thank you my first year of law school I took a class in negotiation
took a class in negotiation
took a class in negotiation I loved this class and this class was
I loved this class and this class was
I loved this class and this class was going to change my life but one day we
going to change my life but one day we
going to change my life but one day we had an entire session devoted to
had an entire session devoted to
had an entire session devoted to studying the differences between how men
studying the differences between how men
studying the differences between how men and women negotiate are you kidding me I
and women negotiate are you kidding me I
and women negotiate are you kidding me I remember thinking I hated this there is
remember thinking I hated this there is
remember thinking I hated this there is some stereotype that women are supposed
some stereotype that women are supposed
some stereotype that women are supposed to be nicer than men yeah so why did I
to be nicer than men yeah so why did I
to be nicer than men yeah so why did I hate this so much
hate this so much
hate this so much well I had never learned that girls were
well I had never learned that girls were
well I had never learned that girls were supposed to be nicer than boys as the
supposed to be nicer than boys as the
supposed to be nicer than boys as the oldest of four I had of course learned
oldest of four I had of course learned
oldest of four I had of course learned to take turns and share but I had also
to take turns and share but I had also
to take turns and share but I had also learned that it was okay to use my age
learned that it was okay to use my age
learned that it was okay to use my age and my size to get what I want and
and my size to get what I want and
and my size to get what I want and family stories backed me up here’s the
family stories backed me up here’s the
family stories backed me up here’s the example I remember being told my
example I remember being told my
example I remember being told my grandparents when they got married his
grandparents when they got married his
grandparents when they got married his newlyweds went and bought a brand-new
newlyweds went and bought a brand-new
newlyweds went and bought a brand-new set of furniture but when they went to
set of furniture but when they went to
set of furniture but when they went to the store to pick up their new set of
the store to pick up their new set of
the store to pick up their new set of furniture the store had declared
furniture the store had declared
furniture the store had declared bankruptcy it was the depression after
bankruptcy it was the depression after
bankruptcy it was the depression after all and when my grandmother went to see
all and when my grandmother went to see
all and when my grandmother went to see the store manager he told her that all
the store manager he told her that all
the store manager he told her that all of the assets including their set of
of the assets including their set of
of the assets including their set of furniture that she could still see on
furniture that she could still see on
furniture that she could still see on the showroom floor were being seized to
the showroom floor were being seized to
the showroom floor were being seized to pay creditors my great-grandmother would
pay creditors my great-grandmother would
pay creditors my great-grandmother would have none of this she marched herself
have none of this she marched herself
have none of this she marched herself down to the store and I am told sat on
down to the store and I am told sat on
down to the store and I am told sat on the furniture
the furniture
the furniture shooing the store manager creditors and
shooing the store manager creditors and
shooing the store manager creditors and anyone else away until that furniture
anyone else away until that furniture
anyone else away until that furniture was loaded into a truck and delivered to
was loaded into a truck and delivered to
was loaded into a truck and delivered to her daughter so what did I learn from
her daughter so what did I learn from
her daughter so what did I learn from this don’t take no for an answer if
this don’t take no for an answer if
this don’t take no for an answer if you’re right it’s okay to be a hard line
you’re right it’s okay to be a hard line
you’re right it’s okay to be a hard line negotiator in short by the time I got to
negotiator in short by the time I got to
negotiator in short by the time I got to law school I thought I had clearly
law school I thought I had clearly
law school I thought I had clearly learned that women could and should
learned that women could and should
learned that women could and should negotiate anything I hadn’t seen a
negotiate anything I hadn’t seen a
negotiate anything I hadn’t seen a stereotype and I didn’t believe it after
stereotype and I didn’t believe it after
stereotype and I didn’t believe it after graduating law school I was soon hired
graduating law school I was soon hired
graduating law school I was soon hired to teach negotiation and I was so
to teach negotiation and I was so
to teach negotiation and I was so excited to get this job that I accepted
excited to get this job that I accepted
excited to get this job that I accepted the offer immediately
the offer immediately
the offer immediately let me back up I was hired to teach
let me back up I was hired to teach
let me back up I was hired to teach negotiation and I did not negotiate my
negotiation and I did not negotiate my
negotiation and I did not negotiate my offer and there it was what had happened
