one in three women and one in four men those numbers represent the number of
those numbers represent the number of
those numbers represent the number of individuals who have reported being
individuals who have reported being
individuals who have reported being physically assaulted by a dating partner
physically assaulted by a dating partner
physically assaulted by a dating partner in their lifetime to put those numbers
in their lifetime to put those numbers
in their lifetime to put those numbers in a real-world perspective that means
in a real-world perspective that means
in a real-world perspective that means that approximately 70 people right here
that approximately 70 people right here
that approximately 70 people right here in this room today have been physically
in this room today have been physically
in this room today have been physically attacked by someone that they dated or
attacked by someone that they dated or
attacked by someone that they dated or married 70 people but what’s more
married 70 people but what’s more
married 70 people but what’s more disturbing is that those numbers don’t
disturbing is that those numbers don’t
disturbing is that those numbers don’t include other forms of abuse those
include other forms of abuse those
include other forms of abuse those numbers don’t include psychological or
numbers don’t include psychological or
numbers don’t include psychological or verbal abuse and those numbers do not
verbal abuse and those numbers do not
verbal abuse and those numbers do not include individuals who have never
include individuals who have never
include individuals who have never reported their abuser I never did for
reported their abuser I never did for
reported their abuser I never did for the past 20 plus years I’ve been on a
the past 20 plus years I’ve been on a
the past 20 plus years I’ve been on a bit of a journey that journey took me
bit of a journey that journey took me
bit of a journey that journey took me far away from the person that I once was
far away from the person that I once was
far away from the person that I once was and sometimes I reflect on probably the
and sometimes I reflect on probably the
and sometimes I reflect on probably the same question that you have and that’s
same question that you have and that’s
same question that you have and that’s why did I never report him well there’s
why did I never report him well there’s
why did I never report him well there’s a number of reasons that victims don’t
a number of reasons that victims don’t
a number of reasons that victims don’t report abusers and one of those reasons
report abusers and one of those reasons
report abusers and one of those reasons in a very legitimate one is fear victims
in a very legitimate one is fear victims
in a very legitimate one is fear victims often fear what their abuser will do to
often fear what their abuser will do to
often fear what their abuser will do to them should they talk they’re concerned
them should they talk they’re concerned
them should they talk they’re concerned about their livelihood once they leave
about their livelihood once they leave
about their livelihood once they leave an abusive relationship finances
an abusive relationship finances
an abusive relationship finances children or having a roof over their
children or having a roof over their
children or having a roof over their head many victims believe that the abuse
head many victims believe that the abuse
head many victims believe that the abuse is their fault because that’s what
is their fault because that’s what
is their fault because that’s what abusers do they tell you that it’s your
abusers do they tell you that it’s your
abusers do they tell you that it’s your fault they’re very good at victim
fault they’re very good at victim
fault they’re very good at victim blaming and many probably most are
blaming and many probably most are
blaming and many probably most are ashamed they’re ashamed that they’ve
ashamed they’re ashamed that they’ve
ashamed they’re ashamed that they’ve allowed someone to control their life I
allowed someone to control their life I
allowed someone to control their life I was ashamed I was ashamed of the things
was ashamed I was ashamed of the things
was ashamed I was ashamed of the things that my husband
that my husband
that my husband to me and I was ashamed of the lies that
to me and I was ashamed of the lies that
to me and I was ashamed of the lies that I told to protect him I was ashamed that
I told to protect him I was ashamed that
I told to protect him I was ashamed that my marriage wasn’t the loving
my marriage wasn’t the loving
my marriage wasn’t the loving relationship that I believed that it
relationship that I believed that it
relationship that I believed that it could be and that I portrayed it to be
could be and that I portrayed it to be
could be and that I portrayed it to be but I’m not ashamed anymore because now
but I’m not ashamed anymore because now
but I’m not ashamed anymore because now I know and I want you all to know that
I know and I want you all to know that
I know and I want you all to know that domestic violence is never the fault of
domestic violence is never the fault of
domestic violence is never the fault of the victim abuse is caused by abusers my
the victim abuse is caused by abusers my
the victim abuse is caused by abusers my journey that took me far from Who I was
journey that took me far from Who I was
journey that took me far from Who I was left me staring at a reflection that I
left me staring at a reflection that I
left me staring at a reflection that I didn’t recognize
didn’t recognize
