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The Eulogy Project | Ali Hillman & Ellie Hogg | TEDxEHC


[Applause]

[Applause] Ali Murray Katheryn McElwee hillman was

Ali Murray Katheryn McElwee hillman was

Ali Murray Katheryn McElwee hillman was many things honors scholar Resident

many things honors scholar Resident

many things honors scholar Resident Advisor best friend and as her autopsy

Advisor best friend and as her autopsy

Advisor best friend and as her autopsy recently revealed hardcore sriracha

recently revealed hardcore sriracha

recently revealed hardcore sriracha addict while there are no words that

addict while there are no words that

addict while there are no words that while there are no words for the grief

while there are no words for the grief

while there are no words for the grief that we feel at Ali’s unexpected

that we feel at Ali’s unexpected

that we feel at Ali’s unexpected departure from this world we must take

departure from this world we must take

departure from this world we must take solace in the fact that she lived a long

solace in the fact that she lived a long

solace in the fact that she lived a long and brilliantly colorful life and that

and brilliantly colorful life and that

and brilliantly colorful life and that she slept with a lot of vaguely ethnic

she slept with a lot of vaguely ethnic

she slept with a lot of vaguely ethnic guys shout out to my parents who will

guys shout out to my parents who will

guys shout out to my parents who will watch this online at some point sorry

watch this online at some point sorry

watch this online at some point sorry about it mom to begin with I would like

about it mom to begin with I would like

about it mom to begin with I would like to clarify that Ellie did not instigate

to clarify that Ellie did not instigate

to clarify that Ellie did not instigate the literal catfight that brought upon

the literal catfight that brought upon

the literal catfight that brought upon her demise and the decades that I have

her demise and the decades that I have

her demise and the decades that I have known her Ellie never once demonstrated

known her Ellie never once demonstrated

known her Ellie never once demonstrated anything but extreme affection towards

anything but extreme affection towards

anything but extreme affection towards cats I promise to use the full weight

cats I promise to use the full weight

cats I promise to use the full weight behind my nonprofit dog people bringing

behind my nonprofit dog people bringing

behind my nonprofit dog people bringing few lines to Justice to investigate my

few lines to Justice to investigate my

few lines to Justice to investigate my best friend’s tragic murder at the paws

best friend’s tragic murder at the paws

best friend’s tragic murder at the paws of her cats in times of grief it is

of her cats in times of grief it is

of her cats in times of grief it is tempting to say that there are no words

tempting to say that there are no words

tempting to say that there are no words for what we are feeling but in truth

for what we are feeling but in truth

for what we are feeling but in truth words are sometimes the only thing that

words are sometimes the only thing that

words are sometimes the only thing that we have left and as a middle class white

we have left and as a middle class white

we have left and as a middle class white person from Kentucky I clearly know a

person from Kentucky I clearly know a

person from Kentucky I clearly know a lot about loss and suffering when we

lot about loss and suffering when we

lot about loss and suffering when we tell people that we write eulogies they

tell people that we write eulogies they

tell people that we write eulogies they tend to think that we are weird or

tend to think that we are weird or

tend to think that we are weird or overly morbid or just joking and they

overly morbid or just joking and they

overly morbid or just joking and they are actually correct in all three of

are actually correct in all three of

are actually correct in all three of those assumptions Jackson was not only a

those assumptions Jackson was not only a

those assumptions Jackson was not only a terrific professor and administrator he

terrific professor and administrator he

terrific professor and administrator he was also a remarkable friend he was a

was also a remarkable friend he was a

was also a remarkable friend he was a beer snob an avid snapple iced tea

