March seventh Wow I’ve been nervous about this date for
I’ve been nervous about this date for
I’ve been nervous about this date for some time and I’m nervous about it right
some time and I’m nervous about it right
some time and I’m nervous about it right now so please bear with me
now so please bear with me
now so please bear with me we all have dates that are significant
we all have dates that are significant
we all have dates that are significant in our life dates that we’d never forget
in our life dates that we’d never forget
in our life dates that we’d never forget we forget phone numbers we forget
we forget phone numbers we forget
we forget phone numbers we forget passwords but we don’t forget certain
passwords but we don’t forget certain
passwords but we don’t forget certain dates so for example if I asked you what
dates so for example if I asked you what
dates so for example if I asked you what your birthdays were there you go if I
your birthdays were there you go if I
your birthdays were there you go if I ask what your anniversary was a lot of
ask what your anniversary was a lot of
ask what your anniversary was a lot of single people except one person right
single people except one person right
single people except one person right over here birth of your children I have
over here birth of your children I have
over here birth of your children I have a feeling I won’t get a lot of that here
a feeling I won’t get a lot of that here
a feeling I won’t get a lot of that here your pin number for your bank all right
your pin number for your bank all right
your pin number for your bank all right I tried and I have significant dates as
I tried and I have significant dates as
I tried and I have significant dates as well my birthday April 13th I will
well my birthday April 13th I will
well my birthday April 13th I will expect cards and gifts from all of you
expect cards and gifts from all of you
expect cards and gifts from all of you my children were born August 8th max and
my children were born August 8th max and
my children were born August 8th max and my son Andy on July 15th my parents
my son Andy on July 15th my parents
my son Andy on July 15th my parents anniversary January 20th my sister and
anniversary January 20th my sister and
anniversary January 20th my sister and mother’s birthdays May 12th May 19th I
mother’s birthdays May 12th May 19th I
mother’s birthdays May 12th May 19th I never know which is which don’t tell my
never know which is which don’t tell my
never know which is which don’t tell my mother
mother
mother she’s here but there’s another date in
she’s here but there’s another date in
she’s here but there’s another date in my life that I’ll never forget
my life that I’ll never forget
my life that I’ll never forget that’s indelibly etched in my mind and
that’s indelibly etched in my mind and
that’s indelibly etched in my mind and that’s July 27th 1993 on that date my
that’s July 27th 1993 on that date my
that’s July 27th 1993 on that date my life changed changed forever but before
life changed changed forever but before
life changed changed forever but before we get there let me take you back until
we get there let me take you back until
we get there let me take you back until July 27th I was living in the American
July 27th I was living in the American
July 27th I was living in the American dream let’s go back to junior high
dream let’s go back to junior high
dream let’s go back to junior high school benjamin Schlessinger junior high
school benjamin Schlessinger junior high
school benjamin Schlessinger junior high school presents the king and i I was
school presents the king and i I was
school presents the king and i I was neither the King nor I but I was the
neither the King nor I but I was the
neither the King nor I but I was the kralahome I’m sure a lot of you remember
kralahome I’m sure a lot of you remember
kralahome I’m sure a lot of you remember that performance let me recreate the
that performance let me recreate the
that performance let me recreate the best part you you have destroyed him you
best part you you have destroyed him you
best part you you have destroyed him you have destroyed King that was it
have destroyed King that was it
have destroyed King that was it but based on that performance when I was
but based on that performance when I was
but based on that performance when I was in seventh grade benjamin Schlessinger
in seventh grade benjamin Schlessinger
in seventh grade benjamin Schlessinger junior high school presented Oliver I do
junior high school presented Oliver I do
junior high school presented Oliver I do anything for you dear anything
anything for you dear anything
anything for you dear anything I played Oliver and based on that
I played Oliver and based on that
I played Oliver and based on that performance eighth grade Benjamin
performance eighth grade Benjamin
performance eighth grade Benjamin Schlesinger junior high school presented
Schlesinger junior high school presented
Schlesinger junior high school presented the king excuse me we did that one
the king excuse me we did that one
the king excuse me we did that one already Fiddler on the Roof if I were a