offer and there it was what had happened
offer and there it was what had happened and was this a gender thing after all
and was this a gender thing after all
and was this a gender thing after all I started looking at gender and
I started looking at gender and
I started looking at gender and negotiation immediately and have studied
negotiation immediately and have studied
negotiation immediately and have studied it for the last 20 years of my career
it for the last 20 years of my career
it for the last 20 years of my career today we’re going to talk about three
today we’re going to talk about three
today we’re going to talk about three myths of negotiation the myth that women
myths of negotiation the myth that women
myths of negotiation the myth that women don’t negotiate that women shouldn’t
don’t negotiate that women shouldn’t
don’t negotiate that women shouldn’t negotiate and that women can’t negotiate
negotiate and that women can’t negotiate
negotiate and that women can’t negotiate so why do we have these myths if you
so why do we have these myths if you
so why do we have these myths if you want to explain why women are still
want to explain why women are still
want to explain why women are still being paid less than men or are not
being paid less than men or are not
being paid less than men or are not represented in leadership roles in
represented in leadership roles in
represented in leadership roles in Fortune 500 companies or in law firms
Fortune 500 companies or in law firms
Fortune 500 companies or in law firms these myths conveniently blame the women
these myths conveniently blame the women
these myths conveniently blame the women and therefore no laws need to be changed
and therefore no laws need to be changed
and therefore no laws need to be changed no company needs to think about fairness
no company needs to think about fairness
no company needs to think about fairness these myths maintain the status quo if
these myths maintain the status quo if
these myths maintain the status quo if you think however that the situation is
you think however that the situation is
you think however that the situation is perhaps more nuanced you’re correct
perhaps more nuanced you’re correct
perhaps more nuanced you’re correct the first myth is that women don’t
the first myth is that women don’t
the first myth is that women don’t negotiate and my situation seems to be
negotiate and my situation seems to be
negotiate and my situation seems to be the classic not negotiating over salary
the classic not negotiating over salary
the classic not negotiating over salary where do these myths come from studies
where do these myths come from studies
where do these myths come from studies of undergraduate students playing games
of undergraduate students playing games
of undergraduate students playing games in social science labs and surveys of
in social science labs and surveys of
in social science labs and surveys of recent grads point to the conclusion
recent grads point to the conclusion
recent grads point to the conclusion that women are less likely than men to
that women are less likely than men to
that women are less likely than men to negotiate over money in competitive
negotiate over money in competitive
negotiate over money in competitive situations with limited information and
situations with limited information and
situations with limited information and already we should see problems with this
already we should see problems with this
already we should see problems with this paradigm lab studies instead of the
paradigm lab studies instead of the
paradigm lab studies instead of the reality undergrads instead of mature
reality undergrads instead of mature
reality undergrads instead of mature adults and limited information were in
adults and limited information were in
adults and limited information were in fact more information may be found so
fact more information may be found so
fact more information may be found so let’s fill in the picture there are lots
let’s fill in the picture there are lots
let’s fill in the picture there are lots of other elements of a job to negotiate
of other elements of a job to negotiate
of other elements of a job to negotiate other than salary and women not
other than salary and women not
other than salary and women not surprisingly are much more likely than
surprisingly are much more likely than
surprisingly are much more likely than men to negotiate over family issues for
men to negotiate over family issues for
men to negotiate over family issues for me pregnant with my first child I
me pregnant with my first child I
me pregnant with my first child I negotiated my start date a reduced
negotiated my start date a reduced
negotiated my start date a reduced course load my teaching package my
course load my teaching package my
course load my teaching package my travel budget and maternity leave my
travel budget and maternity leave my
travel budget and maternity leave my guess is my Dean did not perceive me as
guess is my Dean did not perceive me as
guess is my Dean did not perceive me as not negotiating you
not negotiating you
not negotiating you I immediately accepted the salary offer
I immediately accepted the salary offer
I immediately accepted the salary offer second we know that training matters the
second we know that training matters the
second we know that training matters the undergraduate students in the study
undergraduate students in the study
undergraduate students in the study above who did not negotiate started to
above who did not negotiate started to
