[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] good afternoon
good afternoon
good afternoon I’ve lived with many identities a lot if
I’ve lived with many identities a lot if
I’ve lived with many identities a lot if you all know that I’m a fashion and
you all know that I’m a fashion and
you all know that I’m a fashion and textile designer a few of you all know
textile designer a few of you all know
textile designer a few of you all know that I’m a theater actor some of you all
that I’m a theater actor some of you all
that I’m a theater actor some of you all know probably that I’m a dentist and as
know probably that I’m a dentist and as
know probably that I’m a dentist and as a child when I was growing up in my
a child when I was growing up in my
a child when I was growing up in my school everybody knew that I was a
school everybody knew that I was a
school everybody knew that I was a painter and a classical dancer so I
painter and a classical dancer so I
painter and a classical dancer so I enjoy living all my duties and today I
enjoy living all my duties and today I
enjoy living all my duties and today I think that’s what I want to talk about
think that’s what I want to talk about
think that’s what I want to talk about enjoying how I design my own life how
enjoying how I design my own life how
enjoying how I design my own life how does one design their own life by being
does one design their own life by being
does one design their own life by being conscious about the being when I say
conscious about the being when I say
conscious about the being when I say being I mean you should be conscious
being I mean you should be conscious
being I mean you should be conscious about your surroundings about how much
about your surroundings about how much
about your surroundings about how much you absorb from what is there around you
you absorb from what is there around you
you absorb from what is there around you what is the next important thing apart
what is the next important thing apart
what is the next important thing apart from being conscious about your own
from being conscious about your own
from being conscious about your own being
being
being what comes after being conscious is
what comes after being conscious is
what comes after being conscious is being compassionate that’s where they
being compassionate that’s where they
being compassionate that’s where they are emotions coming so it’s very
are emotions coming so it’s very
are emotions coming so it’s very important that you should be very
important that you should be very
important that you should be very compassionate towards each other towards
compassionate towards each other towards
compassionate towards each other towards animals towards everything all the three
animals towards everything all the three
animals towards everything all the three of them when they abandoned is when you
of them when they abandoned is when you
of them when they abandoned is when you create yourself as a totality and I’m
create yourself as a totality and I’m
create yourself as a totality and I’m very glad that today I’ll be talking
very glad that today I’ll be talking
very glad that today I’ll be talking about my personal journey at various
about my personal journey at various
about my personal journey at various levels but to begin I will start off
levels but to begin I will start off
levels but to begin I will start off with my dentistry I started my dentistry
with my dentistry I started my dentistry
with my dentistry I started my dentistry and I finished my dent when I was 16 17
and I finished my dent when I was 16 17
and I finished my dent when I was 16 17 17 18 is when I started my dentistry and
17 18 is when I started my dentistry and
17 18 is when I started my dentistry and I finished dentistry in firehose and
I finished dentistry in firehose and
I finished dentistry in firehose and started working my first job was as a
started working my first job was as a
started working my first job was as a dental lecturer practice in the same
dental lecturer practice in the same
dental lecturer practice in the same College where I studied they offered me
College where I studied they offered me
College where I studied they offered me when I was practicing in the same
when I was practicing in the same
when I was practicing in the same hospital also in evening in the clinic
hospital also in evening in the clinic
hospital also in evening in the clinic and then one day I was just going by in
and then one day I was just going by in
and then one day I was just going by in back Laura was in back then right now I
back Laura was in back then right now I
back Laura was in back then right now I live in Hyderabad
live in Hyderabad
live in Hyderabad and in Bangla I just asked my professor
and in Bangla I just asked my professor
and in Bangla I just asked my professor to stop the car I went to the NIF campus
to stop the car I went to the NIF campus
to stop the car I went to the NIF campus and picked up the prospectus and then my
and picked up the prospectus and then my
and picked up the prospectus and then my professor looked at me and said now what
professor looked at me and said now what
professor looked at me and said now what I said why not
I said why not
I said why not and then next was the cakewalk for me I
and then next was the cakewalk for me I
and then next was the cakewalk for me I did my master’s in textile design so
did my master’s in textile design so
did my master’s in textile design so when I joined lift everybody kept asking
when I joined lift everybody kept asking
when I joined lift everybody kept asking me that you only settle you’re a doctor