didn’t recognize she looked the same on the outside but
she looked the same on the outside but
she looked the same on the outside but if I really looked a deep into her eyes
if I really looked a deep into her eyes
if I really looked a deep into her eyes she was empty she had no interest in
she was empty she had no interest in
she was empty she had no interest in anything she found no joy and the
anything she found no joy and the
anything she found no joy and the happiest of occasions she was a shell
happiest of occasions she was a shell
happiest of occasions she was a shell but what was worse is that I couldn’t
but what was worse is that I couldn’t
but what was worse is that I couldn’t comprehend how it had gotten to this
comprehend how it had gotten to this
comprehend how it had gotten to this point I mean I was a strong independent
point I mean I was a strong independent
point I mean I was a strong independent and ambitious woman I had a plan for my
and ambitious woman I had a plan for my
and ambitious woman I had a plan for my life and this was not it
life and this was not it
life and this was not it you see domestic violence is not a
you see domestic violence is not a
you see domestic violence is not a choice I did not choose to be with an
choice I did not choose to be with an
choice I did not choose to be with an abuser I did not choose to lose my
abuser I did not choose to lose my
abuser I did not choose to lose my strength my confidence in my identity I
strength my confidence in my identity I
strength my confidence in my identity I simply chose to love a man that I
simply chose to love a man that I
simply chose to love a man that I believed was everything that I wanted in
believed was everything that I wanted in
believed was everything that I wanted in life and the rest of it that happened in
life and the rest of it that happened in
life and the rest of it that happened in a slow and methodical pattern over the
a slow and methodical pattern over the
a slow and methodical pattern over the course of years and by the time I even
course of years and by the time I even
course of years and by the time I even realized that something wasn’t right it
realized that something wasn’t right it
realized that something wasn’t right it was honestly too late I was too broken
was honestly too late I was too broken
was honestly too late I was too broken but my story it didn’t start that way my
but my story it didn’t start that way my
but my story it didn’t start that way my story started as a blissful highschool
story started as a blissful highschool
story started as a blissful highschool romance I had waited two entire years
romance I had waited two entire years
romance I had waited two entire years for him to notice me and he finally had
for him to notice me and he finally had
for him to notice me and he finally had I was ecstatic
I was ecstatic
I was ecstatic did I mention that I was 15 years old
did I mention that I was 15 years old
did I mention that I was 15 years old you can imagine how happy I was as happy
you can imagine how happy I was as happy
you can imagine how happy I was as happy as a 15 year old can be over someone
as a 15 year old can be over someone
as a 15 year old can be over someone noticing them but that’s where I was and
noticing them but that’s where I was and
noticing them but that’s where I was and soon
soon
soon the red flags they started to pop up all
the red flags they started to pop up all
the red flags they started to pop up all over the place but I didn’t recognize
over the place but I didn’t recognize
over the place but I didn’t recognize them as the warning signs that they
them as the warning signs that they
them as the warning signs that they should have been instead i interpreted
should have been instead i interpreted
should have been instead i interpreted them to be signs of true love and
them to be signs of true love and
them to be signs of true love and affection when he would do small things
affection when he would do small things
affection when he would do small things like guilt me for spending time with my
like guilt me for spending time with my
like guilt me for spending time with my family and friends I interpreted that as
family and friends I interpreted that as
family and friends I interpreted that as he loved me and he wanted to spend time
he loved me and he wanted to spend time
he loved me and he wanted to spend time with me that was great
with me that was great
with me that was great right and when he would call me names
right and when he would call me names
right and when he would call me names and put me down I interpreted that as
and put me down I interpreted that as
and put me down I interpreted that as him just teasing me or nudging me along
him just teasing me or nudging me along
him just teasing me or nudging me along because he wanted me to be the best
because he wanted me to be the best
because he wanted me to be the best version of myself that I could possibly
version of myself that I could possibly
version of myself that I could possibly be and later when he put his hands on me
be and later when he put his hands on me
be and later when he put his hands on me out of anger I interpreted that as being
out of anger I interpreted that as being
out of anger I interpreted that as being my fault because that’s what he had told
my fault because that’s what he had told
my fault because that’s what he had told me and I believed him why wouldn’t I he
me and I believed him why wouldn’t I he
me and I believed him why wouldn’t I he loved me right but over time it became
loved me right but over time it became