already Fiddler on the Roof if I were a
already Fiddler on the Roof if I were a rich man the idol diddle Dido digga
rich man the idol diddle Dido digga
rich man the idol diddle Dido digga digga I didn’t sing that song that’s
digga I didn’t sing that song that’s
digga I didn’t sing that song that’s heavier I played lazer wolf but that’s
heavier I played lazer wolf but that’s
heavier I played lazer wolf but that’s the only song I remember from the show
the only song I remember from the show
the only song I remember from the show from junior high school I went on to
from junior high school I went on to
from junior high school I went on to high school I bulked up to 225 pounds I
high school I bulked up to 225 pounds I
high school I bulked up to 225 pounds I was captain of the Bayside High School
was captain of the Bayside High School
was captain of the Bayside High School football team go Commodores orange and
football team go Commodores orange and
football team go Commodores orange and blue are we fighting for glory and it
blue are we fighting for glory and it
blue are we fighting for glory and it was a great time and then I went on to
was a great time and then I went on to
was a great time and then I went on to college in college I started as a Poli
college in college I started as a Poli
college in college I started as a Poli Sci major soon I realized that I would
Sci major soon I realized that I would
Sci major soon I realized that I would not make my fame and fortune opening up
not make my fame and fortune opening up
not make my fame and fortune opening up a poli-sci shop on Fifth Avenue so I
a poli-sci shop on Fifth Avenue so I
a poli-sci shop on Fifth Avenue so I switched to something that I knew and I
switched to something that I knew and I
switched to something that I knew and I would ensure financial security I became
would ensure financial security I became
would ensure financial security I became a theater major that’s right
a theater major that’s right
a theater major that’s right I had an extraordinary time as a theater
I had an extraordinary time as a theater
I had an extraordinary time as a theater major in college the highlight of my
major in college the highlight of my
major in college the highlight of my theater career in college was when I
theater career in college was when I
theater career in college was when I played the lead in Equus I was nude on
played the lead in Equus I was nude on
played the lead in Equus I was nude on stage for the last 20 minutes of the
stage for the last 20 minutes of the
stage for the last 20 minutes of the show
show
show I’m not recreating that but my
I’m not recreating that but my
I’m not recreating that but my grandmother came to the show the last
grandmother came to the show the last
grandmother came to the show the last time she had seen me naked was at my
time she had seen me naked was at my
time she had seen me naked was at my bris and afterward she said to me Howie
bris and afterward she said to me Howie
bris and afterward she said to me Howie no difference
after college I hit the streets of New
after college I hit the streets of New York literally I was a street mime in
York literally I was a street mime in
York literally I was a street mime in the theater district yes I was that
the theater district yes I was that
the theater district yes I was that annoying guy in front of the theater is
annoying guy in front of the theater is
annoying guy in front of the theater is pretending to be a box in a box I was an
pretending to be a box in a box I was an
pretending to be a box in a box I was an extra in a few films and then my big
extra in a few films and then my big
extra in a few films and then my big break came I was an extra on Saturday
break came I was an extra on Saturday
break came I was an extra on Saturday Night Live for three years yes I know
Night Live for three years yes I know
Night Live for three years yes I know I’m sure you’re all recognizing me now
I’m sure you’re all recognizing me now
I’m sure you’re all recognizing me now from those restaurant scenes I
auditioned for and got accepted into
auditioned for and got accepted into Ringling Brothers and then I had a
Ringling Brothers and then I had a
Ringling Brothers and then I had a choice to make
choice to make
choice to make was I going to spend the rest of my life
was I going to spend the rest of my life
was I going to spend the rest of my life with my thighs smelling like elephant
with my thighs smelling like elephant
with my thighs smelling like elephant and living on a train or would I do
and living on a train or would I do
and living on a train or would I do something else and I went on to law
something else and I went on to law
something else and I went on to law school law school well for me I
school law school well for me I
school law school well for me I graduated first in my class I got a job
graduated first in my class I got a job
graduated first in my class I got a job at a big New York City law firm and I
at a big New York City law firm and I
at a big New York City law firm and I ran four marathons in the mix all was
ran four marathons in the mix all was