beer snob an avid snapple iced tea

beer snob an avid snapple iced tea consumer and he possessed an array of

consumer and he possessed an array of

consumer and he possessed an array of awkward dad noises that he was known to

awkward dad noises that he was known to

awkward dad noises that he was known to randomly unleash upon unsuspecting

randomly unleash upon unsuspecting

randomly unleash upon unsuspecting audiences his untimely demise brought

audiences his untimely demise brought

audiences his untimely demise brought about by a herd of frightened llamas

about by a herd of frightened llamas

about by a herd of frightened llamas will be deeply mourned Jackson leaves

will be deeply mourned Jackson leaves

will be deeply mourned Jackson leaves behind three children Joyce Swift and

behind three children Joyce Swift and

behind three children Joyce Swift and wild and an eclectic llama hurting wife

wild and an eclectic llama hurting wife

wild and an eclectic llama hurting wife who regrets not being able to be here

who regrets not being able to be here

who regrets not being able to be here today as she is currently being

today as she is currently being

today as she is currently being questioned by the authorities about her

questioned by the authorities about her

questioned by the authorities about her dealings with black market imported

dealings with black market imported

dealings with black market imported unicorn meat much like black market

unicorn meat much like black market

unicorn meat much like black market imported unicorn me

imported unicorn me

imported unicorn me not a lot of people know about the

not a lot of people know about the

not a lot of people know about the eulogy project but we think that it has

eulogy project but we think that it has

eulogy project but we think that it has a lot of potential to bring about magic

a lot of potential to bring about magic

a lot of potential to bring about magic in the fall of 2014 I was preparing to

in the fall of 2014 I was preparing to

in the fall of 2014 I was preparing to study abroad for a semester in Ireland I

study abroad for a semester in Ireland I

study abroad for a semester in Ireland I was about to spend five months drinking

was about to spend five months drinking

was about to spend five months drinking Guinness and avoiding school work but

Guinness and avoiding school work but

Guinness and avoiding school work but based on how sad I was you would have

based on how sad I was you would have

based on how sad I was you would have thought that I was being shipped off to

thought that I was being shipped off to

thought that I was being shipped off to a war criminal camp but in a stroke of

a war criminal camp but in a stroke of

a war criminal camp but in a stroke of brilliance and a bitter unwillingness to

brilliance and a bitter unwillingness to

brilliance and a bitter unwillingness to spend money on each other for Christmas

spend money on each other for Christmas

spend money on each other for Christmas gifts Ali and I decided to write

gifts Ali and I decided to write

gifts Ali and I decided to write eulogies as a way of processing my

eulogies as a way of processing my

eulogies as a way of processing my impending departure lest you think that

impending departure lest you think that

impending departure lest you think that this is an inappropriate and outlandish

this is an inappropriate and outlandish

this is an inappropriate and outlandish idea that mocks grief and devastation we

idea that mocks grief and devastation we

idea that mocks grief and devastation we hope you’ll give the eulogy project a

hope you’ll give the eulogy project a

hope you’ll give the eulogy project a chance to help frame the vital human

chance to help frame the vital human

chance to help frame the vital human process of recognition so think about

process of recognition so think about

process of recognition so think about some of the things you’ve done thus far

some of the things you’ve done thus far

some of the things you’ve done thus far in your life you have likely been asked

in your life you have likely been asked

in your life you have likely been asked in job interviews on second dates in

in job interviews on second dates in

in job interviews on second dates in college and graduate school applications

college and graduate school applications

college and graduate school applications to tell your story you put words to your

