bad secrets destroyed lives they ruin relationships they cost you your health
relationships they cost you your health
relationships they cost you your health and they steal your dreams its 1975 in
and they steal your dreams its 1975 in
and they steal your dreams its 1975 in Wallace burg Ontario population ten
Wallace burg Ontario population ten
Wallace burg Ontario population ten thousand two hundred I’m nine years old
thousand two hundred I’m nine years old
thousand two hundred I’m nine years old just about to turn ten it’s the middle
just about to turn ten it’s the middle
just about to turn ten it’s the middle of the summer and it is sweltering hot
of the summer and it is sweltering hot
of the summer and it is sweltering hot one of those summers where you could see
one of those summers where you could see
one of those summers where you could see the heat rising off the pavement I’m at
the heat rising off the pavement I’m at
the heat rising off the pavement I’m at my neighbor Sarah’s place and she was
my neighbor Sarah’s place and she was
my neighbor Sarah’s place and she was the oldest of a group of girls that I
the oldest of a group of girls that I
the oldest of a group of girls that I hung out with for most of that summer
hung out with for most of that summer
hung out with for most of that summer we’re in Sarah’s bedroom and I’m propped
we’re in Sarah’s bedroom and I’m propped
we’re in Sarah’s bedroom and I’m propped up on top of her dresser Sarah’s sitting
up on top of her dresser Sarah’s sitting
up on top of her dresser Sarah’s sitting on the bed with two of the other girls
on the bed with two of the other girls
on the bed with two of the other girls and her finger is on the play button of
and her finger is on the play button of
and her finger is on the play button of the ghettoblaster and kiss the rock fan
the ghettoblaster and kiss the rock fan
the ghettoblaster and kiss the rock fan of the day is ready to play they’re all
of the day is ready to play they’re all
of the day is ready to play they’re all smiling and laughing and having a great
smiling and laughing and having a great
smiling and laughing and having a great time and I’m pretending because I know
time and I’m pretending because I know
time and I’m pretending because I know that once again something bad is about
that once again something bad is about
that once again something bad is about to happen to me Sarah yells Jill stand
to happen to me Sarah yells Jill stand
to happen to me Sarah yells Jill stand up my face flushes I can feel the sweat
up my face flushes I can feel the sweat
up my face flushes I can feel the sweat beating up on my skin and starting to
beating up on my skin and starting to
beating up on my skin and starting to soak through my tank top and my shorts
soak through my tank top and my shorts
soak through my tank top and my shorts when you hear the music start dancing my
when you hear the music start dancing my
when you hear the music start dancing my whole body is shaking and I feel like
whole body is shaking and I feel like
whole body is shaking and I feel like I’m going to throw up when the song
I’m going to throw up when the song
I’m going to throw up when the song blasts from the speaker now move your
blasts from the speaker now move your
blasts from the speaker now move your hips and circles lick your lips slowly
hips and circles lick your lips slowly
hips and circles lick your lips slowly start taking off your top
unbutton your pants start playing with
unbutton your pants start playing with yourself
yourself
yourself I said go slow if you are naked before
I said go slow if you are naked before
I said go slow if you are naked before the song ends you’re starting all over
finally the song ends and I’m naked my
finally the song ends and I’m naked my clothes my dignity my self-respect lying
clothes my dignity my self-respect lying
clothes my dignity my self-respect lying on the floor in front of me and then you
on the floor in front of me and then you
on the floor in front of me and then you know the rules Jill never tell anyone or
know the rules Jill never tell anyone or
know the rules Jill never tell anyone or else my innocent childhood ended that
else my innocent childhood ended that
else my innocent childhood ended that summer was one of many times those girls
summer was one of many times those girls
summer was one of many times those girls abused me and for years I told no one I
abused me and for years I told no one I
abused me and for years I told no one I believe
believe
believe secrets must be kept but all secrets
secrets must be kept but all secrets
secrets must be kept but all secrets have an impact there are good secrets
have an impact there are good secrets
have an impact there are good secrets like the family recipe for meatballs
like the family recipe for meatballs
like the family recipe for meatballs that’s been passed down from generation
that’s been passed down from generation
that’s been passed down from generation to generation those kind of Secrets they
to generation those kind of Secrets they
to generation those kind of Secrets they create a bond in the family a sense of
create a bond in the family a sense of
create a bond in the family a sense of pride and intrigue good secrets don’t
pride and intrigue good secrets don’t