ran four marathons in the mix all was going well in my life
going well in my life
going well in my life until July 27th 1993 which is the date I
until July 27th 1993 which is the date I
until July 27th 1993 which is the date I started with but before we get to July
started with but before we get to July
started with but before we get to July 27th let’s make a pit stop on July 18th
27th let’s make a pit stop on July 18th
27th let’s make a pit stop on July 18th 1993 it was on that date that I had in
1993 it was on that date that I had in
1993 it was on that date that I had in my calendar to call my doctor to get the
my calendar to call my doctor to get the
my calendar to call my doctor to get the results of a routine checkup I had gone
results of a routine checkup I had gone
results of a routine checkup I had gone for I called him up and he said to me
for I called him up and he said to me
for I called him up and he said to me this test was great that test was great
this test was great that test was great
this test was great that test was great nothing to worry about by the way you
nothing to worry about by the way you
nothing to worry about by the way you had an abnormal EKG don’t be concerned
had an abnormal EKG don’t be concerned
had an abnormal EKG don’t be concerned we often get false positives it’s not as
we often get false positives it’s not as
we often get false positives it’s not as if you’ve been having chest pains well
if you’ve been having chest pains well
if you’ve been having chest pains well over the prior two weeks I had been
over the prior two weeks I had been
over the prior two weeks I had been harboring a secret every time I ran I
harboring a secret every time I ran I
harboring a secret every time I ran I had been having gripping chest pains
had been having gripping chest pains
had been having gripping chest pains each day getting worse and worse
each day getting worse and worse
each day getting worse and worse but being 35 years old having just run a
but being 35 years old having just run a
but being 35 years old having just run a marathon a couple of months before the
marathon a couple of months before the
marathon a couple of months before the last thing I thought was that it was a
last thing I thought was that it was a
last thing I thought was that it was a problem it was indigestion it was gas it
problem it was indigestion it was gas it
problem it was indigestion it was gas it was anything other than well within an
was anything other than well within an
was anything other than well within an hour I was at the doctor’s office on a
hour I was at the doctor’s office on a
hour I was at the doctor’s office on a stress test I was on the treadmill
stress test I was on the treadmill
stress test I was on the treadmill thirty seconds on that treadmill he
thirty seconds on that treadmill he
thirty seconds on that treadmill he pulled me off and he said to me we have
pulled me off and he said to me we have
pulled me off and he said to me we have to talk I sat down in his office he said
to talk I sat down in his office he said
to talk I sat down in his office he said to me you have heart disease you have
to me you have heart disease you have
to me you have heart disease you have heart disease
heart disease
heart disease those are sobering words to hear with 35
those are sobering words to hear with 35
those are sobering words to hear with 35 years old a few days later my body fully
years old a few days later my body fully
years old a few days later my body fully shaved
shaved
shaved the first Brazilian of my life I had a
the first Brazilian of my life I had a
the first Brazilian of my life I had a quadruple bypass
quadruple bypass
quadruple bypass it was painful my chest was cracked open
it was painful my chest was cracked open
it was painful my chest was cracked open from top to bottom they rip open your
from top to bottom they rip open your
from top to bottom they rip open your legs to take the veins out from which
legs to take the veins out from which
legs to take the veins out from which they make the arteries for your heart I
they make the arteries for your heart I
they make the arteries for your heart I spent about seven weeks at home
spent about seven weeks at home
spent about seven weeks at home recovering it was me my little buddy max
recovering it was me my little buddy max
recovering it was me my little buddy max my son it was the summer of the Lyle and
my son it was the summer of the Lyle and
my son it was the summer of the Lyle and Erik Menendez trial and my bottle of
Erik Menendez trial and my bottle of
Erik Menendez trial and my bottle of percocet oh it was quite a summer I
percocet oh it was quite a summer I
percocet oh it was quite a summer I finally got back on my feet and I got
finally got back on my feet and I got
finally got back on my feet and I got back to work and all was good in my life
back to work and all was good in my life
back to work and all was good in my life again until August 9th 2003 I had given
again until August 9th 2003 I had given
again until August 9th 2003 I had given up marathon running you see I decided
up marathon running you see I decided
