever
never want to experience that pain ever again
almost five years ago I was in the
almost five years ago I was in the hospital waiting to go home with my new
hospital waiting to go home with my new
hospital waiting to go home with my new baby boy it was also my birthday my
baby boy it was also my birthday my
baby boy it was also my birthday my other children were waiting for us at
other children were waiting for us at
other children were waiting for us at home with gifts for their little brother
home with gifts for their little brother
home with gifts for their little brother and gifts for me that morning my husband
and gifts for me that morning my husband
and gifts for me that morning my husband came to pick us up from the hospital and
came to pick us up from the hospital and
came to pick us up from the hospital and he sat me down he told me that my 17
he sat me down he told me that my 17
he sat me down he told me that my 17 year old niece had committed suicide
needless to say this was a difficult
needless to say this was a difficult time for my family and for me what was
time for my family and for me what was
time for my family and for me what was supposed to be one of the best days of
supposed to be one of the best days of
supposed to be one of the best days of my life turned out to be the worst day
my life turned out to be the worst day
my life turned out to be the worst day of my life between the baby blues and
of my life between the baby blues and
of my life between the baby blues and the pain of our loss I was a big mess
from the hospital we went straight to
from the hospital we went straight to see my sister-in-law and my
see my sister-in-law and my
see my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law here I was with my
brother-in-law here I was with my
brother-in-law here I was with my brand-new baby in hand could anything be
brand-new baby in hand could anything be
brand-new baby in hand could anything be more
more
more awkward the guilt I felt was
awkward the guilt I felt was
awkward the guilt I felt was overwhelming
overwhelming
overwhelming I was trying to hide my baby so I
I was trying to hide my baby so I
I was trying to hide my baby so I wouldn’t remind them that they had just
wouldn’t remind them that they had just
wouldn’t remind them that they had just lost their only child in the days that
lost their only child in the days that
lost their only child in the days that followed we learned that my niece had
followed we learned that my niece had
followed we learned that my niece had been suffering from a mental illness my
been suffering from a mental illness my
been suffering from a mental illness my sister-in-law said something to me that
sister-in-law said something to me that
sister-in-law said something to me that I remember to this day something that
I remember to this day something that
I remember to this day something that fuels me and that has given me purpose
fuels me and that has given me purpose
fuels me and that has given me purpose she told me I needed to look for signs
she told me I needed to look for signs
she told me I needed to look for signs of depression in my own children because
of depression in my own children because
of depression in my own children because depression is hereditary that statement
depression is hereditary that statement
depression is hereditary that statement changed the trajectory of my life
changed the trajectory of my life
changed the trajectory of my life I couldn’t just wait around for these
I couldn’t just wait around for these
I couldn’t just wait around for these signs to appear I could not go through
signs to appear I could not go through
signs to appear I could not go through this again I would do everything in my
this again I would do everything in my
this again I would do everything in my power to help my children have positive
power to help my children have positive
power to help my children have positive mental health it was this desire that
mental health it was this desire that
mental health it was this desire that inspired me to become an author and
inspired me to become an author and
inspired me to become an author and increased self-esteem in children it was
increased self-esteem in children it was
increased self-esteem in children it was this desire that took me out of my
this desire that took me out of my
this desire that took me out of my little shy box to organize the Guinness
little shy box to organize the Guinness
little shy box to organize the Guinness World Record that empowered over a
World Record that empowered over a
World Record that empowered over a hundred thousand people to believe in
hundred thousand people to believe in
hundred thousand people to believe in themselves and it is this desire that
themselves and it is this desire that
themselves and it is this desire that brings me here today mental illnesses
brings me here today mental illnesses
brings me here today mental illnesses are robbing us of the people we love and
are robbing us of the people we love and
are robbing us of the people we love and care about
suicide is one of the leading causes of
suicide is one of the leading causes of death in our country according to the
death in our country according to the
death in our country according to the Canadian Mental Health Association
Canadian Mental Health Association
Canadian Mental Health Association suicide is among the leading cause of
suicide is among the leading cause of
suicide is among the leading cause of death in 15 to 24 year old Canadians
death in 15 to 24 year old Canadians