pride and intrigue good secrets don’t hurt anyone and then there are bad
hurt anyone and then there are bad
hurt anyone and then there are bad secrets bad secrets will destroy you
secrets bad secrets will destroy you
secrets bad secrets will destroy you I became Moody and sullen I didn’t trust
I became Moody and sullen I didn’t trust
I became Moody and sullen I didn’t trust anyone I didn’t still feel safe in the
anyone I didn’t still feel safe in the
anyone I didn’t still feel safe in the world anymore and I built a wall of
world anymore and I built a wall of
world anymore and I built a wall of guilt and shame between myself and
guilt and shame between myself and
guilt and shame between myself and everybody else I was often sick sore
everybody else I was often sick sore
everybody else I was often sick sore throats I would lose my voice I battled
throats I would lose my voice I battled
throats I would lose my voice I battled bouts of pneumonia and severe stomach
bouts of pneumonia and severe stomach
bouts of pneumonia and severe stomach issues my secrets were destroying me and
issues my secrets were destroying me and
issues my secrets were destroying me and I believed I would take them to my grave
I believed I would take them to my grave
I believed I would take them to my grave what I know now that I didn’t know them
what I know now that I didn’t know them
what I know now that I didn’t know them was that once I started keeping secrets
was that once I started keeping secrets
was that once I started keeping secrets I would become secretive instead of
I would become secretive instead of
I would become secretive instead of being open
being open
being open transparence I became shut down and
transparence I became shut down and
transparence I became shut down and closed off I was easy prey for
closed off I was easy prey for
closed off I was easy prey for exploitation after that summer I was
exploitation after that summer I was
exploitation after that summer I was bullied and harassed daily at school
bullied and harassed daily at school
bullied and harassed daily at school it’s easy to take advantage of somebody
it’s easy to take advantage of somebody
it’s easy to take advantage of somebody who’s always afraid and scared it’s what
who’s always afraid and scared it’s what
who’s always afraid and scared it’s what predators are looking for at 16 I was
predators are looking for at 16 I was
predators are looking for at 16 I was raped by then I was programmed to keep
raped by then I was programmed to keep
raped by then I was programmed to keep secrets and I kept that one too in order
secrets and I kept that one too in order
secrets and I kept that one too in order to get away from the pain to not feel so
to get away from the pain to not feel so
to get away from the pain to not feel so much in my life I turn to random sex
much in my life I turn to random sex
much in my life I turn to random sex alcohol drugs sex can be a cry for
alcohol drugs sex can be a cry for
alcohol drugs sex can be a cry for connection alcohol and escape and drugs
connection alcohol and escape and drugs
connection alcohol and escape and drugs a sedative when you feel like you’re
a sedative when you feel like you’re
a sedative when you feel like you’re broken inside high school became
broken inside high school became
broken inside high school became unbearable I dropped out never even
unbearable I dropped out never even
unbearable I dropped out never even graduated more secrets more guilt more
graduated more secrets more guilt more
graduated more secrets more guilt more shame by the time I was 27 years old I’d
shame by the time I was 27 years old I’d
shame by the time I was 27 years old I’d hit rock bottom no friends disconnected
hit rock bottom no friends disconnected
hit rock bottom no friends disconnected from my family on antidepressants and at
from my family on antidepressants and at
from my family on antidepressants and at the same time drinking like every day
the same time drinking like every day
the same time drinking like every day was Saturday night I had two choices
was Saturday night I had two choices
was Saturday night I had two choices continue to self-destruct or make a
continue to self-destruct or make a
continue to self-destruct or make a change I picked myself up off the floor
change I picked myself up off the floor
change I picked myself up off the floor walked into the kitchen open the drawer
walked into the kitchen open the drawer
walked into the kitchen open the drawer and I pulled out the yellow pages side
and I pulled out the yellow pages side
and I pulled out the yellow pages side note for those of you that don’t know
note for those of you that don’t know
note for those of you that don’t know what the yellow pages are it’s what we
what the yellow pages are it’s what we
what the yellow pages are it’s what we used to find people before we had Google
used to find people before we had Google
used to find people before we had Google [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] I opened up the Yellow Pages and section
I opened up the Yellow Pages and section
I opened up the Yellow Pages and section on councilors and I called for help I’ll
on councilors and I called for help I’ll
on councilors and I called for help I’ll never forget the day I walked into dr.