up marathon running you see I decided that that was God’s Way of telling me I
that that was God’s Way of telling me I
that that was God’s Way of telling me I was never going to win that damn race
was never going to win that damn race
was never going to win that damn race and I’d become a spinner I was an advert
and I’d become a spinner I was an advert
and I’d become a spinner I was an advert spinner I would take two classes a day I
spinner I would take two classes a day I
spinner I would take two classes a day I would sit on that bike and sprint for 90
would sit on that bike and sprint for 90
would sit on that bike and sprint for 90 minutes it was like dancing on a bike
minutes it was like dancing on a bike
minutes it was like dancing on a bike well on August 9th 2003 while dancing on
well on August 9th 2003 while dancing on
well on August 9th 2003 while dancing on a spinning bike in East Hampton I had a
a spinning bike in East Hampton I had a
a spinning bike in East Hampton I had a massive heart attack I lay on the floor
massive heart attack I lay on the floor
massive heart attack I lay on the floor of that spinning studio trying to Gasper
of that spinning studio trying to Gasper
of that spinning studio trying to Gasper air tears running down my face waiting
air tears running down my face waiting
air tears running down my face waiting for the ambulance
for the ambulance
for the ambulance and all I can think was will I ever see
and all I can think was will I ever see
and all I can think was will I ever see my two boys again they put me on a
my two boys again they put me on a
my two boys again they put me on a helicopter on 22 units of morphine and I
helicopter on 22 units of morphine and I
helicopter on 22 units of morphine and I don’t know if it was the morphine of my
don’t know if it was the morphine of my
don’t know if it was the morphine of my fear talking but I asked the pilot if he
fear talking but I asked the pilot if he
fear talking but I asked the pilot if he would hum the theme song from mash and
would hum the theme song from mash and
would hum the theme song from mash and we arrived back at Stonybrook University
we arrived back at Stonybrook University
we arrived back at Stonybrook University and the irony is Stony Brook is the
and the irony is Stony Brook is the
and the irony is Stony Brook is the College I had graduated from two decades
College I had graduated from two decades
College I had graduated from two decades earlier and I hadn’t been back since
earlier and I hadn’t been back since
earlier and I hadn’t been back since then and I was arriving back in Stony
then and I was arriving back in Stony
then and I was arriving back in Stony Brook as high as I was when I left
but I recovered I went back to work all
but I recovered I went back to work all was good I was back to doing what I
was good I was back to doing what I
was good I was back to doing what I loved keeping the streets of Corporate
loved keeping the streets of Corporate
loved keeping the streets of Corporate America safe for the children one of the
America safe for the children one of the
America safe for the children one of the most compelling professional experiences
most compelling professional experiences
most compelling professional experiences of my life happen that happened after
of my life happen that happened after
of my life happen that happened after that I had the privilege along with 30
that I had the privilege along with 30
that I had the privilege along with 30 of my colleagues to represent the
of my colleagues to represent the
of my colleagues to represent the victims of Hurricane Katrina
victims of Hurricane Katrina
victims of Hurricane Katrina in a federal class action against the
in a federal class action against the
in a federal class action against the United States government it was my
United States government it was my
United States government it was my privilege to lead that group you may
privilege to lead that group you may
privilege to lead that group you may remember that the government had
remember that the government had
remember that the government had evacuated hundreds of thousands of
evacuated hundreds of thousands of
evacuated hundreds of thousands of people from the Gulf Coast and put them
people from the Gulf Coast and put them
people from the Gulf Coast and put them up in hotels all throughout the country
up in hotels all throughout the country
up in hotels all throughout the country and then just around Christmas the
and then just around Christmas the
and then just around Christmas the government unilaterally decided to toss
government unilaterally decided to toss
government unilaterally decided to toss them out of those hotels
them out of those hotels
them out of those hotels Merry Christmas victims and we fought
Merry Christmas victims and we fought
Merry Christmas victims and we fought for them and I stood in a little
for them and I stood in a little
for them and I stood in a little courtroom in Houma Louisiana packed with
courtroom in Houma Louisiana packed with
courtroom in Houma Louisiana packed with victims and the media and I gave an
victims and the media and I gave an