loved me right but over time it became apparent that nothing I could do
apparent that nothing I could do
apparent that nothing I could do would be good enough his temper would
would be good enough his temper would
would be good enough his temper would flare over the simplest of things
flare over the simplest of things
flare over the simplest of things resulting in broken keepsakes things
resulting in broken keepsakes things
resulting in broken keepsakes things being thrown at me physical attacks
being thrown at me physical attacks
being thrown at me physical attacks threats to take his own life and even a
threats to take his own life and even a
threats to take his own life and even a loaded gun pointed at me all from a man
loaded gun pointed at me all from a man
loaded gun pointed at me all from a man who I believed loved me and through all
who I believed loved me and through all
who I believed loved me and through all of it I lied to my family and friends I
of it I lied to my family and friends I
of it I lied to my family and friends I made excuses for his actions and his
made excuses for his actions and his
made excuses for his actions and his absences and I protected him with
absences and I protected him with
absences and I protected him with everything that I had you might wonder
everything that I had you might wonder
everything that I had you might wonder why would somebody protect someone that
why would somebody protect someone that
why would somebody protect someone that treated them soon so cruelly well the
treated them soon so cruelly well the
treated them soon so cruelly well the answer is quite simple actually because
answer is quite simple actually because
answer is quite simple actually because he wasn’t always cruel we had a
he wasn’t always cruel we had a
he wasn’t always cruel we had a relationship I had been with him for
relationship I had been with him for
relationship I had been with him for years it was six years that we were
years it was six years that we were
years it was six years that we were together and already married before I
together and already married before I
together and already married before I ever saw him actually break something
ever saw him actually break something
ever saw him actually break something and it was several more before I have a
and it was several more before I have a
and it was several more before I have a rational memory or an actual memory of
rational memory or an actual memory of
rational memory or an actual memory of him putting his hands on me in a way
him putting his hands on me in a way
him putting his hands on me in a way that I knew was not teasing anymore and
that I knew was not teasing anymore and
that I knew was not teasing anymore and I believed that if I could just do
I believed that if I could just do
I believed that if I could just do better if I could be a better person a
better if I could be a better person a
better if I could be a better person a better wife if I could not do things to
better wife if I could not do things to
better wife if I could not do things to anger him then it would get better
anger him then it would get better
anger him then it would get better because we loved one another and right I
because we loved one another and right I
because we loved one another and right I mean all marriages have problems don’t
mean all marriages have problems don’t
mean all marriages have problems don’t they but it didn’t get better it took me
they but it didn’t get better it took me
they but it didn’t get better it took me 16 years to decide that I could take no
16 years to decide that I could take no
16 years to decide that I could take no more and several more months to actually
more and several more months to actually
more and several more months to actually walk out the door I remember that
walk out the door I remember that
walk out the door I remember that feeling like it was yesterday
feeling like it was yesterday
feeling like it was yesterday I remember thinking I’m free I can do
I remember thinking I’m free I can do
I remember thinking I’m free I can do what I want go where I want with who I
what I want go where I want with who I
what I want go where I want with who I want
want
want he was a euphoria like none other
he was a euphoria like none other
he was a euphoria like none other this massive weight had been lifted off
this massive weight had been lifted off
this massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders but as that euphoria began
my shoulders but as that euphoria began
my shoulders but as that euphoria began to fade
to fade
to fade I found myself struggling with feelings
I found myself struggling with feelings
I found myself struggling with feelings and emotions that I didn’t understand
and emotions that I didn’t understand
and emotions that I didn’t understand but I clung to the fact that I was a
but I clung to the fact that I was a
but I clung to the fact that I was a strong woman and I refused help I had a
strong woman and I refused help I had a
strong woman and I refused help I had a job I had a house I had a support system
job I had a house I had a support system
job I had a house I had a support system I didn’t need a shelter I didn’t need a
I didn’t need a shelter I didn’t need a
I didn’t need a shelter I didn’t need a therapist but over time those emotions
therapist but over time those emotions
therapist but over time those emotions got larger and I found
got larger and I found
got larger and I found myself struggling with gastrointestinal
myself struggling with gastrointestinal
myself struggling with gastrointestinal issues debilitating chronic fatigue