never forget the day I walked into dr.
never forget the day I walked into dr. David’s office he’s 50 ish balding
David’s office he’s 50 ish balding
David’s office he’s 50 ish balding horn-rimmed glasses and wearing a
horn-rimmed glasses and wearing a
horn-rimmed glasses and wearing a sweater vest in the middle of the summer
sweater vest in the middle of the summer
sweater vest in the middle of the summer and our fairy verse session he said Jill
and our fairy verse session he said Jill
and our fairy verse session he said Jill tell me about your life man I’ve never
tell me about your life man I’ve never
tell me about your life man I’ve never told anyone I felt incredibly vulnerable
told anyone I felt incredibly vulnerable
told anyone I felt incredibly vulnerable as naked as I had as a nine year old
as naked as I had as a nine year old
as naked as I had as a nine year old dancing on top of that dresser the first
dancing on top of that dresser the first
dancing on top of that dresser the first session I was a mess I could barely
session I was a mess I could barely
session I was a mess I could barely speak couldn’t make eye contact with him
speak couldn’t make eye contact with him
speak couldn’t make eye contact with him it was the hardest thing I’d ever done
it was the hardest thing I’d ever done
it was the hardest thing I’d ever done second session got a little bit easier
second session got a little bit easier
second session got a little bit easier and by the third I told him all my
and by the third I told him all my
and by the third I told him all my secrets debut set 9 the bullying the
secrets debut set 9 the bullying the
secrets debut set 9 the bullying the rape at 16 and the years of random sex
rape at 16 and the years of random sex
rape at 16 and the years of random sex alcohol drugs it was horrible and
liberating I could feel the tension
liberating I could feel the tension leaving my body for the first time I
leaving my body for the first time I
leaving my body for the first time I could breathe for the first time in my
could breathe for the first time in my
could breathe for the first time in my life I knew none of it was my fault
life I knew none of it was my fault
life I knew none of it was my fault no this it is a lie that secrets should
no this it is a lie that secrets should
no this it is a lie that secrets should be kept it is a lie that you should
be kept it is a lie that you should
be kept it is a lie that you should never tell when I found the courage to
never tell when I found the courage to
never tell when I found the courage to tell dr. David I started really wanting
tell dr. David I started really wanting
tell dr. David I started really wanting to know who I was and what I wanted in
to know who I was and what I wanted in
to know who I was and what I wanted in the world to start living I am more than
the world to start living I am more than
the world to start living I am more than my secrets you are more than your
my secrets you are more than your
my secrets you are more than your secrets and when you release yourself
secrets and when you release yourself
secrets and when you release yourself from them you get your life back and no
from them you get your life back and no
from them you get your life back and no freedom
there are good secrets and bad secrets
there are good secrets and bad secrets so how do you tell the difference
so how do you tell the difference
so how do you tell the difference listen to your see is your central
listen to your see is your central
listen to your see is your central intelligence system we all have one it’s
intelligence system we all have one it’s
intelligence system we all have one it’s how your body talks to you and then when
how your body talks to you and then when
how your body talks to you and then when you hear what it’s saying you decide
you hear what it’s saying you decide
you hear what it’s saying you decide what to do about it do you ever feel
what to do about it do you ever feel
what to do about it do you ever feel like you’ve done something wrong like
like you’ve done something wrong like
like you’ve done something wrong like you’re a bad person even though
you’re a bad person even though
you’re a bad person even though logically that doesn’t make any sense
fear anxiety they can show up as a
fear anxiety they can show up as a tightness in the throat sore throats
tightness in the throat sore throats
tightness in the throat sore throats getting colds difficulty breathing
getting colds difficulty breathing
getting colds difficulty breathing stomach issues like indigestion even
stomach issues like indigestion even
stomach issues like indigestion even irritable bowel syndrome I had many of
irritable bowel syndrome I had many of
irritable bowel syndrome I had many of those symptoms of keeping bad secrets
those symptoms of keeping bad secrets
those symptoms of keeping bad secrets from the time I was 9 years old well
from the time I was 9 years old well