me that you only settle you’re a doctor
me that you only settle you’re a doctor you’re probably of the first dentist to
you’re probably of the first dentist to
you’re probably of the first dentist to pass out from lift so everybody asked me
pass out from lift so everybody asked me
pass out from lift so everybody asked me until everybody kept asking me as to why
until everybody kept asking me as to why
until everybody kept asking me as to why I did the carrier switch and that took
I did the carrier switch and that took
I did the carrier switch and that took from such drastic streams of design to
from such drastic streams of design to
from such drastic streams of design to and from the industry to design I was
and from the industry to design I was
and from the industry to design I was like why not all my childhood I paint
like why not all my childhood I paint
like why not all my childhood I paint till then I dance was so much
till then I dance was so much
till then I dance was so much inspiration to gather and be there that
inspiration to gather and be there that
inspiration to gather and be there that I really didn’t really miss the industry
I really didn’t really miss the industry
I really didn’t really miss the industry after I joined left and then immediate
after I joined left and then immediate
after I joined left and then immediate after I finished left I did my second
after I finished left I did my second
after I finished left I did my second masters my fashion in Milan and I think
masters my fashion in Milan and I think
masters my fashion in Milan and I think that was the turning point in my life
that was the turning point in my life
that was the turning point in my life Milan changed me as a person first Lily
Milan changed me as a person first Lily
Milan changed me as a person first Lily and also professionally I think that’s
and also professionally I think that’s
and also professionally I think that’s where my journey has vanished
where my journey has vanished
where my journey has vanished sorry the designer began when I came
sorry the designer began when I came
sorry the designer began when I came back to India but before I continue the
back to India but before I continue the
back to India but before I continue the story I would like to disclose another
story I would like to disclose another
story I would like to disclose another little secret another identity which I
little secret another identity which I
little secret another identity which I carry with me as a burden
I was named after the Lord of good
I was named after the Lord of good fortune the Lord of beginnings and the
fortune the Lord of beginnings and the
fortune the Lord of beginnings and the remover of obstacles everybody jokes
remover of obstacles everybody jokes
remover of obstacles everybody jokes that I live up to my name say for the
that I live up to my name say for the
that I live up to my name say for the way I look I laugh it off for I’ve lived
way I look I laugh it off for I’ve lived
way I look I laugh it off for I’ve lived all sizes and I’m pretty thick-skinned
all sizes and I’m pretty thick-skinned
all sizes and I’m pretty thick-skinned about it by now since my childhood I’ve
about it by now since my childhood I’ve
about it by now since my childhood I’ve always loved to draw and paint when
always loved to draw and paint when
always loved to draw and paint when children my age were out there on the
children my age were out there on the
children my age were out there on the street playing cricket I would lock
street playing cricket I would lock
street playing cricket I would lock myself up in my room and paint my
myself up in my room and paint my
myself up in my room and paint my favorite was a big blooming Lotus from
favorite was a big blooming Lotus from
favorite was a big blooming Lotus from which the orange Sun rolls and if I were
which the orange Sun rolls and if I were
which the orange Sun rolls and if I were in painting I would be dancing I was
in painting I would be dancing I was
in painting I would be dancing I was trained in classical dance and as a
trained in classical dance and as a
trained in classical dance and as a child I won many awards and was very
child I won many awards and was very
child I won many awards and was very proud of my achievements I was a shy kid
proud of my achievements I was a shy kid
proud of my achievements I was a shy kid and my only sibling was a platform
and my only sibling was a platform
and my only sibling was a platform reunion I was a fair student but as I
reunion I was a fair student but as I
reunion I was a fair student but as I reached mid school my grades fell I
reached mid school my grades fell I
reached mid school my grades fell I started gaining weight and was bullied
started gaining weight and was bullied
started gaining weight and was bullied in my neighborhood I did not have close
in my neighborhood I did not have close
in my neighborhood I did not have close friends in school my dance and art were
friends in school my dance and art were
friends in school my dance and art were my only friends with whom I shared every
my only friends with whom I shared every
my only friends with whom I shared every secret
secret
secret and since then they have been my pillars
and since then they have been my pillars
and since then they have been my pillars of strength it took me 33 years to tell
of strength it took me 33 years to tell
of strength it took me 33 years to tell my secret to the world that I was
my secret to the world that I was
my secret to the world that I was wrongly touched by a man at all the
wrongly touched by a man at all the