death in 15 to 24 year old Canadians second only to accidents the World
second only to accidents the World
second only to accidents the World Health Organization estimates that every
Health Organization estimates that every
Health Organization estimates that every year approximately 1 million people die
year approximately 1 million people die
year approximately 1 million people die from suicide that means that there’s one
from suicide that means that there’s one
from suicide that means that there’s one death by suicide every 40 seconds to put
death by suicide every 40 seconds to put
death by suicide every 40 seconds to put this into perspective since I started
this into perspective since I started
this into perspective since I started speaking on this stage 17 people have
speaking on this stage 17 people have
speaking on this stage 17 people have died by suicide I want to help change
died by suicide I want to help change
died by suicide I want to help change those statistics mental illnesses stem
those statistics mental illnesses stem
those statistics mental illnesses stem from our thoughts I found an article by
from our thoughts I found an article by
from our thoughts I found an article by dr. Caroline leaf entitled you are what
dr. Caroline leaf entitled you are what
dr. Caroline leaf entitled you are what you think
you think
you think she shares that 75 to 98% of mental and
she shares that 75 to 98% of mental and
she shares that 75 to 98% of mental and physical illnesses come from our thought
physical illnesses come from our thought
physical illnesses come from our thought life she goes on to share that only 2 to
life she goes on to share that only 2 to
life she goes on to share that only 2 to 25% of mental and physical illnesses
25% of mental and physical illnesses
25% of mental and physical illnesses come from the environment and from our
come from the environment and from our
come from the environment and from our genes to me this is great news it’s
genes to me this is great news it’s
genes to me this is great news it’s cause for celebration because it means
cause for celebration because it means
cause for celebration because it means that we have more control than we
that we have more control than we
that we have more control than we thought possible around our illnesses
thought possible around our illnesses
thought possible around our illnesses whether or not you fall under that small
whether or not you fall under that small
whether or not you fall under that small category of illnesses that could be
category of illnesses that could be
category of illnesses that could be hereditary hereditary the reality is
hereditary hereditary the reality is
hereditary hereditary the reality is this a hundred percent of us all of us
this a hundred percent of us all of us
this a hundred percent of us all of us can experience better mental health when
can experience better mental health when
can experience better mental health when we learn to control our thoughts the
we learn to control our thoughts the
we learn to control our thoughts the National Science Foundation did research
National Science Foundation did research
National Science Foundation did research on the human mind
on the human mind
on the human mind they found that every person has
they found that every person has
they found that every person has anywhere between 12,000 to 60,000
anywhere between 12,000 to 60,000
anywhere between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day and 80% of our thoughts
thoughts per day and 80% of our thoughts
thoughts per day and 80% of our thoughts are negative once we are addicted to
are negative once we are addicted to
are negative once we are addicted to negative thinking this includes the
negative thinking this includes the
negative thinking this includes the thoughts were thinking it includes our
thoughts were thinking it includes our
thoughts were thinking it includes our negative self-talk and it also includes
negative self-talk and it also includes
negative self-talk and it also includes replaying negative memories in our minds
replaying negative memories in our minds
replaying negative memories in our minds we can’t control what happens to us in
we can’t control what happens to us in
we can’t control what happens to us in life but we can control how we react to
life but we can control how we react to
life but we can control how we react to what happens our thoughts around what
what happens our thoughts around what
what happens our thoughts around what happens it’s how we react to an event
happens it’s how we react to an event
happens it’s how we react to an event that determines our future now here’s
that determines our future now here’s
that determines our future now here’s the good news
the good news
the good news you control your thoughts no one else
you control your thoughts no one else
you control your thoughts no one else can do that for you this is a choice a
can do that for you this is a choice a
can do that for you this is a choice a decision that each one of us gets to
decision that each one of us gets to
decision that each one of us gets to make I think we have to guard our
make I think we have to guard our
make I think we have to guard our thoughts because they’re one of our most
thoughts because they’re one of our most
thoughts because they’re one of our most prized possessions I also have to think
prized possessions I also have to think
prized possessions I also have to think I also think that we need to break free
I also think that we need to break free
I also think that we need to break free from our old patterns of negative