from the time I was 9 years old well into my adult years don’t let that
into my adult years don’t let that
into my adult years don’t let that happen to you or anyone you love listen
happen to you or anyone you love listen
happen to you or anyone you love listen to your central intelligence system and
to your central intelligence system and
to your central intelligence system and then speak the truth it will be horrible
then speak the truth it will be horrible
then speak the truth it will be horrible and liberating keeping God’s secrets has
and liberating keeping God’s secrets has
and liberating keeping God’s secrets has a negative impact on your relationships
a negative impact on your relationships
a negative impact on your relationships and your health you might think that you
and your health you might think that you
and your health you might think that you don’t deserve to be loved either by
don’t deserve to be loved either by
don’t deserve to be loved either by yourself or anyone else I certainly
yourself or anyone else I certainly
yourself or anyone else I certainly didn’t you could shut down give up on
didn’t you could shut down give up on
didn’t you could shut down give up on your dreams that is a huge price to pay
your dreams that is a huge price to pay
your dreams that is a huge price to pay you will lose your ability to develop
you will lose your ability to develop
you will lose your ability to develop deep intimate connected relationships
deep intimate connected relationships
deep intimate connected relationships keeping bad secrets can lead to stress
keeping bad secrets can lead to stress
keeping bad secrets can lead to stress and anxiety severe illnesses and even
and anxiety severe illnesses and even
and anxiety severe illnesses and even heart disease they often lead to self
heart disease they often lead to self
heart disease they often lead to self abuse in the form of addictions
abuse in the form of addictions
abuse in the form of addictions everything from food to alcohol to drugs
everything from food to alcohol to drugs
everything from food to alcohol to drugs and as crazy as it might sound the
and as crazy as it might sound the
and as crazy as it might sound the consequences can be the same as the
consequences can be the same as the
consequences can be the same as the secret you might become an addict as a
secret you might become an addict as a
secret you might become an addict as a result of keeping a secret about being
result of keeping a secret about being
result of keeping a secret about being abused
abused
abused and now you’re keeping a secret about
and now you’re keeping a secret about
and now you’re keeping a secret about being an addict secrets on top of
being an addict secrets on top of
being an addict secrets on top of secrets on top of secret until you are
secrets on top of secret until you are
secrets on top of secret until you are destroyed by them and then their suicide
destroyed by them and then their suicide
destroyed by them and then their suicide second – car crash is the most common
second – car crash is the most common
second – car crash is the most common cause of death among young people in
cause of death among young people in
cause of death among young people in Canada today is suicide due to bullying
Canada today is suicide due to bullying
Canada today is suicide due to bullying secrets are literally killing us and
secrets are literally killing us and
secrets are literally killing us and death isn’t the worst of it
death isn’t the worst of it
death isn’t the worst of it so what could possibly be worse than
so what could possibly be worse than
so what could possibly be worse than death
death
death failing to live
failing to live
failing to live don’t let secrets ruin your life don’t
don’t let secrets ruin your life don’t
don’t let secrets ruin your life don’t live with regret I know how this feels
live with regret I know how this feels
live with regret I know how this feels I’ve spent over 20 years on my own
I’ve spent over 20 years on my own
I’ve spent over 20 years on my own healing journey it’s been so impactful I
healing journey it’s been so impactful I
healing journey it’s been so impactful I know I will spend the rest of my life
know I will spend the rest of my life
know I will spend the rest of my life helping others I became a hypnotherapist
helping others I became a hypnotherapist
helping others I became a hypnotherapist and then dug deep into the healing arts
and then dug deep into the healing arts
and then dug deep into the healing arts of energy work and intuition this is not
of energy work and intuition this is not
of energy work and intuition this is not just my story
just my story
just my story many people have begun their own healing
many people have begun their own healing
many people have begun their own healing journey by letting go of their secrets
journey by letting go of their secrets
journey by letting go of their secrets Stephanie came to me
Stephanie came to me
Stephanie came to me lost depressed wanting deep connected