wrongly touched by a man at all the right Li places that were meant to be
right Li places that were meant to be
right Li places that were meant to be just mine he was a family member and
just mine he was a family member and
just mine he was a family member and that killed my trust even more I felt
that killed my trust even more I felt
that killed my trust even more I felt betrayed
betrayed
betrayed I was sexually abused from as long as I
I was sexually abused from as long as I
I was sexually abused from as long as I can remember until I was 17 and finally
can remember until I was 17 and finally
can remember until I was 17 and finally one day I scream my first know the sound
one day I scream my first know the sound
one day I scream my first know the sound of which still reverberates and that day
of which still reverberates and that day
of which still reverberates and that day it all ended surprisingly everybody
it all ended surprisingly everybody
it all ended surprisingly everybody turned a blind eye to it then yet today
turned a blind eye to it then yet today
turned a blind eye to it then yet today they asked me why I did not tell anyone
they asked me why I did not tell anyone
they asked me why I did not tell anyone when nobody asked me maybe the trickery
when nobody asked me maybe the trickery
when nobody asked me maybe the trickery and threats stopped me from speaking out
and threats stopped me from speaking out
and threats stopped me from speaking out then it took a while for me to realize
then it took a while for me to realize
then it took a while for me to realize that it was in my fall however it was
that it was in my fall however it was
that it was in my fall however it was very confusing for me as a child
very confusing for me as a child
very confusing for me as a child I was afraid lived with a lot of shame
I was afraid lived with a lot of shame
I was afraid lived with a lot of shame guilt and low self-esteem isolating and
guilt and low self-esteem isolating and
guilt and low self-esteem isolating and discovering my sexual orientation like
discovering my sexual orientation like
discovering my sexual orientation like my body never belonged to me there was a
my body never belonged to me there was a
my body never belonged to me there was a lot of anger as much as the zeal to
lot of anger as much as the zeal to
lot of anger as much as the zeal to press the refresh button gasping and
press the refresh button gasping and
press the refresh button gasping and running away from the familiarity of the
running away from the familiarity of the
running away from the familiarity of the past towards newer destinations and
past towards newer destinations and
past towards newer destinations and opportunities life began now a design
opportunities life began now a design
opportunities life began now a design entrepreneur by profession a gold
entrepreneur by profession a gold
entrepreneur by profession a gold medalist with two masters in textiles
medalist with two masters in textiles
medalist with two masters in textiles and in fashion I am NOT a crack
and in fashion I am NOT a crack
and in fashion I am NOT a crack I did all that after studying and
I did all that after studying and
I did all that after studying and practicing dentistry but I guess destiny
practicing dentistry but I guess destiny
practicing dentistry but I guess destiny had its own path and Dentistry now is
had its own path and Dentistry now is
had its own path and Dentistry now is history
history
history apart from designing clothes I’ll
apart from designing clothes I’ll
apart from designing clothes I’ll continue to learn dance and also pursue
continue to learn dance and also pursue
continue to learn dance and also pursue my new passion theta
my new passion theta
my new passion theta as an actor I get to live and experience
as an actor I get to live and experience
as an actor I get to live and experience all that I missed out in my growing up
all that I missed out in my growing up
all that I missed out in my growing up years including those mushy love stories
years including those mushy love stories
years including those mushy love stories for which I cover my silver the deepest
for which I cover my silver the deepest
for which I cover my silver the deepest darkest Brown
darkest Brown
darkest Brown and the rest as they say is history
today I forgive everybody letting it all
today I forgive everybody letting it all go creating and living multiple
go creating and living multiple
go creating and living multiple identities as I immerse myself in our
identities as I immerse myself in our
identities as I immerse myself in our nourishing myself with compassion and
nourishing myself with compassion and
nourishing myself with compassion and empathy hoping to rebuild the trust that
empathy hoping to rebuild the trust that
empathy hoping to rebuild the trust that is lost
is lost
is lost I have always wondered what is the
I have always wondered what is the
I have always wondered what is the perfect world for a child is it simply
perfect world for a child is it simply
perfect world for a child is it simply the absence of war as the father of our
the absence of war as the father of our
the absence of war as the father of our nation once said if we are to have real
nation once said if we are to have real
nation once said if we are to have real peace we must begin with the children we
peace we must begin with the children we
peace we must begin with the children we have to create that world where every
have to create that world where every
have to create that world where every child can grow the good mental and