victims and the media and I gave an hour-long opening argument like I’ve
hour-long opening argument like I’ve
hour-long opening argument like I’ve never before given it’s easy when you’re
never before given it’s easy when you’re
never before given it’s easy when you’re on the side of the angels and every
on the side of the angels and every
on the side of the angels and every sentence that I uttered was met with
sentence that I uttered was met with
sentence that I uttered was met with Amen hallelujah you go boy it wasn’t
Amen hallelujah you go boy it wasn’t
Amen hallelujah you go boy it wasn’t until I was back in my hotel room late
until I was back in my hotel room late
until I was back in my hotel room late that night standing naked in front of
that night standing naked in front of
that night standing naked in front of the mirror I had to come to grips with
the mirror I had to come to grips with
the mirror I had to come to grips with the fact I was still a short Jew
the fact I was still a short Jew
the fact I was still a short Jew formerly from Queens but my life
formerly from Queens but my life
formerly from Queens but my life continued on life was good that is until
continued on life was good that is until
continued on life was good that is until I had to have two stents put in but that
I had to have two stents put in but that
I had to have two stents put in but that was routine that was okay it also meant
was routine that was okay it also meant
was routine that was okay it also meant this second Brazilian of my life
this second Brazilian of my life
this second Brazilian of my life girls itchy no and then in 2009 and
girls itchy no and then in 2009 and
girls itchy no and then in 2009 and again in 2010 I was struck with a rare
again in 2010 I was struck with a rare
again in 2010 I was struck with a rare condition called anterior ischemic optic
condition called anterior ischemic optic
condition called anterior ischemic optic neuropathy trust me I had never heard of
neuropathy trust me I had never heard of
neuropathy trust me I had never heard of it either
it either
it either it’s a swelling of the optic cup through
it’s a swelling of the optic cup through
it’s a swelling of the optic cup through which your optic fibers flow and as a
which your optic fibers flow and as a
which your optic fibers flow and as a result when the optic fibers get killed
result when the optic fibers get killed
result when the optic fibers get killed off you lose some if not all of your
off you lose some if not all of your
off you lose some if not all of your vision and as a consequence I have some
vision and as a consequence I have some
vision and as a consequence I have some but in parody in my left eye I have no
but in parody in my left eye I have no
but in parody in my left eye I have no vision in my right eye and light
vision in my right eye and light
vision in my right eye and light light light causes me extreme pain you
light light causes me extreme pain you
light light causes me extreme pain you deal right you make choices in life it
deal right you make choices in life it
deal right you make choices in life it would be so easy to feel sorry for
would be so easy to feel sorry for
would be so easy to feel sorry for myself when things like this happen but
myself when things like this happen but
myself when things like this happen but I chose not to
I chose not to
I chose not to besides being visually impaired has its
besides being visually impaired has its
besides being visually impaired has its advantages let me tell you first
advantages let me tell you first
advantages let me tell you first you people have never looked better
secondly I took up skydiving and being
secondly I took up skydiving and being visually impaired has his advantages
visually impaired has his advantages
visually impaired has his advantages when you’re skydiving let me show you if
when you’re skydiving let me show you if
when you’re skydiving let me show you if this works this is me skydiving from
this works this is me skydiving from
this works this is me skydiving from 13,000 feet happy as can be
13,000 feet happy as can be
13,000 feet happy as can be stupidest I can’t see max my son on
stupidest I can’t see max my son on
stupidest I can’t see max my son on the other hand can see it’s easy to feel
the other hand can see it’s easy to feel
the other hand can see it’s easy to feel sorry for self in situations like this
sorry for self in situations like this
sorry for self in situations like this my doctor told me something after my
my doctor told me something after my
my doctor told me something after my bypass that I’ll never forget he
bypass that I’ll never forget he
bypass that I’ll never forget he actually told me two things first he
actually told me two things first he
actually told me two things first he said you can’t have sex until you get up
said you can’t have sex until you get up
said you can’t have sex until you get up a flight of stairs unfortunately that
a flight of stairs unfortunately that
a flight of stairs unfortunately that did not include an escalator secondly he
did not include an escalator secondly he
did not include an escalator secondly he said to me you didn’t die you have to