above who did not negotiate started to negotiate in equal rates once they were
negotiate in equal rates once they were
negotiate in equal rates once they were trained and in my studies of law
trained and in my studies of law
trained and in my studies of law students who self-select into a field of
students who self-select into a field of
students who self-select into a field of advocacy and then have three years of
advocacy and then have three years of
advocacy and then have three years of teaching about this there is absolutely
teaching about this there is absolutely
teaching about this there is absolutely no difference between the genders in
no difference between the genders in
no difference between the genders in their propensity to negotiate or in the
their propensity to negotiate or in the
their propensity to negotiate or in the amount of money received when they do
amount of money received when they do
amount of money received when they do finally to whatever extent we think that
finally to whatever extent we think that
finally to whatever extent we think that there might be differences that lead
there might be differences that lead
there might be differences that lead into these stereotypes these differences
into these stereotypes these differences
into these stereotypes these differences are evaporating a study of the workplace
are evaporating a study of the workplace
are evaporating a study of the workplace in Australia conducted in 2013 to 2014
in Australia conducted in 2013 to 2014
in Australia conducted in 2013 to 2014 showed absolutely no difference between
showed absolutely no difference between
showed absolutely no difference between men and women in the likelihood to ask
men and women in the likelihood to ask
men and women in the likelihood to ask for a raise furthermore when women did
for a raise furthermore when women did
for a raise furthermore when women did not ask for a raise it wasn’t based on
not ask for a raise it wasn’t based on
not ask for a raise it wasn’t based on some old idea that not asking would harm
some old idea that not asking would harm
some old idea that not asking would harm the relationship which brings us to our
the relationship which brings us to our
the relationship which brings us to our second myth that women shouldn’t
second myth that women shouldn’t
second myth that women shouldn’t negotiate sometimes when we think about
negotiate sometimes when we think about
negotiate sometimes when we think about why women might not negotiate we hear
why women might not negotiate we hear
why women might not negotiate we hear the concern that you won’t be liked if
the concern that you won’t be liked if
the concern that you won’t be liked if you’re pushy men and women have been
you’re pushy men and women have been
you’re pushy men and women have been socialized to see that women are
socialized to see that women are
socialized to see that women are supposed to get along to make nice and
supposed to get along to make nice and
supposed to get along to make nice and to be a team player
to be a team player
to be a team player movies media and politics all play into
movies media and politics all play into
movies media and politics all play into the story we don’t have to talk about
the story we don’t have to talk about
the story we don’t have to talk about this election let’s go back to 2008
this election let’s go back to 2008
this election let’s go back to 2008 where we had Hillary Clinton and Sarah
where we had Hillary Clinton and Sarah
where we had Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin you could be liked or you could be
Palin you could be liked or you could be
Palin you could be liked or you could be competent but you could not be both in
competent but you could not be both in
competent but you could not be both in early cases of sex discrimination in the
early cases of sex discrimination in the
early cases of sex discrimination in the workplace show exactly the same
workplace show exactly the same
workplace show exactly the same likability vs. confidence choice at play
likability vs. confidence choice at play
likability vs. confidence choice at play in the in these instances women were
in the in these instances women were
in the in these instances women were penalized if they acted too much like
penalized if they acted too much like
penalized if they acted too much like men because they were seen as aggressive
men because they were seen as aggressive
men because they were seen as aggressive and therefore unlikable but they were
and therefore unlikable but they were
and therefore unlikable but they were also penalised if they acted too much
also penalised if they acted too much
also penalised if they acted too much like women because they were seen as
like women because they were seen as
like women because they were seen as lacking leadership skills and therefore
lacking leadership skills and therefore
lacking leadership skills and therefore incompetent however we now know that
incompetent however we now know that
incompetent however we now know that current research is showing this myth
current research is showing this myth
current research is showing this myth the fear of backlash is perhaps
the fear of backlash is perhaps
the fear of backlash is perhaps overblown and let me give you an example
overblown and let me give you an example
overblown and let me give you an example one time over winter break when I was in
one time over winter break when I was in
one time over winter break when I was in high school I was hired for a part-time