child can grow the good mental and
child can grow the good mental and physical health where every child lives
physical health where every child lives
physical health where every child lives with dignity and in peace before we
with dignity and in peace before we
with dignity and in peace before we teach a child to respect others I think
teach a child to respect others I think
teach a child to respect others I think it’s important for us to respect them
it’s important for us to respect them
it’s important for us to respect them children often show us rather than tell
children often show us rather than tell
children often show us rather than tell us that something is upsetting them
us that something is upsetting them
us that something is upsetting them there may be many reasons for changes in
there may be many reasons for changes in
there may be many reasons for changes in their behavior but if we notice a
their behavior but if we notice a
their behavior but if we notice a combination of worrying signs it is time
combination of worrying signs it is time
combination of worrying signs it is time to call for help or advice listen talk
to call for help or advice listen talk
to call for help or advice listen talk to your children understand and
to your children understand and
to your children understand and communicate better with them
communicate better with them
communicate better with them teach them the difference between the
teach them the difference between the
teach them the difference between the right touch and the wrong touch
right touch and the wrong touch
right touch and the wrong touch the world day for prevention of child
the world day for prevention of child
the world day for prevention of child abuse is observed on 19th of November
abuse is observed on 19th of November
abuse is observed on 19th of November for many adult survivors childhood
for many adult survivors childhood
for many adult survivors childhood sexual abuse has lasting influence on
sexual abuse has lasting influence on
sexual abuse has lasting influence on thinking feeling behavior and
thinking feeling behavior and
thinking feeling behavior and relationships if you are a survivor
relationships if you are a survivor
relationships if you are a survivor remember that you have been living this
remember that you have been living this
remember that you have been living this difficult story for years and there are
difficult story for years and there are
difficult story for years and there are no quick fixes pace yourself and share
no quick fixes pace yourself and share
no quick fixes pace yourself and share this with someone who will support and
this with someone who will support and
this with someone who will support and encourage you it’s okay and in fact it’s
encourage you it’s okay and in fact it’s
encourage you it’s okay and in fact it’s important that you move slowly make it a
important that you move slowly make it a
important that you move slowly make it a priority to take care of you little by
priority to take care of you little by
priority to take care of you little by little and gone little by little and on
little and gone little by little and on
little and gone little by little and on with each passing day just a little
with each passing day just a little
with each passing day just a little every day I am Ganesh and he is my
every day I am Ganesh and he is my
every day I am Ganesh and he is my favorite God
favorite God
favorite God [Music]
[Music]
[Music] so that’s my secret I carried that
so that’s my secret I carried that
so that’s my secret I carried that burden with me for almost 33 years this
burden with me for almost 33 years this
burden with me for almost 33 years this is what I was I stood up I spoke about
is what I was I stood up I spoke about
is what I was I stood up I spoke about love boots for the first time the DMA
love boots for the first time the DMA
love boots for the first time the DMA abuser died I didn’t know what I was
abuser died I didn’t know what I was
abuser died I didn’t know what I was supposed to be happy or celebrate that
supposed to be happy or celebrate that
supposed to be happy or celebrate that day or mourn because he was family but
day or mourn because he was family but
day or mourn because he was family but when I told about this to my friend
when I told about this to my friend
when I told about this to my friend who’s a filmmaker he said he wanted to
who’s a filmmaker he said he wanted to
who’s a filmmaker he said he wanted to make a film which invariably went on to
make a film which invariably went on to
make a film which invariably went on to become I am and it won the National
become I am and it won the National
become I am and it won the National Award in 2012 so the biggest challenge
Award in 2012 so the biggest challenge
Award in 2012 so the biggest challenge for me was I was brewing as a designer
for me was I was brewing as a designer
for me was I was brewing as a designer and I had such beautiful you know i didn
and I had such beautiful you know i didn
and I had such beautiful you know i didn t that created for myself I felt like do
t that created for myself I felt like do
t that created for myself I felt like do I need this unnecessary burden you know
I need this unnecessary burden you know
I need this unnecessary burden you know of being called a survivor which had to
of being called a survivor which had to
of being called a survivor which had to be tacked with me all my life so I told
be tacked with me all my life so I told
be tacked with me all my life so I told my friend that you know what I don’t
my friend that you know what I don’t