issues debilitating chronic fatigue
issues debilitating chronic fatigue major depression anxiety and PTSD all of
major depression anxiety and PTSD all of
major depression anxiety and PTSD all of which was affecting every day of my life
which was affecting every day of my life
which was affecting every day of my life but what was almost worse than that was
but what was almost worse than that was
but what was almost worse than that was that I believed that nobody understood
that I believed that nobody understood
that I believed that nobody understood what I was going through Society had
what I was going through Society had
what I was going through Society had taught me that nobody would understand
taught me that nobody would understand
taught me that nobody would understand comments from friends strangers even
comments from friends strangers even
comments from friends strangers even things on TV told me that a strong
things on TV told me that a strong
things on TV told me that a strong independent woman would never put up
independent woman would never put up
independent woman would never put up with that garbage from anyone let alone
with that garbage from anyone let alone
with that garbage from anyone let alone somebody that claimed to love her
comments from people who I’m sure you’ve
comments from people who I’m sure you’ve all heard them if any man talked to me
all heard them if any man talked to me
all heard them if any man talked to me that way I’m kicking to the curb Oh
that way I’m kicking to the curb Oh
that way I’m kicking to the curb Oh better not lay a hand on me he’d wish he
better not lay a hand on me he’d wish he
better not lay a hand on me he’d wish he never had those comments they cut me
never had those comments they cut me
never had those comments they cut me like a knife but what did those people
like a knife but what did those people
like a knife but what did those people know had they ever actually have to did
know had they ever actually have to did
know had they ever actually have to did they ever actually have to walk out on
they ever actually have to walk out on
they ever actually have to walk out on someone that they loved just so that
someone that they loved just so that
someone that they loved just so that they could feel sane again I’m happy to
they could feel sane again I’m happy to
they could feel sane again I’m happy to report that as I stand in front of you
report that as I stand in front of you
report that as I stand in front of you today I’m no longer looking at that same
today I’m no longer looking at that same
today I’m no longer looking at that same broken reflection in the mirror anymore
broken reflection in the mirror anymore
broken reflection in the mirror anymore I stand in front of you today as a
I stand in front of you today as a
I stand in front of you today as a survivor because I want those that are
survivor because I want those that are
survivor because I want those that are where I was those who are struggling to
where I was those who are struggling to
where I was those who are struggling to escape a violent relationship or are
escape a violent relationship or are
escape a violent relationship or are struggling to find themselves again
struggling to find themselves again
struggling to find themselves again after abuse to know that there can be a
after abuse to know that there can be a
after abuse to know that there can be a beautiful life after abuse it doesn’t
beautiful life after abuse it doesn’t
beautiful life after abuse it doesn’t just happen overnight it takes work it
just happen overnight it takes work it
just happen overnight it takes work it takes hard work it’s a process which
takes hard work it’s a process which
takes hard work it’s a process which involves things like therapy group
involves things like therapy group
involves things like therapy group activities and new hobbies
activities and new hobbies
activities and new hobbies stint rewiring of your brain where you
stint rewiring of your brain where you
stint rewiring of your brain where you have to learn and relearn and relearn
have to learn and relearn and relearn
have to learn and relearn and relearn again how to take the thoughts that make
again how to take the thoughts that make
again how to take the thoughts that make you feel broken and turn them into
you feel broken and turn them into
you feel broken and turn them into thoughts that make you feel alive again
thoughts that make you feel alive again
thoughts that make you feel alive again but it can be done as part of my healing
but it can be done as part of my healing
but it can be done as part of my healing my therapist encouraged me to journal I
my therapist encouraged me to journal I
my therapist encouraged me to journal I wasn’t real thrilled with that idea hi
wasn’t real thrilled with that idea hi
wasn’t real thrilled with that idea hi put my darkest and deepest scariest
put my darkest and deepest scariest
put my darkest and deepest scariest thoughts on paper yeah I know thank you
thoughts on paper yeah I know thank you
thoughts on paper yeah I know thank you but it kind of forced the issue and I
but it kind of forced the issue and I
but it kind of forced the issue and I did and with time it helped and I
did and with time it helped and I
did and with time it helped and I decided I wanted to do something more
decided I wanted to do something more
decided I wanted to do something more with that I thought you know if I’m
with that I thought you know if I’m
with that I thought you know if I’m gonna put all this stuff out there I
gonna put all this stuff out there I