high school I was hired for a part-time
high school I was hired for a part-time job to hand out flyers for an insurance
job to hand out flyers for an insurance
job to hand out flyers for an insurance company and
company and
company and department store so as customers would
department store so as customers would
department store so as customers would come in to the department store I would
come in to the department store I would
come in to the department store I would hand them a flier and the perfume women
hand them a flier and the perfume women
hand them a flier and the perfume women would offer a sample spritz after a day
would offer a sample spritz after a day
would offer a sample spritz after a day of talking to the perfume ladies I
of talking to the perfume ladies I
of talking to the perfume ladies I discovered that they were being paid
discovered that they were being paid
discovered that they were being paid about three times as much as me and
about three times as much as me and
about three times as much as me and there did not seem to be a real
there did not seem to be a real
there did not seem to be a real difference in the skill set required so
difference in the skill set required so
difference in the skill set required so so after one whole day of work I marched
so after one whole day of work I marched
so after one whole day of work I marched myself to my boss’s office and in front
myself to my boss’s office and in front
myself to my boss’s office and in front of everyone demanded a raise well guess
of everyone demanded a raise well guess
of everyone demanded a raise well guess what I was fired on the spot gender bias
what I was fired on the spot gender bias
what I was fired on the spot gender bias at work I don’t think so
at work I don’t think so
at work I don’t think so I was obnoxious unaware of what others
I was obnoxious unaware of what others
I was obnoxious unaware of what others were making around me put the boss in a
were making around me put the boss in a
were making around me put the boss in a terrible position and frankly expendable
terrible position and frankly expendable
terrible position and frankly expendable I was just a bad negotiator and in
I was just a bad negotiator and in
I was just a bad negotiator and in closer looks at studies that had
closer looks at studies that had
closer looks at studies that had suggested that women faced a backlash
suggested that women faced a backlash
suggested that women faced a backlash we know that actually negotiation
we know that actually negotiation
we know that actually negotiation expectations and rewards are the same
expectations and rewards are the same
expectations and rewards are the same both men and women are rewarded for
both men and women are rewarded for
both men and women are rewarded for amiable firm Pleasant and assertive
amiable firm Pleasant and assertive
amiable firm Pleasant and assertive demeanors while both men and women are
demeanors while both men and women are
demeanors while both men and women are punished for obnoxious aggressive and
punished for obnoxious aggressive and
punished for obnoxious aggressive and overly competitive demands had I thought
overly competitive demands had I thought
overly competitive demands had I thought about that in my negotiation in the
about that in my negotiation in the
about that in my negotiation in the department store I bet my dad wouldn’t
department store I bet my dad wouldn’t
department store I bet my dad wouldn’t have fired me
which brings us to our third myth that
which brings us to our third myth that women can’t negotiate this myth is based
women can’t negotiate this myth is based
women can’t negotiate this myth is based on the idea that women are inherently
on the idea that women are inherently
on the idea that women are inherently less assertive than men and that
less assertive than men and that
less assertive than men and that assertiveness is the only skill needed
assertiveness is the only skill needed
assertiveness is the only skill needed for negotiation effectiveness in fact
for negotiation effectiveness in fact
for negotiation effectiveness in fact there are many skills that contribute to
there are many skills that contribute to
there are many skills that contribute to negotiation effectiveness and in my
negotiation effectiveness and in my
negotiation effectiveness and in my teaching and studying this for the last
teaching and studying this for the last
teaching and studying this for the last 20 years I now group them into five
20 years I now group them into five
20 years I now group them into five categories assertiveness empathy
categories assertiveness empathy
categories assertiveness empathy flexibility social intuition and
flexibility social intuition and
flexibility social intuition and ethicality in order to be an effective
ethicality in order to be an effective
ethicality in order to be an effective negotiator you need all of these skills
negotiator you need all of these skills
negotiator you need all of these skills so let’s review them in reverse order
so let’s review them in reverse order
so let’s review them in reverse order ethicality refers to both your
ethicality refers to both your
ethicality refers to both your reputation and trustworthiness in a
reputation and trustworthiness in a
reputation and trustworthiness in a negotiation and women’s higher interest
negotiation and women’s higher interest
negotiation and women’s higher interest in social capital and building
in social capital and building
in social capital and building relationships can be seen as an