to tell your story you put words to your

to tell your story you put words to your life and you share it with others we

life and you share it with others we

life and you share it with others we emphasized so much that at the end of

emphasized so much that at the end of

emphasized so much that at the end of your life you want to be able to look

your life you want to be able to look

your life you want to be able to look back and see and tell a story that

back and see and tell a story that

back and see and tell a story that satisfies you you’ll want to have an

satisfies you you’ll want to have an

satisfies you you’ll want to have an Instagram account that reflects your

Instagram account that reflects your

Instagram account that reflects your particular mix of daring adventure and

particular mix of daring adventure and

particular mix of daring adventure and night spent in deep philosophical

night spent in deep philosophical

night spent in deep philosophical discussion with your cat from process

discussion with your cat from process

discussion with your cat from process and goodbyes as someone prepares to

and goodbyes as someone prepares to

and goodbyes as someone prepares to study abroad to grieving the loss of a

study abroad to grieving the loss of a

study abroad to grieving the loss of a loved one eulogies offer a time to pause

loved one eulogies offer a time to pause

loved one eulogies offer a time to pause and reflect on what was what might have

and reflect on what was what might have

and reflect on what was what might have been and what still could be because

been and what still could be because

been and what still could be because endings are cathartic even if nothing’s

endings are cathartic even if nothing’s

endings are cathartic even if nothing’s actually ending to quote the great

actually ending to quote the great

actually ending to quote the great philosopher and lead singer of

philosopher and lead singer of

philosopher and lead singer of nickelback chad kroeger if today was

nickelback chad kroeger if today was

nickelback chad kroeger if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

your last day and tomorrow was too late

your last day and tomorrow was too late could you say goodbye to yesterday

could you say goodbye to yesterday

could you say goodbye to yesterday eulogies help process feelings that are

eulogies help process feelings that are

eulogies help process feelings that are almost as incomprehensible as that song

almost as incomprehensible as that song

almost as incomprehensible as that song lyric we work to maintain our stories we

lyric we work to maintain our stories we

lyric we work to maintain our stories we make plans bucket lists we set goals

make plans bucket lists we set goals

make plans bucket lists we set goals Pinterest accounts are dedicated to this

Pinterest accounts are dedicated to this

Pinterest accounts are dedicated to this stuff we write memoirs blogs love

stuff we write memoirs blogs love

stuff we write memoirs blogs love letters notes in the sky we make theater

letters notes in the sky we make theater

letters notes in the sky we make theater sculptures all forms of art we make

sculptures all forms of art we make

sculptures all forms of art we make lists that tell our stories just like

lists that tell our stories just like

lists that tell our stories just like this one we are comprised of stories and

this one we are comprised of stories and

this one we are comprised of stories and our communities are built upon them you

our communities are built upon them you

our communities are built upon them you get it the story should is important so

get it the story should is important so

get it the story should is important so are the people in our stories the ones

are the people in our stories the ones

are the people in our stories the ones who share in them the ones who made it

who share in them the ones who made it

who share in them the ones who made it possible for us to live

possible for us to live

possible for us to live them the random ones you never

them the random ones you never

them the random ones you never anticipated including in your life

anticipated including in your life

anticipated including in your life narrative the hiker you fell in love

narrative the hiker you fell in love

narrative the hiker you fell in love with your grandmother your best friend

with your grandmother your best friend

with your grandmother your best friend your gynecologist if stories are our

your gynecologist if stories are our

your gynecologist if stories are our lives people are the often confounding

lives people are the often confounding

lives people are the often confounding language behind them so what stories can

language behind them so what stories can

language behind them so what stories can they and will they tell about you

they and will they tell about you

they and will they tell about you perhaps more importantly what stories

perhaps more importantly what stories

perhaps more importantly what stories can you tell about them eulogies are the

can you tell about them eulogies are the

can you tell about them eulogies are the stories that we tell at the end of

stories that we tell at the end of

stories that we tell at the end of someone’s life but we were too impatient

someone’s life but we were too impatient

someone’s life but we were too impatient to wait another 60 or 70 years until we

to wait another 60 or 70 years until we

to wait another 60 or 70 years until we actually just died to honor each other

actually just died to honor each other

actually just died to honor each other in this way by writing eulogies we get

in this way by writing eulogies we get

in this way by writing eulogies we get to give each other the gift of our

to give each other the gift of our

to give each other the gift of our honest perceptions of them and so many

honest perceptions of them and so many

honest perceptions of them and so many of us know life doesn’t have to end in

of us know life doesn’t have to end in

of us know life doesn’t have to end in order for grief to visit us to become

order for grief to visit us to become

order for grief to visit us to become part of our stories so much of life is

part of our stories so much of life is

part of our stories so much of life is transition and transitions are hard

transition and transitions are hard

transition and transitions are hard leaving hurts being left hurts sometimes

leaving hurts being left hurts sometimes

leaving hurts being left hurts sometimes just being hurts it takes courage and it