gonna put all this stuff out there I might as well just share it because if I
might as well just share it because if I
might as well just share it because if I talk about it maybe it’ll help people
talk about it maybe it’ll help people
talk about it maybe it’ll help people that don’t understand to understand and
that don’t understand to understand and
that don’t understand to understand and those that are going through it to know
those that are going through it to know
those that are going through it to know that they’re not alone and not only was
that they’re not alone and not only was
that they’re not alone and not only was I reaching other people but they were
I reaching other people but they were
I reaching other people but they were reaching me and together we were healing
reaching me and together we were healing
reaching me and together we were healing it was an amazing journey an amazing
it was an amazing journey an amazing
it was an amazing journey an amazing thing to experience and as time went by
thing to experience and as time went by
thing to experience and as time went by I felt led to do more with that online
I felt led to do more with that online
I felt led to do more with that online journal and I actually turned it into a
journal and I actually turned it into a
journal and I actually turned it into a book it’s called forget-me-nots learning
book it’s called forget-me-nots learning
book it’s called forget-me-nots learning to live with me and for me and that book
to live with me and for me and that book
to live with me and for me and that book is a memoir that talks about my abuse my
is a memoir that talks about my abuse my
is a memoir that talks about my abuse my that that relationship how I got there
that that relationship how I got there
that that relationship how I got there the crazy things that were in my head
the crazy things that were in my head
the crazy things that were in my head the why questions why I never left why I
the why questions why I never left why I
the why questions why I never left why I stayed but also the healing that took
stayed but also the healing that took
stayed but also the healing that took place after and again I was surprised at
place after and again I was surprised at
place after and again I was surprised at the feedback that I got and how many
the feedback that I got and how many
the feedback that I got and how many individuals found me because I shared my
individuals found me because I shared my
individuals found me because I shared my story and I learned the great number of
story and I learned the great number of
story and I learned the great number of people that are suffering daily because
people that are suffering daily because
people that are suffering daily because somebody that they love beat them down
somebody that they love beat them down
somebody that they love beat them down and I
and I
and I decided to start a non-profit forgot me
decided to start a non-profit forgot me
decided to start a non-profit forgot me not advocacy group is a Fort Lauderdale
not advocacy group is a Fort Lauderdale
not advocacy group is a Fort Lauderdale based organization where we focus on
based organization where we focus on
based organization where we focus on stopping domestic violence before it
stopping domestic violence before it
stopping domestic violence before it starts that’s right
starts that’s right
starts that’s right prevention we’re in place to talk about
prevention we’re in place to talk about
prevention we’re in place to talk about that which society wants to bury we are
that which society wants to bury we are
that which society wants to bury we are in place to drag domestic violence out
in place to drag domestic violence out
in place to drag domestic violence out of the shadows where it thrives and
of the shadows where it thrives and
of the shadows where it thrives and shine a really bright light on it
shine a really bright light on it
shine a really bright light on it because we want to see less of our young
because we want to see less of our young
because we want to see less of our young people becoming another statistic did
people becoming another statistic did
people becoming another statistic did you know that 81% of parents don’t
you know that 81% of parents don’t
you know that 81% of parents don’t believe or are unaware that teen dating
believe or are unaware that teen dating
believe or are unaware that teen dating violence even exists 81% and yet one in
violence even exists 81% and yet one in
violence even exists 81% and yet one in three teens are reporting that they are
three teens are reporting that they are
three teens are reporting that they are being physically emotionally sexually or
being physically emotionally sexually or
being physically emotionally sexually or verbally assaulted by a dating partner
verbally assaulted by a dating partner
verbally assaulted by a dating partner that’s higher than any other adolescent
that’s higher than any other adolescent
that’s higher than any other adolescent violence when we’re talking about adult
violence when we’re talking about adult
violence when we’re talking about adult intimate partner violence that affects
intimate partner violence that affects
intimate partner violence that affects more women than breast cancer ovarian
more women than breast cancer ovarian
more women than breast cancer ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined do that
cancer and lung cancer combined do that
cancer and lung cancer combined do that math are we out marching in droves
math are we out marching in droves
math are we out marching in droves against domestic violence are we