from our old patterns of negative
from our old patterns of negative thinking but how do we do that the bully
thinking but how do we do that the bully
thinking but how do we do that the bully I refer to in my story can go away by
I refer to in my story can go away by
I refer to in my story can go away by showering it with affirming thoughts and
showering it with affirming thoughts and
showering it with affirming thoughts and praises after my daughter understood
praises after my daughter understood
praises after my daughter understood that she was bullying herself that night
that she was bullying herself that night
that she was bullying herself that night I asked her to practice an exercise that
I asked her to practice an exercise that
I asked her to practice an exercise that was taught to me by my mentor and the
was taught to me by my mentor and the
was taught to me by my mentor and the co-author of the big
co-author of the big
co-author of the big bully jack canfield I asked her that
bully jack canfield I asked her that
bully jack canfield I asked her that night after she brushed her teeth to
night after she brushed her teeth to
night after she brushed her teeth to stop and look at herself in the mirror
stop and look at herself in the mirror
stop and look at herself in the mirror this time I told her to appreciate
this time I told her to appreciate
this time I told her to appreciate herself for all that she had
herself for all that she had
herself for all that she had accomplished that day to talk about any
accomplished that day to talk about any
accomplished that day to talk about any successes she had to talk about any
successes she had to talk about any
successes she had to talk about any risks she took that day and any
risks she took that day and any
risks she took that day and any discipline she kept I then asked her to
discipline she kept I then asked her to
discipline she kept I then asked her to look deep into her own eyes and to say I
look deep into her own eyes and to say I
look deep into her own eyes and to say I love you and finally I said just take a
love you and finally I said just take a
love you and finally I said just take a deep breath and take it all in I did
deep breath and take it all in I did
deep breath and take it all in I did warn her that at first this would be
warn her that at first this would be
warn her that at first this would be uncomfortable to do but the more she
uncomfortable to do but the more she
uncomfortable to do but the more she would learn to appreciate herself the
would learn to appreciate herself the
would learn to appreciate herself the more she would love herself that bully
more she would love herself that bully
more she would love herself that bully would have no choice but to go away my
would have no choice but to go away my
would have no choice but to go away my challenge to you today is to do the same
challenge to you today is to do the same
challenge to you today is to do the same practice this mirror exercise every
practice this mirror exercise every
practice this mirror exercise every night for 40 nights and you’ll start
night for 40 nights and you’ll start
night for 40 nights and you’ll start seeing yourself go from bullying to
seeing yourself go from bullying to
seeing yourself go from bullying to loving yourself more but let’s take it
loving yourself more but let’s take it
loving yourself more but let’s take it one step further let’s bombard our minds
one step further let’s bombard our minds
one step further let’s bombard our minds with positivity because we know that it
with positivity because we know that it
with positivity because we know that it works I’m gonna suggest that you watch
works I’m gonna suggest that you watch
works I’m gonna suggest that you watch uplifting TV shows and movies listen to
uplifting TV shows and movies listen to
uplifting TV shows and movies listen to good music read positive books surround
good music read positive books surround
good music read positive books surround yourself with positive friends and also
yourself with positive friends and also
yourself with positive friends and also make sure to take yourself out of
make sure to take yourself out of
make sure to take yourself out of negative environments now if this is
negative environments now if this is
negative environments now if this is difficult for you to do for one reason
difficult for you to do for one reason
difficult for you to do for one reason or another then make sure you are the
or another then make sure you are the
or another then make sure you are the one giving yourself the compliments the
one giving yourself the compliments the
one giving yourself the compliments the praises and the love you can be your own
praises and the love you can be your own
praises and the love you can be your own biggest bully or your own best friend
biggest bully or your own best friend
biggest bully or your own best friend which will you choose I’ll leave you
which will you choose I’ll leave you
which will you choose I’ll leave you with this quote by Louise Hay you have
with this quote by Louise Hay you have
with this quote by Louise Hay you have been criticizing yourself for years and
been criticizing yourself for years and
been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked
it hasn’t worked
it hasn’t worked try approving of yourself and see what
try approving of yourself and see what
try approving of yourself and see what happens
happens
happens thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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