my friend that you know what I don’t know if I want to talk about it ever and
know if I want to talk about it ever and
know if I want to talk about it ever and openly but he said then if it’s not for
openly but he said then if it’s not for
openly but he said then if it’s not for you who will do it and you know I think
you who will do it and you know I think
you who will do it and you know I think at some point your personal and
at some point your personal and
at some point your personal and professional lives converge and I’m 40
professional lives converge and I’m 40
professional lives converge and I’m 40 I’m single I don’t have children because
I’m single I don’t have children because
I’m single I don’t have children because I’m homosexual in India and I said why
I’m homosexual in India and I said why
I’m homosexual in India and I said why not when I see kids of my friends who
not when I see kids of my friends who
not when I see kids of my friends who have kids around me
have kids around me
have kids around me the only thing which concerns me is I
the only thing which concerns me is I
the only thing which concerns me is I hope they are fine you know that’s what
hope they are fine you know that’s what
hope they are fine you know that’s what concerns today so here I didn’t spoken
concerns today so here I didn’t spoken
concerns today so here I didn’t spoken for all our children of the future and
for all our children of the future and
for all our children of the future and I’m sure it’s also for all those
I’m sure it’s also for all those
I’m sure it’s also for all those survivors probably even in this
survivors probably even in this
survivors probably even in this auditorium here there are a lot of
auditorium here there are a lot of
auditorium here there are a lot of people sitting around who are living in
people sitting around who are living in
people sitting around who are living in denial who live in misery
denial who live in misery
denial who live in misery so for those of you who had certain
so for those of you who had certain
so for those of you who had certain experiences like this in the past I
experiences like this in the past I
experiences like this in the past I think it’s very important that if you
think it’s very important that if you
think it’s very important that if you think you need help please state mental
think you need help please state mental
think you need help please state mental health you know don’t neglect mental
health you know don’t neglect mental
health you know don’t neglect mental health when you have a small wound you
health when you have a small wound you
health when you have a small wound you rush to the hospital if there’s blood
rush to the hospital if there’s blood
rush to the hospital if there’s blood oozing out but I think why why do we
oozing out but I think why why do we
oozing out but I think why why do we tend to stop ourselves from going to a
tend to stop ourselves from going to a
tend to stop ourselves from going to a psychiatrist when you have a problem you
psychiatrist when you have a problem you
psychiatrist when you have a problem you know and like I said the lot of issues
know and like I said the lot of issues
know and like I said the lot of issues which a survivor usually somebody who’s
which a survivor usually somebody who’s
which a survivor usually somebody who’s experienced with child sexual abuse
experienced with child sexual abuse
experienced with child sexual abuse carries forward there are so many
carries forward there are so many
carries forward there are so many difficulties in terms of relationship
difficulties in terms of relationship
difficulties in terms of relationship matters you know being depressed but I
matters you know being depressed but I
matters you know being depressed but I think for me my art has helped me the
think for me my art has helped me the
think for me my art has helped me the most from my childhood where I was
most from my childhood where I was
most from my childhood where I was painting or dancing over the today I do
painting or dancing over the today I do
painting or dancing over the today I do my theater everything was through Dance
my theater everything was through Dance
my theater everything was through Dance of art they were my best friends that
of art they were my best friends that
of art they were my best friends that was the only way I could reach out to
was the only way I could reach out to
was the only way I could reach out to express and I think what’s important is
express and I think what’s important is
express and I think what’s important is to each of us is to find our strengths
to each of us is to find our strengths
to each of us is to find our strengths whatever problem we have we need to find
whatever problem we have we need to find
whatever problem we have we need to find our strengths and work towards it and
our strengths and work towards it and
our strengths and work towards it and that’s how you create you design your
that’s how you create you design your
that’s how you create you design your own life and I have no regrets about
own life and I have no regrets about
own life and I have no regrets about what has happened but one thing I can
what has happened but one thing I can
what has happened but one thing I can say is a survivor never heals
say is a survivor never heals
say is a survivor never heals never but he can only try and this is my
never but he can only try and this is my
never but he can only try and this is my little journey of how I took forward
little journey of how I took forward
little journey of how I took forward [Applause]
”
Be First to Comment