against domestic violence are we
against domestic violence are we painting the town in the world purple
that is why I’m here to talk to you
that is why I’m here to talk to you today that is why I started
today that is why I started
today that is why I started forget-me-nots advocacy group because
forget-me-nots advocacy group because
forget-me-nots advocacy group because that’s just one number don’t forget that
that’s just one number don’t forget that
that’s just one number don’t forget that one in three of you women and one in
one in three of you women and one in
one in three of you women and one in four of you men have been physically
four of you men have been physically
four of you men have been physically attacked and that we’re not speaking
attacked and that we’re not speaking
attacked and that we’re not speaking about emotional or verbal abuse which by
about emotional or verbal abuse which by
about emotional or verbal abuse which by the way is really really hard to come
the way is really really hard to come
the way is really really hard to come back from it’s
back from it’s
back from it’s that we as a community said no more it’s
that we as a community said no more it’s
that we as a community said no more it’s time that we work to prevent this and
time that we work to prevent this and
time that we work to prevent this and forget-me-nots advocacy group we talk to
forget-me-nots advocacy group we talk to
forget-me-nots advocacy group we talk to our young people in a goal with the goal
our young people in a goal with the goal
our young people in a goal with the goal of giving them the tools that they need
of giving them the tools that they need
of giving them the tools that they need to recognize and avoid domestic abuse we
to recognize and avoid domestic abuse we
to recognize and avoid domestic abuse we explain to them
explain to them
explain to them domestic violence doesn’t start with a
domestic violence doesn’t start with a
domestic violence doesn’t start with a punch it’s much smaller than that when
punch it’s much smaller than that when
punch it’s much smaller than that when your dating partner says to you I want
your dating partner says to you I want
your dating partner says to you I want your password for your phone or demands
your password for your phone or demands
your password for your phone or demands to have access to your social media
to have access to your social media
to have access to your social media accounts that’s not love that’s
accounts that’s not love that’s
accounts that’s not love that’s unacceptable
unacceptable
unacceptable that’s control whenever your dating
that’s control whenever your dating
that’s control whenever your dating partner lays their hands on you out of
partner lays their hands on you out of
partner lays their hands on you out of anger or in an effort to control you
anger or in an effort to control you
anger or in an effort to control you that is not love that’s behavior that
that is not love that’s behavior that
that is not love that’s behavior that cannot be tolerated and whenever your
cannot be tolerated and whenever your
cannot be tolerated and whenever your dating partner tries to make you feel
dating partner tries to make you feel
dating partner tries to make you feel like less of a person that’s not love
like less of a person that’s not love
like less of a person that’s not love that’s abusive behavior
that’s abusive behavior
that’s abusive behavior I want our society in our community to
I want our society in our community to
I want our society in our community to shine the light on domestic violence
shine the light on domestic violence
shine the light on domestic violence with me my hope is that we will start to
with me my hope is that we will start to
with me my hope is that we will start to realize and acknowledge the unacceptable
realize and acknowledge the unacceptable
realize and acknowledge the unacceptable high rates of domestic violence in our
high rates of domestic violence in our
high rates of domestic violence in our society and not continue to push them
society and not continue to push them
society and not continue to push them away everyone deserves to have a happy
away everyone deserves to have a happy
away everyone deserves to have a happy healthy and beautiful life and no one
healthy and beautiful life and no one
healthy and beautiful life and no one should have to try to regain that after
should have to try to regain that after
should have to try to regain that after someone else has taken it away from them
someone else has taken it away from them
someone else has taken it away from them I’m here today to challenge you all of
I’m here today to challenge you all of
I’m here today to challenge you all of you to be that change educate yourself
you to be that change educate yourself
you to be that change educate yourself so that you can protect yourself and
so that you can protect yourself and
so that you can protect yourself and others support organizations that are
others support organizations that are
others support organizations that are helping victims to find their freedom
helping victims to find their freedom
helping victims to find their freedom and to get them back on their safe their
and to get them back on their safe their
and to get them back on their safe their feet safely and shine your light
feet safely and shine your light
feet safely and shine your light brightly on this issue by speaking up
brightly on this issue by speaking up
brightly on this issue by speaking up thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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