just being hurts it takes courage and it

just being hurts it takes courage and it takes recognition so I want to see your

takes recognition so I want to see your

takes recognition so I want to see your truth and to hear your piercing screams

truth and to hear your piercing screams

truth and to hear your piercing screams and sometimes it’s more for us than the

and sometimes it’s more for us than the

and sometimes it’s more for us than the people that were writing about following

people that were writing about following

people that were writing about following the outcome of the 2016 election I was

the outcome of the 2016 election I was

the outcome of the 2016 election I was really upset and some of you might have

really upset and some of you might have

really upset and some of you might have been upset too so I decided to write a

been upset too so I decided to write a

been upset too so I decided to write a eulogy for Hillary Clinton which was

eulogy for Hillary Clinton which was

eulogy for Hillary Clinton which was exactly as depressing and lame as you

exactly as depressing and lame as you

exactly as depressing and lame as you might expect it to be but it helped us

might expect it to be but it helped us

might expect it to be but it helped us realize something maybe writing eulogies

realize something maybe writing eulogies

realize something maybe writing eulogies could work outside of a group outside of

could work outside of a group outside of

could work outside of a group outside of the group of our quirky friends and the

the group of our quirky friends and the

the group of our quirky friends and the handful of professors who have gotten on

handful of professors who have gotten on

handful of professors who have gotten on board with our unabashed should embrace

board with our unabashed should embrace

board with our unabashed should embrace of morbidity so we did what all

of morbidity so we did what all

of morbidity so we did what all self-involvement eels to and with the

self-involvement eels to and with the

self-involvement eels to and with the help of an incredible friend we created

help of an incredible friend we created

help of an incredible friend we created a website because why should we be the

a website because why should we be the

a website because why should we be the only ones who get to kill our friends

only ones who get to kill our friends

only ones who get to kill our friends and laugh about it after a series of

and laugh about it after a series of

and laugh about it after a series of trial runs in a couple different classes

trial runs in a couple different classes

trial runs in a couple different classes with very understanding professors we

with very understanding professors we

with very understanding professors we realized that the power of writing

realized that the power of writing

realized that the power of writing eulogies could help people aside from

eulogies could help people aside from

eulogies could help people aside from just our group of friends maybe even

just our group of friends maybe even

just our group of friends maybe even strangers maybe even you guys so

strangers maybe even you guys so

strangers maybe even you guys so audience of random humans we challenge

audience of random humans we challenge

audience of random humans we challenge you to ask some questions how do the

you to ask some questions how do the

you to ask some questions how do the people you love or despise want to be

people you love or despise want to be

people you love or despise want to be remembered what stories will you tell

remembered what stories will you tell

remembered what stories will you tell about them what stories can you tell

about them what stories can you tell

about them what stories can you tell about yourself Twitter feeds and

about yourself Twitter feeds and

about yourself Twitter feeds and Facebook updates aside faced with the

Facebook updates aside faced with the

Facebook updates aside faced with the world moving on without

world moving on without

world moving on without you so what do you want to do with your

you so what do you want to do with your

you so what do you want to do with your life how do you want to be remembered a

life how do you want to be remembered a

life how do you want to be remembered a slight twist of our style of eulogy

slight twist of our style of eulogy

slight twist of our style of eulogy writing is that we write with the

writing is that we write with the

writing is that we write with the assumption that the people were writing

assumption that the people were writing

assumption that the people were writing about will go on to live long weird

about will go on to live long weird