relationships can be seen as an
relationships can be seen as an advantage here social intuition is
advantage here social intuition is
advantage here social intuition is building rapport with your counterpart
building rapport with your counterpart
building rapport with your counterpart in the negotiation reading verbal and
in the negotiation reading verbal and
in the negotiation reading verbal and nonverbal cues like body language and
nonverbal cues like body language and
nonverbal cues like body language and eye contact and then mirroring these
eye contact and then mirroring these
eye contact and then mirroring these cues in order to smooth the social
cues in order to smooth the social
cues in order to smooth the social interaction of the negotiation again
interaction of the negotiation again
interaction of the negotiation again women are seen as having an advantage
women are seen as having an advantage
women are seen as having an advantage here flexibility refers to both outcome
here flexibility refers to both outcome
here flexibility refers to both outcome and process flexibility in a negotiation
and process flexibility in a negotiation
and process flexibility in a negotiation can you find different ways of getting
can you find different ways of getting
can you find different ways of getting what you need and there does not appear
what you need and there does not appear
what you need and there does not appear to be any difference between the genders
to be any difference between the genders
to be any difference between the genders in this particular skill empathy is your
in this particular skill empathy is your
in this particular skill empathy is your understanding of the other side in the
understanding of the other side in the
understanding of the other side in the negotiation the cognitive ability to see
negotiation the cognitive ability to see
negotiation the cognitive ability to see where they are coming from even when you
where they are coming from even when you
where they are coming from even when you don’t agree with them and to understand
don’t agree with them and to understand
don’t agree with them and to understand their emotional state as well again
their emotional state as well again
their emotional state as well again women are seen as having an advantage
women are seen as having an advantage
women are seen as having an advantage here the last skill is assertiveness and
here the last skill is assertiveness and
here the last skill is assertiveness and this is the only skill where women are
this is the only skill where women are
this is the only skill where women are seen as lacking assertiveness is the
seen as lacking assertiveness is the
seen as lacking assertiveness is the ability to make strong arguments for
ability to make strong arguments for
ability to make strong arguments for your point of view understanding how to
your point of view understanding how to
your point of view understanding how to frame those arguments in order to make
frame those arguments in order to make
frame those arguments in order to make them more persuasive and then having the
them more persuasive and then having the
them more persuasive and then having the verbal ability to stand up and make
verbal ability to stand up and make
verbal ability to stand up and make those arguments and here is where women
those arguments and here is where women
those arguments and here is where women might be lacking so why do we think that
might be lacking so why do we think that
might be lacking so why do we think that women might sometimes be less assertive
women might sometimes be less assertive
women might sometimes be less assertive than men likely socialization and fear
than men likely socialization and fear
than men likely socialization and fear of backlash and here’s how we know this
of backlash and here’s how we know this
of backlash and here’s how we know this in studies of lawyers where
in studies of lawyers where
in studies of lawyers where certain asan behalf of clients is both
certain asan behalf of clients is both
certain asan behalf of clients is both socially expected and rewarded there is
socially expected and rewarded there is
socially expected and rewarded there is no difference in perceived negotiation
no difference in perceived negotiation
no difference in perceived negotiation effectiveness similarly in law school
effectiveness similarly in law school
effectiveness similarly in law school classes negotiation professors have
classes negotiation professors have
classes negotiation professors have found no difference between the genders
found no difference between the genders
found no difference between the genders in terms of their skill set so we know
in terms of their skill set so we know
in terms of their skill set so we know that we need to socialize both men and
that we need to socialize both men and
that we need to socialize both men and women to reward and expect negotiation
women to reward and expect negotiation
women to reward and expect negotiation in all contexts we also need to start
in all contexts we also need to start
in all contexts we also need to start the socialization earlier and this is
the socialization earlier and this is
the socialization earlier and this is exactly what the Girl Scouts are doing
exactly what the Girl Scouts are doing
exactly what the Girl Scouts are doing with a new badge called win-win in order
with a new badge called win-win in order
with a new badge called win-win in order to get this badge a young girl needs to
to get this badge a young girl needs to