lost depressed wanting deep connected
lost depressed wanting deep connected relationships and our very first session
relationships and our very first session
relationships and our very first session I said Stephanie tell me about your life
I said Stephanie tell me about your life
I said Stephanie tell me about your life she closed her eyes and said Jill I just
she closed her eyes and said Jill I just
she closed her eyes and said Jill I just feel so ashamed at 17 Stephanie had been
feel so ashamed at 17 Stephanie had been
feel so ashamed at 17 Stephanie had been raped and for 12 years she had been
raped and for 12 years she had been
raped and for 12 years she had been carrying this secret with her and it was
carrying this secret with her and it was
carrying this secret with her and it was destroying her when she found the
destroying her when she found the
destroying her when she found the courage to tell me she said I feel like
courage to tell me she said I feel like
courage to tell me she said I feel like a hundred pound weight has been lifted
a hundred pound weight has been lifted
a hundred pound weight has been lifted from my body her whole face changed it
from my body her whole face changed it
from my body her whole face changed it was like witnessing a miracle over the
was like witnessing a miracle over the
was like witnessing a miracle over the next while she went through the
next while she went through the
next while she went through the processes of understanding release
processes of understanding release
processes of understanding release forgiveness now stephanie has those deep
forgiveness now stephanie has those deep
forgiveness now stephanie has those deep connected relationships she mentors
connected relationships she mentors
connected relationships she mentors other women who’ve been through what
other women who’ve been through what
other women who’ve been through what she’s been through she’s no longer
she’s been through she’s no longer
she’s been through she’s no longer afraid she is
how do you free yourself begin by
how do you free yourself begin by admitting that you keep secrets no
admitting that you keep secrets no
admitting that you keep secrets no matter how big or small and then you
matter how big or small and then you
matter how big or small and then you must tell someone a friend a therapist
must tell someone a friend a therapist
must tell someone a friend a therapist there’s no other way to release yourself
there’s no other way to release yourself
there’s no other way to release yourself from the burden of Secrets other than to
from the burden of Secrets other than to
from the burden of Secrets other than to speak the truth and I know it’s hard but
speak the truth and I know it’s hard but
speak the truth and I know it’s hard but the worst is over you survived you are
the worst is over you survived you are
the worst is over you survived you are right here right now and it will be
right here right now and it will be
right here right now and it will be horrible and come on liberating yeah one
horrible and come on liberating yeah one
horrible and come on liberating yeah one of the coolest things that happened to
of the coolest things that happened to
of the coolest things that happened to me when I let go of my secrets as I
me when I let go of my secrets as I
me when I let go of my secrets as I started aging backwards at 40 I look 50
started aging backwards at 40 I look 50
started aging backwards at 40 I look 50 now at 50 I look 40
now at 50 I look 40
now at 50 I look 40 yeah
yeah
yeah [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] it’s amazing what happens to you when
it’s amazing what happens to you when
it’s amazing what happens to you when you feel free and you start eating
you feel free and you start eating
you feel free and you start eating properly and sleeping
properly and sleeping
properly and sleeping who needs Botox just it your secrets
look you are more than your secrets and
look you are more than your secrets and the worst is over you’ve survived
the worst is over you’ve survived
the worst is over you’ve survived together we can create a world in which
together we can create a world in which
together we can create a world in which our kids are not afraid to tell a world
our kids are not afraid to tell a world
our kids are not afraid to tell a world where we are not destroyed by our
where we are not destroyed by our
where we are not destroyed by our secrets a world where we help each other
secrets a world where we help each other
secrets a world where we help each other heal creating that world begins with you
heal creating that world begins with you
heal creating that world begins with you find your voice speak your truth release
find your voice speak your truth release
find your voice speak your truth release yourself from your secrets and set
yourself from your secrets and set
yourself from your secrets and set yourself free
”
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