about will go on to live long weird adventurous kind of successful lives Ali

adventurous kind of successful lives Ali

adventurous kind of successful lives Ali Hillman left this epic planet the way

Hillman left this epic planet the way

Hillman left this epic planet the way she signed all her emails in thanks and

she signed all her emails in thanks and

she signed all her emails in thanks and peace Ali had a weird brain and she put

peace Ali had a weird brain and she put

peace Ali had a weird brain and she put it to you celebrating the weird brains

it to you celebrating the weird brains

it to you celebrating the weird brains of others she identified with the title

of others she identified with the title

of others she identified with the title being of the ocean and spent many

being of the ocean and spent many

being of the ocean and spent many cumulative hours walking on beaches in

cumulative hours walking on beaches in

cumulative hours walking on beaches in inclement weather with others while she

inclement weather with others while she

inclement weather with others while she frequently doubted the means by which

frequently doubted the means by which

frequently doubted the means by which the system operated she often sat in awe

the system operated she often sat in awe

the system operated she often sat in awe of creation when atop mountains when

of creation when atop mountains when

of creation when atop mountains when watching the resilience of humanity or

watching the resilience of humanity or

watching the resilience of humanity or when admiring the complexity of ladybugs

when admiring the complexity of ladybugs

when admiring the complexity of ladybugs she didn’t always get it but she tried

she didn’t always get it but she tried

she didn’t always get it but she tried really damn hard Ali loved Airport

really damn hard Ali loved Airport

really damn hard Ali loved Airport reunions because she felt they

reunions because she felt they

reunions because she felt they encompassed the best of our ability to

encompassed the best of our ability to

encompassed the best of our ability to embrace one another and to appreciate

embrace one another and to appreciate

embrace one another and to appreciate all that is fleeting she asked that you

all that is fleeting she asked that you

all that is fleeting she asked that you practice this whenever possible

practice this whenever possible

practice this whenever possible especially when it seems most impossible

especially when it seems most impossible

especially when it seems most impossible Ellie Hogg was a bitch and she relished

Ellie Hogg was a bitch and she relished

Ellie Hogg was a bitch and she relished being called such because it placed her

being called such because it placed her

being called such because it placed her in the company of so many women that she

in the company of so many women that she

in the company of so many women that she admired and as she was always quick to

admired and as she was always quick to

admired and as she was always quick to remind everyone bitches get stuff done

remind everyone bitches get stuff done

remind everyone bitches get stuff done and get stuff done she did such stuff

and get stuff done she did such stuff

and get stuff done she did such stuff ranged from writer to teach her to camp

ranged from writer to teach her to camp

ranged from writer to teach her to camp counselor ruthlessly and very

counselor ruthlessly and very

counselor ruthlessly and very irritatingly advocating for the rights

irritatingly advocating for the rights

irritatingly advocating for the rights of women and children at every possible

of women and children at every possible

of women and children at every possible opportunity she believed above all else

opportunity she believed above all else

opportunity she believed above all else in the power of a sense of humor to

in the power of a sense of humor to

in the power of a sense of humor to bring about change and she maintained

bring about change and she maintained

bring about change and she maintained her sense of humor to her dying days

her sense of humor to her dying days

her sense of humor to her dying days frequently to a deeply defensing degree

frequently to a deeply defensing degree

frequently to a deeply defensing degree deeply offensive to create it are you

deeply offensive to create it are you

deeply offensive to create it are you ladies are laced with inside jokes dark

ladies are laced with inside jokes dark

ladies are laced with inside jokes dark humor and inexplicable scenarios because

humor and inexplicable scenarios because

humor and inexplicable scenarios because that’s how life works we embellish a tad