to get this badge a young girl needs to complete 10 negotiation exercises
complete 10 negotiation exercises
complete 10 negotiation exercises furthermore when there is an imbalance
furthermore when there is an imbalance
furthermore when there is an imbalance in the workplace like a science
in the workplace like a science
in the workplace like a science department or a law firm women are less
department or a law firm women are less
department or a law firm women are less likely to negotiate so we need to
likely to negotiate so we need to
likely to negotiate so we need to protect negotiation in the workplace
protect negotiation in the workplace
protect negotiation in the workplace while not punishing anyone for early
while not punishing anyone for early
while not punishing anyone for early lack of assertiveness Massachusetts in
lack of assertiveness Massachusetts in
lack of assertiveness Massachusetts in fact has just passed a law doing this it
fact has just passed a law doing this it
fact has just passed a law doing this it is now illegal in Massachusetts for an
is now illegal in Massachusetts for an
is now illegal in Massachusetts for an employer to ask about your previous
employer to ask about your previous
employer to ask about your previous salary in other words if you like me did
salary in other words if you like me did
salary in other words if you like me did not negotiate early on over numbers that
not negotiate early on over numbers that
not negotiate early on over numbers that should not impact what is fair pay today
should not impact what is fair pay today
should not impact what is fair pay today my first raise was when my Dean gave me
my first raise was when my Dean gave me
my first raise was when my Dean gave me one the next year in order to keep me up
one the next year in order to keep me up
one the next year in order to keep me up with a new hire he was committed to
with a new hire he was committed to
with a new hire he was committed to structural fairness and we should insist
structural fairness and we should insist
structural fairness and we should insist that that be the case everywhere
that that be the case everywhere
that that be the case everywhere furthermore when women are viewed as
furthermore when women are viewed as
furthermore when women are viewed as both breadwinners and caregivers it
both breadwinners and caregivers it
both breadwinners and caregivers it makes it more likely that this equal
makes it more likely that this equal
makes it more likely that this equal treatment will occur finally we know
treatment will occur finally we know
treatment will occur finally we know that women are just as likely as men to
that women are just as likely as men to
that women are just as likely as men to negotiate when they have full knowledge
negotiate when they have full knowledge
negotiate when they have full knowledge of the situation increased transparency
of the situation increased transparency
of the situation increased transparency within companies about salaries and
within companies about salaries and
within companies about salaries and benefits make it more likely that women
benefits make it more likely that women
benefits make it more likely that women will ask for and receive that equal
will ask for and receive that equal
will ask for and receive that equal treatment so I have five negotiation
treatment so I have five negotiation
treatment so I have five negotiation skills there is only one where women in
skills there is only one where women in
skills there is only one where women in some instances and in some studies are
some instances and in some studies are
some instances and in some studies are lacking and yet we don’t worry that men
lacking and yet we don’t worry that men
lacking and yet we don’t worry that men comparatively lacking social intuition
comparatively lacking social intuition
comparatively lacking social intuition and empathy can’t negotiate we know that
and empathy can’t negotiate we know that
and empathy can’t negotiate we know that the best negotiators bring all of these
the best negotiators bring all of these
the best negotiators bring all of these skills to play the
skills to play the
skills to play the most effective leaders bring all of
most effective leaders bring all of
most effective leaders bring all of these skills and utilize them as needed
these skills and utilize them as needed
these skills and utilize them as needed the picture that I have painted for you
the picture that I have painted for you
the picture that I have painted for you today shows that the myth that women
today shows that the myth that women
today shows that the myth that women don’t shouldn’t and can’t negotiate
don’t shouldn’t and can’t negotiate
don’t shouldn’t and can’t negotiate being successfully shattered everyday I
being successfully shattered everyday I
being successfully shattered everyday I like other women have learned the
like other women have learned the
like other women have learned the importance of asking and while I usually
importance of asking and while I usually
importance of asking and while I usually don’t need to sit on the furniture in
don’t need to sit on the furniture in
don’t need to sit on the furniture in order to get what I want I am more
order to get what I want I am more
order to get what I want I am more willing and more able to do so if needed
willing and more able to do so if needed
willing and more able to do so if needed thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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