said to me you didn’t die you have to
said to me you didn’t die you have to live you didn’t die you have to live
live you didn’t die you have to live
live you didn’t die you have to live it’s so easy to throw yourself a pity
it’s so easy to throw yourself a pity
it’s so easy to throw yourself a pity party feel sorry for yourself but let me
party feel sorry for yourself but let me
party feel sorry for yourself but let me tell you something about throwing
tell you something about throwing
tell you something about throwing yourself a pity party
yourself a pity party
yourself a pity party if you throw one for yourself all your
if you throw one for yourself all your
if you throw one for yourself all your friends will show up and they’ll stay
friends will show up and they’ll stay
friends will show up and they’ll stay for a while because that’s what friends
for a while because that’s what friends
for a while because that’s what friends do and then they’ll leave and you’re
do and then they’ll leave and you’re
do and then they’ll leave and you’re left feeling sorry for yourself and if
left feeling sorry for yourself and if
left feeling sorry for yourself and if you go through life with your head up
you go through life with your head up
you go through life with your head up your ass what you come out of it with is
your ass what you come out of it with is
your ass what you come out of it with is smelly hair so you get off your ass you
smelly hair so you get off your ass you
smelly hair so you get off your ass you fight through it this is your life
fight through it this is your life
fight through it this is your life you’re going to live it with all the
you’re going to live it with all the
you’re going to live it with all the gusto you can I’m not going to let any
gusto you can I’m not going to let any
gusto you can I’m not going to let any of these unfortunate setbacks set me
of these unfortunate setbacks set me
of these unfortunate setbacks set me back nor should you you didn’t die you
back nor should you you didn’t die you
back nor should you you didn’t die you have to live
have to live
have to live a few years ago I took my son max on a
a few years ago I took my son max on a
a few years ago I took my son max on a buddy trip to India it was a hundred and
buddy trip to India it was a hundred and
buddy trip to India it was a hundred and twenty degrees every day there and one
twenty degrees every day there and one
twenty degrees every day there and one day I happened to take this picture it’s
day I happened to take this picture it’s
day I happened to take this picture it’s a picture of a man a very poor man
a picture of a man a very poor man
a picture of a man a very poor man buying a handful of water
buying a handful of water
buying a handful of water he used the change he was able to beg
he used the change he was able to beg
he used the change he was able to beg for and find on the street to buy a
for and find on the street to buy a
for and find on the street to buy a handful of water to escape the searing
handful of water to escape the searing
handful of water to escape the searing heat this picture six on my desk and I
heat this picture six on my desk and I
heat this picture six on my desk and I look at it every day to remind me how
look at it every day to remind me how
look at it every day to remind me how lucky I am
lucky I am
lucky I am not because I’m luckier than this man
not because I’m luckier than this man
not because I’m luckier than this man here but because of the tens of millions
here but because of the tens of millions
here but because of the tens of millions of people in the world if not more who
of people in the world if not more who
of people in the world if not more who wish they were this man who wish they
wish they were this man who wish they
wish they were this man who wish they could buy that handful of water
could buy that handful of water
could buy that handful of water perspective you didn’t die you have to
perspective you didn’t die you have to
perspective you didn’t die you have to live we didn’t die we have to live I
live we didn’t die we have to live I
live we didn’t die we have to live I don’t know what that life has in store
don’t know what that life has in store
don’t know what that life has in store for me I don’t know what setbacks might
for me I don’t know what setbacks might
for me I don’t know what setbacks might be next but I can tell you this whatever
be next but I can tell you this whatever
be next but I can tell you this whatever it is I will continue to live life with
it is I will continue to live life with
it is I will continue to live life with all the gusto I can because I didn’t die
all the gusto I can because I didn’t die
all the gusto I can because I didn’t die I have to live and one song I did sing
I have to live and one song I did sing
I have to live and one song I did sing in Fiddler is appropriate here to life
in Fiddler is appropriate here to life
in Fiddler is appropriate here to life to life
to life
to life lehayim thank you
lehayim thank you
lehayim thank you [Applause]
”
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