that’s how life works we embellish a tad

that’s how life works we embellish a tad but we don’t change the fabric of

but we don’t change the fabric of

but we don’t change the fabric of stories we honor the snags the terrible

stories we honor the snags the terrible

stories we honor the snags the terrible planning the unfinished parts and the

planning the unfinished parts and the

planning the unfinished parts and the unexpected gems by a show by a show of

unexpected gems by a show by a show of

unexpected gems by a show by a show of hands how many of you have wondered what

hands how many of you have wondered what

hands how many of you have wondered what people would say at your funeral how

people would say at your funeral how

people would say at your funeral how many of you plan not to die

many of you plan not to die

many of you plan not to die oh that’s likely not an option how many

oh that’s likely not an option how many

oh that’s likely not an option how many of you fear the death of a loved one how

of you fear the death of a loved one how

of you fear the death of a loved one how many of you relish the idea of a loved

many of you relish the idea of a loved

many of you relish the idea of a loved one dying poof we’re good nobody raised

one dying poof we’re good nobody raised

one dying poof we’re good nobody raised their hands it is likely that many of us

their hands it is likely that many of us

their hands it is likely that many of us have already experienced this kind of

have already experienced this kind of

have already experienced this kind of loss and it is very likely that at some

loss and it is very likely that at some

loss and it is very likely that at some point we all will would you all lean

point we all will would you all lean

point we all will would you all lean into the opportunity to tell those you

into the opportunity to tell those you

into the opportunity to tell those you love exactly how you feel about them to

love exactly how you feel about them to

love exactly how you feel about them to screw up your courage and hold them in

screw up your courage and hold them in

screw up your courage and hold them in simple recognition we are by no means

simple recognition we are by no means

simple recognition we are by no means attempting to glorified grief or death

attempting to glorified grief or death

attempting to glorified grief or death or loss in doing this we are simply

or loss in doing this we are simply

or loss in doing this we are simply acknowledging the inevitability of human

acknowledging the inevitability of human

acknowledging the inevitability of human loss as I have long said you should

loss as I have long said you should

loss as I have long said you should preemptively plan your funeral and not

preemptively plan your funeral and not

preemptively plan your funeral and not your wedding because you’re actually

your wedding because you’re actually

your wedding because you’re actually more guaranteed to have a funeral this

more guaranteed to have a funeral this

more guaranteed to have a funeral this project means no offense and you’re by

project means no offense and you’re by

project means no offense and you’re by no means required to write eulogies in

no means required to write eulogies in

no means required to write eulogies in order to love or to honor well at the

order to love or to honor well at the

order to love or to honor well at the core of this project is a simple idea

core of this project is a simple idea

core of this project is a simple idea recognition so perhaps far more

recognition so perhaps far more

recognition so perhaps far more important than running home to write a

important than running home to write a

important than running home to write a eulogy for the houseplant you recently

eulogy for the houseplant you recently

eulogy for the houseplant you recently murdered while on a weekend ski trip you

murdered while on a weekend ski trip you

murdered while on a weekend ski trip you should ask those you love those around

should ask those you love those around

should ask those you love those around you how they want to be honored but what

you how they want to be honored but what

you how they want to be honored but what do you want to have been what do you

do you want to have been what do you

do you want to have been what do you hope to have done how spectacularly well

hope to have done how spectacularly well

hope to have done how spectacularly well do you hope to live out your final days

do you hope to live out your final days

do you hope to live out your final days however far off and hypothetical they

however far off and hypothetical they

however far off and hypothetical they may be in doing this we urge you to get

may be in doing this we urge you to get

may be in doing this we urge you to get out of your immediate circle of family

out of your immediate circle of family

out of your immediate circle of family friends pets houseplants and extend

friends pets houseplants and extend

friends pets houseplants and extend recognition to the global community now

recognition to the global community now

recognition to the global community now perhaps more than ever recognition is

perhaps more than ever recognition is

perhaps more than ever recognition is vital our society is moving away from

vital our society is moving away from

vital our society is moving away from the importance of honoring the stories

the importance of honoring the stories

the importance of honoring the stories of others of honoring those who are

of others of honoring those who are

of others of honoring those who are leadership teams different and therefore

leadership teams different and therefore

leadership teams different and therefore dangerous those who are behind walls

dangerous those who are behind walls

dangerous those who are behind walls both real and theoretical those who have

both real and theoretical those who have

both real and theoretical those who have been stuck in airports those beneath the

been stuck in airports those beneath the

been stuck in airports those beneath the glass ceiling of honoring those who our

glass ceiling of honoring those who our

glass ceiling of honoring those who our country will not those were the

country will not those were the

country will not those were the beautiful experience of love and those

beautiful experience of love and those

beautiful experience of love and those who feel lost in all of this may they

who feel lost in all of this may they

who feel lost in all of this may they may we all live in peace thank you

may we all live in peace thank you

may we all live in peace thank you you

”

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